Emotional Tidal Pools of the Cluster B

Today's podcast delves into the dynamics of relationships with individuals having Cluster B personality disorders, discussing emotional sandcastles, tidal pools, and the concept of “future faking.” I reflect on the cyclical nature of these relationships, where positive moments lead to doubts about improvement, only to be followed by a return to negative behavior. I continue to emphasize the need to cut off contact with such individuals, likening them to a cancer that must be removed completely from one’s life. I stress the importance of not hoping for reconciliation or re-engagement.

Transcript

Several years ago, I well, actually, 4 years ago when I started this podcast in September of 2020, I did one called emotional sandcastles. And in that podcast, it basically talks about the process of us constantly building these emotional sandcastles, constantly rebuilding our relationships with our cluster b, only to have them washed away by the tide of their moods, their rage, their dysfunction. And today's podcast, emotional title pools of the cluster b, basically builds on that. Our relationships with these cluster b's have no consistency. You know, it's in my mind, in my fantasy, in my belief that normal relationships build over time. Sure. They ebb and they flow.

It's not I'm not talking about a relationship utopia, which in my mind doesn't really exist. But with the emotional title pools of the cluster b, every now and then you get a tidal pool and much like an emotional sand castle that we build on And we think it's like a short renaissance period. In fact, I just recently had one with my cluster b wife of almost 22 years in which I found myself even after all this time, after almost 200 podcasts of telling you to be weary, to to be careful, I started doubting myself again. And that's the trauma bond, folks. That's the Stockholm syndrome kicking in. That's the future faking that's buying into their garbage. There was it was a brief what I would call renaissance or an emotional title pool in which my wife was almost semi nice again.

It reminded me of who she was some years ago. And no sooner do I kind of get drawn into this hypnotic state of believing that or doubting myself, believing that maybe maybe, you know, things are not as bad as I think that they are or is dysfunctional and disordered and disregulated only to come to find, to snap back into reality when that title pool is gone. You know, we love tidal pools. I do. If you go to the beach and you see these tidal pools, you see all this marine life. You see cool things. Much like a emotional tidal pool with a cluster b.

It's a snapshot in time. It's a microcosm And we enjoy it and then it's gone because the tide comes in and takes it over much like an emotional sandcastle. Now I will say this that my wife didn't blow it away or wash it away like an emotional sandcastle with a tide. But she went back to being her normal self. And at least this time with all the progress that I've made, I was able to kind of reset myself and not believe, oh, some things have changed. Things are getting better, which I've done for over 22 years. 23. Do you find yourself doing that?

Wanting to believe? Being so desperate to try to remember who they once were. This is almost likened to, I guess, when you when somebody dies and we wanna remember the good things about them more often than not, we always read obituaries and in most of the obituaries that I've ever read, it always talks about the good qualities of that person who passed on. How wonderful they were, what they did, How benevolent they were. Even if they were a cluster b. Even if they were a horrible person in life, in death, we remember them. We remember the good stuff.

And that's pretty much what we do with our cluster b. It doesn't matter how abusive they are to us. Somehow, someway, we always go back to remembering what they once were. And when they breadcrumb us and when they hoover us, well, we we're just basically conned back into the relationship. It's the emotional con game. I did a podcast on that some years ago, and it makes perfect sense. It's the shell game.

You just never know. And there is no consistency, and there's future faking. What what is future faking? Future faking is when a person lies or promises something about your possible future in order to get what they want in the present. It could be as basic as promising that they will call you later and then never calling. Or it could be promising to go on a vacation with you and then never taking any steps to make that happen. Or even promising to marry you.

Carry you off into the sunset living happily ever after. All in order to make you complacent and to control you in the present. Cluster bees do this. My wife does this. She future fakes me all the time. And eventually, the manipulator or the cluster b will take very little action, if any, toward keeping their promise. Instead, they will keep promising and using other forms of coercive control, passive and active abuse, until you find yourself in such a state that it's easier to go along with whatever the manipulator wants.

They distort reality to get what they want from you. Now, does that resonate with you? Because it certainly resonates with me. My wife of 20 almost 22 years. My relationship of almost 23 years is built on future faking. Countless times. Title pools of the cluster b.

What you see is not what you're going to get. You see quick snapshots like emotional sandcastles. You build, you build, you build, and then something inherently happens that washes it away. You are not deserving of their love. And it's not love, folks. It's not. And I've told you this in countless podcasts.

Don't confuse what the cluster b's do with love. They don't understand what love is. They don't. Please understand that. It's hard for me too. I've been doing this podcast for almost 4 years, and I I find myself, you know, just as vulnerable. This is why everybody says, when you leave a cluster b, you have to leave the cluster b.

You can't do it thinking, well, if I leave, they're gonna want me back. You can't leave with that motive. You have to leave leave the relationship. You have to leave it, meaning you have to go no contact. You have to cut these people out of your life. It's like a cancer. It has to go. You can't be their friend. You can't be their confidant.

You can't be their husband, or their wife. You can't, Or their boyfriend or their girlfriend. Once you're done, you're done. Done is done with a cluster b. It has to be. You slay the dragon. It's done. You don't hope that the dragon is gonna get back up again, and you have to fight it again.

You slay it and you're done. And that's what happens with a cluster b. You have to exit the relationship. Otherwise, you're stuck with emotional sandcastles. You're stuck with the title pools seeing this beautiful title pool and then it's gone.

It's a mirage. And, gosh, how many times have I said that? What you see is not what you're gonna get with a cluster b. And yet it is intoxicating. It's addictive. It's trauma bonding. And I, after all these years, after all these podcasts, after all the research that I have done, can easily be drawn back into it thinking, oh, wow. You know? Gosh. You know, she she was really nice today. That's pathetic.

Because 99.9% of the time, she's not nice. 99.9% of the time, she doesn't care. And in the rare moments that she shows some compassion, some empathy, it's not real. It's like a horror movie. We all know that the monster is there. And we all watched the movie going, don't do it.

Don't go there. Don't open that door. Don't go into that house. Don't hide under the bed.

But yet, we do it. We do. Because we don't know any better. And we don't want to know any better. We want to believe what we believe. That person's not abusive. A lot of people have said to me over the years, what are you doing?

And I'm offended by that. What do you mean what am I doing? Because it reflects on us, and I don't think a lot of us ever wanna take a moment to say, you know what? We made a mistake. I made a mistake. And I don't want people to say, you made a mistake and you're in this relationship for 23 plus years? What's wrong with you, man?

Do I want that? Absolutely not. But, you know, you have to believe in yourself and we all make mistakes. Some of us make mistakes for longer than others. Some of us realize very quickly this is not a good relationship and they get out of it. And then there are those of us who are listening to this podcast who don't. Who are confused. Well, no.

That person was really nice or that person is really nice. They're just having a bad day or they're having a bad month or they don't like their job. And that's why they're projecting all their anger onto me, their dysfunction. It's not me. It's the outside world and I'm going to rescue them. At least that's my philosophy.

And folks, that doesn't work. Because at the end of the day, I don't feel fulfilled. You know, people talk about does your love cup okay.

Well, that's kinda silly in my mind. Is your love cup filled? Well, folks, my love cup has never been filled. It's been filled with a poison that I have drunk for years years years.

But it wasn't love. It's never been love. With a cluster B, it won't be love. It's going to be future faking, emotional sandcastles, emotional tidal pools, dysfunction, dysregulation, and disordered. These are not normal relationships and I understand that it feels good to you because maybe as an empath or somebody who's involved with a cluster b, you feel comfortable doing this over and over again with a cast of many people because this is probably not the 1st cluster b you've been involved with, certainly not my 1st cluster b, I can look back now and say, wow.

You know what? I've got a whole litany of them. With each and every one has a different case history but they are all inherently cluster b's. You gotta change that Because, unfortunately, it won't change unless you change. You will continue to attract these people like a moth to a flame. They will find you. They will sense you.

They will seek you out. And you will welcome them in. New podcasts uploaded each and every Friday. Thank you for being part of the My Inner Torch community. Thank you for spreading the word with your review on whichever platform you happen to be listening to my inner torch on. Be well. And in whatever you do, be good.

This has been my inner torch.