Virago 24/7

Peace Starts Inside

• Lyanette Talley

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What if peace isn’t something we pursue out there, but something we practice inside our own bodies first? We sit down with Barbara With—composer, author, peace activist, and psychic channel—to unpack a down-to-earth process for untangling conflict by separating emotion, intuition, and intellect. Her journey from the stage to “going into the nothing” reveals how creative listening trained her to notice signals most of us ignore, and how strong boundaries keep intuitive work grounded, ethical, and useful.

Barbara walks us through Conflict Revolution, a step-by-step method that starts with breath. Instead of fusing feelings with stories, you move emotion through the body, listen for a small imperative nudge of intuition, then let intellect execute what serves the good of the whole. The result is practical: family tensions soften, workplace stalemates open, and you stop outsourcing your peace to other people’s moods. We explore memorable cases—a 25-year in-law standoff, an estranged parent-child relationship—and the surprising way relationships reorganize when you change the way you treat yourself.

We also dive into Barbara’s collaboration with Einstein, including a “map of human consciousness” and the idea of compassion as a fundamental force. Whether you treat these as hypothesis or metaphor, the takeaway lands the same: inner clarity creates outer change. If you’re wrestling with boundaries, prayer, or being the family “black sheep,” you’ll leave with a simple daily challenge and a hopeful lens on what’s possible when we choose compassion over ego, one baby step at a time.

If this conversation sparked something, follow and share the show, leave a quick review, and invite a friend to try the Conflict Revolution challenge with you. Your next peaceful step starts now.

http://www.barbarawith.com

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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!

Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley


SPEAKER_03:

I'm thrilled to welcome our guest, Barbara Wis. She's an internationally recognized peace activist, an award-winning author, and an intuitive thought leader, whose work bridges science, spirituality, and human consciousness. With 35 plus years of experience in the intuitive arts, Barbara has dedicated her life to fostering compassion, inner transformation, and global peace. Today she's here to share her insights on inner transformation, the nature of conflict, and how each of us can contribute to a more peaceful world, one choice at a time. So let's give a warm welcome to Barbara With. Hi, I am your host, Leonette Halley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warriors, and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world, which are our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships, and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing, everyday warriors. Hello. Where are you in the world? Um, I'm in Georgia. I live in Georgia.

SPEAKER_00:

What part of Georgia?

SPEAKER_03:

I we live north of Atlanta, but we have a condo in Tybee Island, which is outside of Savannah. And so we were here this weekend. So after this recording, we're heading back home.

SPEAKER_00:

I spent the last two winters in Americas.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, nice. Okay, very nice. And you're in Wisconsin?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, right now I'm in Madison, but I live in northern, I live in Matt, Lake Superior on an island.

SPEAKER_03:

Very nice. I've never been in that area. So welcome, Barbara with. How are you?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm I'm excellent. Thank you. And you?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm doing well. It was a nice relaxing um weekend. It was just me and my husband. We have three kids. They're, you know, pretty much independent. So it was nice just to get away.

SPEAKER_00:

Good. Well, it's uh 11 below here, so I'll be happy.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, it's crazy because for us, we only get like maybe one or two months of winter. And so it's in the 20s and we're just freaking out over here, like, oh my gosh, it's so cold. Yeah, we're not used to it. We're not used to it. So, okay, so for those um who are tuning in, this is Barbara With. I did some research on you, and you have a lot of titles, Barbara With.

unknown:

Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_03:

So I read that you're an international peace activist. You're an award-winning author. I think I counted like six books. I don't know if it's more than that. Um, you're a psychic channel with over 38 years of experience in the intuitive arts, an inspirational speaker, a co-founder of Conflict Revolution, which is a revolution revolutionary way to resolve conflict, which I really want to talk about that. And then um I saw that you have a podcast called Let's Ask Barb. So there's a lot of hats that you wear. What let's talk about all your many gifts. How did you get here? Like, let's start from the beginning.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I don't know if you mentioned that I'm a composer and a musician.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm oh, okay, I missed that part. Nice.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's kind of where it started was that I was very young. I started playing piano when I was five. I started writing music when I was 12. And by the time I got out of high school, I went right out on the road. I had two solid sets of original music, and I played for 20 years. And the process of writing music, I used to describe when I was very young, I was going into the nothing and listening for the song that I think was already written. And then I would bring back like four bars of it and play that and get the next four bars, and that kind of set me up for being a psychic channel. Okay. How was that? Well, when I was in high school, I sort of accidentally came across one of my friend's moms, and he was like, You gotta come see what my mom does. It's like, what does your mom do? Well, she was the psychic channel, okay, and she would close her eyes and get out of the way. She had this beautiful picture of Jesus, and she would talk to me like she was in my head, like she had been in my family, which was very traumatic, and gave me just compassionate insights into how to maneuver through these traumas and these excites the excitement of my music growing. And so I grew up with that, knowing what being psychic meant through my work with her. So when I started to quite spontaneously, it was started with writing, I was writing a letter, and my hands got kind of taken over, and all of this beautiful information was coming out, not what I was intending to say. And when that happened, I knew what it was because of years with Eunice, but I was still very surprised. And it was the process of writing music, I believe, in retrospect, that set me up to be able to become this person who could go into the nothing and close my eyes and hear this information and then speak it to whomever was sitting in front of me. And my mentor said she was a giant antenna. So that's how I felt about myself. I wasn't channeling anyone, I was just picking up this information. And so that's kind of how I got started. Wow.

SPEAKER_03:

So you so when you say you sat with her, like do you you hung out with her and and shadowed her, or how does how did that work?

SPEAKER_00:

I had regular readings with her, probably twice a year for about 10 years.

SPEAKER_03:

And that's how you learned and and grew your gift. That's amazing. Now, do you think that was always inside of you and she helped bring that out, or how does that work with these kinds of gifts?

SPEAKER_00:

I think for me it was a destiny. It was part of why I came here and that she was sent to me to help teach me and and keep me on the straight and narrow, as it were, because these gifts are very could be used detrimentally and not to the greatest good. And so there was a whole sort of God thing set up, I think, where I was watched over and trained.

SPEAKER_03:

So, like when people think of psychics, they always think evil or it comes from like the evil realm or evil spirits. How do you feel about that and how do you explain that?

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I was just listening to someone on one of my favorite podcasts talking about how this was all evil, and I think and forgive the analogy, but this is how I feel about it is that guns don't kill people, but people who pick up the gun kill people. Not that I'm, you know, a big gun advocate, but it really that's how it works. And it's the same with being psychic, is that you can be misguided to use it for your selfish purposes. And in that case, you become, I've seen psychics aggrandize themselves because they have this power and people come to them wanting to know the future. People think if they know the future, there's gonna be some magical thing that happens to them, and then they they fill themselves up with that power to be able to say, Well, here's what your future is gonna be. And I I think that is not of the greatest good. I don't know if I would call it evil, but there's also a lot of stuff in the Bible that's been interpreted as far as you know, psychic and tarot cards and we not in the Bible, the Ouija boards, but and and I think there's a lot uh to be said about that, of and there's a good conversation to be had about how we use our gifts. And mine has been just from the beginning, I've been surrounded by compassionate people, I've been trained through my own mistakes, as it were, and then through the work that I eventually did with Einstein to know that we have to all be working for the greatest good, starting with ourselves in in anything that we're doing, but particularly in this. You know, there was a I think it was the Anglican, the Anglican church in England who believed in psychics, and their whole philosophy was they need to be included in the church and watched over by the elders and the the uh people who know because it is such a great gift. So you get all kinds of viewpoints. I love it.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm I'm just fascinated by this. I've I've had some readings and it's it's quite fascinating. Um, you know, because I'm a believer, I you know, believe in God and I have my faith. And I've never thought that it was evil. I always feel like He gives us gifts. And for those that don't understand certain gifts, they want to label it as bad or whatever. So I I I'm fascinated by like the intuition and energy and all of that. Um and I feel like sometimes if we listen, if we sit still and listen, we all have that strong intuition that we normally just ignore. Is it tarot cards that you do, or do you feel like do you feel uh compelled to tell people something? Like if you're like at the store, like how how does your gift work?

SPEAKER_00:

Like the Long Island psychic goes into the meat market to tell the guys. You know, when I started, I started working with uh two women, Kim and Teresa, who were just not non-psychic. And we started to do group channeling. So we'd organize groups in our living room and record them and transcribe them. And during that initial period, I had a lot of information that was coming to me. So for example, I was out on the ski trail one day and I heard this voice say Um a woman, a woman had skied by me and she had a purple jacket on. And the voice said, Tell the woman in the purple jacket that her brother, who is in trouble, everything will be fine in a month. And those kinds of things used to happen to me, and I would immediately say, I am not going up to a stranger and telling, I mean, how am I gonna explain it? And I said, Okay, if I get to the end of the trail and the woman with the purple jacket is there, I'll say something. And I got to the end of it, and it wasn't that woman, but it was two other women, and they both had on purple jackets. So I went up to the one woman and said, Excuse me, you're gonna think I'm a little loopy, but I hear these messages. Do you have a brother? She's like, I do. Is he in trouble? No, he's not in trouble. And the other one said, I have a brother, and he's in trouble because he I just found out that there had been some abuse in my family as a as a child, and he's very angry at me. And this is my birthday, and we're supposed to be skiing, but he's so mad at me right now that he's not here. And I said, Well, I guess in a month if things are gonna even out, and no one has ever, in all of the time that I've done this, said, What are you talking about? They say it would be an answer to a prayer, or I knew it. So I had a lot of that kind of training, but I got to a place where I felt like that's not my job. I'm not here to deliver little messages, which is lovely, you know, if you're distressed with your brother and you have a stranger come up and tell you this. But to me, those kinds of predicting the future things for individuals are a little bit like parlor tricks. Hey, look what I can do. I I have found and was guided on a much bigger mission than that. And so today in my life, I have created a privacy where I don't want to know everything about everyone around me. And if I opened up and tuned in and intended, I probably could, but I don't think that's my job.

SPEAKER_03:

I like that. I have a friend who um, you know, she's just very unassuming and she has that gift, but hers is more going up to people, like how you said. And and I've always asked her, like, how does that feel? She says, you know, the word is given to her, she says it and then she just walks away. And it's not up to her to know what the outcome is gonna be because I'm like nosy. I'm like, I want to know if it's true, what happened, uh, what's the backstory. And she's just it's she just like she she gives it to them and walks away. And and what God does with it is what he does with it. Um exactly. So I love that. I love how everyone finds their what they're meant for. Um, you mentioned Einstein. So I've read a little bit about that. So let's talk about that because everything that I researched about you referred back to Einstein. So I don't even know what questions to ask about that because I don't really, I don't, I don't know. So let's let's get into that.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I'll tell you how I met him. Okay. Okay. So Teresa and Q and I, we call ourselves the psychic sorority. We put out our book, uh, Diaries of a Psychic Sorority. And the basic gist of this book was that these angels suddenly, when we I started channeling and the girl said, Who are you? And they said, Well, we're angels. And I was like, Really? But they said they had this theoretical process that if us humans would first resolve our conflicts within us in this way, that the natural byproduct would be the manifestation of peace around us. And they needed some humans who were having actual conflicts to test their theory on. And apparently the three of us volunteered and were chosen to be those bearers of information. And sure enough, there came a point in our association where we got into conflict, and it kind of grew, and we were all excited about the mission we were on, but you couldn't deny it. Nobody wants to deal with conflict, you know, no one wants to deal with conflict. So we finally we sat down at my dining room table one day and we started out, and I was like, Well, you know, this and this and this, and Kim and this and this. And Kim was like, Yes, but this and Barb and Kim, and so it started to escalate like you would imagine it would. And I said, wait a minute, we just did this session, it was called conflict resolution, but we transcribed it. I said, Let me go get it and let's see what they tell us to do. And the sentence that I read was, if you're emotionally involved in a conflict, the root of your part of it is within you. And that was very profound for me at the time because I was very much a projector and a victim. And when I read it, there was sort of this God moment where we all went, huh? And then this kind of swoosh of oh, and we started crying, and I came back to the table and said, you know what, here's what I can do better. And Kim did the same thing, and we had this miraculous outcome. And I'd never been in a situation with a conflict where we stopped in midstream and we each took responsibility for our part. But what was the most profound was that night I was singing at a club in Minneapolis and there was a waitress there who wanted nothing to do with me, and I didn't care about it. But I walked in that night and she could not get enough. Oh, Barbara, how have you been? And she put$20 in my tip jar and she had to give me these cassette tapes of music she thought I'd like. And the skeptical old me was like, What's going on here? And then I had that aha moment. This is what these angels said. If we first resolve our conflict here, things naturally change around us in ways that we can't go at at the arena that it's being created. So when we published our book, my literary agent got a call from a tabloid in London who was looking for an interview with Princess Diana on the one-year anniversary of her death. And skeptical me said, What? How does that work? What would that be like? And I've never figured that out, but okay, I'll try it. So I sat down and I channeled the questions and the answers, and I read it off and I just wept. It was so beautiful, it was so profound. And of course, she was very much about world peace. Yeah. But, you know, stuff about Harry and William that have since sort of blossomed. And so the tabloid flew me out to New York, didn't want the interview. And my agent and I wrote down a bunch of names. Maybe there's more famous people who want to talk, and I would imagine I'd go to them and it's like Elvis, I get in too much trouble, and Mother Teresa was tired. And the next one was uh Nicole Brown Simpson. Oh wow. Because it had just been a year since the trial. And that was really profound for me to read what she had to say. And along the way, we got to John Kennedy, and he said, at his, among other many things, he said, This isn't your idea. We are a group of souls in afterlife, and we've come together to help you create world peace. And we'll tell you who's next. And Einstein wasn't even on our list. And so when Einstein came up and I closed my eyes and started to channel, it was the voice of all of my readings. And it shocked me. It took me about three years to come to terms with the idea that Einstein had been an angel, one of the angels. And so that's how I got introduced to him. And in that interview, that was my next book, Party of 12 the Afterlife interviews. When 2005 rolled around and it was the hundred-year anniversary of E equals MC squared, I thought, hey, let's just do a little book with Einstein. And um, I had no idea what he was gonna say, I had no anticipation that he say anything. And what he did was, among other mind-blowing things, was he delivered to me a theoretical unified field theory. And what that is, for many who don't know, is that right now in science, there's no one formula that explains how the planets in the macrocosm work in the same way as the molecules in the microcosm. So science has been looking for this unified field, like how do we explain everything since Einstein's time? And so he delivered this theoretical uh theory along with what he called the map of human consciousness, which means that we don't have a physical world unless we're involved in it, unless we as humans are engaged in it. And it's our three human dimensions in this map of human consciousness of emotion, intuition, and intellect that work together in this triangulated fashion that help create the physical world experience that we're having, including our bodies, etc. And one of the most profound things to this day is that he defined compassion, the capital C, we say, as the fifth fundamental force of the universe. That it is the creative intelligence that uses the other four fundamental forces that are found in science to impel the creation of the physical world one step at a time. And that book, Imagining Einstein, is the one that got me invited all over the world to speak and teach and train and share this amazing theoretical scientific information that I, you know, I'm all I want to be was a rock star. Yeah. Like I didn't I didn't know anything about science.

SPEAKER_03:

So that's amazing. Wait, so you didn't know any of this until you is it like a voice that you hear? Is it is it how does that feel like?

SPEAKER_00:

It is, it was, and for that one, what I did was I I held maybe six or seven little groups and channeled. And then one winter I took all of that and I sat down at my computer to edit the book. And then I really felt like he was sitting like right here, and he was, he'd say, I hear this, like, Google black holes. So I like, okay, I don't know, nothing. Take these three terms, lens, observer, and source, which are really terms of a black hole, and put them over here in our map. So it was really painstaking work, and I really had to say, suspend my own belief system to say, okay, so what you're saying, Albert, is that the source of everything is in the center of the earth, it originates. In the center of the planet, and it operates like a black hole. Am I gonna get up on a stage and say this to scientists? They're gonna laugh me off the stage. I have no idea, but I had to trust the process. And just as a sort of a completion of all this, last summer I was invited to speak at a conference in Barcelona called the Science of Consciousness Conference. And it was on the 70th anniversary, almost to the day, of Einstein's actual last manifesto that they read in London in 1955 after he died. And it was a plea to world leaders to resolve your conflicts peacefully because no one will survive World War III. That's what he said in 1955. So when I presented my theory in that conference, I was delightfully shocked when I got to the part about, okay, it's in the center of the earth and it operates like a black hole. And like three people were like, Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03:

And I thought, I'm not alone. Yeah, I'm not alone. How terrifying. So you're just being led and and and you don't know where it's coming from or how you're gonna do it, but you just do it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. I love that. It's scary stuff, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00:

It's scary, but when you when you've been through the byproduct of it, which is so much healing and so much good, and my whole life turned around, and so many incredible things happen every time I teach conflict revolution with people who have been struggling with conflicts forever. And in this moment, it's like we call it the Rolodex effect. Remember the Rolodex card thing? Oh, yeah. Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. You go all the way back to, oh wow, I thought I've seen it this way my whole life, but now I see it this way. How does that change everything that I imagined that I knew? And so there's this great liberation and opening.

SPEAKER_03:

So, how did the um conflict revolution, how did that start? That came after um your book. Um, what was the name of the Einstein? Diaries of a second sorority. So it came after that, or how did that come about?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, actually, um, after we did that with the girl, I did that with the girls, and I was working at a nonprofit, a women's nonprofit in Minneapolis, and I was contracted in the marketing department and in the programs department, and they had been trying to have a trifold marketing piece created for the program department for nine months. There was so much conflict that they couldn't even get a trifold. And because I was in both departments, 15 minutes later, here's your trifold. And I went to the president and said, you know, I have this process, I've never done it before, but would you let me do a staff development with it? And so I developed the first conflict revolution workshop as that. And then I began to train it in as personal empowerment. We had women's women in the trades programs, women coming out of prison who were working on cable and they needed to be trained on anger management and those things. And and then I just started training it on my own, holding workshops and such. And eventually um it got incorporated into my writing. And not too long ago, I finally published the conflict revolution handbook. That's just a little simple thing to watch, walk people through it.

SPEAKER_03:

So, what is the main um focus and then main um theme, topic, or motto of conflict revolution? Like what is it that you're trying to teach?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, we have four pieces that you engage in on it. You wake up in the morning after you say your prayer of gratitude and what have you. And it's that we work with these three human dimensions intellect, intuition, and emotion. And just like the organs of the body, they work together, but they have completely different functions. And so many of us just it's like one big blur. Like, how do you know what your intuition is? And people often think that their emotion are thoughts and their thoughts are emotions. So we begin to teach people these different parts of themselves, and then we have our witness. And the idea is to go about your day from the point of the witness where you're observing the present moment, what's going on, but you're aware of these pieces of yourself. So what's going on emotionally, what's happening in your intellect, what is your intuition telling you? And we teach people how to work with those dimensions sort of in a completely new way that liberate you from that pattern trap. You know, we all have patterns we play out, and oh, I thought I was through this, but it's a way to become aware of them and then know how to break the patterns.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that because I'm trying, I feel like I'm four, I'm 46. I just turned 46 in in November. And I feel like in my 40s, I'm starting to really um try to be more in tune with, like you said earlier, like if there's conflict, what what was my part? What can I control? What did I contribute? How can I move um through these relationships with certain people that, you know, can't just like toss to the side because they're a family member or, you know, whatever the case may be, um, learning to see them for who they are and kind of maneuver through that. And so my conflict has always been within, like, I feel like I have a strong intuition, but sometimes it feels like it's like judgmental, or like you said, is it emotional? How do you know if it's your intuition or if it's just something else, like your humanness um playing a part in how you're feeling and thinking?

SPEAKER_00:

This is one of the greatest things I love about this work is that when you get to know these three parts of yourself and you begin to understand what emotion really is, because a lot of times we have emotion, like let's say we have anger, but then there's intellect, which is a completely different energy, has a completely different function, and there's there's angry thoughts. And what happens generally is the emotion rises up, it triggers the angry thoughts, they mold together, we create the story. Well, it's my mother-in-law who is this, and then you don't know how. So we slow everything down and we first deal with the emotion, which is that every emotion needs to flow through our bodies to be released, otherwise, they get abscessed and they make us sick and affect our perspective. And to do that, we have to separate the emotion from the thoughts. So now when I get triggered into an emotion, my first reaction is to stop and start to breathe and just move it. Don't try to analyze it. I don't try to figure out where it came from. Doesn't mean my thoughts aren't running rampant, but this witness is able to, like a witness in a trial, who can change the whole course of the trial. You can witness yourself and say, wait a minute, I'm gonna empty out some of this emotion because we don't know. Is it something you saved up since childhood and all those patterns? Is it a past life emotion? Is it the whole body of earth because we are all one? It doesn't matter. If it's in your body, we use our breath to move it and breathe it. And it's so amazing how quickly you can dispel a conflict, begin when you do that, when you take the emotional charge out of it, not by pushing it away, but by consciously and intending to redirect it as a flow through your breath. And as you do that, it's sort of like, you know, when emotion hits intellect and your intuition is in the middle of it, you can't figure out what it is. So intuition is a small impelling, whether it's a statement or you know, we have it in different ways, you know, chicken skin or you just know what to do, to take the next most advantageous step for the good of whatever the whole situation is. That's what intuition is meant to be. And when that impelling comes, it's not about describing it, it's not about rationalizing it, it's an imperative statement, which means it's taking telling you to take action, stop and breathe, back up, turn left. Oh, I can't turn left, I'll go the wrong way. Yes. And you start to break them apart and experience them individually, and what you begin to see is that the intellect and the ego, which is contained in the intellect, has been given the power by God to say no to intuition, which to me is the voice of God within me.

SPEAKER_03:

I and it I'm laughing because I I completely understand what you're saying, because that's exactly what I struggle with. Yes, yes. So intuition is God's voice, is what you just said. And yeah, the intellect.

SPEAKER_00:

We don't, our ego won't know what's for the good of the whole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, the intellect and it conflicts all the time. It's just always just, and then I call it my humanness. My humanness wants to just do this, and then this over here, it's like saying no, and um baby steps. I've I've grown a lot, I've grown a lot throughout the years, and I just want to continue to grow and understand that part of it because right now that's where my struggle is. Like anytime I get frustrated, it's because those things are fighting within me, and I understand. I just don't know which is which, which one do I listen to, which one do I follow?

SPEAKER_00:

Feel that impelling in your heart region that's gonna tell you to take a baby step. In fact, is in fact we think intuition is gonna tell us what's gonna happen next week, but it's about what's that step right now. And the other piece of this is that when the intellect gets and the ego gets all kind of bent out of shape because you know, she disrespected me. I'm not gonna stop and forgive her. She disrespect. Then we find a sound bite, a little sound bite, because the intellect can go on and on and on and on about okay, what's your beef with her? Well, she disrespected me, she disrespected my time. Okay, now let's revolve that. Where are you disrespecting your time? Where are you disrespecting maybe not her? Maybe you've been nothing but kind and you get frustrated, but you're still not gonna react. But maybe it's over here where you're you've been treating somebody else poorly, but most of the time, this is my theory after all these years, is that this is about our relationship to ourselves. And how many times does our intuition say no? And our ego goes, Oh, yes. Yep, all the time. The source, uh, Einstein says, of all the conflicts that manifest in the world, from the smallest to the largest, where we disregard our intuition and act on behalf of the ego.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yes. Okay, I get it. I get it. You've described it perfectly. I completely understand. And I think the frustrating part is having this conversation with you. Um, I and like us, you know, if we got into conflict, we probably could figure it out. How do you deal with people that aren't that don't understand any of what we just said because it's not even on their radar because ego is what is gonna drive them? How do you interact with those kind of people? Especially if they're like in your in your you know, family or the world you can't walk away from. Yes. I mean, you could, but you know, you can't, you know, you know what I'm saying. So how do you how do you deal with that?

SPEAKER_00:

And that's the absolute genius of conflict revolution is this is what we do first and foremost with ourselves. So in the case of our first conflict, where I went to work that day, and it's like, why is this woman being so kind to me? But this is an example. I had a client in Norway, and she had her beef was with her mother-in-law, and she was Barbados from Barbados, married to a Norwegian, and she her sound bite was my mother-in-law wants to deport me. So think about she and she at 25 years she's had this conflict. My mother-in-law has wanted to deport me for 25 years. So think of what she's thinking about her mother-in-law, how you know her mind is creating all these stories. So we get to the process and she's figuring it out, and she looks at me and she goes, You know how this is gonna end, don't you? And I said, Well, yeah, but not because I'm some great psychic, but because it's a formula. So when we revolve it around to say, Okay, so how are you gonna revolve that? She wants to deport you, you want to deport yourself. And her eyes got big and teary, and she said, I'm so homesick. I said, Well, why don't you go back to Barbados? Oh, I can't, you know, the children and my husband. And I'm thinking to myself, well, she's got like a three-month-old and a you know, nine-month-old. And I was like, Well, how old are your kids? And she goes, 14 and 17. I said, and your husband? I mean, he makes a lot of money. Oh, yeah, yeah, we're millionaires. What lie are you telling you yourself? What codepellant lie are you telling yourself? And when she had that aha moment, she came back the next day and she said, Barbara, I have re-evaluated 25 years of what I have thought my mother-in-law was. And now that I know it's not, suddenly they have a whole different relationship. Really? And what we see is either the person rises to the occasion, sort of like the waitress, or they disappear. You just become a part of your life. And when you get it and you react to them differently, and suddenly you're not sitting around at the family table in internalizing, well, you know, hmm, you know, maybe politically or whatever. Well, you're not thinking that. You have a whole different inner life where you're you're taking care of yourself, and suddenly no one can really get to you but you, and you're seeing that person differently, they're responding to you differently. It's a really powerful kind of magical dynamic that happens. I love that. It's hard. And I want to challenge you to do it, and then I want to find out what happens.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I I I feel like I kind of um, if you know, for those who've listened to like a lot of my stories and and podcast episodes, you know, a lot of my um inner conflict came from uh being a part of a blended family. And so I didn't get it, I didn't really connect with my stepmom. And she just passed away last year, and so she has a daughter that's from a previous relationship. And but we all grew up as siblings from a very young age. And so just maneuvering through through that world since elementary school, I've been a part of, you know, they they were my parents, my it was my dad and and her that married. And I did that with her before she passed away. I I I I did, and you're right, she she did respond differently. But also, I feel like I became like a black sheep where it's like I'm the one that vocalizes the like this is not normal, this is not okay, this is not right. And and so I've had to deal with a lot of um, you know, just getting rid of a lot of that stuff and not caring what people think. That part has been really, really hard because you know they're over there talking about you. Oh, she's not this anymore and she's not that anymore. Cause I don't really, I mean, I was part of the problem, to be honest. I was part of the problem for for many years. So I understand what you say is you can only control yourself, but man, is that tough? It's that's everyone thinks it's easier said than done, and it is, but it it's possible. So now she's passed away, and I feel like she passed past um, she passed on the torch to my sister, my stepsister. And so now we're dealing with that. And it's like um trying to figure out that dynamic now.

SPEAKER_00:

Cause well, you know, and those voices, we call them the voices of culture that we grow up in. You know, my father always always telling me, if it wasn't for you, I'd be happy. So I had these voices in my head programmed without knowing that I would take those into the world and be reacting in that codependent way. And when I stopped and turned to myself, found those voices in my head and changed them into the voices of compassion and love for myself, taking care of myself first, that detaches. Then somebody can be doing those things. And trust me, black sheep all the way. And uh particularly, um, I'm an investigative reporter. And in the past 10 years, I've I've been ostracized by everybody on every side. But when we know inside ourselves and we're responsible and taking responsibility for our own thought processes, um things we detach then from the sister, stepsister, what have you. And when you truly have resolved those voices in your head that say, Well, you're the black sheep and you're not good enough, and you change them to, wait a minute, I am really, I am good enough, and empty out. There's a whole new world that opens up. I just had a client in a class whose daughter was estranged from her. She didn't want anything to do with her mother. And this woman was a lawyer, very high-powered lawyer, and we got halfway through the class and it came out that she really didn't want to be a lawyer anymore, but she was driving herself. And then there came a day where she said, you know, I found by doing this work, I listened to myself talk to this five-year-old child within me just hatefully. I had no idea unless I would have stopped and looked to see how mean I am to my own inner child. And I made steps to turn that into compassion and embrace the child. Shortly after that, her daughter called. Oh wow. And at the end of the class, she had decided to quit being a lawyer. And when I heard from her after Christmas, she said her daughter wanted to spend all this time with her, just out of the blue, came out and they're having this completely new relationship. So we have that power. We just don't think that we do, I think.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Do you also believe though, with that power, like God removes people from your life, no matter the who they are? Yes. Okay, okay. I do too. I just wanted to see if I was on an island by myself. So that's the other thing. It's like, Lord, um, you know, I I do a lot of praying. I do a lot of praying because, you know, when you get into a space like this where you're more aware of feelings, emotions, intuition, God, all the things, the universe, energy, um, you want to do right by it. You wanna, it's, it's, it's one of those things where your eyes are open and you have this wisdom. I mean, I'm not trying to say that I have all this wisdom because I feel like it keeps growing every day, but but it's more clarity. But also, we're still humans. So even though you have that clarity, you still are in conflict with emotions and feelings and all of that. But um I I found that if I just pray, he removes those that aren't meant to be. And these are like friendships from like years and years and years where he just suddenly just removes them and you're like, wait a minute, was it all a lie? Or what do you feel about that? Do you feel about you know, seasons of people coming into your life? And and even if it's just for that moment, how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_00:

I I think we attract to us the people who are going to teach us and reflect us. So yeah, as long as I had all these judgmental thoughts in my head about me without realizing it was about me, I was attracting people who were also judgmental of me. So when I stop being a judgmental of myself, and there's this sort of humility you're talking about that we have when we pray and say, I do the same thing. It's like God, you know, make me the highest good and give me clarity for what is for the good of the whole. And I think then we stop to attract those people. And as we grow, because we're always growing, all the time we're growing and learning. And once baby step at a time, he removes the people who are judgmental when we stop being judgmental.

SPEAKER_03:

I've noticed that. That's very powerful. That part is powerful. Um, it doesn't always feel good when it's happening, but once you're away from it, you're you're like, okay, I see what he was doing.

SPEAKER_00:

It's the hardest work we could ever do. Yeah. I'm convinced. It's why the world is like it is, because nobody wants to do this.

SPEAKER_03:

Exactly. That's the truth. So, what kind of impact do you feel like? um that you believe you can be teaching the world during um through this conflict revolution?

SPEAKER_00:

I think it's the answer. I think it's the only way we're gonna have peace on earth. It has to stop. It has to start with every single individual looking at their impact first and foremost on them, stopping being a victim and blaming other people and then turning to the world and having this intention to work for the greatest good. And when we start and take care of ourselves, that's the other thing people don't take care of themselves. They're looking for other people to take care of them and then they're blaming other people. But when we stop and do it and create this this condition within us of love and this unconditional love that gets filled I think God is love. Yeah then things change around us without us even going at them at that level that they're being created as Einstein said. And so that's my that's been my mission. I think in it was July of 2023 I left my life behind to be this uh take this mission that I've been doing for decades into the world because things appear to be getting worse and worse and worse. Yeah. But I find also as things get worse and it's just like you know you get into a crisis and you're forced to have to change I think that's what's happening to the world and I'm seeing more and more people opening up and realizing that okay it's got to start with me.

SPEAKER_03:

So do you believe that there could be a turnaround? There's a lot of people in this world and there's a lot of people that don't really care about how they're affecting other people. So do you believe that that is a possibility?

SPEAKER_00:

I I think we already are okay I think that this world would be long gone if it wasn't for those of us with compassion who are working for the good of it. And while it looks chaotic, you know my life looked pretty chaotic too as I was going through the transformation and some days I thought I'm not gonna make it but we just keep doing it dedicated to love and compassion and aligning and being the change starting with our small universe and you start to see the changes in your small universe one by one. And then I think there's this new world of children coming in that are going to have a whole different sensibility that quite naturally because of this I'm very optimistic.

SPEAKER_03:

That's so good to hear. And I do see it in like I have three kids one's uh 24 a son that's about to be 18 and then my youngest is 15. And like with her and her friend group you do see a lot more compassion. You feel um there's certain things that there's just like no nonsense with them. And even though they're so young like I can already see these um strong personalities like they're convicted in certain things um in their own little world you know it's like ah we're not gonna hang out with so and so because he's bad influencer you know just little things like that not getting sucked into um peer pressure a lot of them are sure of who they are and it's actually very refreshing and I don't know how. I was like I look at them and I'm like at that age I was so insecure I had no clue. Good for you. You guys are starting early I love that I love it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah it's a God thing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah it is it is um is there anything else you would love to share because I I could talk about being a sidekick all day long and asking more questions.

SPEAKER_00:

Is there anything else that you are um in the process of doing that you would like to share with with us well I have a conflict revolution challenge on my website at barbarowith.com and if you go to my website and click on the upper right hand corner you can download a little instructions about how to do it and then there's a workbook that you every day we give you a different thing to be aware of and that you can begin to practice it and you can begin to notate the changes that start to happen in your in your microcosm of your world and that's that's what I want to encourage people to do. And even if you don't do that but you hear this and like you said it makes so much sense right you just never thought of it this way even if you just change your thinking and change your relationship to yourself and start to take care of your own needs there's gonna be a huge huge shift so that's kind of my mission these days. I love it.

SPEAKER_03:

I love it I'm gonna go I'm gonna I'm gonna start doing it because I already sit and and journal and all of that because I do want to be a better version of myself every single year every you know year after year. So I I love that. So it's uh barbawith.com you said yes and if anybody wants to have a reading if you use the coupon code Einstein you'll get half off okay and you just do everything on the website yeah okay I'm gonna I'm gonna reach out to you because I really want a reading I I want to see where where I am today because my last reading was a while ago what was that you'll bloom I think so I think so I appreciate you being on with me Barbara well thank you for having me and I'm gonna reach out for sure because I I really want a reading and I want to be a part of this revolution great I'm so excited thank you for being on and we'll uh talk to you soon bye bye all right bye bye I'm gonna leave you all with this I owe no one my peace their moods are not my responsibility I choose calm I choose clarity I choose myself I do not react I do not chase I do not explain I stay grounded steady and unbothered their chaos is theirs my peace is mine thank you so much for listening to Virago247 if you haven't done so already go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings also don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Virago24 underscore seven and on Facebook at Virago24 slash seven and just connect with us and share your story we'd love to hear from you

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Lyanette Talley

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