Christmas Overproductivity & Guilt- How to WIND DOWN

Productivity can be another addiction, that typically goes hand in hand with comfort eating. So, today, I talk about Christmas overeating and how to recognise and wind down from being over productive. Because so many of us feel we need to push through, when really we need to stop!

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Transcript

  Hi, this is Underground Confidence with Shelley Treacher. 

This is my penultimate podcast for this year and my podcast about preparing for Christmas.  In last year's Christmas podcast, I talked about some challenges which we can traditionally face at Christmas, such as comfort eating through loneliness, And familial conflict. I talked of Christmas self care and made some suggestions for how to cope.

So if you're investigating options for how to cope with your family or lack of company at Christmas, have a listen to that podcast.  Christmas is something that people talk to me about all year round. So please know that you are not alone if you struggle with any of these things.  Last year was a special year, but this year has been no less difficult. 

Overeating is a tradition for most of us at Christmas, as is winding down from the exhaustion of the year.  This year, what I'm most aware of is that so many have been working so hard that they're finding it difficult to stop and to wind down.  So this is what I want to talk about this Christmas. How to slow down when you're going a million miles an hour. 

But first, let's talk a little bit about overeating at Christmas.  There can be many reasons why we might overeat at Christmas, and whilst I'm not going to take Christmas food away from you, I would encourage you to challenge yourself about the assumptions you make about what food traditions you have at Christmas.

Do you usually have a tin of Quality Street and all the usual accoutrement? Just because you're in the habit of doing it every year.  Maybe this year be a little bit more curious about why you do what you do at Christmas and maybe question what's behind your Christmas comfort eating.  But maybe this year focus on slowing down your eating just a little  and noticing how fast or how slowly you habitually eat. 

Now let's focus on slowing down altogether for the year.  One surefire reason for overeating at Christmas is that we need to let go.  Understanding that you might be comfort eating to let go is, as I often say, treating the cause rather than the symptom of overeating.  I talked about what's happening in our nervous systems with this in the podcast about eating in the evening.

This was one of my first podcasts, so check it out. This is a good complement to today's podcast, as is the podcast on coping with COVID burnout. I  But today I'm talking about productivity.  Productivity can be another addiction that often goes hand in hand with comfort eating.  One of the most memorable things that a coach once said to me was that every time we push ourselves, we create a deficit somewhere else.

And that is true. We only have a finite amount of energy. Once we've used it all up, it's gone. And it needs replenishment.  I see this all the time in my work, where people push themselves and push themselves, taking on so much that they think they need to cope with, and then they end up in tears, in a hyper stress state, or with some kind of illness.

So they're forced to stop.  You can't actually underestimate the effects of stress. It's another thing that deserves our compassion.  Apart from being dangerous for your health, it's easier to make good decisions from a place of openness and less stress.  It's more possible to be happy, more likely that you'll be creative, and it leaves room for being able to be more intimate.

Overproductivity  tends to shut us down emotionally.  It's something that can put us into a state of fight or flight, so it's hard to slow down when we're in this manic fight flight response.  And that might be the point for some of us, here are some things that might be behind the guilt of feeling we aren't doing enough, or having that nagging feeling that we should be doing something. 

One, our culture. We live in a culture that praises productivity and criticizes or doesn't understand downtime, calling it procrastination or laziness.  2. Addiction to productivity. Just as I've said previously with comfort eating, you get a dopamine hit when you achieve a task. Remember, with addiction and seeking that dopamine hit, it's never enough.

You just want more and more.  3. Something I hear many people say when we talk about this kind of exhaustion is that when they sit down, they feel they should be doing something. People often feel guilty for not doing enough or for not helping others enough.  This may be a product of that mania and adrenaline. 

4. I've talked of the feeling of needing to help others in my podcast about putting everyone else first as well, so have a check on that.  And then finally, there might be a fear of what will happen if you don't keep doing, of what feelings might surface.  I'm not immune to this one myself, so I started to wind down early this year and to take stock of whether I really had to do all that I thought I had to do. 

And getting realistic and compassionate about this has actually been a bit of a saving grace for me.  My experience of the early signs of needing to slow down and take time for pleasure in life is a kind of feeling of drudgery that comes up in me.  The point at which a task or a list of tasks, or indeed my life, turns into a tiring chore that I soldier on through, that's the signal to me that I need more time for myself or for pleasure. 

Not taking time away from the things that have to be done is an easy habit to fall into.  So here's a list of questions that you can use to identify whether you might be being too productive.  Do you feel guilty of wasting time? If so, what does wasting time mean?  Do you often find yourself saying, I'm too busy? 

Are you constantly checking your phone or email?  When you don't finish the tasks on your list, do you feel bad?  Does stress from work keep you awake?  And have you been putting a break, exercise or hobbies off because you're too busy?  If this is you, it's time to wind down before you do some damage or have a really miserable Christmas. 

I'd recommend doing this before we get to Christmas, which is why I'm starting early this year. Here are some practical tips for doing that, for slowing down.  Number one. Just like I'd recommend when starting to overcome comfort eating, start small.  Take a few minutes to be quiet at first. See what happens from here.

You might be surprised that you like something about it.  Number two. Reduce your load.  Like I said of myself, take stock of what you really do need to get done and prioritise just one thing each day.  Stay  in the present.  Patrick Banks describes us as being addicted to the next thing.  This is where we're chasing the next hit, be that shopping, emails, tasks or snacks, all day long. 

My partner and I talked about this recently and we both realised that what we both do is procrastinate and procrastinate on something and then we suddenly kick into gear and we get it done.  This is quite a stressful way of being though. It causes me a little bit of mania and it's hard to wind down from that. 

But my intention here is just to normalise this for you. I'm not perfect either. These are not easy.  A man after my own heart though, Banks recommends stopping to ask yourself who you are in your life right now instead,  and coming to a place of admitting that you might not be satisfied.  And what you might not be satisfied with. 

If the thought of not having the one thing that you feel might cheer you up, food in this case, is depressing, you've got to wonder what in your life makes it so.  Be kind here. It's sometimes a belief that you shouldn't feel anything.  But like I said, allowing feeling also allows love, creativity, and joy. 

Number four, instead of just rolling with that dopamine chase, observe your resistance.  This is a lot like what I've been saying all year about staying with discomfort and being curious about what's going on for you instead, with love.  When your heart is racing and your teeth are clenched from plowing through your next adrenaline fueled task, be curious what's happening to you and what happens if you stop. 

Watch what your nervous system does Your thoughts, your emotions, it might not be favorable, so hold it with a giant amount of kindness and curiosity.  Be curious about what it is your resistance is trying to protect you from, and let that speak.  Here, you are literally building the brain pathway of inner resource, instead of having to rely on something external to make you happy. 

5.  Often the people I work with are people who cram all kinds of things in before our sessions, and everything they do.  Instead, deliberately overestimate time. Give yourself time to wait before any appointment.  We often underestimate the time we need to get ready, or procrastinate when we should be rushing. 

So, plan in extra time.  Again, you might find that uncomfortable, so be curious.  Number six. I take it as a huge compliment that I've got a client who starts yawning as soon as she gets on the phone to me.  This is a place I'd like to help you get to too.  It's all about becoming more comfortable in your own skin instead of being motivated by fear, addiction, or guilt. 

As I've said before, it's said that everything we do is motivated by survival, so be curious what that means in terms of your productivity.  What fear are you responding to in your drive to get the work done constantly?  What is it that you're trying to prove? Are you trying to prove yourself in some way? 

And do you need to do that?  Number seven,  and this might sound stupidly simple, but learn how to relax.  This also cannot be underestimated and may need to be learnt like any other skill.  There is a lot of information on this on YouTube, on the internet.  To that end, here's a relaxation exercise.  So get yourself as comfortable as possible and close your eyes if you're willing.

Of course you can keep them open if that makes you feel safer. But closing your eyes will help you to focus internally.  First of all, drop into your body. Drop into your breathing. Just noticing, without any judgement whatsoever.  Just noticing how your breath is right now. what your posture is, and allow yourself to sink a little bit further into your chair, onto the bed, wherever you're sitting. 

Now allow your mind to wander to a place that you've found relaxing in the past.  Could be by the sea, on holiday, at your grandma's house, somewhere where you've felt safe, free and relaxed.  Allow your mind to go there.  And to feel what that was like.  How did you know that you were relaxed and comfortable? 

What parts of your body showed you that?  What was the temperature like on your skin? Did that help you to relax?  Who was there that helped you to feel safe and relaxed?  What could you see? What could you smell?  And generally, how did you feel? 

And just start to notice whether your breathing is changing at all? Has your breathing got any deeper? 

This is one relaxation exercise. I'm not going to extend it because you can find things like this on the internet, but if this started to shift you into a different state, this is just an example of how this can work.  And another thing to do while you're in this state, while you've got your eyes closed, while you're thinking about your breathing and your body,  is to just clench your fists slightly and think about something that frustrates you a little bit, something you're finding difficult,  and then allow your fist to just clench a tiny bit more, exaggerate that while you're holding this tension, this difficulty, this thing that you find hard,  and then hold it and hold it. 

And then let it go  and really allow your hand to just drop and let go,  to curl up, to relax  and feel how it is to let go of that thing.  And again, you may want to do this a few times,  clench your fist and let go,  just noticing if that has any effect on your mind, on your breathing, on your state.  Before I end on a client quote, this is what I've covered today. 

Just like any other time, I've asked you to be curious about what's making you overeat at Christmas. In particular, to observe the Christmas food habits you're in, and to start to challenge these.  Then I started to talk about needing to stop being so productive and to slow down this Christmas.  Here I gave some ideas of what might motivate you to be overproductive. 

Then I gave you some questions to help you identify whether you might be being too productive and therefore headed for a fall.  This led on to giving you some suggestions for how to approach becoming less productive,  slowing down and relaxing.  Then I ended with a couple of relaxation techniques.  And now I'm going to let you know what my very wise client said. 

He said,  every moment we have the choice of whether to close down or to open up.  I love this quote because it's true for me too.  Unless your default is security, confidence and love, you have to consciously make this choice over and over again.  Every moment we have the choice of whether to close down or to open up. 

It's easy as a human being to be pulled unconsciously from one comfort,  task, habit, tradition, expectation, drug or dopamine hit to the next.  The road less traveled is making a conscious choice over and over again to open up to the bigger vibrancy of being human.  And this includes being kind to yourself and compassionate when you don't feel safe enough to open up.

My wish for you is a heartwarming, restful Christmas.  My next podcast and the last podcast of the year is going to be a summary of everything that I've done in this podcast so far. I'm going to be talking about the themes that I've been talking about and how they all fit in with comfort eating.  All of my programs are now closed until January, but I have started taking intakes for the January overeating course.

If you'd like to book an intake, I do still have a few spaces left before the end of the year.  Thank you for listening today. I'll see you next Wednesday. This is Shelley Treacher from Underground Confidence.