8 Causes Of LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE - 6 Min Byte Podcast

Low self-confidence happens to us all. Here are ways all of us can be affected. Your self-confidence or self-worth is important to challenge in your battle against addiction. Because low self-confidence, and self-criticism, will make you want to 'use'/comfort eat, or treat yourself badly.

In this podcast

• 8 ways feeling bad about yourself can show up, and why. 

Another podcast for you: How Do I Stop Self-Criticism?

Citations
Gabor Mate - 'In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts'

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Transcript

  I'm going to show you different influences on our self-esteem. I'm going to show you how low self-esteem can show up and why.  Hi, this is Shelley Treacher from Underground Confidence.  This is a very small byte podcast to give you a taste of all the different influences that you might have on your self-esteem.

So that you know what you're dealing with when it comes to recovering your self-confidence enough to recover from comfort eating.  

Thoughts like, I'm stupid, or they don't like me, or I'm terrible at this. 

These are the kinds of thoughts that happen to all of us on a daily basis in the unconscious, in the back of our minds. 

Self-worth is the most important thing talked about in therapy. We all grapple with it.  Often, what you're dealing with here is the core belief, I'm not good enough, or I don't belong. We all have these beliefs and thoughts.  There are lots of different reasons for this. 

So this week, in my podcasts and my videos, I'm introducing you to what self-worth is and how a lack of self-worth happens. 

Just like understanding that there are several things that influence us towards eating, there are also lots of reasons why we feel low self-esteem.  Understanding these reasons is the first step to being able to change this way of thinking.  Neuroscience shows us that one reason is the way our brains are wired. 

Neuroscience tells us that the reward system in the brain and the parts relating to the sense of self relate strongly with the self-esteem parts.  Brain imaging shows us that, left idle, the brain tends towards shame, the self critic, and judgment.  That's quite a powerful influence.  

The second influence is our culture. 

Self-worth is very much bound up with our culture.  Normal everyday life can easily invoke this kind of belief or thought. We're often thinking that we could do better.  So for example, when you are playing with a child, and you're trying to keep them safe or happy, you might unconsciously tell yourself that you could always do better at this job,  partly out of protection and partly out of fear. 

Is this something that you can relate to?  

A third reason is dominance.  There is a belief that we must be the best in our culture.  It's in our physiology to aspire to being dominant for our survival.  This can lead to all kinds of self deprecation  if we don't manage that.  

A fourth reason is shame. Shame relates closely to the fear of not belonging. 
The function of shame is to keep you quiet so that you fit in.  It comes from a survival need to belong to a community.  Shame shuts our systems down. It's numbing and it makes us wonder if we are inadequate.  Social media is a fifth influence.  We have a constant stream of messages that we're not good enough in the media and social media.

Passively using social media, which most of us do, following, liking, scrolling, provokes social comparison and envy or approval seeking.  Sharing positive posts is possibly a more positive way to engage with social media. You are very welcome to check mine out, I do try and keep them as positive as possible. 

And I see that some people join me in that. So that's quite lovely. 

And number six, the media.  There's a trend in the media for the seven things that will fix you.  This inherently makes us feel inadequate and stressed.  We feel unable to receive any help. If those seven fix don't actually fix us, which they don't.  Being human is just not as simple as that.  

A seventh influence is the good or bad perspective. We automatically think it's our great qualities that make people love us, but it's not. That's not true. It's way more complex and instinctive than that.  This is a common thing that I often hear. I'm good because I ate this way and I weigh this way.

Or, I did something bad, therefore I am bad.  We assume an association with what we are and what we do.  We equate being good or bad as a person with the good or bad that we do for our bodies.  But that just really is too simple.  

Number 8. Reaction.  Feeling inadequate in some way is an unconscious, reactive, physiological experience.

We never stop wanting to be validated and to fit in. It's normal.  Gabor Mate, who speaks prolifically about addiction, says that we choose belonging 100 percent of the time over being authentic.  The self critic will not be far behind, keeping ourselves in check and likeable. It's this part, the part that feels criticized, different, or struggles to connect, that will turn to something external in order to cope with these feelings. 

So my output here, with podcasting, with all the social media outlets, is about recovering the power of your sense of self.  

If you want to go deeper than this, and you want help recovering your self-worth and recovering from comfort eating, I do have a group that I'm starting to pull together now, probably going to be in February. 

Please keep in touch.  This is Shelley Treacher from Underground Confidence. I'll see you again next Wednesday when I'm talking about your inner child and your response to the self critic. Thanks for joining me.  Have a great weekend!