Big changes in life often make us focus on what we are giving up or gaining and then we want to jump right into what is next--but what lies in between? This week I highlight the transition process from William Bridges in his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes and focus on the neutral zone. In this episode I discuss:
If you want a tool to help process the transitions of the past year, check out the My Innermission journal here.
Big changes in life often make us focus on what we are giving up or gaining and then we want to jump right into what is next--but what lies in between? This week I highlight the transition process from William Bridges in his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes and focus on the neutral zone. In this episode I discuss:
If you want a tool to help process the transitions of the past year, check out the My Innermission journal here.
In the process of transition there are some intentional steps to undertake in order to really make sense of how the change has impacted your life and what comes next. It’s not a process that can be rushed or bypassed. And—the process isn’t always comfortable and it doesn’t always move at the pace we hope for.
In this week’s episode, I want to talk about the work of William Bridges, one of the leading voices in transition work. We’ll also look back to some of the lessons learned from My Innermission guests and their work with transition to then consider what comes next. Thanks for joining me for this episode of My Innermission.
So, when we talk about Transitions, I want to anchor the whole process in the work of William Bridges. He wrote a book, titled Transitions, in the 1970’s that is still one of the foundations of a lot of transition work. Bridges talks about three phases to the transition—the endings, the neutral zone and the new beginnings.
In this season, we’ve talked a lot about the endings—whether it is the ending of a relationship, or the ending of a career path, or an ending of your own fears or self-limitations. Those endings are often difficult to face and painful at times to unpack. Now, there are definitely times where we choose those endings, but even then we might at least find some times where we question ourselves and our decisions because of the challenges that those endings present. In Bridges work he focuses on different ways we face those endings—disengagement, dismantling, dis-identifying and disenchantment. We have to confront what those endings mean from our previous lives, or our lives before the change began. He reminds us that the endings are the beginnings of the transition process and they must be honored.
The next phase of the transition process is the neutral zone—and I’ll admit that in my own Innermission, I tried to rush this. I think I honored the grief and processing of the endings, but then I wanted the next step right away. I wanted action and I wanted clarity. And that, was my attempt to bypass the neutral zone. According to Bridges, the neutral zone is a “moratorium from the conventional activity of your everyday existence.” It is an opportunity to reflect and pay attention to yourself, your world and your actions. Bridges talks about the basic industry of the neutral zone as attentive inactivity and ritualized routine. And if I think about two notions that are not embraced by our society it would be attentive inactivity and ritualized routine. Right? They are foreign to us—doing little to nothing while paying attention carefully to your experience of doing little to nothing and going about your daily life with the intention of ritual and rhythm. The tension in the neutral zone is to not force any dynamic shifts while being acutely aware of what feels like mundane or static living. And all this while your brain is feeling like a young child on long road trip—“Are we there yet??”
In this season, I’ve heard many of my guests talking about the journey of transition and how the neutral zone plays out in their respective work. Sometimes in a career change, it is about continuing to do your job but paying attention to how your energy or passion connects with your daily work. (Because that attention will help inform what you want to do next). In a relationship change, sometimes it is about sitting in your own space after a divorce or breakup and feeling what the aloneness reveals to you about your own needs and your own self-worth outside of a relationship. Throughout this season, the idea of listening with your body, your intuition, and your somatic responses has been a refrain. The neutral zone invites this inner listening and to turn your brain off of all the “shoulds” or “deadlines” or “goals” that you might want to set. And instead, feel yourself into the neutral zone and appreciate the quiet messages and curious questions that emerge.
And then, much like the first blossoms of spring, the final step of the transition process is new beginnings. Bridges says, “When we are ready to make a new beginning, we will shortly find an opportunity”. So how do you know that you are ready to enter a new beginning of planning and purpose? When it finds you. There isn’t a set timeline or prescription, and because change and transition happen on so many levels and to different depths of ourselves, some processes and people require more time. We can’t rush it. We can’t force it.
So what does this mean for all of us? In the podcast I’ve talked to folks about a variety of transition—physical fitness and wellness transitions, career transitions, embracing greater social activism, leadership transitions, relationship transitions, and the transition in roles that comes with aging parents. But there is another transition that we have all been living through—this last year of a racial justice reckoning, political division, and of course the multitude of grief and trauma that comes with a global pandemic.
When I think about the last year, there have been so many levels of change and so many endings that we have had to face. Some of us have had those endings abruptly handed to us—the death of loved ones or the loss of jobs. Some of us have stepped into those endings—letting go of what we thought was important, or saying goodbye to habits that no longer supported our wellness. There has been a lot. And if we haven’t taken time to intentionally reflect on the endings and the grief of this past year, it will catch up to us. We are all living through transition and we have to acknowledge the first step of honoring the endings.
Then, as we begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and we emerge from the pandemic, a year later, I’ve heard some people talk about how they can’t wait “to get back to normal”. But that, my friend, doesn’t honor this moment of transition. We have to make time for the neutral zone too. As spring arrives, it feels too easy to try and step into what lies ahead, but we really aren’t ready to take that step until we embrace attentive inactivity and ritualized routine. And reflect. This is a time to ask ourselves questions about what we do, why we do it, how it feeds us, how it doesn’t, and how we feel.
This is a time to notice what has changed for us in this time. How do our bodies feel? How do our relationships feel? How do our emotions feel? What do we know about ourselves now? I’ve started up my journaling practice again and am trying to just listen to myself during this time. This last year has offered a lot to process and it is worthy of stopping to listen.
And if we take the time in the neutral zone, we can be fully ready to step in to the next Act when it is ready for us. In the next few episodes we will talk with people about how we begin to imagine and listen for the next step in the new beginnings zone. We’ll talk about self-actualization, dreams, and talk about how transitions can truly become transformational.
In the meantime, take care of yourselves. Honor your time in the neutral zone. Thanks for being part of the My Innermission community of listeners. One last note on the neutral zone—if you want a tool to help you reflect and make sense of the changes of the past year, the My Innermission journal is one way to guide you through this year of transition. With daily prompts and weekly invitations, it is one way to build intentional practice around reflection in the neutral zone. You can find them at MyInnermission.com
Until next week, thanks for joining me on the My Innermisson podcast.