Men of Virago: Modern Dating and Marriage Part 2

I, Lyanette Talley, continue the conversation with Philip, Justin, and Milky. This week's episode of Virago 24/7 is a beacon of insight for those charting a course through blended families. With raw honesty, we dissect the delicate balance between building bonds, handling feelings of invisibility due to absentee biological parents, and the seismic aftershocks of past betrayals on our ability to trust and love again.

Amidst the ebb and flow of family life, we also shine a spotlight on the monumental task of fostering resilience in our children against the backdrop of an evolving society. The nuances of motherly protection versus the fatherly impetus to toughen up are dissected, as we discuss how single mothers and diverse family structures are writing new narratives for the future of manhood.  Our stories of our own experiences, underscore the importance of embracing adversity and the potent influence parents have on the growth of young spirits, challenging the very fabric of traditional gender roles.

Wrapping up, we delve into the art of communication within relationships and the intricate nature of trust. I share personal anecdotes that traverse the sometimes murky waters of male-female friendships in the context of marriage, including those with former flames. As we raise a glass to the candid conversations that have unfolded, we laugh about teenage wisdom in a digital world, and the unique perspectives platonic friends offer. It's more than an episode; it's a heartfelt embrace of the complexities of love, parenting, and the continuous journey of personal evolution. Join us and be part of the conversation at Virago 24/7, where real life meets real talk.

Go to my website http://www.virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!

Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley

Transcript

Raising Another Man's Child Challenges

Speaker 1 0:00

Last week on Virago 24/7. Yes, who cheated on you?

Speaker 2 0:05

Yes, that was my first In college.

Speaker 1 0:08

Yes, oh, was it Luranda.

Speaker 2 0:10

Yes, oh.

Speaker 1 0:11

I knew it. She sounds like a cheater. Sorry for all the Lurandas out there, but that's a cheating sounding thing. I don't think there's a lot of Lurandas, but okay.

Speaker 4 0:23

She's out there listening right now. Why are you cheating on Felipe?

Speaker 1 0:28

I'm not cheating on you. Yes, yes, I was, oh, and you were devastated and you've been back with her. So you do forgive, there you go. You do forgive, you went back with her, right you?

Speaker 4 0:37

have a track record, but I didn't forget, but you what? You just had a track record, but I didn't forget and the track record that's already worked. She's manipulating. She's trying to get that all fast.

Speaker 1 0:48

I'm like, no, no, you forgive Luranda, you don't forgive me, and that, no, I wouldn't ever, I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare. I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors. This is for you, Philip, and this was an interesting question. What does it only pertain to you? And this is oh, I know what this is. Yeah, how hard is it to raise another man's child or children, and does it ever bother you? It is hard.

Speaker 2 2:00

And I didn't realize how hard it was going to be, because you always walk into the relationship like, hello, that's my child, I'm the father. But the reality is that's not your child. My biggest thing was, yeah, I walked into the relationship thinking this is what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna be the father, I'm gonna be that person for someone that I didn't actually give life to. There you go, thank you, justin. So, but it's not and that's not your child Doesn't mean you don't love that person.

Speaker 2 2:39

And the beauty of it with Kaylin is I met Kaylin when she was a little over one years old. It was easy to become that father figure for her because her father was pretty much nonexistent and wasn't present. So that was easier. But having him in the early years of her life present was difficult, because you're gonna always hear that you're not my daddy, you can't tell me this. And initially it was great when she started calling me daddy and I loved it, but then she stopped, and she stopped early on and she's never called me that and that really hurts. But I still love her.

Speaker 2 3:25

But it's very difficult and I can't even imagine how difficult it would be if he was present, if he was actually involved in her life.

Speaker 2 3:35

It was difficult enough when he was just a weekend dad and really the fun uncle, but for someone to be in her life and be present, I don't know how it would feel about that, because I probably would feel better in the fact that he actually showed up and spent time with her and was a father to her. Then what he did was disappoint her consistently over time and he was very intentional in not being present, which was my deal breaker. That was one of my things that I wrote down. I was never gonna marry someone that had a child, and I did and obviously didn't follow that. But it is very difficult, to be honest. It's very difficult because you were very protective of her when it came to decisions that we made and things that we did, because you wanted to be that mother and father for her and protect her over things that we did. So our early argument was always about how to raise Kaylin and we had to really talk through and go through things and cause she was spoiled oh what.

Speaker 1 4:47

Who spoiled her? How did she?

Speaker 2 4:49

become spoiled.

Speaker 1 4:51

Oh like, let her cry, she's in there, I let her cry and that was difficult for you I was very protective. She was my little. She wanted to sleep in the bed with us. And I was like no way she's sleeping in the bed with us. She was used to sleeping with me. It was just the two of us, for, yeah, we just slept together.

Speaker 4 5:07

She was there more for you than for her.

Speaker 1 5:10

She was like my little teddy bear, so that was hard. That was difficult.

Speaker 2 5:15

You have to really know what you want and who you are as a person to deal with that, because, yeah, that's not something that you ideally want to have to address.

Speaker 1 5:25

Yeah, that's tough and there's a lot of people and not.

Speaker 2 5:29

Most people now have to deal with that. I mean it'll be very rare, honest Milky, to just for you to walk into a relationship and that female not having a child yes, women have a child.

Speaker 1 5:41

Well, unless he married someone way younger than him.

Speaker 4 5:43

He's gonna marry some girls. You'll be like 20s.

Speaker 1 5:46

Yeah, I mean, unless he married someone younger, she'll be 20. I mean, I was younger, but you guys gonna find me on that list Everybody's talking about.

Speaker 3 5:55

Yeah, you don't know what list.

Speaker 4 5:58

What's the list? The epstein list? Yeah, the what? The epstein list?

Speaker 1 6:03

Oh dang, oh shit.

Speaker 4 6:04

Oh, that list.

Speaker 1 6:06

Oh, I know what you're on about. Oh gosh, no Okay.

Speaker 3 6:08

I'm just mad, I'm not a mother W2. And over here.

Speaker 1 6:15

Oh my gosh, Can a woman raise a man? If and wait, what can a woman raise a man is the next question. Actually I did a show on the yeah, what does that mean? Well, like single moms, we did. We did a show on that. I had a group of girls.

Speaker 3 6:32

Can we raise a man?

Speaker 2 6:33

I'm gonna be very, very, very, very very. I was on. People are going to be like oh no, you can raise a man. No, they cannot. Oh, no way. You're standing firm on that, very firm on that.

Speaker 1 6:45

And then he also asked if no, was your father in your life? So if you think no, was your father present?

Speaker 2 6:50

My father was very present and in my life and I can't even imagine not having a father figure in my life. You can raise a man 100%, I will tell you this. A female to probably more than a male can when it comes to handling a family, raising a daughter or son, but you have to have a father figure in that person's life. You have to in a male. I can't even tell you on the perspective from a female because I'm not one, but as a male, you have to have a father figure in that male's life.

Speaker 1 7:28

Well, there's an example now, like with Khalil, women are going to approach things a little bit more. Most women I'm sure there's women out there that are just are super tough and are more masculine or manly when it comes to, like, decision making. But for the majority of women, for example, khalil Phillip is trying to have him condition, be more conditioned, so that when he goes to soccer tryouts that he's not, you know, out of shape. It's cold. He's driving him to the park and then he has his little backpack and he's running home as part of his conditioning.

Speaker 1 8:02

I'm like, is that a little much for him? If it was just me, I'd be like that wouldn't even be on my radar to even because I'm like I'm protecting him. No, it's cold outside and he's running with a backpack. How many miles is he running? Phillip's like he is fine. He is fine and I'm not a man, but I think men need that kind of push that sometimes I wouldn't do that. So I think that's a small example of how a woman would handle something versus a man, and I think he appreciates that and he's told Phillip I want you to guide me in that way. I want you to tell me hey, go outside and go run hills because he's not going to do it on his own or go out there. He has voiced it to Phillip that that's what he needs, because Phillip will ask the kids what do I need? What can I do more of or less? What do you need from me?

Speaker 2 8:56

And he did say that as a father and as a provider in this house. And I got that from my men's group when we went on a retreat and I heard that from God saying, hey, you need to step up as a leader, but you don't know what you need to step up as a leader until you ask, ask your wife, ask your kids. And so I asked Kalil and I said what do I need to do? He said I need you to push me, I need you to give me feedback on things that I need to do better, because I'm not going to do it on my own. Wow, I said you sure, because I know you don't like it when I tell you this and that. And he said, yeah, I get that I don't like it, but I need it. Good, that was very short for me for him to tell me that at the time, at 14.

Parental Influence and Raising Resilient Children

Speaker 3 9:43

So God's going to look at a situation totally different than a female and it's funny you say that because I remember when I was in, I lived in Connecticut and my dad there was a lady who passed by and she was. She told my dad, hey, your son is built to be in football. You want to get into football? And I was like, yeah, let's get him into football. So I told my mom I was like, nah, you're going to get hurt and I never. So I never learned the game of football ever. And just because my mom said you're going to get hurt, in my mind I was like, oh, I'm going to get hurt. And I was playing with kids Like, even if I didn't get hurt, so what? Like it's not going to be a huge injury or whatever.

Speaker 4 10:24

So you could have been a superstar.

Speaker 3 10:26

He could have been, but you know my dad got me karate, he got me to all this and stuff like that and I hated it. I hated it so much and I would just always be crying to my mom's opinion. So you're going to get hurt.

Speaker 1 10:38

He was always there.

Speaker 3 10:40

And I can you know he didn't get to speak. I could see what he was attempting to do, which is kind of push me.

Speaker 1 10:45

But your mom sounds like she kind of won those battles, like what she said.

Speaker 3 10:51

Yeah, I mean I listened to my mom.

Speaker 2 10:54

And I get that. My mother same thing my father, and this is the difference, though, because when I was going to play sports, my mother was like I don't want to play that sport. He needs to run a track, he needs to play the cello, he needs to do all these other things besides actually getting hurt. And my dad was like, yeah, he needs to get hurt. My sister chose you, so you know what I did both. So I did play football, but I had to wait to play football, and that's what we did with Khalil. Unfortunately, with Khalil the first came, he played with top of football. He broke his wrist. It's horrible First game.

Speaker 3 11:36

The first game. I told you, I told you it was the first.

Speaker 2 11:41

I felt so bad, but this is the crazy thing about it, that was the second time he broke his wrist, because he broke his wrist in Splansocker yeah, the year before.

Speaker 1 11:54

But you're right, you heal. It's heartbreaking as a mother, it's like, oh my gosh, I want to protect my babies. But it builds resilience in us as humans, like we need to go through shit, we need to fall and get hurt in order to see oh, we can heal. I didn't die. Yeah, you cannot grow.

Speaker 2 12:11

If you, everything is safe, everything is perfect, because parents have the tendency to want to protect their children from everything, and that's not reality, because they're going to have to go through something. Obviously you don't want them to have to go through things that you can avoid as a parent, what there are certain things they have to go through. A kid can't grow and develop if they're not having some type of adversity. A human will never grow if they're always comfortable. If you're always comfortable, then you become complacent and you'll never actually grow from adversity. And so for me, I hated it when Khalil went through that, both of those broken ribs, because he developed a lot of anxiety and a lot of issues mentally with that. But he's a stronger person now. I mean, I was sitting down with him last week. I was like man, I know you can run for soccer. You know I'm like can you run?

Speaker 1 13:14

You're making him run and the core of the backpack on.

Speaker 2 13:20

I'm okay with that. I said, but you still like football, you still like getting hit. And he's like, yes, I still love football. I love football more than I love soccer. And I was like all right, I said, you sure you have to say that because I'm I love football. No, I love it. And he's not good in football and he's not the best player the crazy thing about it. He's better in soccer. He's probably going to start this year in soccer, but he doesn't even get on the field in football. But he loves football and he's like a tackling dummy. He gets beat up every 10 practice. That's the 10th grade and but now he's growing, he's getting bigger, which is great, which is awesome.

Speaker 2 14:08

But the mother wouldn't, wouldn't pursue that for him.

Speaker 1 14:12

So, as moms, we just need to let the man. What do you think Justin's? Over there no Justin's waiting his turn.

Speaker 4 14:20

What's your?

Speaker 1 14:20

thinking Justin.

Speaker 4 14:22

So I think the definition of a man is changing in this country.

Speaker 4 14:24

And I think that that definition of a man includes men who grow up with not just one gender of a family and and I think that there's also a lot of young men who are growing and getting influenced by all sorts of different things and mother figures, especially today, I think, especially single mothers it's a lot different than it has been in the past and I think I think, just in general, as we, as our generation moves forward, I think you're going to see a lot more. You're going to see a very different man in the future than what we've seen in the past. I guess you know for a long, for a long while. I think it's going to be very different. Yeah, and I don't think that, and I think that, yeah, women can raise, raise men. They're just not going to be a stereotype, they're just going to be very different. But this doesn't make them more or less a man, it's just going to be a different kind of man and over time there'll be more and more of men like that. So it'll change.

Speaker 4 15:36

It's a cultural shift than what you're seeing in this country. It's going to be very different because there's a lot of other countries in the world that still hold very true to the patriarchal hierarchy and they have it instilled in their things. But they've also, in those same countries, have elected women presidents and have done other things to advance women in their country. I think our country still struggles with that a whole lot and and I think it's just I don't know it's it's all old way of thinking. Remember, we're very young countries, so, yeah, very, very young countries. So we have a lot to learn and I think the world looks at us now and sees us a little bit less like advanced, like you know, like you know they're all looking at us saying, saying uh.

Speaker 4 16:26

the one said Southern, saying uh, oh, bless your heart, america, america, bless your heart.

Speaker 1 16:33

Yeah, I mean because really that question is been around for a while, but it is. Is this what, like you said, it's that stereotype of what people see, think of what a man is. All right, let's go back to relationships. What is the toughest challenge you have faced in your relationship?

Speaker 4 16:55

So would you, Justin, buy milk.

Speaker 1 16:57

It could be like dating for you. All about the money. That's been the biggest challenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Importance of Communication in Relationships

Speaker 4 17:05

Yeah, it takes a lot of time to discuss things like that, to talk through it, and it's been very tough trying to get on the same page, you know. But you know because I, you know, I think I have a, I have a very clear vision of and the goals that I want to hit for long term. You know, financial wealth and and I don't think we're on the same page on that and that's been a day one thing it has it's not and here's the best part, it's not something that ruins the marriage, but it's actually it's time to can make it difficult, but that's okay. That again back to the commitment, back to the understanding that financially we're fine, but I do want to be inclusive in our goals together, because I think together we could really maximize those goals in ways that you couldn't even imagine and we can make those steps very easily together. You know, with full support. But you, the way you talk about it, it takes commitment.

Speaker 4 18:11

It takes a one less Starbucks order. You know it takes. Oh, I bet we love Starbucks, justin, you know it's not. For me it's one less. One less lunch out you know you, you know it's. It's cutting back on on groceries, is like meal planning, it's sacrifices here and there and like not going skiing. Wait, no, no, no, we're not going to.

Speaker 2 18:35

No, that's not going to ski in as much as.

Speaker 4 18:42

No, that's a little that's too much, it's only winter. A certain amount of time. There you go.

Speaker 2 18:49

There you go.

Speaker 4 18:50

There you go. That in and of itself is a fraction. There you go. So finance Fraction over fraction.

Speaker 2 18:56

Yeah, finance for sure, fractions are always a big thing, so finances, so what's the question again, the toughest challenge you face?

Speaker 1 19:03

you have faced in your relationship so many. Which one would you like to pick?

Speaker 2 19:08

It's communication.

Speaker 3 19:10

It's communication.

Speaker 2 19:12

So when we do not actually communicate and I might go back to it again when we assume, when we don't communicate, when we assume this is how things are, this is how this person is thinking, that's where the problems become. And we always have to be very intentional on how we communicate with each other and ask the questions and discuss things, because I think that's the biggest. The biggest thing is not communicating, because we can get into a routine. We can get into and it feels good at first when you're like I'm in a routine, we got this little groove going, but it can easily become complacency and when it becomes that, then you don't think you need to communicate. You don't think, oh, she knows what I'm thinking, or he knows what I'm thinking and we're on this journey together and we have the same expectations, we have the same everything. But things change, people change and when that happens you have to communicate. And you have to communicate multiple times over time.

Speaker 1 20:21

Philip do we not communicate Like why is he bringing this up?

Speaker 4 20:27

I'm not kidding, this is a men's podcast, like I thought.

Speaker 1 20:30

We communicated just fine, no, no, it's true, that's been our biggest. We've gotten way better.

Speaker 2 20:38

Nowadays. That's my biggest concern with this society is people are so focused on social media, so focused on technology, but it becomes to a human and being a human and talking to someone and communicating with that person and finding out what their values are, what they likes and dislikes and what makes them tick, and then trying to like, accommodate that person. And I go back to Brian, because that was our guy in our men's group that got at us and that was his whole purpose as relationships. And if you don't develop that with someone and know what they like and well know what they don't like, and Every time it has to be with you, know just this social media and talking to people.

Speaker 1 21:33

Well, I think it's not. People communicate a lot. I mean social media. That's what they're doing all day long is typing, typing. I think it's also like, even with the listening yeah, with the relationships, there's times when we walked away that we were not on the same page, but we were what's the word? Respectful of it. I'm not trying to change your mind. I want you to understand my point of view and you can understand and still disagree, and I think that's where people get caught up in the, in relationships. It's like you want to win them over to your side, and I've learned.

Speaker 1 22:05

I just want you to understand my perspective.

Speaker 2 22:08

It's like, it's like the you want someone to always agree with you.

Speaker 1 22:12

Yeah, that's not realistic.

Speaker 2 22:14

That person don't always agree with you, one that doesn't make you better, one that doesn't make you grow, and to that's not realistic. Because, yeah, I might not agree with Justin, that doesn't mean I don't love him as a brother and I don't appreciate his input that he gives, because his perspective is his perspective and I don't have that same perspective. But I should always listen to what he says, and it's not about someone liking me or Wanting to agree with everything I agree with, and that's this. The side is like if they don't agree with me, then they're my enemy. Then agree with you, then it's okay, it should be okay. But now it's about oh, it's this, oh, they don't agree with me, then they're the, they're the problem and I'm great, right.

Speaker 1 23:08

Challenges milky. I know you're not married, but girl, what are your girl challenge?

Speaker 3 23:13

Yeah, you're I guess, I guess more superficial, be more like, more like trust. You know, just kind of building that trust is very challenging because in the process of knowing somebody it's a distrust yeah. It's one of the challenging, but I feel like once I get past that, then everything would just kind of flow.

Speaker 4 23:38

These ladies been burning you.

Speaker 3 23:41

Hey man, put yourself in my shoes.

Speaker 1 23:44

We are wrapping it up. There's one last question and if you guys want to expand on anything else, oh, we went through all of them already. Yeah, that's really good.

Speaker 3 23:52

I mean, it's like so there's not gonna be a part three. Oh.

Speaker 1 23:56

I'll get more questions. Yeah, I don't have any more questions.

Speaker 3 24:00

Let's not be honest. No, they do mark them for them for my neighbor.

Speaker 4 24:03

I'm gonna bring him. I want yeah. Well, I want you it.

Speaker 1 24:06

I want this to be like a continuation. I want this to be like part, like if we can do it once a month, that'd be great, but once a quarter would be cool too.

Speaker 4 24:16

Once a quarter.

Speaker 1 24:17

Like I want it to be, like a consistent thing. Yes, we can do that.

Speaker 2 24:21

Yeah, so we can do that.

Speaker 1 24:24

If your significant other didn't like your best friend and asked for him or her not to come around, how would you take that? Okay?

Speaker 3 24:36

Bros before hose you know this goes a long way really that's a very easy question.

Speaker 4 24:41

That's a bottom of the bear.

Speaker 1 24:43

Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 24:48

No no shit, we on we were getting married and she's like no, you know what? By the way, I just wanted to be a little honest. I don't, really don't like Philip. No.

Speaker 1 25:02

I was gonna say cuz Justin, you have a lot of friends from high school that go back to high school, so you're telling me that you would just drop their asses. Shannon, I wouldn't mean, I would drop them, you was just no no, he's.

Speaker 4 25:25

The girl is Okay. I misunderstood.

Speaker 1 25:28

I'm like I thought you were dropping the friends. I'm like you Know your friendship but you talking about okay, that makes sense. Yes, so Anna's never said you got to drop somebody, no, she hates all my friends, you.

Speaker 4 25:53

She would to come up to me. You know what? I really don't want your friends coming over anymore. I'll be like, oh yeah, I really don't dare oh.

Speaker 1 26:02

I knew she didn't like me. I knew it this whole time. I knew he loves you. So what's your question? Again, if, if I told you you need to drop your best friend, would you? How would you?

Speaker 2 26:17

try to drop air.

Speaker 1 26:19

I made you drop people. Yeah, considered your best friend.

Speaker 2 26:23

This is the deal. This is the deal. Let's go to that, let's go to that. So I had a lot of female friends, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 26:35

So going back to your other question, when you talk about oh, the guys don't like share. I shared with my female friends about things that were going on and things of that nature, because it was easier to share with them, because they had a perspective and it was great. But being married, this is, you know, when you have to grow and learn and improve. We said the commitment to grow together. I had to understand that you can't have a lot of female friends. What's this?

Speaker 1 27:08

It just I just.

Speaker 4 27:09

I just way disagree, but no, no.

Speaker 1 27:13

It is not all female friends. There is certain female friends, and these are the female friends that he dated in the past.

Speaker 3 27:22

That were named around.

Speaker 1 27:25

So don't make it seem like it was like just a just platonic there's no camera in here, he's got them around.

Speaker 4 27:36

He's got an empty cup right now.

Speaker 1 27:38

Including wife number one, and when I met him he okay listen.

Speaker 4 27:44

So that's, three friends Okay. Okay, let's refresh.

Speaker 3 27:47

This is part three.

Speaker 2 27:48

No, I'm just letting you know, no.

Speaker 1 27:54

I don't want people to think that I'm like, oh, you can't have a female friend. That is not true. You have a lot of female friends and you and you talk to them, and even now you do. You talk to them on the phone, you go have lunch with them, I'm okay. But there were certain ones that I'm like what's the point? Is she really a friend? Why are we keeping these Right?

Speaker 2 28:18

These, these people remember I never, I never. I'm just saying he's just, I never Don't make me.

Speaker 4 28:27

You Tell them I need you, if you want to talk about challenges in the relationship.

Speaker 1 28:35

So doesn't that's been a big?

Navigating Male-Female Friendships in Relationships

Speaker 2 28:36

challenge in the relationship and I had to grow because yeah, that was, that was not. I had a lot of female friends and, yes, most of the people I dated we still became, we still were friends 100%, making drinks.

Speaker 4 28:54

So I have to explain.

Speaker 1 28:56

It's Friday night it's Friday night we have a drink.

Speaker 4 28:58

I'm drinking water, I'm being my wife, you're being very good. Wait, what are you making, justin? Old facts.

Speaker 1 29:03

He's like a bartender over here. I'll taste it. I'll taste it. I'll taste it. I might need a sip of alcohol for this conversation.

Speaker 4 29:11

A couple dash of bitters. We don't have any oranges.

Speaker 1 29:17

Actually that tastes good. That puts some hair on my chest.

Speaker 4 29:23

That's whiskey you don't need anymore.

Speaker 1 29:29

So yes, go on.

Speaker 2 29:31

So I had a bunch of female friends. Some of them were platonic, some of them were people I dated and we became friends and we were main friends. So yes, in my mind initially being very naive and very, very ignorant, is I should keep all of my female friends despite, just in case no matter what.

Speaker 1 29:58

Thank you, justin, just in case, this is a workout.

Speaker 2 30:04

I know they got to deal with it. We were my female friends, but I agree with Lyanette said half of my female friends were people I had dated in the past Half.

Speaker 3 30:18

Yes, thank you. That's 50% for all the sisters.

Speaker 1 30:23

And I was supposed to be okay with that.

Speaker 2 30:27

So I was very naive, very ignorant when it came to that. Some people I shared things with and it was great to have that perspective because you could talk to those people female friends and actually.

Speaker 4 30:44

Hey look, I look I'm going to come out here because I have a lot of female friends.

Speaker 1 30:50

Yeah, but did you?

Speaker 4 30:50

date a couple of them. No, I didn't date a couple of them. Thank you, but I have a lot of female friends and I owe a lot of some really great conversations with them.

Speaker 1 31:02

That's not the problem. That is not the problem. I agree that made me grow.

Speaker 4 31:06

Yes, In my marriage, in my life, in my relationships.

Speaker 1 31:10

they're wonderful, wonderful people I have just as much to tell them no problem with that, and I get that. It's the ex-wife and I have the love of the ex-booty.

Speaker 4 31:18

Call the ex-booty call those kind of people. I didn't mean to, I don't have those. I don't have them around, thank you.

Speaker 1 31:26

Justin.

Speaker 2 31:27

So, I had to learn from that and that was a growth process for me.

Speaker 1 31:31

And yes, and he let go, and he let go eventually, but he went kicking and screaming.

Speaker 2 31:42

So after I kicked and screaming and let go, I realized that that was not productive, it wasn't, that was not, that was not being intentional, I'm just curious.

Speaker 4 31:55

In my marriage.

Speaker 1 31:55

What kind of stuff that you and your ex-wife talk about when you guys were friends and we were married, like that's just interesting to me.

Speaker 2 32:03

You know what it?

Speaker 3 32:03

was. It was about like How's your dad doing?

Speaker 2 32:07

Oh.

Speaker 3 32:07

I'm sure. Save save.

Speaker 4 32:09

How's Milky with the save? How's the dog? Oh, he's still alive. Wow, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, you don't need anything to let me know Exactly.

Speaker 2 32:15

But you know, we are all friends, we are all friends, we are all friends, we are all friends, we are all friends.

Speaker 2 32:23

But I realized that that was a productive conversation, protect a real relationship, and I think the thing was it was more of me saying you know what? I have someone I can actually talk to, from a perspective that I can't talk to a male with, because, yeah, there's certain things you do you can't relate with, but having a true platonic female friend is awesome Because they can give you a perspective that you can't ever truly understand.

Speaker 4 33:01

Yeah, do you feel, as a man, were they all single or were they married? They were both. They were both Okay, mostly single, mostly single, okay. So did you feel, even if they're single or they're married, did you feel some sort of a connection or some sort of a man figure in their lives? Yes, okay, and was that the?

Speaker 2 33:28

And it was reciprocal, because they would have questions for me about relationships. They were in Gotcha and I mean like hey, is this the thing? This is what I told Katelyn, too, when she was dating. You can't go to your mother and ask her about a relationship with a guy, because I'm the only one that can give you that answer. Your mother can give you a perspective, which is awesome and great, but I'm the only one that knows what that guy's thinking. I know what he's thinking when he's telling you this. I know what a guy's thinking when he's saying whatever I've done that, I've been there your mother can only tell you how she feels about when a guy tells you this or that. I can tell you what he's really saying when he says that.

Speaker 3 34:25

I mean, and I will add, I would rather have my kids, if I had kids go to their mother than go to their friends. But I agree 100% with what you're saying.

Speaker 2 34:35

You don't want them to go to your friends. Their friends don't know anything. No, what are you talking about? But they do.

Speaker 4 34:39

No dude teenagers. Now you know this is got the memo. They know everything.

Speaker 1 34:46

They're a lot smarter.

Speaker 4 34:48

They were. They are way smarter. They have phones.

Speaker 3 34:51

That has all the information that they need in it. It's all they need. They have everything they have.

Speaker 4 34:57

They have their crystals.

Speaker 3 35:02

If something goes wrong.

Speaker 4 35:03

They know the answer. They don't know it, google will. Yes, yes, 100%. They know that's funny 100%.

Speaker 1 35:12

All right, guys. This is always so much fun, but wait, hold on, I'm going to say this for a while.

Speaker 3 35:16

Oh OK, I thought we were done. No wait, there's more.

Speaker 1 35:20

Well, I've been.

Speaker 4 35:21

Wait, let's put this in the post script. Yeah, Be, like bonus. Yeah, the milkwaters extended editions there's more.

Speaker 3 35:28

I want to say that funny thing I've been in the end of my best friends telling them they don't want to hang around with me. Oh, yes, oh it's good.

Speaker 3 35:41

And the only reason that she said that is because I'm single. So she assumed that every time I hang around with him is to do certain things. And I really do respect my friends on relationship to the point that most of the times I actually get along better with the wife that I do with my friends. After a while they just get to know me and the relationship is just great.

Speaker 4 36:03

You text your homies' wives? Yeah, they text me.

Speaker 3 36:06

Sometimes I get texts from. I get texts happy birthdays from them. Then I do it from my homies. Oh, that's a whole different, and I have little heart emojis and like lipstick emojis and sex. No, because there's a line of respect. You can send anything and it's still all cool because it's boundaries.

Speaker 2 36:26

But I do text my friends.

Speaker 3 36:29

I talk to my friend, which is weird she's married and she told me, because I told her about it, because I felt bad, and she said well, you know what, I don't let my husband hang around with his single friends like that. But I don't say no and I hang around with her.

Speaker 1 36:43

Thank you the last word? Yeah, I don't know about that. She told me that. And I was like well, and she said yeah, because what are you going to talk about? What are you going to?

Speaker 4 36:50

do she's like that. And then she told me we're going to talk about you crazy. Exactly the same thing.

Speaker 3 36:55

We're going to talk about exactly you.

Speaker 4 36:57

But it's funny because I was single and she hangs around with me.

Speaker 1 37:00

That's what I mean, but I was so nervous, but I was so weird because I'm like I think that's weird because that's a dumb reason, yeah, so.

Speaker 3 37:12

I have two friends that stop that, stop talking to you, and he says hi here and there, but I really know what it is, it's not the same.

Speaker 1 37:21

And I don't feel that hurt.

Speaker 3 37:22

Yeah, because it makes me feel like we've been through so much. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 37:28

Yeah, I am. You were going through a mini breakup, Like that's really what it is. The man could be like listen, like rich I mean.

Speaker 1 37:35

I wonder what conversation they're having with their wives.

Speaker 3 37:39

A good friend, though, would just respect that I wouldn't go against him, of course.

Speaker 4 37:43

For nothing, of course.

Speaker 3 37:45

My bro. You know I'm here and that's it. I'm not gonna go against him. That's their marriage. That's the way they decided that. Who am I? Oh man.

Speaker 1 37:52

Yeah, he's talking about himself. I'm talking about him For the man and the. Thing it's like what are you like? So men can't be friends with single men if they're married? That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 3 38:07

I'm gonna have her listen to this podcast.

Speaker 1 38:09

That's the craziest thing.

Speaker 3 38:10

That's what she said.

Speaker 4 38:12

That means you have and you have single male friends, is what I'm hearing.

Speaker 1 38:15

I mean, what are you gonna do though? Justin, yes, single male no.

Speaker 4 38:19

Yeah, we need to hang out more. Well, we do I think?

Speaker 1 38:22

that's ridiculous. And that's another she has trust issues. That's exactly what we're talking about. That's what that is. That's what it is.

Speaker 3 38:30

It doesn't seem. I mean, I hang around with him a few times, so he's not my friend, my friend is her. But he really doesn't give me the vibe of a guy who just or does it.

Speaker 4 38:41

Milky has gives off the impression of being a very well connected man and with lots of ladies around him. And temptations and things.

Speaker 1 38:51

I don't think he draws to him?

Speaker 4 38:54

I don't think.

Speaker 2 38:55

I do but Temptation.

Speaker 4 38:57

He's almost like temptation Island.

Speaker 2 38:59

That's right.

Speaker 1 39:01

We don't have a husband going to that island.

Speaker 4 39:04

Well, you go out, you will.

Speaker 3 39:08

You will. I'm just experiencing. I'm gonna end this podcast saying I have a list.

Speaker 1 39:13

I'm gonna be dropping us a name, I was there. I'm hard to so. When you guys went to the cigar bar last time, I should have been worried that you guys were with Milky that night.

Speaker 2 39:22

You should Dang. I need to call Anna. I need to call Anna.

Speaker 1 39:26

I be like listen this Milky kid. We can't let our husbands hang out with every single.

Speaker 3 39:32

That is crazy to me. I respect all my friends on marriage and I, you know, I applaud them for being the way they are, for like maintaining a family, which is really important, so I'm not into none of that. And so I have friends who are married who are into really cheating, and I'm not a part of it, into real cheating.

Speaker 2 39:54

Damn. Yeah, he dropped the mic on that one. Yeah, damn, I'm not a part of it. Yeah, jax Milky has her own list. He has his own list.

Speaker 3 40:02

McRae has his own list.

Speaker 1 40:05

He's got the all these guys holding his own cases. The more he drinks, the more he's spilling the whiskey tea. I like it.

Speaker 4 40:12

The whiskey tea I love the whiskey tea, the muskow tea I think that's the muskow tea, anything else you would like to add, because?

Speaker 1 40:19

I was gonna wrap it up. But this is juicy. What else? What else you got in your little bag over there?

Virago 24-7 Discussion

Speaker 3 40:24

He and I say I'm just so glad that I'm part of this. It's again, it's very therapeutic. This conversation hopefully will help. Hope you guys will just laugh and enjoy, entertain, but also learn and any questions just ask. We're just approaching everything. We can't wait, yeah.

Speaker 4 40:41

All right, guys, I'm here for the booze, hey, I know, I know Brave oes.

Speaker 1 40:45

All right, we'll see you guys next time. Thank you as always. Thank you, bye. So love you. Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that Subscribe button and please give us five-star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Virago24 underscore seven and on Facebook at Virago24 slash seven, and just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you.