Confident Sober Women

Navigating Life's Transitions: 5 Essential Tools for Recovery

• Shelby • Episode 220

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Join host Shelby John as she shares powerful strategies for navigating transition times in sobriety. Whether you're dealing with back-to-school stress, seasonal changes, or major life shifts, this episode provides actionable tools to help you thrive instead of just survive.

What You'll Learn:

5 Essential Transition Tools for Women in Recovery: 

  • Transition Rituals - How to intentionally mark changes and set intentions 
  • The STOP Technique - A proven method to rewire your brain's stress response 
  • Support Check-ins - Building proactive connection points before you're struggling 
  • Energy Audits - Protecting your energy during overwhelming times 
  • Nervous System Reset - Revolutionary approach using remote neurofeedback therapy

Key Topics Covered:

  • Why transitions trigger women in recovery more intensely
  • How substance use rewires our brain's response to uncertainty
  • Creating new neural pathways for conscious choice vs reactive behavior
  • Back-to-basics approach during high-stress periods
  • Remote neurofeedback therapy as brain training for regulation

Featured Resource:

Learn about Shelby's remote neurofeedback therapy program - a non-invasive, at-home brain training solution that helps retrain your nervous system's response to stress, anxiety, and triggers. Perfect for women ready to take their recovery to the next level.

Shelby's Website: www.shelbyjohn.com 

Free Consultation: Available for remote neurofeedback therapy.

Support the show

Support the show

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the Confident Sober Women podcast. I'm your guide, shelby John. I'm the mother of three, wife to one and sober since July 1st 2002. As sober women, we have something huge in common, and when we share our lives and our stories with each other, we feel that sense of belonging and connection. So we know we are no longer alone. In this podcast you will hear real life talk about building confidence and transforming your life beyond recovery. So come on, let's talk recovery. So come on, let's talk. Hey, it's me, shelby.

Speaker 1:

Have you ever wondered what's really happening in your brain during recovery? Are you ready to take control of your anxiety, sleep better and finally feel focused and confident? I want to introduce you to a game changer that's transforming women's recovery remote neurofeedback therapy. I want you to a game changer that's transforming women's recovery Remote neurofeedback therapy. I want you to think of this as a personal trainer for your brain. It's helping you build new neuropathways right from the comfort of your own home. So if you're dealing with anxiety that just won't quit, if you have ADHD that's making life chaotic or sleep issues that leave you exhausted, neurofeedback could be your missing piece. It's science-backed brain training that works with your natural healing process, helping you regulate emotions and build lasting confidence. The best part is, you don't need to add another appointment to your busy schedule. My remote neurofeedback program brings professional guidance and support right to your living room. Do you want to learn more about neurofeedback therapy? You can go to my website, wwwshelbyjohncom to download my free guide. Is Neurofeedback Right for you? Together, we'll create the calm, confident future you that you deserve. That's wwwshelbyjohncom. Take the first step towards training your brain for lasting change.

Speaker 1:

Well, hey there, sober ladies, thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident, sober Women podcast, where we are creating a movement of powerful, wisdom-seeking women who are building lives of confidence, joy and profound personal enlightenment beyond initial recovery. I'm your host, shelby John, and every week we have empowering conversations to help you build a life you don't want to escape from, because we all know sobriety is only the beginning, and today we're talking about something that can catch even the strongest woman in recovery off guard, and that is transition times. Of course, we are in the back to school rush that's happening right now. There's also the shift from summer to fall, and there might even be other major life changes or transitions that are causing you to feel emotional landmines and can create some unrest for those of us in recovery. I know in my own life we transitioned our two daughters back to college and my son, who's the youngest, is a senior in high school, and so that means at the end of this year we will have two graduates. And to say this has been an emotional time is a bit of an understatement for me. I find myself tearing up at random times, not able to keep their bedroom doors open, and even spending excess money on Amazon to contribute to my quote unquote making things era, which I'm branding as a new coping skill. So I say all of that to let you know that I'm right there, in it with you and staying sober, one day at a time through it all. But here's what I want you to know that right from the start, you don't have to white knuckle your way through these challenging times. Today, I want to share with you five practical tools you can start using immediately. Plus, then, I'm going to tell you about a game changing resource that's been transforming lives in my practice, including my own remote neurofeedback therapy.

Speaker 1:

So let's first ask the question why do transitions trigger us so much in recovery? And I want to get real for a moment. Transitions are hard for everyone, but when you're in recovery, they can feel even more overwhelming. But really, why is that? It's because our brains are wired to seek familiar patterns and change disrupts those patterns. So think about it. For years, most of us use substances to cope with uncertainty, stress and the unknown. And then, when September rolls around and suddenly everyone's schedules change kids are back to school, work gets busier, or when the seasons shift and our energy levels fluctuate, our nervous system's can go into overdrive your brain might start sending those old, familiar signals. Like this is uncomfortable, this feels uncertain. Remember what we used to do with this feeling. But here's the beautiful truth You're not the same person you were when you first got sober, and you have tools. Now you have strength, and today I'm going to give you five more. So let's get into it.

Speaker 1:

Tool number one is the transition ritual. The first tool is creating what I call a transition ritual. This isn't about complicated ceremonies. It's about intentionally marking the change. So when you're facing any transition, I want you to take 10 minutes or, you know, in my case, 10 hours or 10 days to acknowledge what you're leaving behind. So it might just be things like the summer routines or the nice weather, or your kids home with you, whatever it is. Acknowledge that that thing. And then I want you to identify three things that you're grateful for about the upcoming change. And then I want you to set one clear intention for how you want to show up during this transition.

Speaker 1:

Personally, I do this every season change, every time my kids go back to school, even when I'm starting a new project, or even the seasons. It helps my brain to process the change and stop resisting it so much. So for me, I spent time before and after acknowledging what we were leaving behind, which was an incredible summer break together. We really really had so much fun. And then I noted three things that I was grateful for with the upcoming change. One is the weather has been incredible here. It's been beautiful, with the cooler mornings and the cooler evenings. I'm grateful that we get to travel to visit the girls and spend time with them in their environment, and I'm grateful that my son lets me make his lunch every day so I can kind of sprinkle my love into his food and let that speak to him.

Speaker 1:

So tool number two is the STOP technique. It's an acronym, and when transition anxiety hits. I want you to really go to this. Use this STOP acronym S is for stop what you're doing. Just stop what you're doing. T take three deep breaths O observe what you're feeling without judgment that's the key and P proceed with intention. So this technique literally rewires your brain's response to stress and instead of those old autopilot reactions you're creating a new neuropathway, one that leads to conscious choice instead of reactive behavior.

Speaker 1:

So yesterday evening I could feel the anxiety building in my body and it was kind of unprompted. There really wasn't anything going on. I was just home doing stuff and honestly, what it was was emotions. It was just a lot of emotions, and it created me to start kind of flitting around even more than I normally am, to be maybe a little snappy and on the verge of tears. And at one point I just stopped what I was doing and I stood still for a moment and I took three deep belly breaths in through my nose and then slowly out through my mouth. I took note of what I was feeling right then. So I observed that I was feeling sad, I was a little lonely and truly I was just longing for my kids, and then I resisted the temptation to shut that down or dismiss it or judge myself for those feelings. And then I intentionally stood up. I stood a little taller, I forced my shoulders down and back and then I looked at what I was already involved in and I quickly made a plan for the rest of the night.

Speaker 1:

So remember to use S-T-O-P Tool number three is the support check-in. Transitions are not the time to isolate. Sometimes we want to, right, I know I do sometimes. I want you to identify three people in your support network right now and then schedule regular check-ins with them over the next two weeks. So this could be your sponsor, a sober friend, a therapist or a family member. The key is I want you to be proactive. I want you to have these already scheduled in. Don't wait until you're struggling or really already are in isolation. I want you to reach out when you're feeling good and create those connection points. These are literally just check-ins. They don't have to be about you. In fact, it's better if they aren't, frankly. So those three people out of the three people, some of them can be people in your life that you know are going through a really hard time or people that could really use some encouragement. So, for example, I have a very dear friend that is going through a big marital crisis right now and I have been intentionally checking in with her just to see how she's doing and she's also one of my support people. But I wanted to show her some love and so I did that again yesterday, just to kind of check in and schedule a phone call to get an update and to see how she's doing. And then you can also have that one or maybe two people that you share the full-on truth with. You want to make sure those are people that you know you can trust with your story.

Speaker 1:

Tool number four is the energy audit. Transitions can be a real energy drain, so during transitions, our energy often gets really scattered. So I want you to do what I call an energy audit. Some of you may have heard the term back to basics, and that's what this is. So during times of transition and high stress, you have to focus on only the things that are absolutely necessary, only the things that have to be done. So things like feeding yourself properly, getting to work on time, making sure your kids are clean and fed and they get to school, getting adequate sleep, moving your body regularly just really the basics of life.

Speaker 1:

This is not the time to be picking up a new hobby or starting a home renovation or engaging with a lot of friends socially or trying to change something really big about your health. So I want you to list all the things that are demanding your energy right now Work changes, school schedules, relationship dynamics, even seasonal depression, if that's part of your story and starting to creep in. And then I want you to ask yourself what can I eliminate or delegate? I want you to really think hard about the delegation part and think about, for example, what your kids can do. So your kids can do their own laundry, starting in middle school. They can pack their own lunches. Your partner could possibly pick up a different chore or a specific task that you could really use some help with, and this doesn't have to be forever, it can just be for a specific time period. And this doesn't have to be forever, it can just be for a specific time period. And I want to also list out what needs my full attention.

Speaker 1:

So things like your recovery, your sleep, your kids, your health. What am I doing out of habit that no longer serves me? Things that I could probably let go. I don't need to be doing. Be ruthless here. Your recovery depends on you protecting your energy like the precious resource it is, and tool number five is the nervous system reset. Here's that absolutely revolutionary thing I have added in my practice that you could utilize as well to understand more about your own nervous system and then to train your brain.

Speaker 1:

Many women in recovery are dealing with dysregulated nervous systems. Years of substance use, trauma and stress have literally rewired our brains, and traditional therapy is great. Obviously, I am a mental health therapist and traditional therapy is great. Obviously, I am a mental health therapist. I use EMDR therapy. It's amazing. But sometimes we need even more than what traditional therapy can provide, or we need it to be done in a different way, and that's where remote neurofeedback therapy comes in, and I'm incredibly excited to be able to offer this to the women in my community. Neurofeedback therapy is like going to the gym for your brain. It's a non-invasive therapy that uses real-time brainwave activity monitoring to teach your brain how to regulate itself more effectively. So we're talking about actually retraining your brain's responses to stress, anxiety and even triggers, and what makes my remote program so powerful is that you can do this from your own home. You get to train your brain literally from your couch or your bed or your car or wherever. No more driving to appointments, no more scheduling around work and family. You get the same incredible results with the convenience and privacy you deserve. So I've watched women go from having panic attacks during their kids' school pickup to feeling calm and centered. I've seen clients who used to have three glasses of wine in order to handle work stress navigate the challenges of life with clarity and confidence, and the best part is the brain starts learning new patterns immediately. Most of my clients notice changes within the first few sessions.

Speaker 1:

So let's do a quick recap of your transition toolkit. Number one is to create transition rituals Think, acknowledge gratitude and intention. Number two is use the stop technique. Stop what you're doing, take three deep breaths, observe what you're feeling without judgment. Proceed with intention. Number three is schedule support check-ins. Have three people that you regularly check in with and can talk to, even before you're in a challenge. Number four is audit your energy, think back to basics, focusing only on what needs to be done immediately. Number five is consider nervous system work.

Speaker 1:

Let's talk about implementing that remote neurofeedback therapy program. Now, these aren't just coping skills, these are life skills that will serve you in every transition you face. If you're listening to this and thinking, I need more support for my nervous system, so I want you to know that help is available. My remote neurofeedback therapy program is appropriate for anyone who wants to use it, but it specifically does help women in recovery who are ready to take their healing to the next level. And one of the best things about it is it's not under our licensure, so it can be used across state lines and we're not bound by those same things that traditional therapy has us bound.

Speaker 1:

You don't have to keep fighting the same battles with anxiety, sleep issues, emotional reactivity, adhd, depression. Your brain has incredible capacity for change. Neuroplasticity is real and it's never too late to create new patterns. I am currently accepting new clients for my remote neurofeedback therapy program and I would love to talk with you about how this could become part of your recovery toolkit. It's a wonderful opportunity for you, for your family and for your peace. You can find more information about neurofeedback therapy on my website, shelbyjohncom. You can even schedule a free consultation there if you'd like to talk a little bit more and get in depth about it. I'll put that link in the show notes below. You can also reach out to me directly on social media.

Speaker 1:

So remember, sober ladies, transitions don't have to derail your recovery or your life. With the right tools and support, they can actually become opportunities for growth and increased confidence. They can actually become opportunities for growth and increased confidence. You've already proven you can do hard things. You got sober and you've maintained your recovery through challenges before I know you have. You have everything it takes to thrive through whatever transition you're facing right now.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for joining me today on the Confident Sober Women podcast. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another woman who might need to hear this message. And remember you're not just surviving in recovery, you're thriving. I'll see you next week with another episode designed to support you on this incredible journey. Until then, stay confident and remember that sobriety is only the beginning. See you next time. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of Confident Sober Women. If you enjoyed this conversation, hit the subscribe button above so you won't miss any upcoming episodes. And hey, if you really loved it, leave me a review. You can learn more about the Sober Freedom Inner Circle membership at wwwshelbyjohncoachingcom. Forward slash inner circle. See you next time.