My Inner Torch
My Inner Torch offers direct and personal insight with help for those of us in a relationship with someone who is undiagnosed/diagnosed with a Cluster B Personality Disorder. This is a safe place to come for words of inspiration that draw from my personal experiences and is produced to gain understanding and to find direction as we navigate through the often difficult relationships with those we love who suffer with a Cluster B personality disorder that includes BPD and NPD. PLEASE NOTE: This podcast is NOT for those who suffer with these disorders. This podcast is for survivors of these challenging and difficult relationships.
My Inner Torch
Pathological Love with a Cluster B
🎯 Key Takeaways
Core Points:
- Relationships with cluster B personalities won’t develop into typical, stable love.
- Practice emotional detachment by stopping your search for reassurance and explanations.
- Set firm, non-negotiable boundaries around acceptable behavior.
- Your suffering doesn’t prove love or loyalty.
- Focus on healing yourself rather than fixing the other person.
- Real love is stable, honors your identity, and doesn’t harm your wellbeing.
🔍 Summary
Understanding Pathological Love
Pathological love differs from healthy love—it lacks reciprocity and empathy. With cluster B individuals, their “love” stems from their own need to manage internal chaos, not from genuine connection with you. Their attachment is driven by fear of abandonment and unresolved trauma, making it fundamentally different from mutual affection.
The Intensity and Its Roots
The initial intensity feels special, but it’s rooted in their survival needs, not true intimacy. Their rapid attachment and idealization protect them from emotional collapse, not from a desire to build something real with you. This urgency masks the absence of genuine bonding.
Love Without a Self
Without a stable sense of self, the cluster B person cannot love mutually. You become their emotional stabilizer—idealized when useful, devalued when you assert your needs. You’re not a partner; you’re a tool for their self-regulation.
The Inevitable Cracks and Why You Cannot Fix It
The initial adoration shifts into control, gaslighting, and blame. This isn’t about you—it reflects their instability. You cannot love someone out of a personality disorder or provide enough reassurance to heal their trauma. Trying only reinforces the harmful cycle.
Working With Pathological Love: Preserving Yourself
Accept this love for what it is and adjust your expectations. Practice emotional detachment with compassion, set clear boundaries, and stop equating love with sacrifice. Redirect your energy toward understanding and healing your own wounds.
Choosing Yourself for Freedom
Pathological love reveals your vulnerabilities. If you stay, do so with clear eyes and no hope for change. Stay grounded in your own identity. Real love supports your wellbeing and honors who you are—choosing yourself is an act of self-preservation and strength.