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The Caregiver Cup Podcast
Empowering caregivers with knowledge, resources and tools so they can be the best they can be. This podcast focuses on ways for the caregiver to reduce stress, burnout, can embrace moments of joy in their new normal. Listen weekly to Cathy's personal experiences, coaching, tips, inspiration, and interviews.
The Caregiver Cup Podcast
Lifting Their Spirits Without Losing Yourself: Caregiver Motivation and Emotional Support/ PART 1
Emotional support isn't just something we provide as caregivers—it's often the most exhausting yet invisible part of our role. When our loved ones are in pain, frustrated, or losing hope, we become their cheerleaders, their comforters, and their gentle push to keep going, sometimes when we barely have enough emotional energy for ourselves.
This episode explores what emotional support truly looks like in caregiving relationships and how to provide it in ways that are sustainable for both you and your loved one. Drawing from my current experience supporting my husband Denis through his stem cell transplant at Froedtert Hospital, I share honest reflections on what it means to hold someone's hope while managing your own emotional wellbeing.
We unpack the many unseen roles caregivers juggle—from medical assistant to financial administrator—with special focus on being an "emotional motivator." You'll discover practical approaches for offering compassionate support without trying to fix everything, creating micro-moments of motivation when big celebrations aren't possible, and establishing simple routines that anchor both of you during chaotic times.
Most importantly, this episode gives you permission to acknowledge how exhausting emotional labor can be, even when you're "just sitting there" beside your loved one. Learn strategies for checking in with your emotional tank, protecting your energy, and showing up with genuine presence rather than forced cheerfulness.
This is part one of a two-part series on emotional support in caregiving. Next week, we'll tackle the harder questions: what to do when your loved one doesn't want motivation, how to set healthy emotional boundaries, and when to call in reinforcements for yourself.
What's one way you can offer emotional support to your loved one this week without draining your own energy? I'd love to hear your thoughts—text me and share your experience!
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Well, hello my caregiver friend, and welcome to another episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. It's Kathy here. Before we get started today, though, I wanted to go ahead and wish you a belated Mother's Day. If you are a mother, a grandma, adopted mom, an aunt or any maternal mom in any way, I want to wish you that belated, happy Mother's Day, if you're a fur baby mom or anything. So I hope you had a good day, or I hope you had some time to relax. I know caregiving doesn't allow moms or wives or any of us women to go ahead and rest too much, but I hope you had a moment or two that you could go ahead and recognize yourself and the contributions that you give as a mom or a mom figure. Well, I want to let you know that today's episode is going to look a little different because when I started or what started as one episode I should say, turned into so much more the stories I've heard this week from fellow caregivers at the housing place that I'm at that's called Kathy's House and my own experiences with Dennis during his transplant opened the floodgates on a topic that runs so deep how we, as caregivers, keep our loved ones emotionally supported and motivated while not completely losing ourselves in the process. So this week will be part one, next week will be part two, and I think both of them are going to have significant information for you and you're going to go ahead and really get some things out of it. So I realize that there's just too much to unpack in one setting. So, like I said, it's going to be a two-part setting series and the series is going to be called Lifting your Spirits Without Losing Yourself, but each episode will have a specific title. So let's talk about today. In this episode, we're going to explore what emotional support really looks like for you as a caregiver. Also how to show up with compassion without trying to fix everything, because that's what we like to do and simply grounded ways to offer encouragement while caring for our emotional energy as well. So that's going to be this week, and then next week I'll walk through what do you do when your loved one doesn't want motivation, how to set healthy emotional boundaries as a caregiver, and what to do when your emotional support just isn't enough and you need to call in back up for yourself.
Speaker 1:So, without further ado, let's jump into part one and start by looking at the roles we juggle as caregivers and the one that's most invisible of all, our emotional motivator. So, like I said, this past week I've had the honor and really it's been really eye-opening of connecting with some incredible caregivers here at Kathy's House. Usually, how we do this it's a temporary housing and people the average people that stay here are caring for a loved one who's going through a transplant, a stroke, any type of intense treatment, and the average stay here at Kathy's house is 17 days. So people are usually here two weeks, two like for me. I'm here for three months, and so this temporary home for many of us whose loved ones are undergoing treatment at Freighter's Hospital, which is right across the street, in the common spaces, like the laundry rooms or the kitchen area, or even over cups of their lukewarm coffee, we've shared stories and tears and the unspoken understanding only caregivers can truly feel. One common thread that kept surfacing in my conversations with them was this heavy emotional role we play, being the emotional support system for our loved ones. Most of our loved ones are staying overnight at the hospital or having to travel there every single day, and when they're in pain, when they're depressed, when they've lost motivation or just sick of fighting, we become their cheerleaders, their comforters, their gentle push to keep going. And let me tell you that role can be just as exhausting as managing meds or doctor visits. It can leave you questioning if you're saying the right things, doing enough, or why your loved one and encouragement still isn't lifting their spirits.
Speaker 1:I'm recording this on the Sunday before Tuesday and Dennis is really struggling today and he's been for the last couple of days and I see it in others here and, like I said, I'm living it with Dennis, who is currently inpatient. He's been inpatient since April 24. And he's not expected to get out till. Maybe his target date is May 21. And he's working through his stem cell transplant and there are days when his energy is so low and his spirit feels miles away and I find myself trying to pull joy out of the air, thinking of ways to really keep him feeling just a little more like himself. But it's hard. It's so hard to keep showing up emotionally when you're barely holding it together yourself, showing up emotionally when you're barely holding it together yourself. Or, for me, seeing him so sick and just no energy. I joke because I was telling my son this. We were FaceTiming this morning and I said I told dad a story this really good story about somebody I met here at Kathy's house and he fell asleep during my story, you know, and he just it's like, oh okay, maybe I'll have to share it with him later. So if you're feeling stuck between trying to lift your loved one up and just trying to stay afloat yourself, you are absolutely not alone.
Speaker 1:My friend, this episode is for you, and what I want to talk about first, and what I want to set the stage for first in this episode, is the many roles as a caregiver we play. You know, if caregiving came up with an actual job description, if you think about it, it wouldn't be a one-pager, it would be like a book, pages and pages of things that caregivers do, because we just don't do one job, we do all the jobs and really with little to no experience. So let me play it out for you. And let's say we had to write up a job description. We would say caregiver wanted. The ad would be the job title would be family caregiver or spousal caregiver or whatever. It would be. The experience required none Training provided daily on the fly, isn't that true? We just learn as we go. The job type would be full-time, on-call and no set hours. It's not. We have to figure it out the duties. Think about all of the things that you've done as a caregiver. I'm just going to rattle off what I came up with Medical assistant, managing meds, taking vitals, monitoring symptoms.
Speaker 1:An advocate You're asking questions, researching treatment, attending every appointment, and I've learned so much with him being inpatient. All of the medical team, it's the CNAs, the RNs, the different levels, dnas, the RNs, the different levels. It's the physician's assistants, the doctors, the physical therapy, the dietitian. I could go on and on. You're also a scheduler and coordinator, juggling doctor's visits, lab work, follow-ups. You're a chef and a nutritionist, sometimes the person that has to be the nutrition sheriff but you're prepping meals, managing dietary needs, coaxing bites or managing bites and he wanted to and we would catch him stealing more treats or bribing people to give him a cookie, because nobody gave him a cookie today and that's probably his 15th one.
Speaker 1:We're a cleaner. We're keeping the home safe, sanitized, changing the bedding, the diapers or the unwanted accidents. We're the financial admin, handling insurance calls, billing claims. For me it's submitting grant claims. We do the transportation getting to and from hospitals, pharmacies and back again. Now, depending on our loved one. The transportation may be easy or it may be harder if they need a wheelchair or a walker.
Speaker 1:Then we're going into the topic we're talking about today the emotional support. We're keeping our loved one hopeful and positive and engaged. And finally we're the self-care manager. Oh, just kidding, that one really rarely gets done and we're supposed to be taking care of our own personal self-care. So that would be a job description. And here's the kicker Most of this work is invisible To the outside world.
Speaker 1:It might look like we're just sitting next to our loved one at the hospital or just driving them to appointments. But what they don't see is everything we're managing inside the mental checklist the emotional weight, the constant adjusting of our own needs and our own schedules to meet theirs constant adjusting of our own needs and our own schedules to meet theirs. And tucked inside this job description, often overlooked but deeply felt, is the role of the emotional motivator. We're not just giving meds or meals. We're trying to give them a reason to keep going. That's a big one. To take the next step, to find a flicker of joy, to believe that hope still lives with them. One of my favorite reminders is we just don't hold their meds. We often hold their hope too, and sometimes they just wait for that. That's why the role that we play can feel so heavy, because their emotions and when I'm talking about their, our loved one's emotions, fears and motivations are so deeply intertwined with ours.
Speaker 1:So today I want to unpack this emotional side of caregiving. How do we lift up our loved one's spirits without draining our own? How do we offer motivation that's genuine and sustainable? And what do we do when it's not working? And it's just not working anymore? What do we do? So let's talk about.
Speaker 1:When you hear the phrase emotional support, you might picture someone holding hands or offering comforting words. But in caregiving, emotional support becomes something much deeper and more complex, and you have to think about it. What does it look like for you and your loved ones? And I'll talk about this. It looks different to every single one of us. It means being the safe place your loved one can fall apart in, and falling apart can mean crying, it can mean yelling, it can mean getting grumpity and the steady voice that is helping them keep going. So we have to do that. It's showing up in those quiet moments, in those messy emotions and in the fears no one else sees. So what does emotional support look like to you, my friend, in your caregiving? What does it look like? Hmm, here are a few ways in which, or a few ways, it shows up in the real life, day to day. So I'm going to go through these.
Speaker 1:Being present during hard times is one of them. It looks like Sometimes emotional support isn't about saying anything, it's just about being there. As Dennis goes through his stem cell transplant, there are days I just sit next to his bed, maybe hold his hand or sometimes he doesn't want me to even touch him and just say I'm here. That present alone can say more than anything any pep talk ever could Just being there. Dennis is struggling right now with severe intestinal, gastrointestinal issues. It's so severe and it's been like that for a few days year, and it's been like that for a few days, and so he doesn't have much to talk about and he is a talker, sometimes driving me crazy. So he's been really quiet, so I just sit there.
Speaker 1:Silence paired with compassion is powerful. You don't need to fill every moment with words to make an impact. You know, I just sat there, I turned the TV down on low or I would journal, whatever, while he was sleeping. I would ask him if he needed anything and just was there. So another one would be offering words of encouragement and I'm talking about the right kind, because we all know that wording is so important.
Speaker 1:This isn't about scripted affirmation by all means. It's about knowing your person, knowing your loved one. What encouragement actually lands for your loved one? Things like I thought about try like you're doing your best and that's enough. Today, if they're you know, like I just don't know if I can do this anymore, or I don't feel good and I'm like your body is doing its best and you're just. You just need to stay. You need to just accept today is going to be what it is. You're doing your best and that's enough. You walk like for Dennis. He walked. He walked four laps in the hospital and on the hospital floor this morning and he usually likes to do it throughout the day, but he can't today and I'm like you did your best. You know you ate a quarter of the sandwich. That's your best today.
Speaker 1:Words of encouragement is you're not alone in this. I'm here for you. It's okay to feel tired. I'm here with you, it's okay. I said to Dennis today let your body heal, and sometimes the best way your body heal is just fall asleep. And another one is you are right where you need to be right now. I asked the doctor today, where you know I'm like he's struggling with diarrhea and, and you know, just extreme fatigue today, and the doctor's like this is where he's going to be and I'm like when can he see some relief? And it's like when his lab numbers go up, that's when he's going to be. And so this is part of the process. And I said to Dennis I'm like you are right where you need to be right now and I'm going to be with you every step of the day, knowing that this won't last forever.
Speaker 1:So focus on their progress, not their perfection. Don't pick on them if they can't eat or they can't drink, and stay rooted in the present. Don't say you know soon you'll be out. Maybe that feels like forever to them. It reminds me when I used to run my half marathons and people would be on the sidelines and they would say to me because for me it was 13.1 miles and that 0.1 mile was the hardest one, and people would be like at mile 10, you're almost there. And I'm thinking to myself and I'm swearing in my head. I'm not almost there. I got 3.1 miles left and these are the hardest ones as well. Instead of saying you're doing great, keep it up, that's the things that I needed, you know kind of thing, but I mean people all mean well, okay, here's another one to think about Creating small moments of joy or comfort. Emotional support also comes in form of peace and connection and even laughter. Maybe think about a warm blanket that you know if that brings them some comfort.
Speaker 1:A FaceTime call from the grandkids. My daughter-in-law messaged me today because our middle daughter, ariana, had a soccer game and Dennis and I would always go to her soccer games and just travel on Saturday and go to the one-hour soccer game. It was so fun just to see the kids play, and she's 12 years old and we couldn't be there. My daughter-in-law texted us and said are you up to watching her soccer game? Because we can FaceTime it, and so I asked Dennis, can we do that? He watched probably three quarters of it. He slept a little bit through it, but it just brought a little bit of joy in the moment because he watched it and got to see her play. A few days ago we played a game of checkers. That was something, or share a silly memory and talking about, about you know, oh, do you remember? You know a year ago today, what we were doing and we can laugh about it.
Speaker 1:These small, intentional moments provide emotional oxygen. Think of those. Sometimes, joy doesn't have to feel big to be meaningful. Another one is helping them process fear and anger. This one's tough but essential. Your loved one may lash out or cry or shout at you or have an angry outburst. Let them honor their emotions and try not to take them personally and say things like that.
Speaker 1:That sounds really hard. You want to talk more about it. It's okay to feel angry and scared. I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, you can say that. I can't imagine how frustrating this is for you. I mean, I think about Dennis. He has to be in there right now projected 27 days, that's what the projected time frame is right now and so he's about halfway there, but he doesn't get to see the fresh air, he doesn't see the sunrise and sunset from his window. He's walking the halls with the lights, he sees the nurses, he sees me, he interacts on social media, but that's it.
Speaker 1:And if it's more than you can support alone, you know, bring in a chaplain, talk to a therapist, someone from the care team, and you have that opportunity to go ahead and walk the hall, maybe while they're taking a nap, and talk to that nurse and saying I don't know what else I can do for him. He seems really cranky or he has these outbursts and they help. You understand, because they see it every single day and they know, like for the nurses, they know that, oh yeah, this is the hard week, this is going to happen the hard week. Or, yeah, I can see what you're saying and you can say is there somebody or something that we can do? You don't have to carry this emotional weight alone. So remember that Maybe it's something as simple too, as you, after you leave there at the end of the day or you go for your lunch break, you can go ahead and send a text to maybe your loved one's friend or a coworker and say, hey, his spirits are really down.
Speaker 1:You know, I would love for you. Could you do me a favor? And you know, send him a note about what's happening at work, or give him a call or ask him if he wants to chat to get their mind off of something. That always is a help thing, and another one here is letting go of toxic positivity. This is a big one.
Speaker 1:As caregivers, we want to say things that make them feel better, but blanket statements like just stay positive or everything happens for a reason can feel dismissive. When your loved one is in pain, just like you're almost there that one for me, just it's like nails on a chalkboard. Instead, acknowledge the hard stuff yeah, this sucks. I wish I could take it all away from you. Or if they say I'll never get better, ask the doctor for a reality check. For example, when Dennis said that his medicine team helped.
Speaker 1:When Dennis said this, his medicine or medical team helped reframe the situation. Actually, where you're at is the expected for this stage, like this morning and I'm fumbling with my words here, but this morning I knew that Dennis is getting frustrated with his gastrointestinal stuff, and so I asked the doctor today, you know, when do we see relief from this, or when will Dennis see relief from this? And he said, as his numbers improve, this is going to go away. And so that real truth then is grounded and not a forced cheerfulness from me because I don't know the answer. So think about what they're saying and how frustrated they might be. Dennis has to get these shots to promote his white blood cell count, and so every time he sees the shot, you can see that he's just cringing and frustrated, and so you can just say just take it, dennis, you're going to get through this, no kind of get some grounded information about it. How much longer does he have to take this? And as his white blood cell counts improve, I can say well, your white blood cell counts went up five last night, which means that we're getting closer now. And so we talk about that and we talk about the facts.
Speaker 1:And the last one in this section. I'm trying to think what we were talking, how I framed this one here once, the last one that when we're showing up and offering support, another one might be normalize the emotional roller coaster for you and your loved one. Caregiving will stretch every emotion you have for sure. We know that you might feel hopeless one minute and helpless the next minute, same for your loved one. What helps me is journaling Each morning. I write down the facts, what's happening medically. I write down my feelings without judgment. I write down one thing I'm grateful for it's grounding me, and so it helps me separate the truth from my fears. So you are allowed to have emotions and that's an important piece as well. So when you're thinking about normalizing your emotional roller coaster, you want to go ahead and be aware of them and don't sweep them underneath the rug. Maybe you're journaling today about you know, you're probably feeling the same thing as your loved one.
Speaker 1:For me personally, two days ago, in my head and I had to go ahead and try to walk into Dennis's room without showing those down emotions, I was like I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. This is so. It's like it felt like every day I was getting up and it was Groundhog's Day. I get up, I would do the wash usually his soiled wash from the hospital, and I would do that in the morning, go for my morning walk, take my shower, eat my breakfast and walk over there and sit for five to eight hours. I didn't want to do this anymore, but I know he needs the emotional support and I had to journal it out. I had to journal out the facts. Yeah, you don't want to do this. It sucks.
Speaker 1:It's like sometimes when you have to go into work and your, your work is not any fun, you know, or you have to do something you don't like. Those are the facts, and I'm I'm feeling it because I miss him with me, I miss our home, I miss the dogs. I just want him to be better. You know that kind of thing. But then I focused on what I'm grateful for. I have a wonderful support team at home taking care of everything for us, and people are filling in and doing their part. He has a wonderful medical team and, in the long run, he's going to be better, he's going to feel better.
Speaker 1:So emotional support, though, isn't about being the perfect cheerleader, because we aren't. It's about being the steady, compassionate presence your loved one can count on, even when things feel dark. And remember you are doing emotional labor every day. This takes strength, love and courage. Most people don't even see it's exhausting too. So when you are providing emotional support, recognize that you're going to be tired. I said to myself when I was journaling why am I so flipping tired? Because I walk, I'm eating healthy, I'm taking my breaks while he's in the hospital by either walking the halls or, you know, taking a little jaunt away. So I get away, but I leave there like I got hit by a Mack truck. But emotional labor is exhausting and it takes strength and love and courage, like I said, that most people don't see. So how do you offer healthy? So how do you offer healthy, grounded, emotional support? That's what I want to talk about next.
Speaker 1:So, now that we know emotional support is more than cheerleading, like I said, how do you actually give it in a way that's compassionate, realistic and sustainable for your loved one and you? You know your loved one, you know what they need. But when you follow some of these how-tos that I'm going to give you, I think this is going to give you some suggestions. Now. Your loved one could be in the hospital, they could be home, they could be sitting and getting treatment, they could be in an easy season or in a rough season. You still provide that support. So let's walk through some powerful ways you can support your loved one emotionally without sacrificing your own energy and well-being.
Speaker 1:First of all, the first one I have is validate, don't rescue. And what I mean by this is, as caregivers, our instinct is to fix things right. We want to make it better, we want to find solutions and cheer them on or cheer them on, but sometimes the best gift we can give is simply validating what they're feeling, really what they're feeling. I know this is really hard right now. You might say I'm here with you. You know we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but let's just embrace today. It's okay. And you can say it's okay to feel frustrated. You're not alone. I love you. You know when they're in pain you want to take their pain away and you might take advocate measures to talk to people about it and ask questions about it. But you might have to say I can't take this pain away emotionally, physically, whatever, but I can sit with you in it. Whatever, but I can sit with you in it. It's not about having the answers, what I want to say to you. It's about making space for the emotions.
Speaker 1:Another one is to create micro moments of motivation. We kind of talked about this one a little bit already. But motivation doesn't have to be big and loud. You don't have to be going in there and being this cheerleader and this happy Kathy or whatever. Sometimes it can be a card, sometimes it can be a call, sometimes it can be sharing, a game of checkers. Like I said, these little sparks add up. It can be like for me I bring Dennis over a little snack or he likes bubblers, so I bring him over a bubbler. So when he was feeling well, he couldn't wait for me to bring over a bubbler. Wait for me to bring over a bubbler, you know. So it could be just having that snack.
Speaker 1:In our case, I asked my Facebook community, or the Facebook community that we created for Dennis. I asked them to send cards while he's in the hospital. I actually put the address out there right away and the outpouring of love has made a difference in his spirit. I also encourage our family and friends to text and to call him when he's feeling down. I might personally text somebody to say hey, I need your help. Can you go ahead, like for my boys, send them pictures of the grandkids or the fur babies? So that would be a good one. Sorry, I had to just grab a little bit of water here.
Speaker 1:Dennis didn't like to play games. He hates to play games. But on Thursday I brought him over a box of checkers and I'm like we're going to play one. And on Thursday I brought him over a box of checkers and I'm like we're going to play one, and he laughed because I kicked his butt in checkers. But that little bit of boost, I think just brought him a little bit of joy. Another one that I want to share with you is the nurses all know on that floor that Dennis is a huge Survivor fan, just a huge Survivor fan, and every time he'd walk the hall they would talk Survivor with him. And he's not feeling good the last couple days. So they put a Survivor and if you don't know Survivor, it was the game that they played last week on Survivor, where they had to put up some blocks and make a word up there and somebody misspelled some of the wording and they made this Survivor puzzle outside of his door and they asked him to come out and look at it. And he looked at it and he was laughing and smiling. And they say they have some more things up his sleeve, or up their sleeve to go ahead and do. Another one.
Speaker 1:Number three is check in with your emotional tank. You can't pour from an empty cup and you shouldn't try Each morning. Like I said. What I want to get out of here first of all is how are you going to fill your cup? Because each morning I walk two laps around the block here before heading to the hospital. It's not just about the exercise, it's more about my mindset, resetting my mindset, and so whatever I listen to has to go ahead and get me in the right mindset. It prepares me when I walk to Dennis's room and I find clarity and calmness when I walk in. Maybe for you it might be journaling.
Speaker 1:I saw some ladies sitting in the dining room area this morning. I knew either they have somebody in their room that they're caregiving for or they're off to the hospital, but they were eating their breakfast. One person was reading their book, one person was doing like a crossword puzzle. One person was calling a friend, one person was calling a friend. So, whatever it would be, maybe you go ahead and meditate and pray, think of yourself, do this, think of yourself like you're a performer on a tour. And when you think about musicians that go on tour, they go on tour and their tours are three months, four months, sometimes even a year, and they travel from place to place and they do the same routine or act or whatever they do, and they have to go ahead and be as dynamic and energetic and on as they need to be each and every time, even when they're not feeling their best or they're exhausted, or they're going to perform the same song for the 50th time in the last month, whatever it would be. You've got to refuel so you can show up and shine again. And so they all. If you ever follow musicians, they all have routines. They get their sleep, they go ahead and watch their nutrition. A lot of them have workout routines, a lot of them have family members or they do something so that they can go ahead and recharge.
Speaker 1:Number four is use gentle encouragement, not pressure. Not every day is a rah-rah kind of day. Sometimes your loved one just needs a soft nudge and you don't want to let them know that you're doing it as much as you want to kind of just think about. Maybe you want to just change it up a little bit. Let's walk to the window today together. Maybe you have the ability, want to go sit outside for a few minutes and we'll make sure that you're out of the sun and there's no wind and we'll bring a blanket and let's just sit outside for a little bit. You know, let's hang up for, like Dennis, let's hang up family photos to brighten the room. Or our little Kurt, our little grandson. I asked him to gather some of his artwork and we hung those up on his windows in his room. These little nudges honor where they are and help them keep moving forward. And so we might have to pull out some creative things and I want you to think about what are your little nudges, so that your loved one has just a little bit of different scenery, a little bit of a different maybe getting them active a little bit, maybe a little bit different. Maybe you make them something special to eat so that brings their mood up, or maybe you turn off the TV and say let's listen to a little bit of music, whatever it would be.
Speaker 1:Number five is establish simple routines for both of you. When things feel chaotic, like I said last week I talked about, routines can be an anchor. Right now, my routine includes a quiet hour for myself in the morning, a quiet hour for myself in the morning, followed by time with Dennis watching a few shows. I can't tell you how many movies we've watched. We watched the Mule with Clint Eastwood the other day I saw it already, but it was just something we both could talk about. We walked the hospital halls and being present for doctor visits, being able to hear things that, when your loved one's not feeling well, you can hear and you can ask those questions.
Speaker 1:But in the evening now too, I focus on rest and recharging. And what is that? What is that for me? I've still been playing with this. I don't know what this looks like yet for me, because I have a hard time unwinding. When I was at home, it would be gardening or it, you know, it would be sitting out on my patio. So I have to figure that out yet for me, and I'm working on trying different things. But routines don't have to be rigid. They don't have to be. I have to do this and I have to do that. Maybe, like mornings is my time to prep and it's quiet time for me and I'm filling my cup, and then at the end of the day, maybe it's recharging or maybe it's talking that's your time to talk with a friend, or whatever. I find my evenings right now with him being in the hospital, emotional and I'm like I could cry at the drop of a pin, and so I have to find things that I can go ahead and release those emotions in a healthy way before I go to bed. So, okay, number six and this is the final one of the how-tos is keep the connection going, even from afar.
Speaker 1:Each night, dennis and I can act over FaceTime because the hospital visiting hours at 7.30, there's like the announcements like here at school visiting hours are going to be. There's like the announcements like here at school visiting hours are going to be over in less than 30 minutes. Please pack up your things and say goodbye to your loved ones. They need to have a good night's sleep. Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. They announced that.
Speaker 1:So I connect with Dennis after that and sometimes it's lighthearted, like talking about the kids or laughing about something from earlier in the day when he was feeling better. Oh, my gosh, I shouldn't be so sassy, but I'm going to be a little sassy. He would complain about the food service and the food at the hospital. He would always have a story, but then I would laugh and like, yeah, when you're out of here, you should write a book about the food at the hospital, you know, and so being able to go ahead and do that. But I could catch him up too on what things were happening at home. Or did you see the picture that so-and-so sent you? Other times it's deeper, like discussing his symptoms and how he's feeling emotionally about it. And I said to him the other day. It's okay if you cry. It's okay if you just want to just be so frustrated, but just remember there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel soon. We're going to get through this. You know that kind of thing thing.
Speaker 1:Last night I reminded him of his goal discharge day. The week of his birthday is discharge day, and I said it's almost here. I said keep your eye on the goal. Your comfort, comfy chair at kathy's house is waiting for you at Kathy's house is waiting for you. One day down means one day closer. I said he likes having something to aim for and that's kind of what he likes. I've learned how powerful that kind of encouragement for him is.
Speaker 1:Now, if that was my mom, that wouldn't be a motivator for her. My mom, that wouldn't be a motivator for her. That wouldn't be. And so I'd have to think of different ways to motivate her, because my mom, she always looks at the glass half empty. And so I would have to find a way to say okay, what are we going to do tomorrow when I come up there? What do you want me to bring? What do you want to do when I come up there? I'd have to motivate her on looking forward to tomorrow, but motivation can be as simple as reminding them that there's a future to look forward to. So just remember that it could be saying okay, your show is going to be on in 10 minutes and you watch the show and I'm going to call you afterwards and we're going to talk about it. You know that kind of thing. So the final thought of this piece of this part one episode is healthy.
Speaker 1:Emotional support means showing up. It means gently nudging them forward on occasions. It means protecting your own energy so that you can keep going on. It doesn't mean that you have to be this perky little cheerleader walking in every day. It's not about doing it all. It's about doing what you can with love, intention and presence, and sometimes it's just being there, sometimes it's just showing up. So let's pause here because I want to give you space to reflect on everything we've covered today before I get into the second part.
Speaker 1:Caregiving isn't just about medications and appointments and logistics. It's about deeply emotional work. You're holding space for someone you love. You're showing up in ways that you don't get praised for or noticed for. I've had a pity party by saying nobody ever understands what I'm going through here. I mean, I get those pity parties, but you're offering steady support when they feel unsteady, when your loved one feels unsteady, and doing it while managing your own stress, your own fears and your own exhaustion. That takes so much strength and I want you to recognize that In next week's episode, which is the part two piece, we'll talk about the really hard moments, because it's not all peaches and cream.
Speaker 1:When your loved one doesn't want to be motivated, what do you do? When you feel like your emotional support just isn't working, what do you do and how do you protect your heart and your energy with healthy, loving boundaries? So for now, I want to leave you with a reflection question and I'm going to encourage you to take the time to journal this out and, if you want, to send me a text on this, but what's one way you can offer emotional support to your loved one this week? I want you to think about it. One way you can offer emotional support to your loved one this week without draining your own energy tank. What's one way you can do it? I want you to take some time and journal this or text me and share, and I can share that as the opening to next week.
Speaker 1:So my last words today, my friend, is you're not alone in this. You may feel it sometimes, but just remember, you're not alone in this. You are doing sacred work, you are doing hard work and I'm here experiencing it beside you, and that's what we have in common. So take care, my friend, and remember, fill your cup first and don't forget to text me. I would love to hear from you. So until next time, my friend. Bye for now.