Healing SELF-DISGUST

Today, we begin by addressing the common issue of self-disgust. I encourage listeners to challenge negative self-talk. I then dive into the topic of seasonal stress, highlighting signs of troublesome stress levels. The podcast provides practical methods to nurture self-compassion and well-being.

Another podcast for you: How do I Stop Self-Criticism?

Transcript

  Today I'm going to carry on talking about how you can make that difficult adjustment from summer to autumn or fall. Hello, I'm Shelley Treacher from Underground Confidence.

I help people to heal from the emotional difficulties that cause comfort eating.

And I've put together a checklist  to help you manage your comfort eating. Do you want this? If you do, please send me a little message with the word checklist and I will send that to you.

Today, before I carry on with part two of talking about the shift into autumn, I want to tell you a little story. One of the most common things that people come to my groups with is the phrase, I'm disgusting, I feel disgusting.

Is this something that you've leveled against yourself? Last week, I explored this with one of my clients. And we challenged and explored this assumption that she's disgusting. First of all, I asked her what she meant by disgusting.

What is disgusting about her? And I urge you to ask that question of yourself. Where did you get this from? What makes you feel that you are disgusting? What she discovered on exploration is that she's wearing this like a blanket as protection against any judgment or criticism that she might get from the outside world.

Of course, she realizes that the judgment comes from inside. It's been internalized. Where we got to in our session was she ended up saying, Actually, I'm not disgusting. And she said various things like, I'm a kind and loving person. A lot of people love me and like my company.

But also she understood her eating and the reasons why she does it being that she, actually, she's had a lot to cope with. You tell me, does any of that make her disgusting? Far from disgusting, she's one of the loveliest people that I know and it's my great pleasure to see her as often as possible.

This is something that comfort eaters very rarely acknowledge about themselves, that they might actually be really likeable and good company. I count myself as blessed that I get to hang out with her. So could you transform that word disgusting as well?

And perhaps challenge whether you really are disgusting? My hope is that you will. And perhaps this is one of the better times in the calendar to refresh your way of thinking.

If you think about all the different times in the year, when is it most likely that we would have the most energy? I could argue that this is the best time. It's possible that with the vitamin D provision of the summer, albeit fairly sparse this year, And the time off, and the nice experiences that we may have had over the summer, along with the refreshing chill air, and the vibe of going back to our projects, this may be the best time of year to put energy into our passion and values. 

I feel a bit of a renewal vibe myself. As you may know, I've been working on a program for years. A digital program for comfort, eating, recovery and other things. I've been working on these for so long. But now it's coming to fruition. And along with that has come a renewed sense of looking after my needs.

To make sure that I'm in the best place to deliver this competently.

The more I age, the more I go on in this life, the more I recognize that if I look after myself, if I have a good time in life, genuinely, what I produce is of better quality. It's kind of the opposite of a vicious cycle.

If I go for a walk in the morning, or I plan in a wild swim at the end of the day, soon going to be the middle of the day, isn't it? With the darkening of the days. I find myself getting inspired more. I'm feeling less of that drudgery feeling of having to work. All that I'm talking about here means that I, or we, in this position in the season, have more capacity to think more openly, more mindfully, more rationally, to make good decisions for ourselves.

Because we've been  fed or nourished.  

One of the most difficult things at this time of year can be stress.  One of my best friends is a really hardworking teacher. And this time every year, she prepares herself to go into that dark tunnel of full on hard work, Ofsted evaluations, and the everyday battle that is working in a school situation.

This lady is passionate and she has a lot of energy. She's also been working on her boundaries for quite a number of years now, so I have no doubt that she will cope with the situation admirably. But she will also be tired and overwhelmed at times, as will many of us coping with the demands of the season.

 In previous podcasts, and in a lot of my social media posts, I have talked a lot about stress regulation and calming your nervous system. So if you need techniques and exercises, please do look back into the history.

What I would recommend is preparing a toolkit for yourself, trying things out, and noting what works for you. Is it slowing down your breathing?

Is it a polyvagal exercise? Is it listening to a calming audio? Or is it simply talking to someone about how you feel?  One of the things that the majority of the people that I see come away from our sessions with, both group and individual, is that they need more space to themselves. 

These are the signs to look out for to tell you that you might be getting stressed and that it's gonna start to be a problem.

The first one for us is using the substance that comforts you a little bit more. Eating food in secret,  eating food ahead of meals,

and generally not looking after yourself, perhaps picking food during the day and not eating a meal. But you also might notice some other things in your behaviour. You might be more irritable than usual, or more tired.  You might feel you have a lack of motivation, don't want to do anything, or you might find yourself arguing a little bit more. Often one of the signs for me that I'm feeling irritable and overtired is I want to pick a fight with people in Tesco's. Bizarre as that sounds, I think my local Tesco might be a melting pot for conflict because somehow if I'm feeling irritable there is always someone who crosses my path.

Thankfully I've learned not to react to this now. But at the beginning, when I first moved to this house, I almost got in a fight every time I went there. Anyway, this is just to normalise that irritation is one of the first signs. You might also feel that you want to isolate a little bit more. You might feel helpless or hopeless.

Or you might find yourself on autopilot and switching off. bit, Perhaps being a little bit more compliant than you normally would. Overloading yourself. One of the things that I hear quite often is that rumination often starts at this time.

Thinking about things late at night. One way to cope with this is to give yourself a time limit for that rumination.  But also you can ask yourself, Is there something you're avoiding that might be relative to what you're ruminating about?

But you're hooked on the rumination instead of the actual thing. So be curious and explore, give yourself a time limit, and then do something different, entirely different. Perhaps on that list that you made earlier about what supports you when you're stressed. One of the great things about the drawing in of the day about it getting dark a little bit earlier every day.

Actually, in my experience, it's happening quite quickly. But it does encourage us to slow down. And if we really surrender to the season, That's kind of what we're meant to do. I know I'm always saying it, and I think everybody's saying it at the moment,  but being compassionate for yourself in this slightly more tired state is so important.

It has to be okay that you're not achieving as much as you might. We all do too much anyway. And it gives us less of an opportunity to just be who we are. Perhaps one of the best ways to cope with autumn and winter is to just be. To surrender to the moment and breathe.

This will literally change your nervous system response. Which changes everything. Taking time and space for yourself gives you an opportunity to feel so much better.  It gives you an opportunity to think about or to process whether you want to be doing everything that you're doing or whether you need to put more boundaries in.

It also gives you the chance to work out whether you want to be with people, or whether you need to be alone to look after yourself. It gives you the time to work out how to be kind to yourself.

If your automatic is not to do that, having space to just be, is the watershed needed to help you challenge your way of thinking?  It also might give you the opportunity to acknowledge how you're feeling. If you're feeling worried or stressed about something, you're working too hard trying to get something done, it might give you the opportunity to see what you're actually worried about if you don't get all this work done.

Often this goes back to a kind of a survival fear. Will we be accepted? Will we be judged? Will we lose our jobs? I am actually going to talk about money and our attitudes towards money in a couple of weeks time. But it helps to know what you're dealing with if you can acknowledge what's going on for you.

 Here are three practical suggestions. For keeping up with your self care while you're going through this period. One is appreciating something about what you did in the day, at the end of the day. What did you do well? If you focus on this, it does change your outlook over time. You will start to look for the good that you're doing, rather than focusing on how much you haven't done.

 And this, as I was kind of saying earlier, puts you in a more capable state of mind. My second suggestion is have reset periods. Times that you set aside, maybe out of the house, to focus on your goals and what you want for yourself. This can be a really good opportunity to work out if what you're doing is going to help you get there.

Often what we do all day is a reaction, rather than really what we need to be doing to find a happier existence. My final suggestion is to do one kind thing for yourself every day. 

 Something that reminds you of what brings you purpose and meaning. Like I said earlier, these things that I'm doing that bring me happiness are working really well for me. I'm feeling physically more robust, 

where earlier in the year I had about a million viruses one after the other. It was a dreadful time. And I absolutely noticed the relationship I have with this and with food. If I get stuck in that sedentary state of kind of an addictive mindset of must do this work, my eating's not that great.

Whereas if I go out and do things that I'm enjoying, I don't even think about eating. But it's not just me that I see this happening with. I know that when my clients start focusing on what makes them happy, Their confidence grows, their connections build, and soon enough, before you know it, their mind's on something different, and the obsession with food fades into the distance.

Next week, I'm going to talk about movement. I know that's a difficult subject for a lot of people listening here, but bear with me because I'm going to make it palatable for you. This week, I started by talking about The common experience of calling yourself disgusting. I asked you to challenge that statement.

Then I talked about the stress of the season and how to manage it. I gave you some signs to watch out for 

That might tell you your stress level is becoming a problem. And I gave you some suggestions for how to cope with that. I reminded you that self care and compassion is the most life changing, powerful tool that we all possess the ability for. 

And I gave you three practical ways that you can encourage this inside you. My checklist actually would help you with this so, please Let me know if you want to receive my checklist about coping with emotional eating  as I say next week I'll be talking about movement and how this can be so valuable  In helping us to cope with the challenging shift to autumn or fall.

If you made it to the end here, I thank you so much. This is Underground Confidence with Shelley Treacher. I will see you next Thursday.