STORYTIME - The Tea-Time Travails and Timeless Thieves of Temporal Tastings

Dr. Apples recounts his search for the legendary Giggling Goblin Green tea, a brew so potent it makes Vegas headliners look tame. Between dodging eye fuzzies and side-stepping hobos with dubious financial advice, he stumbles into a tea house straight out of a fever dream, run by British gentlemen with Oxford-grade eccentricity and a barista who warns him like a haunted fortune cookie. Just as he’s sipping on the promise of anarchy, in burst pirates—the eco-conscious kind with sustainable swag and caffeine cravings sharper than their wooden swords.

Dr. Apples, never one to waste a good mess, tricks them into sipping enchanted teas that launch them into chaotic side quests: a burger brawl with the Deep Fry Demon, a romantic math show featuring a flirtatious sea monster, a Black Friday bloodbath, and a theatrical debut that gets booed off stage. Peace is restored, pirates are dispatched, and Dr. Apples walks out victorious—tea in hand and trouble on the horizon.
*************************************************************************

What happens when you mix a dash of whimsy with a pinch of mystery and a whole lot of tea? Journey with us into the whimsical world of Dr Apples, where a simple stroll down Tchoupitoulas Street leads to an unexpected encounter with a clingy eye fuzzy and a detour into the mystical Temporal Tastings House. Meet the enigmatic tea masters, Reginald Thistlewaite and Percival Fortiscue, as they offer brews that promise to unlock doors to realms beyond our understanding. You'll find yourself pondering the peculiar and pondering the possibilities as we sip on tales that transcend reality.
 
 Prepare for a tide of laughter as we chart a course through the chaotic and comedic adventures of a pirate in "Calculus of Love." This lovesick buccaneer takes on algebraic affection challenges in a quest to win over the extraordinary Gertrude Boo, a mer-octopus with a flair for the dramatic. From surviving the madness of Black Friday to stealing the show on a Hollywood stage, our pirate's escapades are filled with humor, romance, and unexpected turns. Join us for a rollicking tale of love, algebra, and the surprising paths we navigate in pursuit of our dreams.

CAST
 Dr. Apples - Anthony J. Santora
 Reginald Thistlethwaite - Jon Mcnally
 Percival Fortescue - Chris Sansom
Captain - Cormac Brennan
Pirate 1 / Hobo / Audience 1 / Customer 1- Nasim Benelkour
Pirate 3 / Announcer - Matt Beckius
Lacie – Lacye A. Brown

Transcript

Dr. Apples: STORYTIME - The Tea-Time Travails and Timeless Thieves of Temporal Tastings

INTRO Narrator: (00:03)
Step right into the mystical universe of story time with Dr. Apples. You've just been transported through Dr. Apple's magical time warp. A universe where every tale spins. A web of enchantment gear up for a storytelling experience. Where peculiar meets the playful today as a tale is mesmerizing as Dr. Apple's collection of whispering crystals. Ready? settee? Let's go! W now join Dr. Apples in his attic, 

Dr. Apples: (00:57)
It takes two to make a thing go right. It takes two to make it outta sight. Yeah. Oh! Ahoy, auditory adventurers and

connoisseurs of the curious! Dr. Apples at your service, rummaging through the attic in pursuit of my last emergency tin of Giggling Goblin Green tea. Ah, such a brew! Its flavor profile is so audaciously delightful, it coaxes your taste buds into a state of looney logic, yet it also harbors the curious effect of making you believe you're a stand-up comedian.

1:45

A sip of this, and you're spouting punchlines that could get you barred from church but booked in

Vegas. (thud) Ah. It may be in here, in the frozen block of ice. As we wait for this block to thaw out, I can

tell you the tale of how I obtained the tea! 

2:05

Ready to be whisked away on a journey steeped in mystery, magic, and a modicum of mischief? Well you should  because it’s happening right now.

2:33

I was walking down Tchoupitoulas (Choppa-too-la) Street, partaking in my daily humidity sweat steps. A regimen recommended by the esteemed Dr. Puddle. A man whose body composition was rumored to be 90% water. As I walked on this moist journey, I encountered the bane of every eye's existence—an eye fuzzie.

 Eye Fuzzie: (02:59)
I'm coming for you.

Dr. Apples: (03:02)
Not just any eye fuzzie.

Eye Fuzzie: (03:04)
I'm gonna get ya.

Dr. Apples: (03:05)
Mind you, but one that latched onto my eyeball!

Eye Fuzzie: (03:10)
Come here.

Dr. Apples: (03:10)
Like a clingy ex!

Eye Fuzzie: (03:13)
Open up!

Dr. Apples: (03:15)
Giving into the universal reflex.

Eye Fuzzie: (03:19)
Just let it happen.

Dr. Apples: (03:19)
I closed my eyes and rubbed.

Eye Fuzzie: (03:22)
Open up.

Dr. Apples: (03:25)
I massaged my eye as I walked around blind, but determined to remove the perpetrator.

Eye Fuzzie: (03:32)
Fine.

Dr. Apples: (03:33)
When I opened my eyes, the fuzzy had vanished.

Eye Fuzzie: (03:38)
My job here is done.

Dr. Apples: (03:40)
Like my commitment to New Year's resolutions. Upon opening my eyes to my amazement, I was in a narrow back alley. I've never been to this part of Nola before.

Hobo: (04:07)
Hey.

Dr. Apples: (04:08)
Oh, sorry. Hobo

Hobo: (04:12)
Gimmie a dolla.

Dr. Apples: (04:15)
Past the Hobo was a door. A door stood there, mysterious and misplaced. No time to go back and risk the

Hobo asking me for change. I was time to be nosey.

4:32

With the gentlest of pushes, the door creaked open. Stepping inside felt like stepping into infinity…

-if infinity had the decency to smell like the divine embrace of Earl Grey and scones. It was…. A Tea House!

The sign was right there… It read… ‘The Temporal Tastings House’. There were rows and shelves of loose tea leaves in beautiful, ornate jars stacked to the ceiling -as far as the ceiling had light!

5:14

There were only a few humans browsing around, happily reading, sipping, and checking out the jars. I moved to the left as my gaze landed on a sign titled the ‘Loser’s Lounge’. It was a shadowy nook bathed in the soft glow of disappointment.

Here, coffee loyalists congregated; nursing their java in shame. Something for everyone!

5:51

Directly ahead, by the register, stood two distinguished gentlemen whose presence alone seemed to orchestrate the very atmosphere of the room. One sported a vest that could have been tailored by scholars at Oxford. Beside him, on the counter, was a plate of unseasoned-looking beans on toast.

6:11

His partner in tea, wore a waistcoat that seemed to carry the secrets of ancient lore. Perched on the bridge of his nose were half-moon glasses that framed his eyes which gave him the allure that he… was smart. Yet, it was the neon yellow button affixed on his coat that read ‘I hate Meagan’ that truly puzzled me.

6:34

As they approached, I spotted a ‘Monty Python’ poster on the back wall. They moved towards me, each greeting marked by a refined wrist flick.

Percivil Fortescue: (06:43)
Give me a sec, I'll catch up.

Reginald Thistlethwaite (6:44)

(cheeky grin)

Jolly-ho, Sir!

Dr. Apples: (07:21)

Ohhhhhhhh….they’re British!

Reginald Thistlethwaite: (06:55)
Apologies. Apologies. Ah, delighted to meet at last! I’m Reginald Thistlethwaite, at your service. Purveyor of ancient teas and occasional mysteries. We were just discussing the metaphysical implications of over steeping oolong. Do join the debate, and of course, the tea, Dr. Apples!

Dr. Apples: (07:20)
You know my name,

Reginald Thistlethwaite: (07:23)
<laughs> Of course. We’re smart! Ha. Ha. Ha. Haaaa! Seriously now, Welcome to our humble consortium of mystical teas and mysteries. We've been expecting someone of your...curiosity.

Percival Fortescue: (07:41)
Yes. Yes, so sorry. Charmed, I'm sure! I'm Percival Fortescue, your guide to the galaxies hidden within our gilded leaves.

Do let us know if your taste buds are craving adventure today. We've just perfected a blend that's as enigmatic as a Cheshire Cat's smile. <breathes in> …it is guaranteed to make you question the very fabric of reality.

Dr. Apples: (08:12)
Mmm, no thanks. I already got that effect when I passed the hobo earlier. But you are saying if I take a sip of your teas, I will be transported to

Reginald Thistlethwaite: (08:27)
Absolutely. Each sip is a key unlocking roams where time and space dance in divine convergence, just one sip or even a bite of our leaves. Dr. Apples transports you beyond the veil of the mundane,

Percival Fortescue: (08:46)
Perhaps a taste of something more esoteric. We have more brews, ethically sourced and, uh, vegan. Just over there....

Dr. Apples: (08:57)
Percival pointed towards a corner where a barista stood behind the counter staring at me. Her glare was sharp enough to curl cream on site. I happily walk to her. She hunted me. A lovely menu.

Barista: (09:26)
Select with caution. Each blend tiptoes between profound enlightenment and profound indigestion.

Dr. Apples: (09:37)
Oh, the thrilling potential for chaos.

Dr. Apples: (09:42)
The menu overwhelmed me! My excitement, almost tipping into anxiety. That is, until one particular description caught my eye:

9:52

Imagine: a place where instead of skyscrapers, are towering stacks of sourdough starters. Foods and seasons have no

additives in them! Health insurance includes daily naps! Schools teach Passive-Aggressive Pottery. Where NOLA’s levees, are moats for dragon boat raves. And… everyone's a conspiracy theorist —but only about, like, a secret society of cats.

Oh! And... tax is only on bad puns! Deadbeats and scammers? -Are buried for compost. Success is measured in Zero Waste Days.

10:37

And… and… and… Everyone’s a minority!

10:47

Ah, the choice is clear, Barista. I choose this tea here. Oh, and make it a double! Dr. Apples HUMS in delight.

Barista (10:58)

You got it, Doc. Here’s your Post-Apocalyptic Capitalism brew, steeped in non-dairy ghost milk. Enjoy your voyage.

Dr. Apples: (11:21)
The barista presents my brew in a cute cup. The temperature is perfect. I place the cup to my lips. Ah, the adventures that await me! The norms to disrupt. The lotto numbers to memorize! The histories to rewrite! Farewell, status quo

— hello, sweet, sweet anarchy!

PIRATE 1 (11:57)

Arrrg, gather 'round, folks! This here's a stick-up!

Dr. Apples: (12:08)
Lo and behold, the tranquility of my tea-tasting was shattered as four audacious pirates burst through the front door! Each one looking more desperately in need of a tea fix than the last.

Pirate 2 (12:21)

Listen up, argh! We're in the throes of a caffeine withdrawal fierce enough to wake the Kraken itself.

Pirate 3 (12:30)

Hand over the teas, or you’ll walk the plank like those Baristas down at 'Cajun Cups & Mystic Brews’!

Pirate 2 (12:38) 

Arrg! Nobody was spared!

Customer 1 (12:41)

Hey! Are those wooden swords?

Customer 2 (12:45)

Are you seriously dragging dirty pillowcases around?

Pirate 1 (12:49)

Arr, these be eco-friendly, sustainably harvested pirate gear! We're green pirates, savvy!

Pirate 2 (12:58) 

And these ain’t just any pillowcases —they're organic cotton, matey! Perfect for hauling loot and reducing our carbon footprints on the high seas!

Dr. Apples (13:10) 

I couldn’t help but to step closer to them. Each pirate wore a two-hundred-dollar shirt under Halloween pirate costumes. One, sporting a shiny golden eyepatch, approached Percival and said…

Captain (13:25)

I’m the Captain, see? Captain’ ma name. We're here on a quest for the most potent brews you've got! But spare us your Chamomile tea, though— Tastes like dishwater, it does!

Dr. Apples (13:38_

Why do you all sound like you're straight out of suburbia instead of the stormy seas?

Reginald & Percival (13:44)

Indeed?

Captain (13:46)

Oh! Well… We’re A.P.A’s! – American, Pirate, Adventurers!

All pirates (13:52)

(in unisom)

Yarrr!

Pirate 1 (13:56)

Yeah, we're as American as apple pie -with a sprinkle of sea salt. We became pirates on a whim, Matey!

Captain (14:08)

Yarrr. When me gigs weren’t giggin…

Pirate 1 (14:09)

Me chef skills weren’t a cookin…

Pirate 2 (14:15)

Me fame never took…

Pirate 3 (14:18)

Yarrr… me knee gave out….

Pirate 2 (14:23)

(slowly lose Pirate Accent) 

We nabbed ourselves a ship at an auction. Keeping up with the payments meant all hands on deck, literally.

Pirate 3 (14:31)

(slowly lose Pirate Accent)

We’re boosting profits, by adding artisanal cannonballs and raising the anchor fees. The crew wasn't keen on the

upcharges but where are they gonna go?

Captain (14:40)

(hint of pride)

(slowly lose Pirate Accent)

So, we did what any resourceful American would do: turned the vessel to our own floating condo. Minimalism at sea.

Pirate 3 (14:49)

Less land-lovin’, more on savin'.

Pirate 2 (14:54)

(passionate)

Indeed, it's all about the return on investment and sustainable looting practices.

Dr. Apples (14:59)

So, you've essentially gentrified piracy?

(The Captain and Pirates return to their pirate accent.)

Captain (15:04)

Arrrg! Exactly, Doc! To be a pirate today is all about the mindset, y'know? Just gotta believe in yer heart, envision the

booty, lean into the entrepreneurial spirit, and—voilà —manifest your destiny!

Pirates (15:18)

(in unison)

Arrrrg!

Dr. Apples (15:27)

(over it)

(heavy sighs while saying)

Okay.

Reginald Thistlethwaite (15:29)

Pirates? In our shop? This is rather... unsettling.

Percival Fortescue (15:34)

Guess, we've diversified into piracy. How terribly... progressive.

Dr. Apples (15:41)

One of the pirates clutched his head, groaning in pain. He stumbled over to the Barista. The Barista paused, confused.

Pirate 1 (15:52)

Arrg, me head’s a banging. Me need caffieene. Fetch me a chai tea, and quick!

Barista (16:00)

Hun?

Pirate 1 (16:02)

A chai tea, I said! Make haste!

Barista (16:05)

So, you want two Chai’s?

Pirate 1 (16:08)

Blast it! Hard of hearin’ lady? Just one chaiii tea! 

Barista (16:15)

Sir, you do realize ‘chai’ means tea? You’re asking for ‘tea-tea’.

Pirate 1 (16:22)

Oh? That be correct?

Dr. Apples (16:24)

(slightly yelling)

Uh, yes. Actually, it’s like asking for ‘Nan’-bread during supper.

Barista (16:29)

Repetitious.

Pirate 1 (16:31)

(amazed)

Really?

Customer 1 (16:32)

(yells)

Yeah. ‘Nan’ bread is, bread-bread.

Barista (16:38)

Ummm… soo….shall I prepare you a cup of redundancy?

Pirate 1 (16:44)

Just...anything for this blasted caffeine headache!

Dr. Apples (16:51)

With quick thinking, I dashed to a shelf labeled ‘Just Desserts,’ grabbed four jars, and handed one to each Pirate.

Dr. Apples (17:00)

Here!

Pirates (17:02)

Hun? What’s this?

Dr. Apples (17:08)

I can tell you’re suffering from caffeine withdrawal, gentlemen. Bite into these leaves. They’re the most caffeinated tea leaves in this establishment.

Percival Fortescue (17:16)

No, they’re not.

Reginald Thistlethwaite (17:17)

Shhhh!

Dr. Apples (17:20)

My cunning plan was in full swing. Pitch-practice Sundays were about to pay off! Each Pirate read the labels on

their jars.

Pirate 1 (17:29)

Arrrg, this be the 'Fast Food Fiesta'?

Dr. Apples (17:34)

Exactly! Envision a whirlwind of flavors so intense, it catapults you straight into the heart of a bustling eatery.

And you? You're not just in the kitchen; you’re the potential master chef! Orchestrating a symphony of tastes

and aromas. And, it’s like chugging a double shot of espresso!

Pirate 2 (17:59)

What's this? 'Reality TV Rush'?

Dr. Apples (18:04)

Ah, this brew does more than just caffeinates; it elevates your popularity to celestial heights. Imagine being so popular, you could out-charm a siren. Plus, it packs a caffeine punch that rivals the fiercest storm!

The Pirates OOOH & AWWW in excitement!

Pirate 3 (18:22)

Got me-self 'Black Friday Booty' here!

Dr. Apples (18:32)

Arrg, ye yeah. For you, young one. Tailored for those that desire to put their speed and agility to the test!

This one’s a sprint through the aisles. It's packed with enough caffeine to keep you on your toes. It’s the race of a lifetime!

Captain (18:51)

Mine's 'Hollywood Hustle, Take Two'?

Dr. Apples (18:53)

Indeed, Captain. A blend so vibrant, it not only casts you as the lead, but energizes you more than an Americana.

Your acting career, will finally take off!

Captain (19:07)

Well, I have been auditioning for…

Dr. Apples (19:10)

Cap'n, you’re acting skills will command the spotlight like a true Admiral!

Percival Fortescue (19:17)

(whispers loudly)

I really think we should tell them that the leaves are potent-

Reginald Thistlethwaite (19:20)

(whispers loudly)

Pipe down!

Captain (19:22)

Well, by the Jolly Roger, okay!

Dr. Apples (19:28)

The Pirates eagerly grabbed their selected leaves. As each Pirate chewed on their leaves, the air around us shimmered with magic and enchantment!

Pirate 1 (20:21)

(swirling)

Blimey, what is this sorcery?

Pirate 2 (20:27)

(swirling)

Arrrr! I was promised caffeine,

not...

Pirate 3 (20:30)

(swirling)

What be this trickery?

Captain (20:32)

(swirling)

But me parking meter for the ships about to expire!

Dr. Apples (20:37)

You’re too late!

(evil laughs)

Oh, the adventure has already begun, Scallywags! You’ve not just consumed leaves; you’ve swallowed whole tales, new

destinies, indigestion and leaves... Oh, Did I mention leaves already? Apologies for repeating myself, but sometimes, redundancy repeats itself on its own.

(evil laughs)

Narrator (21:21)

Dr. Apples has cunningly lured these unwitting pirate Capitalists into a trap of their own making… 

Dr. Apples (21:28)

To the burliest pirate only the Fast Food Fiesta tea will do.

Pirate 1 (21:37)

(falling)

Nooooo!

Narrator (21:43)

The moment our formidable pirate's tongue touched the tea leaves, he was transported —not to treasure-laden culinary

school, but to the greasy battlegrounds of a fast-food joint. This wasn’t just any burger flip; it was a high-stakes fry-off for the title of… -Grease King.

22:04

Armed in the kitchen with nothing but a spatula and fear, our Pirate faced off against the legendary sous chef known only as… The Deep Fry Demon!

The Deep Fry Demon (22:23)

(snarls)

Rooooar---just---kidding. Like, seriously? You think you can take my title? Get ready to be totally fried by

this land-lover!

Narrator (22:35)

Standing in the kitchen, the Deep Fry Demon is a 4ft tall powerhouse teen with the talent of eight iron chefs and the audacity of a middle-aged American man.

The Deep Fry Demon (22:46)

I’ll never relinquish my title! Ready to be fried into submission, Loser?

Narrator (22:51)

A culinary titan in a compact frame, she wields a spatula like a sword, her wits as sharp as her knives. Known for her iron grip on the 'Grease King' title, she's a legend feared by cooks in every dimension.

Pirate 1 (23:05)

(livid)(yells)

I'm ready to take ye on, ye bilge-sucking blaggard!

The Deep Fry Demon (23:10)

You talk funny!

(laughs)

Pirate 1 (23:13)

(angry)

Whaaa?

Arrrr….Me will get ya a….Molly whoppin’.

The Deep Fry Demon (23:25)

Wait. Was that a Millennial Pause?

(laughs)

You’re cooked!

Pirate 1 (23:31)

(defiantly yells)

Arrrg! Throw at me whatever ye can, but yer won't best me famous deluxe burger! Yarrrrr!

Narrator (23:40_

As the griddles hiss and the oil pops, a culinary clash of titans unfolds. Will our pirate flip his way to victory, or crumble like overcooked fries?

The Deep Fry Demon (23:55)

Alright, time to sizzle. Let’s start this fight sequence!

[Fighting anime music plays briefly]

The Deep Fry Demon (24:24)

Look at ya, barely able to stand! He. He. And we're only on like amuse-bouches. Scared? You look like you've seen

a ghost pepper.

Pirate 1 (24:35)

I’ve seen stock plunges scarier than your fryer. Bring it on! Yarrrr!

The Deep Fry Demon (24:42)

Eww. Don’t talk over the food. M-kay?

Dr. Apples (25:16)

To the loudest pirate, ‘Reality TV Rush’.

Announcer (25:31)

Welcome Humans and Things, to a brand new season of Calculus of Love!

Narrator (25:39)

In an instant, our pirate finds himself on the studio stage of 'Calculus of Love' —a dating show so intense, contestants must prove their worth through algebraic affection.

Announcer (25:53)

(annoyed)(to Pirate)

You’re late!

(to audience)

-And he’s not only a clout chaser, but has an American education! Meet our newest bachelor, a Pirate.

26:06

So, we know the rules: If our pirate answers all 87 questions correctly, he wins, 8 million dabloons! However, if, he answers any one of them incorrectly, he.. must… marry… and mate with…. Gertrude!

Gertrude (26:34)

Hey, loverboy! 

Pirate 2 (26:36)

Nooo. I can’t math!

Narrator (26:44)

Gertrude. A mer-octopus whose charm is as... (disgusted) unique as her aroma. (regular) Standing at a towering nine feet with tentacles to match, Gertrude tips the scales at 921 pounds. Decked out in a bikini and red lipstick sits on the contestant stand.

With purple-gray skin, she emits an aroma that brings to mind last week’s forgotten seafood special! 

Gertrude makes KISSING noises.

Pirate 2 (27:09)

(panicked)

No. No. No! I’m a human-sexual! Noooo!

Announcer (27:15)

Now, remember the rules: In a minute, the screen will show you math problems. Say the problems out loud and

answer them correctly before the timer buzzes. Good Luck and don’t lose!

Narrator (27:29)

Is our pirate ready for a dive into romantic mathematics, or will he be left adrift in a sea of equations, doomed to mate?

A timer DINGS and ticks down.

Pirate 2 (27:41)

Uhhh. One plus one is…..

(stomach growls)

Blimey….tis been so long since me ate I’ve-

(wrong buzz)

27:52

Pirate 2 (cont'd)

No. Wait! Nooooooooo!

Announcer (27:54)

Uh oh! Looks like Gertrude wins again!

Narrator (28:01)

That sucks.

Dr. Apples (28:12)

Our youngest pirate gets the Black Friday Booty tea.

Narrator (28:28)

With one chew, our young pirate is catapulted into the eye of the madness of a Black Friday retail store.

Where the discounts are deadly, and the shoppers are even deadlier. Steering his cart like a ship in choppy waters, he’s on a mission.

Pirate 3 (28:43)

(worried)

Ooooh. Is it here? Ooooh. No. How much is that?

 (huffs and puffs)

Narrator (28:50)

—a dubious list of holiday gifts. Over Five Hundred shoppers are vying for these prizes. As he navigates the treacherous

terrain of consumer crowds, can he snag the deal of a lifetime? 

Pirate 3 (29:04)

(panting)(yells)

Why so many socks?

Narrator (29:05)

… or trampled by coupon wielding grandmas?

Old Lady (29:11)

Move it young Man! Wanna date, handsome?

Pirate 3 (29:17)

(panting)

What’s that? 

Robot: (29:24)
Welcome shoppers. We are now starting the bids for a luxury hand sanitizer that smells like freedom at one US dollar. Increasing in 3 cent increments. Do I hear 3 cents? 

Shopper 1 (29:36)

Three. 

Robot (29:37)

Three. Great. And remember, not bidding could result in consequences. Just like not voting. 6 cents?
 
 Shopper 2: (29:45)
6 cents.

Robot: (29:46)
Great. Do I hear 9 cents? 

Pirate 3 (29:49)

A …..Live..auction? Nooooo!

(in pain)

Ouch! Me knee given out!

Dr. Apples (30:10)

And for the final act, Hollywood Hustle, Take Two.

Narrator (30:23)

Our Captain found himself in the spotlight, center stage of a play he previously auditioned for. This is his moment.

Captain (30:39)

Huh? I got the part? At long last!

Narrator (30:33)

Years of failed auditions and callbacks culminating in this instant. Before him, lies an ocean of faces, an audience of thousands, as his heart swells with anticipation.

Person On Stage (30:50)

(whispers loudly)

Say your lines!

Captain (30:53)

Tis me cue?

(The Captain loudly CLEARS his throat and loses his pirate accent.)

 (theatrical/dramatic)

Here we stand, at the edge of destiny’s blade, our hearts tethered to the sea’s whims. This journey, fraught with peril and promise. It demands of us courage.

Narrator (31:13)

Our Captain moves closer to the audience with open arms. A spotlight follows his every move.

Captain (31:20)

For what is a pirate without the call of adventure? A ship without a sail?

Singing Captain (31:33)

(sings)

♪ Oh, the tides roll in with tales untold, of pirate loves and mermaids bold, In this prequel, where legends unfold, adventure sings in tones of gold! ♪ ♪ We dance the tango 'neath the moon's soft glow, where the ocean breezes softly blow…

(The audience, caught off guard, MURMURS.)

Audience Member 1: (31:39)
What the [cough] is this? 

Audience Member 2: 31:43

Who asked for this? 

Audience Member 3: 31:45

Why are they dancing? 

Audience Member 4: 31:49

Well, there goes my sanity. 

Audience Member 5:  31:50

This wasn't in the program.

Narrator (31:51)

Little did the audience know, 'Pirate Mermaid Tango: A Swashbuckling Love Story – The Prequel' was, in fact, a musical!

The captain, in his long-awaited moment of glory, had not expected to confront an auditorium filled with musical naysayers.

Audience Member 6: (32:19)
The original didn't have singing. 

Audience Member 7: 32:24

What is this? Bring back the sword fights.

Narrator  (32:27) 

But our Captain, ever the performer, tries to win them over with a dazzling smile and an even bigger musical flourish, the music swelling. There he stands, our captain, a swashbuckler turned reluctant star of the stage.

Singing Captain (32:40)

(with a big finish)

A tale of hearts both wild and free, spun from the yarns of destiny! ♪

Crowd (32:55)

Boo…Boooo!

(The audience BOOS more aggressively.)

Captain (32:58)

(scared)

No. No. No noooo! My pitch was perfect!

Narrator (33:04)

And so, with every boo, his confidence fades, leaving our captain to reckon with a fate more daunting than walking the plank. —being destined to repeat the show again, tomorrow...

Dr. Apples Narrator (33:49)

(devilish chuckle)

And just like that, each pirate was spirited away by their tea-destined adventures, restoring peace to the quaint Temporal Tastings House.

Reginald Thistlethwaite (33:59)

(amused, with awe)

Dr. Apples, your ingenuity is as boundless as the British Empire once was! Splendid show!

Percival Fortescue (34:09)

Quite the spectacle indeed, but pray tell, should we brace ourselves for their boisterous return?

Dr. Apples (34:18)

(laughing mischievously)

I hand them a business card.

Here. This is a card for La-Ray-Ray’s pawn shop. He should give you a pretty penny for the ship outside.

Reginald Thistlethwaite (34:35)

By George, your resourcefulness has truly saved our biscuits!

Barista (34:42)

Wait, Dr. Apples! Don’t you want your Capitalism tea?

Dr. Apples (34:48)

Nah. I give it a year or two before it actually happens. I can wait.

Percival Fortescue (34:54)

How can we ever repay you?

Reginald Thistlethwaite (34:57)

In the meantime, how about a spot of tea on the house? Your choice, of course!

Percival Fortescue (35:03)

Do select any blend that tickles your fancy, our treat!

Dr. Apples (35:15)

And so, my dear listener, that's the tale. And just in time, my block of ice has melted! With the pirates dispatched to

narrative realms beyond, our grateful hosts offered me a choice of any tea. Naturally, I chose my cherished Giggling Goblin Green. But as I walked out the door, tea tins in hand, the shop itself seemed to vanish into the mist. Leaving me to muse over the day's peculiar events in the back alley with the Hobo.

35:49

So, what’s the moral of today’s story? Saying 'Chai tea' shows us that some redundancies are like bad habits

—hard to break and perpetually poked.

(laughs)

Lacie V.O. (36:02)

(angry)

Dr. Apples! Why is the ceiling dripping water?

Dr. Apples (36:07)

Oops! Until we meet again. This is Dr. Apples, bidding you adieu, but never goodbye.

OUTRO Narrator: (36:27)
And just like that, we spiral back from the enchanting rounds of Dr. Apples. Our journey through his magical time warp concludes for now. But the wonder doesn't have to end here. Don't forget to like, subscribe, leave a review in stuff until our next whimsical adventure. Keep your imaginations wild. Dr. Apples will be waiting with more spell binding stories and beware of mischievous mirrors. They’ve been known to wink after a tale from Dr. Apples.