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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast for women who are done shrinking.
I’m your host, Lyanette Talley—mother, wife, truth-teller, and warrior in progress.
Here is where we unlearn silence, honor our roots, and reclaim our voices.
We talk real life—identity, marriage, motherhood, leadership, and healing—with boldness and truth.
If you’ve ever been told you’re too loud, too much, or too ambitious...
You’re exactly where you need to be.
This is everyday growth. Everyday healing. For everyday warriors.
We’re not shrinking. We’re taking up space.
Virago 24/7
Empowerment, Cultural Identity, and Overcoming Challenges
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What if you could transform your life by embracing the power of indifference? On this episode of Virago 24/7, we are joined by our inspiring guests Shiney and Briana as we embark on an emotional journey through the complexities of co-parenting, personal growth, and finding empowerment amidst challenges. Briana shares her heartfelt story of navigating love, hate, and unmet expectations, while Shiney and I offer advice on reaching a state of indifference to break free from negative energy. We dissect the struggles of dealing with narcissistic tendencies and emphasize the importance of focusing on what can be controlled in order to move forward stronger and more confident.
The episode takes a personal turn as I recount a recent health scare involving a mammogram. Despite the anxiety of pending biopsy results, I share my journey of staying positive and the critical role that regular health screenings and supportive friends play in such situations. Our conversation balances seriousness with a touch of humor, as we highlight the importance of precautionary health measures and the strength that comes from a supportive community.
Join us as we explore the rich tapestry of cultural identity and beauty standards prompted by Shiney’s experiences as a young Indian woman. We celebrate diversity through candid discussions on societal perceptions of age, beauty, and the fascinating dynamics of ethnicity and language. We dive into the nuances of both Hispanic and Indian cultures, sharing personal anecdotes and insights into how generational differences shape our sense of identity. Through all these conversations, we emphasize the significance of choosing family beyond blood ties and nurturing the bonds that truly matter. Listen in for a heartfelt journey of empowerment, self-awareness, and cultural appreciation that promises to leave you inspired and uplifted.
Go to my website http://www.virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Empowering Women Through Conversation
Speaker 1On today's show. I have Shiny and Brianna with me today and we talk about why Brianna hates her life, why my mammogram scans are of concern to the doctors, and we also talk about culture and why Shiny felt not seen as a young brown Indian woman, Indian girl. And yeah, we. You know when we speak we are on a roller coaster of conversations, so come and join us. Hope you enjoy. Hi, I am your host, Leonette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day.
Speaker 1Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with Everyday Warriors. Hello, Hi, I know I think I'm glad we're all here today. We came in a little bit on the sleepy side, the three of us, this one over here, little nugget comes in and I want to know more. How are you doing and what'd you say? I hate my life, Just like that. So we all want to know why do you hate your life, Right, Shiny? All want to know why do you hate your life, right, shiny? We want to know.
Speaker 2We're like what is happening because people need to pay attention to who they have babies with. Tell us more if I could give any advice to any young person out there don't get pregnant and I hate saying that because I love the shit out of my kids. Just let it out.
Speaker 1Oh wow, hate is a strong word and I mean it with shit out of my kids. Just let it out.
Speaker 2Oh wow, Hate is a strong word, and I mean it with every fiber of my being.
Speaker 3But let me just tell you, because I've, I know you're not, you don't have a researcher?
Speaker 4Oh no.
Speaker 3But I wasn't going to go in that direction. I was going to say that hate is linked to love, is linked to love because you, it's. It's you still holding on to things?
Speaker 2um, and being disappointed about expectations that were not met. Um, just be a good human. That's like the only expectation I have.
Speaker 3Your goal is going to be indifference.
Speaker 1Yeah, actually I agree with Shiny. Yeah, there's still feelings there and that's why you have these big emotions Hatred when you don't give a shit, when you're like, like you said, neutral you don't feel any of it.
Speaker 2I've been co-parenting for almost 12 years now, so my expectation is that my kids have their fathers in their lives.
Speaker 3This has motivated her to know what she wants, because I think the beauty and I know that this is what I'm going to do is see that in. This is sometimes, when someone makes us so angry, it forces us to think in a different perspective and see like no, why am I settling for this? I need this, this is better for me, so what does?
Speaker 3she do. She doesn't have to explain anymore. She doesn't have to. You know, she should try her best to not even engage like accept him, accept that this is how he is. And now what do I do about it? Yeah, because you're right. You can't change anyone.
Speaker 1I think the back and forth and I've said this, but I think everyone needs to get to their own place of accepting. I would just leave him on, read and that's it Like. I think you go back and forth with him and I know it's because you feel like if I say this it's going to change his perspective. It hasn't worked and it only frazzles you even more and pisses you off even more and it hurts you and I think hopefully you'll get to a place where you don't feel like you have to engage. I know it's so hard. I've been there with other people, not necessarily a baby daddy. Well, yeah, for a short while actually.
Speaker 1It just seems like such a long time ago. He's a long distance memory.
Speaker 2Like it's just lose, lose. Everything is lose, lose, I'm losing.
Speaker 1That's what it feels like right now. It's not going to feel like this forever. I know it does feel like that and you and I've had that conversation before, but I think step one is to just disengage.
Speaker 3So that's where you're stuck, because you are a giving, caring mom and the expectation that he will be anything like that it's, it's hard.
Speaker 1It's. It's going to get better. You're just going to have to control how you respond. You can't do anything for him.
Speaker 3Exactly, this is it, man, and we can say this all day long, but it is your journey and and I have been in similar positions with various people, um with you know, narcissistic qualities because, just because, because you, we can't diagnose anybody but anyone who's like oh, really, oh.
Speaker 1Bree and I will. Oh, bree and I diagnose all day long he bipolar, she a narcissist, she a bitch, or really selfish, she evil, or really selfish people.
Speaker 3You know it's hard, but the truth is that we all have to acknowledge is someone who has any narcissistic tendencies is only thinking about themselves. They're not thinking about, you know, our kids or our loved ones, or our friends or, and definitely not, us. So it's a hard one to swallow because, because you are the way you are, because you are a giving, caring, loving, over the top person who goes above and beyond, it is super hard to accept. Not only do we want you to build your confidence, we feel confident in you. I can feel it. Oh yeah, thank you. It's not something that we're going to fear. Monger about money, time. What will happen Exactly?
Speaker 1What are they going to say about you? You, I think, what's holding you right now? Now there's a wall in front of you and it's all those things the money, your alcoholism, all these things that you think are going to be thrown back in your face. Who cares? You own it. This is who you are. Your concerns are valid, but we need to kick that wall down.
Speaker 3Yeah and change. It is instead of you wanting to see him the way you are, we want you to see yourself the way we see you.
Speaker 1Exactly that's because you are a badass, thank you, and that's what's stopping her. Yeah, is that you are lacking that confidence in yourself?
Speaker 3the first time time we recorded, I said Brianna, you're incredible, you're. You are so young, you don't? You don't see what, what I, what I see, and I don't know you even an ounce of how Leonette knows you, but what I do is incredible.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3You are a mom who goes above and beyond, and I'm a mom too, and not all moms are like that. Like, not all moms are innately so nurturing, and so you know, and they don't have to be we come in all different shapes and sizes, colors, everything. But again back to you're so young and you know how important your kids are. You brought them into this world and you are responsible for them, and that's beautiful, thank you. You're beautiful, thank you.
Facing Biopsy Results With Positivity
Speaker 1So chin up, knockers out head up I watch um, what is it? Miss mazel, something? Some the marvelous miss mazel, and that's what she says chin up, tits out. Yeah, that's what we're going to do. Oh, speaking of tits, we're going to take this down the road. So this morning I had an appointment. So you all know about my high cholesterol. If you listen to, the past shows so high cholesterol, glucose levels. And then I had to go get a mammogram because I haven't done it since after I turned 40. So it's been about three years. And so my right breast. I guess they found something. So I went back this morning and now I need a freaking biopsy on my tit-tits. Can you feel it? No, it's not even a lump. They call it calcification, which I read is probably nothing, but also, it could be. I think they're just taking precautions. I'm not worried. To be honest, I know this happens to women every single day.
Speaker 2Did they give you like a probability or no, but I Googled it.
Speaker 1What did that say? The Google says there's a great chance, there's nothing.
Speaker 3Okay, yeah, like a high percentage right, shiny, yes, and I, yes, I love that.
Speaker 1Yeah, because we I think everyone knows any medical professional knows that it's going to be googled um and I'm thinking, because I have my breast reduction, I'm like, well, maybe my tissue, like something happened, because I did have surgery um two years ago, so I'm not worried. But Missy, over here, like I'm texting the girls, I'm like, hey, I'm on my appointment, you know, just updating them because we were going to record today. And she's like, oh my gosh, oh, it was really cute. You're sweet, but I'm calm, cool and collected and if it is something more serious, then I I was like why is she?
Speaker 2And she said the C word in text message. I was like no, don't say that word. Well, I said.
Speaker 1I said I don't think it is, but if it is cancer, then at least I'll get some nice perky implants, Because we're going to chop these babies off.
Speaker 2Don't say that word.
Speaker 1They're going to be perky. I, it's gonna be wonderful and because I'm eating right, hopefully I'm losing weight, kind of, yeah, I'm gonna be like no high cholesterol, no glucose, like I'm gonna be like cancer out of my body. No, I don't want to joke about cancer, but I have to. It's weird like when serious stuff comes up like this, I can get very zen about it and other things like, other things like there's many things that are very trivial that work me up I'm real calm right now.
Speaker 2Yeah, you were like super calm this morning. I was like why the fuck is she being so?
Speaker 1calm, it's, it's gonna be okay. So next wednesday we're gonna get the biopsy, which I don't like needles like that but they say they're gonna numb me, so then.
Speaker 2So then, you should get the results by friday.
Speaker 1They said two to three days, yeah, but I think it's going to be fine.
Speaker 2Will they call you or do you go in the office?
Speaker 1I don't know. I'm going to be in Dallas at a Cowboys game. I don't know, I'm not going to be available. I'm not going to be Hello.
Speaker 3You probably have a portal and that's pretty fast. So I do have a portal.
Speaker 1So the portal, I literally get it instantly and then you have to read and all this like medical terms and stuff, but you get the gist of it and then later on they call is what has happened?
Speaker 3And usually it's no news is good news. If a doctor or any medical professional isn't calling you, it's a good sign.
Speaker 4That's true.
Speaker 3And I already said on our text, when in doubt, check it out. That's true, and I already said on our text when in doubt, check it out. That's true. Prevention is the key.
Speaker 1So everyone send your prayers to me and my right boobie. Put all the prayers into that right boobie. So it's not a lump, so no it's like white spots that come up on the mammogram. I don't know. I Googled this. Nobody explained to me. I was like what are we talking about? So it's white spots and I guess white spots could be cancerous.
Speaker 3Or they could be calcium buildup Calcium yeah, what causes calcium buildup?
Speaker 1Surgeries, injuries. What else did I read? Cancer, yeah, like, and I'm thinking okay, because I had my surgery.
Speaker 2sorry, how long before your um breast reduction did you have your last mammogram? Do you know so?
Speaker 1I had my mammogram in 2021, like early 2021, and then I had my in 2022, right late 2022, so like yeah, and so they're comparing that to this new one, okay, and they're saying something that's not the same. That's a little off. So I'm.
Speaker 2I'm kind of what was their energy like? Were they just like we need to get you in for a biopsy, Like is that? Or were they like we're just going to take your caution, I think, because they do this every day.
Speaker 1Yeah, they're so chill, calm and collected, and I think they have to be that way because, yeah, they don anxious people out there that would be like oh my gosh.
Speaker 2Like if this was you Bree, you'd probably be like oh my gosh, I'm dying. Tomorrow I'd be giving you custody of my children. Yeah, like we would be drawing up wills. Yeah.
Speaker 1All the things, and so no, they were real chill about it. They're like you know, they just walk you through the procedures and I don't know.
Speaker 3They're just really chill. And why work anyone up when you don't know?
Speaker 1Exactly, and that's what it is.
Speaker 2This is more to see, because it's something that they see every day. So, like dad, for example, if he sees oral cancer, he's going to tell the patient like well, we just have to do a Velsco or an oral cancer screening. But he knows in the back of his mind whether or not it's something to be concerned about, but they're not going to tell you until it's official.
Speaker 1Official, so maybe it is and they're just not telling me. Okay, I don't know. We're going to find out next week when.
Speaker 2I'm in Dallas. You better call me as soon as you get those results.
Speaker 1I will.
Speaker 2Give me the login to your portal girl.
Speaker 3This girl would get the results before me she is too much.
Speaker 4I'm going to get the face.
Speaker 2ID set up on your phone so I can log into the portal.
Speaker 1She'll be logging in every hour. She's like do we have the results? She'll be texting me in Dallas like what's happening? How come they haven't posted it.
Speaker 3She's going to get back to me and say I have read the report.
Speaker 1She Googles everything.
Speaker 2In conclusion, you're going to live.
Speaker 3I've translated she googles everything. In conclusion, I translated it.
Speaker 1Yeah, with the help of she surely would. Um, I'm gonna put your email address instead of mine so that you get the email, and I'll give you my login.
Speaker 2No, because what if it's something bad? I'm not gonna be the one to tell you oh yeah, you're right, you're right. You wouldn't want me to be the one to tell you, oh yeah you're right.
Speaker 3You're right and you wouldn't want me to be the one to tell you To answer what she said. You know how did they react, how were they? How was their behavior? If you needed, if someone that was looking at everything thought it needed to be moved up in any escalation and tests needed to be ordered, stat that would have happened. There we go, so nothing to see here, okay.
Speaker 1Nothing to see here that makes me feel better.
Speaker 2We're good, I'll sleep tonight, bree, you're going to be okay.
Speaker 3She's not going into emergency breast surgery today.
Speaker 2Leonette's. Like I have a tumor and I'm like, can you console me, though? I?
Speaker 1know, I don't know, you know I, I think I don't. I don't fear death, and so I think anything that's to come doesn't frazzle me, because I don't fear death. What I do fear is how I die. So like I don't want to be caught on fire, Like I don't want to die while I'm like in flames, I don't want to drown like suffocation, um. But other than that, I'm like I'm just not fearful of dying. Maybe it's my spiritual walk, I just I'm not afraid, and so maybe that helps. I don't know, I'm terrified of death, really yes.
Speaker 3I don't know, I'm not afraid. I have to agree with you. I and I'm not trying to be dark, but I've always had this feeling that I'm going to go earlier than maybe I thought I was years ago.
Speaker 1Like early how.
Speaker 3Like Earlier than I don't know 140, 104.
Speaker 2Oh oh damn girl, when did you start feeling this way?
Speaker 3In the last five, six years and one of the reasons is sort of hopeful. I don't want to be a burden or a problem or trouble for for my kids or for anyone. I want their lives to be easy and less stressful than they have been or any of the times that they have been. And if anything, I would like one of my goals for my kids is to continue to parent in a way where I'm not a source of their stress.
Speaker 1I know, but what does that have to do with you dying early?
Speaker 2They're not going to have less stress.
Speaker 1I know when you're dead, Like wait a minute.
Speaker 2She's like I have come to peace with dying because my kids will be less stressed.
Speaker 1What.
Speaker 2Without me.
Speaker 3What are we saying me? What are we? Okay, maybe I'm not saying it okay, I mean, I don't want my kids, if, if I needed to be in diapers any yeah anything that some someone felt the need that they I had to be taken here. Okay, I'm actually totally fine with living in a commune with my friends, my old lady friends.
Speaker 1That would be fun.
Speaker 2I have a picture that you'd be in the star at the nursing home.
Speaker 1She'll have her own little garden somewhere on site, and we've got to make sure we all wear condoms, because that's a prominent place for STDs.
Speaker 2I mean really, you're on the edge, that Okay.
Speaker 3Because they live on the edge over there. I know, and that's like I remember when I was in school and I doubt it's even changed but that people underestimate old people, I know.
Speaker 1But that's crazy how they are still able to like, get it on Like. Their bodies still work that way.
Speaker 3I watched the Golden Bachelor and I'm'm watching the golden bachelorette.
Speaker 1They really the the guy that she the last episode, the guy that she danced with at the prom. Whoa, how old are they?
Speaker 3because I don't watch any of that. Well, it's not old, he's 61. He's a tall. He's a tall black guy with, like that is not really a shape. That's no six years for philip. I don't. I don't actually think it's old.
Speaker 4You're calling it golden I agree, I don't think it's old either, but in six years but my baby will be right there
Speaker 2my kids think I'm ancient. Well, yeah, I mean, my son thinks I'm ancient yeah, yeah, they don't, they don't know any better.
Speaker 3I feel I feel young, I I feel that I give off young energy. I feel that way that you do.
Speaker 1You do the person that I've been working with closely.
Speaker 3She said she thought I was 35.
Speaker 1Well, stop that. I was like hey, you're like, and I was a few years ago, that's good. Yeah, I got a compliment from the boob nurse, see.
Speaker 3Yeah, she said, those are nice ones.
Speaker 1This was after I had my clothes on. I had my clothes on and she complimented my face. Well, you have a beautiful face. When she saw my date of birth she was like wow, really.
Speaker 3What's your secret? You know how Facebook has like the little facials.
Speaker 2The Facebook memories there was a picture of us from like a long time ago. I think it was nine years Was it really I think it was nine years ago. And I texted it to Lena and I was like how the fuck have you not like? You haven't aged? You look the exact same.
Speaker 1I mean my face is a little rounder, but that's all.
Speaker 2I don't know, I don't feel that way. I don't know. I get comments every time Maddox and I are in public together, not with Axel, but with Maddox. He'll be like hey, mom, and somebody will be like mom.
Speaker 4Especially old men they love to say that shit, that's not your mom, that's not your mom Maddox
Speaker 3is like yeah, it.
Speaker 1Probably, or like she's this maybe like a babysitter or something. Yes, it's going to get worse when he's a teenager.
Speaker 2I mean, he towers over me now I know, but when he's like 15, 16, they're going to think you're his girlfriend.
Speaker 2My mom. That's going to be weird. One time we were walking and Maddox and I banter with each other like all day. We just have like a joking type of mother son relationship and so we were like walking in somewhere and he like shoved me and I was shoving him back and she was like y'all, look like y'all are on a date and I was like mom, what the fuck is wrong with you? It's weird. People always think that I'm his sister or his babysitter because I'm white and he's black.
Speaker 3Yeah, you have a baby face though you do Thanks.
Speaker 1Yeah, you have a baby face, though you do Thanks, you do have a baby face.
Speaker 2So when you're 44, like me, I'm going to get compliments from my kidney doctor.
Speaker 3When you're 35, like me.
Speaker 1You too will get the compliments yeah people don't? It's so crazy. Like our generation, like our 40s and 50s and 60 year old women, and you look at, like past generations, like when you're watching, like the golden girls, and I know people compare their ages to us. It is a huge difference. It's a huge difference.
Speaker 2It's the hair. Is it the hair? I feel like the hair has a lot to do with it, like in the way they dress, like 40 year old, if you look at. Like nineties television shows or even like early two thousands, like 90s television shows or even like early 2000s the the 40 year olds dressed like, how like 60 year olds dress today, and they had that big ass hair and the fluffed up bangs and stuff and that ages you that hairstyle ages you yeah, it's a huge difference.
Speaker 1Botox I'm sure I remember when I was like how you present yourself and and I feel like we just um are very conscious of like exercise. I don't remember women back then.
Speaker 4I mean, I'm sure there were some.
Speaker 1Jazzercise yeah, but like we're really like into exercising and walking.
Speaker 2People are more aware of like what they're putting in their bodies as far as like food goes and all of that stuff, but I feel like it's a huge difference Less people smoking cigarettes. Yes, that could be it too. They're not but.
Speaker 3I feel like it's a huge difference.
Speaker 2Less people smoking cigarettes. Yes, yeah, that could be it too.
Speaker 1They're not as trendy. Now it's the vapes. Well, yeah, but it doesn't like pucker up your mouth and give you all the wrinkles, does it?
Speaker 2I don't know I could never vape.
Speaker 3And the tanning, and the tanning.
Speaker 1And the tanning People are doing SPF.
Speaker 3That's right shiny.
Speaker 1Because all my girlfriends Back in the 80s and 90s.
Speaker 3All my girlfriends that used to sunbathe, all my girlfriends that did.
Speaker 1With that baby oil.
Speaker 3And I would hide under a tree Because, remember, I said that I wasn't allowed to Be dark. Yes, because being tan and being dark was not seen as pretty Exactly. And now they're having you know things popped out of them or you know, punched, punched, you know that, punch, biopsy and cut out of them. It's awful.
Speaker 1Really, because they were sunbathed.
Speaker 3I've always wanted to be dark because I grew up in florida. It's common I'm black, that's how I feel, whoa yes, five percent, don't forget. No, I've always I've.
Speaker 2I think that and and even um with like black women they they're. I remember when I was in like middle school and high school the dark skin girl, like the light skin girls, were the pretty girls and for me, if I see like a really dark black, it is the most beautiful complexion to me. There's just something about it that is like majestic.
Speaker 4I don't know how to explain it. Like royal yes. Like a royal yes.
Speaker 2Like a princess or something.
Speaker 3Well, I love that about you because you didn't she mesh? Really well, she was the only person who was white when we all hung out at the pool. Yes, and didn't she mesh? So beautifully.
Speaker 1Yes, like better than I did. She did, I knew she would Like. So a few weeks ago we went to our neighborhood pool and there was how many girls there was like eight, no, I counted, I think nine I, and there was how many girls there was, like eight, no, I counted I think nine I think.
Speaker 1And so we were all women of color and, except for brie brie over here, five percent, but it was five percent black. But it was funny because for some reason we got on the topic of like oh, only white people do that, like one of those conversations do you remember what it was?
Speaker 3something, someone said something about that and I think everyone kind of turned over to make sure to breathe, like so sorry, and she immediately, and I'm like this girl does not care.
Speaker 1What is it?
Speaker 3that you did, because I've never done this. Is it 23 me or 23 and me? And that's what you said, and that's yeah what did you?
Speaker 2what did you say exactly? There's no telling on it. I was like well, I'm actually black'm actually black.
Speaker 1That's what she said. I'm like yeah, so don't worry about me. And they all started cracking up. I'm like, for sure, she's like for real.
Speaker 3I did 23 and me I identify as white and everyone just cracked up. They were like we like her.
Speaker 1We like her, she's cool.
Speaker 2Oh, I don't see color. Everybody sees color.
Speaker 4You know like, of course you know.
Speaker 2I know that you're Indian, I know that you're Hispanic. We know that I'm like everybody sees color, yeah, but I, I, for some reason, I've always like one. Well, like in middle school and high school, I always was jealous of the black girls. I wanted to be black, so bad.
Speaker 1Well, you tan really nicely. I do, you don't get bright and mixed babies.
Speaker 2I've always been a fan. I love my little white baby, but I've always been a fan of mixed babies and stuff. I get envious of things like that and I think that's why I always say like I joke and say like I always wanted to be black. I feel like there's more cultures in other races. Yeah.
Speaker 1Like there's more like traditions, Traditions, Cultures.
Speaker 2Hispanics have their traditions, like their beautiful music and the dancing and the food and stuff like that.
Speaker 1We are pretty amazing. Thank you, and the same with black people too, and white people, we just we just hear what we do. But the fact that you're but the fact that you're intrigued, the fact that you're you put it like that, it makes me feel sorry.
Speaker 3No, I, I think it's beautiful that you find it intriguing and interesting and you want to be a part of it.
Speaker 4I and you want to be a part of it. I think that's wonderful. Well there's, I know a lot of non.
Speaker 3Let's say, I know a lot of white people who could care less.
Speaker 1That's what I was going to say. Like their groups are the KKK and they feel rarely happy being in that quote unquote traditional world. I mean I know that's a little extreme, but um or or, if you grow up in, like in a country town, like they're very like hunting.
Speaker 2That's what we do we fucking hunt? And go fishing Like I don't want that.
Speaker 1I think because you're 5% black. I think that's why you're conflicted and, like you know, I look in the mirror and I'm dark skinned.
Speaker 2You're trapped in a white girl's body, and so here we are Like I, I, I I've always had like this longing to be included in something like anything. I've always wanted to be included, so like even with like old friends that used to work at the office and her husband. They would like shoot guns and hunt and fish and listen to country music, go down the river and I'm like what the fuck am I doing here? This is not my lifestyle okay, but you but you hung in there for a little bit.
Speaker 1You tested it out.
Speaker 2It was fun it was fun, but there was nothing beautiful about it yeah you know what I mean. Like there's something so beautiful, like mushka's family, for example. They all get together and there's a meal that she cooks every time. And listen to hispanic music and everybody knows the words and they dance and stuff like that, and the same with black people, and that's beautiful to me. There is nothing beautiful about killing a deer.
Speaker 3Well, I appreciate it because I grew up feeling the opposite. I felt so different, felt so out of place, and I remember feeling like no one would even as a young person I felt like no one was, would even look my way because they could not get past my skin color.
Speaker 2Even the other day, when you had what is it called A Bindi.
Speaker 3What is it? A Bindi B-I-N-D-I? The red dot on the forehead.
Speaker 2The Bindi. I was like fascinated by it and I think that's such a cool thing. There's so much, there's like you do things and there's a purpose behind them and it's consistent, and I think that's beautiful.
Speaker 3Thank you for saying that. So I. So it took me years to appreciate who I was, being brown, thinking it's beautiful, and I think I really only embraced it after I became a mother, because I wanted my children to not feel the way I felt as a kid. I was in a protected space. I went to an all Indian church, all my friends, we all went to, we all hung out during the week. So it's, you know, I didn't have play dates, but it was controlled, the setting was controlled, who I hung out with where I went, so it was all indian friends. And then when we, we, we went from kindergarten to college together.
Speaker 1That's so great every time you which I think that's amazing it really cool.
Speaker 3And they were all in my wedding. I got lucky. I say lucky because had I not moved and had to go leave private school that all my Indian friends were at and have to go to public school like Taryn and Lauren and Stace, which they're predominantly the group is Jewish because I live in a Jewish community in South Florida I wouldn't have realized that other people would see me too and welcome me with open arms and be my friend. Maybe I still thought guys didn't find me attractive or no one really wanted to date me. I did think that, but in time I slowly, slowly realized OK, I'm not ugly, this is my color, is is beautiful too, and I really wanted to get my kids to feel that way. And on that, on that topic, I I feel as if the world is changing more now, where we feel more accepted. Oh yeah, but I think people, you know I'm like I'm a mystery. When people see me they don't know where I'm from and that's so cool.
Speaker 1I think it's really cool because I feel like I'll get a genuine approach then Because I feel like I'll get a genuine approach then I think it's crazy, because when I see you, I see an Indian woman and for some reason it baffles me that people would see you any different than what you are. And then it kind of to me shows where these people probably didn't travel a lot Because I see you as Indian and they think you're like mixed black and white and I'm like I don't really I, I, I I understand that perspective, but I don't, I don't see it either, me too, and I'm like well, dan, where are these people?
Speaker 3Well, last week somebody um an older white gentleman, somebody an older white gentleman. He wanted to get you know, know my name and introduce himself.
Speaker 4And he said ¿Cómo se llama?
Speaker 1You stopped that right this minute no.
Speaker 3And you're like, you're like indian. You're like wait, are you for real? What did you say? So I, I said I'm not of latin descent. I, um, I'm indian, my name is shiny. Nice to meet you, and that was it. But I say I have so many a rush of so many feelings because, like I said, I know I'm a mystery and people don't know. And I say this because you guys say that you see me as an Indian person, but I would say, most of the time, majority of the time, people have no idea and I don't mind at all. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3I kind of it's kind of cool.
Speaker 1It's like a mystery. Yeah, it is nice.
Speaker 4It is nice Mysterious Right yeah.
Speaker 3And and if anyone, if that person has something against this, like this group or that group, and has a stereotypical opinion on that person, I'll really get to see how that person really is, and so when this gentleman approached me that way, I didn't like it.
Speaker 1Really.
Speaker 3Because he's assuming Exactly and I don't mind. I think I grew up in South Florida. Latin food is my, my favorite, besides Indian food, and the culture is beautiful and my some of my closest friends are from the beautiful Latin countries, but I what I didn't like about it is assumptions. Like, don't make assumptions I. I want someone to just ask, ask, yeah, I think it's sad from a white person's perspective.
Speaker 2I think it's sad that it's become such a taboo thing. As a white woman, I get nervous to ask people like what is your race, what is your ethnicity? I don't mind.
Speaker 4What is?
Speaker 2your background, neither do I, but it's because of white people who have made, who have um made other races feel less than, or you know, white, the white people are always superior in the past, and so it became like this taboo thing, and so I feel like there are, there are um white people who made it that way that it was. It was a less than thing. So, therefore, if a white person comes up to somebody and says a less than thing, so therefore, if a white person comes up to somebody and says, well, where are you from?
Speaker 2It seems it's, it seems like it's um ill intention behind it Okay, this is, this is really great that you say it.
Speaker 3it it isn't it's tone and I know in my.
Speaker 2For me, I'm like I said, I'm always curious. I would love to know all about your culture. I know a lot about you know, I know your mom and things like that. And you know Mushka, whose whose whole family is Hispanic. And, um, I, I would love to know more. I, and I am genuinely curious about where someone's from.
Speaker 2If somebody's Hispanic, I don't know how to tell right off the bat where they're from, Um, and so I always am curious, especially because sometimes I can there, there, there's, there are ways that I'm able to relate, Like if somebody is Colombian, I can say, oh, you know, my, my son is Colombian, or Guatemalan. Or you know, my family friend is Puerto Rican, you know so, um, but I do feel nervous sometimes asking people.
Speaker 1I think, I think, I think it's like we know the approach, like the tone, like you said, shani.
Speaker 2How do you ask? Do you say what is your race? Do you say what is your ethnicity? Do you say what is your? How do you ask I?
Exploring Cultural Identities Through Language
Speaker 1prefer? What is your ethnicity? I feel like when people ask where are you from?
Speaker 2I've learned through the years, people say America yeah, they don't want to know that I'm like.
Speaker 1I live in Georgia, like they want to. That's their way of asking Ethnicity. I prefer just to be I like. I like honest and upfront people. Yeah, I don't like this whole you know sneak around the corner. I want to know just what's your ethnicity. I'm proud to be Puerto Rican and Dominican it's taboo, unfortunately. Rican and Dominican and I love to say I'm Puerto Rican and Dominican, like I have no problems, I want I. We are mysteries sometimes because we all come in different shapes and sizes. The only people that know that I am Hispanic if they've been around Hispanic people, and that's black men. The black men know a Puerto Rican when they see her. I go like random, like I remember I was like a few, like a year or two ago, at getting my old change down at a Jiffy Lube. He's like he looked at me. He's like you, puerto Rican, aren't you? I'm like I am. He's like yeah, I knew it.
Speaker 1So there's some people that just come out and I love it, because if you just come out and just say it, or if they're looking, it's like what, like, what do you make? Like, what are you mixed with? I've had that, I love that. I don't like. I don't like, where are you? Where's the way? Like just come at it and fucking ask me, yeah.
Speaker 2Stop beating around the bush. That's the kind of person you are, but not everybody's like that and I'm ignorant to it. Minorities are okay, like, like when you and mushka speak spanish.
Speaker 1I've heard both of you say that you guys speak differently?
Speaker 2we do, but to me, someone who doesn't speak spanish, I would never know that oh, yeah, I don't know that you have a puerto rican accent or she has a colombian accent. You know what I'm saying and and I remember one time I'll never forget it. This was probably, like I don't know, eight years ago maybe, and mushka was like. The way leonette talks is so beautiful, I'm like she's speaking the same language as you what do you mean it's very different.
Speaker 2And she's like there's just a way that Puerto Ricans talk like a slang. I think she used the word slang.
Speaker 1It is very slang.
Speaker 2Or maybe you used that word.
Speaker 1We're very straight. Somebody used the word slang.
Speaker 2She was like the way her Spanish is so beautiful.
Speaker 1I'm like she said that, because sometimes my Spanish is very also American.
Speaker 2So it's very nice from a authentic Colombian to say that I don't, I don't know the difference. So, therefore, like so, therefore, somebody who, who is Hispanic, and if you're talking to them in Spanish, they might have an idea that you're poor.
Speaker 1They do, they know.
Speaker 2But as a white woman that speaks. I had that last week. Half black half white woman Shit 5% black 5.
Speaker 3You get out of zero after a few more. I think it's funny because other Indian people don't know I'm Indian, how it happens all the time. I'm from very, very south. I don't know.
Speaker 1But isn't there different? Very south, I don't know, very deep south Maybe, because, but isn't there different?
Speaker 2I've heard you say things like there's different levels, almost like a hierarchy kind of.
Speaker 3Oh, I mean that's in every state, but there's different states in India and we're all different.
Speaker 1So they've never been to your state. But didn't you say They've never been to your state to see that I think now.
Speaker 3I'm from Kerala, k-e-r-a-l-a. It's more rural. They call it God's own country because it's very green, and a lot of other states have become. That's what.
Speaker 1Phillip says about Arkansas, but go ahead. He says it all the time that's God's country. I'm like okay, but go ahead.
Speaker 3So because there's other regions who've become a little bit more westernized or certain. So where I'm from, yes, it wasn't a popular tourist place, but it has become that way because the food is different, the culture is different, everything's different. But when I, if I were to ask an Indian person because I know that they're Indian, if I were to say where are you from? What I'm really asking is where in India, yeah. So usually they'll say India. So you don't think I'm Indian. And I will say, yes, I know what part of India. And then they will answer.
Speaker 1And then they will answer, and then I will say I'm from Kerala and they will be like, really Right as we were talking about Spanish and culture, the phone rings and Brianna Mushka, as she calls her, is her adopted grandmother. It's actually her oldest son's great-grandmother, and so she has a really, really amazing relationship with her. But as we're talking about Spanish and how she appreciates how I speak, she calls and so let's listen in on that conversation. Such a coincidence. We did not do that on purpose.
Speaker 4We're taking lunch with Abby here in the house. What kind of? Because I don't have a car. What's your cup? Oh, okay, I don't like that. We bake and everything.
Speaker 1Oh nice, we were just talking about you, mushka, we're recording for the podcast, and we were just talking about you. We were just talking about you, mushka, we're recording for the podcast, and we were just talking about you.
Speaker 2We were talking about how one time, because I was telling Leonette that I can't differentiate, like if somebody's Hispanic, I know that they're Hispanic but I can't tell where they're from. But if I see somebody Hispanic, I want to know why. Because if they say, oh, I'm from Colombia, I can say, oh, my grandmother's from Colombia. And then one time I remember you telling me that the way Leonette talked, you were like I love her Spanish, the way she talks, and I was like y'all are speaking the same fucking language. What do you mean? And you said it was different.
Speaker 1It is different, it's very different.
Speaker 2Because I only speak English for now.
Speaker 4Everybody. Other countries speak different yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, every country has their own way of.
Speaker 4Yes, you know, you are from Puerto Rico. You are from.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I think and I can't remember if it was you or Leonette, but somebody said that hers was more like slang, and I would never know that.
Speaker 1Well, we cut off a lot of our syllables, so give me a word that you would say differently than Mushka in Spanish.
Speaker 2Why are you putting me on the?
Speaker 1spot like that.
Speaker 4What's a word that?
Speaker 2Leonette says differently than you in Spanish.
Speaker 4I don't remember. No, come on.
Speaker 1I know Well some of like. Okay, so some of like. Vocabulary is different.
Speaker 2Yes, so would it be considered like in English. Would it be considered like a southern accent versus a?
Speaker 1Like, even as simple as like banana or like. So in Puerto Rico we say for beans we say arroz con habichuelas, but some people say frijoles.
Speaker 2Mishka says frijoles, so we say habichuela, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4We never call it frijoles, ever. Habichuela for me is green beans Si.
Speaker 2So, but, but, but okay. So if Leonette said that to you, would you know she was talking about like black people.
Speaker 4Yeah, we are living here for 52 years and we have a lot of Puerto Rican people, mexican people, yeah, peruvian people around, so I understand, yeah, good to know.
Speaker 1So we say a lot of things that are very different. As far as like simple stuff, like car, we say carro. So like for a bus, we say guagua.
Speaker 2What do you call a bus? Mishka Bus, Bus. So like for a bus we say guagua. What do you call a bus, Mishka Bus, bus, or bus.
Speaker 1Yeah, let me get on that bus. So like, for example, we say for a banana, we say guineo. When I said guineo to a Mexican person, they thought it. They call their bananas platanos. But I call platanos for me, platanos are the green, the plantains, the plantains that we fry, maduros. Or for me, platanos are the green, the plantains, the plantains that we fry yeah, yeah, but my noodles for us is when it becomes like sweet. Yes, yeah, that's when we call it my noodles, so it's very different.
Speaker 2I thought that my noodles were the flat, salty ones we call those tostones yes yes yes, I didn't know that. I didn't know my sauce, postones and salsilla.
Speaker 4Oh, okay.
Speaker 1So just something simple as that, but we still understand. And if I don't understand the word, then I just ask what you talking about, willis.
Speaker 2Well, thank you for that insight, Mushka.
Speaker 1Mushka, do you want to be on my podcast, because we just recorded you.
Speaker 2Just is that part okay?
Speaker 1It's only three minutes yeah.
Speaker 2You could be fucking famous.
Speaker 1What I need her to sign a waiver first. No, I'm kidding.
Speaker 4I love you Bree. I love you too, michelle. Love you too Bushka.
Speaker 1Gloria Goodbye, gloria, bye, bye. Love you baby.
Speaker 3That was your grandma.
Choosing Family Beyond Blood
Speaker 2It's a long story. That is her son's great-grandmother got it no yeah, my son's great-grandmother, so it's my baby daddy number one's grandma, yes, but she is also my grandma, yeah they're very, very close very close. We talk like five times a day and that's why she just called me three different times, because she saw me.
Speaker 1Because you didn't answer yes.
Speaker 2Yeah. She will, if I don't answer, she'll blow me up.
Speaker 1She will.
Speaker 2I'm surprised she's not standing outside like this.
Speaker 1Oh no. And if she doesn't answer, she'll call me. Yeah, and she'll't answer. It's because she's passed out drunk somewhere.
Speaker 2Well, not recently Sometimes.
Speaker 1No, not recently. Sometimes I'm just like taking a shower. No, no, no, I'm not talking about now, I'm talking about the past, like in the pits of my when.
Speaker 2I was in the trenches of my alcoholism.
Speaker 1It's without answering, and that's not me I always have my phone on me like, literally, it's tied to her hand. Yes, always so.
Speaker 2So if I don't answer, she'll call me back to back, or if I call her and she doesn't answer, and so I call somebody else and I'm like oh well, I'm already talking to somebody else, I'll call her later absolutely no, you won't, because she's gonna call you 15 more times yeah, yeah, she's, she's very concerned.
Speaker 1Yes, she really ad, which is. I don't know if we can get into the dynamics of all of this, probably not. It's a very big family. She has four kids her baby daddy's mother, which is her daughter. The reason we know brianna is because her, her baby daddy's mom, worked in our practice, so so the dynamics are like she doesn't like me, she doesn't like brie, she can't stand brie's guts. So it's interesting that her mother still interacts with us, which is special special.
Speaker 3Well, I mean sometimes the most random person, and you may not be close with them or you weren't. Well, the reason they were in your life was to bring someone. That's how I feel. Yeah, that's how I feel. Stephanie, the person that brought us together. Stephanie and people always ask because we've traveled together, we've done a lot of things together and she has a million friends and best friends. But we met through a mutual friend and they were neighbors in her previous home.
Speaker 3They were neighbors and her and I the other, the friend, her and I met through a mom's group and she introduced us because she said that we have a lot in common and we'd get along. And now we have been friends for years and we're not friends with the person who introduced us.
Speaker 2I mean, it's random, it's a weird dynamic and I'm a firm believer in like. You choose your own family, because I have my friends who I love. You know like friends, you know even close girlfriends who I love, but then I have other people who are truly my family, yes and like although Mushka is not my blood, she is truly my grandmother.
Speaker 2I feel the same way and it's like with Leonette and Dr Talley. I genuinely love her Like. I know this sounds bad and she hates to hear it, but it's. It's almost like equivalent to my own mom and or a sister.
Speaker 1I had her at 14, but it's a, it's a weird.
Speaker 2I genuinely love Dr Talley more than I love my biological dad I I.
Speaker 3I 100% understand and on the same level, I'm closer to to some people, to my friends, more than my own.
Speaker 2yeah, some of my family members yes, family wise, I have, like my true family. I have my mom and my two sisters. Okay, that's. That's all I have in regards to family you have your drug addicted father. I, but I don't have him.
Speaker 1You know what I mean, that's true.
Speaker 2I genuinely don't have him.
Speaker 1I got a whole ass family out there. But you know You're not close to them.
Speaker 2No Like the people that I communicate with. Well, my dad's, my dad's little sister and I actually are back in communication. My aunt, who I lived with a few times growing up communication, um, my aunt, who I lived with a few times growing up, but but really in my day-to-day life, like, I have my mom and my two sisters and that's it as far as family goes. But I have a dad, which is Dr Talley, and I have a sister, your beautiful older Puerto Rican Dominican sister.
Speaker 2But, and so it's, it's. Uh, I was thinking about it the other day, can you like looking back? So I found my mom has like an album of photos of like different people and she has an album of pictures of me, and one of the albums was from maddox's first birthday oh my gosh, and, and leonette and dr tally were both there and it was almost 12 years ago.
Speaker 1Yeah, she sent a picture. I was like, first of all, I've aged amazing. Because I am so much better looking now than I was then. I had that typical mom look Short bob. I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2But then I was just, I was an employee, phillip looked really cute though he does look young, yeah, but but it's so funny looking back at that picture. At that time I was just an employee to him and then they were close friends with my son's grandmother at the time, so I was just an employee to him. And then just like this yeah, you know, her son's baby mama.
Speaker 4You know what I mean, yeah.
Speaker 2So it's just so funny how the year, like looking back, I would have never pictured no Us being as close as C.
Speaker 3You are now. You know what I mean. Yeah, the fact is, and just like how you started off, the the, the set is, you don't know where you're going.
Speaker 1Yeah, exactly, it's true. You see, and that's what I mean. Maddox is going to be 12, so and just and just say it's even been I well, I met you guys before.
Speaker 2I was pregnant Exactly, but.
Speaker 1I feel like our closeness has come even I don't know maybe like nine, 10 years maybe, maybe even less than that.
Speaker 2I would say probably like eight or nine yeah.
Speaker 1So that's a good point, shiny Cause, you just don't know. You see how it is right now.
Speaker 3You can't see into the future and I want you to know that fear is a liar, yeah, and having anxious feelings and all that is so normal and I have struggled my whole adult life with it for really bad, and I finally have a grip and I think the grip is that I it's faith, yeah, not fear faith over fear and believing that everything is going to be okay.
Speaker 3Yeah, and having and, and, and, even my it's. It's not only me believing it. I know it will, because if it doesn't, I'll still be okay. Yeah, so I think that is my prayer for you.
Speaker 2Thank you.
Speaker 1I mean the way I look at things. When I'm feeling down, first of all, I have to like look around and see that I woke up, I'm walking, I have a home, I have food to eat, yeah, and I know it feels like a struggle sometimes for you, but you have to see where you've come from, like you literally have to sit down and see. Even I even go back to like, wow, I was this little girl born in Puerto Rico, two teenage parents that had no business having a baby. You know, they were forced to get married because my grandma's Catholic and she's like well, you guys have to get married because we can have a baby on the way. I could have stayed in Puerto Rico. I could have lived that lifestyle, because where we're from, it's not the touristy parts that people see um to where I am now.
Speaker 1Never when I had Caitlin at 21, never did I envision my life the way it is now. Did I want it to be this way? Of course I did, but did I think it was realistic at that time? No, I did not, if I was being honest with myself. And so I always when I'm feeling down, because even with all the things that you see around here. You know I still get down on myself and feel like I need to be somewhere else, and I know your situation is way different, but I've been there where you just feel like you're in a hole, that it's dark, you're alone, you have this child. You have to be connected to the baby daddy for forever. You have to be connected to the baby daddy for forever. And so I remember that and feeling like this is it? This freaking sucks and this is it. And I would just sit and cry and cry and cry. I cried for like two years. It seemed like Now how old I married Phillip when she was four.
Speaker 1So like for three years I just cried and I'm like this is a shitty life. What did I do?
Speaker 2Because really it was our decisions that brought us to where we are and that's where a lot of the frustration comes from like why that's the hardest I knew this part to grasp, yeah because even like in my situation now, maddox, when I had my oldest, I was able to give myself a little bit more grace because I was literally a child, you know. So so I'm like. But but now I'm having a harder time forgiving myself for choices that I made, because you know, I'm 30 and I I I didn't play the tape all the way through. I guess I wanted of that family dynamic so bad and so.
Speaker 2I'm so angry with myself, but in the same, in the same breath, like I'm, I'm thankful, because I can't imagine my life without my son and I love him so much.
Breaking Free From Negative Energy
Speaker 1But but I'm like I, I love him so much that it still hurts, because I don't want him to grow up the way that, but you don't know if that's gonna happen, like you don't really know what's going to, what's going to transpire. What you need to start doing is I know you're crying it out when you're by yourself and and and that's you should. I mean this is a shitty situation, but you need to start like making decisions today as to what the future looks like and you do have control over that. And, like Shiny said, you have to let that fear go you really do and stop looking back and shoulda, coulda, wouldas, because we can't change it. That is such a tormenting like I did it for years Like you're just like shoulda, coulda, woulda, and it's just you're. You're just in this constant cycle. As soon as I drop that.
Speaker 1And I think when I started talking on this podcast is when I truly started thinking, okay, stop harping on the fucking past. Like, get over it. You can't change it. So what? Like look at my life now. What can I do to like stop harping on the past? We can't't change it. And once I started understanding that I can't change it, I look at it to learn the lessons. What do I want to move forward with? What don't I want to move forward with? That's what we need to think about. With the past, I'm so much more at peace. I don't cry as much because I would cry all the time. And Phillip's like what the hell is wrong with you. Even my mom's like your life is so beautiful. I'm like I know, but on the inside I just feel so empty and so like lost. It's because I'm ruminating on shit that I can't change.
Speaker 3And give yourself credit. Yeah, you are way ahead of the game because you are self-aware. Exactly Only 15%, I think. After the fact I'm self-aware after the fact?
Speaker 1No, but you're self-aware about your Involvement, exactly your responsibility.
Speaker 3Yes, the fact that you feel bad. There are people walking around today that think they're self-aware and that think everything is everybody else's fault and problem. Yeah, you've got this yes we're gonna.
Speaker 1We're gonna be talking about this five years from now, 10 years from now, and you're gonna look back and we're just gonna laugh about how far you've come. Can't wait. We're gonna be somewhere drinking our non-alcoholic martinis. Cbd and just enjoying life, like I really see it for you and I keep saying that and I am going to keep saying it because I believe it for you. I hope so, and if you make another stupid-ass decision, I'll punch you in the face. I know, okay, I won't punch you because your face is too pretty.
Speaker 2I'll be really angry, I'll be very upset with you. Yeah, I think I've learned my lesson.
Speaker 1I think how we should end is on that video that you sent me, shiny, which I think pertains to where we are in our lives. We're growing, the three of us. We are wanting to surround ourselves with amazing people. People lift us up, not people that bring us down. And shiny sent me a video um, she sends me so many awesome videos. I'm just like, yes, I'm gonna conquer the world but um this one's about negative people.
Speaker 3So so what I gathered from it because it's been a minute since I've probably sent you 100 other things after that but it was this study. They call it the bad apple effect and they put a person in groups of five and they put a person in the groups, a few of the groups, and that person is the bad apple, meaning that person exudes negative energy. They drain you all the things that we're going to say real quick.
Speaker 1And then and everyone else is positive, right.
Speaker 3And then there's the other groups, and everybody's positive, and the amount of growth that came from the groups that cheered each other on, were there for each other, validated each other, lifted each other up, thrived immensely. And the groups that are five people that means four other people are still survivors, thrivers, ready to endure anything but that one bad seed, who is the negative, nelly, who is the Debbie Downer. All of that brought them down.
Speaker 1The whole group one person that one negative person brings those four other people down. Group one person that one negative person brings those four other people down. So that just shows how, how controlling a negative energy can be. I'm done with that.
Speaker 3And thoughts and thoughts like negative thoughts and because I'm I am perpetuate about every and I realize I can't stop it. It's something that I'll have to continue retraining myself is I'm innately so harsh to myself and I know you see, you're here and see little bits of it that I will let out and I am really even trying to intentional not to but the amount that you don't hear. It's bad and it's become my self-talk for many, many reasons, and I'll get into that in length some other time but it it's so hard to tell myself I can do it and I caught myself. I was heading to yoga this weekend. I think I don't remember what day it was this weekend, I think it was Sunday. I was heading to yoga and I had a really, really busy weekend and one of my questions for you guys was how was your weekend? But it was really because I wanted to talk about mine. But I love it.
Speaker 2I love it, the honesty I love it.
Speaker 1I know she's like. I just really want to tell you about mine.
Speaker 2That's typically the intention a lot of times.
Speaker 4Yeah, but people ask they're like yeah.
Speaker 1Well, I ask because I want to know about your weekend.
Speaker 3So on Sunday heading to yoga, I out loud in my car I was saying Shani, you are good, you got this. Like you, you're nice. I had, I said this, these corny statements that like look at my water bottle yeah, that I have.
Speaker 1She has stickers on her water bottle. You are gentle, you are peaceful.
Speaker 3You are loved Because my personal narrative if I started telling you it, would be a downer. It's horrible what I do to myself and this is not self-inflicted, unfortunately. I have given off some type of vibe that people should tell me exactly what they're thinking about me, or how I should be leading my life, or what I'm doing wrong, or and and be very raw and and mean I. I have somehow given off a vibe that you can tell me all these things.
Speaker 4And you'll take it.
Speaker 3And the truth is it's because I can still persistently, intentionally and mindfully still stay positive, not only about other people and their lives, but but about mine, and that I'll be okay Because I have. I mean, I used to throw myself a monthly pity party. I mean it was usually a party of one but, anybody could be invited, anybody could come, and I no longer do that anymore because it was so bad for me.
Speaker 2Well, if you get bored and you want to attend mine? Mine are once a day.
Speaker 1Not once a day, Damn she's like. I'll see you once a month to once a day.
Speaker 3Girl, you know if I could tell you what I see in you, I know I mean I could go on.
Speaker 2I know we see the same thing, but go ahead.
Speaker 3So what I was saying is that I had so much gratitude and I hope I have time to share this, but I have so much gratitude for my culture and my upbringing this weekend and I needed that, because what brought that on, would you say? So I have. I've been very conflicted because I am, I'm Indian, I'm South Indian, so I'm you know, I'm darker, I've got curly hair, I've got a big butt and a smile. I don't know the characteristics. That sounds phenomenal. I know I'm darker, I've got curly hair, I've got a big butt and a smile.
Speaker 4I don't know the characteristics, that sounds phenomenal.
Speaker 2I know I'm like wait isn't that in a rap song somewhere? Dark skin, curly hair, big butt and a good smile Shit, Sign me up.
Speaker 3But I was never proud of it. I think there were moments because I studied our classical dance and music and I was very involved, but I think because it was forced and it wasn't by choice and you know the friends I grew up with and in 2020, when I realized not everyone is that nice to me and some of them, unfortunately, are some of what were some of my Indian friends and I had to like let them go. I kind of had this fear a little bit.
Speaker 2Were they? I'm sorry, were the Indian friends that weren't nice to you? Were they also South Indian or were they from a different part of India?
Speaker 3They were actually South Indian as well, and I it was, and you guys were very close.
Speaker 1Yes, because when I met you, I met them and it was like a tight group.
Speaker 3Yes, and I actually introduced all of them to each other, oh damn. And so now they're a group and I'm a party of one.
Speaker 2Three I know I was going to say well, what are we? What are we?
Speaker 3No, I meant of the, of the, of the Indy and I, because so this weekend I had an event to go to that my friend had been planning for months and months and months. She's Indian and we and I have actually like two Indian friends from Gavin and Dylan's choir and we've become friendly over over time and I really like them, and so she was throwing this big event and I remember telling one of my friends who knows Indian people and I said I'm going to this big event. I wish you could come with me. It's like black tie, it's all dressy, you get to wear the clothes and I know you would love it to be my friend to come with me. And she's like is this like one of those Indian events where they're just really like showing off how amazing their kids are? I said you know we do like to do that, but I don't think that that's what this is.
Speaker 1Wait you guys have those kinds of parties where you show off your children.
Speaker 3So I grew up where, when anyone came to my house, the living room turns into a show. I'm dancing, I'm literally, I have videos of this I'm like. I'm performing for them, I'm playing the piano, I'm yeah, oh, you're the entertainment. Yeah, the free entertainment. Okay, yeah, that's how I grew up. So anyways, I said I don't know yet, I'm not exactly sure what the program is, but my friend, she invited 600 people. But you know Indian events, we do it big 600 people, you guys know a lot of people.
Speaker 2I couldn't even invite six people. I know I'm like I don't even know if I know 600 people?
Speaker 1Yes, you do do. I know a lot of people, but 600, so it's a little steep. Okay, so you know my wedding was 540.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's insane 540.
Speaker 3We invited, I think, like 850 that's very normal so she had a lot of people she was inviting. So, anyways, and I dressed everybody up. I actually dressed three of my friends up and it was really fun. So my point was, when I got, we got there, it was a three hour event. They get, you know, we always, always have food at our events.
Speaker 3That's, I would say, a pretty national Indian thing too. And, and her, her kids, are super talented. So her son sang, sang and performed and her, her daughter played the guitar. So they performed a lot. But what, what? What it really was is they honored all of the teachers over the years that put music into their kids. Oh, that's cool. And they they call, you know called them up and gave them like a gift, and flowers and, like a Indian, like put it on a shawl over their shoulders, and then they even honored all the musicians that were up on stage that played for them. And so my friends, of course, are just in awe. And I said this is one of those things that I am so happy that people who aren't Indian get to see, because this program really, yes, it, you see their kids performing the whole time and, yes, they're amazingly talented and great.
Speaker 3But really what it was about was honoring all the amazing teachers who give their time, effort, energy and love and passion and make our kids what they are. And that made me proud, because in growing up, my mom told me she was a nurse, but she told me she wanted to be a teacher and I, of course, my whole life. I asked like why? Why? But in where, where we're from in India, when you are a teacher, you are called teacher your whole life, even after you're done, just like here in America how they call someone a doctor, even if they're not retired, and there's that amount of respect.
Speaker 3And I feel like that was the one part of peace that I don't see here, unfortunately, is like that high, utmost respect for our teachers. Our teachers are treated like shit. And I felt like like so many feelings because I was so proud for people to see because, unfortunately, teachers, yes, are underappreciated, undervalued, underpaid, up to you know, out to slaughter, like all these things, and they are so amazing. They give everything. So I just wanted to share, I really wanted to share that because I just I had so much gratitude for that cultural tribute that they did. I segued the conversation so I could talk about my weekend, but I really, really wanted to share it with you guys. I think it's beautiful yeah.
Speaker 1And we will leave you with this quote.
Speaker 3The degree to which a person can grow is direction directionally proportional to the amount of truth he can accept about himself without running away.
Speaker 1Love it. Love it Until next time. Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram, at Virago247, and on Facebook, at Virago247, and just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you.
