Ever thought of doing something grand only to talk yourself out of it? Maybe you shared it with someone and their response talked you out of it. It's time to change all of that!
In this episode, I sat down with Tara Sage, a life coach, #1 bestselling author, digital nomad, made-up word lover, “brule” breaker, and blanket hog. We discuss how she has helped thousands of people worldwide to go beyond striving, wishing and "someday-ing," to experience the true freedom life has to offer.
We hope you come away inspired to rethink conventions, break some "brules," and apply the powerful life hacks and strategies she offers to create your own no-vacation-needed life.
Get access to Tara Sage's new book "The Brules of Life" along with her companion workbook to guide you along this journey of breaking "Brules." Details are available at the end of our podcast conversation.
Subscribe to HerCanvas today to get your answers to the questions that matter most to you, and ultimately, find the inspiration to live your best life.
Ever thought of doing something grand only to talk yourself out of it? Maybe you shared it with someone and their response talked you out of it. It's time to change all of that!
In this episode, I sat down with Tara Sage, a life coach, #1 bestselling author, digital nomad, made-up word lover, “brule” breaker, and blanket hog. We discuss how she has helped thousands of people worldwide to go beyond striving, wishing and "someday-ing," to experience the true freedom life has to offer.
We hope you come away inspired to rethink conventions, break some "brules," and apply the powerful life hacks and strategies she offers to create your own no-vacation-needed life.
Get access to Tara Sage's new book "The Brules of Life" along with her companion workbook to guide you along this journey of breaking "Brules." Details are available at the end of our podcast conversation.
Subscribe to HerCanvas today to get your answers to the questions that matter most to you, and ultimately, find the inspiration to live your best life.
[inaudible]
Speaker 2:Hey everyone. Welcome to her canvas, a podcast where we discuss the topics that matter most to women and help us find the inspiration to live our best lives. I'm your host coraggio today. I am joined by Tara Sage. Tara is a life coach and number one, bestselling author, a digital nomad made up word lover rule-breaker and blanket hog. She has served thousands worldwide to go beyond striving, wishing and Sunday evening to experience the true freedom life has to offer the bruise of life is the culmination and next expression of her mission to help those who feel like a burden of cage, create a life. They love so much that they never need a vacation to that end. She has taken all she's learned from my 17 year coaching career and extensive education, both in and out of the classroom to write the brules of life, a personal and provocative, how to guide to rethink con conventions, break some rules and apply powerful life hacks and strategies to create your own no vacation needed life. Welcome to the show, Tara,
Speaker 3:Thank you. I'm sad to be here to do that.
Speaker 2:And I'm so excited to have you on today. You know, I thought we could start by you telling us what is a rule.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's do it. So I'm so excited to be here and really, you know, share the number one Brule to break, to live your dream. So a Brule is slang. Um, it means rule and my book, the brules of life, 15 rules to break for a no vacation needed life, really spotlights, how to effectively apply simple, powerful life hacks and strategies to rethink conventions and live your dreams and create the kind of life that you can't wait to get up and out of bed for in the morning. So a Brule is essentially a rule that when broken makes your life better in every way.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that. And I love that you coined that term Brule. Okay. So from your 17 year experience, coaching people to live their dreams, what would you say is a number one rule to break?
Speaker 3:Okay. Well, when someone is striving, uh, for a more joyful life and has visions of what it would mean to live their dream life, what I've found too often is that they never actually pursue those dreams because they resign themselves to believing that their dreams are too big or too out of reach for them. So the Brule and commonly held status quo convention at, at play here is to be realistic, right? Be realistic. That's just one of the 15 rules. And in my book, so to let's debunk this Brule here today, right? I, I always do my best to start by really helping people understand first that it's by design, that dreams challenge your understanding of what's realistic, right? Bringing dreams to life by design requires going beyond what feels comfortable or normal or expected or easy or average or realistic. And ironically, when people water their dreams down to something that feels more quote, unquote realistic, what they're actually doing is watering down their dream propelling fuel, because, and if you're listening, I think this is a writer downer, um, because only the real dreams have power. So I want to give a quick example of this. Um, say for example, you dream of traveling around the world, but then there's this voice inside you or someone in your life perhaps that says, well, that's unrealistic. So realizing you've never been to Ohio, maybe instead you settle on the idea of taking a trip to Ohio now to data. I'm sure you can feel it like how the energy and the momentum of that dream to travel around the world is just like lost. It's like totally loses its mojo. Yeah. So it's like letting all the air out of the tires and the truth is from that place, from that energy, you're more than likely not even going to Ohio. Right. You're just stuck at the gas station feeling deflated. Yeah. So energetically the fuel behind the real dream, the big dream, the dream that has you currently believing, it might be unrealistic and made. Therefore you feel inclined to like shrink it down that one, right. Hold on to that. It's super important to honor the fullness of your dream, the fullness of your desire or what you're wanting and protect the energy behind it, because otherwise the truth and the power and the fuel of that dream gets lost. So does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Actually, as you were talking, I remembered I was listening to, you know, who Sara Blakely is. And yesterday there was a new story that came out that she gave, um, her employees, like two first-class tickets to travel to wherever they want to go to. And then also a$10,000 check because obviously if you travel somewhere, you need some, you know, to stay in a nice place and all of that stuff. Yeah. And, um, she was saying that when she came up with the idea of a Spanx, she didn't tell anybody for a full year, not her parents, not friends, no one. And the reason she did that is because a lot of times when you don't protect your idea, like when you share your idea, you know, people have all kinds of opinions and many of the times they're telling you, well, you know, I don't know if that's possible, right? Or, oh my gosh, how are you even going to start doing that? Or like, who's going to wear that, or where are you going to get the money to do that? And it's really deflating, right? And then you start having self doubt and then you start thinking, well, maybe this is too big of a, of an idea or of a dream. It really does suck the air out of you and the energy I like that you use the word energy. Like it takes the energy away from it. And I liked that. You said you have to protect that energy at all costs. So it really resonates.
Speaker 3:Yes. Yes. It's a judgment call when you share your dream for sure. Um, I, I don't recommend keeping it a secret, um, necessarily either because that's how you make your dream real in the world is through sharing it. But I absolutely understand, um, protecting it from those that, you know, will be naysayers because, um, you know, that's, that can be a lot of energy cost to you while you're trying to get something going. And, um, why not? Why not just skip that part?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Yeah. Now what do you encourage people to do about those dreams in their hearts that feel unrealistic or impossible?
Speaker 3:Okay. So if your dreams are feeling unrealistic or impossible to you right now, you are certainly not alone. As we know, right. It's entirely normal. And honestly it is part of the process in navigating that feeling. That is part of it. So I strongly encourage everyone listening to consider that ultimately dream realization is a process of self actualization. Dream realization is a process self-actualization, you know, what it's really about is who you get to become in the process of creating the outcomes you want. At least for me, you know, at least with my philosophy and my coaching approach, it's about becoming more fully alive and more fully yourself. And, you know, this is what I've seen activates potentials, um, to then be able to learn and experience what you're really capable of and in my work with clients and what ultimately was my motivation behind writing the rules of life is that I love helping people surprise themselves. I absolutely love that. I love witnessing what May 1st seem impossible or unrealistic, become a living dream. A great place to start, um, is to think back on times in your past, when you have achieved, what at first you thought you couldn't. So I encourage you to bring to mind, you know, with a loving reminder that what's possible for you now isn't necessarily limited to what feels possible to you now, right? So that can be a great reminder looking in the past. So that's a powerful way to start setting yourself up in your mind and, um, in your heart for something beyond the reaches of, of current understanding,
Speaker 2:Right? I like that the idea of looking in the past and looking at your wins or some of the ways that you have succeeded in something that maybe you didn't think you could. And I also like what you said about it's who you get to become. I like that. Yes. Sometimes you don't look at it that way. Right? You look at it as, oh my gosh, this dream I have. And it just seems so unattainable. Right. And, and you forget that it is a process that it's not going to happen in one moment, that it's step by step.
Speaker 3:Yes. And you can express gratitude to your dream right now or what it is calling you to. Right. And who you, who it's calling you to be next. Um, so that could be right here in the present with you. And it's so amazing, you know, when, when something you previously believe to be unreal becomes real, it forever changes your definition of an, uh, of realistic. Right. Um, and, and that's so cool because it challenges what you've previously thought to be true.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely. Now let's switch gears for a moment here. What happens when someone honor their deepest dreams and desires? Mm,
Speaker 3:Good question. So often people get so caught up in the risks and costs of going for it that they forget to consider the cost of not going for it. Right. Regret, never knowing what could have been never finding out what you're really capable of are all very high costs. And these are costs that directly affect happiness and wellbeing, which makes it hard to really measure the domino effect that that creates throughout all areas of your life. Honestly. And the truth is most people regret the things they don't do and the chances they didn't take, not the things that they did. So, yeah. Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Sorry to interrupt you. Do you think that has something to do with, you know, as you're growing up, you're told to be careful to be cautious, you know, sometimes to be sure that you have all your ducks in a row, do you think that may have something to do with it, that we stop ourselves from doing something because we think the risks are too great of doing it as opposed to thinking, well, what happens if I don't do it? What's the cost of me not doing it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:100%, 100%. There's so much status quo, conditioning around that idea. And depending on who you are surrounded by that messaging can really have an impact in a negative way. So, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Do you find that it's the same with both men and women or boys and girls? Or do you find that it's small with women or more with,
Speaker 3:Uh, honestly I find that it's not that different across genders. Yeah. I work with men and women. Um, there's maybe unique and different challenges about how to navigate that, but ultimately there's hurdles that are mental for, um, both to really start rethinking some of the beliefs that are embedded, um, before they can feel free to, to embark on what they want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's amazing how conditioning can have such a big impact in your life for even unconsciously, right. When you actually think about it, but, um, it can stop you from achieving quite a bit that you want to achieve
Speaker 3:100%. Yeah. And w what often happens is people put it off, right? They're just like, well, maybe someday, or, you know, maybe when I retire or maybe when I'm out of debt or the kids are grown or so-and-so thinks it's a good and gets on board, you know? Um, and with that approach, it's just like, not really hard to see how too often people defer it to someday. And the too often, someday doesn't come,
Speaker 2:You know,
Speaker 3:And something I say to clients is some days not a day of the week. Right.
Speaker 2:That's true. That is very true. What do you recommend for someone who's feeling really stuck, um, in believing that they can't have the life they want?
Speaker 3:Well, first it's so important to really take to heart the fact that it's completely normal to feel intimidated by your imagined dream life, but by really normalizing the way that you're feeling now, it can help create perspective that your feelings, aren't a reason to retreat, but rather just a normal part of stretching into new territory. That's so key, right? Deciding to pursue a dream that currently feels big or bold or out of reach is frigging brave.
Speaker 2:That's true. You
Speaker 3:Know, and at times it can feel like you're like trying to cross in a bit. Um, so I'll offer this to, um, no matter who you are or what your dream is. Um, I really found that there's, there's one universal obstacle that must be faced. And that is that you must come to see the dreams in your heart, those seedlings of potential, those glimpses of possibility, those hints of what you're capable of. You must come to see them in your mind's eye and your, in your heart as possible as realistic.
Speaker 2:That is so key because if you don't see them as realistic, then they don't exist. They don't exist anywhere. So I liked that. I liked, I liked that you framed it that way. I also liked that what you said about feelings, your feelings, about something I'm not a reason to retreat.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yup. I feel like we could use that as a quote.
Speaker 3:It's true. It's true. Just because you feel, it doesn't mean it's true. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And that you are brave to kind of move ahead and that you need a lot of, it requires a lot of courage to jump into the unknown. Um, oh, I'm loving this terror now, what would you say? Why is it so critical? Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So it's, it's so critical to see it as possible and realistic. Um, for two reasons, one, because as you said, you know, you won't see it, right. Limits are in large part self-constructed And number two, because if you really dig your heels in and insist that something is unrealistic and out of reach for you, then sadly it more than likely will be and will remain. So, you know, it's amazing to me when people are like trying so hard to convince me that they can't and I'm like, okay, well, um, I don't think that, and you won't convince me. So what would that, how would that benefit you to convince me of that? Um, so it really starts with, with the individual, it starts with you, it starts with me it's each of us is responsible for that part. So if your dreams and goals currently feel unrealistic, if you've told yourself I can't, then it's time to decide to broaden your perspective. That's really the key, um, critical piece there.
Speaker 2:Yep. I find perspective is everything totally. It really is. Um, you know, I saw this, um, and maybe this is just slightly off topic. Someone had tweeted something and then someone had taken it and made it into like a, like a quote, this was targeted towards stay-at-home arms. And it said something like men, um, don't support their wives it, and it said, women support men's careers by offering free childcare, housecleaning, housework, and managing all other family management activities. And I thought to myself, talk about shifting your perspective, right. Because the way that we think about those things in society is, oh, you're staying at home as a mom and you have been supported when really it's the other way around, you know, having two girls, two daughters, I do want them to be, uh, to always have a different perspective on things. Like if someone presents something to you, you know, explore, is there a different perspective? Is this the only perspective that there is? You know,
Speaker 3:Absolutely question it, question every question
Speaker 2:It, yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know, frankly, I have a partner, um, he loves to do grocery shopping and things of me in so many ways. So these gender roles don't necessarily, um, uh, at least in my world, they're not, they're not assumed so.
Speaker 2:Right. I think that's how we achieve a balance. We start talking about things in the perspective that we should, um, as opposed to it being one way or the other.
Speaker 3:Right, right. It's so valuable to just kind of flip the script. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And, and, you know, with that, I think this is a really great segue to our next question, which is how does someone begin to broaden their perspective about what's really
Speaker 3:All right. Okay. Good one. So I'm going to L in three steps. Okay. Cause I think these three are so key. Um, I keep using the word key, but that's the word? That's the word? Yep. Okay. So step one here, I want to say is start being willing. So if you are genuinely eager to open the door to this new kind of freedom with this key and unlock some of the new and exciting possibilities for your life, then be willing to rethink, to redefine and to expand your understanding of this idea of what's realistic. So I liken this to like the elastic band on all of our favorite sweat pants what's possible is expandable. That's true. Okay. So be willing to challenge current ideas about what's realistic and then watch your reality expand. So that's step one, step two is to ask new questions, innovation and expanding possibilities are born of outside the box thinking. So rather than ask, can I write, like, for example, using the example from earlier, can I travel around the world or maybe it's can I start my dream business or whatever it is for you write questions that start with, can I, are what's known as closed questions and in this context asking a yes or no question sets up the fear based brain to want to quickly convince you that the answer's no, if your brain can't immediately see a clear path to yes. Then it's default is no, and that's too often the end of it. So instead of all that, I want to encourage you to ask, how can I, how can I, questions are open questions, meaning you can't answer them with a simple yes or no. And the thing is, as you referenced earlier, you find what you look for, or you don't find what you don't look for. So how can I assume that it is possible? And then it has you looking for solutions and inspiration to answer the question of how so? How can I
Speaker 2:Love that?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's really powerful.
Speaker 3:It is. It's huge. Yeah. So a good third step is to do an honest inventory of your current definition of unrealistic. Like where are you with this word? So start today by noticing what you may have dismissed as unrealistic or impossible, and a good exercise to do. This is to simply grab a piece of paper and folded down the middle, the long way so that you have two columns and make a list down the left side of all the things you desire, things, including experiences, of course, that you desire, but currently believe to be unrealistic, bringing them to your awareness because awareness is all its own a very powerful step. And what it's, what you do when you do this exercise is you're disrupting the mental patterns so that you can create new ones. So make your list and see them and bring them outside of you. They're looking back at you and you're like, I see you, you're on notice. And then, you know, get ready to surprise yourself. And which kind of comes back to that first piece about be willing, because if you can think outside the box, you can create outside the box. And it's so important to understand that realistic is not a stagnant concept, right? It's an opinion, it's an opinion. Um, so the key is to intentionally allow realistic more space in your mind, in your heart and your life. So that's, that's the next step I recommend. And then once you've created that list, keep it on hand and, and really get ready and be willing to move what you wrote in that unrealistic column to the totally possible and realistic column. And the good news is even 1% possible means it ceases to be impossible. Right?
Speaker 2:I like that. I really love this idea of jotting gown. All of the things that you believe are unrealistic and then starting to be open, or like you said, willing, um, because I think it's so powerful to write things down and then to then, cause when you see something, it becomes a you're like, oh, I think I've been thinking that, but now I write it down and it's, I've made it real. Makes such a big difference.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes. It's a way to own it.
Speaker 2:It really is. Oh my gosh, this was wonderful. I got so many nuggets of great and helpful information. Thank you so much for joining us today, Tara,
Speaker 3:My pleasure
Speaker 2:And sharing your brews of life. I'm thinking I'm going to steal that word from you. Okay.
Speaker 3:I don't know. Now I'm just borrowing it to,
Speaker 2:So when it says to me and I'm like, ah, that's a rule, so thank you. I really appreciate your time. Um, now if I listen as one to learn more or get a copy of your book, brews of life and the rules of life companion workbook, how can they do that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, thanks for asking. So I'm happy to share that the brules of life is available now on amazon.com. Um, the rules of life companion workbook is also available on Amazon. And you know, if I can just tell a quick story about the workbook. Um, it was, it was really inspired by beta readers. Um, it had not occurred to me to create a companion workbook. I shared the boroughs of life book with my beta readers and every single one of them came back and said, I want a workbook to go with this. So, um, so I created one and um, I just really highly recommend buying them together because you really are a powerful pair. So, you know, the workbook has the life hacks and strategies to really support you in making it your own, not just, you know, reading about it and moving on with your day in life, but really implementing. And that's what makes the difference in your life. One Brule at a time you can apply the material and yeah. So thanks again for having me to Dita. This has been a real pleasure. It's such fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It was a lot of fun. I learned so much, you know, I'm going to put all of this information where to find the book, where to find the workbook, um, in our Facebook group, uh, gap news women, so that people have some way to reference. Um, and I can't wait to read it. I can't wait. Yeah. So once again, thanks for joining us, Tara. It was great having you,
Speaker 4:Your dreams are not too big or too out of reach, rethink your understanding of what's realistic. Ask how you can achieve your dream. It's time to break out your list of all the things you shout because you think they are unrealistic and challenge yourself to move them to the realistic side. Getting out of your comfort zone to venture into the unknown is an act of bravery and courage used a discomfort that you feel and the energy that comes from it to propel you towards your dream. It's time to break some rules. That's all for our show today. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on apple podcasts, Spotify, Google podcasts, and Pandora. One to continue this conversation connect with our Facebook community at gap moose women. As I mentioned earlier in our conversation, I will be posting Tara's book, the bruise of life along with a companion workbook to the group, right after the show, you can also find both on amazon.com and till next time, stay safe and find the inspiration to live your best life.
Speaker 1:[inaudible].