274. Storming: Resolving Conflicts and Bringing Teams Along the Journey

What happens when tension rises in a team? Do you address it directly, or hope it blows over?

This 4-part mini-series is all about Incredible Teams, using the Tuckman Team Dynamics model as inspiration for creating or sustaining great teamwork.

In this episode, we explore the Storming stage of team development and why conflict isn’t a setback - it’s a signal. When differences surface, expectations clash, or frustration builds, it’s often a sign that people care and are invested.

We discuss why avoiding difficult conversations can erode trust over time, and how naming tension early can strengthen relationships rather than damage them.

We introduce the Five Ps:  Preparation, Placement, Permission, Process and Partnership - a practical framework to help you handle hard conversations with clarity and compassion.

A grounded listen for anyone leading through change, navigating disagreement, or wanting to bring their team along the journey. Because storms handled well don’t break teams, they build them.

Transcript

Naming The Storm

SPEAKER_01 0:00

If things are feeling stormy, there's a lot of heavy lifting that you need to, as a team, achieve because the pressure's on, there's maybe some external challenges you're dealing with. What would be some practical advice that helps someone in that moment?

SPEAKER_00 0:13

You've got to ask a question. What is really going on here? Sometimes that's hard if you're maybe new into a team that have been formed and you've just joined that one to reform it. The more we can understand what's going to happen, the better it is to navigate our way through it, really.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Laura, are you alright? Yeah, I'm doing well. How are you doing?

Hidden Tension Behind Polite Teams

SPEAKER_00 0:36

I'm alright. How's your forming week been going?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Well, it's been interesting because I think those um aspects of clarity, boundaries, and vision, I think are useful for all areas of life, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Very true. So I actually on that then, I have a question for you, which I suppose could cross over into work or personal or friendship groups or or or or have you ever been part of a team that looked fine on the outside, but underneath it felt really tense, really awkward, a little bit uncomfortable, a bit meh. I certainly have. How was it for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Oh, it's really it's it's it's really stressful because although it might be a bit entertaining at the start to sort of gossip and have sidebar WhatsApp groups, it doesn't feel right, especially if a core value of someone is you know honesty and integrity. So it can be fun for the short term, all that sort of gossip and that sort of weird dynamic, but actually longer term, I think it can really um impact our sense of wellness and confidence.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

And also that um that it takes up it takes up energy that could be otherwise spent doing something so much more productive.

Why Storming Signals Care

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Yeah, that's really true. And I suppose when we're doing work that we've done for years and years and years with various teams, you can sense it when you walk in. You know, normally, as you know, we get we sort of brought in to work with teams that are toxic or are just not functioning well. So even though they form the team and it's been okay-ish, there's sort of cracks are starting to appear. And that is the, I think, one of the best places to be because you can really help them and guide them through with some great curious questions to be able to know and understand what is really going on here so that there is more clarity created or a reset. Like you said, it could be a reform from what we were talking about last week. So I just think it's so important to be able to get in there and go tell us what's going on. How do you feel? What behaviours are you seeing? What's going on for you? How do you get through it? What do you want from it, really? So it's being able to, if you like, take that stand of asking the question with curiosity at the core of everything.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Oh, Debs. Because I I think what's really what's one of the things that I think makes the biggest positive impact on people when they first come across the Tuckman model, which we've been exploring, is it gives a sense of hope and optimism back.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Because it enables us to see that the current situation that you're experiencing now is not necessarily the final part of the journey. In fact, that might be a step that leads towards the analogy I often use is in personal romantic relationships. Share the storyline. So when two people first form, they're holding in their tummy, they're on their best behaviour, yeah, they're not using the bathroom, you know. Me, oh, I don't need to do those types of things. And we almost have this kind of perfection facade that you put on. Yeah. But there's only so long that you can hold your tummy in, and almost there gets to a stage where you just start to relax. Yes. And the real you starts to come out. And maybe the things that you've been sort of kind of smiling and thinking, oh, that's cute, feel less cute as time goes on.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

But actually, that's the bit where that trust really starts to form. Because can I be the real me with the real you? If I'm someone that likes lots of detail, you like the big, exciting, big picture. Yeah. Actually, rather than just looking at it as, well, we're so different we can't work with each other. How's that yin and yang to be able to get the best out of each other as a result of seeing things differently?

The Cost Of Avoiding Storms

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yeah, I love that. I love that, I really love that. And I suppose when we do the work with Insights Discovery, that's another way that you can sort of explore that with you, with your opposites attract, but actually, as you said, to create that belonging together because yeah, we're different, but actually that's that's the power within you. Because if again, if you haven't set the boundaries or you haven't been clear in your intent, or you're not absolutely certain about what the purpose of us being working together is all about, I think that can really cause friction. And we're all the same, aren't we, Laura? With the absence of knowledge or any information, we're super good at making it up. So even though teams sometimes think they've set the direction well, they haven't actually communicated it really, really well for people to go, oh, I get it. And they go, Oh, I think it's that. And I always say the minute you think you know it, it means you don't for sure. So you've got to ask a question. And sometimes that's hard if you're maybe new into a team that have been formed and you've just joined that one to reform it, and they're then in that storming phase again because the dynamic is shifted. And I think the more we can understand when somebody comes in and what's going to happen, the better it is to navigate our way through it, really. So we're not stuck in the storm all the time. Um, because that's where teams go. You know, they leave, come back, leave, come back, leave, come back, and then you go, well, we're not moving forward. So they can get stuck. So I think it's a really good one to consider.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

So, Debs, I'd love to hear your thoughts on. If things are feeling stormy, yes, but there's a lot of heavy lifting that you need to, as a team, achieve because the pressure's on, there's maybe some external challenges you're dealing with, you're you're on that journey together and there's storms brewing. What would be some practical advice that helps someone in that moment, whether you're formally leading the team or you're part of that team? Because if you're stuck in traffic, you are traffic.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

If there's 10 of you on a team and things are feeling stormy, you're 10% of that. So even though you might not be formally leading the team, we all have an opportunity to be able to contribute and move things forward towards the direction that you want.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Yeah. Shall we explore that then?

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Let's. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Have you ever been part of a team that looked fine on the outside, but underneath felt super tense, awkward, or just a bit uncomfortable? The conversations get shorter, the energy starts to shift, and people either stop speaking up or they start clashing. And you find yourself thinking, what has gone wrong here? We were doing so well. So if that sounds familiar to you as a leader, manager of a team, you're actually not failing. You're probably just in what we call the storming phase. So, what do we mean by storming? In the Tuckman model, storming is the second stage teams often fear the most. It's definitely where differences can surface, values start to bump into each other, and then the communication styles start to clash. Storming is not a problem to fix, it's a signal to actually pay attention. Because it tells us these things. People care, people are invested, and people are trying to find their place in your team. So the real issue isn't storming, the real issue is when storming goes unnamed. So, what happens then when storming is avoided? When teams don't name storming, a few things do happen. Let me share them with you. People personalize their behavior, they make lots of assumptions, and they withdraw or they can become very defensive. Trust, which we know is the foundation, quietly erodes, not because people don't care, but because no one feels safe enough to say this feels tricky. And yet, storming handled well is actually the gateway to trust, which is the foundation of all great teams. So here's one thing to consider if you feel your team feels a bit off right now. Instead of asking, what's wrong with them? Or why is that happening? Or why is this so hard? Try asking this instead. What might we be storming about right now? Because when a team can name the storm, they stop being stuck inside it. Who doesn't want that?

SPEAKER_01 8:36

I'm just gonna pause the episode here for a second. Firstly, to say a thank you to everyone listening and watching the Secrets from a Coach podcast over the years. But also to let you know that all of our latest secrets shared resource is available for you with our compliments on our website by clicking the link in the description or scanning the QR code on the screen now. Back to the episode. To Debs, I loved how you talked about not ignoring it, but leaning into these conversations. So, what would be a way that someone could lean in and have a conversation like this?

From Storming To Trust And Norming

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Let me share one thing that I know works really, really well when we're working with teams that are actually in this storming phase. And we talk about the five P's: preparation, placement, permission, process, and partnership. So let me break that down a little bit for you. First things first is the bit that you need to do, which is to prep and plan. What is it I'm gonna say? What do I need to do? What do I need to achieve? So it gives you that chance to just stop and reflect on what I can do, what do I want as an outcome. So that preparation and planning is the first one. We then have to place people, and placement is that one where we put them in the scene. So we have to set up our intent, we have to place them in the conversation, place them in the situation. And one of the things we can do that with is by just explaining what it is we're going to be doing with you today or in this meeting. So let me give you an example. Today we're going to talk about storming. And what I'd love you to take away by the end of it, if you find that your team is in that, is the one thing you can do differently. And we can work with you on what those actions can be. Are you okay with that? That's the third P, the permission piece. The minute we can place somebody in a scenario and then we ask their permission if they're okay with that, the majority of the people, if not 99% of the people we work with will go, yes, okay. So what does that tell you? That lets you know that somebody is ready to hear. They're listening, waiting to find out what you are going to be saying to them, and they're ready, which is what you are. So once you've had the permission, you then go into the process. And that process can be anything. It can be a one-to-one, it can be an interview, it could be a meeting, it could be a huddle, it could be whatever the process in inverted commas is. And the last one is about the actual partnership, because that's the bit that's really important. It's a given that I will work in partnership with you during this phase of our conversation. So, how am I going to be? How am I going to show up? What's my intent? So, if I'm actually thinking about my whole conscious presence in that moment is really, really important. Because actually, my intent is to have a positive impact on you. So, when we consider the five Ps, we have to really think about first. There's an internal bit, planning and prep. The two things you speak out loud are placement and permission. And the last two are the bits that are the again the process that sits behind this. So do your homework, think about what it is you want, and then step into that conversation knowing that you've signposted where people are going. And it's one of the best tools we can ever use as we're having conversations because it gives us a chance to set the tone, but it also gives us a chance to be able to sort of come back to something and replace people so that you can keep the conversation moving. And that helps us when we're storming. So, Law, what did you think?

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Oh, Debs. I just loved the way that you uh bring into real life just how important it is to be able to have those kind of honest conversations. It can just be a real reminder of where that team is at if things are feeling messy, stressy, or volatile. That's not necessarily the final destination for that team. That's just a stage that they're going through. So I thought that was just a really beautiful reminder of what can be done, you know, to have some agency and feel empowered to make things better.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Yeah, and I think you've got to have the courage to do that and not just put up with it, I think. And that's what brings us through storming into the next stage. And I think it links also to my call to action around this, which would be the more teams can understand their values and making sure that they are aligned most of the time, if not all of the time, to make a big difference. That is what's going to help you. And then to be able to, as the leader, manager, supervisor, whoever, to check in with them and check in with your teams to say, how is it going? Where are you at? What's important for you? What support might you need? So it steps into that space through a coaching approach, really, that enables them to check in to make sure that people are still understanding, still know where they're going, have very clear identity in their in that and are still able to share their thoughts through great conversations in a way because they've placed it, so they've signposted all the way through what they want to do. So know your values.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Oh, I love that, Debs. And that can be done with a virtual team as well. Yeah. Yes, it's great if you're there face to face, you get all that chemistry and the body language, but sharing that information virtually as well is a great place to start. Yeah. And I think that would be my share the secret. If you've got a friend or a colleague who is saying things like, um, you know, the team's a nightmare at the moment or things are really messy or stressy, get them to listen to this and just have a hope-based reminder that that might not be the final destination for that team. Nice. Could it be a stage in the journey and that actually that's where the trust gets formed? Can I be the real you with the real me? Because that's where that ability to be able to truly perform sits. Oh my god, I love that. So, yeah, so where are we going next? Well, Devs, I mean, surely you'd think now with tools like the Zed and the Four or the Five Ps, that everything's sorted and we're going to get perfect performance.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

If only.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Because actually, like in any relationship, so back to that personal romantic relationship, yeah. You might have shared your values, you've sat and had a big old conversation about it with heated conversations.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Healthy debate, Lord.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Healthy debate, but the proof's in the pudding. And what is required is to create some norms to establish some etiquettes and routines, which is precisely what Tuckman leads us with, his third of this four-stage team dynamic model.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Excellent. And what is that third bit called? I never remember.

Resources, CTA, And What’s Next

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Well, it begins with N and it rhymes with storming and forming. Oh, it's not norming, is it? Certainly.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

So let's explore that next, then, shall we? Okay. Love you lots.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Oh, love you lots, Devs. Have a great week. Thank you. We hope you've enjoyed this podcast. We'd love to hear from you. Email us at contact at secretsfromaccoach.com or follow us on Instagram or Facebook. If you're a Spotify listener, give us the rating as it's easier for people to find us. And if you want to know more, visit our website www.secretsfromaccoach.com and sign up for our newsletter. Here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work.