How to Pursue Intimacy and Leisure Pleasure During COVID19 [Tips From a Human Sexuality Expert]

1. How do you capitalize on technology to pursue pleasure, even from a distance? 
2. How can you socially distance and be intimate at the same time?

It’s no secret that the COVID19 pandemic has disrupted many facets of our lives. From our work, school, economic and social lives, we have all been forced to navigate our lives while living with this deadly virus. It’s no surprise then that our sexuality has been impacted as well.

We teamed up with a human sexuality expert to talk about intimacy and leisure pleasure and to explore the information, hi-tech tools, and tips you can tap into to enhance your sensuality and get the pleasure you deserve.

We hope you come away from our conversation empowered to own your desire and pleasure unapologetically and to navigate your sex life from a woman-centered approach during this pandemic and beyond.

Subscribe to HerCanvas today to get your answers to the questions that matter most to you, and ultimately, find the inspiration to live your best life.

Transcript

Hey Everyone! 

Welcome to HerCanvas! Our podcast where we discuss the topics that matter most to women and help us find the inspiration to live our best lives. I’m your host, Jedidah Karanja. Today we’re going to be talking about intimacy and leisure pleasure during COVID19 and helping you discover the information, hi-tech tools, and tips you need to enhance your intimacy and sensuality to get the pleasure you deserve. 

It’s no secret that the pandemic has disrupted many facets of our lives. From our work, school, economic and social lives, we have all been forced to navigate our lives while living with this deadly virus. It’s no surprise then that our sexuality has been impacted as well. 

According to an Indiana University 2020 study, there has been a decline in sexual activity during the pandemic. People are engaging in less sex because they’re home all the time. 

With this in mind, a glass of wine, and the lovely company of my friend and human sexuality expert, Ana Bagtas, we set out to discuss how women’s sexuality has been affected by the pandemic and to discover how we can use technology to pursue intimacy and leisure pleasure in our new normal.

Ana is currently a Doctoral Candidate in Human Sexuality at the California Institute of Integral Studies. In addition, she’s a public health expert on aging, disabilities, and youth issues.

Through a Facebook Live session hosted for our Facebook Community gapmuseWomen, we set out to answer two questions: 

1. How do you capitalize on technology to pursue pleasure, even from a distance? 
2. How can you socially distance and be intimate at the same time? 

We actually had a list of 5 questions but decided to focus on these two because based on a poll with our gapmuseWomen community, they were the most important to our members.  We plan to get to the other 3 during another session.

 But before we delve into our insights from our conversation, let me start by sharing that this topic has not been an easy one for me to talk about. Having been raised in a conservative household - my mother is a staunch Presbyterian, the subject of sexuality was taboo. It was never to be talked about, heck, I thought at the time, that even thinking about it was a sin! I’m sure many of you who grew up in similar households can relate. 

I believed (through extrapolation)  that sex was only for married women for the purpose of reproduction and to serve the needs of your husband. It is only through my natural curiosity and experiences that I learned more about it on my own and shifted my perspective. 

Now that I’m more comfortable speaking about it, my goal is to normalize the conversation to help women both young and old feel comfortable talking about it. Also, to change the perspective that it’s essential and okay to pursue sexuality for pleasure (not just for marriage or reproductive purposes), and to own it unapologetically. 

My conversation with Ana offered a perfect opening for us to accomplish this objective. 

Here are key takeaways from our enlightening and sometimes spicy discussion.

Before we get into it, I'd like to ask you this question, How many of you know what “Leisure Pleasure” means? I can tell you that before speaking with Ana, I had never heard of the phrase so it was great that Ana started our chat by defining it. 

• Leisure pleasure is the pursuit of sex for pleasure as opposed to only for reproductive purposes. You’re doing it because you want to for the purpose of connecting with someone or with yourself. 
• Before the pandemic happened, it was much easier to pursue leisure pleasure, especially for the so-called hookup culture for those who are single. It was readily available through apps, such as Bumble, Tinder, Her, Pure, etc. for both short and long-term relationships.
• COVID19 has made it harder to pursue intimacy. Obviously, this was no surprise. Because the virus is transmitted through in-person contact, we expect people to be worried about getting close to someone and to exercise caution. 
  • Top that with the stress and anxiety that comes with contracting the virus and you have the perfect mood killer for our sensuality. 

What’s interesting and encouraging though, is that even though people are having less sex, they’re having better, more exciting sex. They’ve introduced variety to their sexual repertoire, especially those in partnered relationships. 

Now, what do you think is the number one thing they’ve added to their repertoire? If you guessed “change or add a new position,” you’re right! I don’t know about you but I was expecting something fancier so this came as a shock to me. 

• People are also sharing fantasies with each other. 
  • The most common fantasy is virtual group sex. People are watching adult entertainment. It feels safe during this pandemic because it’s virtual.
  • Traditionally, adult entertainment, commonly referred to as porn, has been done from a male perspective. The good news for women is that today there is more adult entertainment in the form of erotica done by women for women. 
    • There is female erotica available not just through film but also on audible.  This is important because contrary to popular belief, women are equal in our desire and how we pursue desire. We desire visual stimulation and can be aroused through auditory and reading mechanisms. 
• In addition to audible erotica, technology has filled a void especially for single people who are mainly sexting. 
  • This includes sending sensual texts or sending nude photos. I can tell that the latter makes me really nervous because we live in a culture where sabotage can happen. 
    • Ana’s advice is to proceed with caution, to share photos with only those you trust completely, and try to avoid sending images with your face in it (though I think with the availability of editing tools, such as photoshop, this might still not be full-proof. I still think it’s risky. I err on the side of text-based sensual messages. I think at the end of the day, it depends on your level of comfort. It may be okay for some of you and not for others. 
• According to research conducted by Match, young single people are opting for roommate sex; i.e., having sex with a non-romantic partner. Though this is not a tech option, it’s considered safe because you’re doing it with the person you’re quarantined with. And Did you know, there is a scientific term for this practice?  It’s called “situation sexual behavior.) It is defined as “sexual behavior that one expresses in situations or circumstances in which they are unable to express their normal, preferred patterns of sexuality” which makes total sense. 
• Okay, so fine, it looks like, with technology, women can still pursue their sexuality from afar, which is great! But the jury is still our on whether you can find intimacy at the same time, which leads us to our second question: 
• How can you socially distance and be intimate at the same time? 

• The overwhelming solution! 
  • Sex toys! Since the coronavirus began, sex toys have increased, in some cases up to 600% in sales! Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either.
    • These include sales of Teledildonics! You guessed it “smart dildos” which are hi-tech, interactive, internet-based, and blue-toothed-enabled sex toys for women, men, and couples. Some of these toys can even talk to you. You or your partner can turn them on from a distance to stimulate you or each other.  It’s really not far-fetched when you think about it. Just think of your ability to turn on your alarm system when you're away from home. Same concept. 
    • Exploring fantasies with sex toys, such as using sex toys with yourself or with each other or opening sex toys in front of your partner are other ways to pursue intimacy 
• For single women, it’s as simple as leveraging video chatting apps, such as Facetime, WhatsApp, or any other platforms out there 

Whether it’s seeking sexual stimulation from adult entertainment, audible, erotica, or smart sex toys, it’s evident that the possibilities for women to pursue sexual pleasure during COVID19 and beyond are endless.

Women have long accepted the status quo of male-centered pleasure. I hope the tools, tips, and tricks from our conversation today will empower you to own your desire for pleasure and help you navigate your sex life from a woman-centered approach during this pandemic and beyond.

That’s all for our show today. Thank you for tuning in! Be sure to subscribe to our podcasts on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Pandora. 

Also, if you want to learn more about this topic, head over to our blog gapmuse.com to access the list of resources that Ana compiled to help us pursue the pleasure we deserve. It includes the books and links to articles she referenced during our conversation as well as the names of the most popular adult entertainment sites for women. Also, don’t forget to connect with our Facebook community at gapmuseWomen to continue this conversation and many more along the way.

Until next time, stay safe and find the inspiration to live your best life.