Satanic NASA

Satanic NASA conspiracy theories launch headfirst into the absolute brain-rot of the internet to expose the "Satanic origins" of rocket science. If you want to understand how devil-worshipping explosives nerd Jack Parsons became the bizarre link between Aleister Crowley, Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, and the Apollo program... then this episode is your ultimate deep dive!
So is NASA anti-Christian, or are conspiracy theorists just bad at spelling? This week, Judas and Lexi tackle the wild history behind the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) and the literal sex cults that fueled early American rocketry. We track Jack Parsons’ "Suicide Squad" testing rockets at Devil’s Gate on Halloween, uncover the truth behind L. Ron Hubbard running off with Parsons' money to buy yachts, and find out what really happens when two lonely occult nerds get together with some sacred tablets.
But we don’t stop at the 1940s sex magic. We go deep into modern internet lunacy, exploring why Flat Earth weirdos think the NASA logo vector is actually a serpent's tongue, the "Apollo vs. Apollyon" demon panic from the Book of Revelation, and the truth behind Project Blue Beam's fake second coming. From a 1960s tracking network acronym literally spelling out "SATAN," to the hilarious math behind why trolls claim "NASA" is just "Satan minus the T," we prove that demonizing science has always been the ultimate coping mechanism for dummies.

Support the Show
We're missing more than just the 'T' here! Want to help us afford more letters so we can continue gloating about our secret devil-worshipping space agenda? Plus, unlock our epic, exclusive mini-bio on Jack Parsons' entire unhinged life! Sign up as a Patron today to keep the rocket fuel burning.  Join the Cult on Patreon Here

What's Next?

Missed our foundational episodes on occult history? Go back and map out the rest of the madness by diving straight into our deep dive on the wickedest man in the world.  Listen to Episode 126  on Aleister Crowley:  Here

Transcript

In this episode we launch ourselves into some fun Satanic NASA conspiracy theory lunacy. Puns intended.

01 [BILLYHILL, 'Dear NASA, why haven’t youse released any photos of Jesus in Heaven? Is youse demons of the Devil? You have to tell me if youse is.’

(BEAT)

BILLYHILL, ‘Yours truly, Billy Hill. Aged 49.’] 

First and foremost in Satanic NASA conspiracy theories is Jack Parsons. In our Aleister Crowley episode I told you Crowley connected L. Ron Hubbard to the moon landings. 

REPLAY: AC [ARMSTRONG, 'One small step for man. One giant leap for Xenu.']  

Jack Parsons is that connection.

[SFX MODEM CONNECTING]

We’ve done an epic mini bio of Jack Parsons over on the Patreon.

[DEMON, ‘Go to patreon.com/satanismysuperhero dot com.’]

But all you need to know right now is, he’s a hansom devil worshipping explosives nerd. 

[AI WOMAN, ‘Get some.’]

While still in his early twenties Parsons was working in the munitions industry. On the weekends he would get together with a group of fellow explosives nerds and mess around with rockets.

02 [SFX SMALL ROCKET LAUNCH

PARSONS, ‘Agghh! Me eyebrows!’]

This group of explosives nerds would come to be known as The Suicide Squad. Join the Patreon for Jude’s hilarious DC related jokes.

[JUDE, ‘They’re very hilarious.’]

This Suicide Squad tested their rockets near a rock formation called ‘Devil’s Gate’. 

[SATAN, 'Worst next door neighbour I've ever had! Local law enforcement just stopped responding to my noise complaints eventually.'] 

It is claimed years later Parsons returned to this area to perform Satanic rituals.

[SATAN, 'You say ritual, I say apology.'] 

Conspiracy theorists also like to point out the Suicide Squad rocket test performed near ‘Devil’s Gate’ on Halloween 1938 achieved the result that ultimately led to their government contract. 

03 [SFX DOOR KNOCK AND OPEN

PARSONS, 'Trick or treat?'

HOME, 'Treat!'

PARSONS, 'Awesome!'

HOME, 'What are you doing?'

PARSONS, 'Just lighting the fuse.'

HOME, 'Hey! Where are you going? Why are you running? I don’t think you get how Trick or Treat works!'

SFX EXPLOSION]

This Halloween day government contract would eventually lead to the formation of JPL. The Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

04 [PARSONS, 'You know since we founded this company I've started to think you guys don't respect me.'

FORMAN, 'What?'

PARSONS, 'Well Frank's the CEO and you're the CFO. But I don't have a role.'

FORMAN, 'Are you kidding me Jack? You're vital to this company! You do the... you know that thing you... you know... the stuff with the…'

PARSONS, 'Ceremonial magick?'

FORMAN, 'Yeah! That's it. You're our CSO. Chief Satan Officer. And I would argue, that's the most important role in the company.'

PARSONS, 'I agree. So do I get an office?'

FORMAN, 'No.']

By 1944, Parsons sex and drug life had overtaken him and his JPL partners forced him out of the company and he had to sell all of his stock in it.

05 [PARSONS, 'I can't even own shares in the company! Do you have any idea how psychotic that sounds?'

FORMAN, 'I don't know Jack! I'm not the one who had sex in the lab and then painted the walls in sheep's blood while smoking meth!'

PARSONS, 'Sheep's blood! In a purification ritual? That was goat blood obviously.'] 

Parsons and his wife Helen belonged to the esoteric sex cult Ordo Templis Orientis. 

06 [PARSONS, 'Darling, you know how you're always saying we don't socialise enough together, well I've signed us up to a new club.'] 

At the time of their membership this particular international sex cult was being run by creator of the Thelema religion, Aleister Crowley. 

07 [CROWLEY, 'If I haven't done it then it's not worth having sex with.'] 

Another prominent member of Aleister Crowley’s sex cult Ordo Templis Orientis was L. Ron Hubbard. And we have connection.

07a [SFX MODEM, ROCKET LAUNCH

ARMSTRONG, ‘One small step...’]

Parsons wrote of his meeting with Hubbard.

08 [PARSONS, ‘He is the most Thelemic person I have ever met and is in complete accord with our own principles.’]

[JUDE, 'What could being the most Thelemic even mean?']

Based on photos I've seen of Crowley and Hubbard I'm gonna say it's something to do with having the flabbiest butt.

09 [SIR MIXALOT, 'I like Thelema butts and I can not lie!'] 

If you’ve ever wondered what goes on in a sex cult?

[JUDE, ‘I wonder about that all the time!’]

Well one time Parsons masturbated onto some sacred tablets while L. Ron watched on.

[JUDE, ‘Two sad and lonely nerds in a room wanking? Turns out I HAVE been in a sex cult!’]

Parsons and Hubbard became quite the Thelema dynamic duo and soon began working together on Crowley's life goal of impregnating ‘Lady Babylon’ with the Antichrist.

[JUDE, 'Were they hoping Lady Babylon would eat the wank tablets?'] 

10 [LADY BABYLON, 'Ooh what are these? Hmmm, salty.'

JINGLE, ‘You’ve been wanky pranked!’] 

Their attempts got so wild news reached Crowley himself who said,

11 [CROWLEY, ‘I feel fairly frantic when I contemplate the idiocy of these louts!’]

[JUDE, 'Your fall has been long and deep when Aleister Crowley thinks YOU are the silly one.'] 

12 [CROWLEY, 'They did what to the tablets? That's no way to get an Antichrist!'

(BEAT)

CROWLEY, 'It does sound fun though.'

(BEAT)

CROWLEY,  'Victor! Bring my tablets!'] 

Remember I mentioned Parsons wife earlier, Helen? Well Helen is gone and has been replaced by her very own 17 year old sister Sara.

[JUDE, 'Has anyone checked for Parsons name in the Epstein Files?']

I think you'll find Parsons and Hubbard both mentioned in Epstein's mission statement.

13 [EPSTEIN, 'Dear Mr Hubbard I hope I grow up to be horrible perv like you. I'm just waiting for my flabby butt to come in right now.'] 

So we’ve got, 17 year old Sara, lots of money from the JPL buyout and L. Ron Hubbard. Do you need the rest of the story?

[JUDE, ‘L. Ron Hubbard ran off with Parsons money and girlfriend?’]

Bingo! L. Ron Hubbard used Parsons money to buy three yachts, it’s a whole thing but eventually Scientology evolves out of all this carry on.

14 [PARSONS, 'What are you going to do with 3 yachts?'

HUBBARD, 'Fill them with teenagers and whatever...'

PARSONS, 'Oh! So you're starting a religion!'

HUBBARD, 'Yes! But, not a Jesus one.'

PARSONS, 'NOT a Jesus one, but you're still you know, whatever with the kids?'

HUBBARD, 'What part of the word “religion” is confusing you?'] 

You will often see the headline or cheeky podcast title ‘Satanic NASA’ or the ‘Satanic origins of NASA’. Jack Parsons IS that entire story and while he was integral in the formation of JPL and rocket science in general he had been dead half a decade before NASA was founded. 

[JUDE, ‘If you ask me, Jack Parsons is WAY more physically responsible for the foundation of SCIENTOLOGY than NASA!’]

He financed it!

15 [CHILD, 'Dear Scientology Jesus. Thank you for the money we stole from Jack Parsons.']

The post script to the Jack Parsons story is at the age of only 37 he blew himself up in one of his backyard experiments.

16 [NEIGHBOUR, 'Where's Jack?'

SARA, 'He's just out the back.…

SFX EXPLOSION 

SARA, '...front, side, there's a bit of him over there.'] 

Unlike other cheekily named shows about Satanic NASA, we’re going to go further into the inane brain rot than Jack Parsons. 

17 [BILLYHILL, ‘Birds ain’t real!’]

In the 1960s NASA called their moon mission the ‘Apollo Program’. Naming it after the Greek sun god who rides his chariot across our sky each day.

[JUDE, 'I can't see how a sun god helps you get to the moon. Apollo can't come out at night! So...'] 

Well Christian conspiracy theorists have also struggled with NASA'S choice of Apollo. We have actually covered this before, way back in our Large Hadron Collider episode.  Episode 14, from memory.

[TTS, ‘Tee Tease here. Just cutting in mid edit to confirm, ‘Large Hadron Collider or the Modern Prometheus’ is indeed episode fourteen. Lexi was right. As always! Honestly I don’t why Judas thinks… Hang on! Lexi have you been fucking around with my script?’]

The highest elite brain forces of Christianity associate Apollo with Satan because in the Book of Revelation, John of Patmos uses the Greek word ‘Apollyon’ which means ‘destroyer’ to name the demon who rules over an army of locusts. 

18 [SGT, 'Company halt! Company eyes left! Company stand at ease!'

GENERAL, 'How are the marching drills coming along sergeant?'

SGT, 'How do you expect the marching drills are coming along? THEY ARE LOCUSTS!'] 

This Greek word ‘Apollyon’ sounds very similar to the Hebrew for ‘destruction’ which is ‘Abbadon’. AND Abbadon is ALSO used to describe this locust king who MIGHT be the devil himself.

[SATAN, 'That's right I have an army of short horned grasshoppers. If any leafy vegetation ever tries to invade my territory it's going to get the fight of a lifetime!'] 

[JUDE, ‘I’m sorry I know we mix it with jokes and songs and stuff and sometimes it makes it hard to follow. But you really lost me. How does Abbadon or Apollyon relate to Apollo?’]

You might want to sit down.

[JUDE, ‘I’m already sitting!’]

Then lie down, you don’t want this revelation taking your head right off. Okay here goes, prepare to have a whole new world open up before you very eyes. Apollyon shares a lot of letters with Apollo.

[MC, ‘Mic drop!’]

[JUDE, ‘Seriously! That can’t be it?’]

The fun doesn’t stop at Christian Conspiracy Theorists clutching at straws. 

18 [BILLYHILL, ‘Jet fuel doesn’t burn that hot! I’m a expert!’]

In 1967 science writer William R. Corliss, put together a 74 page document for the Goddard Space Flight Center’s official archives titled, ‘The Evolution of the Satellite Tracking and Data Acquisition Network’. In this official rocket science report Corliss writes the acronym ‘SATAN’ 23 times. 

[JUDE, 'That's too much Satan!']

[SATAN, 'Or not enough!'] 

The acronym ‘SATAN’ Corliss used stood for ‘Satellite Automatic Tracking Antenna Network’. As far as I can tell Corliss might be the only one who used this acronym. It doesn’t show up anywhere else. 

19 [SCIENTIST, ‘Should we use the acronym SATAN?’

ADMIN, ‘I’m just gonna go right ahead and say no. Not worth the trouble.’]

It’s a real thing. There are systems to control satellite dishes as they track satellites through the sky. These systems have names and acronyms that all use variations on ‘ Satellite Automatic Tracking Antenna Network’.  But sadly SATAN simply did not catch on.

20 [REGINA, ‘Corliss stop trying to make Satan happen. It’s not going to happen.’]

In 1994 Canadian conspiracy theorist Serge Monast published ‘Project Blue Beam (NASA)’. In it Monast claims NASA in conjunction with the evil UN are going to use technology to simulate the second coming of Christ. Then trick the good people of the world into worshipping this fake Jesus who is REALLY the ANTICHRIST!

[DUNT DUNT DAH, ‘Wow! I didn’t see that coming!’]

And this Antichrist will bring about a NEW WORLD ORDER.

21 [NASA, 'So that's the plan. Any questions or comments?'

UN, 'Yes. Why would we do a fake Jesus? Most and I can NOT emphasise this enough MOST of the world don’t believe in Jesus and a significant portion have never even heard of him?'

NASA, 'Oh really? Well what did they talk about at Sunday School?'

UN, 'Most and I can NOT emphasise this enough MOST of the world didn't go to Sunday School.'

NASA, 'Well I and everyone I know went to Sunday School. So who's the dumb one now atheist?'

UN, 'It's you. It's always you.'] 

Just one year later in 1995 Monast published ‘Les Protocoles de Toronto (6.6.6)’. In which he claimed the Freemasons were using mind control to bring about a NEW WORLD ORDER.

[JUDE, ‘So the other theory just went out the window?’]

Hey man you’ve got to publish SOMETHING every year.

22 [SKEP, 'Serge, this new theory is completely inconsistent with your last one?'

MONAST, 'You know what they say. Publish or perish.'

SKEP, 'Yes, academics do say that.'

(BEAT)

SKEP, 'Serge, do you think you're an academic?'

(LONG PAUSE)

MONAST, 'Yes.'

SKEP, ‘Serge.’ *be real vibe*] 

[JUDE, ‘He must be a really anxious guy with all these evil cabals running the world that only he can see. Imagine how stressful that must be.’]

Not to make fun, but he did die of a heart attack at age 51.

[JUDE, ‘I kinda wish I hadn’t brought it up now.’]

[COA, ‘Awkward!’]

You could just edit it out.

[JUDE, ‘No.’]

Moving along for the sake of FUN. One of the fun internet theories is the NASA logo with its red vector. Think of the NASA logo and that red ribbon that splits in two. According to the NASA website that a ‘vector’. It represents aeronautics. 

[MONKS, ‘Boring.’]

According to the internet it’s not a ‘vector’ it’s a serpents tongue. 

23 [MONKS, ‘Yay! Not boring!’]

It’s a serpents tongue because of all the Satanic lies.

[JUDE, 'NASA can adjust the atomic clock on a geocentric GPS satellite to within a billionth of a second to account for general relativity. BUT don't understand the most fundamental principles of keeping a secret?']

24 [REPORTER, 'As director of operations here at NASA, how do you respond to allegations this is a Satanic organisation.'

DIRECTOR, 'I assure you were are not Satanists. Wink.'

REPORTER, 'I'm sorry, did you just say wink?'

DIRECTOR, 'No! Wink, wink.'

REPORTER, 'You just did it again! Twice.'

DIRECTOR, 'I don't know what you're talking about. Wink.'

REPORTER, 'This is a personal question. Are you unable to actually wink?'

DIRECTOR, 'Yeah, it just looks like I'm blinking.'

REPORTER, 'Riiight, sooooo are you Satanists?'

DIRECTOR, 'No.'

REPORTER, 'Ah, now I see it! It totally just look like you're blinking!'

DIRECTOR, 'I know right!'

REPORTER, 'Have you tried using your fingers to open and close one eyelid?'

DIRECTOR, 'That’s sounds stupid. I'd rather just keep saying 'wink' out loud.'] 

If you turn the NASA logo 90 degrees the vector now looks like a ‘V’. According to the Flat Earth Society’s website, the Hebrew symbol that looks like a ‘V’ means ‘nail’ and keep following the red strings, were getting to the pins, AND in the Brotherhood of Satan, they refer to the devil as ‘Nail’. 

[JUDE, ‘Do they though?’]

Not as far as I could tell. But are we gonna start doubting information from the Flat Earth Society NOW?

[JUDE, ‘That’s fair.’]

Also according to the Flat Earth Society if you flip the logo upside down, it kinda looks like an eye. I know people like to make jokes about the All-Seeing Eye, but it is a very real symbol used by the Satanist authorities. 

[JUDE, ‘Really?’]

Yes! Let me read you a direct quote from the Flat Earth Society’s website. Ahem, ‘I know people like to make jokes about the All-Seeing Eye, but it is a very real symbol used by the Satanist authorities.’ End direct quote from website.

25 [FLERF, 'Guys! This is serious! Stop making jokes about the all seeing eye. We have to do something. People are falling off the flat upside down planet in Australia!'] 

There is also a ‘fun’ internet conspiracy that ‘NASA’ is a Hebrew word meaning to deceive. This is not true. 

[COA, 'Irony!'] 

BUT the internet has not, NOT noticed that the word NASA is just one letter short of spelling Satan. We found Flat Earther and all round very very clever when compared to a ball of rubber bands Eric Dubay had seen the ‘T’ connection between ‘Plane, Planet, Satan, NASA’ a hundred episodes ago in our ‘New Flat World Order 2 Liars Deniers and INCELs’

[ERIC, ‘Gratuitous back catalogue plug.’]

REPLAY NWO 2: 

Dubay gets so desperate to come up with 200 proofs he even sites the etymology of the word ‘planet’ to PROVE the world is a flat plane.

[DUBAY, ‘They just added a “t” to our Earth plane and everyone bought it.’]

[SATAN, ‘I hope for the sake of his humanity he vomited a little bit in his mouth when he wrote that.’]

[CHILD, ‘Mummy how do you know space doesn’t exist?’

MUM, ‘Look at the words ‘Plane’ and ‘Satan’. Now take the ‘T’ from Satan and put it on the end of Plane. What does it spell?’

CHILD, ‘Planet.’

MUM, ‘Very good. Now what letters are left in the word Satan?’

CHILD, ‘S’ ‘A’ ‘A’ ‘N.’

MUM, ‘Now put the S between the 2 A’s and move the N to the front and what does it spell?’

CHILD, ‘NASA!’

MUM, ‘Boom! That’s proof bitch!’]

RETURN TO EP

Funsters with no idea how stupid their fellow bigots are, have picked up on NASA’s missing ‘T’ and created the ‘T-Minus Countdown Troll’. 

[JUDE, ‘Oh but Lexi, please do tell, what is the T-Minus Countdown Troll?’]

I’m glad you asked. Have you ever wondered why the NASA Launch Director begins the count down to lift off with a…

26 [NLD, ‘T minus 10, 9, 8…’]

What’s the ‘T’ for?

[JUDE, ‘Ooh girlfriend! Spill the tea.’]

Were you trying to smash a cultural reference into a pun just then?

[JUDE, ‘Yep.’]

Do you feel good about yourself right now?

[JUDE, ‘I have no regrets.’]

Anywho, NASA say ‘T-Minus’ to remind you, no to rub it in your face that the word NASA is an anagram of Satan MINUS the T!

27 [BILLYHILL, ‘I know my letters!’]

LEXI, 'We're missing more than just the 'T' here at Satan is my Superhero. If you'd like to help us afford more letters go to…

DEMON, 'Go to www.patreon.com/satanismysuperhero.'

LEXI, ‘We promise we won’t rub all our fancy new letters in your face. Well maybe just a little bit. You try secretly worshipping the devil and not gloating!’]

[JUDE, ‘What can we take away from this rocket fuelled science denying satanic panic?’]

When someone tells you Jack Parsons created NASA in a satanic ritual at the Gates of Hell on All Hallows Eve. What they are REALLY saying is science made them feel bad in school and they want to punish someone.

28 [SFX DOOR KNOCK

JONES, 'You wanted to see me Principle Fitzpatrick?'

FITZPATRICK, 'Ah yes Jones! I'm just going over the results from your latest physics exam and I thought this might be a good time to discuss the glory and power of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ.'] 

Demonising that which, pun intended, they find confusing has always been the domain of dummies. And that’s why Satan is my Superhero.