Postpartum + Baby Update

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Join me as I discuss the importance of trusting your intuition as a mother and the value of prioritizing mental and physical health. We'll also share some helpful tips for setting and reevaluating goals, staying motivated, and finding balance in daily life. As you listen, I hope my insights and experiences resonate with you, inspiring and supporting you on your own postpartum journey. And remember, fellow moms, you got this!
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For more information on the “Invest Your Best” online coaching AVAILABLE NOW visit:
https://www.investyourbestwithalikay.com/
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Website: https://www.investyourbestwithalikay.com/

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/alexandrawille/

Transcript

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Navigating Postpartum Depression

Speaker 1 0:02

Welcome to season four of the Invest Your Best podcast with Ali K . Come along as I casually explore what it takes to live your best life , mentally and physically , by focusing on the things you can control your thinking and actions . Come and listen as I have open , real and honest conversations about what it takes to step into action to live your best life . It's time to invest your best . All right , all right . Welcome to the Invest Your Best podcast .

Speaker 2 0:50

I'm your host , ali K . Thank you so much for tuning in and joining . I'm so happy you are here . On today's episode I am doing an update on my postpartum journey . When I sat down and thought about this episode I was like , okay , i'm going to do my six month update And then I realized it's 10 months . Like I had a baby almost 10 months ago . I cannot believe it . So I have so much to catch you up on . So stick around .

Speaker 2 1:29

It's so interesting when there's that saying how the days are long but the years are short , and that's exactly how I would define the postpartum period . Because you know , 10 months ago I would say from month one to month five was very rough this time around And I didn't think I was going to get out of whatever I was in . You know , i really experienced postpartum depression this time around And I'll tell you why . I think that is compared to my other two postpartum experiences . But , man , when you're in it , it feels like there isn't any light at the end of the tunnel . So I just want to say , if you are early in your postpartum journey , if this is your first child and you don't really have anything to compare it to , i just want to let you know you are not alone . It passes . There's the light at the end of the tunnel , it gets better . And get help , ask friends . You know , i think the biggest thing for me is I isolate myself when I'm going through something really hard , and hindsight is always 2020 . And I just I turned down so many people's phone calls or friends that were like , hey , i'll come watch the baby for you know , a couple hours while you shower , i'll bring you a coffee , just all the things , and I really shut out people And I really didn't talk a lot about what I was feeling or like the thoughts in my head that were really scary . So I just want to say I know it's it's , it's hard when you're in it , but as someone that's kind of on the outside , please , there's nothing to be shameful about to get help and ask for help . There's people that will rally around you . So I just want to throw that out there .

Speaker 2 3:21

But I want to talk about postpartum depression , because here's the thing you go to your doctor's appointment right after the six week mark and a nurse asks you like a series of questions , very casually , very fast before the doctor comes in , and it's like do you feel safe at home . Have you been crying ? Do you feel really sad ? You know , it's just very , very fast , very casual , and at my six week appointment I was definitely starting to feel the height and just sadness and no hope . And there's definitely that period where they call it baby blues . Whereas it's pretty typical to feel these feelings up until the six week mark , after that it typically subsides . Anything after that is usually a diagnostic criteria of postpartum depression .

Speaker 2 4:10

So I was very well aware that something was just not going the way that I was used to , you know , and I just felt very embarrassed and almost like shameful to be like , yeah , i am crying a lot , you know , and I didn't even bring it up to my doctor And it was shame . It was shame and embarrassment and it's interesting because you know I preach on here like get help , like you know , get counseling . There's nothing to be shameful about And I really felt it in that moment . But after I went home I went on telehealth . I love telehealth because it makes me feel comfortable in my home . There's just something about being in your home and being able to talk to your doctor without having to go to , like , the doctor's office and maybe knowing someone or knowing that this nurse was a friend of your , you know , just like all the things . And I went and I got help after that doctor's appointment from a telehealth resource . So I just want to say there's other resources out there . Your doctor is not like the end , all be all . There's other resources out there And thankfully I recognize that . But I do want to say like you're not alone . If you feel embarrassed or just shameful when you know something's off , you know mentally . So I just want to reiterate that you are not alone .

Speaker 2 5:34

But there's two things I really think contributed to my postpartum depression that I want to kind of just talk about , especially if you are pregnant and you're about to go into your postpartum journey . Because for me , you know , this was my third postpartum experience And I had a plan in place of how I was going to do postpartum . You know I was going to be on a schedule . I was going to focus on foods that were nutrient dense . I was going to go for like . I had this plan in my mind and then all of a sudden , you know , shit got real And it was like that plan didn't exist . So I just want to say the biggest thing that was really different .

Speaker 2 6:18

There were two things that were really different this time around with my postpartum was one my whole exclusive pumping thing . I had never experienced that before And I was pumping every two hours And it was mentally draining . It was draining in the sense where , like you know , i would finally lay down for nighttime and I would have to wake up and pump because I would have to feed them on demand . If you want to know more about , like , why this happened , i talked about it in my initial postpartum journey update episode . It's probably like five episodes ago , but definitely listen to that . But yeah , i was pumping every two hours and that is such just mentally draining . So I think that definitely contributed to it .

Speaker 2 7:08

But it was also the sleep . Now here's the thing I definitely lost sleep with , like my first two kids , but I , they were nursing , they would latch on to me , so I would , you know , lay in bed at night if they woke up and I would just put them on my boob and they would fall asleep . You know , if they woke up in the middle of the night , i could put them back on my boob and they would fall asleep And I think I definitely got a lot more sleep the first two postpartum errors this time around , because he wouldn't take my boob . You know , we had to make bottles , i had a pump And and I had to make bottles , i had to make bottles . I would nap during the day , but I really think there's something about your circadian rhythm and staying on it .

Speaker 2 7:56

So , hindsight , if I could go back , what I would make more of a point to do this time around when it comes to lack of sleep is really making it a point to go to bed at like 7 or 8 pm when the baby went to bed , because the baby would do like he would go down from 6 or 7 pm until like 10 or 11 . You know , that was like a solid stretch and I would stay up because you know how . you also want to have your time to yourself , but I would really reinforce going to bed when the sun goes down with the baby And also asking your partner to step in . I think I definitely had this mindset with all my postpartum experiences where my husband has to get up at 5 am . Therefore , i would do the night shift . You know , it was just . That was like the give and take of it And I think I just I just needed to ask him more to get sleep at night and whether it was like we did shifts or something . But I think really prioritizing your sleep at nighttime is a must because your body stays on that circadian rhythm .

Speaker 2 9:02

I really think me not getting sleep around really played into my depression , because when your basic needs are compromised , everything else in your body , your brain , cannot function properly , and I think that's what was really contributing to it . We did have the night nurse occasionally . She was amazing , but you know that's that was really expensive and we couldn't have that resource all the time . There were definitely friends of mine that said , hey , i can come over at night and help a couple hours and like no , no , no , i wish I took , i accepted that help . So I just want to say , even if you don't have , obviously , the money for a night nurse , like we , we didn't have the money to have a night nurse 24 seven . There's other resources out there , but I think it really comes down to setting up some type of sleep schedule with your partner so that you're getting sleep at night . And also another thing I realized you know the saying sleep with the baby . When I did that during the day , i felt even more groggy . So again , i mean , i'm not a doctor , but I think there's definitely something about the circadian rhythm where you know you rise when the sun rises and you go down when the sun sets . That's just your natural rhythm and I think really highlighting that sleep at night is like key . So that's what I think contributed a lot to the depression . I just think , with the sleep , that basic need really just threw through me out of whack And I will say month five was like the light at the end of the tunnel .

Speaker 2 10:41

So if you are really early in your postpartum journey , hang in there . I'm telling you , month five is when everything changed . Okay , so I get a lot of questions about , like , my body , weight loss and all the things I want to talk about that . So I nursed and I pumped while I tried to nurse , but I was exclusively , exclusively pumping , producing milk , up until month five . Now , between months one and months five , i still move my body 30 minutes a day , whether it was walking .

Nursing and Postpartum Weight Loss

Speaker 2 11:15

I really , really tried to focus on nutrient dense foods , even more so while I was nursing , because my whole perspective is when you are nurturing your body and you're giving your body what it needs . Then you could produce more milk . You know that was my mindset . So I really tried to eat less of sugar carbs , not not like good carbs , but the white . You know , processed food is what I tried to stay away from or eat less of . And then I would always do electrolytes .

Speaker 2 11:51

I will say I was doing liquid IV a lot while I was nursing . It really helped me produce the milk electrolytes . But I will say liquid IV has a lot of sugar in it and there's alternatives , which is elementy element , but it's elementy . That's like a cleaner brand . Go check them out . I really enjoy those and I was like downing packets , probably like two or three times a day . It really , for me it really made a difference . I don't know if it was like the placebo effect , but it makes sense . You're feeding your body electrolytes and you produce more milk . But it had a lot of sugar in it . So elementy is a really great option , but anyways .

Speaker 2 12:31

So what I was saying is month one through five , while I was nursing , you know I was still . You know I wasn't really eating everything in anything . I was moving my body , i was eating Pretty clean . I wasn't perfect , but I would definitely say I was doing like the 7030 rule , i would say my portions were bigger because I was hungrier , but nothing more extreme than what I'm doing now , and my body just held on too fat . And I was listening to something where they talk about you know , when you nurse , when your body is producing milk , it actually slows down your metabolism and you become insulin sensitive . I'm sorry , not insulin sensitive , insulin resistant . So a lot of women have heard you know , oh , when you nurse , you're , you're burning all these calories and I just can't keep the weight off while I'm nursing . And yes , you are burning calories , and that may be true for some women where it really helps them to shed pounds , but for me it was the exact opposite . My body just kept on this fat and I think it slowed down my metabolism and I was more insulin resistant . And the reason why I say that is because after I started reducing pumping month five , like , i immediately saw a big change in my body . It was like a big jump , the most progress I've made throughout my entire postpartum journey and Again , like the scale wasn't really moving up until that point .

Speaker 2 14:07

So I'm not advocating to go stop nursing , that's not what I'm saying . I'm just trying to give you the reality of it But also give you hope . If you're nursing and you're like I , can't like , my body is just not Responding to what I'm doing . What I want to say is there's light at the end of the tunnel . When the time is right , you know , and you do stop nursing , your body will adapt . But I think it's also having the mindset that while you're nursing and pumping like this is such a small time in your life , especially if you're nursing like I I really wish I could a nurse this time around . It's such a special time if you do choose to nurse your child And no judgments . If you don't like my kid had formula It's it's all good . But there is , like you know , that enjoyment when , when you nurse and I just want to give that perspective That it's such a short time and it's just another sacrifice that we mothers and women make After pregnancy and that we will continue making for our kids .

Speaker 2 15:10

And so when you do stop , your body Most likely will respond , if it's anything like mine , But I just want to say that that was like something that I think , the more I talk about even on like social media a lot , of women .

Speaker 2 15:23

They're like oh my gosh , i thought I was the only one , but I am the one where , like , i kept the , the fat on , so my body . So , after month five , my body started responding to what I was doing and , like I said , i didn't do anything more extreme than what I was doing the first five months of postpartum . I just think it was the , my metabolism sped up a little more , so there's hope . One other thing I really want to talk about that I feel like I'm doing a little differently this time around that has helped is I think I was guilty of the first two postpartum times in my life Where I was putting my happiness on hold , and I've talked about this before . But I really have shifted my mentality Where , like the past four months of this postpartum , like I'm still in my postpartum phase , you know , i still have 20 pounds to lose , i'm still Not the version of myself that I want to be , you know , but I'm still like living life . And I think that's completely different Mentality that I had the first two times around , because I was putting my happiness on hold . I was always telling myself okay , when I reach this weight , then I can wear these clothes , or then we'll go on this vacation or then , you know , i'll feel sexy and then I'll feel comfortable with , like , having sex with my husband . You know , just like all this narrative in my mind , that was like just wait till you're at this point . Just wait till you're at this point , and I think this time around I know my situation is not temporary or permanent . Like your situation is temporary . Postpartum is temporary And I think , if you adapt the mindset that we are constantly evolving , we're constantly , you know , getting better , putting in the work , we can change our brains , can change all the things , that it makes it easier to not get stuck

Postpartum Mindset and Motherhood Intuition

Speaker 2 17:21

on the here and now . And I've chosen I still have to catch myself , but I've really chosen not to tear myself up in the mirror . Do I have stretch marks and weird nipples and Weird things going on , like my belly button this postpartum ? Yes , of course , like I see the stretch marks , like There was damage there . There was damage that was done . But I'm also like It's okay , let's , let's just see where I am in a year and then we'll assess the situation and go from there like I know Nothing , like it's all fixable and and it's all fine .

Speaker 2 17:58

So I really have adapted this mindset where I want to live the life Like we just want on our tenure anniversary trip and usually I probably would have not planned a trip like that because You know , when you go on trips you think of like clothes , what are you going to wear , how are you going to feel , and I think I'm just living in the moment . It's okay , and I think that's been like such a milestone for me because I really was guilty of putting my happiness on hold . So I just want to say , if you feel stuck , if you feel like you're not making progress , if you feel like You're still in that mindset of I want to feel like my old self . That's such a like a distorted thought that's going to keep you from pushing forward and evolving . I think another big thing is having that mindset of You're never gonna be the person you were before you had a baby , before you had kids , you know , and it's about wanting to create a new version of you . That's so exciting , like who wants to go back to their old self . Your old self has not experienced The stuff and experiences you have today , so it's really about focusing on . I want to become this new Version of myself and I think that's the exciting part that we're like we're works in progress And we get to put in the work and and do all the things every single day . And when I say put in the work , i mean , like you know , personal growth as well , like putting in the work of healing and working on our mindset And what we're telling ourselves and how we view , you know , our situation in the world and just all the things . And this way we keep evolving .

Speaker 2 19:55

So another thing about postpartum that I want to talk about that I feel like I'm doing a little differently this time around is maybe it's third child things too . I'm just listening to what I want to do as a mother , and it's so hard to do that and tune other people out , and I think , especially as , like , first time moms , it's a lot harder because everyone has opinion , including your own mother . But I feel like this is my third baby . I feel a lot more confident in who I am as a person , but not only as a person as a mother , where I am just listening to my intuition and doing what I know and feel is best for my child . And that was not starting solids right at four months , like I did not see the cues from my son . There's other people on the internet that are doing solids and their baby is like eating corn at four months Maybe not corn , but I feel like I'm always on Instagram and they're eating like corn and beans . And people that have kids my age . I'm like , well , what is happening ? My kid hasn't even had solids , but I just knew it wasn't the right time . So my kid right now is just now getting introduced to solids and he's thriving . But I'm glad I listened to myself and saved just the time of not trying to introduce something that I didn't feel was right . And I think that's also like with formula like you introduce formula or give your kid formula or don't give your kid formula or nurse them . Don't nurse them . Sleep with them . You do what you feel is best . You're the mother , and that's another thing .

Speaker 2 21:38

Like with my son he is a third child and I think I'm not beating myself up with schedules with him And of course I'm listening to the cues of he takes naps around the same time , but we're focusing on the cues . When I see he's tired , he goes down . It's not like , okay , at 9 am he needs to go down and then he has to sleep and someone has to stay at the house while I go do this . That's just not a realistic thing for us . So we're doing cues with him and we're just kind of like listening to him and some days his naps are at 9 am , other there sometimes are at 10 am . We're just kind of going with the flow . But I also think that's when you have three kids , because a child needs to be picked up at this time and the baby's sleeping and I have to wake him up and put him in the car . But you know what , he adapts and he goes back to sleep . So I'm not beating myself up with very strict schedules And you know schedules work great for people like strict schedules and times and I know a lot of moms need that for their mentality , their sanity and their kids need that . And we're just a little more loose in that just because I think he is a third and we kind of just have to go with the flow .

Speaker 2 23:02

Speaking of schedules , someone just asked me the question about like how do you not get into , like the stay at home mom rut , or even , you know , the postpartum , if you're home , postpartum wise , and one thing that I did with my first two kids . That I didn't really do this time around , and I'm not trying to contradict myself , but it's not a schedule , but it's more of like a structure and routine that I really suggest and it's not something where you have to like be a stickler to it . But one thing that really helped me is when I set intention for my day , and I didn't do it this time around , and I think that was also what contributed to the postpartum depression , because my day didn't really have meaning . I mean , of course , i was taking care of my baby , but I was lost as far as like , what am I supposed to be doing ? So I really suggest , like creating some type of like structure , and I think definitely , as you know , the baby is between like right now , my son is sitting and crawling backwards and he wants to watch Ms Rachel and he wants to interact and he wants to be sung too . So having something where it's like to break up the day , where it's like , you know , from eight to nine we play this game or we talk , and then from nine to nine thirty , we go and run an errand , you know , just like , have some type of like layout of your day , really helps to break it up and then , from ten to eleven , you go for a walk And I will say , like going out and walking makes all the difference

Prioritizing Mental and Physical Health

Speaker 2 24:39

for me .

Speaker 2 24:39

There is something about being in the sun , getting that vitamin D , getting that sunlight on my face again , going back to that circadian rhythm , like waking yourself up and knowing it's time to start the day . My son loves it . All three of my kids have loved walks And I just really encourage you , like , don't underestimate a walk for your mental health . Like those walks can really boost your mood , your energy . Just it has like a little , just a flip of it can really help just change your perspective . You know you're cooped up in the house all day and then you go outside for a walk and you just feel . You just feel better . So don't ever underestimate a walk for your mental health . Go outside , walk , feel the sun on your face , feel the dope of me get released and just feel like 10% better than you did before you went outside for that walk . And the best thing about walks is , you know , having your child in the stroller . Like they love it , and so I really think me walking throughout my entire postpartum And now you know my walking has turned into running , which is exciting . It's all like an evolution . Does that make sense ? Okay , so that's pretty much my update on postpartum .

Speaker 2 26:15

I will say we just went away for our 10 year anniversary . That's like another thing . It's funny how or at least for me , i know not everyone is like me , but it's a lot easier to leave your kids the third time around , especially with , like , your parent . My mom watched our kids and I just knew they were in good hands , everything would be okay And we would come back feeling really , you know , just rejuvenated as parents , like we needed this trip . So I think like again , it's what you tell yourself And I remember like with my first son , i never wanted to leave him . Like I always thought something was going to happen to him . No one would be able to watch him the way they watched me . He would miss me so much . You know that was the narrative and the story I was telling myself . So this time around , i'm like the kids are going to be great , they're going to have fun . We'll talk to them , you know they'll be okay And , of course , they were okay . So I'm so happy that we did take that trip .

Speaker 2 27:16

I will say we ate a lot of bread , a lot of sugar , i drink wine and I feel like crap . So what , i am going to continue doing my postpartum journey , which , you know , i'm around 10 months now . I still have about 20 pounds to lose , but I feel like I really need to build back my muscles and really be intentional with weightlifting . I personally really love weightlifting and I just want to put it or bring it back into my schedule at least three times a week . So , again , i think this is with anything , as you set goals or you set plans and then , after a certain amount of time , you reevaluate and you set new goals and you create new plans . And that's what I'm doing right now , because I feel like I'm at the next level of my journey , especially with my body . So I am going to continue to eliminate gluten , sugar and like the white processed foods .

Speaker 2 28:15

I just truly see a difference when I include those in my life . Like my stomach is so bloated , i just feel moody , like just not , i don't have any clarity , you know . Just , i feel the difference And I think that's the biggest thing is when you know how good you feel when you don't include those things . I think that's like with my journey with eliminating alcohol , like I never had something to compare not drinking to , like I was always drinking since I was 21 . So being hungover on the weekends was normal . You know that I had nothing to compare it to . And now that I eliminated alcohol for so long , i know how good I feel without it and how productive my weekends can be and how great my sleep is . I have something to compare it to And I think that's with , like the gluten , the sugar and the white processed foods too , like I've eliminated it consistently enough , where I know , now that I've included it back into my life , how just mentally foggy I feel , how unmotivated , how physically bloated I feel , how I feel sluggish , like I have something to compare it to , which makes it even easier for me to say , hey , i really don't wanna include that in my life right now . So again , i don't think I'm going to be 100% Like perfect on this , but I think , just going back to that 70 30 rule , where you know I am going to focus less on it and more on that nutrient dense whole foods So that's really what I'm focusing on is weights Really the nutrient dense foods , without those Things that I have told you about gluten , sugar , white carbs or white processed food .

Speaker 2 30:06

And then I'm also doing the couch to 10k . So if you want to run , if you , if you just want to start running , there's these great apps . This is not sponsored , but couch to 5k and couch to 10k and what it is is they give you a daily plan , and some of those days are rest days , of course , but it's interval training . So my day one for the 10k plan was I would run for one minute and then walk for 1.5 . One minute 30 seconds , and I did that six times and then that was my workout . That was , and then I would cool down and cool off . So Those are really great Ways to start running if that's something what you want to do . But that's what I'm focusing on and it's great to have a plan .

Speaker 2 30:52

Speaking of plans , if you just want to start your journey , you have no idea where to start , but you just want to feel mentally and physically better , you want to start build habits and you want to prioritize your mental and physical health . I do offer online coaching with my . Coaching is not about extreme changes . It's all about building habits and focusing on your mindset so that you can create a sustainable lifestyle that works for you . I do have challenges every so often .

Speaker 2 31:21

Right now , we are in deep with the selfish mom challenge and again , when I say selfish , i want to put a positive spin on what it means To be a selfish mom . A selfish mom is someone who puts her personal , physical , mental Needs before her kids , and the reason she does that is she wants to be and become her best self so that she can give her best self To her kids , her loved ones , her work , whatever . So it's a win . Win for everyone when you are a selfish mom and unfortunately , some people in society think that is selfish and that's why we're just gonna play into it and Make it a positive thing .

Speaker 2 32:01

So if you really want to start prioritizing your mental and physical health , let me hold your hand and doing it . I give you all the resources so that you can start prioritizing you by making small and slow and steady Steps . But here's the thing I can only lead you to the water You have to drink and sometimes people aren't ready to make that change or they're still in their head , fighting about it , fighting themselves on it . So really reach out to me . Let's see if this is a good program That works for you if you truly just want to start making those small and steady changes

Soliciting Listener Feedback

Speaker 2 32:36

. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the invest your best podcast . If you have any ideas of what you want to hear on future episodes , if you want to hear something , if you want to have a certain guest on the show , if you want to learn about a specific topic , shoot me a DM . I always want to hear what you want to hear and Hopefully we can make it into an episode so I will catch you next time . Thanks for listening . I