1. How can we help women who have experienced domestic violence to move from surviving to thriving?
2. What is the right approach?
Every year thousands of women across the globe are murdered by their intimate partners. The situation is so dire that the prevalence of domestic violence around the world has been labeled the shadow pandemic. The women who are lucky enough to get away from their abusers are often stuck in survival mode, unable to move past their trauma to thrive.
In this episode, I sat down with Leticia Francis, a business mindset coach, who herself suffered years of domestic abuse at the hands of her intimate partner. We discuss her story of not just how she survived the trauma, but most importantly, how she started a new life, took back control of her life, and thrived!
We hope her incredible story and journey from survival to thriving will inspire women who have been through similar domestic abusive experiences to take the necessary steps to move past their trauma so they live a purposeful, meaningful, and fulfilling life. In a nutshell, thrive!
Get access to Leticia's must-have FREE workbook to help you find your bigger purpose in life and thrive. Details available at the end of our podcast conversation.
Subscribe to HerCanvas today to get your answers to the questions that matter most to you, and ultimately, find the inspiration to live your best life.
1. How can we help women who have experienced domestic violence to move from surviving to thriving?
2. What is the right approach?
Every year thousands of women across the globe are murdered by their intimate partners. The situation is so dire that the prevalence of domestic violence around the world has been labeled the shadow pandemic. The women who are lucky enough to get away from their abusers are often stuck in survival mode, unable to move past their trauma to thrive.
In this episode, I sat down with Leticia Francis, a business mindset coach, who herself suffered years of domestic abuse at the hands of her intimate partner. We discuss her story of not just how she survived the trauma, but most importantly, how she started a new life, took back control of her life, and thrived!
We hope her incredible story and journey from survival to thriving will inspire women who have been through similar domestic abusive experiences to take the necessary steps to move past their trauma so they live a purposeful, meaningful, and fulfilling life. In a nutshell, thrive!
Get access to Leticia's must-have FREE workbook to help you find your bigger purpose in life and thrive. Details available at the end of our podcast conversation.
Subscribe to HerCanvas today to get your answers to the questions that matter most to you, and ultimately, find the inspiration to live your best life.
What is a shadow pandemic. If you don't know you're not alone. I was wondering the same thing until I dug a little deeper. It is the thousands of women murdered every year in the hands of their husbands, boyfriends, or partners. The latest UN numbers indicate that 50,000 women are killed every year by their intimate partners. Why shatter though? You might ask because unlike the current COVID-19 pandemic, these tragedies are not amplified and highlighted in the news media every day. About a couple of months ago, I came across three harrowing stories of domestic violence. Within one week. One was of a young woman in London who had been murdered by her boyfriend after calling authorities for help seven times, including the day of the murder. The second was of a senior vice-president of bank of America found murdered by her boyfriend in her home in Los Angeles. And the last was of a former Pakistani Diplomat's daughter be headed by a friend in his parents' home. I tell these stories, not for shock value, but to drive the point home that gender-based violence is a global pandemic. And one that does not discriminate according to you and women and the world health organization. One in three women globally, a victims of physical or sexual violence from a partner and sexual violence from a non-partner that 736 million women, 641 million of those are from an intimate partner. Sadly, the pandemic and quarantine made things worse for women. Domestic violence increased everywhere across the globe with some countries seeing much higher rates than others. Many women, lucky enough to escape from their abusers are oftentimes stuck in survival mode, unable to move past their trauma to thrive. So how can we help women move from surviving to thriving? What is the right approach?
Speaker 2:[inaudible]
Speaker 3:Hey, everyone, welcome to canvas a podcast where we discuss the topics that matter most to women and help us find the inspiration to live our best lives. I'm your host GDD arranger. Today I'm joined by Lataisha Francis. The t-shirt is a business mindset coach passionate about helping women get their minds, right? So they can see the success and fulfillment. They desire in their lives. Originally from the muda Latisha mountains in England, with her husband and the kids, the Tisha, his journey to becoming a business mindset. Coach has not been easy. It is a story of triumph against many odds, like many women across the globe. She endured a decade of domestic abuse in the hands of her partner. She's here today to share her story of not just how she survived the trauma, but most importantly, how she started a new life, took back control of her life and thrived. Welcome to the show Latisha.
Speaker 4:I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 3:I'm excited to have you on today. Uh, maybe you can start by telling us more about your background and your journey to becoming a business mindset coach after quite a traumatic experience earlier in your life.
Speaker 4:No worries. So, as you mentioned, I'm originally from Bermuda. I was born and raised there. Um, at the age of seven, I was told by a family member that my bar was the reason for my parents divorced. Both parents remarried birth parents, remarried people that had zero interests of being in my life, which led to emotional abandonment and rejection for me. Um, as a result, I spent years looking for validation, looking for love, looking for acceptance. And as a result of that, I ended up in a relationship with a man that was twice my age at the age of 14, he was what I had considered my Knight in shining armor, if I'm honest, because at that time, my relationship with my parents was very contentious. I felt very rejected unaccepted by them, which essentially pushed me into his arms. And he spent quite a bit of time grooming me. And obviously as a child, that age 14, even though I thought I was a woman, I thought I knew what I needed to do in my life. I really did it. And he spent a long period of time Greely me. There was a lot of psychological abuse that came along with that relationship. And obviously as a child, I wasn't aware of what was happening. So he used to constantly remind me that my parents didn't love me, that he was the only person that actually cared for me, that I essentially owed my life to him. Um, when I was 17, let me just say this. The first time he put his hands on me, I was 15 going on 16. And I knew that that was not what a healthy relationship looked like. I knew that no man should be putting my hands, putting his hands on me and I left the relationship. But when I turned 17, I was in my 17th year. I had gotten into a fight with my mother and I put my hands on my mother. She essentially got a restraining order against me. I received a letter a couple of days later from her lawyer saying that I was no longer allowed at her property. And if I returned, I will be removed by the police. I didn't have a relationship with my father at that time. So rare was I supposed to go as a teenager? He's put her hands on my, their mother. And of course my mother has to all of my relatives and I'm the problem, right? So I call this man and ask him, can he take me in? And he took me in and essentially he made me feel like I was indebted to him. I owed him my life. Um, and I, he eventually married him and I was 19. And I endured years of physical abuse, mental torture, um, until the relationship came to an an as a result of him stabbing me and I was laughed at the age of 22 having to rebuild my life. And that sounds so crazy that, you know, at 22, you're rebuilding, but that's what I was doing. I had to press reset. And I was doing that alone while living in a homeless shelter. And for me, I thought that life would magically change once I ended that relationship, but unfortunately, things got worse for me. And I spent nearly 10 years having to step outside of where I was. I spent 10 years stuck in survival mode, if I'm honest. Um, and which looked like for me, accessing drinking a continuous toxic situation ships, I can't even call them relationships because they were not that. Then I entered relationships with people. I entered relationships with people who were emotionally unavailable to me, which created further trauma for me. I ended up in relationships with drug addicts, with married man. And as a result of my relationships, I ended up in jail. I was arrested on my job. Um, Vich, which was my, my, my, my breaking point, my rock bottom. I remember being in jail and my mom saying to me, why do you love everyone else more than you love yourself? That was the beginning of my, and my journey to getting out of survival mode. And as a result of the work that I did on myself, I eventually left Bermuda and I moved to England. I focused heavily on my commercial insurance career and eventually got to a point where I realized that I was still coasting in life. And I wasn't comfortable with that anymore. I worked with a coach during the period of time between being in jail and moving to England. And that really transformed my life. And I was reminded of that when I was looking for fulfillment and looking for purpose in life. And that is how I ended up becoming a coach. I am really passionate about helping women address their narratives because my narrative kept me in an endless cycle of south sabotage for years. And I understand the importance of self-awareness and coming to the place where you are taking control of your own life. And I thought it was sitting my journey allowed me to get to a place of wanting to give back to others. And that is how my business was barfed.
Speaker 3:Wow. What an amazing story. You know, when, um, we connected, you just mentioned a little bit of it and I was intrigued and moved by it, but now listening to your complete journey, it's even more phenomenal and amazing how much you have endured and survived and thrived. I'm so excited to have you on there, really, because I think your story is one of inspiration. It's one of triumph and, you know, frankly, it's one that many women can relate to who have been through similar experiences, some more traumatic, or maybe less traumatic, but you know, abuse is abuse, right? Um, so let's dive into some questions because I'm really intrigued by this notion of, uh, not really focusing on survival or getting stuck in survival. So why are you opposed to the term survival in relation to domestic violence?
Speaker 4:The reason why I am a purse to using survival, um, in reference to domestic violence is because survival is not the final destination, the glorify being a survival. You know, he writes songs about it. I'm a survivor, I'm gonna go give up. But then we are in survival mood. Most of us don't even realize that we're there. We sit in a place of fear. We are, our, our actions are fueled by anxiety and anticipation of, then we need to survive. Again. My self sabotage lasted longer than my actual abuse. And that was because I was running away from the healing that I had to do in my mind. Okay. I didn't die. And that was for me was good enough, but I became complacent and my complacency allowed me to continue to experience those events older. They will not physical abuse. I was still in situations of abuse. I was abusing myself if I'm honest, because I did not allow myself to process the pain to process the healing that I needed in order for me to begin to thrive. A lot of us who survive domestic abuse situations, often label ourselves as victim. When we are a victim, we essentially give away our power. We resign ourselves to the fact that life is happening to us instead of us happening to life. So for me, getting comfortable with being a survivor, telling a story of being a victim only impacts us. And it impacts us in a negative way. Then we start moving away from victim hood or survival mood. That is when we actually draw my engineer, who has a Korean. I absolutely cannot could it verbatim, but she essentially said survival was not my E being a thriver was right. And I think, you know, for me, those words are significant. The words that we use are significant. And I just, I don't like using survivor because survivor indicates being in survival mode. It indicates living through that stress over and over, unable to take that and move forward. I think as women, as anyone, this is not just to women, anyone that has survived trauma has experienced trauma. We cannot be comfortable with just surviving it. Our goods should be getting through it, healing through it. And then coming on the other side of that in a way that empowers us and then also empowers others, I believe that our purpose in life is to be impactful and we cannot be impactful when we are in survival mode.
Speaker 3:That is powerful. You said so many things that, uh, uh, so powerful. You know, one of the things that you said is that when you are in survival mode, you are stuck in your trauma, right? Like you're reliving it. And to your point, that word survival is used so much that we say very nonchalantly, right? I'm surviving. And what's a powerful, as you said, because when you say you are something, you become it. So, and then the other thing that you said was that you were self-sabotaging yourself because you were running away from your pain and your healing. So you stayed in that place. And I believe that there are so many women who are listening today, who are probably stuck in that place. And just hearing your story and hearing you say, Hey, get away from that, move on from that survival mode. And, but the question then becomes how right? What is the right approach? Because I think with most things it's easiest to have been done, right? Who were so used to saying, I'm a survivor I'm surviving. And here's how I'm surviving. How do you get women to see that survival is not the place where they need to be, and that they need to move on to that they can thrive.
Speaker 4:Committing to healing is the most important thing that you can do after survival. And a lot of people do not commit to it because of the pain that's associated, right? The either move towards pleasure or away from pain. And most people find the healing process more painful than the actual events, right? So I always tell my clients or anyone that I'm talking to you consider this consider having a horrible injury, like a cot that you ignore, right? Your pain, your, your trauma is that caught the more you ignore it, do not treat it. Do not put any antiseptic on it. The quicker it becomes a festering room. I see painful. Oftentimes the scan around the area becomes infected. That is what we are doing by ignoring our healing, cleaning out that reunion, putting on the antiseptic. Yes, that's painful. Sometimes it hurts way more than the Cod itself, but addressing it and doing something about it, to help further your healing process older, that part is the most painful part each day, after which your pain decreases. So you have two choices in life. Ignore that rune, that trauma and all that will happen is the pain associated with that will continue to grow. Or you commit to the healing process. You Xperience the pain again, but the pain every day after that will continue to diminish till you get to a point where you almost forget how painful the pain was. That to me is what we all need to do in order to move beyond our trauma in order to move beyond the, the, the pain that is associated with what we've been through and to start really healing and really thriving.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. You know, being committed to something is not easy because then you have to really, like you said, work towards it. Um, I think what really caught my attention was the comparison you made to easier to take care of a wound because you could see it, right. And you can feel it almost sometimes when you look at a cut or something like that, and it's bleeding and you're like, oh my gosh, you know, it's right there. And the severity of it is right there. I think what makes it difficult when it's emotional or mental pains that you can't see it. So it's very easy to squash it. And I love that you gave that example because it really, it makes it visible, right? It makes the pain visible when you compare it to a cut or, you know, breaking something on your body or something like that. So I think that's going to be helpful for a lot of people when they hear it. Um, so are there any additional tools, um, other than, you know, being committed that women can tap into to help them thrive? I
Speaker 4:Like to encourage journaling journaling self-reflection that is all key to moving into a thriving situation, being self aware. A lot of times we do not realize the impact of our emotions, the impact of running away from our emotions, in some cases, and spending some time reflecting and getting honest with ourselves is so important. I think we can do that through using journal prompts. There are prompts on live the internet. If I'm honest, that are really targeted to help you start digging into what it is that you need to explore for yourself, spending those days committed to spending days journaling, exploring your emotions, getting honest about how you feel is very, very important. Self-awareness is the key to growth. Um, I often liken it to a lighthouse. Oftentimes when we are experiencing the pain associated with trauma, it can be like liking to being in the middle of the ocean. And on a dark stormy night, we really have no awareness of what is around us. What's in front of us, what's behind us and a lighthouse as we approach land is something that shines a light in a circular motion for maybe 30 seconds. But that 30 seconds is enough to light the path ahead to give us an indication of what is to come, so that it be on path to Shiprock. We have the opportunity to actually change our path, right? So having self-awareness is that it's just the same as a lighthouse. It gives us an opportunity to change our perspective and then to take action based on that change perspective, which essentially helps us to change our lives. So for me, self-awareness is definitely key. And I believe that we, if we journal, if we seek healing through professional services, this is what allows us to build that muscle that will help us to be in a position to change our perspective so that we can take action. That will move us towards where we want to actually be.
Speaker 3:It was incredible. And I have to agree with you that self-awareness is key and not the easiest thing to do to be self-aware.
Speaker 4:That's why use muscle muscle, right? Because the all habit. Yes. But it's not always bulky. It's not always bulky. So we have to do things to build up that muscle. And it's about practicing. There were points in time in my life that I was literally clueless as to how my actions were impacting me. Right. Then I began to see that I was in a position where, oh my gosh, I'm in so much control now because I can do something about it. Right.
Speaker 3:That's powerful. And one thing you also said that I didn't know about, and I'm happy that you said is that there were a journal prompts out there that can help you start John, John willing, and really exploring your emotions and being honest with yourself, which also is a tough thing to do. A lot of times when you start to be honest with yourself, at least I'm talking for myself. I find myself stopping myself sometimes because I don't want to, I don't want to go there. Um, and I think that part of healing comes from an understanding of what you're going through. And if you're not being honest with yourself, how can you even start that journey?
Speaker 4:Absolutely. And you know, that's why I said it started for commitment. If you write it is hard, we are psychologically wired to avoid pain. Our subconscious steps up and says, no girl, we are not giving on that read today because it's going to be too painful. But if we can learn to change that narrative is we can change our perspective about what pain actually is. We will see that by not addressing it via creating a pain for ourselves. And we sit in it, it's like a cat sitting in its vomit, right? We do not need to do that. So yesterday is painful and yes, we are absolutely wired to avoid pain. We either move towards pleasure or away from pain, right? So if we can change our narrative around that pain, really, uh, you know, embrace that, yes, it is painful. However, the woman that I'm going to be, or the person that I'm going to be on the other side is going to be a powerful woman or a powerful person that actually helps to reprogram our subconscious to wanting to do this because it becomes pleasurable. We have a reward at the end of this. So it's all about how we frame things, how we look at things, because that is the key. Sometimes we literally have to trick our brain into cooperate them if us and that's thoughts with the narratives that we are holding.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. Oh my gosh, this has been amazing. Now, before we close out, is there anything else that you want to add? Any additional tools?
Speaker 4:I just want to say this, if I'm honest, my favorite clue, and it's my own to walk as if every step you take is about to create an avalanche because you're here to change the world. And I believe whole heartedly. It is all responsibility to turn our mass into a message, to turn our tasks into a testimony and to share our stories so that it can be hope and inspiration to others. Then we met the last time I said to you, you know, women are selfish. We don't share our stories. Don't share our experiences, which is why a lot of us are believing that we are on this island experiencing pain, and we're not. We are a community and we become a community. When we are able to share our stories, then we are able to let go of the toxic emotions like guilt and shame associated with the experiences that we've been through. We are actually in a position to impart change on this art. All of our stories are there to serve as impact for others. And I think once we get to that place of realizing that we went through this for a reason we can van Saad being so impactful. It is my belief. If I'm honest that if we can heal the women of the world, we can change the world. So to any listeners that are out there, if you have a story that can help someone else, even if you are still walking through the darkest moments, yourself, being able to share your story, it creates a community around you that can help you move forward. Your role in life is to make an impact and you can't do it by hiding your story and being shameful of your story.
Speaker 3:We have to leave it there, cause that was just two phenomenal and powerful. Wow. There's so many quotes I can take from there. I mean, just saying that sharing your story creates a community around you is super powerful. And I believe for a lot of us, uh, for a lot of women, sometimes we lose sight of that. And we think that what we're going through is unique to us. And if only we knew that there was someone else going through that, uh, the journey to get through, it might be easier. Thank you. Thank you for joining me today and sharing your amazing story of survival and triumphs. It has been extremely insightful to me, uh, and helpful, and I'm sure to our listeners as well. I really appreciate your time with Teesha.
Speaker 4:Thank you for having me now. Our
Speaker 3:Listeners want to learn more. How can they get in touch with you?
Speaker 4:Black race coaching on Instagram or black risk coaching.com. Black is spout. Be out a Q U E. It's actually my nickname. So, uh, I spend a lot of time on Instagram. So if you reach out to me on Instagram, let me know that you've heard this podcast. We can start a conversation. I'm very chatty. I love connecting. So reach out to Sydney, say hello.
Speaker 3:That's wonderful. And then also awesome news for our listeners. The t-shirt is actually giving you a free workbook, titled five steps to finding your purpose in life. So head on over to our Facebook group, gap news women, where I will be posting the link to the guide right after the show. Once again, Latitia, thank you so much for joining us. There was so many awesome nuggets of information in here, and maybe we'll even have a part two, one day, right?
Speaker 4:I'm open. I'm definitely.
Speaker 3:It was great having you. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Survival is not the final destination. It is the beginning of the healing process. Our goal is to get through it, heal through it and come out of the other side in a way that empowers us and others around us through journaling self-reflection and self-awareness we can build a muscle. We need to change our perspective and narrative, which helps us change our lives. Because when we move from victim hood and survival, we thrive. We can not sit on the sidelines on the issue of domestic violence anymore. We've got to be loud about it until the voices of women are heard. We've got to give women the tools to survive and thrive. We have the responsibility to save lives by providing women and girls, the safety insecurity they deserve as human beings. That's all for our show today. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on apple podcasts, Spotify, Google podcasts, and Pandora. One to continue this conversation connect with our Facebook community at gap use women. As I mentioned earlier in our conversation, I will be posting Leticia's free workbook, five steps to finding your purpose in life right after the show, I will also be posting a link to a document with domestic violence prevention, advocacy, and support resources that we compiled for our gap museum and community. You can also discover more domestic violence resources on our blog. Got new start com until next time, stay safe and find the inspiration to live your best life.
Speaker 2:[inaudible].