.jpg)
Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast for women who are done shrinking.
I’m your host, Lyanette Talley—mother, wife, truth-teller, and warrior in progress.
Here is where we unlearn silence, honor our roots, and reclaim our voices.
We talk real life—identity, marriage, motherhood, leadership, and healing—with boldness and truth.
If you’ve ever been told you’re too loud, too much, or too ambitious...
You’re exactly where you need to be.
This is everyday growth. Everyday healing. For everyday warriors.
We’re not shrinking. We’re taking up space.
Virago 24/7
The Divorced and Dating Diaries
After a summer break, the Virago 24/7 women reunite for a raw, unfiltered conversation about personal transformation. This episode strips away our usual format to make space for honest sharing about the journeys we've been on these past few months.
Briana bravely opens up about her mental health struggles, revealing how she's navigating OCD in ways many don't understand. Beyond the stereotypical cleaning compulsions, she shares the terrifying intrusive thoughts that led her to seek professional help. "If I don't stop the microwave at two seconds, my kids are going to die," she explains, giving listeners a window into the anxiety that drove her to finally try medication. Her powerful realization that "getting sober gave me a sound mind to face all my problems" rather than eliminating them offers wisdom for anyone on a healing journey.
Meanwhile, Shiney reveals her completed divorce and the cultural stigma she's fighting while rediscovering joy. Her words "I'm the happiest I've been in a really long time" challenge conventional wisdom about staying in unhappy marriages. The conversation explores how children truly thrive when they see their parents living authentically happy lives, not when parents remain in tension-filled homes "for the kids."
As the discussion turns to dating after divorce, we share hilarious and horrifying stories about dating apps, mysterious workplace crushes, and the vulnerability of opening your heart after heartbreak. Our consensus? Self-growth comes first, and what's meant to be will find you when you're ready.
This back-to-school special reminds us that growth isn't just for students – it's for everyday warriors committed to evolving rather than merely existing in patterns. Are you in the same place you were a year ago? If so, perhaps it's time for change. Subscribe now to join our community of women supporting each other through life's messy, beautiful transformations.
Go to my website virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
You can email me at virago247podcast@gmail.com
Instagram: virago24_7
Facebook: Virago 24/7
Thanks for listening and don't forget to share, share, share!
Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with Everyday Warriors. Hello everyone, hi, hey, how you guys doing? Doing great, how are you? You know, just living the dream.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you are.
Speaker 1:Hi Brianna, hi Hi Shiny. Hello, we're back. We're back. It's been a long summer. It has been so, listen, I know we normally have like our little, we try to have like some kind of format, but today we're going to throw the format out the window, free ball, and we just want to just catch up on what's been going on this summer. I did a show two weeks ago talking about myself, so you know I'm going to let you two talk because you guys have had some big stuff going on we have, haven't we?
Speaker 3:yeah, this is the back to school special.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is, I like it, back to school special. Do you remember those? That's good, shiny, all right. So who wants to start what's been going on with everybody? Happy summer, back to school special.
Speaker 2:Yep, kids are back in school. Well, kid is back in school. Getting back on a routine there, working, trying to balance school schedule and work and both kids is fun and, yeah, navigating life. I went back to a psychiatrist. That's been like the biggest change. Got put on some medication for my crazy mind and yeah, okay, let's talk about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I was.
Speaker 2:We all know I have a lot of anxiety and depression issues and I have taken anxiety medication in the past and I've taken depression medication in the past. But I met with a psychiatrist because the best way to describe it is I felt like I was. I wanted to crawl out of my skin and the there's. So there are so many things that go into OCD control intrusive thoughts, not even just like the cleanliness of things, but it was. It was producing a lot of anxiety, like crippling anxiety. So I met with a psychiatrist and told her that my anxiety was really bad and my depression was creeping in, and she said that the root of my anxiety is coming from my obsessive compulsive disorder. And so she recommended because I've never been medicated for OCD, she recommended that that we take that approach. So I started that about going on four weeks now.
Speaker 1:Are you OK sharing? Like, what does that look like? Because when we, like you said, when we think OCD, we think someone who washes their hands all the time and has to, you know, do certain things in certain numbers. So, what does that look like for you?
Speaker 2:So that, honestly so I feel like that's where my OCD started was like the cleanliness of things. So like my apartment, I live in a small it's like 900 square foot apartment, two bedrooms with my two kids and I feel like that's kind of where it started. Once I got sober, because I've always been kind of a clean person, but when I was drinking I was too drunk to give a shit about anything. My car was a mess, my apartment was a mess and even whenever I was sober it would drive me crazy, but then I would just drink instead of doing anything about it. And then whenever I truly got sober from alcohol, it was like I'm talking, if there is a speck of dust, I won't sleep, it will send me into a full panic. So that's where it started and I've just been. I get on these like crazy cleaning binges or whatever.
Speaker 2:But what really really really took over was the intrusive thoughts. So like I have a weird thing with numbers. If I'm cooking something in the microwave, for example, if it doesn't, if I don't stop it, if I'm not in the kitchen watching the microwave and stopping it at two seconds, then my kids are going to die, and I know that that sounds fucking insane but that is the truth. Like if I don't do certain things a certain number of times, if I don't make sure my door is locked four times before I fall asleep, somebody's going to break in and murder us all, like those sorts of things. And when you think of OCD, that's not the first thing that pops into your mind. So I wasn't fully educated or aware of what was happening into your mind. So I wasn't fully educated or aware of what was happening. But the intrusive thoughts are a big thing. But also the control. So like all of that, the cleaning, the doing things a certain amount of times that all comes back to control. And I'm just realizing that I am a huge control freak and I have a lot of issues control or if people aren't doing certain things my way. So it was like debilitating. It was taking over my life, my mind, my thoughts.
Speaker 2:So she recommended that I be put on a medication it starts with a, B I think it's called like Buspar or something like that for the OCD. She said that it would take one to two weeks for me to start feeling effects and it would take two to four weeks for it to truly kick in, for me to feel the full effects. So, yeah, how long has it been? We're coming up on four weeks. Okay, how do you feel? I feel a little bit better. So she wanted me to do it, do the first round, and then I'm on five milligrams and then she was going to boost me up to 10 milligrams. I definitely think I could benefit from five more milligrams, but I do feel a little bit of a difference. I'm I'm able to be a little bit more calm and when something happens, I don't think that it's because I'm meant to die that day. Life just happens. So I feel like it's helped me manage, manage it a little bit better and and let go of control a little bit.
Speaker 3:I'm so proud of you, brie, thanks, I think that's great. I think it takes so much courage for us to first recognize that we need help and then to go and get the help and actually listen to what our you know, our doctors say that can help us.
Speaker 3:So I'm really, I'm proud of you. I think that's, that's great and I think so many people need help, because I think it's for me. I feel like it's like five points of help. It's not just medication, it's, you know, like lifestyle, you know our attitude, you know exercise all of our food, everything and you're you know it's you're one step closer to doing it. You know doing it all and making your life better.
Speaker 2:I got to get the other points down. I don't know. I feel like I put a lot of restrictions on myself, like I want to do this but I can't do this because of this and and um. I just want a better quality of life. Really, my quality of life right now is not good. I struggle financially, I struggle mentally, I struggle physically, um. So I just want a better quality of life. So hopefully this will help ease my mind enough to where I'm able to take steps towards the other things too take steps towards the other things too.
Speaker 3:That's awesome. I remember, um Leonette, we went to that women's uh event I think it was last year and one of the things that stayed with me is she said if you're in the same exact place, you were a year ago, that's a problem. And so many people don't realize that we're just like not even living life. We are just in a pattern. We're in a pattern and we think it's okay, and we get up every single day and people will do the same things. You know pretty pretty regularly, the same events, the same activities, see the same people and not even think like don't I need change? Can I improve? Can my life be better? So you're already saying it, you know and claiming it. So I think that that's. That's great, because that's what we all want. And we're starting a new school year yes, we are. So we want to encourage all our listeners to want the same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, this is what we're all about here is growth. That's one thing that I used to get very I don't know if insecure is the wrong word, but always wanting more or needing more, and not necessarily like material stuff. It's just like I always feel like there's something inside of me that, okay, let's evolve with this, or like let's change this, or like let's set a goal for this. And it used to be like man, aren't you just kind of just why can't you just be content? So it doesn't mean that you're not content, you just know. You get to a point where you realize, as humans, we should always be evolving, always, and so I had to switch that mindset of this is part of being human. The people that stay stagnant we got to feel a little bit bad for them just because they appear to be quote-unquote content. Like I think people get that that confused. Like you can be content with your life but still always want to improve on your, on your growth and um.
Speaker 2:So anyways, you can be grateful for what you have and everything, while wanting more.
Speaker 1:And it's okay to walk and it's not necessarily more, because I think when people think more, it's like materials, like bigger this and bigger that. It's not that. It's just more for yourself and more for your life and and it's really your purpose. Like your, what is my purpose and how can I be better with whatever gift that God has given me? So I'm proud of you. I know that, you know we've talked about that a lot with you and your OCD, and the fact that you're actually doing something is awesome.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you, I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, just just trying to make sure that I'm. I think that whenever I was trying to get sober, I'm like when I get sober, all of my problems will be solved, life will be so much better because I'm sober. And then I got sober and all this shit hit me in the face and I'm like wait a second, I can't, I can't take it away. I can't drink the feelings away, I can't be. I can't take it away. I can't drink the feelings away. I can't be numb like I used to be. So it was almost like a um, a hard reality check. Getting sober like getting sober didn't solve all of my problems. Getting sober gave me a sound mind to face all of my problems and try and tackle all of my problems. So trying to navigate that has been challenging and that's what I'm doing right now.
Speaker 3:It's inspiring. Thank you, yeah, I love it. May I share? Yes, Okay, so I feel like we've been skirting, or I've been skirting around on living in my truth outside of my friend groups. I have talked about that. I have, you know, my family is my friends and and and my in my kids, and those are the people that know everything that's going on and have been there for me to support me. But I've gone through a metamorphosis.
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that.
Speaker 3:And I know, I know you, you've seen it, leonette, over the years. So it's been slow but sure, and I'm I'm happy too about that. I've been slowly moving forward and I met with a friend recently that we were catching up and she said I can't believe it. You said you're going to do this and this and you're doing it, and it made me feel better, because we always think that we could be doing more. I feel all of us are the kind of people who want more, and even today I want more money, I want more, more time, more energy, I want better health. I want all these things and I know that what I'm doing, or what I have been doing, is getting me, is pushing me in the right direction.
Speaker 3:So I haven't told you know, I haven't made a social media announcement not that I ever would and I haven't told you know my family, my extended family, but I want to. I just it's fear's fear of their acceptance and truly just fear of what people will say and I'm trying not to care about that that I am officially divorced. It's a pretty big deal to me and in my culture and to our family. It's been a long time and I was unhappy and I took it upon myself to make that change, and nobody else could but me, and I'm so thankful for my friends that are my family, that have been by my side the whole time, being so supportive and loving and encouraging that I'll be okay, because I am.
Speaker 3:I had all these fears that I wouldn't be and I can honestly say that I'm the happiest I've been in a really long time, and I don't wanna say that, I don't wanna blame him in any ways, because that doesn't bring me any joy and there's no reason. It takes. It takes two and, honestly, marriage is really, really hard and I think that most of us don't recognize what a huge choice life choice that is on the partners we pick and how we live our day-to-day life in our marriages and our relationships. So I think I've learned so much and all the fears that I thought I'd be judged and or criticized or talked about, it actually really doesn't matter. What is that saying? Other people's opinion, it's none of your business.
Speaker 1:So quick question, because you know people listening is like what's the big deal? Because divorce, you know, it's not like the 1940s, 50s, 50s, 60s where it was like this taboo thing of getting divorced. Um, nowadays it's just like people get married two, three, five times. You know what is it about your culture that makes this so shameful and to the point that you wouldn't even want to tell your extended family? Uh, it.
Speaker 3:Image is a big deal. You know, we and and honestly, because of the range marriages, and they're based on socioeconomic status, you know, similar religion, background, everything they they do have a high success rate. They, they genuinely do but for for, you know, but not for everybody, and I think so many of us, not even in my culture, but so many of us, um, just put up with being content or or even put up with you know what. I don't have to be happy, or I'm living my life for my children, but I, I I'm determined to want to be authentically happy from the inside out and I thought to myself you get one life and what you do with it matters.
Speaker 3:So I, in the last, I guess, five years and it may have even started before that, but really I've been intentional the last five years I have been really thinking about what I do with my time, matters, who I spend my time with matters, who I spend my time with matters, how I take, how I treat myself matters. All of those things I wasn't putting at the forefront, the things that I say to myself. Just this water bottle Like. If you look at my water bottle, I have stickers all over it. I mean you can read it.
Speaker 1:It says you are gentle, you are peaceful, you are loved, you are good. Oh, those are cute. You are. What does that say? You are kind?
Speaker 3:Oh, words of affirmation. Well, because the truth is a secret people don't know is the way I talk to myself inside all day. Every day is really unkind, and it's it's things that have been said to me, it's things that have happened and it's the conclusions that I've drawn from it. It's the assumptions I've made, it's things that I think I was not worthy of so doing. All of that just keeps me down and so many people don't know, and I've said this before I feel that I get and everyone judges, but I feel I get pre pre judgments and judged more than most, because I, the energy that I put forth and the smile and the the way I am, makes people think that I have it good or things are easy or that everything goes my way, and that could not be further from the truth, because it's truly for me. I feel that I see the joy in everything because I truly know suffering. I see the joy in everything because I truly know suffering and I really believe that, really, those who are the most joyous are because they know true suffering, who are genuinely, purely happy, because they know what it's like to be down on the ground and feel so low that you don't want to be there anymore. So I think that that's like a big, a big assumption that's made about me and I I have to like let that go because it doesn't really matter, because the people who really know me know me and know that I'm doing the best I can.
Speaker 3:So I guess, for for me, leaving my marriage was so hard that it took so many years to do it. It was like it was like this preparation and I don't, you know, my, my former spouse, I, you know, wasn't preparing like I was. You know, I think that everyone has levels of of of being content and what, what we will put up with, or what we think how we should be, how we should be, and that both of us were Indian, or both of us have two great kids, and, uh, what will our families think? All these things that that I guess he may not have thought of, but I think, truly. I think he's happier too, and I can't speak for him, but this is just what I think, and if he's not, I know he will be.
Speaker 2:Then it's not your responsibility whether or not he is.
Speaker 3:Yes, you're right. Yes, you're right, and I think this huge decision was not taken lightly, was, uh, was not taken lightly, and my kids, I think, are. I think they're okay because they see me Okay, and I think that is a big message I would like to send to anyone that's going through these kinds of thoughts, like I am is that our kids, we always say, are're happy when our kids are happy. It's the actual opposite. They are happy when they see us, so happy when we are thriving and we are our best. They are their best. They bounce off of us. It's not the other way around. Dr Shefali says it's not called childing, it's called parenting. And every time I make a mistake which I do because parents aren't perfect I tell my kids I'm parenting for the first time too. Or I make mistakes too, or I don't always have the right or correct response or reaction. So please bear with me too. So I just feel like this whole thing has been such a learning process for me and I know you see my growth.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, it's been. Yeah, you said the past five years. So the past five years, I remember when you decided and you you know we're only talking to a few people and just the agony, because I'm sure that's not an easy. It doesn't matter what culture you're from or background, but in your situation it was a big deal to leave this marriage because they are going to talk shit about you, and you know that it's a fact, not it's. Are they what it like? No, it is going to happen. How will I handle that?
Speaker 1:And the preparation that you did, a lot of it was emotional preparation to right, getting yourself strong so that when you did decide to to pull the plug, as we like to say that you, that these comments are, even if they're not directed at you, you know it's being those, these conversations are being had, and that's one thing that I, all of us, as humans, need to learn is that it does. I don't give a shit what people are saying, Like the fact that I'm on your mind, bravo to you. That means I'm doing some shit over here to make you want to talk over there, cause, like, why would I be on your, on your mind? And so once I started changing that mind. Show for myself. It's empowering, like the fact that you, like I'm on your radar. Hey, that speaks. That speaks volumes about me, that's all I'm saying, that you, so I. I've watched your evolution of shiny that's what I like to call it and forever evolving. But the evolution of shiny has been so great to watch because it's not easy to just to make those decisions and I've seen it with other friends and even with you, brianna divorce, like once you see the person on the other side and, like you said, you're happy and you're thriving.
Speaker 1:But to get to that point, it is agony, because you're thinking about your kids and you're thinking. But to get to that point, it is agony because you're thinking about your kids and you're thinking about how it's going to affect them. And I love that. You're understanding that if we're good as moms, they're going to be okay. And we all like to think oh well, I'm staying in it for my kids. No, and I've said this and I think I said it to you, I don't know if you remember. No, you're saying it for yourself because you're scared, like we like to blame it on, oh, the children. It's going to affect them. No, it's affecting them now because they don't see you happy, they don't see daddy happy. They see, oh well, we're not fighting in front of them. Well, I sense the energy. You can sense energy. Whether you're talking, not talking, cussing each other out, it doesn't matter. Like, the energy is there when you're not getting along. And so I'm proud of both of you because I know that was a big step and the women that I've seen because you guys are not the only ones that have gone through divorces and there might be one or two that I'm like they haven't grown but the ones that have pulled the plug and that have moved forward. It was horrible while they were doing it, but they're so much happier now and it needed to happen, and I'm proud of both of you. So that's all I got to say. Thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 1:Let's pivot. So, now that we're divorced and we're happy and we're glowing, and, yes, we can have more money and more stability, but we're going to get there, right, because you guys just got divorced officially, it hasn't even been a year yet for either of you, right, has it? No, no, okay, it's been a year since I left, but not, yeah. So that stuff is going to work itself out, because you guys are always evolving and always growing. So let's talk dating. Can we? Are we dating? Are we on these apps, these dating apps? What are we doing? How does this work? Post, and what are the feelings behind that? Is it like, are we ready to just hit the seam, just like willy-nilly, or is there hesitation? Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:I am not on any apps. Well, I am, I've gotten on apps. I have not gone on a single date from an app because anytime, like late at night sometimes, I'll be like, oh, I'm really lonely, let's see what's out there. And then I look and I hate what's out there. I'm like absolutely not. If I see what kind of stuff, what kind of, I look and I hate what's out there, I'm like absolutely not. If I see one more, what kind of stuff? What kind of stuff? If I see one more six pack in a gym mirror, I'm going to lose it. Okay, I can't.
Speaker 3:So I can't do it. You know what I love, can I say Bree? I remember Bree saying like her type one of the she was like I love a dad bod and I'm like that I've not heard before.
Speaker 2:I love it.
Speaker 3:I can't. Yes, yes, I think it's hilarious. I love it because I wouldn't have. I mean, you know, from out I didn't think so Cause she, I mean she's rocking, oh my God, Thanks, no you're.
Speaker 1:You're beautiful Bree, so it's, it's. I think it's adorable. Actually, I think what we're doing is stereotyping Brianna based on how she looks. Because she's this cute little, we'll take a picture, we're going to post it so you can see what we all look like Cutie, patootie. So she's like this little nugget. How tall are you? 5'4", 11.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was giving you a few inches, I know.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:But you know you're just so. You look like someone who would only get get with someone who is a gym rat who has abs popping out of all places.
Speaker 2:That honest to god anytime I've been on an app and they're like gym is my life. It's an immediate no for me. I don't like, um I. I don't like the six pack, I don't like really. I like a little bit of flab, I like something. You know how they say men like something to hold on to. Well, women do too sometimes. Okay, um, no, I I'm not, and for some reason.
Speaker 2:So before I met my uh dev I mean my ex-husband I literally was on the apps and I would go on like two or three dates a weekend. Like I, I loved him. It was so fun for me and even if I didn't hit it off with them, I'm very, I was very blunt, so I would. At the in the dinner table, I'd be like, listen, I'm not feeling this, let's get the check, I'm going to go. One time I told a guy that my mom had just gotten arrested so I had to leave really fast. Like I, if I'm not into it, I'm not going to waste mine. And so I.
Speaker 2:I loved it when I was younger and while going through my divorce, I was excited for that. I'm like oh, I can't wait to get back on the apps. I can't wait to, you know, blah, blah, blah, because you met him. You met him on it. Yeah, well, that's probably why I fucking hate it now. Um, and so I. I I've gotten on them a couple of times and the few guys that I've matched with I will be like, hey, how are you Small talk? And then I'll just like ghost them because I don't get back on the apps. So I hate them. The next person that I'm with, I want to meet somebody organically and I'm more of a personality person than I am looks. Anyway, you don't have to be the hottest man in the world for, or you don't have to be like extremely attractive. I just want a good person with good personality.
Speaker 1:Well, I think, I think, as as women, yeah, personality brings out your attractiveness. Yes, your confidence, your humor, your like whatever, like just your, how kind you are to people, how you interact with people.
Speaker 2:that's sexy yeah, yeah, so the dating apps are not for me. Um, unfortunately, I don't think I'll be doing any, any dates from an app, so I'm hoping to just meet someone organically and go from there. I'm ready to date. I feel lonely.
Speaker 1:I feel very lonely, um but you ain't gonna get with just anybody. No, I'm not.
Speaker 2:I, I, I have a crush. We'll say that I have somebody that I'm interested in. Okay, yeah, he's a patient at the office. Oh, wow, okay, we're coming out, we're coming.
Speaker 3:He named it.
Speaker 2:He worked at and this is his phone number.
Speaker 1:His address is no.
Speaker 2:I'm giving like a home alone look like. I have someone I'm into, who I'm attracted to.
Speaker 3:It's actually cute to say on the recording right Like I saw you on the train you were wearing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm scared, so we'll see, and I'm anxious, I'm anxious. Honestly, I think I did not realize the damage that my ex-husband did to me until after I was out of the marriage and until I thought about what I wanted my quote unquote love life to look like. I feel like once I met somebody that I was like, truly, genuinely interested in, I was like, oh, my ex-husband really did a number on me. I think, yeah.
Speaker 1:What are you afraid of? Like what are we scared?
Speaker 2:of I, genuinely I, I, I don't feel strong enough to handle another heartbreak at the moment, and although I um, truly like I know that my ex-husband was not, we weren't meant to be together and the divorce was the best thing for me, it still hurt, right Like it was still a heartbreak. It was still. It still felt like a failure. It's embarrassing. There's a lot of I feel a lot of shame around. Not even my divorce, honestly, my wedding. I feel more shameful that I married him than I did divorcing him, and so I I'm just petrified of of dealing with all of that again. Make it marrying him. I, I got a beautiful little boy out of it and I don't regret him for a second, but in the same breath, I would say that it was a mistake ever going on a second date with him. Oh damn, yeah, second date, yeah, yeah, should have stopped at the first.
Speaker 3:So so you learned a lot.
Speaker 2:I did, yeah, and, like I said, my son, I got my son, so I am forever thankful for him.
Speaker 2:It's it's it's an odd feeling because with my oldest I have an older son who's 12 and his dad and I dated in high school and we got pregnant with our my oldest son in high school and I've always been able to look back at that and been like it didn't work out.
Speaker 2:We were teenagers, it wasn't the way we planned, but I never regretted it because I always felt like I was meant to become a mom at a young age and I can't imagine what road I would have gone down had I not. And with my youngest it's a different feeling and I think it's because his dad was so abusive and there's so much hurt and turmoil and so I mean, I still deal with it daily. So I think that it's hard to look at the bright side of it when I again, I love my son to the moon and the stars and if I had to be with that motherfucker for another four years in order to get him, I would. But it's hard to to look at the the positive of it. It's it's hard and I and I feel embarrassed that that's the father I gave him, so it's it's a very different dynamic. My oldest son's dad is a good dad. My youngest son's dad is a.
Speaker 1:Well, it's still, it's still fresh, it's still fresh, it's still fresh. I just muted your microphone because I don't want you to say something that we can't take back either, even though I can't edit all of this no regrets, but you know, hopefully with time things will change and get better once he and and that's what's scary Will that ever go away?
Speaker 2:He's not going to change. I'll never not regret it. So, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I'm not in the best place mentally, so this is what I've seen, because you're not the first person that I've seen marry someone with this dynamic. Eventually, right now, it feels like you're the center of their world and you are. And there's a lot of you know, a lot of I'm trying to. I'm trying to be polite, but there's a lot of nastiness coming your way. But eventually they find somebody else to latch on to and their attention goes to them and their harassment turns to them. And then eventually, as the kids get older, they realize oh, this is what this parent is exuding and I don't want to be around that, and that's what happens. So you don't have to say a word, you just keep living your life, you keep growing, you keep maturing, you keep trying to find ways to make yourself better internally. And let the universe handle all of that, because it will happen. I've seen it in other people's lives. It will happen For sure so yeah.
Speaker 3:I have a lot of interesting things to say about dating apps. So I've been officially single for a little bit I mean not a year or anything yet. Officially single for a little bit, I mean not a year or anything yet. But I decided, I think in February, like springtime, to check them out and I gave a few of them a try, each taking turns, I think. On Tinder, I was on it for like three hours.
Speaker 1:Why? What's going on on Tinder? It's terrible, is it it?
Speaker 3:yes, but I wanted to be. So I have to say that I know what tinder's for and I know people have their things. But my best friend from high school she's a vet veterinarian. Her name is taryn. She met her man that like love of her life they bought a house together. They're as happy as can be on tinder there are a lot of success stories.
Speaker 2:The dating apps, honestly, are great. I'm just, I'm just. They're not for me personally. No, they are good. No, I don't I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't even think they're good, I just think it's. It's a little bit of luck. I think exactly you can be on it and meet a great person, or you could be on it and meet a great person, or you could be on it and meet a lot of really interesting people. And I met a lot of interesting people so far. I had someone who remember the guy who showed up in my house.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, how could we forget?
Speaker 1:To the point where I'm like tell me what kind of car he drives, Because you live right down the street from me. I'm not like, if I see that mofo in front of your house, I'm going to get out of my car. I'll be like get out of here, yeah. So I would say the warning is that you can't underestimate people.
Speaker 3:You could go on just one date and they can take things however they want in their head, things however they want in their head, and the internet is such a wonderful thing that you know it can. It's can be used for good and it can also be used for bad, and people can find you. So you know, if they really want to, they will because you didn't even tell them. No, nothing, didn't know my last didn't know my last name, didn't know my. You know nothing.
Speaker 2:Grand and shiny is not a common name, but that's still scary.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But he's out of here, he's been gone.
Speaker 2:He's in her backyard as we speak.
Speaker 3:I think he follows me on social media.
Speaker 1:That's fine. He can follow you on social media Maybe he listens to the podcast.
Speaker 3:That's fine.
Speaker 1:Hi, what up If I see your car in front of the whole house? It's all mofo. I don't know what you look like, but I got my eyes. I got my eyes everywhere.
Speaker 3:So the funniest thing about that day we'll say funny is that he said he was prepared. He said either he'd be going out with me that day or he'd be going home or going like leaving the property in handcuffs.
Speaker 2:What the Did he say that?
Speaker 3:What the fuck? He said he was prepared for it.
Speaker 2:Oh, he was prepared Like he prepared his mind?
Speaker 3:Was he prepared to have my fist in his face if?
Speaker 1:I cried about a sidekick. That's scary.
Speaker 3:I didn't know, that I know we're laughing about it because, well, we have to, we have to make like. We have to laugh about it because it's really the only way.
Speaker 1:So he was prepared. Anybody that's prepared to go to prison. Yeah, You're psycho. They went, they. That means that's terrifying.
Speaker 3:I know, I, I, I think I'm still in shock that that even happened, but it just goes to show that you meet a lot of very interesting people and people are very free to do and say whatever they want. So that's, I think, one of the things that I learned just, and you can also meet very nice people too.
Speaker 1:There's married men on there too. Right, there are A thousand percent, a thousand percent.
Speaker 2:That's what's scary about them is like you. When I don't know, I feel like I'm such a face-to-face type of person in that regard, or I've become such a face face type of person in that regard, or I've become such a face to face person in that regard Because before, whenever I was younger, like in my early 20s, it was all about look, so I would, I would, I would. I was dating these men solely based on the way they looked. And now I'm like, if I meet someone, I can tell within the first five minutes if we are going to hit it off, if we're not the man that I'm currently interested in. Within the first four seconds of seeing him, I was like oh, I like him, so it's yeah. That's what's scary about the apps.
Speaker 1:Can I tell I won't go into like detail.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know what you're about to tell.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just saying that that's like legit the truth, because she already divulged that he's a patient and we both work at this practice and I literally was getting coffee, so he was sitting in the welcome area, so I went to get coffee and she's like, she's like tilting her head towards him. She's like that guy, I'm going to marry him, I'm going to marry that guy.
Speaker 3:And I was like, yes, no, she literally said that, and I was like yes. No, she literally said that and I was like this psychopath.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm like, hey, watch out for her.
Speaker 2:No, I'm kidding, it's going to be mine, she said.
Speaker 1:But that was before we ever even, I ever even said a word to him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, before, Like before I didn't know anything, anything I knew he. Obviously I looked to see if he had a ring on his finger. I always look to make sure, even before I say somebody's remotely attractive, I make sure whether or not they have a ring on their finger. And I did not see a ring on his finger. And I looked at leonette and I was like, oh my god, I want yep, she's like, he's my type.
Speaker 1:That's him. I was like girl. You don't even know this I didn't know his name.
Speaker 2:I mean it was, it was on the schedule, but he come in once before, so what?
Speaker 2:happened was the first time he came. God, I hope he'd never, ever get a hold of this, because it's very obvious. No, the first time. It'll be a cute story when you guys get married. I don't think that's going to happen, but when the first time he walked in, you were sitting behind the desk and I was at my desk and he walked in and I looked at you and I said if I had a type, it would be him to a T, that's right.
Speaker 2:And then the second and then the second time he came in, he you were out there making coffee and I was like, oh, as soon as they took him back, I was like, oh, I'm going to marry that guy Surely. And then I had to go over his no, marry that guy. She surely did, and then okay I had to go over his no. So what? What was it about him? Please tell me it was the way. I mean. He's an attractive man for some reason. Fuck, he doesn't have for some reason yeah, he's.
Speaker 2:Um, for some reason I have a weird fetish with the bald men. I love a bald guy. Okay, don't worry, sir, there are a lot of bald guys in this world. Okay, it's not you. I have a thing for bald men. I don't, I don't know why. So he, he was bald. He just has like a very manly look about him and I don't know, I don't know, I genuinely don't know. I just I looked at him and I was like holy fuck, I need to know his name. I just I looked at him and I was like holy fuck, I need to know his name. And so then I had to go over his treatment plan with him. He carries himself in a very like rugged, almost like mysterious way. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:That's a that's a great description of him.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Very like not brooding Is brooding the right word.
Speaker 1:Yes, manly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but in a calm, quiet.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, not in a here, I am kind of way yeah very um, um, what's the word?
Speaker 1:um, unassuming? Yeah, yeah, okay, just, he's just being himself. He's not coming in with like any big grandiose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, personality he's very calm and whenever he speaks he's like he talks calmly. Everything about him is just very calm, but but he's like a man you know, I love that, and so he sounds great, I had to go over a treatment plan with him. So we went into the office to go over his treatment plan and we were in there for like an hour just like talking and yeah, that's, that's, that's all. Is he six?
Speaker 3:foot. Wow, yeah, he's tall. Okay, so there's a big height.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh yeah, there's a big. Oh, you can pick her up and throw her around. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3:I'm sweating, I'm sweating. This is the spicy part of the back to school special.
Speaker 1:I hope he's not a podcast guy. Oh, we only have like five listeners.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, it's only five people. There's sweat dripping down my back. No, I don't know. I don't know what it was, but there was an instant attraction and an instant like there was a lot of chemistry there, and we've both spoken about that since, like how instant, like the chemistry was I love that for you.
Speaker 1:You know, listen with anything like you said before, you're you're afraid, so you're leading with fear, so we'll see how this you know turns turns out, we'll end up as as good friends okay, okay, shiny, and I, before we started recording, said that I have a theory and I'm sure we have. So many people debate this can men and women be just friends? And there are, yes, there are, exceptions to the rules, but the, for the most part, a man can you be friends with someone after you've already been?
Speaker 1:no in a romantic. I don't think I mean, I think. I think people try it can happen.
Speaker 3:It can happen.
Speaker 1:It's rare, I mean because I know one of my best friends is friends with someone that she had dated before, but it's really rare I think the man is going to pretend to be your friend to keep that, that window or that door open until you're ready to crack it open and let them bust in.
Speaker 2:So, while we're on this topic, that's actually that was one of I've we've been talking about me getting on medication for a very long time now, and it's been well known that I needed some sort of medication and therapy because of my OCD and anxiety and everything. But I think that that's really what did me in was that whole situation, because we did start seeing each other and things were.
Speaker 2:I don't know, they're just getting too real, you don't have to go into detail, they're getting too real for you, to the point where and I had a lot of anxiety surrounding it. Yeah, you don't want to go into detail. They're getting too real for you to the point where and I had a lot of anxiety surrounding it yeah, and that's what you don't want to get your heart broken again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't want to get sucked into this like situation where you're going to be left heartbroken.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and.
Speaker 1:I'm sure a lot of us can relate to that as women.
Speaker 3:To conclude this portion of our talk. Yeah, I I feel as if we tread lightly and think it's fine taking it slow. We're constantly growing and learning and it's just to have fun, why not?
Speaker 1:Exactly? And one of the things that I told Brianna and even Phillip has advised her of this too as the man we always, we should always take advice from men. I know we like to go yeah, we like to go to each other as women, and that's great, but a man knows a man and what? Basically, what we've been telling Brianna is, even if she wants to pause it right now because she needs to get her mind right and herself right, a man that is meant to be for you will be there for you.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter if two years go by and you're just trying to figure your shit out, because that's what you should be doing right now is trying to figure yourself out, trying to regulate yourself and he will be there for you. So, this whole analyzing oh, if I don't do it now, what's meant to be will be, and if he's not meant for you, the right one's going to come along. Getting ourselves right as women is number one priority, and the right man that's supposed to be there for you will be there for you, and if it's him, it'll happen. You stop focusing and stop having anxiety over that part of things. I promise you it'll happen the way it's supposed to and the right time, but your priority is working on yourself. That's what I for sure.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, so those are my two cents. What about you? Shiny and dating no.
Speaker 1:I just want to hear about these bum guys on these. They're terrible. So anytime you come across a good story, please share oh well, I did so.
Speaker 2:Two of the guys that I matched with. This was maybe a month ago, no less than a month ago, after I had my little freak out with this guy, I got on the app and I was like I'm going to just see what's out there. So I matched with these two guys. We're having small talk. I'm talking like hey, how are you? Type deal, and within four minutes both of them were like yeah, well, I'm really in the mood to cuddle. Or I'm like hey, hey, I'm about to go to bed. And the other guy was like well, that makes me want to cuddle you and I'm like you don't even know my middle name, bro, like what the fuck okay is cuddle code for I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but you've never even shook my hand. What do you mean? You want to cuddle? That's disgusting to me and I immediately cuddle, immediately, yeah, exactly. I immediately got off and I was like, yeah, bump this the person I end up with. I want to meet someone organically, but that's just me. The dating apps aren't for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't like that In this economy free dinner, but I can't even do that and I definitely don't like any pictures that have been sent my way I immediately delete pictures that have been sent my way.
Speaker 1:I immediately delete immediate a bunch of creepers out there.
Speaker 3:It's awful, yeah, but he wants to see all that. No, no, the woman's body is, I will say, is is a work of art.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, so is a man's I was having. I was having this debate with my friend the other day. She's like a woman's. My friend is bisexual and she's like a woman's body is so much better to look at than a man's and I'm like that's how I know I'm straight as a board because I think a man's body is way more attractive than a woman's. Now I like looking at like if a woman's got like a juicy booty or something, I'll look at her like damn, I wish that was me type deal, but not like. But I think okay.
Speaker 1:So like, for example, if we send a picture to a man that turns them on right away.
Speaker 2:Oh, a thousand percent.
Speaker 1:If a man is sending a picture to me. I'm just like that's not. Yeah, I can see that. I'm not like. Do you think I'm just automatically start getting wet down?
Speaker 2:there, we're getting ready. No, come on over.
Speaker 1:No, no, so keep that shit to yourself.
Speaker 2:I don't know I'm not dating, but I wouldn't turn me on. That would be such a type of girl I've never, I've never requested, nor have I I've been like open or receptive to receiving dick pics. I'm not any nude pictures.
Speaker 1:Really, it's not been my thing.
Speaker 2:I'm with you, shiny, I've never done any of that sexting's fun, but like what, what I'm going to do to you later, but not like here's what's going to be in you later, type deal.
Speaker 1:That's not my vibe.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:I don't want to see all that.
Speaker 3:And plus we have children. Yeah yeah, anybody can grab a phone and I don't have a pen on my phone.
Speaker 1:I don't have a passcode on my phone so anybody can. Just I'm on camera. I have nothing to hide here. You want to check something? Corinne takes my phone all the time. Can you imagine if she saw a picture of her father on my phone. Oh my God, or me and myself. I forgot.
Speaker 2:Get out of here, no, you know how, if you have an iPhone and an iPad, like your text will come through your iPad too. The other day, maddox was like Mom, I want to browse he's not allowed Facebook or social media yet. He's like Mom, I want to grab or I want to browse Facebook Marketplace on your iPad. And I was like yeah, sure. And I was like go get your iPad. And I was texting with someone nothing like dirty or anything, but still not something I want my son seeing and I was texting with someone. And as I'm texting, I'm like, oh my God, maddox has my iPad. So I like run in his room real quick. And I'm like Maddox, are you looking at my text messages? He's like, no, I would never do that, but you know like they'll pop down, like it'll be a little window popping down. It wasn't photos or anything sexual, but still I was like, no, no, the iPad's cut off, you don't have to get your own. No, no, yeah, I'm not a big sexter that's is.
Speaker 1:That is, that your PSA Don't let your children see your. If you're going to get dick pics, make sure you put them in a folder, because there's apps for that. I hear I don't know about that, but I've heard that there's like they look like something else, but it's where you hide the pictures.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I've never used one, but I'm sure my ex-husband could tell you all about it all right girls, so I think this is enough for today I I think I think we'll end on the dick pics I love it.
Speaker 1:Um, we will end with dick pics, and what is it?
Speaker 3:Discretion yes, it's advised.
Speaker 2:Yes, pure discretion. Pg-13.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I'm happy to be back. I know summers are always hectic and I like to take my summers off, but I'm glad that we're back. And, yeah, let's see where this rest of the year takes us. Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Let's do it yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm in. I love you ladies. I'll see you all very soon and, as always, thank you.
Speaker 2:You're welcome, love you too. Bye, bye, bye.
