290. Who Am I Now? Navigating the Working Parent Identity Shift

In this first in our 4-part focus on Working Parents - Making The Balance Work, we explore how to navigate the shift in identity when first becoming a parent. Debs has been a parent coach for many years, working with organisations to help people navigate new parenthood so they can return to work and thrive. 

Returning to work after having a child is about much more than just logistics and childcare, it triggers a massive, often unspoken shift in your personal and professional identity.

We dive into the deep emotional and psychological transition of shifting from ‘colleague’ to ‘parent’.  From addressing the pressure to perform exactly as you did before, to handling workplace perceptions, mum/dad guilt, and reclaiming  confidence, we break down what this identity shift really means for a working parent’s career.

Whether you are preparing for parental leave, actively returning to the workplace, or looking to support your team as a leader, this episode offers practical, compassionate insights into managing the working parent dynamic.

Transcript

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Why Working Parents Need Support

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Debw, you alright? I am so excited about this mini-series. Yeah, me too. We're going to be focusing on the big, huge, often untalked about topic of working parents. How do you make the balance work? And Debs, we haven't had to go on Google or in AI to find information like this, have we? No.

The Parent Coaching Journey

SPEAKER_01 0:28

It may be some people aren't aware. Tell us about some of the coaching work you've done in this space so that we know we can have a really good conversation.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

This is, I always call it my passion project. It's a bit of a side side hustle as I always call it, but it's so important. And it started way back when, a long time ago, when I thought, what is the support there's out there for working parents going back into work? Not about how to raise your child, not about that, but focused in on the parents. And there wasn't very much out there. And so I started to put together some parent coaching stuff where we work with parents either just before they go on Mat or Pat Lee, paternity maternity leave or paternity leave. And then we work with them again once baby has arrived, and then we work again with them once they've had their first kit day. And then we work again with them, getting them back into the workplace. So over could be a period of 18 months because some parents take the whole year off. So we have the privilege of working with them over that whole period. And we have they have access to us in between if they need it. And it's just a way of ensuring that we are focusing in on the parent because they get forgotten. But getting back into the workspace can be really challenging. So that's where it started. And I've over the years, I think I've probably seen, I don't know, 200 odd little babies appear on screen or in person over my time of doing it. Because yeah, I just love it. And because it goes over a long period of time, you sort of feel like you can see that person transition from one maybe being never being a parent before to suddenly being a parent and what that looks like and feels like, because obviously it's a massive shift. And you would know that, I would know that from having our child our children. Um and then you might work with parents who are having their second or third child, and whilst they've been there, done it and got the t-shirt for the first one, there's still similar challenges that come up. So um, yeah, so we're very fortunate. And we're, you know, again, I've you know spoken to same-sex couples, um, who takes on the mother role, who takes on the father role, because obviously you can have shared paternity, maternity and paternity leave and parental leave. So it's been really an artist, it's been amazing to just do it as a I say it's a side hustle, and I always tell everybody that, but I think it's really important. So it's about giving support because there was no support when I first started, when I went first back to work, and I thought, how do we help parents go back into the workplace?

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Well,

Real Life Chaos And No Plan B

SPEAKER_01 3:01

oh, Debs. And I've you know, over the years just had some such amazing conversations with you, and I think what is just so valuable when you're there sitting on your own going, oh my goodness, there's a Teams call that I'm supposed to be logging in on, but my baby's just been sick all over me. Yeah, and I have just got to deal with it, and you know, it's you know, there's no sort of plan B because there's uh unlike work, you can't delegate some things. No, you can't put a pause and say we'll pick it up next week. If a baby is screaming at you because they haven't slept or eaten, it gets gives such a skill set that you know, until you tested, you didn't realise it was there.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

No, it's fascinating, Law, because I think last I was doing one this this week, and um her baby is now nine months old, and I and she was asleep on her. She said, I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't get her down. I went, of course I don't mind. And this little baby was sound asleep, just quite happy with its mum. And um, yeah, so I think they were more worried that I would be worried. It's like, no, you know, having run a hundred-day place nursery back in the day as well, it's like, no, I get it, you know, I get it. So, yeah, so that was nice. It was so cute to see this little baby just absolutely blissfully happy with it with its mum. So it's like, oh, so things like that, because you're right, we don't know what they're gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

No, no. And and if I think about the many, many women I've spoken to in um, you know, I've worked a lot in retail and um spaces, and there's there's a high percentage of women that work in retail. And um the uh, you know, I think even just to hear someone saying who's been through it, going, Oh, don't worry, I was petrified too. Yeah. I I was worried about this and what I was gonna do. And when you hear someone else who's been through it go, yeah, I was completely, you know, worried about it all, and you know, I was looking forward to it, but sort of more scared than looking forward to it. Yeah. And when you hear someone else saying that, you kind of go, Oh, okay, it's not that I'm not gonna be able to handle this, it's because I can't even imagine what it's like. Because until you go through that experience, you just have no vision to go on.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

No idea. And I think you can read all the books and you can get all the advice from you know, wise old sages that have been there before, but every experience is unique to that couple or that individual or you know, however they're raising their child. Um, it is so unique to them and their circumstances. And that, you know, some parents are very keen to go back to work and others aren't. So we navigate through how they may be able to do condensed hours or have a conversation before they go back to work about changing the days they work. And um, so I mean, the conversations can be about anything as they get closer, but yeah, you just yeah, you just don't know how people are because everybody's experience is unique. Um, and I think there is a fear factor sometimes about how do I go back to work? You know, who am I now? Um, what's it gonna look like? What if it all changes? And there's so much going around in your heads, as well as a newborn, it just need gives them people that space just to be about them and just to pause for a moment. Um, and you know, some of the sessions it might be about 20 minutes, 30 minutes, depending. Some might be an hour, an hour and a half. Um, and people have started to, you know, some people will plan their sessions so they have childcare arrangements so they can really focus in on them. Um, yeah, because you have to adapt and flex, which is everything you talk about anyway, that ability to be adaptable and flexible and with everything else going on, that you know, I think that as a parent and working with parents, you can see that playing out super well. It's how do we adapt to the environment we're in, right? How do we be foxy, as you always say?

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Absolutely. I mean, yeah, the amount of uh fox-related baby wear. Yeah, poor little Grace was forced to wear, just to remind myself, I'm Foxy. There's too much. I should do this, yeah. And at some point I'll maneuver this to some convenient content to sell and make some money from. So speaking as uh co-hosts of the recently acclaimed turns out we're some number one workplace podcasts.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Yeah, in the top 40 of the best podcasts, workplace podcasts. Um, yeah, to listen to the Isle of the UK. On the Isle of Man, yeah. Nothing against the Isle of Man. No. But yeah, we're part of the best 40 workplace podcasts in the UK. And we've just been awarded that.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

So how cool is that? So cool. Yeah. So let's make sure that we don't that we sort of keep within that. Um it's such a huge topic. So let's make sure that we keep within the sort of realms of and what that means for working parents and workplace perspective.

Identity Shift Into Parenthood

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yeah. So we were thinking in this first one we'd focus on identity. So that identity shift into parenthood. We're next gonna look at well, what does that mean? Shifting from colleague to parent. Yeah. So when you're sort of in your role, what does that then mean? And then episode three, I can't wait for that one, Debs, from a leader's perspective.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

What do leaders need to understand to enable that work return to work process to go as well as it can do? Um, so let's have a think about the uh the identity shift. So picture the scene, Debs. I'm picturing it. There I was, early 2020 twelve. I found out I was um pregnant, and like a number of people, it hadn't been smooth sailing. So you were a bit trepidatious and you were aware of you know all the things that can happen. And I remember sitting there, my friend Karen saying, What do I wear when I'm a mother?

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Brilliant. She went, What do you mean? I went, Well, do I have to start? Do I need to wear a blouse? She went, an elasticated skirt. She goes, She goes, What do you mean, Tomps?

SPEAKER_01 8:58

I said, Well, like, do I have to change? Like, what does it mean to be a mother with a capital M? Because, you know, I'm your naughty friend who draws rude pictures on walls and you know, ones, or flip charts, you know. I'm not like someone that wears a blouse and her glasses are on a chain. I just couldn't get my head round what it means to be a mother with a capital M. And she looks at me like I was mad and she went, Thompson, it's still gonna be you. You're just gonna have a whole load of love that comes into your life. But there is also a whole lot of hard work as well.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

But I really remember that because I remember then sort of, you know, as you sort of coming up for air in your sort of first early months and going, Oh, it's it is still me. It is still me. It is, yeah. I've just got some other priorities and responsibilities now.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Yeah. And but that is a big shift though, Laura, when you think about it, because um, yeah, that there is a shift in who you are, because you you're suddenly not just that colleague, you're now a mum or a dad, uh, or a parent. And you go, Oh, okay, how is this gonna work? Because I've never had this before. Um, and actually, it's around how can we um deal with that, because suddenly we do have changing priorities, obviously. Um, and so many of the people that I speak to say, I love my work and I really, really enjoy it. However, my priorities have shifted, quite rightly so, and therefore carrying around some of that uncertainty or um that guilt or always having to think ahead or worrying about how it's going to be perceived if they have can't come in one day. Um, and it is fascinating to watch because you know, people still want to, in certainly in the workspace, want to be promoted and be visible and still be seen, and especially um not to you know rule out, but the the person that takes the mother role, if you like, in that and mothers, that can be really difficult because they are the ones normally expected to stay at home, raise the child. And I know that has evolved over time, but I think sometimes in workplaces you can still see that um that playing out that you know, well, oh you know, people go off and have their children and then they come back to work and then everything shifts, and they can't be just drop a hat and fly around the world. You know, they have to put into place considerations, which is why when we come to talk about what leaders need to be aware of a little bit more, um yeah, I think it's really important because that is the bit that happens because we sometimes feel um that we lose part of who we are. Um, our confidence does change because we've been out of work for a year, maybe, and we don't know what's been going on. Um, I think from a mother's perspective, it's that pressure to come back, as I was, and you never will. Um, comparison to others and other parents, and well, they're doing it really well, and I'm not. And is that right? Oh, and the comparison that goes on can lead to people withdrawing and being lonely. Um, and that's a big thing where you see they have all the support because it's a it's an amazing time, and you know, your your mother-in-law or father-in-law or mothers or your own aunties, uncles, sisters, whatever will all converge. And then when they start to go, that can be quite lonely. Um, and if you're not someone who's naturally wants to go to a mother and baby group, that can be really hard because suddenly you're in between. You haven't got your work colleagues, but you may not have your mum colleagues. Um, some people join NCT classes and love them and keep in touch. My friend has done that, and she still speaks to those four women that were with her, and that's 21 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Debs, two have become clients of ours. I mean, it's ever so handy when you join these connections at deeply emotional times of your life.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Absolutely, you never know, do you, right? And I think that's the bit around, you know, how, but I think also father, the father's or the father role within that um also shifts in identity as well, because some think that, you know, have have got pressure to provide here. You know, I'm I've got to, I've got a bit of divided loyalty going on, you know, returning to work quicker than maybe the mother's role and trying to seem like we're holding it all together. Um, and having worked with some of the the fathers that I've worked with, um, I was really surprised that there was fear around that and has got to be seen to be holding it all together and being the one that can fix it. And and they're struggling just as much because again, this is new for them. Um and to have two weeks' paternity leave and go back, I just think, wow, you know, how? How? Why is that even a thing? Um, yeah, one of the companies we do a lot of you know parent coaching work with who are um who have an amazing maternity paternity um policy where the fathers can have up to six weeks off, or the father figure can have to six at least six weeks, if not three months, um, to spend that early days. Um, but again, they still have to go back to work. And therefore, that can again uh you know, the person at home will have to readjust and think, oh my god, I've got no one now. This is just me and my baby. Um and I think you know, the relationship dynamic shift in that as well, Law, because you know, it's exhausting at times because you might be breastfeeding and you know, your other half might not be able to do that, or um, but you're having exhaustion, and then when you start going back into the workplace, um, suddenly you've got a screaming baby that's been up all night, and you've got to get up and still go to work and present as if nothing's happened. And I think that is where it's not healthy, I think, for parents, because it's sometimes we just I'm I'm exhausted. Um, it's all right if you've got loads of support around, but if you haven't, there's a lot that you're juggling. Um, and therefore, you know, that dynamic changes a lot and communication could break down, and you know, the partnership dynamic shifts as well, both in at home, but also maybe at work with the manager as well. Um, so there's lots that go on in it. This is you know a fascinating topic when you delve underneath it and see it happen.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

I mean, that's just so much glorious stuff to kind of focus on in on there. Yeah, it just got me thinking. There was a really incredible um uh programme I was part of last year, and it was a virtual. Um they were predominantly based in the States, but it was for one of uh it was a video um video gaming client, and there was uh 10 of them, and it happened to be all male. And oh, they were they just reveled in it because four of them had just become new dads. Oh, okay. So what became apparent is you know, they were all saying, Oh, I'm exhausted, like the baby's not because because they the the nature of their roles is a lot of them tended to majority work at home.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

So, you know, you you you can't just kind of drive in your car, go off and pretend that the baby's not crying. If you're if there's two of you there, just try and keep this baby quiet where you're both on big calls, yeah. Um, you know, it impacts you all. And um, just to have that chance to connect and to talk and to know, oh okay, this two shall pass, and yeah, the reassurance of when someone might have a six-month-old where someone else has a six-week-old, just being able to have those conversations, and it was amazing the camaraderie that was built with these eight guys who never would have met each other, but they happened to be on this management programme that was virtual, and yeah, it just happened at a time in life where they had that in common. And it was really great to watch just the important role that talking this through and connecting with other people is and I'm thinking of from an identity point of view, I it just took me down memory lane

Getting Confidence Back At Work

SPEAKER_01 16:45

there. So when I lived in London, yeah, I remember at that point I'd had to start to put my or I chose to, but there was a requirement for me to start to go back to work. Yes. And um self-employed, all that kind of stuff. So, you know, you do what you need to do, Deb. So you do? I know I'm speaking to you. There's no plan B. There isn't a plan B. There's no plan B.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Not when you're on your own raising your child, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:06

And uh there's not really a um a benefits uh package for us self-employed people. No, there isn't, but that's the choice you make. You work in a tax-efficient way one way, you can't expect it the other. So that's how I kind of viewed it. Um and I do remember getting on a bus, so I dropped off my daughter at um, you know, three months old, gosh, at this nursery. And I remember then thinking getting on the bus then into town. I was doing a big event, 120 people at a hotel in Charing Cross. And I remember thinking, oh my god, like, how do I stand up and say, hello, my name's Laura Thompson, and I'm a leadership trainer. Like, I just couldn't imagine. I remember thinking, I feel like I've been involved in a completely different world. Yes. And now I've got to get used to that world of standing up, dressing, getting getting putting your lippy on, and introducing yourself. And the weird thing was, Debs, it all came back. Yeah, I know. We don't lose it. No, I'd had 22 years of work by that point.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Um, so I knew how to had I? Yeah, no, 12, yeah, yeah, yeah 2000. Is that when we talked first Pope Joe? 12 years. No, I got yeah. You're aging yourself there, Laura. I can't remember anything before she was born. I'm so gone. Yeah, I had 12 years of experience of standing up saying, hi, my name's Laura, let's do this, let's do that. Yeah, and it was weird. So for anyone listening with whom you know this is relevant for them, it's amazing how your muscle memory kicks in. Yeah. Because you will know how to act at a meeting. You will know how to get your head around a new bit of IT because you've had more experience of doing that than you have of changing an appy. But because you have to learn so much so quickly when you become a first-time parent, yeah, but the the other stuff is still there. You're layering on top new knowledge, you're not losing your old working stuff.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

Yeah, you're you're so right, actually. And then I think a lot of the work that we do with parents is that having the key building their confidence back up, and that sums it up, as you've just said, because um, you know, it it can feel like I suppose gaining a huge part of yourself when you have a you know a baby, but temporarily losing sight of everything else as well. And then when you have to go back into work, it's like, can I do this? Am I able? And like you've said, it just kicked back in. But a lot of the work we do is making sure that people feel the confidence, remind themselves of what they bring. Yes, there might have been a year out of the business. So, you know, we help them work out how do they have those conversations as they're going back into work. What does the transition look like? Um, you know, things to talk to their manager about, about returning into the workplace. Um, so you know, there there's all these useful things that we, as people say, I baby, I baby brain, I don't know what to ask. And it's like, no, you do know what to ask, and just having that space to explore it um can make a huge difference for people because you know, suddenly they haven't got the freedom to do what they want to do, suddenly they're thinking, I can't do this, this is a new audience. Um, yeah, that and confidence is the biggest thing, not just having, as you said, a new baby. Um, because it well, I know you there's manuals, but you know, your baby is unique, right? And there is no manual that fits everybody. Um, and I find that quite interesting where people said, I've read this and I've read that, and and then the baby arrives and they go, That none of that helped me. And you go, I know, but trust the trust your instinct is what we normally say, and we tap back into um yeah, their instinctive behaviour, like you said, it just came back to you because you've had it within you.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Um my god, Debs, I'm chuckling, right? I remember I'd read all the books about pregnancy. Yeah, because I knew everything about it going from a grape to a melon and all this good stuff. What book did you read? Oh, it was all like parents. Yeah, yeah, basically. Um, but I never actually read a book about what to do with it. Once you know's the baby. So I remember I was sitting there at St. Thomas's hospital, right? And they said, Right, we're gonna sign you out. And I just went, How often do I feed it? Yes. And then I've still got the envelope where somewhere I wrote, every three hours, change the nappy, do this. It was like on the back of an envelope. It was like literally they went, right, bye, I see you. And I'm like, Yeah, all right. I've got a taxi back home and just went, okay, what do I do? Yeah. But from an identity point of view, yeah. I think it's it's I just love the conversation that you were sort of bringing into this. It's not that you've lost your working persona, you've morphed into a new third persona of you've got the worker, you've got your parent, and then you've got this working parent of where you kind of mesh those two together.

Support Systems And The Village

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Definitely. And I think the the just sort of sort of just another reflection I've had, Debs, is I was always very aware that there. Might have been people looking at what I was doing, going, Oh, I don't know how you do it. I'll tell you how I did it. I had my mum as the absolute backstop in my life. Yeah. And because her parent journey was to be the traditional mother staying at home. Yes, she did some work, yes, she did further study, but she was there all the time when we were growing up. She wasn't flying off here, there, everywhere, running big stuff, you know. But I was only able to do that because I had that traditional mother role, my mother, who I was able to rely upon. And so whenever people said, you know, oh I don't know how you do it, you know, aren't you amazing? No, I'm not. I'm just gifted with a very good support system, yes. Which is why I hope I would never judge anyone who decides to take the foot off the pedal a little bit, yeah, reduce their working hours, because someone's got to be on hand to take that nursery call if it shuts down because everyone's got chicken pox. Absolutely. Someone's got to deal with that.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

Someone's got and if you're on the other side of the country, you've got you know, how do you get back? I mean, you know, in when we uh when I managed the nursery, we only had a few where we had to close the nursery, and we would wait, obviously, until the last person came to pick up the child. And I remember staying there with me and one of the um the other nursery nurses, and we were there to about half past ten one night um because the parent was and didn't have any family over here, so they were from I think they were from Spain somewhere, and they were literally the husband was in Spain, the the wife was here, and she um had to get back from um traveled back from Manchester to get back to us. Um, and so that we just waited, and you just think, wow, you know, I don't know. I mean, that just felt the right thing to do. I mean, what are you gonna do? Leave the baby on the step and go pick it up when you're back. Not in a million years, right? But but if you haven't got that support around you, you've suddenly you're thrown into, oh my god, I need it. And I must say, Law, all the parents that I've been deal dealt with, there's a few that have parents not around, but the majority have, and I'm the same as you. I couldn't have raised, you know, my son without the support of my mum and dad and pickups and the nursery nurses. Um, you know, I was fortunate to be able to take him to nursery, so I had ready-made childcare. But sometimes, you know, I I moved on and got another job, but those those girls and boys there at that time who really supported me still, I still see them to this day. Um, and I'm forever grateful for their support because if you can't do it on your own.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

No.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Yeah, it's really good.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

And of course, in other cultures, they say it takes a community to raise a child. 100%. Even if you got a big boys or big girls job with a great big fancy business card. Yeah, you know, when you're there and you get the call and you think, I've got to get down from Manchester. I can't even imagine how stressful that journey was. Yeah, because you've got to get there as well. There's no plan B. But from a yeah, but from an identity point of view, yeah.

Skills Parenthood Adds To Your Work

SPEAKER_01 24:57

I mean, that phrase, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The skill set that you get to acquire, having to make dynamic risk assessments, you know, in a heartbeat. Yes. I never leave the house without some stuff that I know is going to be important because what you the either the day you leave the house in a nappy bag without a spare bottle and a spare nappy, you learn your lesson. And so that default state of readiness, I never ran my work life like that beforehand. But there'll be some amazing tools and habits and rituals that, in order to be able to survive and thrive through rearing young children, that you can then bring into your work life as well.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

So, you can't do that.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

Yeah, I think from an identity point of view, yeah, adding into that skill set.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Yeah, and I think um I think you also have to watch with that that you don't become wrapped up in doing everything for everyone else as certainly as the main carer, maybe, um, because that's easy to do as well. And that's sometimes, you know, well, I'm the one who's responsible. You know, who am I now beyond the role of but you know, being a parent? And I think, you know, because you are needed by that little one, they're relying on you. Um, you know, you're very responsible suddenly, as you said, you have to be super practical and organized and emotionally available, and therefore, you know, that role or identity you have can get wrapped up in doing everything for everybody else, but you forget about yourself. Um, and I think because there's still a part person underneath that, behind that, you know, mum, dad, partner, colleague, leader, caregiver, role, whatever it might be, going, what do I need? You know, what matters to me and who am I becoming now? Um, and they're the types of questions we explore because um I think it's really important to go, what is it that you need right now? Because you're right, every time it evolves so quickly as the as your child gets older, different things challenge you and come back around. And some say it gets easier, some say it gets harder. And again, you know, it's being able to know that um it's not going back to who you were. I think before you had children, I think it's more about getting to know this newer version of who you are, um, with compassion rather than pressure. Because I, you know, we do put pressure on ourselves, I think, as as new parents, to go, it must I must do it this way. And sometimes I just sit there and go, What do you think you should do? And they go, Well, I think I'd just pick her up. Well, then do that then. But and you can see the outside pressure coming in a quite a lot sometimes. And yeah, and as you said, with your mum, like my mum, traditional stay-at-home mum, wasn't expected to work really. So therefore, it was very different in their day, back in the day, as it was to us um with ours, and but also with newer parents as well, because you know, the family could be scattered anywhere, they're not necessarily just around the corner. Not all families have that community spirit going on, and I think that's something that's amazing to watch is the different family dynamics, you know, and how it works and and you know, who steps up to help and support. And yeah, I just think you you you're I it's a very privileged role that we have working with parents, I think. And because there's not one size fits all, is it, as you were saying, one size fits one. So enabling them to do that, um, because I think we're trying to navigate uh all of that stuff while still appearing to be really capable and fine externally, but inside we could be crumbling. Um, and that's why the space we give people is it's about them, not about them being a mum. They are a mum or a dad or a carer, but this is about okay, let's focus back in on who you are now. You know, you still bring that amazing stuff, and as you said, Laura, the skills of a of raising a child and the skills you need to have are super useful in any work environment. And I think parents forget to connect that.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

There ain't no AI or robot.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

There definitely isn't.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

You can get a robot swinging chair, you could get an Alexa to read bedtime stories. Yeah, you could, that's true. Loads of tech out there, but yeah. Skin to skin, that stuff that makes all the difference. Deb's got a final reflection, and then it'll be great to hear your call to action, and we'll do a share the secret. So

Freedom Within A Framework

SPEAKER_01 29:19

I think also that skills exchange works the other way as well. And I remember having this Eureka moment of, oh my goodness, just like timing a training day. You've got your ideal start and end times and they're non-negotiable. But when you have the breaks in the middle, most people aren't bothered exactly when the afternoon breaks going to be, as long as they know you're not going to overrun. Freedom within a framework. Freedom within a framework. You said freedom within a framework, Law. And I went, ah. So I think there is sometimes when you're lost in this whole world of new skills you've got to work, sometimes tapping into your work identity might help give you some success criteria. If you're a project manager, how would you manage a project where no one was doing what you wanted them to? If you work a shift, well, what would be look at a good shift look like for you? So there are some incredible wisdoms you can transfer from your work persona into your new parent persona because it's it's still you keeping on top of and coping with whatever is on your radar that day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

I I think you're uh really right, and recognizing that is key because you know, the world around you, when you become a parent, as you know and I know, returns to normal, whatever normal, quite quickly. Um, but for new parents, life has just fundamentally changed forever. Um, and just like, whoa, how do you cope and deal with that? And I think, you know, I think take away the expectations of you know, be be true to you, um, because it changes everything about you, and that's okay. So having that space to be able to do that, um, yeah, I think you know, you're not failing because you know you feel you've changed. I think parenthood was has and was never meant to leave people untouched. And I think that's the that's the real flip because you just are different because you're you know, we don't normally ask people to become different people overnight, but with parenthood, you literally do. Um, and then they realise that okay, I can do this. And I suppose that would be my call to action, Law, would be to think about um what part of yourself might need reconnecting with um beyond the roles that you carry every day. That would be my call to action. Think about what that is for you.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

Debs, I love that. Um, my share the secret would be if you know someone who uh for whom this is super relevant, maybe they are about to start maternity leave, the event hasn't happened yet, and you can see they're starting to feel a little bit wobbly. Get them to listen to this. And it's not just for first-time parents as well. It's when if you know second or third time in the game, then I remember or even adopting, or adopting is another one.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

Yeah, that's another big topic.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Yeah, yeah, and we're gonna pick up on more of these when we get to the others, yeah, other episodes. But Dave's gonna let me even on this. I remember someone saying to me, having a solo child is like having a pet, having multiple children is like running a zoo.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

That's really cool.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

That's brilliant.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

That's brilliant. Yeah, that's a good way of summing it up, I think. But yeah, know that you can.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Know that you can.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

With a plan.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

With a plan. Freedom within a framework.

SPEAKER_02 32:33

Freedom within a framework.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

Wish you every success with navigating bath time tonight.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

Yes, thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

And that's just for me. Oh,

Call To Action And What’s Next

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Debs, I've absolutely loved this. And I think to have your incredible and very unique access to all those hundreds of hours of listening and coaching you've done with working parents, this episode has been looking at all that first step of making the balance work, who am I now, and that identity shift into parenthood. And uh, I can't wait for next week when we're going to be talking about the shift from colleague to parent. So, what does that mean in terms of from a team perspective and how we can then um navigate that when we're um from in when we're back in work and we're kind of having those uh those those balanced conversations. What I also want to pick up next um episode as well, Debs, is yeah, pre versus post pandemic.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Oh, that would be a good one, yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

I wonder whether there's been a shift because hybrid working wasn't really such a thing in 2019. But I wonder what impacts that has had as well in the world of working parents. Yeah. So um good one. Good luck with bath night tonight, Debs.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

And you, Lau. Not with your zoo, you have a pet, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Thank you, absolutely. And um, yes, you know, make sure you brush your teeth and do all those things, Debs.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

Do all those things, I will. I'll be I'll do that lore. I'll read myself a bedtime story as well.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Love it, charming music. Yes, and you're gonna get a poor patrol pepper pig sticker. There we go.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

That's the best. I love that law.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Oh, it's been great, and I love your your experience, your lived experiences as well, because yeah, we've all been there, and I love your stories around that because it just shows we're all human, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:19

Yeah, all human. What also is gonna be great for our remaining episodes as well is we're gonna be m intertwining um recordings and snippets, and we're gonna hear from lots of other people who are gonna put their perspective on it. So uh Definitely. Yeah, wish you well. Oh, David, have a brilliant week.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

Love you too, lovely. Love you. Bye.

How To Contact And Support The Show

SPEAKER_01 34:41

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