Worst Sketches 2024

 In this episode we replay our biggest mistakes, the worst sketches from 2024. When we say worst. Of course we don’t really mean they’re the worst. Except for maybe, the first one. It’s the Rev Stef doing Slayer doing The Phantom of the Opera…

...so yeah. 

But there’s fun stuff like Jezebel, she’s pretty promiscuous (allegedly). And Lord Byron he’s very promiscuous (definitely). There’s demonic Vocaloids, Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel! The Wanky Pranks guy is back. 

There’s sketches about Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Motley Crue, Ratt, Taylor Swift, Shirley Temple and Motorhead. It’s a spectrum. 

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Transcript

 Worst of Sketches 2024

In this episode we replay our biggest mistakes, the worst sketches from 2024. When I say worst. Of course I don’t really mean they’re the worst. Except for maybe, the first one.

008 [ARAYA, ‘And though you turn from me to glance behind, The Phantom of the Opera is there, Inside your mind.’]

 I’m sorry about that. That was from the Show No Mercy episode. I'm sure this next one will be better. It's from, oh dear.

BOR02: 44 [JEZEBEL, ‘John! Did you write this memo about me?’

JOHN, ‘Oh, well I, I don, don’t know? Which one? I mean, memo? What are you talking about?’

JEZEBEL, ‘The memo that says, ‘She repented not!’

JOHN, ‘Oh! No…that… was… actually… Jesus (?) who wrote that memo. Yeah, yeah it was Jesus. He used my scroll.’

(BEAT)

JOHN, ‘I actually like sluts.’

BRIANNA OVER INTERCOM, ‘John of Patmos, report to H.R. immediately.’

JOHN, ‘God damn it Brianna!’]

Well that John of Patmos is awful. I hope we don't hear any more from him. Here are the Black Sabbath boys doing a cameo in the Iron Maiden episode.

015 [TONI, ‘Hey Ozzie, what are you doing?’

OZZIE, ‘I'm arranging strings.’

(BEAT)

OZZIE, ‘Put the yellow string next to the blue string!’

(BEAT)

OZZIE, ‘It's a lot easier than the professionals would have you believe.’]

You never hear any good, Han uhkkah jokes. This sketch from Antichrist in Jerusalem only proves my point.

048 [PRIEST, ‘Behold this bottle of sauce I’ve had on my fridge since 2019!’

WORSHIPPERS, ‘All praise the sauce bottle.’

PRIEST, ‘It truly is a miracle.’]

While being known as a Bay Area band, Metallica actually came out of the same L.A. scene that produced Motley Crue and Rat. I'm sure you can understand why they keep that on the downlow.

KEA: 012 [ROCKER, ‘Did you hear some guy broke a string at a rock show last night?

PUNK, ‘Oh my God! Is everyone okay?’

ROCKER, ‘No. No they're not. I don't think the LA metal scene will ever recover from this. Some of the other bands have started wearing make-up just to distance themselves from the whole incident.’]

Lord Byron was one strange dude, right? 

LBSSoP: 029 [CRITIC, ‘I demand satisfaction!’

BYRON, ‘Ooh I love satisfaction. What did you have in mind?’

CRITIC, ‘Pistols at dawn!’

BYRON, ‘Ooh you can point your pistol at me anytime.’ 

CRITIC, ‘Forget about it. I don't want to duel you now. You made it weird.’] 

In Taylor Swift Satanic Witch, we found she doesn't just sell more concert tickets than our favourite metal bands, she also causes more Christian out rage. It doesn't seem fair. She's not even trying.

06 [FLERF, ‘Taylor Swift practices witchcraft!’

CROWD, ‘Yeah!’

FLERF, ‘Taylor Swift's witchcraft is the reason America is losing its place in the world!’

CROWD, ‘Yeah!’

FLERF, ‘Taylor Swift's witchcraft is the reason I keep getting caught masturbating in public!’

CROWD, ‘Yea...what? What did he say? I think he said he masturbates in public?’]

The kids wrote the Vocaloid is Demon and Satanic episode, so of course they brought back their favourite character. The Wanky Pranks guy.

53 [BANDIT, ‘Hey guys welcome back to my channel.’ 

JINGLE, ‘Wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank. Wank Pranks!’

BANDIT, ‘Today we’re going to wanky prank my neighbourhood with some miracles. First of all, walking on water.’

CROWD, ‘Ooooohhhh!’

LONER, ‘Hey look at that dude walking on water!’

BANDIT, ‘Next I’m turning water into wine.’

CROWD, ‘Aaaahhhhhh’

LONER, ‘This water tastes like shit, but it gets me wasted.’

BANDIT, ‘And finally I’ll give this blind man his sight back.’

CROWD, ‘Ooooooohhhhh!’

BLINDMAN, ‘I can see! I can see!’

LONER, ‘What kind of evil magic is this?’

BANDIT, ‘Nah it’s just a prank.’

LONER, ‘Nail him to a cross!’

CROWD, Nail him to a cross! Nail him to a cross! Nail him to a cross!’

SFX BANDIT BEING NAILED TO A CROSS

BANDIT, ‘Oh Mr Beast why have you forsaken me!’

LONER, ‘Now let’s bury him in a cave.’

SPONGEBOB FRENCHY, ‘Three days later.’

MARY, ‘It’s been three days where’s his body?’

JINGLE, ‘You’ve been wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank. Wanky Pranked!’

MARY, Did he just say I got wanked?’]

Speaking of metal losing to Taylor Swift in the war over the hearts and out rage of christians everywhere, this one is from Wasp.

07 [KANE, ‘I quit this stupid band!’

LAWLESS, ‘It's your band Arthur!’

KANE, ‘Then I double quit!’]

Before you get upset at the way we treat Shirley Temple, in this next sketch, please keep in mind, she was a Republican. 

PRFAC: 29 [TEMPLE SINGING, ‘On the good ship lollipop…’ 

SFX smack

MCCLOSKEY, ‘Firetruck you Shirley Temple! It's not your turn.’

TEMPLE SOBBING AND SINGING, ‘On the good ship lollipop.’]

Take this next song as your one and only warning. 

D: 12 [CAST, ‘The machines are coming!’

ROBOT, ‘Extermination time bitches.’]

You have been warned. Now, speaking of Republicans and the lies they tell.

CtGCL: 33 [TIRIDATES, ‘I'm instituting a new state-wide religion.’

CITIZEN, ‘This is going to mean more taxes isn't it?’

TIRIDATES, ‘No! No, no, no. No new TAXES.’

CITIZEN, ‘Oh? Okay, cool.’

TIRIDATES, ‘There'll be a tithe.’]

By now you should have realised, we’re not big fans of Christians. They are,

[CHOIR OF ANGELS, ‘Hypocritical.’]

In Helluva Boss Hazbin Hotel: Everything is Demons Everything is Cannibals, we asked the question, what does Jesus think about them?

33 [ANIC, ‘Jesus? Is that you?

JESUS, ‘Yes and I order that you stop mentioning me every chance you get.’

ANIC, ‘What do you mean?’

JESUS, ‘Stop talking about me. You're personally responsible for at least a hundred souls going to Hell. They’ve demanded to go there just to be sure they never see you ever again.’

ANIC, ‘So should I only find excuses to bring you up in the lunch room?’

JESUS, ‘Don't talk about me ever.’

ANIC, ‘What about when I run into neighbours outside their house because I've been waiting for them to come out?’

JESUS, ‘Keep my firetrucking name out of your firetrucking mouth!’

ANIC, ‘What about at school pick up?’

JESUS, ‘Fuck I hate you Anic.’]

And speaking of someone, the real Jesus would very definitely, not like, here’s some more from John of Patmos. 

[UNENTHUSIASTIC, 'Yay.'

08 [JOHN, ‘I really like what you've done with you hair, Jezebel.’

JEZEBEL, ‘Oh really?’

JOHN, ‘Yes. It detracts from what a slut you are.’

BRIANNA OVER INTERCOM, ‘John of Patmos, report to H.R. immediately.’

JOHN, ‘But I didn’t say slut was a bad thing!’]

Let's wash the taste of the original Incel, John of Patmos out of our ears with a word from Lemmy. 

05 [LEMMY, ‘I dislike religion quite intensely, actually. It’s been the cause of all the grief in the world ever since they discovered the first stone to worship.’

TRANSITION

PRIESTESS, ‘Welcome all worshippers of the round stone.’

HERETIC, ‘I would say it's more of an oblate spheroid.’

PRIESTESS, ‘Die heretic!’

CROWD, ‘Burn the heretic! Burn the heretic! Burn the heretic!’]

In the episode six six six, Mark of the Best, we weren't trying to imply, Trump is corrupt. We were just saying it out right. I hope we weren’t vague about that.

17 [TRUMP, ‘You scratch my back, I scratch yours.’

QATARI DIPLOMAT, ‘Okay, but we were hoping to just do an unethical shady business deal.’

GREMLIN, ‘Oh yeah! That’s the spot!’]

In Taylor Swift Liberal Psy opp Maga Fear What They Cannot Control, we dared to dream of a world where every Christian fantasy of Hell came true, for the Christians. 

50 [DEMON TAYLOR, ‘Say it again.’

HANNITY, 'Please Demon Taylor, I don't want to say it anymore!’

DEMON TAYLOR, ‘This is ETERNAL damnation. This is your forever you pudgy faced little bitch. Now SAY IT!'

HANNITY, 'Republicans aren't racist and sexist and homophobic and xenophobic and transphobic and Islamophobic.’

DEMON TAYLOR, 'Ha ha ha! I will never get sick of hearing it. Now squeal like pig.']

I don't know about you? But I think Demon Taylor Swift would be awesome. 

[DEMONBOT, ‘Get some!’]

We've said it before and we'll say it again, Christians don't understand their own,

[CHOIR OF ANGELS, 'Air quotes.']

beliefs. As demonstrated in Say Tin in the White House: Washington to Chester A. Arthur. Slave Owners, Assassinations and Justice for All. We really played around with episode titles this year, in an effort to attract attention from the almighty Algorithm.

REPLAY: OSV1 [SATAN, 'It doesn't work, by the way.']

07 [CHRISTIAN, ‘Hey George you keep saying god but not Jesus.’

WASHINGTON, ‘Well according to your completely not made up and retro fitted after all the books were written belief Jesus, IS god. So when I say god I am saying Jesus.’

CHRISTIAN, ‘Yeah but you should say Jesus.’

WASHINGTON, ‘Why?’

CHRISTIAN, ‘Because, whoooooo, hang on, let me catch my breath here. Oh boy, is this what thinking is always like?’]

Speaking of trying to flirt with the algorithm and failing, this episode's full title was, Say Tin in the White House: F.D.R. to Reagan. New World Order Pornography and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

14 [SKEP, ‘Where did you get that number? What research did you do?’

FLERF, ‘I heard a thing that suited my pre conceived notions and supports my world view so I know in my heart it must be true.’

SKEP, ‘That is not how truth works.’

FLERF, ‘You just don't want the fantastical supernatural world to exist. That's all.’

SKEP, ‘Why do you want that world to be true so much?’

FLERF, ‘If this world is all there is, it means I'm just a dumb loser and I'll never be anything else and the girls who were mean to me in high school won't burn for eternity.’ 

SKEP, ‘Okay, Knute Rockne All American was the 666th film released by Hollywood.’

FLERF, ‘Thank you.’]

In Say Tin in the White House: Clinton to Bye den. Roman Emperors Tickling Dragons Civil War and Pat Benatar, we learned in an effort to own the libs, Trump had inappropriately groped an American flag.

17 [TRUMP, ‘Get Cohen on the line.’

(BEAT)

TRUMP, ‘Michael I need you to pay hush money to a flag.’

(BEAT)

TRUMP, ‘No, I said a flag.’]

In Say Tin in the White House: Donald Trump. Thirty Year Old Virgins Tactical Prayer Assets and Chaos, we found out about a prayer to scramble enemy radar. That is not a typo. You heard correctly.

18 [SFX WARNING SIGNAL

COMPUTER, ‘Warning, missile lock.’

PILOT, ‘Eagles Nest this is Zero Fiver Niner Albatross Squawking I have been targeted by incoming hostile, please advise? Over.’

GROUND, ‘Zero Fiver Niner Albatross Squawking this is Eagle’s Nest. You are cleared to deploy your Tactical Prayer Asset. Over.’

PILOT, ‘Roger that Eagle’s Nest. Deploying Tactical Prayer Asset in three, two, engage.’

SFX CASSETTE INSERTING IN CASSETE PLAYER

VO, ‘Dear lord Donald Jesus Christ Trump who art in Mar a Lago, please find it in your generous bosom to evade these evil commie…’

PILOT, ‘What the Hell is this?’

SFX EXPLOSION

GROUND, ‘Please advise sitrep, Zero Fiver Niner Albatross Squawking over?’

SFX STATIC

GROUND, ‘We lost another one to evil commie scientifical witchcraft.’

STAR SPANGLED BANNER

GROUND, ‘God rest your soul Zero Fiver Niner Albatross Squawking.’]

Everything that is wrong with white people, Christianity and Fox News,

REPLAY: [DISCLAIMER GUY, ‘Not a real news company.’]

Converges each and every year for the,

REPLAY: WoC 54 [ANNOUNCER, ‘War on Christmas!’]

So that’s fun.

37 [ANNOUNCER, ‘This week, all week on Fox News.’

DISCLAIMER GUY, ‘Not a real news company.’

ANNOUNCER, ‘The War on Christmas!’

CHILD, ‘Mummy what happened to Santa?’

MUM, ‘The Jews have murdered him, just like they did with white Jesus.’ 

ANNOUNCER, ‘We’ll bring you in depth analysis from the experts.’

BILLYHILL, ‘I'm a expert! When Jesus invented Christmas, he said let my people be free! And that means I shouldn't be cancelled for using the N word.’

ANNOUNCER, ‘And we’ll also bring you heart breaking stories from the front line.’

SOBBING, 'And then the greeter said, they said, they said, (INHALE DEEP BREATH) They said, happy holidays!'

(BURST INTO HYSTERICAL CRYING)

ANNOUNCER, ‘The War on Christmas, only on Fox News.’

DISCLAIMER GUY, ‘Not a real news company.’]

Judas will tell you, he wrote this Say Tin Wrapped twenty twenty four, First Half sketch as a homage to an old joke from his childhood. He didn't. He just got lazy. And that old joke was ostensibly homophobic anyway, therefore not worthy of homage.

17 [AGENT, ‘The Illuminati would like to know if you'll streak at the Oscars for a million dollars?’

DAGGY JOKER, ‘That depends. Can I pay it off, ten dollars a week?’

BOOM TISH/LAUGH TRACK

ANNOUNCER, ‘That joke was proudly brought to you by old jokes are us.’]

For our last sketch of the year, we hid a microphone in the break room here at Say Tin is my Superhero Industries Incorporated L.L.C. 

20 [SIGMA, ‘Who ate my yoghurt? Come on guys! I wrote my name on it!’

(BEAT)

SIGMA UNDER BREATH, ‘Please dear Lord who art in Heaven. Can you PLEASE cast Janice from Accounting into a burning lake of fire?’]

What can I say about twenty twenty four? Thank fuck it's over.