Rebuilding Your Cup: Healing After Caregiver Burnout, Overwhelm & Emotional Exhaustion

Have you ever felt like caregiving has emptied your cup... or even cracked it?

You're not alone.

In this episode, we're talking about what rebuilding really looks like after burnout, overwhelm, emotional exhaustion, or a difficult caregiving season.

You'll discover:

✨ Why rebuilding isn't about becoming the person you were before caregiving
 ✨ The three ways a caregiver's cup can "break"
 ✨ How to begin rebuilding one small step at a time
 ✨ Why celebrating small wins matters more than you think
 ✨ How to move forward with hope, compassion, and grace

Because healing doesn't happen all at once.

💛 It happens one small choice...
 one small win...
 and one small step at a time.

Transcript

Season Pivot Toward Rebuilding

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hello, my friend, and welcome to another episode of the Caregiver Cup Podcast. It's Kathy here. We are in season three, and we're on the second to last episode of season three, which is episode 10. And I want to start out with today being a little different. We've spent the entire season talking about the spill, burnout, anger, overwhelm, negative self-talk, guilt. And maybe you've been listening and thinking, now what? Because awareness is wonderful, but every eventually we all have to ask ourselves, how do I rebuild? You know, this past week reminded me that rebuilding isn't something you finish, it's something you practice. And if you had my email last week, I shared a little bit about my spouse Dennis being admitted. And I'm going to share a story with you.

Dennis’s ER Visit And Admission

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Um, or share this, the background with you, I mean. He um we went in last Sunday, um, so it would have been Sunday, the 14th of June. He had shortness of breath, and he had it starting on Friday, but it wasn't too bad. But the shortness of breath did get worse. And on Sunday morning, he was spiking a fever. Not not bad, but you all know if if your your loved one has a chronic condition, a low-grade fever fever can be concerning. And his cough brought um it even worse. So shortness of breath, fever, and coughing. And we ended up in the emergency room. Uh, he was then admitted. Luckily, he responded really well to the initial treatments of two antibiotics. Um he had some Tylenol and a nebulizer treatment. And immediately he felt better because Saturday night his oxygen or his pulse ox was in the 80s. When we got to the emergency room, it was between 80, 89, and 90. It kept just doing that, and they put him on oxygen right away. But with his history, they they had to figure out what was really wrong. And so he had a really an excellent team of doctors uh there who scheduled labs, chest rays, chest x-rays. They did a CT scan on Friday when he went to his doctor for treatment and a bronchoscopy eventually in the week. So, like I said, he was middle on Sunday, and by Wednesday, he was ready for his bronchoscopy. Uh, they were going to, they had to go in, and the pulmonologist was consulting with the doctors in at Freydert Hospital who helped with the stem cell transplant, and he ordered specific testing where they had to go in with the the camera, they had to take tissue samples and do all these fluid samples. Uh, we had an infectious disease doctor who asked for more specific. And so they told us on Wednesday the treatment or the the anesthesia bronchostoppy where he would go under would be between 30 and 60 minutes. And I also Googled it and they said it could be anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes. Well, he was in an inpatient room, and I asked the transport and then the uh surgical nurses, where should I go? Where should

Bronchoscopy Miscommunication And Panic

SPEAKER_00 3:50

I go during his surgery? And so the transport said, Come on down. And while he's getting prepped in what I call a holding room, um, it we can ask again. And they told me, just wait down there. Well, that was the first part of the surgery miscommunication, because nobody told the doctor where I was. And the doctor assumed that I was going to wait in his inpatient room. The surgical nurses said, We want you to wait down here. And then their exact words were don't leave, just wait here. And as soon as the procedure's done, the doctor will come and talk to you, and then you can go back to your room. Well, he left at 1:30 in the afternoon, two o'clock rolled around. Well, by then I was in an empty room without a bed in at the holding room, and I was up and doing, you know, doing bending of my knees and squats and kind of pacing like a tiger in a cage. Then came 2:30 and there was nothing. And I'm like, okay, 30 to 60 minutes. Maybe they didn't start on time, so somebody's got to be coming. And at that time, I pulled the door open halfway. They have these sliding doors, nothing. Nurses walked by, they didn't say anything, and then three o'clock rolled around. The whole time I am feeling scared, frustrated, nervous, thinking something was wrong. And what had happened is the nerd the surgical nurses never told the doctor. The doctor went to my room. I also signed up for these text alerts, but being in this surgical floor, my phone said SOS on it, so I was in a dead zone. And so I never got any updates. And so I had no idea where he was. The I was feeling so emotionally exhausted, and I had a hard time holding it together when I went at three o'clock to the surgical team's desk, the nurses where they have the boards and stuff. And I said, Nobody came to tell me what was going on. I'm checking status of my husband, and they asked for all the details, and she's like, Oh, we're showing that he's already up in his room. And I said, Really? And I was so shocked, and I'm like, nobody came to tell me that you know, I told them the whole story, and all I wanted somebody to say is, I'm so sorry. Oh my gosh, this is terrible. And they just said, Nope, go up to his room and he's right up there. And while I was going up in the elevator, my phone then did the bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. All of the updates showed up on my phone, including the doctor, left a voicemail message on my phone saying, Kathy, I came up to your the room number and you weren't there. I I waited a little bit. I couldn't find you. The nurses up there didn't know where you were. Um, I just want to let you know everything went well. I was so emotional, and usually I can hold it together really good, but the emotions came from feeling this from the emotions came from feeling like something was seriously wrong, and I was panicking, then emotionally exhausted from feeling this anxiety and stress, to going to the nurse's station asking about him, to downright flip an anger, to seeing the voicemail and listening to the voicemail, feeling like I did something wrong, to total frustration. So I go marching into the room. The nurse was in there and said, You can't come in until you get all of your gear on in the the gown and the mask, because they went in and he was susceptible to anything for about an hour. And so I had to back off, put my gown on, I shared it with that nurse up there, and there was nothing. And like I said, I was ready to just ball, I was ready to scream. And in this situation, to make a long story short, everything was fine, but I didn't know that at the time. And all I wanted to do was talk to the doctor or the pulmonologist to see if there was any inkling of what this was, because they still haven't figured out what the cause is. Was it uh pneumonia, which they don't they couldn't even come up with that? Was it a fungal or a viral infection that he could see because his his scans were showing opaque hazing? And or did he see something legit? And I couldn't even ask him that. Sometimes our caregiver cup doesn't just spill, sometimes we drop it, sometimes it cracks, sometimes it feels like it's shattered, and sometimes it simply sits empty.

Rebuilding Means Moving Forward

SPEAKER_00 10:14

And maybe that's where you're at today. If so, this episode is going to be for you because we're gonna really talk about your cup breaking, shattering, you know, being empty. You know, so after this hard event, or maybe after your hard season, after burnout, after overwhelm, after your cup had spilled, what does rebuilding actually look like? I think a lot of us imagine rebuilding means getting back to who we used to be, back to the person we were before caregiving, before the diagnosis, before the emergency, before the hospital stays, maybe before life change. But my friend, I don't think that's what rebuilding is. Because caregiving changes us. Sometimes it changes us after just one crisis, like I've experienced. Sometimes it changes after a phone call, after a fall, after hospitalization, after a difficult diagnosis, or you fill in the blank. And sometimes it changes us slowly. One appointment at a time, one sleepless night at a time, one hard conversation at a time, until one day you realize you're not the same person you were five years ago, or one year ago, or ten years ago, whatever it would be. And honestly, I want to say that's okay because rebuilding isn't about going backwards, it's about moving forward with what we've learned and what we've learned. I'm just gonna take a sip of water here once. This past week, or last week, I should say, reminded me that when Dennis was back in the hospital, especially during his bronchoscopy, there was confusion, there was miscommunication. For me, there was fear, there was waiting, there was this flushing of emotions. For a while, it felt like my cup had hit the floor again. Not because I had done something wrong, but because another unexpected crisis had entered our lives. And after something like that, you have a choice. You can pretend it didn't affect you, or you can ask yourself, what did this experience teach me? I have never felt so much panic in my in a long time. And it taught me so much. Maybe it taught you to ask more questions. Maybe it taught you to slow down before reacting. Maybe it reminded you that you need more support. Maybe it showed you that your body is asking for more rest. Because I I was going in, he was in the hospital Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and this was Wednesday. Maybe it reminded you that uncertainty is one of the hardest parts of caregiving. Those those lessons don't erase the pain or the situation or whatever happened there, but they can shape you or shape how you move forward. And to me, that's rebuilding. It's learning from what cracked your cup instead of pretending it never happened. It's caring for yourself instead of your new reality. Not pretending life isn't hard, not pretending you're okay all the time, not wishing things were the way they used to be, but learning how to live well, even while caregiving, learning how to refill your cup a little differently than before, because what worked five years ago may not be what you need today. And that's not failure, that's growth. And I wrote myself a little reminder, and I actually I actually have it as on a sticky note, and I put on there healing isn't returning to who you were, it's becoming who you need to be. Healing isn't returning to who you were, it's becoming who you need to be. And sometimes the strongest cups aren't the ones that have never been dropped, they're the ones that have been rebuilt. Like you're learning with more mis more wisdom or more compassion or more grace than before. Which cup are you carrying today? I want to talk about this next.

Three Cups: Empty Cracked Broken

SPEAKER_00 15:37

As I was thinking about this episode, I kept coming back to the question: what does your cup look like today? Because after everything we talked about this season, I don't think every caregiver is carrying the same cup. Some are empty, some are cracked, and some feel completely broken. There isn't a right answer. There isn't a better cup. This simp this is simply where you are today. So let me walk you through the three cups that I've kind of labeled myself. Maybe you'll hear one of them, or maybe you'll come up with a fourth or a fifth cup, but it'll just start getting you to think. The first one is you're empty. Your cup is empty. It this cup isn't broken, it's just simply empty. You've poured out so much of yourself, there's not much left to give. Maybe you're physically exhausted or emotionally drained, or you're running from appointment to point appointment, trying to keep up with medications, meals, bills, work, caregiving. When I my cup is empty, I can't even advocating is hard for me. They may ask me his medication or a uh a question, who was his doctor here? And I would be on top of it most of the time, but sometimes I draw a blank because my cup is empty. You wake up tired, maybe, you're you go to bed tired, and every day feels like you're pouring from a cup that hasn't been refilled in a very long time, and you're hoping something will drip out of it, and it's empty. I think about caregivers who are in the early months after a diagnosis, and they're they're pouring from an empty cup now, or their cup is getting, it's going down and down, or they're or a caregiver that's in the middle of a hospitalization, or families trying to figure out a new routine now. Sometimes your cup is empty simply because life has asked so much of you lately. An empty cup doesn't mean you're failing, it means you have been giving and giving and giving. Okay, second cup is the cracked cup. This one feels especially familiar to me. From the outside, the cup still looks okay. You're still showing up, you're still taking care of your loved one, you're doing all the right things, but somehow nothing seems to last. You rest and you you're tired again. You have a good day, and then one call changes everything. You take care of yourself, but it feels like all the energy leaks right back out or back in, you know, whatever you want to say there. One of us, one of our listeners, and I'm I'm gonna reference Julie. And Julie, if you're listening, thank you. Julie from Iowa, I loved your text message, and I wanted to use it today. Recently, she shared something that really stayed with me. She said, I've been doing all the things to take care of myself, exercising, taking care, uh talking with friends, listening to your podcast, and nothing seems to be working. Then she realized something. The one thing she had been resisting was therapy. She even laughed and said, I still don't want to do it. But she also recognized something so important. After living on adrenaline through an incredibly stressful year, her body didn't know how to slow down. I so can relate, Julie. Maybe you you felt that too. Sometimes a cracked cup isn't because you're doing anything wrong. Sometimes your nervous system has simply been in survival mode for so long that rebuilding takes time. And that's okay. Thank you, Julie, for that good perspective. Okay, so we've we've talked about the empty cup, the cracked cup. The third one that I've identified is the broken cup. Some caregiving seasons leave us feeling shattered. Not because we're weak, but because we've been caring so much for so long. I think about Charlotte. Thank you, Charlotte from North Carolina. She uh she's been caring for her husband of 45 years, who has ALS for the past 12 years. 12 years. Charlotte, can you imagine the strength that that it takes? Wow. Or Laura from Minnesota. She cared for both of her parents through through cancer and dementia, helped care for her mother-in-law. Now she's been, or now she's supporting her husband and her two adult children while also trying to understand her own health and menopause. She recently wrote to me, Laura did. She says, I'm finally realizing that I have to take some time each day just to sit and draw. That wasn't giving up. That was rebuilding. Sometimes a broken cup comes after years of caregiving, years of grief, years of pulling yourself or putting yourself last, years of saying, I'll take care of myself later, and maybe later has just arrived. Thank you. These were so many. I I love getting your texts, and I feel bad that I can't share everyone's, but I've pulled the ones that I thought fit today. So, my friend, which cup are you carrying? Is it the empty cup, the crack cup, or the broken cup? Here's what I want you to know None of these cups. Are permanent. They simply tell you where you are today. And we've talked so much about awareness and acknowledgement. Now where you'll always, it's not always where you're going to be. That's what I'm trying to say. Because no matter which cup you're carrying, you can begin rebuilding one small step at a time. Your cup isn't your identity. It's simply giving you information about what you need right now. And I always say knowledge is power. Your acknowledgement is power. So maybe you've been listening and you've identified your cup now. Maybe it's empty. Maybe it's cracked. Maybe today it feels broken. Now comes the hard part.

Acceptance Before Change

SPEAKER_00 22:56

It's accepting it. Because if if I'm honest, this is where I struggle the most. Acknowledging that I got emotional last Wednesday. Acknowledging that I was angry and I wanted to just bite somebody's head off. Um, yeah. My instinct isn't to slow down, my instinct is to push harder. Most of us probably want to fix it, to fight through it, or to convince yourself, I'm fine, or convince yourself I just need to get through the week, or I'll rest later, or I don't have time for this. Does this sound familiar? When you're in a situation, or when you don't have the time, you push back? I think many of us spend time spend more energy fighting our cup than listening to it. When my cup is empty, I tell myself to keep pouring. When my cup is cracked, I keep trying to fill it the same way, even though it's leaking. When my cup feels broken, I want to tape it back together as quickly as possible and pretend everything is okay. But here's what I've learned: you can't rebuild something you refuse to acknowledge and accept. And maybe that's why we've spent the entire T uh season talking about awareness, because awareness isn't the finish line, it's the starting line. And I'm a I'm a big runner with the race. It's the starting line now. Once you've accepted it, think about you're at the starting line. You put on your brand new fancy shoes and you got a festive shirt on and you're ready to run the race. If you're not a race person, maybe you think of something else. It's a fresh start. It's what allows you to respond differently. This past week with Dennis reminded me of that. After everything that happened, my first instinct was to jump back into the normal life, to catch up, to keep going, to check everything off my list. But my cop was telling me, even this week, yet, telling me something different. It was telling me, slow down, process what just happened, rest, and be kind to yourself. Because again, going back to the those three with Laura and Julie, and I'm sorry, I can't remember the other one. Let me scroll back up here once and see who that was again. Um and Charlotte, you have to go ahead and and process it and let your nervous system recover. When my cup is empty, I tell myself to keep pouring, and that's not the way you want to do it. I didn't want to hear it at first because slowing down can feel uncomfortable, especially when we're used to being the strong one, the capable one, the one everyone depends on. But here's the truth ignoring your cup doesn't make it stronger, doesn't make you stronger. Listening to it does. Acceptance isn't giving up, acceptance is paying attention. It's saying there, this is where I am today. And I want to add, without shame, without guilt, without pretending, because once you know where you are, you can decide what you need next. You don't rebuild your cup by fighting it, you re-rebuild it by first listening to

Brick By Brick Rebuilding Ideas

SPEAKER_00 27:14

what it's trying to tell you. So if your cup is empty or cracked or even broken, where do you begin? Not by trying to rebuild everything today. Think about a bricklayer. He's going to go ahead and build this house. Well, he doesn't start by, you know, putting on the roof. He has to go ahead and put in one brick at a time. Strategically, thoughtfully, measuring everything, the right mortar. I'm not a bricklayer, so I'm just trying to get myself through it. But I think sometimes we look at our lives as caregivers and think, I have so much to fix. Everything feels overwhelming, or where do I even start? But you don't build a house in one day. You don't stand back, look at an empty lot, and expect a beautiful home to appear overnight. You build it one brick at a time. And rebuilding your cup works the very same way. You don't need to fix your whole life this week. You simply need to choose one brick. Now, the bricks I'm about to share are just examples. I want you to just listen to these examples, and maybe you have a complete, your brick bricks are completely different, and that's okay. The goal isn't to have the same bricks as everyone else. The goal is to keep building and finding what works best for you. So I'm going to give you some examples. Brick, a brick might be rest. Sometimes the next brick isn't doing more, it's doing less. For me, it was a rest and process. Maybe your body needs a nap, an earlier bedtime, a quiet morning, 10 minutes without making a dis decision for somebody else. I know after Dennis came home from the hospital last week, my body wasn't asking for productivity. Although one part of my brain was like, I have so much to do. But I let the side of my brain or my thoughts, it was asking for rest. And I've learned that when my body whispers rest, I need to listen before it starts shouting at me. And for you, it might be shouting at you with exhaustion or pains and aches or emotions, whatever it would be. So one brick could be rest, one brick could be connection. Maybe you're feeling incredibly lonely and you've identified that. Sometimes the next brick is reaching out and calling a friend. Maybe it's setting up a meeting date where you go ahead and go for a walk or you stop for coffee. Maybe you need to join, join a support group, or like our caregiver listener said, maybe you need to go ahead and sign up for therapy. Maybe it's replying to an email or sending a text. For me, it's going to be eventually, I haven't processed it yet, but I want to send an email to the hospital. Um, and I think I'm going to go to patient advocacy to talk about the miscommunication and what it meant to me so that it it maybe somebody will listen. It won't happen to somebody else. Even sharing your story for me, maybe you want to send me a text and share your story or share one of your bricks with me. Remember, you can click text Kathy, and maybe I'll feature you on um one of our episodes and read your text. Connection reminds us we're not carrying this alone. And I want to say we all, our stories are all different. Our situations are all different, but there are so many similarities. Okay, another brick is asking for help. This may be one of the hardest bricks to lay because many of us used to be the helper or we want to be the helper, not the one receiving help. But rebuilding often means letting somebody carry part of the load. Maybe it's asking a family member to stay for an afternoon so you get a little bit of a break. Maybe it's accepting a meal. Maybe it's letting someone mow the lawn. Or simply saying, I could really use some help. And you send it out to your group of friends. And maybe your help is just you need somebody to just go out and have a ice cream cone with you. Or maybe it's somebody that can come over and give you a break. That's not weakness, my friend. That's wisdom. Another brick is joy. This one, I picture this one as like a bright fluorescent color. I don't know why, but this one matters more than we sometimes realize. When was the last time you did something simply because it made you smile? It made you feel a bit of joy. For me, it's gardening. Maybe it's playing with your pet pet. Maybe it's listening to your favorite music. Maybe if you've listened to me in the past, I've joined a bowling league. Maybe it's drawing, like Laura said on hers. Maybe it's watching the birds at a feeder. Maybe it's reading a good book. Maybe it's going to your favorite class. Maybe it's walking by water. Joy isn't a reward that finishes caregiving. Or joy isn't a reward for finishing caregiving. Joy is part of how we sustain caregiving. We may not be able to leave our situation for a long time. So we have to find moments of joy, little things that bring us joy. Maybe it's you're reading a good book, or maybe you go to a movie with a friend, and it just kind of takes you away for a couple hours. Another brick, and I think this is my last brick example, is reflection. Sometimes rebuilding begins by slowing down long enough to say, what do I need today? What do I, you know, need today? Not next month, not next year, today. Asking yourself, what do I need today? Maybe the answer is prayer. Maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's therapy. Maybe I just need to take a walk and get outside. Maybe being with dentists for hours and hours and hours in a hospital room and not being outside. Maybe it's sitting quietly with coffee. Maybe it's simply admitting I'm not okay and saying, and that's okay today. There are there are just these are just a few examples, but I'm gonna rattle off just a few more bricks that I thought of and let you, you know, kind of find your bricks. Maybe your brick is prayer, church, physical activity, yoga, counseling, deep breathing. I said music before, time in nature. Maybe it's finding a hobby or going to your hobby, maybe it's time with family, maybe it's better nutrition, maybe it's a reality TV show, maybe it's better sleep, or something completely unique to you. There isn't one perfect brick. There are simply the ones your cup needs right now. So if you go back and look at it, if you were a bricklayer, what would what would be your first brick that you would put down? And here's the beautiful thing: one brick may not feel like much, but brick by brick, brick after brick, day after day, week after week, you're building something stronger. Not overnight, not perfectly, not intentionally. You don't rebuild your cup by making one giant change. You build it one small brick, one small choice, one small act of caring for yourself at a time. And that's how you do it. And sometimes you may have to, if you've ever think about it, the brick that you lay doesn't lay properly or it's got a groove in it and they don't like it. You can take that brick and throw it to the side and put in a new brick if that doesn't work. So, as caregivers, we become

Count Your Laps Not Setbacks

SPEAKER_00 36:52

really good at noticing what's wrong, right? The next appointment, the next problem, the next setback, the next thing that didn't get done. Our brains naturally scan for what still needs our attention because it's protecting us. And while that's part of caregiving, it can also make us miss something incredibly important. And that's our progress. One brick at a time. This reminded me so much of Dennis last week while we were in the hospital. The nurses had a simple goal for him, and you know, they they they worked with him because we couldn't find, and we still can't find, we can't find the origin of his issues. At the time I'm recording this, we're still still waiting for the tissue biopsies, but most of the blood work and the samples have come back, and it says not detected. So, what was this fluke? I mean, he was terribly sick, and he's in the hospital and he doesn't feel good, he's antsy, can't sleep in his own bed, that sort of thing. So the nurses had a goal for him, and they challenged him, and they knew we shared some of his history when he was at Freighter and stuff. And they had the dry erase board, and every time he walked a lap at that hospital, they wanted him to tally it, put a tally on the board. Every time he completed it, he would go to the dry erase board with a colored marker and put that slat on there. And not because one lap would change everything, but because every lap mattered, every lap was progress, every lap was worth celebrating. And I started thinking about this because he was like, okay, I'm the first time he made went around, he was winded and he was coughing. But by the end of the week, before he was discharged, he was walking multiple laps without any problems breathing. And so he was making progress, he was building back his strength. And it I started thinking, what if we did that as caregivers? What if instead of only counting the set, instead of counting the setbacks, we started counting our laps? What if we noticed today I asked for help? Today I took a walk. Today I laughed. Today I got eight hours of sleep. Today I finally made the phone call. Today I said no. Today I took my own medication without forgetting it. Today I took 10 deep breaths before reacting. Those are laps and they matter. So years ago, and I I really, when I was writing this, I really should start this again. I actually use this as part of my journaling practice. And I called him, what went well today, or what could I celebrate today? And I would do this before I went to bed. Instead of replaying everything that went wrong, I'd ask myself, what can I celebrate today? What went well today? At first, it wasn't easy because my mind wanted to focus in on everything I'd I hadn't done, everything that still needed fixing, everything that felt uh heavy. Uh, in last week's example, the nurses that didn't empathize with me, you know. But the more I practiced, the more I noticed the little victories, the quiet moments, the things I would have completely overlooked before. And over time, it changes your perspective. Not because not because my caregiving became easier or your caregiving is becoming easier, but because we've stopped letting the hard moments be the whole story. Maybe journaling isn't your thing. That's okay. Maybe your practice is sharing one win with your spouse, or texting a friend, or asking a friend to help you notice this. Sometimes when we call a friend, we spend 30 minutes talking about everything that's going wrong. What if before you hung up, they asked you one simple question? Tell me one thing that went well today. Or maybe you asked them the same question. Because sometimes we need someone else to remind us that we're making progress. My friend, your wins don't have to be big to matter. Some days getting out of bed might be your win. Taking a shower may be your win. Showing up with love is a win. Choosing rest might be your win. Laying one brick is your win. Like Dennis, every lap was a win. Don't just count the setbacks, count your laps. Because those small wins are quietly rebuilding your cup one day at a time.

Reflection Questions And Season Finale Tease

SPEAKER_00 42:35

So now let's talk about rebuilding. Not rebuilding your schedule, not rebuilding your to-do list. I'm talking about rebuilding you. As I recorded this episode, I couldn't help but think about Dennis and their emotions. And his emotions. It was emotional. There were moments of fear, moments of uncertainty, moments where I questioned what was going on. And honestly, my cup cracked. Not because I hadn't learned anything over the past eight years, not because I failed, but because caregiving kept changing. And I thought I was done with the changes. Why would I think that? Every new crisis, every hospitalization, every setback as something different of us. And no matter how experienced we become, we're still human. One of the biggest lessons I took away from this pat last week was I may not control what happens, but I can learn from how I move through it. Years ago, a week like that might left me emotionally exhausted for months. Now I can replay it. I can qu I can go ahead and and and really process it faster. Years ago, I would have carried the guilt, carried the fear, fear, carried the what-ifs. I would have carried the story and being angry all the time. But now that I notice it, I'm learning to notice the spill faster, learning what I need, learning when to rest, learning when to ask for help, learning to let the emotions move through me instead of setting up camp. And that's growth, uh growth. And if it reminded me of something we've talked about all season long. Sometimes we drop our cup, sometimes it's it cracks, sometimes it feels completely shattered. But rebuilding isn't pretending it never broke. Rebuilding isn't pretending it it rebuilding isn't carefully picking up the pieces and understanding what cracked, caused the crack, and repairing it with a little more wisdom, a little more compassion, and a little more grace before. And here's the beautiful part every time you rebuild, you learn something new about yourself. You discover another tool. I've discovered another tool about advocacy last week. I discovered more tools about my emotions. You might learn another boundary, another way to care for yourself, another reminder that you are stronger than you realize, not because life became easier, but because you became more aware. Maybe your rebuilding looks like finally asking for help. I know I'm repeating myself again, but I think it's worth repeating. Maybe rebuilding is going back to therapy, saying no without apologizing or feeling guilty. Maybe it's taking a nap instead of pushing through. Maybe it's calling a friend and asking them to just listen and not solve. Maybe it's taking your medication on a regular schedule or having your loved one remind you, did you take your medicine today? Maybe it's laughing again. For me, it's planting flowers or walking my dog. Maybe it's taking one deep breath before reacting. None of those things seem life-changing on their own, but together they begin rebuilding your cup one small piece at a time. You don't rebuild your cup all at once. You be rebuild it with one choice, one lesson, one active self-care, and one day at a time. I want to just leave you with this quote, and it's my personal quote, and you may see it in the email again, too. But if your cup feels cracked today, don't throw it away. Repair it. Because the cracks aren't proof that you failed. They're proof you've carried a lot. And every time you choose to care for yourself, you're strengthening it, strengthening it for whatever comes next. It could be kind of like uh a crack cup with when you repair it, visually think about that. It could look like a badge of honor. You know, it could be that way. So before we end today, I want to just give you some reflection and then talk about next week yet. And maybe that's what's rebuilt really uh rebuilding really looks like. Not pretending the cracks are there, not wishing you could go back to who you were before caregiving. It's not um honoring what you've been through, um, but you can, but learning from it. Maybe it's honoring what you've been through, but you're also honoring what you've learned and you're taking one step forward. Because, my friend, every crack is your cup in your cup, is your story, and it has a story. And I there should be a caregiving 101 class where we have caregivers who have developed these skills. We've developed so many skills as caregiving that we should have a PhD for all of the things that we've gone through. This the things that we've personally learned about ourselves, the caregiving task, the advocacy, everything. Um it could be a challenge you've carried, a lesson you've you've learned. And while those cracks may always be part of your story, they don't have to define your future. So before we close, I'd love for you to spend just a quiet moment reflecting. I don't want you to judge yourself, I don't want you to focus on everything that was broken, but to notice how far you've come, my friend, and what your cup may need next. Because just because you got through something, your seasons have changed. And I I was just baffled with eight plus years of caregiving and how that situation last week rattled me to the core. It just rattled me to the core because nobody was coming and I heard alerts going over saying, you know, code something, blah, blah, blah. I was getting so petrified and so nervous. Um, instead of learning from it and and asking at 30 minutes, asking at 60 minutes, that sort of thing. I should have done that. I was in a uh a dead zone, you know, but I'm not gonna reflect on what what I should have done. I'm gonna reflect on, I know now I need to do something different going forward. So so I'm gonna end today saying I encourage you to grab a journal or take these questions on your walk, or just simply sit with these questions. What cracks have you been carrying lately? What has caregiving taught you about yourself this season? Oh my gosh, you should be celebrating what you've learned from um in this season. How have you grown, even if it doesn't always feel like it? How have you grown? Are you more assertive? Are you more in control of your emotions? Are you good at explaining situations? Are you good at writing things down? So when you go to a doctor's, how have you learned? Or maybe it's your emotions. What's one small brick I can lay this week to begin rebuilding my cup? I will add these questions to the email. I know a few of you have asked me to join the email list, and I'll do this before I send out um the email this week, so you'll get this. Remember, you have you don't have to rebuild everything today. Just take the small step. And if you're really going through a crisis right now, it might be just 10 breaths, and that's all you can do this week. It might be, I need to make sure I'm eating a good breakfast because the rest of the day may be going to blah, blah, blah. Every crack in your cup, remember, has a story. So, my friend, if you've listened to this entire season so far, I have one thing that that has become very clear. You were never broken. Your cup simply needs attention, and there's a big difference. This season, we've talked about burnout, we've talked about overwhelm and anger and resentment and the stories we tell ourselves, that guilt that shows up when we finally take care of ourselves. And today we talked about rebuilding, not rebuilding your old life, not rebuilding yourself. And sorry, my friend, I'm just gonna be honest. Your life will never be back what it was before caregiving. It may become similar, but you're you've learned so much, you've grown so much. So it's going to be different. But rebuilding yourself one small choice at a time. I hope you've noticed something, not just about caregiving, but about yourself. Maybe you've started noticing your spill sooner. Maybe you've become kinder to yourself. Maybe you've asked for help or taken a walk or accepted a nap nap or finally admitted I'm caring more than I realized. Those aren't small things, those are signs of growth. Healing isn't measured by having few, having fewer hard days. It's measured by how you respond when those hard days come. And I know because I just lived it last week. My cup cracked, my emotions went haywire. I cried, I worried, I felt overwhelmed. But I also noticed I gave myself grace. I learned from it. And today I'm rebuilding just like you are. So if your cup feels cracked today, don't throw it away. Repair it. Because those cracks aren't proof you've failed. They're proof you've loved deeply, you've carried heavily, and kept showing up. And every time you choose to care for yourself, you're strengthening that cup from whatever come uh for whatever comes next. So we have one more um uh episode in season three. I cannot believe that this will be episode 11 in season three. We're gonna wrap it up together, and I have one final conversation I want us to have before, because after everything we've talked about, like the burnout and all that kind of stuff, there's one thing that I want to go ahead and talk about in the season finale. We're going to bring everything together and talk about how to keep filling your cup, not perfectly, not intent, but intentionally. Um, we're going to talk about becoming a healthier person or healthier caregiver. And one who understands that caring for yourself isn't part of caring for your loved one. Um, so I hope you join me one more time for this season. Um, in the last episode, I will also talk about taking the month, taking some time away and then when I'm going to restart with episode four. But I will have some things in between. I'll I'll um send you some emails encouraging you to listen to certain episodes just to kind of keep you engaged and keep you thinking about your cup and how important it is. So I need that month to recharge, but I also need it to kind of think through what the theme is going to be because I'm still toying with a few things, and I want to make sure I I use your time wisely as much as myself. So, first of all, thank you for listening to this episode. I am so glad you're here. And remember, you're not alone. Secondly,

Text Line Sharing And Support Options

SPEAKER_00 56:26

don't don't lose sight that there's that text feature. I love when I open my emails and my my app that shows the I call the fan mail coming up, and it's like, oh my gosh, look at all of these. I love reading your responses. You have an opportunity to also type in the text, or you can give me a voicemail now. Um, I know a couple of you gave me voicemail so I can hear your voice. Just remember my responses are limited, so I will do my best to respond. I think I get 300 characters because I don't want to pay for any more. And so that's what I do that way. And then if you want to support me, share this with a friend. Share it with somebody else that's a caregiver that's struggling, that may need this. You also can support the show by doing a donation. So I would appreciate that. Um, I want to thank you for the past people that have been supporting the show because I do this from my own pocketbook and I ask for donations to cover the monthly fee. And it helps to go ahead and get a little bit of money so that um I can continue to give back to everyone. If you can't afford it, I truly understand. Um, keep listening. It's not something that I will ever charge for because I think we need this as caregivers. We need to hear each other, supporting each other. And my only way of giving back that I feel passionate about right now is talking to you. And it fills my heart, it hurts my heart. But I hope that that's helping you as well. So remember, you're not alone, my friend. And as always, keep looking at your cup and finding that one brick this week that may help you through your caregiving season right now. Bye for now.