The Support System Blueprint: Building Your Caregiver Team

Caregiving is not meant to be a solo mission.

In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re talking about something many caregivers struggle with — building a support system.

Whether you’re caring for a spouse, parent, or loved one, the pressure to “do it all” can feel overwhelming. But strength isn’t handling everything alone. Strength is building a team.

In Season 2, Episode 8 — The Support System Blueprint, we explore:

✔️ Why caregivers struggle to ask for help
 ✔️ How to identify the gaps in your current support
 ✔️ The difference between emotional, practical, and professional support
 ✔️ How to create “micro-teams” instead of looking for one superhero
 ✔️ Delegation and outsourcing ideas that protect your energy
 ✔️ Why automating and simplifying your life counts as support
 ✔️ How asking for help protects your rhythm, boundaries, and emotional space

Cathy shares her personal story of preparing for Denis’ stem cell transplant — building both a “home blueprint” and a “Milwaukee blueprint” — and how allowing others to step in made the journey steadier, not weaker.

You’ll walk away with reflection questions and one small action step to begin building your own caregiver support system — even if asking feels uncomfortable.

Because you were never meant to carry caregiving alone.

🎧 If this episode resonates, share it with another caregiver who may need encouragement today.

Transcript

From Self-Reliance To Support

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hello, my friend, and welcome. It's Kathy here. Welcome to season two, episode eight of the Caregiver Cup podcast. Before we get started, I just wanted to say, How are you doing? Ask you, how are you doing? Because today we're going to really get into some reflection, honestly, about ourself. So if you're struggling today, I want to tell you you are right where you should be. I want to tell you that this episode may help you when it comes to support. If you are in a good spot, I want to first of all say yay, but also say there's going to be some bits and pieces regarding support that you're going to go ahead and gather as well. So without further ado, in this episode, we're talking all about something that stretched me. And honestly, it stretches me more times than none. And that is support. Because if I'm really being honest with you, I used to think being strong meant handling it myself. I'm wired, and I think I've said this in the past before. I'm very independent. I'm very stubborn. I'm the oldest of three children. My personality trait and my feistiness and my mentality is I'll figure it out. And that's always been my mentality. And it can be a good trait, but it also in caregiving can really be a struggle. And somewhere along the way, I started believing that if I could just organize things better or plan it better or think through it harder, I could carry it all. And I laugh because I never even, there's parts of my early caregiving journey that I never even thought about asking for help or finding support. Now I know many of you have real life situations that make it feel like you have to do it alone. You might be, you might, you might be the oldest in your family or the only child in your family, and there are no no other siblings. Maybe your spouse doesn't have family. Maybe siblings live too far away. Maybe you're the one everyone has always depended on. Maybe there's dynamics in your family that you can't get beyond. Um, and then there are stories we tell ourselves as well. And these stories, I'm just gonna throw out a few. I don't want to burden anyone. That's a story, or no one can do it like I can, or I should be able to manage this. Or all of the people that I want to support, they're just busy or they live too far away. It's my responsibility, might be another story. But let's ask, let me ask you something. Would you want a surgeon operating completely alone? Let's say you're going in for surgery, and that surgeon says, I can do it all by myself. No nurses, no anesthesiologist, no systems in place, no sterile tech handing them the tools, no team at all. Right? We would say, no, they need a team. Even the most skilled surgeons, and the best of the best surgeons depend on layers of support. Or even think about a musician. This is a this is one that a musician can get on stage with one microphone and do it all and sing and play their instrument and really be impressive. But when they have a sound engineer, a lighting or a band or a stage crew, they don't look weaker, they look more powerful. They free, they're free to focus on what they do best, and that's play their music and connect with their audience out there. So in caregiving, let's think about that. Caregiving is no different, it is complex, it is emotional, it is physical, it is logistical, it is relentless. And it was never meant to be a solo mission. Strength isn't doing it alone, strength is building a team. And before you turn this podcast episode off, I'm gonna tell you things that are um that are tangible team people and things, but I'm also going to tell you efficiencies and all the other pieces as well. So don't turn it off saying, well, my life is different and I can't I can't build a team. I don't want you to turn it off today, because today we're going to talk about what that team can actually look like, even if asking for help doesn't come naturally to you. So, okay, friend, let's define this clearly. Because when I say support system, some of you might immediately think, I don't have that. You might picture a big family or 10 available helpers or a perfectly coordinated group text or people lining up to take shifts. That's not what I mean, and that's probably not the realistic caregiving experience. A support system isn't 10 helpers, it isn't a big extended family, it isn't this polished perfect plan. People who always know what to do aren't always going to be there. Support can be much simpler than that. It might be one consistent friend, it might be a sibling who handles one task, it might be a neighbor who checks on the house, it might be your therapist listening to you, it might be a dog sitter or a hospital social worker or simply a text thread that says thinking of you. And sometimes support isn't even a person, like I said, it's a system. And I really want you to stretch your thinking here and really think about it because maybe because many caregivers say I'm the only one. And a lot of you are the only one. They don't have anyone else. You may not have anyone else. Or I can't afford it. I can't afford to hire help. Oh my gosh, I would give anything to have hired more help, but I couldn't afford it myself during my eight-year journey with my with both of my parents in hospice with both with Dennis going through two stem cell transplants. I couldn't afford to hire tons of help. So I had to rely on people and systems and things and all the the all the pieces. And while these situations are real and I honor that support is broader than we think, let's break it down into three categories. And this really helped me. The first one being emotional support. This is the heart of support. For me, this is it. Do you have or can you think of someone who listens, someone who checks in, someone who lets you cry, someone who reminds you who you are outside of caregiving. It doesn't have to be daily. I think about during my during my stem cell transplant journeys, the the first one and the second one. The first one I had my mom was still alive and I used her a lot because she was in this healthy, healthy uh tunnel between her illnesses and and and I had so I use her as a support system, but I also used my girlfriend. During the second one, I never thought my support system would be my son, my oldest son. He was that steady, he was that one that listed listened. Now, so it's emotional support, and then the second one is practical support. This is hands-on help, and I don't want you to think of it as just a cost involved because some services are free, some services your family and friends or people may help with. Think about meals. Uh, it could be people bringing in meals, it could be, for example, when I was at the housing house, Kathy's house, they had volunteers that served meals. It could be rides for you, for your loved one. It could be pet care, which that was a big one for me, having the pet care while I was away from home. It could be errands, people, family, friends, whatever. Um, it and we'll talk about automated, you know, having services do your errands. It could be somebody helping you with your house. Maybe you have the budget to hire somebody to clean your house, or it could be somebody that you that wants to come in and help you with some of the house help, inside, outside, whatever it would be. It could be scheduled support. Maybe your your insurance or Medicare covers some of the CNA work or the bathing or whatever. It's somebody sitting with your loved one while you step out. Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how many times the grandchildren help with my mom. So practical support. It gives your body a break, so that it is. And the other one is professional support. And this one is often overlooked. And I it took me years to go ahead and ask for it. It took me years. What in Dennis's last stem cell transplant this last year? There, you think about it, professional support could be the basic medical team, the doctors, the nurses, the um physicians' assistants. It could be social workers asking for social workers or asking for services. It could be counselors, it could be therapists, it could be case managers at the hospital. Don't forget the case managers from the insurance company, anybody that's looking for that you can reach out to. It could be the hospital housing staff. There, there were so many supports while my mom was in the hospital, while dentist, my husband was in the hospital. You have the volunteers that come in and pray with you, or um you have different people coming in, physical therapist or whatever you need. Keep asking, keep saying, what services do you provide? Because they're there to help. This is just a short list. I'm sure I'm missing things, but these people are part of your team. And you are not meant to carry the medical, the emotional, and the logistical weight alone. Tap into these. Now the other one is systems and efficiencies. I call these the invisible team. The invisible ones that you don't see, but that's gonna could potentially make your life easier. Could you pick up groceries or have them delivered? Is it the pharmacy auto refill so you don't have to remember at the last day that, oh my gosh, we need a refill and I didn't look ahead of time? Is it mail order prescriptions? Is it auto pay for your budget and your bills or your loved ones' budget and their bills? So you don't run late on paying a bill. Is it calendar reminders? Do you have a do you have either a Google calendar on your phone or do you have uh a phone calendar? Like I have an iPhone, so I have the iPhone calendar. Well, you can set those, you can put the dates in of your appointments and you can send reminders. Do you want a one-day reminder? Do you want a one-hour reminder? It's just wonderful to have those. Can you share digital calendars with your team? For example, with my brother, he would share appointment times and I would say, Well, I'm working during this time. John, can you go ahead and take mom to her hair appointment? Is it medication dispensers? You know, the pill boxes, or maybe you have the pill uh pop-outs or the pill packs now, and the pharmacist goes ahead and you don't have to remember morning, noon, and night, and you don't have to do that with my mom. I had the pill packets for her. And so she would grab her morning packet on such and such a date, and then she would not have to forget it. So is it online scheduling portals or your patient portals for your loved ones so that if you have a question, you can send a question to them ahead of time so you don't forget it when you take them into the doctor, or you can see when their appointments are, so you don't have to go ahead and forget about them. All of these things save you time. It it saves you from remembering everything. If it if it reduces one decision, it's wonderful. I know there's some people that will put a they bought a big dry erase calendar board, and they're the family shares the help with the with the parent, and they have a calendar on the refrigerator. And so with the dry erase markers, all the appointments are there. They would sign up for when they could help, and so it was all visible. And for my mom, she loved that because she would know who was coming over, who was taking her to get groceries, who was taking her to the chiropractor, whatever it would be. So efficiency. Sometimes the team isn't a person, it's a system that holds something for you, and that matters because caregiving isn't just physically demanding, it's mentally relentless, or it's mentally relentless. It it helps you when you can't do it all. Every small thing you automate, delegate, or simplify is a system, is something you no longer have to carry. So, and you know, maybe there's a a neighbor that comes in and my mom for my mom, a neighbor that would come in and she has to carry down her her garbage down to the lower level. And when my mom had lung cancer, she would knock on my mom's door and saying, Jan, I'm carrying my garbage and my recycling down. Do you have any? I have my basket here ready. It was so nice, it was just these little things that helped. And so support doesn't have to be perfect, but it has it, it can be so powerful. You don't need a huge village, you just need layers. Every one person, one professional, one system. That's a team. And when I finally allowed myself to build this team, and then when I looked at it, it was amazing. Especially during Dennis's stem cell transplant, everything shifted for me. And really, my hands were tied behind my back because I couldn't take care of home when I was 200, 150 miles away. I couldn't take care of home and being with Dennis. I had to give up some of those things and trust in people and ask for help. And so let me just share a story with you. I love thinking about this as a blueprint, a blueprint before the storm, or a blueprint during this. It reminds me of building a house. You don't just start hammering away, you have a plan. Let's say you, if you've built a house before, or let's say we're going to build a half house, you have to have a plan. You have to know what you're trying to build. It may change. You might go in and saying, I want three bedrooms, I want a breakfast nook, I want a laundry room, but you may have to move walls and you may have to shift rooms, but you don't start with just putting everything together. You don't start without a vision. You have to have a vision, and that's called a blueprint. Last year at this time, it was he went, Dennis started his, um, he was through his his can, he was doing his chemotherapy and trying to prep for the transplant, his body and everything before it. So last year I was getting ready for Dennis's stem cell transplant. We were going to be away for three months from home. Half of me was filled with hope because I knew that he could get better, but half of me was filled with doubt and anxiety about his health. And then there was the other half of me. Maybe that's a third of me. I don't know. A third of me. I was just the I was so nervous with the heaviness of the logistics and being away. And you know, me being this control freak, I'm like, I can't control everything that's going to go on. I kept thinking about the home front. Who's going to take care of the house? Who's going to take care of my two dogs, Lucy and Eddie? Who's going to mow the lawn? Who's going to, for me, while I was driving and being alone, because Dennis would be impatient for at least a month? Who was going to check the car? Uh, Dennis used to do all the gas and the oil and all that kind of stuff. And then who would handle the repairs? Anything that broke down? Car to the house. And as a matter of fact, some things did break down. Uh, who was gonna be the support for my well-being? And and then who was going to be the advocate? I had to be the advocate while I was there. So all these things were going through my mind, and I was just exhausted. I was feeling overwhelmed. And instead of spiraling, I realized something. I needed a blueprint. And yes, I was the anal one that created a booklet, a little packet for at home. So I wasn't looking, it wasn't going to be random help. It wasn't gonna be vague offers. I needed a plan. So I mapped out a support calendar for my home. And then in addition to the support calendar, I shared what actually needed to be done. And so it wasn't, can you come in and check on the dogs? No, what would you have to do? And so I did that. Then I created a private group and I found that Facebook worked best for me so I could communicate with this centralized group, this this group of people that was going to help us with support while we were away. And I was so humbled beyond words, watching people show up, volunteering to care for the dogs, volunteering to stay overnight at the house, offering to mow the lawn. There were people that couldn't do that, but they started prayer chains. There were people that wanted to send cards and gifts to Dennis. There were people that would just check in on me. This group just grew and grew, and it was just remarkable. It was still a group of 10, maybe. There wasn't a big group, but this group of people truly were committed to us. And I was just so humbled. I also then took my immediate family, which were my three sons and my and their significant others or spouses, and I created just an inner circle that I had a text chain with that would if I had to share more personal updates on dentists or there was something urgent or emergency, that would be the group that I would connect with the most that I needed help. As a matter of fact, my sons, if I needed to um needed somebody at appointments or I couldn't make an appointment, they were my backup, um, they were my inner circle. They were the ones that could come and visit their dad because the hot when he was inpatient at the hospital, there could only be uh, I think three to four people in the room at one time, and and we had to worry about infection. And so we just kept it to our our immediate family. And I had another chain, um, family and friends in that private group that I talked to and gave updates to, but then I also had a connection chain with with my sister, with my uh best friend Julie, that and my son Mark, that when things were gloom or I was just emotionally taxed, I could talk to them, I could cry to them, I could vent with them. So that was my blueprint. And it's funny, I had a home blueprint, and then I had a Milwaukee blueprint, which were where Dennis was staying and he was getting his care. And the the teams were different because my home blueprint were people helping with the home front, but my Milwaukee team was Dennis's doctors, his physician's assistants, his nurses, the physical therapist. We had Dennis and I had a psychologist that we could turn to. We had a social worker that helped us with grants and um support agencies and that sort of thing. And then we had the home hospital that we were staying at, the hospital uh hotel, which was Kathy's house. There was a staff there, there were volunteers there, there were other caregivers there that were walking the same road. And so that became my my family there and my support system there. I wasn't alone in Milwaukee either, because I had those people. Now, let me be honest, this wasn't comfortable for me. I'm independent, I'm wired to figure it out. Lowering my pride and letting people in stretched me. But here's what surprised me. People wanted to help. And they were more willing to help when I told them what specifically I needed help with. They felt honored to be included. I would the blueprint changed constantly. So I would say, you know, I would give a week update and saying, okay, I have one day that I don't have coverage for the dogs. Can you all look at your calendars and see who could figure it out? And then there was one day that, you know, the the air conditioning went out. And so there were people that would come and help. People wanted to help, they felt honored to help. Delegation gave others purpose when Dennis was away. And here's another important piece: the blueprint had to stay flexible. Support shifts daily, you know, with when I was in Milwaukee, support changed. When I when the home front changed daily as well. Some days when people ask, what do you need? I said a meal. And then it was it was amazing. Sometimes Kathy's house had volunteers there. Sometimes people would just order DoorDash for me in Milwaukee, and all of a sudden they say, It's coming in five minutes. Go pick it up, Kathy. Some days I needed someone to talk to about something completely unrelated to cancer. Give me, tell me what's happening in the world. Tell me what's happening in your world, you know, so I would get it there. Some days I needed pictures of my dogs, and the people taking care of my dogs would take pictures and video so I could see them. And then there was day, there was that day when the air conditioning went out, and being 200 miles away and trying to troubleshoot from your hospital room was so frustrating. And my team jumped in. They met the repairmen, they checked the house, they checked the house, they they handled it. They sat there when the repairmen came. It was wonderful because the blueprint was already built. And that's the lesson. You can plan your blueprint in your season right now, but it must be must stay flexible. It will change, it will adjust. People may step in and out. Some people, for example, some people had other other things going on. And what I found in my my group is people would switch and work with each other. And sometimes I didn't even know they were doing that. And they would go ahead and do that. My daughter-in-law Crystal came and cleaned the house, and it was just nice. But when you build it intentionally before and during the storm, it doesn't matter. It works, it doesn't make you weaker, it makes the journey steadier. So here's my gentle reminder for you about the framework. Building a team doesn't have happen by accident. It happens with intention. And if this feels uncomfortable to you, I want to say that that out loud. You are not alone. If you struggle with asking for help, just start small. You don't need to build the whole blueprint overnight. Just begin with identifying the gaps as your first step. Before you ask anyone for anything, just pause and say, let me think about what I'm aware of first. Where am I overwhelmed? Ask yourself. What drains me each week? What do I dread when I look at the calendar? What keeps falling through the cracks? I give one perfect example: is my mom every week had to get her hair done. That was like her thing. And when she couldn't drive anymore, I would try to get away from work. And I'm like, I can't keep taking Friday mornings off. I have to get my work done. And then my brother John would fill in. But then we, I asked the hairdresser, is there anybody that gets their hair done next to my mom that lives close to my mom that potentially they could connect with? And what we found is somebody in the same apartment complex as my mom got her hair done with a same at the same time with a different hairdresser. So they became friends and rode together. So you just have to kind of look at that. So if you're aware of it, then sometimes we think we need more help, but we don't specifically need more help. Is it rides? Is it emotional backups for us? Is it meals? Is it helping with paperwork? Is it the mental load of remembering everything? Clarity makes support possible. And you can't build a team around vague exhaustion. You build it around specific gaps. And so step number two of building a blueprint is getting specific. This is where many caregivers stop because they're like, oh, getting specific and all the details. I don't have time for this. Let me, you know, when people say, let me know if you can where I can help, or someone says, call me if you need anything. Make sure that you have their phone number saying, here's my phone, here's my contacts. Put your name and your phone number and your your name and your number here so I can take you up on that when I think about where the gaps are. Because we met at the grocery store. Maybe I can have you swing into the grocery store once in a while, and while you're grocery shopping, pick me up something. Because any, because nothing will change if you don't get to the specifics, because anything is overwhelming. Instead of can you help? Maybe you try, can you take mom to Tuesday's appointment for the next two weeks? If you have a group text or if you have a group appointment group page where you're updating people on what's going on, or better yet, what I thought about is I'm not going to broadcast my dentist stem cell transplant to the world on my on my Facebook page. I wanted to do it to a private group that I know are the nucleus that support people. And so what I did then is said this this group is to give you updates, to send prayers, to connect with Dennis and I. And if we need help, we're going to post the help out there. Well, as soon as I did that, people are like, I'm in, I'm available to help X, Y, and D Z. And maybe there's like people that love dogs. Can you walk the dog on Thursday while I'm at chemo? Or while my loved one is at chemo? Can you check in person on hard days with me? Yeah. If they know you're gonna have a hard week, get specific about your request, your requests that reduces confusion. Get specific about how things can things that can make it easier for you. And if you and if they're offering to help, say yes. Get specific about what you need help with. And here's something beautiful I've learned. When you give someone a role, you give them a purpose. We uh we had a friend, Pam, who doesn't live anywhere near us. She lives in the far western part of our state. So she couldn't help at home, she couldn't help at in Milwaukee. But you know what she did? Is she provided the most valuable support by posting a daily prayer or a daily quote in our Facebook page. She prayed for everybody helping. She encouraged people, she sent letters and cards to dentists. It was just wonderful. So some people can't initially physically help, but they can emotionally help. Number three of building your plan is you you need to lower your lower the pride barrier. Let's talk about the real obstacle. It's not logistics, it's pride, it's independence. It's a story that we tell ourselves. I should be able to handle this. Or it's the fear, I don't want to burden everyone. It's the perfection. No one will do it the way I do it. I've lived through all of this, but here's the reframe that changed me. Allowing help is an act of leadership. And as caregivers, you are leading the reins for your loved one. Leadership doesn't mean doing everything, it means knowing when to delegate, it means preserving your energy for what matters most. And really for you, it's probably the caregiving specifically, advocating and the things that you handle. Not all of it though. What are the main things that you have to do? And really getting specific for me, I had to be at the hospital advocating for Dennis. I had to be updated on what was going on. I had to partner with the team that he had. One ask, one task, one conversation at a time. That's it. And it really requires you to create micro teams. You do not need one superhero, you need small circles. Think in micro teams. I really saw the impact of having neighbors. Neighbors that could punch in my code and go put water in my dog's dish and put food in the dog's, um, or water in the dog dish and food in the dog dish and let them run outside for a while. Some I needed the neighbors to go ahead and gather in my house and listen for um what they heard in the air conditioning, you know, that sort of thing. Neighbors that would just automatically come and break the lawn or cut the lawn. So think of your micro teams. One would be your medical team. We talked about this: nurses, doctors, PAs, therapists, whatever it would be. A text encouragement team for yourself. Do you have one or two people that you call your encouragement team thinking of you? Tell them I need somebody to not solve my problems, but just listen to me. Um, do you have a meal team? You're gonna be away sometimes where you're not gonna be able to cook, or it's gonna be wearing you down. Maybe your meal team, there's a lot of people that love to cook. Maybe it's neighbors, friends, churches, or maybe your meal team is the grocery store catering service. Maybe your meal team is DoorDash, whatever it would be. If you have pets, maybe there's a team that loves to dog walk, sitters, kids. What's your a spiritual support team? Do you have a church group? Do you have prayer circles? Do you have quiet encouragement? Maybe your prayer team or your support, spiritual support team is the daily layman that comes into the hospital, into your hospital room, and gives your loved one communion or a prayer. Maybe it's an efficiency team. And this efficiency team could be a person that does your grocery pickups or grocery shopping, or maybe it's auto pay. Maybe you work on making your bills easier, maybe it's a pharmacy autofill, or maybe you hit the button and have the pharmacy delivered. Maybe it's shared calendars, maybe it's somebody to help you with the efficiencies. Systems are support our support, remember as well. Anything that reduces your mental load is support. And here's what's important: support shifts daily. Some days you need emotional backup, some days you need someone to mow the lawn, some days you need someone to answer your phone. That's okay. The blueprint is meant to adjust. So here's my gentle nudge for you. If you're listening and thinking, I don't have anyone, I want to love lovingly challenge that. Maybe you don't have a big team, and that's okay. But could you build one small circle? Or could you start with one step today? Instead of parking that car after you drop your loved one off, knowing that you have an exhausting day and it's raining cats and dogs outside. Could you drive up and have the valet person do it for you? That's part of your team. Could you automate one task? Could you ask one person? Could you research one community resource? Maybe it's a driver. Maybe it's maybe it's meals on wheels. Could you reach out to one friend? Start there. You don't build a house in one day, you lay one brick at a time, and one brick by brick, you create something strong enough to hold you. And maybe you think about it. When you're not in a caregiving situation, are you going to be somebody else's support system? I bet you will. So we just talked about building micro teams. And sometimes those teams are people. Sometimes sometimes those teams are a system, sometimes they're automation. Sometimes your team is technology. Sometimes you your team is is paying for peace. And I want to normalize that because delegation doesn't only mean asking your sister or your friend or your family member. Delegation can mean outsourcing. And outsourcing is not failure, it's stewardship of your energy. As caregivers, we often think I should be able to handle this, like we talked about. But ask yourself, should you handle it all? Or have you always done it? That's the difference. You're growing if you're looking at alternatives. If something can be done by a service or a system or an app, that's not a weakness. That's wisdom. That's buying more quality time for your loved one, or that's giving you better health. Because every small task you remove from your mental load creates space for something more important. And I'm going to hit these practical examples again. I must have been really on a roll writing my notes, but some of these practical examples, if if you haven't heard them yet, you're going to hear them again. Maybe it's a grocery delivery or you order your groceries online and you pick them up. Maybe it's a subscribe and save. I know Amazon does it. There's other companies that do it as well that automatically come up and they go ahead and alert you to say, hey, do you need more laundry soap? Do you need more, you know, uh vitamins, whatever it would be? And you don't have to think about it. They remind you. Is it an automatic cleaning supplies delivery? Is it a lawn service during heavy seasons that you could go ahead and saying, okay, for the next few months, could I have somebody doing the lawn service? Is it snow removal? Now that I'm it's I'm I'm watching um the news while I'm recording this, just the visuals up and they're talking about the big snowstorm in in New York right now. Is it a laundry drop-off during your hospital weeks? Is it meal kits when decision fatigue is high? I can't tell you the number of people that um that had said, could I get you a a cup of coffee today? And I'm thinking to myself, no, they don't need let them, let them they're thinking about you. Is it online bill pay and auto pay? You know, it does your cell phone auto pay, does your mortgage auto paid? So you don't have to remember those things. Is it automatic prescription refills? It could it be dog boarding or temporary pet care when you're away? Like I said, could it be valet service at the hospital or doctor's office? Don't forget about your therapy and counseling or group support for yourself. It may be an extra time, but in the end, it it could reduce a lot of that mental load. Is it a virtual assistant for paperwork if that's accessible and that's available to you? Some of these cost money, some of these don't. But here's the big mindset shift. If it removes one recurring decision from your brain, it's support. If it prevents One thing from slipping through the cracks, it's support. If it gives you back 20 extra minutes of calm, it's support. So I think that's what you want to do. And here's what I want to encourage you as you move through your day, pause and ask yourself: does this need to stay on my plate? Or is there a system that I can shift it to? Sometimes we carry tasks simply because we always have to. I mean, I can't tell you, like, for example, emails. There's so many emails that came through while I was away. And then all of a sudden I looked one day and I had, you know, 150 emails in one day. And I'm like, I am going to sit and watch my movie tonight, and I'm going to unsubscribe to all of these emails that I don't need right now and just get rid of them and just get the basic ones. And sure, it took me a little bit of time, but it was so nice to be able to have a cleaner email box so I didn't have to worry about it. Or better yet, give somebody else your email address and saying, hey, can you go through and just pick off the ones that need to be read and I need to see? But caregiving seasons change too. Your energy changes, your capacity changes. Um, and so your system should change too. Keep looking for ways to simplify, keep looking for ways to automate, keep looking for ways to remove repeat decisions. Because the goal isn't to prove how much you can carry, it's to stay steady. And to be honest, as caregiving gets tougher, and some of you know your loved one's outcome. If you know the outcome's gonna get even heavier, it's time to look at some things right now. Because it's if you don't, you're gonna risk burnout and compassion fatigue. If it saves you emotional energy, it's worth it. So I want to just talk for a brief moment here about why you struggle to ask. Let's be honest, caregivers struggle because we feel guilty, we feel like we should handle it, we don't want to look incapable. Um, we've been the strong one for so long. And like I said, asking for weakness or asking for help is not weakness, it's sustainability. And this ties back to season two, and the season we're in, it's all about rhythm and boundaries and protecting our emotional space. Support protects all three of those. So before we wrap up, I want to show you this, or I want to slow this down for just a minute. You don't have to solve everything today. Just reflect right now. Take it in right now. And if you're journaling or you're driving in your car, think about this question or throw it on a sticky note. And when you have a quiet moment, ask yourself, where do I need the most help right now? No judgment, not in theory, not someday, right now. And another question, what am I holding that someone else could carry? Even one small piece. Another question, who is already in my life that could be part of my team? A friend, a sibling, a neighbor, a professor, a service? Who could that be? What's one small ask I could make this week? Notice what comes up. Be ready for that person to say, hey, if you ever need help, let me know. Open the door there. Say, I just might take you up on that offer. Would you mind giving me your your name, your phone number, and I can put it in my phone right now? And you might say, Yeah, you know, you're we're grocery shopping right now, or we're standing in the pharmacy checkout right now. If I ever need help with picking up a pharmacy, I know you come here, so maybe I can ask you that. They might offer things up. No judgment. No, I should already know this is not something you need to say. Just awareness of these questions. Where do I need the most help right now? When am I holding that someone else could carry? Who is already in my life that could be on my team? Notice that. And then you know what we always end with every one in season two here is choose one. Maybe you send one text. Maybe you make one call. Maybe you research one service. Maybe you automate one bill. Maybe you ask, Do you is there a social worker that I can talk to? Maybe you say yes to one offer. Maybe you delegate one recurring task. That's it. You don't build a support system in a day. You build it in one decision at a time. I remember one time where Dennis had um a knee replacement, and a lot of his guy friends asked, Oh, I wish I could help you with something. And I'm like, you know, you can. Why don't you text Dennis and start a conversation with him? Or why don't you text Dennis and bring over lunch and you guys sit and have lunch together? Just come on over. And they were like, Oh, we would love that. So you can open those lines. Remember, one brick at a time. And each shift protects your rhythm. It helps you build boundaries and creates more emotional spray space. So to close today, I want to say this clearly before we close it up. You were never meant to carry this by yourself, not emotionally, not physically, not mentally. Support does not take away your strength. It multiplies it. You can still be the you can still be the strong caregiver. But think about it, you are the strong caregiver manager too. You don't have to be the only one holding the weight. You don't have to be the only one that looks like a truck hit you. And here's what I've I've learned through all of this. When we let people in, when we give them roles, when we build a blueprint inside inside of instead of white knuckling everything, the journey doesn't get easier. It becomes steadier. And steadier is sustainable. If this episode stirred something in you, I would truly love to hear from you. Especially if you're going to do an ask or you have a team already. Let's talk about this. And I can share this in a future podcast episode. Or tell me one task that you're going to tackle this week, one step you're going to make, one brick you're going to lay. Remember, you might get a no, you might it might not work out. And that's okay. Try another one. Because every time you share any of your steps with us on the text message message here, another caregiver will not feel alone, or better yet, somebody will say, Oh, maybe I should try that. And I want you to remember one thing: caregiving is hard, but doing it together makes it human. And we're doing this together. And you were never meant to do it alone. We're one team here. Maybe we don't know each other, but caregiving is a hard job. And when we go ahead and build a team and we start sharing the this this team and this this I don't know, this rhythm and this whole season, too, and other caregivers hear about this, we're trying to make life easier for them as well. So until we meet again next week, my friend, you have a good rest of the week and bye for now.