DIY Demon Hunting: How Protestants Turned Exorcisms Into a Side Hustle

Turns out you don’t need a seminary degree, holy water, or even basic mental health literacy to perform an exorcism — you just need confidence, cash flow, and a total disregard for the DSM-5. While Catholic exorcisms lean theatrical and ritualistic, the Protestant version goes full freelancer energy: zero oversight, no training, and absolutely no refunds. This is the Etsy marketplace of demon removal, and the vibes are… exactly what you think.

In the finale of our Exorcist trilogy, we unpack the evangelical evolution of “demon hunting,” where faith healing crosses into LARPing, trauma gets rebranded as spiritual warfare, and grifters discover the extreme profitability of exploiting untreated mental illness. From 18th-century Anglican barkers and Victorian nail-vomiters to modern prosperity pastors, online exorcism courses, and “pray the gay away” violence, we follow the money, the mythology, and the body count.

TL;DR: When religion meets capitalism, demons become a business model.

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Transcript

In this episode we finish up our trilogy on The Exorcist. We've looked at the writer, the novel, the movie and the rituals and pitfalls of Catholic exorcism upon which the book was based. But we thought we can't let the Catholics have all the fun!

01 [CHOIRBOY, 'No Father Pell! Not that kind of fun.']

Today we're going to investigate Protestant exorcisms.

[JUDE, 'But Lexi, I thought the whole point of the Protestant movement was to do away with the ritualised black magic witchcraft that dominates Catholicism? There can be nothing more ritualised black magic witchcrafty than exorcism!']

02 [CHILD, 'Mummy I'm to scared to sleep.'

MUM, 'Oh dear! What's got you so scared?'

CHILD, 'Vampires.'

MUM, 'Oh darling! Vampires aren't real. Neither are ghosts, werewolves or the boogeyman. It's all just superstitious mumbo jumbo nonsense made up by children to emotionally manipulate other naive children.'

CHILD, 'Really? Wow! I feel so much better now! It's like a massive weight lifted from my shoulders. I thought I was going spend the rest of my life living under the constant threat of extermination by monster.'

MUM, 'Well you don't have to worry about that except for witches and demons. They're real.'

CHILD, 'What?!'

MUM, 'Yeah, demons will fuck you up.']

So anyway, the Catholic church would have you believe only a highly trained specialist priest can perform an exorcism. But the Bible which if you know your history, you'll know the Catholics never wanted you to read. The Bible clearly tells us ANYONE can perform an exorcism. 

03 [CHRISTIAN, ‘In the name of Christ the saviour I call you demon, be gone!’

STAFF, ‘Sir, this is a Wendy's.’]

It’s believed that Jesus gives anyone of faith tacit approval to perform exorcisms in Mark. 

04 [JESUS, ‘And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.’]

[JUDE, ‘Hmm, so according to the bible, TRUE believers have super powers!’]

05 [JESUS, 'So guys what I'm telling you is, anyone who truly believes I am the omnipotent creator god of the entire universe can not only cast out devils, but also speak in tongues, handle snakes, drink toxic substances without being hurt and heal the sick. Who's ready to prove themselves?'

PETER, ‘I bags speaking in tongues!’

JOHN, ‘I'll cast out devils!’

MARY, ‘I'll heal the sick. But I get to choose the rube. I mean sick person, sick person, I meant sick person. You know, with some vague malady that’s not obvious to the untrained eye.’ 

SILENCE

JESUS, 'Anymore volunteers? We've still got handling snakes and drinking poisons.'

CRICKETS]

In 1788 Englishman George Lukins received an exorcism by 7 Anglican clergymen in Bristol. 

[JUDE, ‘Are you sure this isn’t just a porno you saw one time?’]

05b [BRISTOLBOYSNIGHTOUTSONG, ‘Ohh yeah! Seven Anglican clergymen in Bristol, baby! Bristol boys night out. Ohh yeah! Make mine a long half shandie.’

George claimed to have suffered from possession for at least 18 years. He would often claim to be the devil, speak and sing in different male and female voices, crawl around on the floor on all fours barking like a dog.

06 [SFX George barking, talking and singing in different voices.

PARTY GOER, ‘Okay, George. I remember my first beer too.’]

During the exorcism a clergyman asked Lukins a question in Latin to which the uneducated Lukins allegedly replied with an appropriate answer in Latin.

REPLAY OG: [EXORCIST, ‘Sicut canis cortice.’

‘LUKINS, ‘Woof.’]

In 1842, 28 year old German woman Gottliebin Dittus, received an exorcism from Lutherin Minister Johann Christoph Blumhardt who then published a book about the event. 

[JUDE, ‘Book's are what we did before Instagram.’]

Dittus had demonstrated classic demonic possession traits such as speaking in different voices, convulsions, blasphemy and lashing out violently. 

07 [DEMON DITTUS, ‘God is dead! Nice shirt. Do they make one for men?’

BLUMHARDT, ‘Hurtful. You don't need to lash out at me.’]

Dittus went through many exorcisms over a period of 2 years and began vomiting sand, glass, nails and blood. 

08 [NURSE, ‘Don't you think it's more likely this tragically mentally ill lady ingested that sand, glass and nails? And rather than assuming demons, we could provide actual psychological support?’

BLUMHARDT, ‘It's 1842, this IS the cutting edge in psychological support. Not once have we suggested burning her at the stake.’

NURSE, ‘My god, you're right. Well now I feel some of these sketches are just making fun of people doing the best they could with what they had in a time of ignorance.’

BLUMHARDT, ‘You're only just getting that NOW? This is the third episode we've done on this subject!’]

Dittus also claimed to have foreseen a devastating earthquake during an exorcism. One did occur a few days later thousands of kilometres away in the West Indies. So you know. 

[CHOIR OF ANGELS, ‘Thanks for the prediction dickhead.’]

In 1974 Yorkshire butcher Michael Taylor began displaying bizarre behaviour, 

REPLAY OG: [TAYLOR, ‘Sausages? You want bloody sausages? Who do you think I am?’

WOMAN, ‘The butcher?’]

This behaviour led to an exorcism performed by a joint denomination duo of Anglican and Methodist clergymen. 

09 [METHODIST BOY, ‘Holy Satan's salami Anglicanman. I detect a demon!’

ANGLICANMAN, ‘I agree Methodist Boy. This bedraggled butcher has been bedevilled by Beelzebub.’]

After pulling an all-nighter, the dynamic but exhausted clergy duo and Taylor went home. The clergy probably spent the whole day with their capes hanging in their batcave while they slept. Michael spent the day murdering his wife and the family dog.

10 [TAYLOR, ‘Riddle me this Anglicanman.’

METHODIST BOY, ‘I’m here too! We’re a duo.’]

Due to an insanity plea Taylor only spent a couple of years behind bars. In 2005 Mikey boy was convicted of indecently touching a teenager. Weirdly he soon began demonstrating demonic possession behaviour again.

REPLAY OG: [RADIO AD, ‘Demonic possession, it’s your get out of jail free card.’]

Do you m ind if I take a left turn into True Crime for SEO purposes?

[JUDE, ‘We’ve got to get the numbers up somehow.’]

[JAZZLADY, ‘Ooh yeah! Give me some of that True Crime S.E.O baby!’]

One the most famous killers to claim to have been possessed is David ‘Son of Sam’ Berkowitz. During his serial murder spree in 1975 and 76 he has claimed he was controlled by a 6000 year old demon Berkowitz called ‘Papa Sam’. Papa Sam communicated with Berkowitz through his neighbour’s dog.

REPLAY OG: [RADIO AD, ‘Demonic possession, it’s your get out of jail free card, now with added canine.’

DOG, ‘Woof!’]

Anyway back to exorcism larping. In 1994 future Republican Governor of Louisiana, Piyush Jindal, published an article about an exorcism he had performed on a friend at college. 

[JUDE, ‘Young people experiment at college. It was just a phase! He didn’t inhale!’]

In 2009 Pastor Patricia McKinney of the Manifested Glory Ministries Church in Connecticut used exorcism as an extreme form of Pray the Gay Away. 

11 [JINGLE, ‘Pray the gay away.’

FRUSTRATED, ‘Please Jesus! Can I just not think about cocks for five fucking minutes!’]

In an exorcism of a gay man posted online McKinney said,

12 [PASTOR PATRICIA, ‘You homosexual spirit we call you out right now.’]

[JUDE, ‘Did a rainbow coloured unicorn explode from his chest?’]

No.

[CHOIR OF ANGELS, ‘How disappointing.’]

We may laugh but this out of bounds larping has devastating consequences. Police in the U.K. have set up a special task force. They see 1500 cases of child abuse a year related to spiritual beliefs.

13 [SEXYSTING, ‘Ooh yeah ch... Wait! What? This is… No guys way guys absolutley not. Stop the music. Stop the music! I’m outta here. If you want to contact me, do it through my lawyer.’]

In 2015 a British GP, Dr Thomas O'Brien had his medical licence revoked for convincing one of his patients her mental health issues were due to demonic possession. He then performed his own exorcism on her. 

REPLAY OG: [PATIENT, ‘Can you help me doc?’

DOCTOR, ‘Yes, yes I can. Through the wonders of modern medical science and technology I have identified the cause of your malaise, my lady. It is no less than that bloody blighter Beelzebub! Now if you’ll just step into my exorcisormaligamanator we’ll get that buggering bugger out of you!’

PATIENT, ‘Is this covered by the NHS?’

DOCTOR, ‘No. No you’ll have to pay for this one.]

Recent polls suggest close to 50% of Americans believe in demonic possession.

[JUDE, ‘Can we please stop polling Americans. They keep failing.’]

Taking full advantage of that cognitive failure is Reality TV star and Pastor at the Spiritual Freedom Church in Arizona, Bob Larson. He runs an exorcist course which you can take for about a thousand dollars. 

14 [RUBE, ‘Hi, I'm here for the exorcist course.’ 

LARSON, ‘No worries. Have you got your thousand dollars?’

RUBE, ‘Right here.’

LARSON, ‘Great.’

(BEAT)

LARSON, ‘Now, did you observe how I looked you in the eye and took your money, maintaining a straight face the whole time?’

RUBE, ‘Yeah.’

LARSON, ‘Do you think, you can do that?’

RUBE, ‘I guess.’

LARSON, ‘You just passed the course. You are now an exorcist.‘]

Pastor Bob himself charges at least $295USD per online exorcism. That’s right. I did actually say, online exorcism. 

[JUDE, ‘You can get anything on onlyfans these days.’]

When respected journalist Dan Harris asked Pastor Bob about the money he makes the good Pastor replied,

REPLAY OG: [PASTOR BOB, ‘Well now wait a minute. You’re paid handsomely. So is anybody who has a responsible position in the public eye. And we have to fund what we do.’]

[JUDE, ‘Yeah, but he doesn't have to charge more than the Catholics.’]

He charges extra, to NOT touch your children.

[JUDE, ‘I retract my criticism.’]

15 [LEXI, 'Did you know we also accept payment to not touch your children.'

(BEAT)

LEXI, 'Gotta say, not enjoying this copy.'

JUDE, 'Well now wait a minute. You’re paid handsomely. So is anybody who has a responsible position in the public eye. And we have to fund what we do.'

LEXI, 'What are you talking about you crazy person?'

JUDE, 'I'm quoting Pastor Bob!'

DEMON, 'Go to patreon.com/satanismysuperhero.'

LEXI, 'This promo went right off the rails didn't it.'

JUDE, 'We might have demons we need to exorcise.'

DEMON, 'Demons? Ain't nobody here but us chickens. Quack, quack.']

[JUDE, ‘What can we take away from this trilogy on exorcisms?']

At best it’s a larp. At worst it’s yet another case of predation by religious grifters on psychologically disturbed individuals and their tragically naive families.

REPLAY: From Cathoilic Exorcisms Edited [BILLYHILL, 'Speak English doc, we ain't scientists!']

To best sum up this whole exorcism debacle we go to spiritual entrepreneur, exemplar of American exceptionalism and all round con man, Anton LaVey who once said,

16 [LAVEY, ‘Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!’]

[SATAN, ‘I deny any association!’]

And that’s why Satan is my superhero.

POST OUTRO

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