Professional change can be as extreme as leaving a job or retiring from a career, but it also can be seemingly subtle like transitioning back from vacation, or transitioning between communicating with different people at work.
This week I get to interview author Cheryl Benedict to discuss the phases of transition in our professional lives and how we can take time to really understand those changes, how they impact us, and how we can move through the in-between zone to arrive at transformation on the other side. Cheryl's new book The Wisdom of Transition outlines 8 different types of transition we may face in our professional lives, and provides strategies to help us navigate the change process. We discuss:
Cheryl also offers Gems of Wisdom and a Change and Transition Model downloadable handout on her site.
Professional change can be as extreme as leaving a job or retiring from a career, but it also can be seemingly subtle like transitioning back from vacation, or transitioning between communicating with different people at work.
This week I get to interview author Cheryl Benedict to discuss the phases of transition in our professional lives and how we can take time to really understand those changes, how they impact us, and how we can move through the in-between zone to arrive at transformation on the other side. Cheryl's new book The Wisdom of Transition outlines 8 different types of transition we may face in our professional lives, and provides strategies to help us navigate the change process. We discuss:
Cheryl also offers Gems of Wisdom and a Change and Transition Model downloadable handout on her site.
Colleen Stanevich 0:00
Welcome to My Innermission, a podcast conversation about the transitions and changes we face in life, and the strategies and approaches that support us and taking the next step in our journey. I'm your host Colleen Stanevich. My guest today is Cheryl Benedict. Cheryl has been a student of transition since she was five when she navigated the emotional pain of not really feeling like she had a home, rather having to bounce back and forth between two homes after her parents got a divorce. 24 years ago, she created the earth School, which stands for the essential arts for remembering the heart, a rites of passage program for kids aged 10 to 12 that she created with 12 teenagers based on what they wish they would have had emotionally, psychologically, physically, mentally and spiritually as they navigated the transition from childhood adolescence. Those teens nominated her for Oprah Winfrey's using your life award. After Earth school, Cheryl was a career counselor where she helped hundreds of clients deal with the emotional impact of losing their job, healing their self esteem, and gathering the courage to find a new job. For the past 15 years, Cheryl has been a business owner, leadership consultant and executive coach. She is the recent winner of the sabba the sound advice Book Award, Best New author of 2020 audiences award. Her book, the wisdom of transition, navigating change at work, offers guidance, strategy and empathy for people stepping into different types of change within themselves and their professional worlds. Cheryl, thanks so much for joining me today on My Innermission. I can't wait to talk about your book. But first, let's talk about a life change that brought you to where you are today.
Unknown Speaker 1:42
I'd love to. I would say that the most significant life change that I've ever had occurred when I was 15. And I would say that I was a fairly typically absorbed, self-absorbed teen who focused pretty much only on me and mine. But I had a grandfather Philip Bohai, who was the local Methodist minister and he was renowned for being the kindest, most decent person I'd ever met. He would, when I was with him, he would stop the car to pick up somebody who was walking alongside the road. I remember we go out to breakfast, and he would rave about the pancakes to the waitress and, and he would even get tickets for driving too slow on the freeway. Anyway, I just loved him and I loved what an influence he was in my life and what an influence he was with his congregation. So when he passed away when I was 15. It was such an epic loss for me that I feel like it turned my life around. And when it came time to plan the funeral service, I asked my family I said, I know I'm only 15 years old. But can I officiate at grandpa's funeral? And they said, seriously, you want to do that? I said, I so want to do it. I feel called to it. I feel like it's mine to do and God bless them. They said yes. So I invited my best friend Steve to play the guitar, you've got a friend, lean on me. And it was when I was basically up there in front of the 1000 or so congregants that I thought this is what I want my life to be about. Not necessarily ministry, but just serving others.
Colleen Stanevich 3:37
Well, it's interesting that the personal change and the grief of losing him then led you to thinking about personal exploration as well. So in thinking about that, that change process from there, tell us more about your background in terms of helping people navigate change.
Unknown Speaker 3:56
When I think probably the degrees I got helped, I mean, I couldn't decide between the two. So I got one in communications and one in psychology. But the thing that I think what it were really catalyzed for me was when I felt like there was an unmet segment of society, namely kids aged 10 to 12, as they were navigating their transition into adolescence, and I felt like we were providing nothing as a society to help with that. And so I decided, you know what, I'm going to move back home. I'm going to start a 501 c three, which is no small endeavor. And I'm going to meet with 12, slightly older teens aged 14 to 16. and asked them, What was it like for you, when you met went through that transition? What was it like for you emotionally, psychologically, mentally, physically, spiritually? And if you could create any kind of curriculum for slightly younger kids, what would it be? So together, we created a 501C3, they were my team leaders. They helped deliver some of The curriculum, because I felt like, Well, I'll tell you what happened. It was when I was meeting with a girlfriend of mine. And she said, laughingly, I told my, my daughter who just turned 13 Call me when you turn 20. And I thought she's kidding. But what a horrible thing to say to your daughter, like, I'm going to abandon you for the, for these years. Good luck with that. So I thought, I wonder if I could create some sort of Rites of Passage program that would deal with all of that, the epic kinds of change that happens when your body is changing, and hormones are raging and, and if I could instill something about change and transition within that community, maybe, maybe they would grow up to be adults, that they really knew how to do it. So that's pretty much what began, I think, my work in this in this realm.
Colleen Stanevich 5:58
That's wonderful. So let's dig into your book, because this is your latest work around transition. In this book, The Wisdom of Transition, it's really focused on changes in people's professional life. But it approaches change as a journey. And so can you give us a little insight into what what you envision or how you name that journey of change?
Unknown Speaker 6:24
I'd love to. So I language change as being something that happens to us externally. It's an external, external event, and then transition, which the book is all about, is that internal, psychological, emotional process that we all go through, as a result of the change. So change always begins with an ending, things will never be the same again, I will never be the same again. And predictably, when you're in the midst of an ending, all of the emotions that you would predict would ensue, like shock, denial, anger, blame, worry, and sadness. And then I've noticed over the 30 years of working with clients in this that we we have to wrestle with, do I resist this change? Or can I accept it, and to accept, it doesn't have to mean we like it, or that we welcomed it, but rather, we've made peace with it. And I think once we can make peace with it, there's a tremendous amount of internal resources that issue forth, that support us on moving then back up the change and transition process through exploration, insight, discovery, new purpose, and then back to the new beginning. So to me, I just have observed this over and over again, both with the kids at Earth School, which was a nonprofit that I had with clients who had lost their job, and they were dealing with trying to pick their self esteem up off the curb, and try to get it together to find a job with the clients I've worked with the last 15 years. As a leadership consultant and executive coach, it seems that all of us go through that, to some degree. When there's a major change that's that is thrust upon us that we didn't actually asked for, or want.
Colleen Stanevich 8:22
Well, I love that idea, too, that we have an opportunity to accept or resist. When you've worked with people who have chosen the path of resistance. What do you notice about people who have chosen the path of resistance?
Unknown Speaker 8:36
I would say they get stuck. I would say they get stuck. I would say they get stuck in getting retriggered into being shocked again, and then angry again, and then needing to vilify someone or blame someone, or cast aspersions, or endlessly worrying about worst case scenarios. I think they get stuck on the left hand side of the model, and they can't move. And and that's why I'm such a hearty proponent of acceptance. Because I think that's what gives us the and the firepower to move up out of the in between zone up into the new beginning.
Colleen Stanevich 9:20
Yeah, and I also appreciate that acceptance doesn't mean that we're, we're fully embracing it and excited about it, it is just that part of it that we're, we recognize that we have to go through. The other thing that I really appreciated about this book is that it names eight different artwork, transitions that happen in our professional lives, but they are on different scales, and really different types of transitions. So can you just give us an overview of those eight different types and why
Unknown Speaker 9:49
Aren't they aren't they? Sort of bizarre. I mean, the first one is transitioning to a new leader. In my work as a leadership consultant. I'm always helping people Get their arms around having a new leader, whether it's somebody who's at the helm of an entire organization, or the new leader of a team. So that was the first one that I, I lead with. And I think I've got a pretty cool story about that, then then, which would seem complete completely off the reservation, I talk about deep work, which is the transition away from that kind of, boom, boom, boom, constantly being stimulated. with phone calls, emails, texts, I describe it as being in warrior mode, deep work is when we have to detach from all that and create a protected safeguarded space of maybe two hours, three hours that afternoon or a day to go in, and do the deeper complex problem solving, where we really access our entire self, our intellect, too often to solve complex problems, to, to vision to get above it, or below it, or around it. So I talk a lot about deep work. And, and I think that's a huge transition to intentionally turn off all of the media stimulation, to go there. Yeah. And then transitioning into a new role or a new job. what that entails, I love this story of, of a president ceo that I work with, and, and and how he transitioned into that, because I think it's a really big deal. When we're when we're doing that, and being aware of our body language as we walk down the hall, how we're communicating, not even by communicating, but people will get our cues from us, and then transitioning into losing a promotion. making the decision Wow, wow, do I do I stay? Or do I go? Or maybe even asking the very self penetrating questions? Hmm. Is there a reason why I wasn't promoted? Might there be some deeper self reflection that I can do? So that I'm truly ready next time? And then the one that I'm sure you're talking about that would seem really strange is transitioning during a commute? How in the world that I come up with that? You know, I mean, we haven't done a lot of that during COVID. But that I talked about how I think we vilify commuting. And I actually think it's an opportunity to go from doing to being and from action to reflection, we can think about our day, sometimes it's the only time we have to be by ourselves to reflect on. Ooh, that meeting with Mary, that was bizarre, let me unpack that. So I think I think commuting done right can be a marvelous way to shift from being at home to work. And then and then also back. And then I talk about transitioning into new interactions with people, the most of us do it without a thought. But moving from communicating to one person or another. Another involves a lot of, I think, self awareness, and emotional intelligence, to just pause, say, wait a minute, how am I with Colleen? And how is it different than I am with Joyce? And in what aspect of me gets drawn forth? When I'm with Colleen versus Joyce? And, and just to be mindful of that? And then transitioning to and from vacations. I mean, I've I've had so many people tell me, Cheryl, I need a vacation. After the vacation. It was so crazy, so frenetic, so much fun. But Whoa, I need time just just to reflecting it back into the space of work and, and quite possibly work is changed while you were away. And Megan may have had to hand it off a project that you've been working on for months to somebody else and the fear of Wow, is that going to be okay. And then finally, I tell the story of Ralph, transitioning into retirement. And that's actually a big deal. Because I think that a lot of leaders that I work with who transition into retirement don't have a clue.
Unknown Speaker 14:19
Like they think I'm just gonna ride off into the sunset and golf every day. And for leaders who have been high powered, and really making a contribution to suddenly try to turn that off, is the kiss of death. I mean, that literally. So when I work with people on that one, I make sure that all the things that made them such an enigmatic leader, all of those leadership qualities continue in some form or fashion like if their number one, leadership quality is the love of taking initiative, then how can they continue to do that away from work so that they continue to feel jazzed about the contrary They're making. Yeah, so those are the eight.
Colleen Stanevich 15:04
And the eight. I mean, at a glance, they feel so very different in so many ways. And I appreciate that some of them are, you know, daily routines and practices that can shift. Some of them are the changes that we might face over the course of a year, like as we go on vacations and come back, and sometimes or over the course of a professional trajectory, like retirement. And so it's changed on so many different levels, and in so many different types of our life. What are the similarities that you see in people going through all those different types of changes?
Unknown Speaker 15:38
I would say that the thing that they all have in common is the heightened need for self awareness. Because when you're going through all of these transitions, if you're doing it unconsciously, you may not be able to harvest them for the meaning that's present.
Colleen Stanevich 15:55
It well, and I think some of them, as you said, people have preconceived notions about what retirement will be. But I also think something like what a commute is, or what vacation would all be like on the other side of vacation. I think there are some faulty assumptions we make about like, Oh, yeah, and I'll go on vacation, and I'll be rested and rejuvenated. And I'll just step right back into work. And so that that makes a lot of sense to me that idea of self awareness and self reflection that we have to question who who we are, at each of those moments, no matter how small or how large that. So phase one of your book, you have your book divided into phases. And phase one of the journey is all about entering transition and naming that changes upon you. And so that's either by choice or it's thrust upon you. But I really want to focus with you on phase two, because that's where we step into the in between zone. So the changes there. And this is where you do a lot of work examining ourselves, our identities, our behaviors, our patterns. And one of the first things you talk about in this book in that phase is about creating a safe place. Why is that so foundational to this in between zone and beginning that transformation journey?
Unknown Speaker 17:11
I believe that there's a need for having a designated safe place that's familiar, that is unchanging, that you can return to time and time again, amidst turbulent change, to have a favorite chair, or a place that on your deck, if it's nice, or even going to your car, if your house is full of screaming children, and mayhem, having some place of physical place where you can go and just be present with your feelings, and be present with what you're going through and allow yourself to feel everything that's that's bubbling up. Because I truly believe that if you're like me, you'll mostly repress all of the emotional content throughout the day largely to muscle up and, and, and make your way through. But it's in those quiet moments that we can carve out for ourselves, where we can really say, hey, how am I doing? Why am I still so upset about that conversation that that happened today? What's up with that? Why am I so mad? Oh, my God, why am I so mad? And I've come to believe that if we have a safe place, we can ask the question. And then those emotions that are truly allies and advocates and that will share with us wisdom that lies just below the surface of our awareness. If we can pause long enough, and ask, they will tell us. Well, honey, you feel really mad. Because that was a boundary infraction, she stepped over the line, or that person was being passive aggressive. That's the perfectly appropriate response to have for that. You don't need to express anger to them, but just registering it. And feeling it allows allows us to feel whole. So I talk about having a physical safe place. But I also talk about what happens if you don't have one. I mean, when I moved to Ireland in my 20s I was at the hotel Kay Dean, my then husband went downstairs to the lobby. I was exhausted, home sick, jet lagged, turned on the TV for comfort. Couldn't find a flipping thing that I recognized when to order room service didn't recognize any of the food. And I just thought oh man, Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore. I thought that was funny. Because I was in Kansas City. So I thought okay, time before I head into a full on panic attack, how can I create a feeling of safety in a completely foreign environment? How can I create that for myself. And I would call that more like a safe space. And I had an affirmation that my mom and stepdad and I had memorized back when I was a kid, that we would theatrically proclaim to each other as we were getting dressed in the morning for school or work. And I just said that to myself. And I was remembering how much fun it was. Because Mack was in community theater. And my mom was the high school drama coach. I mean, they really put their whole selves in. So I was proclaiming that affirmation to me, and I was giggling at how much fun they were. And before I knew it, it felt like that hotel room was home, even though it was a gazillion miles away from Kansas City, Missouri.
Colleen Stanevich 21:01
That I love. I love that story. And I think that that speaks to the power of having, yes, having a physical safe space. But that that is not always feasible or not always accessible for a variety of reasons. So how, how would you suggest others help to create their internal safe space? So kind of stepping back for a moment and getting a little a little meta about how you went about doing that you name some of the things that you did, but how would you help others cultivate that internal safe?
Unknown Speaker 21:31
Gosh, there's so many tools that I've, that I've probably used since I was a teenager. One is to create a vision board, I've got one right here on my wall that I absolutely love that's full of images and words, that connote what I want to manifest in the world and, and what really represents my highest and best self, and I'll spend time just moving my attention into them. It's like, oh, gosh, I remember who I am now. The one I mentioned is affirmations, I, I probably have 100 affirmations that I could come up with at any given time. So even having them on post it notes, everywhere you can see them, where when you temporarily forget that you're okay, you can read that and go oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. That's the truth of who I am. Or what I'm going through, I would say having designated replenishing rituals that you can do throughout the day that bring you to a place of peace, and back to a place of feeling present, identifying what those are building them specifically into your calendar. For me, my face in the sun, drinking in the vitamin D, and just really imagining that I'm filling, all of my energy centers with light will do that, for me probably in about three or four minutes. I think there's so many ways, I mean, I spend three chapters in the book talking about how to navigate the in between zone. We could spend four hours on that. But those are, those are some of the ones that that are my that are in my toolkit that I'll pull from every day. And deep heart centered breathing. That's another one. I think heartmath does a particularly good job of the quick coherence technique where you're feeling frazzled and frustrated and stressed to just slowly start to breathe in and out of your heart more deeply, and more slowly than you typically would. And when you're there to imagine someone or something that you really appreciate, and allow that feeling of appreciation as you're breathing, to just grow larger and more present. And that will switch us from the brain to the heart centered thinking and that works, and that they've got that on the website is something that everybody could access.
Colleen Stanevich 24:10
Part of what I think was so compelling to you about creating that safe space is that in sitting in that in between zone, it is not always a comfortable place to sit. In fact, it shouldn't be a comfortable place to sit. And so it brings up hard emotions like anger and grief and sadness and loss. You talk about being intentional around realistic optimism. And I really appreciate that term. But But define that for us. What is realistic optimism and why is it so important to hold on to in this moment?
Unknown Speaker 24:44
So realistic optimism, so I got certified as a positive psychology and positive psychology for coaches. We talked a lot about realistic optimism. I would say that the real realistic optimist is a sense of buoyancy, that everything will be okay. I'm okay. Everything is gonna be okay. All as well. But it's not this blindly optimistic kind of thing. It's more a sense of, you know what I have analyzed the pitfalls, I am really clear about what I'm up against. There's no heightened, naive attai. Present. I understand where I am, I understand what I'm up against. But I am making a decision to rest in this buoyant sense of, I'm okay, no matter what. And it's not. It's not blind. It's aware, it's awake, it's realistic,
Colleen Stanevich 25:45
And is holding on to that optimism, that moment of I'm okay, no matter what. I think there can be two different ways to interpret that. One is I'm feeling really angry or very sad right now. And I'm okay. Feeling those things. The optimism for me always feels like it's looking ahead, too. So the other way I could interpret that is, I'm feeling very angry and sad, or feeling a sense of loss right now. And I will be okay. There's a little bit of forward thinking with the term optimism too. So is it a, is it an either or is it a both in terms of your approach to real estate?
Unknown Speaker 26:22
Yeah, that's a great distinction. Both?
Colleen Stanevich 26:25
Yeah. Because I think one of the hardest things of sitting there is is and I think this has some societal, cultural and even gender pieces to it. But that idea of I'm angry, and that's okay. I think that that is a hard part to sit with to to just recognize that it is okay to feel all those emotions. And we won't always feel that way. But it is important to go through them again, instead of the past.
Unknown Speaker 26:49
Well, I've spent years maybe you could even say decades, trying not to vilify emotions. I grew up with a very stoic German dad who thought that emotions were strictly verboten. And I experienced a lot of shame from him a lot of public humiliation for ever, conveying a feeling that he felt like was slightly taboo. So when I went to Ireland, I had three whole years that I couldn't work, because I didn't have a green card. And I spent those three years attempting to heal my emotional body. And I I went for it, I truly did. I wish we had one of these great big clawfoot tubs that I would fill with hot water soaked with Epsom salts. And I would imagine a feeling dropping into the top of my head, I would allow it to float all the way down my body, I would see if I could connect with any situations that matched that feeling. And then I would pull the plug, you know, that second noise. I would imagine that that all of the negative connotations connected to that feeling were going down the drain. I did that Monday through Friday, for weeks, and months to really attempt to heal my emotions. And so I've come to the place, thank God, where when there's an emotion, I don't automatically reject it. I don't automatically repress it. I don't automatically disassociate. I might say, okay, honey, right now, it's not appropriate for me to feel this. Can I just park this until we commute? Or Park this until I get to my safe place. But I found that every single emotion tells me something about myself even jealousy. Like I would find myself feeling jealousy. And I used to feel so much shame for that. But then I thought, Wait a minute. Jealousy is actually a gift. Because it's telling me, ooh, we want that. We want to be just like her. So rather than shaming myself for pining for that, why can't I say Ooh, how exciting. That's something for us to aspire to. So this has been the lifelong quest for me to to love myself in the midst of feeling emotions, that before I would have vilified and made the bad guy.
Colleen Stanevich 29:22
So you do as you said, You spend a lot of time really talking about that in between zone and the strategies to help people in that in between zone which, which is where some of the really deep work happens and transformation. The last phase then is moving to insight and transformation. One of the things I really appreciate again, is that you you talk about just finding that balance and integration but it's a spirit of and the journey continues that there's not the destination of transformation like Whoo, I've arrived and I'm done. But that the journey continues with that I was speaking with someone the other day who was saying that, you know, sometimes when you're going through the transformation process, you don't recognize some of the lessons learned in the moment. And so in your work with people as they've gone through these different phases, how do you help them in that, in that last phase capture some of the lessons learned or insights that they've had, as they emerge and field transformed?
Unknown Speaker 30:24
I would say that that journaling is an incredible way of doing that, to keep track of how you are once you've been able to accept the change, you've risen up out of the in between zone and you're feeling an uptick of energy, the fog is clearing, then it is very much a sense of, I would say exploration, where, where courage is required as you explore new terrain. And in the book, I talk about being your own hero, because you don't let your worries and inhibitions keep you from being your very best self. And then you rise up into insights. I've noticed so many people have these seemingly miraculous insights like a flash of insight, where did that even come from. But I would say it's much like a sense of knowing, like, I just noticed, I don't know how I know this, I just know this with absolute certainty. And then we rise up into discovery, which largely means to uncover something that that we need for the remainder of our journey. And then up we go, basically, the sun is shining, we feel fully engaged back in our life again. And this there's a sense of new beginning. But I think that there is there can be a transformative aspect to transition. And that's what I'm particularly intrigued about. Now. I didn't write about it so much in the book, it may become book number two, I'm, I'm just intrigued about transitions that become a wholesale change, where we almost have a sense of, I'm not who I was, when I began, and I love the different models that are present. That would suggest what that process is. I'm familiar with four of them that I'd like I'd like to think more about that. What are the things that the you feel like your listeners would, would like to delve into more deeply because I so admire, that your podcast is about going into the depths, plumbing, the depths, naked, honesty, vulnerability being real, I cherish that. So I'm just wondering, What strikes your fancy, I don't mean to turn the tables on you, but I, I so love your I really did. But I so love that you've had the courage to create a podcast that takes us into the depths.
Colleen Stanevich 33:03
I appreciate that. I think one of the things that I have heard from listeners is that some of these conversations, especially the ones that focus on how we navigate the in between zone, how they can ask themselves questions to, to give themselves kind of that, that third, that third eye or that that other person perspective on themselves. because ideally, people can work with a coach or a therapist or whomever they need to reach out to help help Shepherd them in some of the in between zone. But what I've heard from listeners is, it's really helpful to have some navigational tools that I can use for myself, one, as when I hear someone else offer them, it doesn't make me feel as alone in this. But secondly, it gives me something that I can utilize right away. And so I think your book is full of those. And I think we've touched on several of those today. But I just I guess the the question that I would ask on behalf of my listeners then is if someone is navigating the transition process on their own, how, what would you suggest to them for supports or starting places so that they can start start to effectively step into the in between zone?
Unknown Speaker 34:28
One that I love that I'll do probably, with some frequency is to do a guided visualization to my 85 year old self. And I'll ask her what you know, hello feisty, 85 year old self. What was it about your lifetime that meant the most to you? What was the thing that was so meaningful to you that you're so grateful that we did? And I'll I'll pose that question and then I'll Either recorded or I'll find a way to, to write it. And what I find is that when you're unencumbered by most of the things of life, and you're you're engaging with, with the, with your older self, who probably doesn't have a whole lot more of life ahead probably as packing her bags for what's next, that it's just fascinating. The wisdom that will ensue about, you know, I'm just so grateful that you took time to be with your family, I'm so grateful that you that you took time to love yourself in the midst of all of that, especially back when you were 40. And it was so tricky. making that transition or I'm so glad you made the decision to, to go on holiday because I think you learned so much about yourself, when you did that. So to me, it's getting to invoke the elder within herself. And she's passing on wisdom to you, that you might not be able to access the then me often has much more wisdom than the now me because the now me is so involved in the particulars of trying to make a living and, and live a life.
Colleen Stanevich 36:17
I love that invoke the elder have to check in with my elder, I love that. I've heard the flip of that, too, in terms of how you speak to yourself, think of yourself as a child, and how would you know. So again, like putting down emotions, that type of thing, or saying you shouldn't feel emotions for something think of talking to yourself as a child, but I've never heard that of invoking the elder I love
Unknown Speaker 36:40
well, and I do that one too. So So a good friend of mine, Shakti Durga has got a meditation to meet your inner child, whether you're a woman to meet your inner little girl, or a man to meet your inner little boy. And it's one of my favorite ones to do, I'll do it a couple of times a year, it's a guided visualization, where you go through this whole process. And there's one door that you walk in with her and she gets to meet every one that she loves. And it's so much fun, it's so interesting, from an inner child perspective to see who's there. And then you close that door. And then the second door is you don't have to go in because it's too scary. But you get to look in a one way mirror, every one that scares her that she hates, and you get to look at and sometimes some of the people that are in the first room or in the second one, like wow, that's complicated, then you close that, and then you go to door number three, you get to walk in, and it's everything she loves to do. And it's so much fun. Inevitably, there's a trampoline there that we bounce on. And I mean, it changes all the time. But it is very buoyant, fun sense of connecting with that part of you. And then there's an opportunity to ask her Honey, what do you need for me. And then with your non dominant hand, you'll respond and it's really lovely. So I'll do that probably a couple of times a year just to connect in with, with that part who was woefully abandoned? until I moved to Ireland and realized, Wow, I've got this whole part of me that that that I have not attended to Mm hmm.
Colleen Stanevich 38:20
Is there anything else that you want to share?
Unknown Speaker 38:23
Yes. If you find that you're in the middle of a transition, because you're in the midst of a change that that you didn't ask for that was thrust upon you. If you find yourself not feeling like yourself, not feeling like you're on top of your game, feeling weirdly as if 35 to 40% of yourself is somehow gone. And you're having to just operate with 60% of you were you notice here, not as focus, it's harder to concentrate, you feel more cranky than usual. You're always on your last nerve. What I what I really want you to understand is that that is typical and a part of transition. Because there is a part of us. I would I would call it our subconscious that's concerned for our safety. It's concerned about this change and and is looking out scanning the landscape constantly to make sure we're okay. Well, that's a pretty big job. So it means that only 60% of us is there to do the normal day to day. And that can feel really scary and disorienting if it feels like what's wrong with me. Where did I go? Why can't I remember my friend's name? How come I'm in the car and my keys are up on the kitchen counter. Like what's wrong with me? You know, so that would be the closing thing. I'd like to say that all of us especially during COVID have found ourselves doing wackadoo stuff That we would never ordinarily do, because we've been fairly freaked out. And so to be gentle with ourselves to be kind to understand, we are all in a global transition. And and to cut ourselves some slack. That's what I'd like to close with.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai