279. How to Be an Extraordinary Mentor

As part of our focus on mentoring, we explore what separates an extraordinary mentor from someone who simply gives advice. We hear from real voices and practical tips from people who have mentored and been mentored. 

We keep coming back to mentoring as a relationship built on curiosity, listening, and consistent commitment that benefits both people and future-proofs the way we work. 

We hear how mentors are “a mirror and a map” to reflect and guide. How important it is to contract up front on purpose, expectations, and boundaries. To balance support with stretch and honest feedback. 

If a mentoring culture helps transfer knowledge across generations, this is the era to plan in mentoring as a non-negotiable routine. 

Even if you haven't been approached to be a someone's mentor, keep an eye out. Who do you think might benefit from your wisdom? 

Transcript

Why Mentoring Matters Now

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Devs. Law, are you all right? Yeah, I'm doing well. It's been a full-on week. Lots of energy and conversations in the air. So, as always, it's lovely to be able to sit and be present for a few moments with you.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

No, likewise, Law. And I think when we um this topic we're talking about this week, which I know you'll introduce, I actually saw that playing out in a room that we were delivering in um today, where you could see that ability where they were talking about mentoring and how do you be a great mentor. And it was just fascinating to watch it play out. And as we've done before, we've got some of our own new listeners sharing their experiences and advice and tips as to how to be a great mentor, haven't we?

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yeah, absolutely. And we thought that would just you know mix things up a little bit, and you know, there's loads of info that you can find in all places around mentors and mentorship, but actually to hear it from real life people who've been there, done it, they've either mentored themselves or been mentored, then um just to be able to give us something to uh to focus on. And where last week was looking at well, what is the benefit and the purpose of mentoring, particularly in the early stages of someone's career? And actually, what came out loud and clear is mentoring can happen any stage of your career, and it's that fast exchange of um process info and personality and culture. And uh, we're gonna look this week at so let's say someone has said, Hey, can you be my mentor? We'll look at what does that mean, how does it work, and um you know, in a in a in a in a really um it useful way, we'll get to hear from different people's perspectives of what it takes, what makes an extraordinary mentor.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Yeah. So shall we listen in to a couple?

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Yeah.

What Mentors Unlock Early On

SPEAKER_05 1:57

So for me, a mentor can be incredibly powerful at the start of someone's career because they help people see a potential in themselves that they might not recognize yet. And I guess when you're new to the working environment, everything feels quite alien. It it's new, sometimes overwhelming. Um, and a good mentor can really provide perspective, encouragement, and honest feedback. And I guess whilst also helping you understand the realities of what the new working world is, they can really help someone connect the dots between what they're good at and where their strengths might take them. And early in your career, you often just take the first opportunity that comes along because you want to start working, you want to start earning, and you want to get into the kind of working environment. But a mentor can really help shape your direction and give you a stronger platform for the future. And sometimes it's as simple as asking the right questions, a mentor sharing their experiences with you, or helping you avoid the mistakes that they've already made. And more than anything, mentors create confidence when someone believes in you early on, it gives you courage to take opportunities, speak up and push yourself even further. And then I guess kind of counterintuitive to that statement. Sometimes you you join the working world full of energy and beans, and you know, you wanna you wanna take over and and you really want to push uh as quickly as possible. And sometimes mentors can help you shape that and manage that in an appropriate way.

SPEAKER_04 3:33

I think first and foremost is stop trying to be impressive. Stop, don't make it about you and be really interested in the individual. I think really good mentors lead with curiosity, they listen deeply, and they ask questions that make someone think differently as well.

Interested Beats Impressive

SPEAKER_01 3:50

I um did not have a mentor at the beginning of my career. Um I had a mentor midway through my career, and it was incredible to have that support, someone who could give me guidance which wasn't within the industry I work, and help me see my own potential as a manager, support me in working in business and strategy and people, and being able to help me grow in my own career and guide myself to new potential job opportunities as well, and they help you kind of see parts of yourself which you didn't even think you could even possibly see properly, because I think when you're working so closely in an industry with people, you kind of get um bogged down with the day-to-day, and you never get to see sometimes fully bigger picture stuff or what you're actually working on which can make a difference with people, with the business you're working in.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Oh, Deb, so what stuck out for you listening to um those people?

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Oh lore, there was quite a few things actually. The one that I really loved was um the best mentors don't try to be impressive, they try, they aim to be interested. And I just think, yeah, that is because it's not about you as the mentor. Um, and I know we say that in coaching, it's not about you as the coach, it's about the coache. And I just thought that was brilliant because that relationship is built on curiosity, I think it's built on trust, and it's built on having an honest conversation. Um, where as we said, they're not there to impress, they're there to understand what the mentor, you know, what the mentee wants.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Yeah, absolutely. A mirror and a map. I thought that was. Yes, I love that.

SPEAKER_03 5:49

The mirror and the map.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yeah, that was cool. Yeah, smart way of describing it.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Yeah, I loved it. So let on that, Laura, let me ask you a question. So um, this is in your experience, um, what do you think separates a really great mentor from someone who simply just gives advice?

SPEAKER_00 6:07

I think key to be an extraordinary mentor, uh, rather than someone that, as you said, just parrots out, well, what I did was, and back in the day when we used to. So I think for me, what makes an extraordinary mentor is always being future focused. So, yes, there'll be some nuggets of wisdom that you can share from your um career. However, life moves on pretty quickly, and if someone is giving advice saying, well, ask your secretary to screen the calls, you know, that's just might have worked in in a certain decade era, but it's not now. So I think an extraordinary mentor, you are looking for nuggets of wisdom from your past or what you've seen in others, but always with enough humility to recognise that everyone's life is different and it's about sort of that future focused. The second thing that I think sets apart an extraordinary mentor, and I know this links to all work in relationships, really, is clearly contracting almost at the start. What's the purpose you want from mentoring? What is it you do or don't want from me? So then what that mentor is able to do is rather than go through the sort of the same old scripts, um, it is completely targeted and focused on that on that person that you're mentoring.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

Yeah, and I love that. Should we listen to a few more that was to what they had to say about how to be that effective mentor?

Stretch Support And Real Feedback

SPEAKER_04 7:30

Yes. I would say balance the support with stretch. You can be their cheerleader, but also be brave enough to say you are capable of more. Know what drives that individual, know what they're also afraid of. And mentoring isn't a checklist, it's a relationship. Help that person deliver judgment or develop judgment. If you mentor well, you're not just helping someone to do their job better, you're helping them work harder on themselves than they do on their job, and that's where the real growth lives.

SPEAKER_05 8:06

So for me, the best mentors aren't the ones who try to give you all of the answers. They're the ones who help people build structures and give them the tools to be able to find their own. A big part of that is listening properly and really understanding what the other person is saying, and more importantly, what they really want from their own career. Another key part is being supportive but also honest. Sometimes mentoring means giving constructive feedback or challenging someone to think bigger about what they're really capable of. Consistency also really matters. Mentoring isn't just a one-off conversation, it's about building trust over time, a real relationship, checking in regularly and celebrating progress, but also helping someone navigate setbacks when they do happen. And I think ultimately great mentors create the space for someone else to grow, but they're also there to give a little nudge when it's needed, or as I like to say, give the tyres a bit of a toe poke at the right moment.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

I think first you have to listen. It sounds really simple, um, but really understanding someone's situation before jumping in with advice can make a big difference. Good mentors support people, but they also challenge them. Growth can come when someone stretches a little bit beyond what feels comfortable. And I also think it's important to be honest about your own mistakes. Sharing what didn't go well in your career can be more valuable sometimes than talking about the successes. Um and I think just being intentional, setting goals, checking in regularly, talking about progress, um, those things can turn it from a casual chat into something that really helps somebody grow.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

So, Dev, what really stuck out for me was um listening. I mean, was that just not the thing that came out? That was the thing that came out. The premium skill of listening, which I know you and I have banged on about loads on this podcast because not only is it you're creating a premium moment of connection with someone, um, but it's uh you've also got to have the stillness of mind yourself to be able to listen to someone else. So, you know, it's good for you as well as the other person to be able to have that listening moment. But that definitely came out from pretty much everyone, didn't it?

SPEAKER_03 10:30

Oh, I think it did when we were listening, and I think also prepping yourself to you know walk in in the state that you want to be. I think you know, one of the people mentioned that, which is around, you know, if you're going in frenetic and running late or whatever, that's gonna the energy is gonna transfer over to your mentee. So pausing and taking time because it's such an important relationship we have. I love that bit actually, being ready um to uh to be in the room with that person. Yes, yeah, I loved it.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

And also I think what's sort of come out, um, which is maybe why we chose our brilliant, you know, that those people in our network to do that is it's a very optimistic action to take, to make it a bit more. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Because you you can't help but have impact, you know. So for anyone that is there thinking, do I make a difference? Am I pointing forward or backward in my life? Actually, to mentor someone is is really good for your own career fitness as well. And I think you can tell that with the you know, just the energy that people were bringing in their voices. And we, of course, know all the different backgrounds and careers that they're in, and mentoring just works any sector, every level within an organization. And uh, you know, it's great to get that array of practical. So, what does it mean to be a great mentor?

SPEAKER_03 11:49

Yeah, I think so. And as I say, when we if you listen into a couple more of the tips that they shared, I just thought they were spot on. So, should we listen to what they had to say as well?

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Real.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

I think for me, if industries want to really future-proof themselves, they need to invest in the people as much as performance. I think a mentoring culture transfers a knowledge before it walks out the door. It connects generations, it builds belonging and accelerates growth as well. And as AI becomes part of everyday work, human capability becomes a real differentiator. Strategy can be automated, task can be automated, but character, judgment, leadership, that's definitely developed through reflection and conversation. I think mentoring creates environments where people are constantly growing, not just in their role but in themselves. And when you build a workforce committed to working harder on themselves than their job descriptions, you don't just future-proof an industry, you're future-proofing its leadership. Technology will keep evolving, roles will keep changing, but if we commit to growing people, if we mentor with intention, we won't just keep up with the future, we'll shape it.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Mentoring will create a culture of people speaking to one another and creating um personal relationships to be able to support each other in business, and mentors can share knowledge and experience from their own industries and how to manage certain situations and problem solving on a more personal level, um, more than any social media or AI program can because at the end of the day it's all about managing people. I think if you take the human element out of it, um it prevents us learning how to communicate properly with each other. And I think you can pretty much get anything out of anyone if as long as you know how to ask them properly for it. And I think that is why mentors are so good because they are able to give you life experience of different situations, of how to handle it, support in business, advice, and things which you may never have come across at the early stages of your career. And all of this is knowledge and knowledge is power.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

So, Debs, I mean, in the spirit of kind of summarising our sort of learning, so we wanted to bring a real curiosity mindset to this four-part focus looking around mentoring. So we set up in episode one an explainer, and that's what we were looking at. What is mentoring? What isn't mentoring? Why is it so important right now? Yeah. Last episode we were looking at, well, in particular in kind of early years, um, uh early uh careers, um, and especially with the advent of AI and technology, how do you transfer that wisdom between generations in a in a way that is speedy as well as personable as well, those connection moments. And I think what's just been really heartening listening to um all of our brilliant experts who have given their thoughts on how to be an extraordinary mentor is there's no set script. In fact, it's the opposite of a script, it's the relationship angle of it.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

And actually, how invigorating, if you consider yourself at the the uh the the sunset of your career, how inspiring to know that even if your kind of retirement um time is in eyeline, you've absolutely still got some skin in the game, and that's really important to be able to share that knowledge and to reverse it. So, how how how um uh energizing then to hear from someone who's got a completely different generational outlook on remote working, for example, or handling conflict. So that it's mutual. I think that's what's also come out is it's a mutually beneficial learning relationship.

SPEAKER_03 16:05

Yeah, I think you're right, and I think you've got to have a um a growth mindset to be able to even want to be somebody's mentor because you might hear things that you either had never even given thought to as you know, as that mentor, but actually that ability to go, oh, that's okay. You're learning, as you said as well. So I think that's what's really important. So it's not about your ego. Um, I think it it just enables a better working relationship, and as you said, the transfer of knowledge, it doesn't get lost and doesn't walk out the door, it's still there. So yeah, I think you know, my call to, I suppose, and no, actually, before my call to actually, I've got one more question. From your perspective, Lauren, I know you mentor as well as I do, but what's one thing mentors should try to do more of? Especially with the AL, blah blah blah blah, your robots and the AI world coming into the form. How what would what would you say?

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Really simply, plan it in and honour that commitment. Oh, nice, simple, right? Simple. Plan it in, honour that commitment, get them in the diary, like with any other health routine, dentist, checkups, you you you put the next one in at the last one you're at. So it's in and it's that regular connection. Because a little bit like saving money, there's never going to be leftover money to do something with. A little bit like time, there's never going to be left over time. Or when I get time, I'll then do mentoring. But it's part of that kind of that that that that rhythm of um, you know, just that that kind of give and the get. So I think one thing that mentors can do really simply is plan it in and honour that commitment.

SPEAKER_03 17:44

Yeah, I've I think you're right, because I suppose that links to my call to action as well. Is I think mentoring is one of the most generous things that you can actually do, sharing your wisdom and your experiences with with somebody else, and most importantly, your encouragement. Um, because you know, you never know, right? Someone out there could go you know further and faster simply because you, as their mentor, chose to invest a little time in them. So even if you haven't been approached to be a someone's mentor, keep an eye out. Who do you think might benefit from your wisdom? And that would be my call to action. You know, who is it that you think you could just offer that gift to say, I'd love to be your mentor because I see you and I believe in you, and I want to ensure you keep going.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Oh, Deb's inspiring stuff. And my share of the secret would be if you know you've got a friend or a colleague who would make an incredible mentor because they just really care about people and they are, or or they're getting really frustrated about people not doing things in the way that they used to do it. Let's lean into that. Brilliant. Set yourself up to be a mentor. And if then someone thinks, oh, I can't be a mentor because it's got a capital M and it's a formal position, get them to listen to this, to then listen to an array of voices around how it's it's a it's it's you being you but intentional with being able to develop and equip someone else, and that and that's uh you know the feeling is mutual, it's a beneficial one. So yeah, yeah, yeah. Pass it on to someone who you know make a great mentor.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

I love that. And and actually that leads really nicely into the final part of this, isn't it? Our series this this time round about the benefits of making that happen and how we can shape the culture in a way that means that it stays fresh and relevant and doesn't just die.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yes, Devs. Because what we all look at is could mentoring be the ideal vehicle to future-proof an industry or a sector? And as we see so much change evolving around us, is mentoring the answer to be able to bridge that gap between current state and goal state, where we're bringing people with us rather than losing people along the way. So I can't wait to hear all of our experts' thoughts around future-proofing industries via a culture of mentoring.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Oh my god, so exciting! I'm gonna listen out for that this week as well and see what I hear. Love it, love it. Well, thanks, Law, for that. I really loved it and for answering the questions. Um, yeah, because it's really useful to hear from you as well and your perspective of it. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Yeah, well, thank you for the questions because it really gets you thinking about yeah, you know, what what is it? And you've got the big picture benefit of it, but also in that moment, it's just two people having a quality conversation. Um what is not to love about that in today's working life? So, Debs, have a fantastic week, and I can't wait to explore more our fourth and final one.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Oh my god, looking forward to it. Take care.

How To Connect And Support

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Love you. We hope you've enjoyed this podcast. We'd love to hear from you. Email us at contact at secrets from a coach.com or follow us on Insta or Facebook. If you're a Spotify listener, give us a rating as it's easier for people to find us. And if you want to know more, visit our website www.secretsome a coach.com and sign up for our newsletter. Here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work.