Satan is my Superhero
LAUGH YOUR WAY TO HELL!
Satan Is My Superhero is a fast-paced, satirical comedy podcast that drags religion, conspiracy theories, and cultural myths straight to Hell.
Join sarcastic Aussie/Kiwi hosts Judas and Lexi, two atheists with punk rock souls, as they serve up a blasphemous mix of sharp biblical breakdowns, myth-busting satire, original music, and tightly written sketch comedy.
Each episode is a deep dive into the absurdities of satanic panic, prosperity gospel grifters, biblical lore, occult history, and supernatural nonsense. Expect biting televangelist parodies, studio-recorded comedy sketches, and a killer soundtrack from comedy punk band The Genuine Hoots of Joy.
This isn't your average comedy podcast. It's for the misfits, the weirdos, the godless, and the damned—made for ex-believers, skeptics, and lore nerds who’d rather dance with demons than pray for forgiveness.
Satan is my Superhero
Hallucinating Heaven: Unpacking Revelation Chapter 4
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Have you ever wondered what happens when ancient religious texts and hallucinogenic experiences collide? Our latest deep dive into the Book of Revelation might just convince you that John of Patmos was experiencing something far more chemical than divine.
Taking you straight through heaven's door in Chapter 4, we explore John's fantastical descriptions of beings that shine like precious stones, a floor made of glass "like unto crystal," and creatures covered in eyes with faces of lions, calves, men, and eagles. We compare these vivid visions to documented medical cases of hallucinations, including a fascinating 2022 paper describing patients who see "colourful crystal sheens" during altered states of consciousness. The parallels are undeniable and hilarious.
The biblical connections run deep as we trace John's inspiration to earlier prophets like Ezekiel and Isaiah, showing how he borrowed elements from their visions while adding his own psychedelic twist. We dissect the significance of jasper and sardine stones, analyze the mysterious sea of glass (with at least six competing interpretations), and question whether eternal existence spent repeating "Holy, holy, holy" truly represents paradise.
Our irreverent analysis adds yet another theory to what Revelation might actually be – beyond prophecy, coded rebellion literature, xenophobic propaganda, or incel manifesto, we now must consider "hallucination dream journal" as a strong possibility. Whether you're a skeptic, a believer, or somewhere in between, our comedic breakdown offers fresh insights into this ancient text that continues to fascinate and perplex readers across millennia. Listen now, and remember – as we always say at the end – that's why Satan is my superhero.
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Welcome to Satan Is My Superhero
Speaker 1Welcome to Satan Is my Superhero. So cool, so cool. In this episode, we continue breaking down the book of Revelation.
Speaker 3Previously on Satan Is my Superhero. We've already learned that author John of Patmos claims to have been visited by the Holy Ghost and has taken dictation from Jesus himself.
Speaker 4Now, John, I want you to write down everything I say.
Speaker 2Now, John, I want you to write down everything. I say no, don't write that part. No, don't write that part.
Speaker 3We've also had a glimpse into John's interpersonal relationships with fellow second century Christians.
Speaker 2I really like what you've done with your hair, Jezebel. Oh really yes, it detracts from what a slut you are.
Speaker 5John of Patmos. Report to HR immediately.
Speaker 2But I didn't say slut was a bad thing, but I didn't say slut was a bad thing.
Speaker 3In chapter four, our intrepid explorer of the imagination, John of Patmos, takes us all the way to heaven. Don't forget to visit the gift shop. So now let's get straight into verse one. John has just taken the Christ's dictation.
Speaker 2After this, I looked and behold, a door was opened in heaven, and the first voice which I heard was, as it were, of a trumpet talking with me, which said Come up hither and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter. I'm sorry but I like my gods to have a voice of thunder. Yahweh, that's your voice, a trumpet you could have chosen all the sounds in the universe.
] Exploring Jasper and Sardine Stone Visions
Speaker 2and you landed on a trumpet, Verse 2. And immediately I was in the spirit. And behold, a throne was set in heaven and one sat on the throne, Do you?
Speaker 1think, when John says In the spirit, he means yes, but let's keep reading and find out.
Speaker 3Verse 3.
Speaker 2And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone, and there was a rainbow round about the throne in sight, like unto an emerald Jasper and sardine stone, a rainbow, who was John's in-the-spirit dealer.
Speaker 6I'll have what he's having.
Speaker 3am I right? Okay, let's break this down.
Speaker 2So first, and he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone.
Speaker 1John saw a sardine sitting on a throne.
Speaker 3That was a dolphin.
Speaker 1Yeah, I couldn't find a sardine sound effect Like they don't even. I don't even think they make them.
Speaker 3And you thought the vocalisations of a mammal not sharing a common ancestor with sardines for at least 400 million years was an adequate replacement?
Speaker 1Well, I did.
Speaker 3Anywho, there wasn't a sardine or a dolphin sitting on the throne.
Speaker 4Boo Dolphin hater.
Speaker 3Jasper is a type of quartz. While it's not specified here, jasper comes in all colours, but most commonly green.
Speaker 5Which one? The olive one looks nice, yeah, but what if the Lord's rocking one of the green jaspers? Does it really matter? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 3I don't want to wear the wrong skirt and clash with Yahweh Sardine stone is a red semi-precious mineral known these days as carnelian.
Speaker 1Did they call it sardine? Because back in John's day it was packed tightly into cans? Because back in John's day it was packed tightly into cans.
Speaker 2No, it was a major export of the city, sardis, so no sardines were used in the making of this Bible passage.
Speaker 3That was a dolphin.
The Sea of Glass Explained
Speaker 1So, as mentioned so long ago, while in the spirit, john saw a being that he described as looking like precious stones, I'm not saying I have any experience with hallucinogens and I'm not saying that I've known lots of people with experience of hallucinogens. But if I did, I would say this vision of beings that shine like precious stones is very common. I call them gem people, or I would, if I had ever seen them.
Speaker 3Yes, this particular hallucination is so common. I googled common hallucinations.
Speaker 7That would explain why my feed is now filled with Russian bots trying to sell me mushrooms.
Speaker 1Don't fall for it, TTs. They're a rip-off. So I've heard Nothing to see here.
Speaker 3Look away, look away. The first academic paper I came across was published on the National Library of Medicine's website in 2022. Two thousand and twenty-two Twenty-twenty-two Fuck. The very first case that paper details is a 57-year-old man with a history of type 2 diabetes mellitus presented with sudden-onset onset, fully formed visual hallucinations. The paper then goes on to describe the man's experience. He described the appearance of multiple normal-sized and proportioned people standing or sitting in the highway median in the left visual field. These people were colourful in nature but without otherwise distinct characteristics, and his distorted visual perceptions had evolved and now incorporated other abnormal visual phenomena of a colourful crystal sheen on the walls. So so, yeah. So in response to your earlier question, yes, I think we know exactly what John means when he says he was.
Speaker 1In the spirit. John has type 2 diabetes mellitus.
Speaker 3I mean maybe.
Speaker 1And now for a sketch directed by our very own TTs.
Speaker 7Internal Hospital Day Cue ambient, hospital sounds. Scene opens on the back of a nurse as she enters a critical care unit. We follow her to a bed occupied by a patient who has just experienced a near-death experience NDE. For those of us in the know, the patient speaks I went to heaven and met Jesus.
Speaker 5Did you? Next time you see the Christ, could you ask him about your insulin levels? Because while your spirit was in paradise, your body was jerking around on the floor, swallowing your tongue and shitting itself.
Speaker 7Fade out ambient hospital sounds. End scene. How did I do?
Speaker 1I have notes.
Speaker 3Okay, now back to Revelation. Also of note here is the choice of jasper and sardine stones. These two stones show up in the Old Testament. They are the first and the last of the twelve stones to be worn on the high priest's breastplate, as per the ridiculous instructions on how Yahweh is to be worshipped in the book of Exodus.
Speaker 5Excuse me, moses, will Yahweh really turn us all to ash if the first layer of curtains in the tabernacle isn't exactly 10 curtains each 8 and 20 cubits long by 4 cubits wide, of fine twined, blue, purple and scarlet linen inlaid with cherubims? Or is it just that your brother-in-law had exactly 10 curtains, each eight and twenty cubits by four cubits wide, of fine twined, blue, purple and scarlet linen inlaid with cherubims in stock at his shop?
Speaker 2Did you hear that trumpet? No, I think Yahweh is calling me Coming Lord.
Speaker 1No, I think Yahweh is calling me.
Speaker 3Coming Lord.
Speaker 2And finally, pulling apart, verse 3 gives us and there was a rainbow round about the throne in sight, like unto an emerald.
Speaker 3The rainbow could be taken to represent the rainbow placed in the sky after the flood to remind Yahweh. He promised not to wipe out humanity with a flood again.
Speaker 1That was Yahweh's post-it note.
Speaker 6No, Yahweh. The rainbow means don't wipe out all the humans, Don't kill everyone. Remember, I know, but you promised.
Speaker 3Yeah, but you'll be breaking a promise to yourself and you don't want to be that dude, do you? Most apologists I read agree that the rainbow is multi-colored, as one would expect a rainbow to be, but green is the dominant color see, this is exactly what I was talking about.
Speaker 5The olive one looks nice. You said, Does it really matter? You said yes, it fucking mattered. Now I look like an idiot in front of Yahweh. Fuck you.
Four Beast with Multiple Eyes
Speaker 2Verse 4. And round about the throne were four and twenty seats, and upon the seats I saw four and twenty elders sitting clothed in white raiment, and they had on their heads crowns of gold.
Speaker 3You might be surprised to learn. There are many theories about who these 24 elders are.
Speaker 1Many disagree.
Speaker 3These 24 elders might be the ones handpicked by King David back in the day.
Speaker 4Eeny meeny, miny moe.
Speaker 3In First Chronicles we are fed a story of David drawing lots to decide the order in which 24 priests from two prominent families would serve at the temple.
Speaker 4Okay, first lie is Jehorib. Sorry, bruh, looks like you're cleaning the toilets on Thursdays.
Speaker 6Oh man, I hate it when we draw lots.
Speaker 4Hey totes, for real, my guy Hate the game, not the player. Fuck you, David.
Speaker 3Verse 5.
Speaker 2And out of the throne preceded lightnings and thunderings and voices, and there were seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven spirits of God.
Speaker 1All right lightnings and thunderings and voices. This is the Yahweh I know and love Go away trumpet.
Speaker 6No one wants you here.
Speaker 3Now these Seven lamps of fire burning before the throne are reminiscent of the seven candlesticks from chapters one and two in this very book, but it's more likely John is referencing Exodus once again, where Moses was given very explicit instructions from Yahweh on how Yahweh ought best be worshipped. He mentioned seven very specific and elaborate lamps.
Speaker 5Excuse me, Moses, Don't you think it's weird that Yahweh specifically asks for pure gold lamps beaten into the shape of an almond tree with trunk, branches, flowers and buds, and your cousin just happens to exclusively make pure gold lamps beaten into the shape of an almond tree with trunk, branches, flowers and buds?
Speaker 2Did you hear that trumpet? No, I think Yahweh is calling me Coming Lord.
Speaker 3Verse 6.
Speaker 2And before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal, and in the midst of the throne and round about the throne were four beasts full of eyes, before and behind.
Speaker 4Ew, I can see my own butthole. I can see my own butthole.
Speaker 2We'll get to the eyes, but first and before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal.
Speaker 3Later on in this madness, sea of glass will be mentioned again. Those who do not follow the Antichrist in the end times will get to stand on the sea of glass.
Speaker 5So this is the reward for denying temptation. Standing on glass, I feel a bit ripped off.
Speaker 3I think the sea of glass is pretty simply heaven's floor.
Speaker 1Is Bob Dylan knocking on it?
Speaker 3What? No? Anyway, my heaven's floor theory is just one of the many, many explanations for what the sea of glass might be.
Speaker 1I'm very surprised You've found division among Christians.
Hallucination or Divine Revelation?
Speaker 3Here are just the first six expert explanations I've found.
Speaker 2It's time for a list. Oh yeah, it's that list. Time Screwed you up, yeah.
Speaker 3One. This sea represents a sea of people, the whole human race.
Speaker 1Gross.
Speaker 3Two, the blood of Christ.
Speaker 1Why would it be that?
Speaker 3Three, the wading pool in the OG tabernacle.
Speaker 1Wouldn't it be the other way around? The wading pool in the OG tabernacle would be the representation of the sea, of you know what, you know what. Forget about it. I'm getting drawn into this madness. Carry on with your list.
Speaker 3Four, a medium for all entering heaven to be baptised. That's kind of the waiting pool again. But whatever Five, the earth's atmosphere, signifying heaven, sits directly on top of our world, which is pretty much my heaven's floor theory.
Speaker 1Where we can upskirt the angels.
Speaker 3And six. It's a metaphor. Just like the sea under Yahweh exist many mysterious things.
Speaker 1Like dolphins and their very, very close cousins sardines.
Speaker 3The list goes on and on.
Speaker 7Trust me, the list gets dumber. I had to limit her to six.
Speaker 3There is one more.
Speaker 7I failed.
Speaker 3My favourite was that it is the looking glass through which Yahweh looks down on the world.
Speaker 4And that's why I always masturbate under the blanket.
Speaker 1Perhaps John just imagined a really well polished floor, and not that I know from experience. But a polished floor can have a powerful effect on you when you're tripping balls flaw can have a powerful effect on you when you're tripping balls.
Speaker 4Oh wow, I can see myself in the floor. It's like I'm looking straight into my own soul. I can see everything, like that time I kissed michael buckingham's ex on the swings. I don't think she was even that into it. I'm such a shit person all right.
Speaker 3In verse seven we get to hear more about these four beasts.
Speaker 2And the first beast was like a lion, and the second beast like a calf, and the third beast had a face as a man and the fourth beast was like a flying eagle.
Speaker 1All right, this is what I'm here for.
John Takes Us to Heaven
Speaker 3These four beasts sound a lot like the ones found in Ezekiel, except Ezekiel's were more human-like in their main body. Ezekiel calls them living creatures. They have four wings and calf feet that shine like burnished bronze. Can I just say, darling, I love the wings. The wings are hot, the wings are sexy. The wings are sexy. The wings are now the little calf feet. What are you going for there? According to Ezekiel, each of these winged living creatures, according to Ezekiel, each of these winged living creatures had four faces.
Speaker 2As for the likeness of their faces, they four had the face of a man and the face of a lion on the right side, and they four had the face of an ox on the left side. They four also had the face of an ox on the left side.
Speaker 3They four also had the face of an eagle. So John has taken Ezekiel's lion, ox man and eagle faces and spread them over four different beasts.
Speaker 1I feel like that would make relationships easier.
Speaker 3Don't you turn your cow face on me?
Speaker 2Uh moo.
Speaker 3Ezekiel also talks about each of his four living creatures being accompanied by a wheel-shaped creature covered in eyes.
Speaker 1I'm sorry what.
Speaker 3Yes, a wheel filled with multiple wheels. The rims of each of these multiple wheels is covered in eyeballs.
Speaker 1These are the moments when you think Maybe this book isn't made up, because who would make this up?
Speaker 4Probably someone who's in the spirit.
Speaker 3These eye-covered wheels move with the four living creatures. And Ezekiel says move with the four living creatures.
Speaker 2And Ezekiel says the spirit of the living creature was in the wheels.
Speaker 1I've known dudes like that oh love car.
Speaker 3John simplified Ezekiel's creature design by losing the wheel and incorporating the eyes into the four beasts themselves. Ew, I can see my own butthole. I can see my own butthole. Side note, there are also four beasts mentioned in Daniel and Daniel is certainly an influence on John but those four beasts- are just not quite the same.
Speaker 6Suck it, daniel, your beasts suck. I said suck twice. I just feel like that could have been composed better Is this a fast draft.
Speaker 2Verse eight and the four beasts had, each of them, six wings about them and they were full of eyes within, and they rest not day and night saying Holy, holy, holy Lord, God Almighty, which was and is and is to come.
Speaker 3So Ezekiel's living creatures only had four wings, but in another book from the Old Testament, the seraphim described by Isaiah have six wings and buzz around the head of Yahweh, screeching.
Speaker 6Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts.
Speaker 3The whole world is filled with glory, which is pretty much exactly what John of Patmos just said.
Speaker 1An eternity of six winged monsters buzzing around your head, chanting the same thing over and over. Of course, that's how Yahweh spends eternity.
Speaker 6Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts. The whole world is full of his glory. Do you think we can?
Speaker 5stop now. Would you like to be turned into a pile of ash Holy holy, holy is the Lord of hosts.
Speaker 6The whole earth is full of his glory.
Speaker 3I feel confident making the case. John's four beasts are a combination of Ezekiel's living creatures and Isaiah's seraphim. But just to be aware, as always, Many disagree.
Speaker 4It's definitely not the obvious and simple thing. It's actually very obscure and I couldn't possibly explain it to you. It's definitely not the obvious and simple thing.
Speaker 5It's actually very obscure and I couldn't possibly explain it to you. It's too complicated.
Speaker 3Is it though? Yeah, verse 9.
Speaker 2And when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat on the throne, who liveth forever and ever.
Speaker 6Heaven sounds fun. Thank you, yahweh, for creating us to exist forever in this place Praising you over and over every moment of every day, forever and ever. We totally don't wish for the sweet relief of oblivion, every single moment of every single day.
Speaker 3Verses 10 and 11.
Speaker 2The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth forever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying thou art worthy, oh lord, to receive glory and honor and power, for thou hast created all things I know you mentioned it earlier, but there was way too much other stuff going on.
Speaker 1What are priests doing wearing crowns?
Speaker 3The priestly class wear crowns in the Bible. When else can they larp it up, if not in their own book? If I wrote a book about my made up bullshit, I would have a crown too.
Speaker 6Holy, holy holy Lord Alexei, which was, and is and is to come.
Speaker 3You don't have to worship us forever. A simple five star rating will do. I mean, maybe a bit of worshipping would be nice, but we'll just take the rating for now Five stars. Did I mention that? Five stars?
Speaker 1What can we take away from Chapter 4 of the Book of Revelation? From the start, we've been tracking three main theories as to what this madness is.
Speaker 3Prophecy, coded rebellion literature or xenophobic propaganda.
Speaker 1In our last chapter we uncovered evidence to suggest it might also be an incel manifesto.
Speaker 6It's called X now.
Speaker 1I think we have to add yet another option to the list. Hallucination Dream Journal.
Speaker 5But it wasn't a dream. It was a place and you and you, and you and you were there.
Speaker 3Yeah, and the people who believe this nonsense are in charge of nuclear weapons? Surely this is the dream.
Speaker 1Let's close our eyes, click our heels together three times and repeat after Dorothy.
Speaker 5There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.
Patreon and Closing Outtakes
Speaker 1Nope, still here, and that's why Satan is my superhero. Thank you so much for listening Rate review. Subscribe all that podcast stuff, but most of all, please give us money.
Speaker 2Go to patreoncom Forward slash Satan is my superhero.
Speaker 1If you join our Patreon at the third circle of hell, you'll receive access to exclusive Content like this so we're doing Part four of the book of revelations With the bible, the book of Revelations.
Speaker 6Sure, sure, sure. The book of revelations was a bible. The book of revelations, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Oh my god, just say the crystal gems from Steven Universe. There's no need for all of these fancy words.
Speaker 5I can't make this without me I can't. There are only two genders beer and livery.
Speaker 6It's the first openly gay president.
Speaker 5I'm all credits.
Speaker 2I'm a check please.
Speaker 6Oh God, let's cut all that, cut, cut, cut the last 10 minutes from your memory, maybe the real superhero or the satan we made along the way.