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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast for women who are done shrinking.
I’m your host, Lyanette Talley—mother, wife, truth-teller, and warrior in progress.
Here is where we unlearn silence, honor our roots, and reclaim our voices.
We talk real life—identity, marriage, motherhood, leadership, and healing—with boldness and truth.
If you’ve ever been told you’re too loud, too much, or too ambitious...
You’re exactly where you need to be.
This is everyday growth. Everyday healing. For everyday warriors.
We’re not shrinking. We’re taking up space.
Virago 24/7
Say Anything
Ever wonder where to draw the line between romantic pursuit and something more alarming? This raw, unfiltered episode tackles a situation that started with a casual mention on our podcast and spiraled into something much more concerning.
When Lyanette received an unexpected email from someone Shiney had gone on just one date with months ago, we decided to address it head-on.
The conversation dives deep into the misconceptions about romance versus stalking, with powerful insights about personal boundaries and why they matter. We explore how seemingly innocent information shared during early dating—your city, your schedule, even your first name—can be pieced together by someone determined to find you. Lyanette's 24-year-old daughter, Kaylin, joins us midway through, offering a younger generation's perspective that's refreshingly direct: rejection is part of dating, and nobody is entitled to your attention after one date.
Most powerfully, we reclaim the narrative around Shiney's happiness. The emailer had attempted to take credit for her "glow," but as she eloquently explains, "My glow is not from any person. I own my glow. I'm glowing and joyful and happy because I choose that." It's a reminder that our joy comes from within, not from external validation or relationships.
Whether you're newly single after years in a relationship or navigating the complexities of modern dating, this conversation offers crucial insights about protecting yourself while staying open to genuine connection. Share your thoughts or your own dating safety tips with us at virago247podcast@gmail.com—just know your email might inspire our next episode!
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Hello, good morning, Welcome to today's recording. Good afternoon, Hello Shiny, Hello Leonette, so Shiny. Yes, Before we start, we got to let our we're calling this a PSA after school special. What do we want to call this?
Speaker 2:That we want to clear up some buzz that's been going around and straighten this out once and for all.
Speaker 1:That's right, that's right.
Speaker 2:We want to make sure that you hear the truth directly from me.
Speaker 1:That's right. So what truth are we talking about?
Speaker 2:So, for any of you that listened to the last few episodes, episode Well, actually, if they've been even loyal listeners, that's right can relate as well, because because I've been glowing- you, you are, you have a glow up, and we're going to tell you why she's a glow up we're going to tell you where this glow up has come from.
Speaker 1:Okay, this is going to make sense in a minute, so but the what triggered this is the very last show that was posted the Divorced and Dating Diaries. So I posted that show last week Go and listen if you haven't. And then this past Friday, I received an email From one of your loyal listeners. You think he's loyal? Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:I definitely think he's loyal, so this podcast is just not for women.
Speaker 1:No, come to find out, men listen to this too, hey you know what?
Speaker 2:We welcome all people.
Speaker 1:All people who are willing to learn and grow, and I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:So let me go back to the show. Some of what we were talking about was about dating, and we were talking about being on the apps and what kind of dates you and Brianna have been on, and we talked about one of the people that you have met once you started dating again after your divorce, and we briefly mentioned a little bit about this guy showing up at your house uninvited, literally finding you, because you never told him where you live. But he found out where you live because, according to him and we'll get into this according to him, this is public um knowledge, right, anybody can find where shawnee lives, yes, or where I live. If they do their homework and if they really really go deep diving, they can find where we live. So that's what he did and he found her but we.
Speaker 2:But the reason we even brought that all up is to our, you know, women or men listening that when you are out there dating the information you give out in the beginning, keep it brief, keep it, and I did. I kept it tight. The only thing that I would give and I learned over time not even to give that is I gave my first name, my real first name, and what city I lived in. Over time I learned that I don't even give the city and I remember people would not be very nice about it, like you can't even tell me where you live and I would say I live near Duluth or Johns Creek or Norcross. And I would say I live near Duluth or Johns Creek or Norcross. I would say something like that because I learned over time that I don't even want to tell them. Petrie Corners, you know that we're the Real Housewives of Petrie Corners.
Speaker 1:That's right. I even have the cup to prove it and the hat, and so so he decided that he was going to reach out to me and he did in an email. He sent it to my virago um email address and I, which is, which is public knowledge, that that's right, because when I post it with the podcast and I don't know, do we want to read the email? What do you want to do?
Speaker 2:Why we're here today is just in response to what you've received, and we welcome response. We welcome, you know, if you have something to tell us. That's a that's a way to do it. So one of our loyal listeners wanted quotes.
Speaker 1:We're saying this in quotes, aren't we?
Speaker 2:wrote, wrote to Leonette and she contacted me last week and this is this is very bold of me. I'm just the fact that I mean I'm on a podcast and I'm sharing my truth. All of this because I'm really trying to live my authentic life and be happy and glowing.
Speaker 1:The thing with Shiny is that she's very private, which is fine, but you are coming out of that through this podcast. We've shared a lot that we probably normally wouldn't share. We share amongst ourselves, but not on this, on this forum, to so many people, and so when I sent this email to Shiny, I didn't know what her response was going to be and she, right away, was very upset and right away was like we're talking about this and I didn't know if we should just ignore it, address it. But because this has to do with her and she wants to do this is on, we're going to talk about it Because if we're going to be receiving feedback there's nothing wrong with that Then you are also putting yourself out there for us to share it here on this podcast. So I'll take it. You take it from here, shiny. I don't know if you want to read some of it, all of it. Do you want to address certain parts of the email? What do you want to say to this loyal listener of yours?
Speaker 2:So I don't think we need to read in all of it. We can just have some responses to some of the things that were written. Um, first off, uh, thank you for being a loyal listener and listening to all of the episodes. Uh, in reference to your email, we can tell that you have been. You didn't you titled it? Just Found your Podcast. But in the email, clearly you've been listening for at least seven months at least, because that's when I met you and I had said in the previous podcast that we had met briefly, we only went on one date, and that I didn't expect you to go to the lengths that you did.
Speaker 2:That's all truth. You referenced also that we enjoyed our conversations on the phone and we had FaceTime. Yes, but people who know me, I'm a pretty good conversationalist. So, yes, we had really good conversation. But that's what I want with every person I meet and I talk to and I'm friends with. That is something that is a skill that I say that I have. I don't think it's only a we thing. You and I and I did enjoy the conversations we had. Yes, and we did get along, as I was getting to know you and you're getting to know me. But I think where it, where you referenced that you. So, leanna, just the part about the glow, do you think you can mention that, because we've said that word so many times, so so that people listening understand what what I was saying?
Speaker 1:So basically, this email just to since we're not going to read all of it, just to summarize what it is is him defending himself, If you go back to the show. We didn't even mention his name, we didn't even mention details. We just said he found her where she lives, he would be parked out there and I called it creepy. So I guess he took offense to that. But in this email he's trying to defend himself by divulging way more details that I even knew about. So to me I think he was trying to make himself seem um better and he made it worse. So can you tell?
Speaker 2:him. Can you tell them the reference of what he did exactly outside, because he says this was a romantic gesture.
Speaker 1:Well, let's go back to the glow, cause I'm going to read this. This is exactly what it says. Well, it seems that she left out some details as she was reminiscing. First, let me take you back a few episodes that glow that you said she had back in your February podcast. That was when she and I were talking. We had just met and I found her to be very cute, especially when her nose does that scrunchie thing. Anyway, we video chatted a couple of times before we met in person, and then he goes on to say other things and then he mentions the glow again. Let me find it.
Speaker 2:Where did he?
Speaker 1:mention the glow again um. Let me find it where did he mention the glow?
Speaker 2:there are multiple paragraphs, correct?
Speaker 1:oh, it's it's, it's a, it's a lengthy, it's a lengthy email, it's quite lengthy. I can't find, but he mentions it again, so he's taking credit. Pretty much I can't find it because, um, he's taking credit for your glow up, because you met him, you are now glowing.
Speaker 2:And I want to say this for any person that I would, that I would meet. I I've said this many times that I'm so blessed with the love and friendship I have in my life, but with everything that has happened in my life, the reason I and I've said this so many times the reason I see so much joy, is because I know pure suffering. The reason I see the light is because I was in the dark. Truly, this happiness and this joy and this inner glow I have is radiating from within me and it's because I'm finally speaking my truth. I'm finally standing up for myself in so many different ways, and this is not to just one person or groups of people. I'm finally doing things that I want to do and and honestly, I'm pissing off people on the way to, which has always bothered me.
Speaker 2:I've always cared what people think of me, which is really none of my business, but we all do and I'm trying my best to not care so much. But I will say that I disagree with you. My glow is not on any person, it is only me on any person. It is only me. I own my glow. I'm glowing and joyful and happy because I choose that, no matter what has happened, I have come out the other side smiling, glowing, jumping for joy, and I am so thankful for those that held my hand and picked me up and was there by my side. But I'm sorry, but no man has given that to me.
Speaker 1:That's right, and listen, we're not trying to embarrass anybody. The point of us coming on here one we were both Shiny was livid and I was just my mouth just dropped with all the things that he put in this email, and it's not to embarrass anybody. This podcast is about working on our insides and when we're confident in who we are and we go on one date and it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. That's not a reflection on me, it just didn't work out. But when we have these people in this world running around with low self-esteem, that one person decides that this is not working for me and he goes through all this to get your attention, come to your house, writes you letters, then decides to email me where I have nothing to do with this shit. I just know the facts and I called it creepy and I stand by that. And so let's just start working on ourselves so that when we get quote unquote rejected by people, that we don't take it personal, that we don't know what we like as humans, that each person has walked through. We don't know what shiny has gone through, we don't know why he wasn't a good fit for her. But keep it moving, dude. Like what are we doing? Like what is up with this Taking credit? I found it. It says so I'm thinking we have a little chemistry going on. And you guys went to dinner and he says that he is taking credit, he will take credit for this glow, a little credit. And then he goes on to say how he found you. So I do want to read that, because let me see Now that I thought she had a little bit. So you take, he takes you to dinner and then you ghosted him. Pretty much is what he says. You ghosted him after a few calls, a few FaceTimes, one dinner. You don't think he's a good fit for you, for whatever reason. It has nothing to do with you, dude, like you're not meant for everyone, just like I'm not meant for everyone, just like shiny is not meant for everybody and it's okay.
Speaker 1:So I want to read what wasn't mentioned. Oh wait, let me go back. Let me go back, then I get ghosted right For real this time. No exclamation, no, nothing. A week goes by, still nothing. So I use my knowledge of real estate to do a little detective work.
Speaker 1:It wasn't difficult to figure out where she lived. Everything was public. What wasn't mentioned on the podcast is how I presented myself to her. I did the whole say anything. So that's a movie from the 80s. If you guys don't know, look it up. I did the whole say anything bit with the trench coat and holding a boombox over my head. I'll stop right there. You guys been on one date and he shows up to your house, he finds where you live and this is what he does and he's literally telling me this, like I'm supposed to be like amazed by this. But let me keep reading. I was even playing the song from the movie on the boom box.
Speaker 1:I quoted Jane Austen to her through her ring doorbell. It was meant to be romantic, not creepy. Women say men don't pursue and don't make grand gestures anymore, but when they do they're labeled as psychopaths. But I digress. And no, I was not prepared to go to jail. I just knew that was a possibility as I was showing up unannounced. She could just as easily call the police as come to the door. Okay, a-hole, you didn't call the police. So now he's like pretty much blaming you for not calling the police. You could have called, like pretty much blaming you for not calling the police. You could have called the police, but instead you came to the door.
Speaker 2:Well, so I didn't go to the door. So what he didn't know, or people don't realize, is this is all a learning curve. All of this is learning for me, because I was in a relationship for a long time. You know, we were together and then we got married. So I was in a serious, committed relation for a long time. So I haven't dated in ages. So and I'm and I'm learning.
Speaker 2:I didn't have internet actually when I was dating back then, so for him to think that it's okay and not let me go back. He remembered what days I homeschool, what days I take my kids to school. He remembered all these things and I I've learned a lesson from that as well is I don't need to tell any person, any person, my schedule, what I'm doing, where, when I'm, and I don't even like that, I don't. I don't think we should. Everyone needs to know everything about you in that way. But, first and foremost, I may come off as super soft and and and and. Really my kindness is mistaken for weakness. But let me tell you I, when it comes to my children, I am a mom and I am a mama bear, and I think I was really bothered and upset because my son happened to be home that day because he wasn't feeling well. My youngest he doesn't know this, so he heard the ring doorbell too. He heard the music outside. He was asking me who is that? What is that? What's going on? That's scary and at the time, like you just started dating, so your boys didn't really know that you were even FaceTime somebody. So say, I met someone online because that is the way that is the easiest avenue to meet people. One of the things I've learned to do to avoid being catfished, because that happens that's happened a handful of times already to people post a picture or they talk to you online and they're not really the person they say they are. So one of the things that I have learned from one of my friends is you ask to FaceTime them so you can see them in real time, what they, you know what they look like, they see what you look like. So there's no mystery in that, because we want to be safe. So, yes, we talked on FaceTime. And my kids, because they live in the house with me, they have seen me on the FaceTime and I've tried to explain why I'm doing that. So, yes, so the day he came, that was what happened. So there was no way and in general, I would never have come to the door. You know I would never have come to the door. You know I would never have come to the door I, when he did that, I I felt my heart racing because I had no idea who was there.
Speaker 2:And when I looked through the window I got a feeling and actually he said it because we, so we ended up speaking through the ring and I asked who it was. He said who he was and then I asked what he was doing here and he said that he was, you know, really there in the name of love and truthfully, from his side I I see that he definitely saw a real love connection between us and he genuinely liked me. And I will say that I was getting to know him and I thought he was a nice, good person and that's that. You know I didn't have any ill feelings towards him or anything. And the ghosting thing I apologize, you know that is not the right way to handle a relationship and, truthfully, not just ghosts. I did actually text about it, which I don't like either. I don't think you should break up with someone or break things off or end things over text, but it was really early.
Speaker 1:No, I'm going to stop you right there. It was one date, so we can debate this one day and you don't call back. Call it what you want. I know this generation likes to call it ghosting, ghosting, ghosting, ghosting. No, it was one date, and if you we don't talk anymore, then that there's your clue that we're not, we're not moving forward. It wasn't like you went on like 10 dates. Then, okay, ghosting. Okay, let's not do that, let's have a face to face conversation. It was one date and a few conversations and this is what is happening, so don't put that on you. No, ma'am.
Speaker 2:Okay, thank you. I just I'm not trying to hurt him. I'm not. I wasn't trying to hurt him then and I'm not even trying to hurt him now by speaking back.
Speaker 2:I truly just want to clear something up, which is, you know, number one that I own my own happiness. I do. My friends and my kids and my family obviously bring so much joy to my life. But, truthfully, your happiness is a choice. It's a decision you make, no matter what is happening in your life, and one of the number one qualities you want in a person is emotional regularity, stability. So when things happen, bad things happen, upsetting things happen how quickly am I going to bounce back? How quickly, you know, can I balance and regulate myself and recognize that? You know what? This is the problem and this is what I'm going to do over it. So I wish that for him and I I'm. I never, we never meant to upset him in any way and I'm not even meaning to upset him with this.
Speaker 2:But another big reason why I wanted to speak is and this is just speculation I cannot accuse him of doing this, but shortly after Leonette posted that she had new episodes out, you know, she had new episodes out. It sends to my story because we are social media friends and I reposted it and I I will say social media is is wonderful avenue for this, for us to advertise what we're doing. But I have been terrible this summer. I mean, I was planning to do like a summer dump of all the things that happened my son's birthday, us traveling, you know the places we've gone. That was the plan, because I'm that's something that really just backs up in my life. But when she did that, it's like she did me a favor. So I was like, oh, I want to post that. So I reposted it within 24 hours my social media has been taken down.
Speaker 2:I don't have, I don't use too many um outlets, but I do use Instagram and I do use Facebook and both of them have been taken down. And I got an email Not that just if I don't appeal this and I don't do all these things that it's going to be permanently suspended. I've been suspended and it's going to be permanently deleted and right now I still can't get in because it keeps telling me I have the wrong password. I got to tell you I'm. I know I'm not alone. I'm terrible at all these million passwords we have to have for everything. So right now, I've been without social media for about a few a week, a week, or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so I couldn't.
Speaker 2:I I knew something was up, because what I was accused of was preposterous, of what they said you know something about children and it wasn't positive. So I was flagged for that and I could not. I kept thinking someone must have flagged me or somebody must have reported, because this is odd. My, my, my page is pretty boring.
Speaker 1:The stuff that you post are cooking and your meals and your children, your boys, and when you travel, and that's pretty much it, like that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a. I would say it's a pretty boring page, you know, compared to others. So, but it is my page and I feel like slighted here by you know, and if you did do this that's not nice nice, you know. So I it. Just the timing of it is why, why I think that there that you are responsible for that is, you didn't like that that was posted and maybe you were upset and so you you flagged me, but not cool. Not cool, bruh.
Speaker 1:So what do we learn from this story? As you continue on this dating path that you're on, so what I've learned is he's absolutely right.
Speaker 2:Anybody can find out anything. And let me tell you what I did, and I also don't say that anyone should do what I did. I spoke to him through the ring. My first instinct was I need to get him away from the home, because I felt very protective over that. And you know, I have teenagers, but they're still my children, my babies. So I told him to meet me, meet me somewhere, and that I would. And I picked a public place and I said meet me at this place, and so that he would go, because I didn't know how I could get him to go. He was. He was bent on meeting me, seeing me. And you're right.
Speaker 2:Many people say why didn't she call the cops? Why should you know? They're absolutely right. I think that was probably the right thing to do and he said it, didn't he say it? He said it. That that's what I should have done.
Speaker 2:But you know, I'm kind of a scaredy cat and and and and I don't really like know what to do right in the moment of when I should do it. And I didn't have a brave moment. My, you know, my, my kid, my oldest, even said that that's what I should have done and he's right. So I met him and I tried to just tell him. You know, I I really just listened to him and let him speak and he told me, he exactly gave me a detailed description of how exactly he found me. You know, going to the county records and finding out my, my um, my ex um, my ex-husband's name, he went through his name, attached it to me. He went to some. I couldn't believe it. I just listened the whole time of how he found it. And he's absolutely right. Anybody if they really have a will to do it, they'll do it.
Speaker 2:But please don't. If you're dating a person and it doesn't work out, however they let you know, just take it as you know what. There's a reason we met and there's a reason we're not going to be together and work it out yourself. Somehow I am, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm hurt, like that, you know, and I think what really bothers me is this isn't just it. You, you know, you sent letters to my. You found my email address, which also I never gave you. You sent me, you know, letter, letter in the mail, in the, in my mailing, that you mailed me a letter. You emailed me a letter. Now you're contacting the owner of the podcast, who's my friend, so it's too much.
Speaker 1:You think Just a little bit right, just a little much. And I don't know what the purpose of his email was. I know it feels like he wanted to redeem himself and to, for whatever reason, clear his name, quote, unquote because I don't know what you were trying to prove to me, because I don't give a shit, like I really don't. And the thing is like I knew this happened. I didn't know all the details. When it happened, shiny told me about it. I was like, stay away from this guy. And I was legit saying, hey, what is what does he drive, so that I can be on the lookout, so I'm protective of you. So when you told me all these things you know that was between us like you didn't even divulge any of this on the podcast for for him to want to contact me and divulge all these details that we didn't even share, and I personally didn't even know all the details. I knew the gist of everything. So thank you for more information so that you know I'm going to keep this, just in case we ever need to use it, because this is scary.
Speaker 1:As women, we shouldn't have to be afraid to reject your asses not just you, but you're one woman out of all these women that go through this daily. A man gets rejected, their little eagles are bruised and you guys need to go figure that shit out. Now I'm getting pissed. Now you guys need to go figure that shit out. Maybe do a little counseling, maybe some self-help books or something. Pray to God and maybe God can change your heart.
Speaker 1:Because to go to these lengths to harass a woman that doesn't want you, like that is telling to me, and your little email did nothing but make it worse. And now I'm pissed. I'm pissed for my friend and I'm pissed for all the women that have to go through this. We're all trying to find love. I know you're trying to find love, dude. I know you are. She wasn't it. Let's keep it moving. Like we don't have to go to these great lengths and this whole like oh, I thought it was romantic After one date. That shit is not romantic. Maybe if you had gone on 10 dates, 20 dates, it doesn't go well. Then you bring in this whole like say anything spiel that you did. You don't do that.
Speaker 2:After date number one and only if they you know what. I don't even encourage it at all.
Speaker 1:I don't either, but I'm trying to give them something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but not knowing where I live. Yeah, but ultimately the thing I am is very protective over my kids. So coming to your home, your place of residence, is a no Uninvited.
Speaker 1:So if he does that shit again, we call in the po-po. My brother's a police officer, We'll call him real quick and he'll send his homies to wherever. So don't be afraid, Shiny Like for real, don't be afraid.
Speaker 2:And, honestly, we live in a neighborhood. You know that everyone does look out for each other. Because I will tell, I will share a funny little story. You know, because this is a dating journey and somebody that was waiting for me outside with permission was waiting outside for me in his car and the neighbor called the cops on him.
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't think I knew that. Yeah, oh no, really yes, the cops came.
Speaker 2:Yes, good, good yes.
Speaker 1:I mean not good, but good yeah, that's what I'm watching.
Speaker 3:So the funny thing is my son's like he's like that neighbor's got aura wait.
Speaker 1:What does that mean? Is that a? Is that?
Speaker 2:yeah, like uh good vibes oh, okay, I gotcha yeah, like they're, they're good people, okay, they're looking out. So, you know, even though it was with my you know, he he really was just, he was just waiting. You know, we were waiting for the kids to go to bed so that we could hang out, which I'm I'm human too, you know it's. It's an interesting time today because you kind of feel like teenagers now that I have to even worry, like my kids are the adults now that I'm like hiding from or trying to like date it's. It's, it's goofy, you know, but it was innocent.
Speaker 2:But I and, and honestly I, I sent the neighbor an email that same night which he read the next day, and I explained myself that this is somebody that I'm, you know, you know, fyi, just, you know, we've gotten divorced and I am dating. You know, it's not something you go around telling everybody. So, you know, and that person was, you know, a safe person and he's a good person, and he completely was like all apologetic because he just didn't know. And I don't, I don't know, no problem, you know what they were doing, what they think they should do. You know, I would have probably appreciated that that morning. I would have probably appreciated that that morning, but the unfortunate thing was this person that this pod, this episode, is dedicated to today Our biggest fan, our number one fan of the week he told me he either he got up at 430 or he was there at 430.
Speaker 2:He only came to the door at eight. I can't remember exactly the story, but something I just remember 430 because I remember thinking whoa. So because he lived far away. I think he lived about two hours away from me, yeah, so this was something that he, you know he, he put a lot of thought in to it. Unfortunately, it didn't go out the way he wanted. But you know, I'm, I'm, I'm again, I'm sorry, but it didn't.
Speaker 2:It doesn't work for me, not, not, not going to happen, and it's definitely not going to bring me closer to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I want to know, because he did ask me a question.
Speaker 2:Let me find the question. I know, lena, we have like a. We have a guest here that has oh wait, can we put her on the mic?
Speaker 1:oh, yeah, sure. So we have, um, as I'm looking for this, okay, so after he did, did, after you ghosted him, right, or yeah, you, you. So I'm thinking we have a little chemistry going, okay, so then the following day she disappears. No communication, no, nothing. So I ask you, if you thought you had chemistry with someone, then they just disappear with no explanation, wouldn't you wonder what happened? Of course you would. And then he goes on to tell me what he did. He came to the house.
Speaker 1:You don't do that, you don't do that, okay. So you want to ask me what I would do? I wouldn't, I wouldn't do the whole say anything that. So my question to you is why did you think this was okay? Like I answered your question, you're no, I wouldn't do that. Yes, I'd be curious, but I wouldn't do that. And what made you think that this was going to be like well-received and please don't do this to anybody else. Just don't do it ever, ever again To say anything, just don't. No, all right, kaylin, okay, kaylin is here. She is my 24-year-old, right. Ok, kaylin is here. She is my 24 year old daughter, hi, and she is invested in this story. So what say you?
Speaker 3:So many feelings. Ok, if you're going to do this and you're going to commit a crime and trespass on somebody's land, don't write a written confession with your signed name on it. That's just my two cents on that, to be completely honest. Why? Why would you think that's just my two cents on that, to be completely honest? Why? Why would you think that's a good idea?
Speaker 1:literally because I know this is pissing us off, isn't it, can we? Talk about the latin I feel like we should bring up the latin. Okay, so we end.
Speaker 3:We end the email with so he signs his full name.
Speaker 1:you sign your full name, which is which I didn't even know your name, because we use nicknames for all dates, all of our guys that we are dating.
Speaker 1:We have code names for everybody, so I didn't even know your government name to begin with, dude, yes, yes, I love that. Yeah, this is what takes us back to high school, because in high school we had names for everybody. Everybody had a nickname. We never called them, because then we could talk about them in front of them. So, as 40 year old women, we do the same shit still, which is wonderful. So thank you for that.
Speaker 2:okay, go ahead we're Taylor Swifting, yes.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 3:So he signs the government name. So he signs his name and then says Cognito ergo sum, nec temere de monim amor hominia venison. So it's three lines in Latin, three different lines in Latin, and they all mean different things. I knew. Cognitur go sum. I don't understand why you wrote that or how it's relevant to anything. It's I think. Therefore, I am, and it's like a.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what was the definition?
Speaker 3:Cognitur go sum. I think, therefore, I am. So rene descarte deces I don't know, people say it differently he had like an existential crisis way back in the day and he was like, ah, I can't tell if anything's real. And then he realized, okay, I'm real because I'm thinking about myself and that's all I know. So I think, therefore, I am. The next one means the next. The next two lines are relevant. And then the second line's a little bit scary. It roughly translated to don't fear demons. We're not really sure what you mean by that. I don't know. I don't know why you brought that up. The last line is love conquers all. That's a little bit strong. That's a little bit strong for this. I'm not gonna lie, um, but like at least it's relevant I love your input.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry I read your latin translation. I thank you so much for our guests coming in and translating the latin that was in the email.
Speaker 1:She loves languages. She loves languages like I do, and so this the thing is listen, we're not passing this around to laugh at you, but it is from a female's perspective. This is what we're thinking, and we're trying to help you.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, no, they're not passing it around. I'm definitely judging. I'm not going to lie to you, I don't have any. I don't have a dog in this fight.
Speaker 1:This is just wild um the reason I you took our young, my youngest, your sister somewhere and I was like, oh, it's because shiny's coming over and we're doing this impromptu emergency podcast and this is why and read this, and so you just read it today, so you're having lots of emotions. I didn't know any of this it's the emotions that I felt on friday when I read it myself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, I didn't know any of this. I didn't uh know that there was down the street. There was a whole uh rendition of say anything with a real boombox, um at eight in the morning, at eight in the morning, I thought this was at night no, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Well, the thing is, um that my mistake was to. You know, I gave like a kind of a schedule and I recognize I I do that, like I'll say, my kids go to school on these days and I homeschool on these days. So he came on to to to your benefit.
Speaker 1:Like you don't think that someone's going to use that against you when you're just sharing, you know you don't think someone's going to like clock your schedule and, like, have it inked on their brain so that they can harass you Seven months Like so well, no, um, he, you know he showed up, um, you know, a few months ago.
Speaker 2:That's why the problem is is that it's I think you know us talking just mentioning that somebody showed up my house without me knowing. That's all really what we did and that we said it was creepy. That you know he wanted to defend himself that he's not a stalker and he's not creepy.
Speaker 3:I mean, he is a stalker. That's the definition of soccer when you find someone where you find where someone lives without them telling you that's. That's what stalking is thank you.
Speaker 2:So I, just I I had he came on that day, on that particular day, because he knew my kids are in school, so but I, like I said, my son was home from school that day. He wasn't feeling well, so I think I was doubly afraid. I was, you know, because I wasn't alone and my kid was there. So that that made I think that that was really the biggest problem for me is not only did he, you know, he showed up unannounced, but you know, I was afraid because I was there with my kids and that's something that I took.
Speaker 1:I didn't take well and dude, we would not even be talking about this. We really wouldn't. It was one second of us, one minute of us talking about dating apps and Chinese experience, and this would never even happen if we hadn't gotten that email. But what is the definition of a stalker To?
Speaker 3:pursue or approach stealthily is one, or to harass or persecute someone with unwanted and obsessive attention so that's what's happening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the letters, the emails, the finding where you live um.
Speaker 3:I think it fits into that once again these, that's not cute, these are literal crimes. Like you you can take, okay, chinese, chinese too nice to take you to court for this. But like you can, like you have a written confession, bro. Like, why are you doing this? Um, it's like not even good at stalking, sorry, take that out no as no.
Speaker 1:Like you're in this whole dating world and you're on apps, so this is a psa for all ages.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean um. I mean I'm 20 I'm not yeah, like I'm not as careful.
Speaker 3:I just be showing up places, to be completely honest. Um, it's just gonna be how it's gonna be. Um, I'm still alive, though, so that's pretty good. Um, but yeah, people are I've gotten some obsessive ones that are weird, who? But yeah, it's like what? What you give them at first, because if you give them a number, if you get them with younger generation, we have like Snapchat and that kind of thing, which is easier to block people. But if somebody has your phone number, going through the court records is wild, because you can really just look up where someone lives based on their phone number. He took the hard way, which is wild. It is really wild.
Speaker 1:Well, we're a little older and we used to go to the library to do research, so that's where our mind is.
Speaker 2:Well, actually. So I did a research of my name after that to see, you know, and I think every person should do that. Put your name in the internet.
Speaker 2:See what you find out about me. So, how he found my last name, he told me that as well and I'm going to I'll share that. How he found my last name was he, you know, he wrote, he was, uh, he, you know, he wrote. He wrote in the, in the blank part that said he wrote shiny, he wrote Petri Corners, and what came up was, um, actually Petri Corners magazine, and remember I got featured for one of the recipes. So that is how he, you know, and it has my picture and my name and that is how he found my last name.
Speaker 2:And then, um, I think that's how he started with that direction, and then he got my last name. And then, um, I think that's how he started with that direction, and then he got my last name, found my, you know, my ex, you know. So he did tell me that and, and it is true, when you look it up, you know, because I mean pastry corners is it's, it's a city in georgia. That's really all I had said, but I I've learned now not even to give that.
Speaker 3:Wow, which is like wild. At least he's an honest stalker, I know.
Speaker 1:He goes through so much work.
Speaker 3:He wants to feel some type of validation like oh, I did all this work for you, why don't you like me? Like, oh, I did all this work for you, why don't you like me? Which? So with guys on dating apps, they don't get as many matches as women. I think it's when you know you have and you're a little, when you're a little touch starved and a little desperate and you like have, oh, there's this one beautiful woman and we get along and we know that you got to. You can't hang up your hopes on one person, especially when you you're online. I have a rule of thumb of like eight out of ten people you go out with are going to be pretty bad, they're gonna be shit, um, but like two people, they're gonna be great and you might keep up with them for a couple of months and then stuff happens, whatever. But like when you, you gotta let it go like you said you gotta let it go Like you said you got to let it go.
Speaker 2:And you're absolutely right, so I've learned that as well. With these apps, a guy can get you know a handful and a woman can get somewhere between 100 to 1,000 matches. Like it's insane, yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know, you kind of feel for the men that are trying to find love too, because that's all we all want as humans is to feel connection, and to be loved, and and and to love.
Speaker 3:And so I get it and it sucks, but this is not the way to go, yeah and it's like um, but it's easier for a woman, like when you have all the handful there, you're gonna be more likely to get a few crazies in there well.
Speaker 2:Thank you, kaylin, because you you really helped. Um helped explain some of the things, especially translating the latin for us.
Speaker 3:I just uh, it's just like, um, it's a. This is the type of person because I'm making a lot of judgments here, you're not making judgments by um it's like the type of person who wants to think that they're smart. He wants you to think that they're smart and, like, puts their sort of self-worth on, like, oh, I'm kind of better everybody, because I read jane austen and I know latin.
Speaker 2:It's like, uh, you okay, so to clear that up, he, he I don't think he's a jane.
Speaker 3:He knows that I.
Speaker 2:He knows that I am yeah no, I know that I am, which is which is why one of the letters that I received I forgot if it's the one that I got in the mail or the one I got in email. They might have been both. He wrote it in that old English way.
Speaker 3:He mentioned that he wrote it in the style of Jane Austen.
Speaker 2:Yes, he wrote it in the style, so you know that was another romantic gesture that he went to do for me.
Speaker 3:Don't give him that. I love Kayla.
Speaker 1:I feel like, yes, she has a part of me in her. I'm like she has a part of me in her, because this is how I'm feeling.
Speaker 3:Let's burn the village. No, like you're not talking to people who? No, I'm saying to him it was a romantic gesture, Not not for me, but for him.
Speaker 2:But again, I, you know me, I'm, I'm we. We didn't get together here to slam him. Unfortunately it seems like it, but and he may take it, not in a positive- way but please don't, please don't and forget me, please.
Speaker 3:And if you don't, we will call the cop next time Like you will be arrested. We have a written sign confession that you've done this before. If you do it twice, that's extra. That is a repeat offense Like this is not.
Speaker 1:Well, he did and he did, and the email saying he's not listening to more of the shows, seriously doubt that I you know, okay, um, I think it's like a thing that he thinks that here's the thing I think it's like gonna be like, oh, I'm not gonna listen to it, and then, like a month from now, he's gonna be like shaking.
Speaker 3:Like I gotta, I gotta hear what they said. I know they talked about me and like you have a whole episode on you. Congrats, you got the attention you wanted. Like do you feel better? You badass, kaylin, you badass, I'm just being real. Thank you for joining.
Speaker 1:Listen, she's only 24, but she's been through some things with relationships lately.
Speaker 3:So she must. No, it's only 24, but she's been through some things with relationships lately. So, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she body's in the same boat. Like this is the year like of a big break. It's like years long somebody I met somebody who just got out of a decade long relationship, two year long relationship. It's like it's oh, it's a weird energy um, that 2025 has, especially since it like really did all start at the beginning of the year and then the rest is just finding yourself and getting back to yourself, and these people aren't making it easier. They're really not.
Speaker 1:I love that you jumped in, thank you. Thank you for that.
Speaker 3:This was good Sitting here this whole time. Let me read the entire email actually Like I'm not going to, but if they let me, I me read the entire email actually like I'm not going to, but they let me, I would.
Speaker 1:You saw my face, yeah which, without reading the entire email. What would you like to share that we haven't shared?
Speaker 3:yet I, um, we already, we already talked about it, you guys already talked about it, but I would like to reiterate taking credit for Shani's glow. Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are that you can take credit for this amazing woman's beauty and presence that can't even be dimmed by you and your efforts? Bro, like, what the heck? Why would you even think that's okay? You and your one date brought her out of the depression. Okay, like, no, like, that's not. That's just not okay.
Speaker 3:Like, like shiny needs a person who is able to respect that and, you know, maybe add to it. But like you got to have your own thing going on. Like you can't be going into people's life and say that's just a guilt trip, right there to be like actually I'm the one. That's a manipulation tactic. Like I, you should be happy because I came around when you were happy, so it must be associated with me. Like you were lucky to even see a glimpse of that. Like, much less take credit for it. Like, come on, um, and to reiterate yes, I'm sure you had a great time. Everyone has a great time with shiny. She's amazing. Like you're there, you're never gonna have a bad conversation with her Again. That's just I understand. I understand the impulse of being like you want more of that because you are an amazing person, that's true, and you're a great conversationalist and you make everybody feel great, and some people don't deserve it, but that's just how good people are. Thank you so much, of course, Love you girl, no problem, someone ghosts you.
Speaker 3:It hurts, just keep going, man. Just keep, just keep it pushing. You thought you had chemistry? Obviously not. Why'd you message him? Why'd you message him after a few days? He was probably obsessive and just like messaging, messaging, messaging, messaging after a few days he was probably obsessive and just like messaging, messaging, messaging, messaging.
Speaker 2:Well, um no, I, I, but I did, I, I did learn that you know you have to block everybody so I mean block somebody who's you know who is, just to end it. So I did learn that and it was a good lesson. It it's not in our character, because we, our generation, didn't do that, because I've even gotten all my kids about you know that kind of stuff, but for this it. It makes a clean break yeah so that is really what I did, but it didn't mean any harm.
Speaker 3:yeah, on the other hand, uh, on the other, like my default is to ghost people, which is not great, but um, I've it's hard because I'm learning that I never had the practice of having the hard conversations. When you have that connection with somebody that doesn't end up going anywhere. So I don't know how to have that conversation and just recently, like I feel like I hurt somebody's feelings because we were doing good, but I'm like I'm realizing that I just want to be friends and I don't know how to say that out loud, so it's a skill literally what you just said.
Speaker 1:Hey, this is. You know, I really like you as a friend. Oh my god, I had many of those conversations growing up I.
Speaker 2:I will say that, uh, if my my, if my memory is is is correct, I actually, after the text that was sent, we he did actually call me and we talked on the phone, so I did have to say it in in words as well. So I, I did, you know I did. It wasn't over text, you know I, so it was both.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know you do not have to explain yourself, yeah and every time you say I made a mistake, he made so many mistakes. You were just fine, you were just putting yourself out there yeah, so we're.
Speaker 2:We're really today's not just about sharing what my story and and giving a little bit of background for it, but it's also a psa to to my, to my friends. Out there are our wonderful loyal listeners that just be careful. Dating is awesome and it can be fun and great, but it also has to be your.
Speaker 1:Your safety matters yeah, I would be the worst dater. I would be the worst dater because, with the confidence and the wisdom that I have today oh, watch out. Like I would have grabbed that boombox and chucked it across the freaking street and hopefully broke into little pieces. That's what I would have done. But that's just me. Yeah, I'm a little feisty.
Speaker 3:Stand in your ground me yeah, I'm a little feisty. Stand in your ground, though. Yeah. I think the only part we haven't talked about I think we talked about and to reiterate, multiple paragraphs 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 paragraphs in this email which is ooh. Paragraphs uh in this email which is oh, um. But I think the only one we haven't talked about is the last one, um, where he's like I would have given her the moon and the stars and through hellfire for her one date, my dude one date, uh, and I just wanted to say I'm not a psychopath or a stalker, I'm a decent guy. Once she said she didn't want to see me anymore, I left her alone. That's what the. When you see that no one's getting back to you after a couple days, that means she doesn't want to see you anymore.
Speaker 2:Just, that's just a heads up, just that's just a heads up and just to reference timing, that date was in February and we are at the end of August.
Speaker 3:No no, no, the email is this week, but like how long ago was the boombox February, oh, that was in February. Yes, oh, and you're still thinking about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, he's listening to us, which we appreciate and listen. I don't want the fact that he emailed me to deter anybody else. Virago247podcast at gmail, because I do love interacting with anybody who's listening. I really want no, I we welcome all feedback, we do, and I love the feedback. So, virago247podcast at gmailcom. If you have any comments, questions, concerns, absolutely, we're here for you.
Speaker 2:You're right.
Speaker 3:You might get an episode. That's another announcement. Yes, yes, you may get your own episode. Yes.
Speaker 2:I think it's fabulous. Yes, please, we encourage feedback. We can, we. We are always growing and learning, and that's what that you know. This is, this is always. It's a life lesson. Thank you so much. Thank you for listening to my um your ted talk and I really want my socials back. So, if instagram and facebook are listening, I didn't do any of the any.
Speaker 1:Anything bad, no and okay, that's another thing, that's another whatever. Before I wrap this up, why wouldn't they do their work like they're just gonna get a? Statement, they flag it and then they check it later, when later it's been a week, check the shit and you see that she doesn't have anything that she's been accused of.
Speaker 3:It's ridiculous they have a whole thing. I mean, I kind of get it, because there is so much bad stuff on Facebook, don't they have a?
Speaker 1:department that works this stuff out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you'll get it back, it's going to be fine.
Speaker 1:You're going to get it back or you'll just start stronger and better. So I thank you, shiny, thank you, kaylin, for giving us your two cents. We appreciate that. Oh, of course, and anything else you want to say before we end this shiny like the sun.
Speaker 2:I was just. I was looking. You know, we always end the our episodes with a, with a beautiful quote, and I immediately was thinking of what we could end it with. And you know, the creep by Radiohead. I'm going to read a few lines. I'm a creep and I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here?
Speaker 2:no, I don't belong here, and I don't care if it hurts, because I want to have control. Oh, I want a perfect body and I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around. You think you're so special. I wish that I was special and you know what.
Speaker 3:They wrote a song about it. They didn't go to somebody's house and play. They put their feelings into art, something productive like get a hobby you know, I wish we had.
Speaker 2:I wish we had a latin response oh my, my God, that'd be so awesome.
Speaker 1:Oh, Kaylin, can you find something real quick that would?
Speaker 3:be actually even better. You're the Latin. Can I quickly get a Latin response? Yes, you can.
Speaker 2:I have one. You do yeah, and I want to say it's one that Gio gave me, but it's actually really good.
Speaker 1:Okay, what is it?
Speaker 2:Can you hear me it? Um, you hear me? Um, this is a. This is uh. This is a quote that I'm borrowing uh, geo loves this one. It's called a more fatay it's. This phrase means embracing everything, the good, the bad, the painful, as necessary parts of your story. It's not just acceptance, it's choosing to love what shaped you. Some things didn't happen to break you. They happened to build you.
Speaker 3:I found one. All right, what's yours? Absent enneria means no offense.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh, kaylin, and we're going to end on that. We're going to end on that. Love you guys. Thanks for being here Until next time. Bye.
