Is Your Cup Spilling? How to Recognize the Signs Before Burnout Hits

Have you ever felt like something is just… off?

You’re more tired than usual.
 You’re snapping quicker.
 You’re forgetting things… or just not feeling like yourself.

And you catch yourself thinking…
 “Why do I feel this way?”

My friend… this is what I call the spill.

In this episode, we’re talking about what happens when your cup starts to spill—and how to recognize the signs before it turns into burnout.

Because here’s the truth…
 ☕️ your cup will spill.

Not because you’re doing anything wrong…
 but because you’re human… and you’re carrying a lot.

Inside this episode, we’ll walk through:
 ✨ What “the spill” actually is (and why it matters)
 ✨ The difference between a spill and burnout
 ✨ Real-life signs your body, mind, and emotions are trying to get your attention
 ✨ And how to respond with awareness instead of judgment

You’ll also hear a personal story that changed everything for me—and how I learned to stop ignoring what my cup was trying to tell me.

As you listen, I invite you to gently ask yourself:

💛 Where is my cup right now?
💛 What is my cup telling you today?

Because those moments when things feel like too much…

aren’t something to push away.

They’re something to understand.

Transcript

Welcome And A Personal Story

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hello, my friend. I want to start this episode a little differently today. I want to share a moment with you. First of all, welcome to the Caregiver Cup podcast. It's Kathy here, and we are in season three. Like I said, I want to share a moment with you. I remember my mom looking at me and saying, Are you okay, Kathy? Maybe you're taking on too much. And without even thinking or any hesitation, I said, I'm okay. No, I'm fine. But the truth was, I wasn't. Deep down, I knew something was off. For weeks I could feel it. I was more irritable. I was making little mistakes. My body felt off. My mind felt foggy. But I just kept going. I kept pushing through, telling myself I was fine, cleaning up the spill and ignoring it. And then one night, after a long day with my mom, I sat down on the couch and all of a sudden my heart started racing. I couldn't catch my breath, and the tears just started rolling down my face. My body gave me a panic attack that stopped me in my tracks. You know how those, if you've ever had a panic attack, you know it feels like you're sweating and you're maybe having a heart attack. And I remember in that moment feeling angry, frustrated, trying to fight whatever was happening with this panic attack. But now looking back, it was exactly what I needed at that time. Because my cup had been spilling for a long time, and I just kept ignoring it. And maybe you've had a moment like that too. Maybe it didn't look like a panic attack, but you felt it. That moment where something in you says, this is just too much. I read it in Facebook posts and groups that I follow that they just can't take it anymore. And caregivers, we get that way. You're more tired than usual, you're snapping quicker, you feel off, but you can't quite explain why. And you start to wonder, what is going on with me? Well, my friend, this is what I call the spill. Yes, the spill. Right after that, and I just realized what I call the spill. And here's the thing: it doesn't always show up like a panic attack, like I said. Sometimes it's much quieter than that. It looks like feeling a little more tired than usual, snapping over things that normally wouldn't bother you, forgetting things. Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how many times I would run an error and I would forget something, or I'd walk all the way to my mom's front door of her apartment with all these packages and forget the key. And you can't quite put your finger on it at that time and just know something doesn't feel right. And what most of us do in these moments is exactly what I did. We pushed through. We tell ourselves we're fine, we clean up that spill and we keep going. But those little moments, those are the early spills. And before we go any further, I want to slow this down for a moment and really talk about what the spill is actually. What it is, because it's not always what we think. The spill is not just exhaustion, it's not just being tired. It's when the emotional, mental, and physical weight you've been carrying starts to show up. I call them little sprinkles or little splashes. You're holding that cup and you're it's just splashing and little drops here or there, sometimes quietly and sometimes all at once. When I think back to that moment again, it wasn't just I was tired. Yes, I needed more coffee just to get through the day, but it was more than I was forgetting things too. It was more than my keys and things at the grocery store. I just didn't feel like myself. And deep down, there were emotions just brewing inside of me that I didn't want to look at. And I remember being in the car alone, and I had to constantly distract myself from my own thoughts. And even like things like when the music would play and it was a song that really had a deep story, I had to distract myself from it because I would just emotionally break down. Because the moment I got quiet, things would start to bubble up. The tears would come. Like I said, a song would come, would play, and I'd feel this deep sense of missing the joy or missing my life. Or I'd see people outside walking or at the market, and I'd feel like the there was a wave of frustration or anger over me thinking, how dare them being able to walk and enjoy life. And I would I would have this pity party inside of me, and I didn't fully understand it all at the time. And maybe you felt like that too, not just tired, but off. Like something inside of you is building in. You've tried to keep it contained. Well, my friend, that's the spell. That's when what you're that's that it's when when what you've been carrying and it starts to rise to the surface. And it can rise to the surface in noticeable ways, it can rise to the surface in weird ways too. And it's hard to explain all of it, but you know, not because you're doing anything wrong, but because it's been there for just a while. And that's so important. The spill doesn't mean you failed. And I want to make sure I make this point really clear. It doesn't mean you failed, it means something needs your attention. And the and the more we start to notice these moments, the more we can understand what our cup is actually telling us. And it may be spilling over because you're filling it with all of the things that you have to do instead of some of the gentle things that you need to do to yourself. And again, I want to pause here for a second because this part of this episode is really important. And it's all about clarifying this difference between, you know, what the spill is and what burnout is. And because the spill, it's not always burnout. Sometimes it's just in a moment. It's a hard day, it's a moment of overwhelm. It's snapping quicker than usual because you don't want to have to do something, or it's just one of those things that you just you're just having a bad day. It could be feeling tired or off or a little heavier than normal. So it could be something like that. But it also can look like you're already having a full day, and then something small happens, like your tire goes flat when you're running errands. I'm raising my hand. Just what you need, right? Or the the service engine light goes on, and now you're like, oh my God, there's another thing going on. Or you're trying to make dinner take care of something else, and you burn dinner because you're doing too many things at once. Been there trying to call, you know, call it the doctor's office or the insurance company and taking care of advocating while you're doing dinner and you're not paying attention. Or maybe you notice yourself snapping and later you think, why did I react like that? I just did that today. We had our dishwasher go out, and and it's just been a rolling list of things going wrong in my house lately. And it's like one thing after another. When I got up, and my husband said to me, Well, I called the repair man and it's going to be just they're gonna charge you$139 off the bat just to come to the house. And then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, that's the first thing out of his mouth when I walk and get up in the morning. I'm like, ah, and I snapped. I snap because it's like I didn't want to hear it. There are everyday moments like this, but they don't always feel small when you're in the thick of it. When you have this heavy burden that you're carrying, and you add another thing to it. It's I I've I've done podcast episodes when your backpack is full, and then now all of a sudden you have to carry something else. It's sometimes it's almost impossible to carry something else. That's the spell. It's those moments when everything you're carrying starts to come through. It doesn't mean you're burnt out. It could, but it doesn't mean that. It just means your cup is getting full or fuller and fuller. But here's what when it shifts or where it shifts, when those moments keep happening and you you start to see patterns, when the tire doesn't go away, it's all the time, or the dread of getting up every day, and you just can't, you're having a hard time. When the frustration becomes more frequent, when you feel like you're doing just going through the motions every single day. And we keep doing what most of us do. Again, like I said before, we push through, we ignore it, we tell ourselves we're fine. So let's talk about burnout, though. It can turn out to be burnout. Burnout isn't just one bad day, it's when the spill becomes normal. And you start, like I said, noticing patterns when your energy stays low and your patience feels thin and you don't feel like yourself anymore. It starts to affect your well-being. It starts to affect your emotions and even how you show up in your caregiving or your caregiving life. You start saying things or thinking things, and it's like, this isn't me anymore. Yeah, you it reminds me of like if you go to um any type of customer service job and you can tell when they they're overstaffed or they're struggling with with the stresses of the day, they're not as kind. And it could be they're burning out. So if you take anything from this today, the spill is a signal. Burnout can be what happens when we ignore it. And the goal isn't to fix everything right away. It would be great if we could. It's just to notice it, to say, okay, something's going on here. I'm seeing a pattern, or this is becoming too much. Because the more we understand these moments, the more we can start to respond differently and do things differently. And this is where I want you to really start paying attention here, because the spill doesn't just show up one way. I said it before, I kind of just hinted at it. It shows up in your body, in your mind, in your emotions, and even in how you show up in your life. And this isn't an exhaustive list. You probably, if you you become aware of your signs and what your mind and body and soul is telling you, you'll pay attention because what matters is learning how to listen to your body, how to listen to your mind, and pay attention to your presence. You might notice some things like um you're you're it's not enough to stop everything, and you feel off, but enough that you know something's is going on. So let me give you some physical signs first here once. You might feel exhausted even after resting, even after a good night's sleep. You feel tension in your body, you feel headaches. For me, I I've said this in the past episodes, but I'll say it again. I started feeling this burning in my stomach. And over time, it turned into chronic issues that I've had. Or maybe you notice that you're reaching for more coffee to get through the day or popping a couple of Tylenols more often than normal. My hairdresser even noticed when I was in the thick of um caregiving at the very beginning, when my dad was in hospice and Dennis was still fighting for his first round of cancer and chemotherapy treatments. My hairdresser said to me she could see it in my scalp and in my hair. She said, My scalp was flaking, I was losing hair, and it was thinning. So, you know, there's different ways your body knows something before you even admit it to yourself. And then there's the emotional side. You might feel irritable, you might feel more frustrated, you might be snapping than quicker than normal you normally would, or the opposite. How many times have you felt numb or disconnected? Like you just are going through the emotions, and then there's a layer of guilt because you felt like you didn't care, um, and you feel bad for feeling the way you do. So those are some physical signs, and I want you to think about yourself and what your physical signs are. Now, there are mental signs too. It can be like your brain just won't slow down. You're overthinking everything, you're second-guessing everything, you're forgetting things. That brain fog where you walk in a room and think, why did I come in here? And and then you go around. Now, that's sometimes normal for me, but it happens more often. And I just think about it when you're driving and you have something, you're deep into thought on something, and then you drive by and you're like, I don't even remember driving down that road. I don't remember if I stopped at that stop side. Yeah, if you're feeling those signs, maybe your cup is overflowing or you're burnt out, you know. So think about what are your mental signs: the fog, the the distractions, the you watch something on TV and you're not really even paying attention, that kind of thing. And sometimes it shows up in your life, and you stop wanting to do things that you enjoy. And I call this life and joy signs. You don't feel like socializing, you're not smiling as much, the sense of joy just isn't there in the same moment, and you might not even realize it right away. It just fades away. And yeah, you kind of loses. This one is a powerful one, and I really want you to think about, you know, you, your life signals or your joy signs that are either there or or not there. Maybe you have a favorite hobby that you're not even, you don't even care about, or a show anymore that just doesn't interest you. It could be a sign. And there's so much more I could go into and on and on, but the spill looks different from all of us. Think about your physical, your emotional and mental, your life signs and your signals, and really thinking through those. But what matters most is are you noticing these? Like awareness is so important. Are you listening to what your mind, your body, your soul is telling you? Because these signs, they're not random, they're your cup telling you something. And the more we start to recognize these signs, the more we can begin to respond instead of just pushing them through or wiping up your spell. And once you start to recognize these signs, this is where everything can begin to shift. Because burnout is not weakness, burnout is not failure, burnout is not you doing caregiving wrong. It's more like a warning light on your dashboard. It's not there to shame you, it's there to get your attention and to let you know something needs care. And the reality is you are human and caregiving is hard. You're carrying a lot. Think about physically carrying a lot, emotionally carrying a lot, mentally carrying a lot, and of course, your cup is going to feel full sometimes, and of course your cup is going to spill sometimes. So instead of thinking, what is wrong with me? Why can't I handle this better? What if you started to say it as, okay, something needs my attention right now? And there's the bridge. That's where awareness comes in. And you welcome that awareness and that bridge and that notice and signal so that you can go ahead and start thinking about ways to go ahead and shift. And instead of judging yourselves in these moments, what if you just noticed it right now? Not fix it, not solve everything, not add more to your plate, but just notice it. Say to yourself, okay, I feel off today. Okay, I'm not myself today. I'm more overwhelmed than normal. I feel heavier than it normally does. You notice the spill, and then you gently start asking, What's in what's my cup telling me? What's my cup telling me today? Because when you notice it and you give yourself the opportunity, you can respond differently. You can respond differently, and maybe start looking at a small step or to pause or to breathe or to shift something just a little. And that's where change begins. That's how you start to decrease the stress. Because I know some of you are thinking, I'm just, it is stressful. There's no way I can change the stress. And I've been there so many times last year at this time, getting ready for Dennis's stem cell transplant. There's no way I can stop the stress. I had to find techniques so that I could keep my cup from spilling too much and preventing burnout from building and so and slowly bringing more moments of joy and moments of joy back. Not all at once, but one small moment at a time. So before we wrap up today, I hope you enjoyed the episode because I just want to invite you to really pause for a moment. I want you to take a deep breath and gently ask yourself, where is my cup right now? Is it steady? Is it starting to spill or already overflowing? And really, I don't want you to judge. Just be honest with yourself. Just let yourself sit in the moment. And wherever you are right now, I want you to know you are not alone in this time. There are times when my top cup was completely empty, when my My cup was filling, spilling over so much that I couldn't even control it. And then there were times where it would drip and I could control it. But when I paused and just reflected on it and really just found little tiny moments, it was manageable. But again, notice you're not alone in this. We all go through this. And wherever you are right now, I want you to know again, you are not alone. And you're not alone in this. And this is part of caregiving. Oh my gosh, caregiving is this beautiful ride, and it's also this heavy one. It's nothing I've ever experienced ever in my lifetime until I got to caregiving. I always thought raising kids was chaotic and crazy and heavy, but caregiving is even more. One small thing I've started doing when I feel my cup spilling is I place my hand on my heart, I pause, I take a deep breath, and I say to myself, thank you. Thank you for telling me to slow down. Thank you for telling me letting me know something needs my attention. But instead of fighting it or getting frustrated with myself, I'm starting to understand it. You are human, my friend. Caregiving is hard. And the fact that you're here listening and reflecting means you care deeply about caregiving and hopefully about yourself. And you are doing meaningful, important work. So as you go through your day, just remember, again, I sound like a broken record, but I'm going to keep going. Notice the spill and gently ask yourself, what is my cup telling me? And next time in our next episode, and we're going to keep talking about this spill, we're going to talk about something that comes right along with this, the emotions. When your cup keeps spilling, and that stress and eventually burnout hits, it's the anger, it's the frustration, it's the resentment, and the ones we don't always say out loud because, but feel more often than we admit. So I can't wait till next uh until next week when we talk about those emotional emotions. My mom, I just as a side note, my mom would say, um, when when the word motion came up, she would say, the car is in motion, but she would say, the car is in emotion all the time. And we would laugh all the time because motion and emotion would get get the best of us. And as I thought about it, that's a true gift. Because when the emotions would come to me, I would get into motion and not sit still and accept them and say thank you. So it was just, it's a funny little thing that pops up in my head and makes me smile when I think about my mom. So to end today, I wanted to thank you very much for being here today. It says a lot about yourself when you take this time to listen and look for ways to become a better version of yourself as a caregiver. I hope this episode gave you something you needed. And I want to ask you to support me. There's multiple ways you can support me. First of all, if you you're not following me, hit that follow button on your favorite podcast site and click that follow. Or if you know of a caregiver, share it with them. And maybe they like my voice and may like my content and find it valuable. Because remember, I do this free. I don't, I don't have sponsors. I don't, I do it out of the goodness of my heart for giving back. Remember, there's a text button there too. I love hearing feedback from you or if something resonated with you, or you want to correct me on something in this podcast episode. Definitely click that text button and text me. I don't get your text number. They there's a version that the when the the program that I use just grabs the last four digits of your um or the area code, I think, of your text, so that I kind of know where you're what location you're in, but I don't even get to see a name. So you if you want me to know your name, type that in the text. Otherwise, there are ways too. If you you can you can go ahead and click the support button and uh donate that way. If you want to donate one, two, three dollars. That would be wonderful. And I also have a Venmo account if you want to go ahead and support me that way. Buy me a cup of coffee, support the show. My Venmo is Venmo at Kathy, C A T H Y dash Vandenhoofle. It's V-A-N-D-E-N-H-E-U-V-L-1. And it truly helps me keep this podcast going because there are programs that I have to go ahead and pay for each month to go ahead and keep this podcast going. But until next time, my friend, remember you're looking at yourself and look at your cup. Don't be afraid to look at it. What's your cup look like today? Because when you look at it each and every day, like I said earlier, you can show up then as the best version of yourself as a caregiver. Bye for now.