From Rock Bottom to Recovery: Beth McDonough on Accountability, Trauma, and Staying Sober

In this episode of the Confident Sober Women podcast, Shelby John sits down with Beth McDonough, a former television crime reporter with more than 30 years of experience covering major news stories across the United States.

Beth shares her powerful and deeply personal recovery story. She speaks openly about addiction, trauma, shame, incarceration, and the long process of rebuilding her life after losing her career and public reputation. This conversation focuses heavily on personal responsibility and what it truly takes to get sober and stay sober.

Throughout the episode, Beth reflects on how unprocessed grief, career pressure, and untreated trauma contributed to her addiction. She explains how recovery required accountability, trauma-informed therapy, and ongoing commitment to healing through tools such as 12-step programs and EMDR.

This episode is especially meaningful for women navigating sobriety, career loss, or major life transitions. Beth’s story offers hope to anyone who feels stuck in shame or believes they have gone too far to start over. Her journey is a reminder that recovery is not about returning to who you once were, but about building a stronger and more authentic version of yourself.

If you are interested in addiction recovery for women, sober living, trauma healing, and rebuilding confidence after hitting rock bottom, this episode will resonate deeply.

📘 Book Mentioned by Beth McDonough

Standby
Beth’s memoir explores addiction, recovery, chronic illness, and resilience. The book speaks to today’s cultural conversation around mental health, sober curiosity, chronic illness awareness, and female empowerment.

🔗 https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/standby-beth-mcdonough/1148126303?ean=9798894278186

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Well, hey there, sober ladies. Thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women Podcast. And today I had a very special conversation with my friend Beth McDonough. And she is tenacious and resourceful. And she's also a seasoned television crime reporter, which is pretty cool if you ask me. She's worked for some pretty big networks in a lot of major cities across our country. And she has a recovery story that I think you're all going to get something from. She shares extremely candidly, very honestly, about her transgressions, about her time in jail, about the shame and the guilt and the trauma work that needed to be done. But most of our conversation really revolved around personal responsibility and really what it takes to get and stay sober or really to do anything. Whenever we want to go do something big for ourselves or make any kind of change, it takes accountability on our side. We have to always be pointing the fingers directly to ourselves to say, you know, what is my part in this? It's so easy to point them out to everybody else. Well, if my dad hadn't left us when we were five, or if my boss hadn't fired me after 19 years, or whatever, my child hadn't died or done this. And there's so we fingers we can point out, but it really isn't until we take the time to look at ourselves and ask ourselves, what is our part in this when the real healing starts? And that's a huge part of our recovery work. If you've done any kind of work around that using 12-step program or any kind of EMDR trauma work, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Nothing changes unless something changes. So I know you're going to enjoy this conversation. I want you to grab your big glass of water or your favorite mocktail and enjoy my conversation with Beth McDonough. Hello and welcome to the Confident Sober Women Podcast. I'm your guide, Shelby John. I'm the mother of three, wife to one, and sober since July 1st, 2002. As sober women, we have something huge in common. And when we share our lives and our stories with each other, we feel that sense of belonging and connection. So we know we are no longer alone. In this podcast, you will hear real life talk about building confidence and transforming your life beyond recovery. So come on, let's talk. Well, hey there, Beth. Thank you so much for joining me today on the Confident Sober Women podcast. I'm so excited to have you and to hear a little bit more about your story, and then we're gonna get into a whole bunch of other stuff. So I'm gonna turn the mic over to you, let you share a little bit more about your recovery story, and then we're gonna chat.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Okay. Uh well, I was a newscaster for 30 years, lived all over the US, and uh some of the more major markets I worked in were like Oklahoma City, Houston, Philadelphia, New York, Minnesota. And um I kind of had a niche as a newscaster. I know some people love anchoring, uh, but I love to be where the action is, you know, kind of at the intersection of chaos and adrenaline shocker for an addict. And um, but I loved being out in the field, in the streets, as we call it, you know, covering the big stories. And we used to joke if it was murder, death, destruction in mayhem, you know, call Beth. They'd send me. Uh, because I was also on a go team when I was in Philly in New York. And uh, you know, so essentially if a mass disaster happened, plane wrecks 9-11, for instance, uh, I was working at 9-11, you know, you grab your bag, you go. And uh I loved that. I loved that the charge of all of it. And what I loved about being a reporter, because I used to be bored as an anchor in the studio, and I'm like, I want to be where they are, well, you know, talking to the people, and I want to tell their stories. And that seems interesting and exciting. And what I have learned over time is I love to hear the survivor stories, what people go through, major events in their lives, how they get through it, how they get to the other side, if they get to the other side. And that always fascinated me. And who knew that, you know, one day I'd be telling my own survivor story, but here we are.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

That's right. Oh, thank you so much for sharing uh some of your professional journey. That's wild. And I totally understand what you mean about that intersection um of adrenaline, and it does seem very fitting. As soon as you said that's where you like to be, where the action is, I was like, hmm, I can relate to that. Um, so can you share a little bit more about kind of what happened at the maybe at the end of your um journey and then kind of how you got sober and and what's been up with you since then?

First DUI, Denial, And Missed Help

The Second DUI And Public Fallout

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Yeah. So it was around 2005, 2006. Um, I used to be a party girl, you know, in news, uh, and I always work the night shift generally. And when you get off at 11 or midnight, what's open? The bars. You know, and so we news people would go sometimes, not all the time, but fairly often throughout the week, you know, go and have a couple of drinks after work to decompress in the hopes you don't take home what you've seen that day, you know, you kind of get it all out of your system and move on. Uh, but when you cover that for 30 years, you you at some point also start to absorb the trauma of what you see, what you cover, you know, uh, because I was always in the trenches with first responders, emergency crews, that sort of thing. So, you know, there's that element of it. And then in early 2005, six, seven, and eight, um, a number of things were happening in my life, which aren't an excuse. Uh, they're just part of life stressors that everybody faces that I did not handle well. And one of them being uh I was going through divorce, and then my mother died very unexpectedly, and we were extremely close. So that was a bit of a blow. And while my mother was dying, uh my stepdad had a quadruple bypass. And and I was always kind of the caretaker kid in the family. Um, you know, and so I was dealing with my mom's burial, getting my dad through a quadruple bypass, and I stayed to take care of him for a month. And then I also got notice that um my job in Philadelphia, my contract wasn't being renewed uh because Comcast was buying NBC. And so, what does new management do? They bring, you know, the clean house and bring their own people. So all of these things happened, and that's about when I noticed that my partying went from partying to I needed this more and more and more. Uh, because after I kind of got all the family matters taken care of, you know, got the divorce done, found a new job in Minnesota working for Fox News. So I went to Minnesota after I took care of all of that, and I never gave myself space and room to to grieve and to mourn and you know, because I had to power through getting all these things done. And I, you know, I turned to the bottle more and more. And, you know, I went from being a party girl to more of a professional drinker, and instead of just drinking maybe after the news, it would be on the weekends. And then it became during the week, and then it became several days during the week, uh, never on the job, but outside of the job. And I got my first DUI in 2007, right after the 35W bridge collapsed in Minneapolis into the Mississippi River, and uh, I think about 145 cars went to the water. Um, it was just a couple of weeks later that I got my first DUI, and we'd gone out after work and you know, blew off some steam, and lo and behold, you know, I got busted for a DUI. And there was a little blurb in the paper, and there was, you know, a little bit of attention, not a lot though. Um, and I don't know if that was a blessing or a curse, to be honest with you, you know, because that first one just didn't hurt enough. And I got called in the office, you know, my boss is like, Do you have a problem? And shame and stigma, being what it is, keeps you stuck in a corner. And, you know, I said, No, I don't. I, this is a one-off, it won't happen again. I didn't want to be labeled an alcoholic. I didn't want to be an alcoholic. No, I don't think anybody grows up and they're like, that'll be a good time. Let's, you know, let's blow up your life, see how that goes. This life that you worked so hard and sacrificed so much for. And uh, you know, I just couldn't bring myself to accept his offer of help. And I think sometimes help is a four-letter word. Oh, you so I I try to pivot and use the word support, you know, because when you go, let me help you, and nobody wants help. You know, we're all gonna do it ourselves. We're and as a reporter, um, being in the trenches every day, you get to be very strong. You get a backbone. And I'm like, I will get on top of this, I will get in control of this. And what you learn over time is alcohol doesn't negotiate, right? In the world of relationships, alcohol is a taker, and it's an equal opportunity disease. It uh affects everybody, and you don't control it, it controls you. And that's what you learn in your alcoholic journey. Um, and so I told my boss, no, it's a one-off, it'll never happen again. I liked him so much. We had a great working relationship, you know, and it's kind of like when your father tells you he's disappointed in you, you know, it's just a stab to the heart. And I'm like, I got this, I will make this right. And uh, and he said, you know, Fox has a zero tolerance policy, though, and you violated your contract and your morality clause in your contract too. He said, if we can get you to keep the job, I can't guarantee I can, you know, this can never happen again. You will be fired. And he offered again, can we get you help? And I said, No, I don't need it. You know, I just helped that word. Don't help me. You know, I'm the reporter, I go out and help people and I solve their problems. People come to me, you know, and I was just strong and like I just I was convinced I'd be able to get a handle on it. Uh and so I white knuckled it for a little bit and for some months. Um, but alcoholism being what it is, it's a progressive disease. And you know, when it when it gets in your system, you crave it, boy. And so over time the craving started to come back, and uh, you know, some social drinking quickly evolved into much more again. And it was uh in 2008, oh my goodness, it was this weekend, 16 years ago. Halloween. Wow, I just realized that. Halloween, 16 years ago. Uh I'd gone out with coworkers and I knew I was getting drunk, and so I tabbed out because I thought I got to go get home. Why I didn't take a cab or an Uber, I don't know. I mean, it's alcoholic stinking thinking. But I got in my car and I drove home and I hit another uh car on the highway at 80 miles an hour. Unfortunately, the the driver wasn't injured, thank God. Um, the car was damaged, it was a fender bender, and he did sue me later on. Um, when I pulled up to my house, which I don't remember, I'm a blackout drinker, so you know the memories kind of come and go. And through police reports and uh talking to my attorney, I've been able to piece together what happened. But when I showed up at my home, the police were there waiting for me and uh took me to jail for the second time. And um, you know, that was that was definitely a a moment. When I woke up, I blacked out for 36 hours. When I woke up in the drunk tank at the county jail, and I had the orange jumpsuit on, I still had handcuffs on. The women in the holding cell with me were watching the TV because what do you do when you're in jail? You know, either talk about what'd you do, what you do, or you're watching Jerry Springer. And uh the news was on when I woke up, big screen TV too, and the newscasters who I've partied with many a time in my life, were talking about me and what was on the TV, but my mugshot. Um yeah, my big mugshot was on TV. So I got to sit there and when I saw that, you know, and I'm hung over, and I I'm all the things, and I'm like, and then I realized kind of where I am, and I'm like, my life as I know it is over. And I dreaded everything that happened next. And uh when the my attorney wouldn't bail me out uh jail for several days because I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Um so he eventually did bail me out, and when the deputy was walking me out in the elevator, and and you know, I said, How bad is it out there? And she goes, Oh, all the newsies are here. She goes, Do you even have inside addition? Okay. I said, Any chance you're gonna let me I know they have a back door, any chance you're gonna let me out the back door? And she goes, Not a chance. Fair. And she goes, one more thing. When you got out last year, I walked you out too. And I'm like, oh god, you know, just like I couldn't hate myself anymore at that moment. And uh, and then when I finally did get out of the actual jail facility, my attorney parked 10 blocks away. So I would have to do the walk of shame in front of everybody. You know, he wasn't gonna whip up and rescue me. And um, so I did the walk of shame, which I have caught many people doing and used to pride myself on. And I was now the walk of shame. And you know, Rand got in the car with the attorney, and uh, you know, he said, Beth, you've got a problem. You need treatment, you need help, you know. The first one we might consider a party crime. The second one, you're in some deep trouble. Deep and everything in Minnesota, if you get more than one DUI in 10 years, everything is doubled. Fines, court cost, lawsuits, anything, it's all you know, doubled. And what's really crummy is uh so I lost my driver's license for one year, and the authorities also seized my car and then sold it at auction. And what really sucks about that, besides the obvious, uh, I paid my car off two weeks before. No, you know, and just you know, and at the time I was so happy, look at me adulting, I'm paying off bills. I own my car outright. Yay! You know, I'm doing the things, I'm living the life. Yeah, no, uh, that ended. And um, so when I got home, then my boss at Fox News called and said, Come to the TV station, we have some forms for you to fill out. And I'm like, Well, let me just further humiliate myself. I said, I actually can't get there. They took my car, and uh, and he's like, We'll send you a taxi. And so when I got to the TV station, and you know, I was close with all my coworkers. We had a lot of mutual respect, and I really liked them. But when I walked into the building, no one would make eye contact with me. Not a person, and I don't blame them at all, you know, they didn't know what I'd become. Uh, I brought a lot of bad press on them, and they were all gonna have to deal with it too, and kind of, you know, the snickers and and the s not the snighty comments, because it's kind of hard to be a crime reporter when you commit a crime. And um so my boss again, I met with him and whew, smoke was coming out of his ears. He was mad. And you know when you really disappoint someone that you really like, you know, there was all of that at play there. And I'm like, there's no recovering from this. And so we came in the office, you know, he said, I warned you last year if you got another DUI, that would be it. You would be fired. And he said, you know, it's really a shame you helped to put us on the map and you had a job for life. I mean, how nice to know you're gonna be guaranteed a paycheck paycheck two weeks, every two weeks for the rest of your life. How nice, right? Well, I'm an alcoholic and I mess that up, you know, and it's my own fault. It's very self-inflicted. And he said, you know, it's it's a shame because you would have had a job for life. But he said, as of today, you're no longer of service to us, no longer of use. You know, you are fired. We kept the taxi here, you can take it home or you can go to treatment. It's your call. I was just at the lowest uh moments at that time in my life, but it would get a whole bunch lower. So over time, um, and I did go to treatment and I did 30 days inpatient, but I very quickly uh, you know, was sued by the guy I hit. My attorney fees were doubled, the fines, everything was, you know, and so I put my house on the market to try and sell my house because I didn't have income coming in anymore. No one would buy it because it was my house. So it was foreclosed. So, you know, I answered the door when the deputy served me papers. Who I knew, I knew the deputy, and uh so that was super embarrassing. And you know, he said, You got a month, you're gonna be out, otherwise we'll kick you out, you know. But your your house is gonna be foreclosed on. And so, you know, I was broke, lost all my friends at that time, and I don't besmirch them for that. They, you know, had to back off and save themselves, you know, from being in my no one wanted to be associated with me. And I lost some family friendships. My my stepdad in particular, we were very close, the one who had the quadruple bypass. We were best friends, we were very close, but it was a little bit of a different generation, and he considered alcoholism to be a character fault, not a disease. And, you know, it just got worse from there, frankly. You know, I started looking for a bridge to live under, and I applied for jobs at the grocery store, they wouldn't hire me. I applied for jobs at the mall, they wouldn't hire me. And I'm like, well, I'm either gonna have to move again, where I don't know. Um, or I gotta figure this out. And I have dogs, I've always loved dogs, and I've always used like dog walkers or daycare when I would travel on assignment for various things. So I thought, well, I've got my two feet in my bicycle, but given that it's December and in Minnesota, you know, the snow is five feet tall because the snow doesn't melt until April, I can't use my bike, so I've got my two feet. What can I do? Nobody will hire me. And uh, so I started to go to my neighbors and knock on their doors, and they all know me as having dogs, and uh said, Can I walk your dogs for 20 bucks while you're at work? I'll walk your dogs, I'll pick up their poop. And um they said yes. So that is how I slowly started to put like food on my table. And over time, um, some of my clients asked me if I could daycare their dogs. And I'm like, Oh, I can't do that because I'm losing my home. I'm like, you know, I don't have a place to daycare and keep the dogs. But one of my clients um who didn't know me at all before the DUIs, and I just started walking their dogs then, uh, was kind enough to, she said she had a warehouse um that I needed to go and renovate if I wanted to use it, but she would rent it to me at a really reduced rate, and this would give me someplace to be able to increase the business from dog walking to doggy daycare to boarding to grooming. And uh, and I couldn't have been more grateful. So I took her up on it. And frankly, after I saw there was a bathroom in this vacant warehouse, I'm like, maybe I'm living here too. I don't know. You know, uh, I ended up that client, that very same client, offered me um the lower level of her home to live in until I could get on my feet, though. Isn't that amazing? So that's what I did, and I slowly built this business up, you know, because when your back's against the wall, you got to make something happen here. So I built the business up into a very viable and profitable business and had 11 employees by the end of year three. And, you know, working my program, doing the steps, I go to meetings, you know, therapy, ad nauseum, group therapy, ad nauseum, outpatient treatment. I did it all. I went back to speak where I went to treatment to just, you know, stay connected with alcoholics. I had a sponsor, I started working with alcoholics. And in fact, I took on a sober roommate up until my home was foreclosed, which helped immensely. And people started to approach me, businesses, about buying my doggy daycare. And I was like, Really? You want to buy this? You know, and I'm like, I can't sell it. I don't know what else I do with my life at this stage. I can't get back into TV, no one will hire me. Because I had begged the TV stations after my second DUI. And to my face, they said, not a chance. You know, I was just, I was a hot potato. And uh, and they didn't want the bad press of bringing me on, which I don't blame them for that either. But more and more people then started to approach me about buying the business. And at this time we kept about 40 or 60 dogs a day, uh, which is very labor-intensive, it's very exhausting. And I loved it, but it's exhausting, you know, it's like having a bunch of toddlers run around. And so finally, you know, the right offer came along. I was exhausted enough at that point, and that I thought, okay. And you kind of read the tea leaves, I believe. You know, more offers kept coming, more and more. And I'm like, okay, there's something to this. I'm I'm the universe is telling me it's time to move on. So I took one of the offers, and on the day that I was handing the keys over to the new owner, KSTP in Minnesota, the ABC affiliate, called me out of the blue. One of the same stations, they were actually the station that said, not a chance to my face. Um called me out of the blue and said, uh, you know, we've been keeping tabs on you. We have this investigative producer job open. It's not on camera, it's behind the scenes. You'll be writing and shaping stories for other people. But if you want this job, we'd like to offer it to you. And I'm like, huh. You know, what's the difference now versus three years ago when nobody would touch me? Well, I'm sober. And I've done the work and I put in the effort and I I continue to do the work. And, you know, I've humbled myself and I I jumped. I was like, this is this is my lifeline. I've got to take it, you know. I I've got and I want to take it. And and it's right up my alley. And uh and Hubbard Broadcasting, which owns that station, they're they're pretty well known for hiring people in recovery, you know. Not known for hiring drunks, but if you get in recovery and you work the program, you know, they'll give you a shot. And so they did, they gave me a shot, you know, and but they had some rules that I had to abide by and which I was happy to do, you know, random testing, all sorts of things. Um, and I was able to slowly but surely kind of work my way back in, regain my credibility, my self-respect. Um, you know, I was I was scared to go back in the newsroom though, because you know, news people, we talk, you know, we we chatter like everybody else. And uh, but my first week back, almost all my colleagues would come up and ask me, you know, are you sober? Are you how do you feel? Are you scared? I'm like, well, yeah, I'm kind of scared. I mean, you know, we know how the public can be with anonymous emails, you know, ruthless. And um, but you know, I promised my bosses that you take this chance on me, and I never use the word you won't be disappointed. I don't believe in that. I told them, I will make you proud. I'll make you proud that you did this move. I'm doing this for you, and I'm doing this for me. And so I just, yeah, I'm tunnel vision, I'm setting the course, and I started uh doing what I do, and over time, um, you know, breaking news happens all the time, right? And just one day when all of our reporters happened to be out of the building on their own assignments, and there was a big breaking news story, and they looked at me, you know, and they're like, You ready? And I said, Let's go. And that was, I just got chill saying it. You know, I was ready. I was ready to do what I'd spent 30 years doing. It was the love of my life. And I I was so grateful to even be back that they gave me that shot. And so I was able to get back into TV News. And, you know, I had a pretty good career before the first runaround. Um, you know, I I didn't have the perfect life. I wasn't rich, but I'm like everyone in America, the bills were getting paid, life was all right. And uh as good as my life was then, it was exponentially better the second time around, you know, because I was living a clean life and I had my brain back, and and I wanted to make my bosses proud.

Consequences, Job Loss, And Hitting Bottom

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Hey, it's me, Shelby. Have you ever wondered what's really happening in your brain during recovery? Are you ready to take control of your anxiety, sleep better, and finally feel focused and confident? I want to introduce you to a game changer that's transforming women's recovery. Remote neurofeedback therapy. I want you to think of this as a personal trainer for your brain. It's helping you build new neuropathways right from the comfort of your own home. So if you're dealing with anxiety that just won't quit, if you have ADHD that's making life chaotic, or sleep issues that leave you exhausted, neurofeedback could be your missing piece. It's science-backed brain training that works with your natural healing process, helping you regulate emotions and build lasting confidence. The best part is you don't need to add another appointment to your busy schedule. My remote neurofeedback program brings professional guidance and support right to your living room. Do you want to learn more about neurofeedback therapy? You can go to my website, www.shelbyjohn.com, to download my free guide, is neurofeedback right for you? Together we'll create the calm, confident future you that you deserve. That's www.shelbyjohn.com. Take the first step towards training your brain for lasting change. Wow, Beth, thank you so much for sharing all that. And so honestly and vulnerably, truly, you know, when we share our stories in whatever way we choose to do it, it's such a vulnerable moment, you know, but it is truly how it works. Like this is definitely how it works when we spread the message of hope. Because as long as we're alive, you know, there is always hope for any of us, for anything, you know, and it's very difficult to see that when you're in the depths of the pit, you know, when you've when you've been hammered and hammered and hammered by life, you know, that even in the beginning, when you're talking about, you know, like your mom and then your stepdad, and then, you know, the thing, you know, it's like, gosh, just keep coming, you know. And some seasons of life are really like that. You know, we just keep getting kicked when we're down. Um, and then one of the things that I really love about your story and listening to you share it is just the perseverance, because not everybody does get up. You know, I think that we think that we're like, oh, well, they had that problem with like you just, you know, you did the thing, you know, you just got up and whatever did the thing. Well, but everybody doesn't do that. And I try to share that as often as I can, particularly in my work with clients and things, because so often they think like they're the only one, right? Or that they can never change. I just had a client, actually, I was thinking about her the entire time you were talking, totally different story, completely different, but so similar, you know, just can't see a way out, like can't see, you know, and she's lost all of her friends, she's embarrassed herself, she's done this. And I and I said to her today literally today, I said, you know, um, I think it would you be willing to consider that there will be a new you, there'll be a new person. You're not, we're not going back to uh the old you, because she'll say, Oh, I wish I could get my old, I wish I could feel the way I used to, or be my old self. But I'm like, that old self doesn't exist anymore. Time has passed, things have gone on. We're building a new self. And that is the hope that we get in recovery. And whether it's recovery from substance abuse, whether we decide to become courageous enough to do the trauma work or whatever we decide to do, there the hope on the other side of that is powerful.

Humility, Treatment, And Starting Over

SPEAKER_00 28:51

And it's so powerful. And you know, when you strip people of hope, what's the reason to live? You know, because you and you do when you're in it and you're raw and you can't see outside yourself, um, and you're like, there is no way that I'm gonna come out of this, there's just no way. And so that really is also one of the motivators about why I started writing the book back in the day. Um, you know, also I was on house arrest for 37 days, and uh, that's a lot of time to be up in your head, you know. And I've been a reporter and a journalist my entire life, and so I'm a writer and I always write my own stories. And honestly, I started for therapeutic reasons to sit down at the computer and just like get the yuck inside of me out. And um, so I started writing for that reason, but as I kept going then, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I have all these things that I've learned from the medical experts and the therapist and the trauma and the EMDR people that I've worked with. And you know, you can't go through all of this and not have some sort of takeaway. And you know, and we in recovery or addiction, um, we don't listen to people who haven't been where we've been, right? Because they don't know generally don't. We will tend to believe, you know, we need to hear from someone who's been through the fire, like we have. Like, okay, you've been through the fire. What worked for you? You know, we all want to hear what works for you. Because even if you have cancer, chemo doesn't work for everybody, you know. Uh, so you got to figure out what works for you. And as I was putting all of these chapters and stories together, you know, I'm like, there's some pretty good takeaway here that maybe the things that I've learned will resonate with other people. And whether it's, you know, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex, um, relationships, domestic violence, you know, whatever people trying to recovery, regret, reinvent. Um, there's there's takeaway from my story. They might be able to see themselves in my struggle, in my surrender, because you have to surrender, and then in the strength. And so that's really, you know, why I started to become public about this. And this is important too, you know, the judge in my case, who was supposed to throw the book at me. Um, when I did finally make it to my court hearing, and there's a whole bunch of surreal stories that I share that happened in jail, you know, outside of going to the court hearing, um, that are very, very um eye-opening. Um, so I go to the judge, the prosecutor wanted me to go to state prison for 90 days. Of course, I was horrified, you know. Um, and she stated in court, you know, given the high nature, the high profile nature of my job and me, um, that, you know, she thought this was an appropriate punishment because she could send a message to many people. And I don't blame her. If I were her, I would have done the same thing. I mean, she's doing her job, you know, and I have not one but two DUI, so that qualifies me for a state prison at this point. Um, you know, but I was horrified, and I'm like, you know, like I don't at least I'll have a place to live for 90 days. Uh but the judge said, um, you know, I uh I'd like to see you in my chambers privately. And I thought, well, really bad days about to get a whole bunch worse. So I go into his chambers and he was standing there though with his arms out like this to hug me. And that was the first moment of mercy or compassion that I'd been given in any of this. And I didn't expect it from anyone because I'm fully aware that all this is self-imposed, and I did this to people that didn't do it to me. And I accept all of that and I own it. Uh and he said, you know, I've watched everything you've done to try and get sober and some steps you're taking before you even got to the hearing. Um, and he said, When your name first appeared on my docket, you know, he said, I knew you'd be in my courtroom here one day. And he goes, It's really unpleasant, isn't it? I'm like, you know, I just fell apart. And he goes, Well, I want you to know I'm not gonna send you to state prison. You will have consequences. And I did spend two weekends in jail, and then a third weekend at uh the workhouse, which is a labor camp in Minnesota, and uh, you know, and then the incredible fines and the house arrest and random drug testing at will, middle of the night, weekends, whatever, they could stop by any time. Um, he said, and here's why I'm not gonna send you to state prison, though. Before your hearing today, he said, I went to my meeting and I got my 20-year chip.

SPEAKER_01 33:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

And uh he said, So I know you can overcome this. You know, I've done it. And when you hear someone say they could do it, you're like, okay, all right, you know, pep talk. And um, he said, but I asked one thing of you when the day comes and you're on the other side of this, pay it forward.

unknown 33:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

So that's part of what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

I love that. And I I I've heard stories similar to that. Um, and I've experienced it a little bit mys a little bit myself too, um, so often, you know, like because people who are very much like us or in recovery, they show up all over our lives, you know, it's all over our lives, unexpected, and um so much more grace and compassion can be given in those ways, which I I love that. And um, I think that when when people are open though, I I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's uh an energy thing or you know, a spiritual component or or both. Um, but when people are kind of open-minded and open-hearted to what is going on with them, like what they have done and been through. And when even if without their words, they are acting as if or showing or doing that they understand their part in it, right? They understand their part in it and they're taking some responsibility for that, right? I mean, it might be very, you know, minimal at first, because we have to learn how to do that. But I feel like there's a something about that. Maybe you can, maybe you know or you can speak to this, there's a something about that difference where somebody has some of that in them, and then others can kind of feel it. I do, it's probably an energetic experience, right? That other people can feel that, or there's a knowing um to others around us that that is the case versus somebody who's like kind of stuck in uh in self, unwilling, they're gonna just keep doing what they want to do. They're they don't think that they have a problem, they're not ready, or they didn't think they hurt anybody, they're only hurting themselves, whatever they say, you know, um, don't want to go through those motions of taking personal responsibility. Like I just think there's a difference. And um, I'm just not sure if you've ever had like experience or you you know about that or can speak to it at all.

Building A Doggy Daycare From Nothing

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah, you know, I can, and I'll tell you uh one story that's included in the book, um, which is when I went to jail and I was put in a cell with a woman who was also having a very bad day, like myself, you know. And what do you talk about when you're in there? And uh, you know, what'd you do? How'd you get here? Are you in trouble? You know, you're gonna lose your job. And uh, and she said she, you know, was pretty upset. And she was like, Yeah, I got a DUI. I'm thinking I'm probably gonna get fired. And I said, Really? Why? And she goes, Well, it's my second DUI. And I'm like, okay, well, that's you know, that's that's starting to get up there, right? Now it's it's start, it's a thing. And um, and I was like, Well, you know, where do you work? Because I was still, you know, problem-solving reporter me. Like, let me at least make her life better. Um, and I'm not gonna say the organization or her name, obviously, uh, but it was an organization that campaigns against drinking and driving, you know, and she was a vice president of said organization. You know, any other day might have been a story in my world, um, you know, of just how someone in that position is putting other people's lives at risk. Uh, but here I was sitting in jail with her because I put people's lives at risk, you know. So we were one and the same. And, you know, I'm like, it's just such an equal opportunity, disease and such a taker. Alcohol takes, takes, takes. And, you know, those were a couple of very profound things that happened along the way. And yeah, you, you know, you see people, and I was in denial for a long time. You know, I was in denial and I own that. But I look at it too like, okay, well, you know, I kept hiding behind my lies in my denial, and look where it got me in in the worst place of my life. So, you know, Beth McDonough, pull up your bootstraps. You know, you've asked people a lot of hard questions in your career. Sorry, my dog is like moving around in the background. Um, anyway, I apologize for that. But I'm like, you know what? You've asked yourself a lot of you asked other people hard questions, and now you got to answer them. And actions have consequences. And I am a big believer in accountability, you know. So I I owned it and I took my lumps because I caused them. And I I think that is so incredibly helpful. And when I work with um, you know, alcoholics are people who come to me for help or ask me to be their sponsor, you know, and they're like, okay, don't tell my husband that I don't want work to know, and I don't want, and I'm like, oh no, no, no, no. That's not that's not how we're gonna work together. Um, because I've seen that. And people who are still hiding and you know, because the shame, the stigma, whatever, they don't want people to know that they are an alcoholic or they're labeled. People need to know you're an alcoholic to support you. You know, they can't support what they don't know. And so if you want help from around, and people will help people who help themselves, you know, if you want the support and and taking someone's offer, like my boss offered to send me to treatment the first time, you know. Um it's so incredibly important to take that help because it doesn't make you weak, it amplifies the resources that come your way.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

I totally, yeah, I mean, I totally agree with that. And when you were sharing your story, just kind of listening to the different steps, you know, here you were out of a home, you know, you and like you're trying to, you know, you went to your neighbors. I mean, so there's a real, there's a real, I think it's like a personal quality um about um that like there's that that's different than some of our fellows. And so I'm kind of wondering, like, where did that come from? Is that something you've always had? Because maybe you had that even in active addiction, or maybe not. Is it something that you can kind of pinpoint now, like through your recovery, you can see, like, oh, this is where this came from? Um, like, why were you able to just keep trying, like keep getting because not like again, because not everybody does that, you know, because people are like, oh, I didn't have a choice. I'm like, no, that's not actually true. We all have choices. Some people choose to stay in the bed and never get out. Some people choose to end their lives, some people choose to get up and get out. Like, there's a lot of we all have choices. I don't care what we think. It seems impossible, but so but so I'm wondering for you, like why were you able to just keep trying in the worst moments of your life, you know? Why and then start a business and then keep trying that, you know, because that doesn't just happen for everybody. So I'm just curious if you know.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

I think because I dropped such an explosive atomic bomb in my life. And it was my fault. There's no one to blame. You know, I couldn't point to someone else that, you know, oh, this was done to me, or I was wronged, or blah, blah, blah. No, you know, I was the wrongdoer, and the consequences were were so um punitive, and they're supposed to be. Uh, you know, that's the point of consequences, right? Um, it was so harmful or it hurt, it hurt enough. That's what I want to say. All of the consequences and the public backlash and all of it hurt enough, you know, with the second one, because the first one there was a little blurb. I got in a little trouble, I was able to keep my job. So I think it was the uh, you know, um, I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing at that time. But when it hurts badly enough, you know, you don't want to put your hand back on the stove if you've done that before. Right. And you look in the mirror, and I'm like, well, I did this myself. You know, it's up to me to to get up and get going. And when it hurts that bad, you don't ever want to go through it again.

A Second Chance Back In News

SPEAKER_02 41:38

I guess what I'm saying too, and I totally agree with you, and I and I can I've experienced that too, and I also bel feel that and believe it. However, you know, there are, and you probably know some of them, and if you've been around the rooms of AA for long enough or in life, you know, like there are many people who could have had the exact same scenario as you, like the same stuff, but that yet they say things like, Well, if I hadn't had if I hadn't gone through this divorce, you know, you mentioned EMDR and your trauma. If my mom hadn't have been, I'm making this up, if she hadn't have been abusive, if my uncle hadn't have sexually abused me when I was five. I mean, there's like people latch on to these kinds of things, right? And they become the narrative that keeps them away from being able to persevere towards the things that you were able to do in your life. So I know at your at the age you were, you were an adult woman who uh you've lived through some stuff, right? You've had some pain and some things happen in your life that you could have easily blamed. You said I had no one to blame. Well, that's just not true either. You definitely could have found some things, but I'm just curious about why why you think that might have been different for you? What about you that was different than our fellows who constantly do want to say, well, it's this, it's this, it's this.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

You know, I think it's my wiring, um, in that, you know, as a reporter, I I truly tried to help other people solve their problems. So I'm kind of a problem solver anyway. And um, you know, my wiring, I have been pretty, my mom would have said, you know, I have tunnel vision for most of my life. Like I once I lock on to something, you know, we're going, we're going there. Uh case in point, I used to run marathons and I blew out my back in the Chicago marathon at mile 19, and I still finished that race. Then I went to go get my surgery, you know, to get my my back repaired. So I I it's kind of my wiring, and I know what you're talking about because you know, I I've had some sponsees and people that I've worked with, and they kind of get stuck in the trauma bond. You know, I see that where they're they're stuck in the sickness, and it's a lot of work to get to the other side. You know, there's no fast forward button in recovery, and you actually have to sit down and break it all, including break yourself down. Put all your gunk out there and uh A look at it, and I did. I took a look at it, and I'm like, She's not even someone I would want to know. Like, we, you know, we gotta fix this. This is, and I don't want to live my life like that. That's not what I hoped I would grow up to be and do. So, you know, what's the Dr. Phil statement? Uh, how's that working for you?

SPEAKER_01 44:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

So I kind of looked at, you know, okay, how'd alcohol work for me? Well, it didn't, it blew up my life, you know, and I'm the I'm the co-conspirator and blowing up my life. So, okay, I had to reframe it in my brain too, you know, because there was a time when going out and partying was fun. So now I had to reframe it of for me, alcohol is poison. I look at it as the enemy, you know, I look at it as something that helped to destroy this life that I worked so hard to build. And and that's not okay to me. So I need to remedy this. I've got to summon up my internal fortitude and um and start to lay brick after brick of a new foundation because I I looked at what all I'd done and you know, I I didn't enjoy that. So I wanted to switch it and make amends, you know, live by example, honestly. And when I talk with people and they they are stuck. And I just even went to a meeting on Monday and a couple of folks were stuck, and I'm like, it's the stuck is temporary. Like, you know, this this can't be how you want to live the rest of your life. It can't be, right? Look look at all the stuff that's going wrong and everything that's happening in your life. So if you don't want to keep doing that, well, you've got to do something different. What do they tell you in business? You know, if you're not making money, change what you're doing, you know. Do you've got to do something different? And I was never a quitter, you know, i.e. the marathon story, which is great professionally, though, as a reporter, really good. And that is appraised quality. Personally, not so good, you know. When you gotta quit something, you gotta quit it. Um, but I had to, you know, because alcohol just kept taking and taking and taking and taking, and it ran its course with me. And I I wanted a better life than what I currently had because of alcohol. And if you want something, you know, whatever it is, a purse, a relationship, a job, or whatever, you're gonna do whatever it takes to get what you want, or you're certainly gonna try. And I wanted sobriety enough to do whatever it took.

Accountability, Ownership, And Support

SPEAKER_02 46:32

Yeah, I think I say that a lot too. That um, you know, we all we as human beings are not wired for discomfort, really. And so we only do what we want to do. Um, now, of course, there's lots of things in life that we have to do that we don't like. I don't like doing laundry, I don't really like, I mean, there's a lot of things I don't want to do, but we do them because we know whatever that we need to, but we really aren't gonna do the things that we're not gonna be naturally um inclined to do things we don't want to do. So, yeah, so then it makes sense to then make the correlation, like if I want this, so I talk about um this all the time. Like, I have somebody in my life, you know, who constantly for many years over decades has talked about weight, you know, I want to lose weight. And there's always like, you know, what are you doing? Or how do you, and I've and I have a, you know, like a second master's degree in natural wellness. I've studied health and nutrition as part of my practice for the last 15 or 17 years. Um, and so I'm not an expert, but like I do know a thing or two. And so I'll say, hey, you know, why don't we take a look at this? Or you could try this. And they're like, oh, okay, cool. And then like they don't do it, right? And so then it goes on and on and on and on, and it's decades, right? And so they could keep saying, oh man, you know, I want to lose weight or whatever. And like they would say, you know, how are you doing that or whatever? And I would, you know, I would always say it until I got to the point kind of where I was like, wow, I think I'm contributing to the problem here, or or I'm not sure what the problem is. So I tried a different approach and I finally said, like, you know, hey, um, a lot of times when we say we want a thing, right? We want this thing, and it takes this level of work, right? You have to work at this level. Um, but like you're not. So you're not working at that level. So then you don't get the thing. So like, so then you have to maybe take a step back and decide, is this something I really do want? I'm saying I want this. I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy, I'm saying that, but I'm not doing the things that I that are necessary. So then then the the only question left to ask is, is do I really want that? And then really dig in. Is this something I really want? Because if I did, I probably would do whatever it takes. Um and go to any lengths. So it might not be something that I want. And that that could be okay too. You know, it could be like, you know what, actually I don't want that. And so then let's work on how can we accept that? How can we just accept our body or ourself or our health for what it is right now? Because that's that's actually what we're what we are. And so instead of constantly being in this cycle of looking for this thing that we say we want to do, but we're not willing to do it, um, let's put the narrative where it is, the reality. And I feel like that is um not said enough uh in our society because, you know, and we all do this, you know, people sit on barstools or in restaurants or by the pool and talk all the time about how I want to run a marathon or I want to do this, or I want to do this or that. And you're like, cool, cool, you know, like and those people who really do want to do that, they probably will take action towards that. Um, and then other people will make excuses, you know, and they'll say, Oh, well, I can do this. Oh, well, I didn't have, you know, I have bad knees, or oh, you know, my mother died. It's hard. Yeah, or whatever. No, they usually don't even say that it's hard because then that would be admitting that that's I feel like that's something then becomes about them. Like it's say they're saying it's hard. You know what I mean? It's more like I think we find excuses, these things, these life events, which as we've already established, happen to all of us, you know, because I say all the time life is pretty uncomfortable for all of us. It's like it's mostly uncomfortable. There are some glimmers of joy and there's some times of of joy and happiness, but most of it is pretty uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

Uh, you know, and that's life. Yeah, yeah, it's life, and it's how you navigate your way through it. And you're you're right, it's hugely disheartening um when people use the excuses more, you know, because now I mean in society, everything we've gone through, I think people have never been more open than now to messy stories. Like life is messy, you know, and it's hard, and it's all that stuff. And if you really want to get better, you're you're gonna have to put in some effort. You know, it's not gonna come to you, you're gonna have to put in the effort and and be honest with yourself, own up to your role in it, and then you know, listen to the experts, follow their lead on what can help get you from here to there.

Mercy From The Judge And Paying It Forward

SPEAKER_02 50:59

And I love what you said before about compassion. That's been a word that's been a main focus of mine for this past year. I mean, I uh obviously as a mental health professional, it's a big part of my um work and training, but there's been some very specific um research actually being done in the mental health substance abuse field around compassion, which I literally just became aware of um very recently. And it is um really cool. And so I've kind of latched onto this concept and really diving in. What does that even mean? Like I think I know what compassion means, but like what does it mean? Like, what does that look like? You know, and um what I've been discovering has been so fun because um I think the woman who was trying to just describe to me her, she was the researcher, she runs a treatment facility in our area, it's a pretty famous um rehab in our community, and she just got her PhD and this was her thesis. And I was like, I don't like why, what, what? And she said, well, because she looked at based, she was looking at people who work in inpatient um facilities, was specifically the substance abuse. It's a big job, it's a big, huge job, and it's not for everybody. And where we came from back in the 80s and 90s was very not compassionate, right? You know, we were labeling people like crazy, they were wearing signs like I'm alcoholic, like just different things. It wasn't very nice, you know. And so what she's learned is is the compassion actually can go both ways too. Like the workers need to be shown that from their employers, obviously, and then they need to be able to give that to their to their the to their patients, who are some of the most difficult people in of all that we can work with, you know, they're being cussed at, pushed around, probably, you know, like talked negatively to. But being able to look them in the eye and call them by their name, like, hey Beth, it looks like you're having a really hard time right now, you know, or like, oh, you know, um, we don't need to label. We don't, I mean, we can, I mean, sometimes labels are helpful and important, and some people like that, but we can also just treat people like humans. And so I that that focus that you shared about how people have shown you that compassion is something that we see, I think, in the recovery world more than any other place in the whole world. And I love that part about it so so much. And I wish we could take that out into the, I mean, we do, we do, we take it out into the world. But I wish everybody, like my second sponsor said one time, you know, she would say all the time, I wish everybody would get drunk and lose everything so they could come to AA, because then they would have a design for a living that really works, right? Everybody gets the benefit of all the things that we have, but being able to go out into the world and look at people, even people who are hateful to you or mean or or just opposite, you know, or we live in a society now that's constantly at unrest, you know, we just be just for differing beliefs, you know, which is so silly. Yeah, you know, and we can say, you know, uh I I love you as a human. You're a human being on this earth, and you have the same body parts that I do, and you live here and America, and you know, you deserve compassion and respect. And also there are consequences for our actions.

SPEAKER_00 54:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 54:05

So both things need to be true at all times, and people don't, I don't think, really understand that a lot. And so we can love you and love on you and treat you with respect and also send you to jail. You know, yeah. We can love on you and treat you with respect and use your name and get you the help you need, and also um take your kids, you know, there's a lot of stuff that goes on like that, and that's very compassionate, but people don't see it that way, of course, because it feels yucky, but that's what needs to happen. The accountability piece has to be there at all times, or else you can't grow.

SPEAKER_00 54:42

Right. And and you grow from what you go through, right? Yes, and you know, the judge, he made such a profound, yes, profound impact on the direction I would go next.

SPEAKER_02 54:55

Yeah, he did, and thank God for that, right? And there are lots of that, you know, and sometimes they reveal themselves in that way, or sometimes maybe they are not in recovery, or maybe they are closely related to it, maybe they were raised by one, maybe they were married to one, you know, we don't know, or they're just they learned compassion in a different way. They're working on their own trauma, but you know, that is, I believe, you know, the easier, softer way, and probably the biggest solution to all of our problems in the world is just extending some compassion that's held with accountability. And I don't understand why this is such a hard concept for a lot of people, but it appears that it is. So right, you know, I agree with you on that. Yeah, it's it's uh perplexing. So, um, where do you like people to get a hold of you if they want to get in touch and kind of learn more about your work?

SPEAKER_00 55:43

Yeah, so um a few different areas. Uh so the book is available anywhere books are sold. So uh Standby is on Amazon, Barnes and Noble. Just this week it came out on Kindle. Yes, and there's I know some people like ebooks. Um, I have an author's website as well, uh, which has a whole bunch of uh different things about me on it, which is www.bethmcdmedia.com. Um, and so they can go there as well. And uh yeah, I just think it's really important to continue to speak out and build a bridge between, you know, me and my message and others that includes going talking with you, you know, because sometimes being a reporter, I've never been in sales. So for me to kind of, you know, pitch a book is a little uncomfortable, frankly. But I've had to also learn to reframe that of, you know, it's not about selling the books, it is about getting the message out there. And this is building the bridge to the people who it might resonate with, who need it, uh, you know, that okay, you've lived on the dark side, let's, you know, let's come across the bridge, let's come over here and let me show you some steps to take to get over here. And for for women in particular, you and I, and you may be aware of this, but I didn't know this um until I went to treatment, which also explains something else, like alcoholism ran in my family. So I was prone, you know, genetically uh hardwired. But also my friends used to say when we would go out, like I would have one drink and I went from zero to 100. And you're like, why? And I'm like, I don't, you know, I I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 57:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:22

Um, well, I go to treatment then, and you learn that women are 30% more susceptible to the inebriating effects of alcohol versus men, because we women have more fat on our bodies um and less water and less of an enzyme to break the alcohol down. Well, men have more water in their bodies, alcohol dissolves in water, you know. So we women are predisposed. We have some unique risks when it comes to alcohol, you know, even in the beginning. And uh, so I wanted to make sure I got that out because you know, you could see a man and woman at a dinner table having the same drinks, and it's gonna affect the woman much more. The intoxicating effects are gonna be much more pronounced.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

Yeah, you're so right. And they get taken out a lot faster because of our health structure and our composition. So um, it is important, and that's how it works. Like I said earlier, you know, we spread the message of hope so other people can know they're not alone and so they can read stories that sound similar to them or they can relate to the feelings and they can change their lives too. And so thank you so much for your work on that. I'll make sure I link it all in the show notes below. And uh, I hope our paths cross again soon. This was super fun.

SPEAKER_00 58:33

Me too. I agree with you. And uh, you obviously know what you're talking about. You're very good. And so I so appreciate it because people will listen to the people who know, you know. Um, and you are doing great work as well. So I would love to talk with you again in the future.

SPEAKER_02 58:48

Oh, thank you. Well, thanks again for your time and your talent and your message. And um, I hope you have a fantastic day. Okay, thank you. You too. Okay, bye-bye, Shelby. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of Confident Sober Women. If you enjoyed this conversation, hit the subscribe button above so you won't miss any upcoming episodes. And hey, if you really loved it, leave me a review. You can learn more about the Sober Freedom Inner Circle membership at www.shelbyjohncoaching.com forward slash inner circle. See you next time.