Losing Everything and Finding Your Voice with Sarah Barnes Humphrey

In this episode of Confident Sober Women, Shelby sits down with entrepreneur, podcast host, and author Sarah Barnes Humphrey for a conversation about identity, resilience, and rebuilding life after everything falls apart.

Sarah shares the story of what she calls the worst day of her life. Just days before her 37th birthday, her family’s logistics company suddenly closed, leaving her without the career path she had spent nearly two decades building. What followed was a period of grief, uncertainty, and deep reflection about self-worth, purpose, and what comes next.

Sarah talks about the emotional reality of starting over and the messy middle that many women experience when life does not go according to plan. Through that process, she began to redefine success, rebuild her confidence, and eventually grow the podcast and platform that she leads today.

Shelby and Sarah explore how experiences like loss, career shifts, and personal setbacks can challenge our sense of identity but also create space for growth and emotional healing.

If you are navigating change, rebuilding confidence, or exploring life after alcohol, this conversation offers a grounded look at resilience and the power of finding your voice.

In this episode you will hear:

• How losing her family business forced Sarah to rebuild her identity
 • The emotional impact of sudden career and life changes
 • How self-worth can shift during difficult life transitions
 • The reality of entrepreneurship and the “messy middle” of growth
 • Why healing work and self-reflection matter for women in recovery

This episode speaks to many women on a sobriety journey or navigating life after alcohol, where personal growth often requires rebuilding confidence, addressing mental health and sobriety, and learning how to move forward after difficult experiences.

About the Host

Shelby John is a licensed therapist and founder of Wholistic Living. Through the Confident Sober Women podcast, she explores sobriety, emotional healing, nervous system health, and personal growth for women who are building lives rooted in clarity, confidence, and true freedom.

Connect with Shelby

Website
 https://shelbyjohn.com

Podcast
 Confident Sober Women

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Well, hey there, sober ladies. Thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women Podcast. Today I have a fun conversation with my friend Sarah Barnes Humphrey. She is a fierce storyteller and entrepreneur. She's an advocate for self-worth and she is a best-selling author. She's best known as the founder of the Let's Talk Supply Chain podcast. And also for her new book, which you can get on Amazon. It's called I Buried Her in a French Press, a memoir about finding my voice and the power of being heard. Sarah and I have a very light and fun conversation about the book, about her work, but she also shares some very emotional and touching experiences she had in what she calls the worst day of her life, when things kind of fell all around her, when her life completely kind of imploded. And she had to really find her way in a completely new way, like a new path. And in that she, you know, her own reflection on identity, on loss, on self-worth, resilience. We talk about all of those things in this conversation. And she's really a breath of fresh air. And I know all of you are gonna enjoy hearing from her, hearing her her story, hearing about how she learned to deal with overwhelm stress and anxiety, and reading her book. So grab your big glass of water or your favorite mocktail and listen to this week's episode with Sarah Barnes Humphrey. Welcome to Confident Sober Women. I'm your host, Shelby John, a licensed therapist and founder of Holistic Living. This is a space for women who are elevating their lives and choosing clarity over chaos, confidence over coping, and real freedom over short-term relief. And we all know that alcohol and drugs were never the glue that was keeping us together. They were just a temporary escape. Together we explore sobriety, mental health, nervous system healing, and personal development. We uncover the truth, heal beneath the surface, and build lives we don't want to escape from. Well, hey there, Sarah. Thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women Podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. Um, I'm gonna let you share a little bit more about your story now, and then we're gonna chat.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Awesome. Shelby, thank you so much for having me on your show and congratulations on all your success. It's not easy to have a show, especially, you know, with all the editing and all the things that that go into it that most people don't realize. So I just want to give you some kudos on that. And I appreciate you for having me on the show. I mean, my journey um started a long time ago. I've been in logistics and supply chain for about 25 years. My dad owned a logistics company, so it was a family business, went straight into that business and worked there for about 20 years. And back in 2016, I started my podcast. And it was kind of around the time where people were only just getting into podcasts. Um, marketing and supply chain was not very good. I was director of sales and marketing at that point, and I was like, we need to be able to tell our brand story, which I think is, you know, kind of the starting point for a lot of people with podcasts and things like that too. So I asked a gentleman from my customs department to be my co-host, and tongue in cheek, we called it Two Babes Talk Supply Chain because I wanted to see how far we could push the industry and see, you know, what people would accept and what they wouldn't accept and all that kind of stuff. Um, but literally almost, I think it was just over a year later, it was 10 days before my 37th birthday. Um, my dad ended up closing his doors. And I was out on my butt with because I I don't know if we can swear in this one. I was out on my butt with nowhere to go. I had no team, I had no co-host. Um, but I had people paying to come on the show. And so I was like, okay, I've got an obligation here. I've lost everything. I don't feel like getting out up out of bed, but I have an obligation to these people who have paid to keep it going and to figure this out. So I had to learn graphic design, social media, website design, you name it, had to do all of that. And then in January 2018, I started the Woman in Supply Chain series on the podcast. And by April, no women would come on a show called Two Bays Talk Supply Chain. So I had to rebrand it. Um, and I rebranded it within a week, craziest week of my life, to Let's Talk Supply Chain. Um, fast forward from there, you know, I now have a team of almost 18 people. We create a lot of digital content within the supply chain community. And we now have a second podcast called Blended, which is about inclusion in the workplace and a nonprofit that gives grants so that we can cover travel expenses to see more inclusion on industry stages. So lots have like developed since then. And then I think, you know, when it comes to my personal brand, I just released a book and that was a whole journey on its own because I went to a workshop and they were like, your personal brand needs to be about one word. And I was like, I have no idea what that's gonna be. But I also didn't want to be a supply chain expert, so that kind of was the beginning of the trajectory of me talking about self-worth and the book being about my relationship with self-worth. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing all that, and that is quite a journey. I must admit, I don't know much about supply chain, so that's definitely not my area, but I certainly do understand and appreciate uh the kind of perseverance and blood, sweat, and tears and stick to it-eness that it takes to build a business and to be an entrepreneur because it is not for the faint of heart. Um the emotional roller coaster that happens when you're trying really when anybody's trying to do anything, let's face it, right? You've written a book, so you now you've done that. Like if you're an artist and you're doing creative work, if you're a chef and you're trying to get a five-star restaurant, I don't know, whatever you're trying to do, it's very it's hard. Nothing worth doing is easy. And so, but I think entrepreneurship has its own kind of unique area, right? Because you just are on your own. Like, even if you have a team, like you're still so responsible for so many things, and you're you're also the one that was responsible for you know giving yourself your own kudos, right? You're you're you're giving yourself your pat on the back, you're the one saying, you know, keep going, even then when all arrows seem to be pointing to like don't go, you know, and you're like, but I'm getting this message that says keep going. That's I mean, that's where I was a couple several years ago, you know, and I was like up and down, up and down, and I'm like, how much more can I take? You know, the heart. But you know, it does take a long time. And most people who are successful, what do they say? It takes like seven years or something for things to become, you know, kind of you know at least, yeah, at least. Yeah, and that's a long time to stick with something and talk about self-worth. You know, I mean, I know for sure I've had many times where I was at the bottom of the barrel, even and where I never really didn't think I had self-worth. I mean, when I was an active addiction, for sure in the early stages of recovery, I I know exactly what that looks like. But you know, as I was been sober for a long time, but in build business building, you know, that shows up and you're like, dang, you know, why isn't this working? Or I'm doing all the things that the professionals are telling me to do, and it just isn't taking off. Um make us question our own value, our own, you know, our own purpose, you know, what is all this for? And it makes a lot of people quit.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yeah. Yeah. I actually talk about purpose in the book because I think we get so caught up in the fact that we have to have purpose that it actually diminishes what we're here to do and like to actually enjoy the journey. You know, some of the things that you were talking about, I've had several businesses, right? I think they say you have to have like nine for the tenth one to so there's all these rules, right? You have to have nine for the tenth one to take off. You know, you've got to be doing it for seven to ten years before, you know, you're the overnight success or whatever that looks like. And there's all these things, and then we don't necessarily enjoy the journey, and part of that journey is to try things, and I don't want to use the word fail because fail is so negative, but try things and then they don't work out, but it not working out is not necessarily always the bad thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

No, well, there's the you know, the messy middle, I always call it like you know, if you're here and you want to be here. Um, I think somebody did a really brilliant someone with a PhD, something um did a brilliant uh Instagram reel or something about this, but she was teaching it in a class, a college class, I think. And it's like this in between is the perseverance, you know, that messy middle where you have to decide on a very regular basis. You know, I get up and I show up and I do this thing, and I go and I keep doing it. I get up and show up, and even though all signs are pointing to no, you're still doing it, you know. Even when all the people in your family or your community or your business are saying, you're stupid, why are you doing that? That's never gonna work. You you still have to get up and show up and do the thing. Yeah, that is really hard.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Yeah, it is really hard. And for the first three years of my business, I didn't pay myself and I worked two part-time jobs, right? Like I was a part-time receptionist at a tennis club and I was mopping floors. Like I went from director of sales and marketing to mopping floors, but that job allowed me to work on my business, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:46

I think that's what also is very under um talked about. Like it's definitely not something people really realize. Like, I'm, you know, I'm building my group practice right now. Holistic living is expanded into a group, which is amazing, and it's been awesome. And I've spent, you know, over a year researching how to do that before I even like stepped into to trying things, but um it's it's um a humbling experience in many ways. And I I'm still seeing my own clients. Like I'm seeing my own clients to fund my business. So bring on new clinicians, get them going, working for and with me to serve our community, right? Because yeah, we do have a greater purpose. Our vision is my vision for this practice is humongous, is really to serve people and treat um their their trauma and their mental health in a neurologically based way, um, and heal them below the surface. So we do have very clear, you know, vision, vision, and values. Um, but it takes, yeah, it takes you have to wait. You know, you have to wait.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

You have to have a lot of then you're relying on other people, right? You're bringing other people in, and that can also bring some complexity as well, because they need to be the right people. And just because they don't work out does not mean they're bad people, right?

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Well, that's I meant to say that about the failure piece. Like, yeah, like when you said it's a failure. Um, we I just we we go to church, we're Christian family, and we go to church regularly. And um, the message yesterday was um about consistency, right? And like one of the things that he talked about was um, you know, was failure, like that you have to almost expect it. Like you have to expect this feels like a dirty word, but it is there, but it's doesn't it doesn't actually have to be failure because if you can change your perspective on that, even just slightly, and you might not be there the first minute it happens, but you do need to get there to be able to see like, oh, you were in this messy middle part, this thing didn't work, but then then led you to this, or then you tried this, right? Like you mentioned, and so that so nothing I and I tell my I have young adults, and I always say them too like none of this is one of them was really struggling with like the internship she was gonna choose last year, and she was like, back if I just don't want to choose the wrong one. And I said, Honey, none of them are wrong. No, I don't care if you hate it, it'll still be the right thing for you because now you know you don't like that. Yes, I think exactly none of them are wrong, but she kept so focused on like I just want to choose the wrong one. I'm like, but you're missing it, you're missing the point. None of them will be wrong, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

It just might not be the right one for you, and you'll learn that because you and also in this moment, I mean, you're changing all the time. What you want in your 20s versus what you want in your 30s and your 40s are gonna look completely different, yeah. And that path to get there and that path that you're gonna be on, it's all of these things are pebbles that are gonna build up your character, your resilience, your perseverance, you know, you as a person getting to understand who you are and who you wanna be.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

So, how is that for you? Like, let's show let's talk a little bit about like your your story, that part of your story, you know, right here. You are kind of faced with this big extreme challenge, right? And kind of out of the blue. And so you're you're you're young, you're you're here, you're thought you were going this way, and now you're not. And what did that look like for you? Like, how did that shut that affect your mental health? What did you do about it? Let me let me hear it.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Worst day of my life, yeah. Because like since I was 16, I wanted to take over the company. Like, that's what I thought my trajectory in life was, and I was working towards it, and I was working 12 hour days, and I was trying to prove myself to everybody in the company because of course I'm boss's daughter, right? So you gotta work three times as hard, or you think that you do, right? Um, and I cried that day. I cried, I could not help myself. I was sobbing in the bat boardroom because I had just watched my dad, like, you know, talk to all these people, and all these people were out of a job, and we did everything that we could to try to save it. And um, one of our VPs, I remember, he went around telling everybody that I needed to see a psychiatrist. I needed a therapist because I was crying in that moment on that day. And that obviously did not help. That was like a kick in the butt when you're down, you know what I mean? Um, and so yeah, it was the worst day of my life. I think what helped me was that I had people who had paid to come on the show, and obligation is very important to me. So I really wanted to fulfill that obligation, and so it gave me a reason. I don't know if I want to use the word purpose, but it gave me a reason to get up in the morning. You know, I didn't have a lot to do, but I had a little bit to do. And so instead of sitting on the couch crying, which I did a lot, you know, and trying to figure out for myself what the next path looked like, I had this one tangible thing I could focus on. Um, and it took me eight months to find a job, too. Right? So at the same time that I'm like fulfilling the obligation, I'm trying to go through, and pretty much it was kind of grief, right? Like it had been 20 years of my life, and what I thought my life would look like, I had to, I had to work through all of that. I've had a therapist since my early 20s, so I always had one, and I had one at the time. And so I think between all of that, it really helped me to push through it, but it it took a while.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Yeah, I bet. When when you were faced that in that eight months, you know, like maybe not just that day, but just kind of after that and kind of unpacking it all, you know, where did you how did you uh start to you didn't, I'm sure you didn't identify it at the time, but later. But like when you look back now, where did you see the evidence of lack of self-worth or or what your self-worth was, or even the the idea of that? Where did that show up for you?

SPEAKER_00 15:50

So I think that was just one moment in time. So what I talk about in the book is my relationship with self-worth based on my life experiences. And so that was only one of the experiences. And so my self-worth throughout the years has, you know, gained in clarity and then bottomed out and then came back up where I was able to find my voice in a variety of ways and then bottomed back out again, you know, and I think that really is ideally the journey that most people go on, but we don't talk about it because you know, everybody wants to be like, everything's fine, you know, I'm so confident, I know exactly what I'm doing. And the truth is most of us don't, you know, and so in that moment, I mean, my self-worth was pretty much in the dumps because you know, this thing happened and I felt responsible for it, even though it was not my responsibility. I I there was nothing I could have done differently to make anything any different. And then it was like, well, what the hell am I gonna do with the rest of my life? You know, I'm almost 37 years old, I'm three years from 40, and I'm starting over again, and I have to go find a job, and I've never been on an interview before.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

When you think back on that now, and like like I like how you mentioned that it was just one moment, right? And I totally agree with that. Like we are made up of all of the experiences, and even in my work, you know, we someone might come in with like uh a trauma, a traumatic event, like a recent event, right? Like they they're coming in because there are this accident happened or the situation. And and that's fine, you know, we we obviously can you know talk about that. However, you know, you didn't none of us get here and are dealing with any situation in a vacuum. We have all of this whole life full of experiences, good, bad, ugly, that that informed us up until then. So when you kind of look back on that now, I were you able to see and maybe even in your therapeutic process, like kind of unpack what were those kind of key components, those kind of core experiences and or um beliefs about yourself that you were able to identify from your earlier experiences that like showed up in a big way in that one.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Yeah, I mean, I was triggered in all sorts of different ways, right? There was abandonment because now I was like completely out of my own. There was no comfort blanket, no nothing. Like I had always had side hustles, but then I'd always had my job to fall back on.

unknown 18:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Right now it was like, okay, you need to pull up your socks because you're the only one that we can bet on right now.

unknown 18:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

And I don't know what that looks like. I don't know if you're gonna go find a job. I don't know if you're going to make something out of this business. I don't know what that looks like. But you know, we have to bet on you now, right? My husband had a job at the time. He eventually lost his job during COVID as well. So it was, it was a lot, but there was there was a ton of triggers. And like looking back on it, um there was a way of life for a very long time of how I thought about things, how I saw things, and it completely deconstructed. I had to deconstruct it over a few years once that happened to really find out who I was, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to show up. And it was now my turn to run a business, the way I wanted to run it, and what I wanted it to show up in the world, and how I wanted the business to make an impact in the world. Yeah, you know, and that doesn't happen overnight because I had a lot of healing I had to go through.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

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SPEAKER_00 21:14

Yeah. Um I had to, there was a lot of blame and shame. Uh-huh. There's a lot of blame and shame. Right? Because it's your family, right? And I was looking to be a face in an industry where this just happened. Right? Like that is tough. Because you don't know how you're gonna be perceived, you don't know how they're gonna take it, you don't know if anybody's gonna listen to you because you know. But what I realized after some time was this was just a blip. It was just a blip. It was a very, very massive event for a lot of people. It was a small group of people.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

So what helped you to get there? I know you mentioned therapy and obviously you know a big fan of that. I always recommend people find some outside help and um specifically some of the you know more modern day approaches that really um can tap into uh different parts of the brain work. Um but what what did you do and like continue to do? And like what are some of the things that the takeaways from that process now that you've literally utilizing your life, you know, every day to kind of help you?

SPEAKER_00 22:25

What didn't I do? What didn't I do? I've tried everything. I'm kind of the person where I'd like to try different methods and then see if it works for me or not. At least if it doesn't work, then like you said earlier, I know that it doesn't work for me and this is not something I want to pursue. Sure. Um, so I did I did therapy, I did some hypnotherapy as well. Um, I did some uh intuitive healing, went to a medium, uh, some energy healing. So I'm you know, I'm I'm very spiritual as well. And so I do believe in a lot of those things too. And so I've tried a bunch of that. Um, and I've had some amazing sessions that really put things into perspective for me. One example I share in the book is that I went to an energy healer that was uh recommended to me. It was recommended to me, and then I don't think I went to her for like a whole year. I like had it written down. I was like, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna, it was not cheap. Like it was she knew her value, right? Like, um, but there was so much clarity I got from that session in the fact that um she told me that my personal life needed to be messy in order for me to create safe space for conversation, which is what I do through my blended podcast, the Let's Talk Supply Chain podcast. That's why for my personal brand, I didn't want to be a supply chain expert. Not a supply chain expert. Right? I'm not necessarily a self-worth expert either, but I but self-worth is tied into the impact and what I do and my superpower in creating safe space for conversation. And so she when she said that, I was like, Yes, okay, so now the messiness and all the things I've been through is actually my superpower and allows me to create that safe space for conversation, helps other people feel seen and heard because I've got the empathy muscle in the fact that I've been through so many things and I'm not gonna tell them what to do, I'm just gonna hear them out.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

I love that so much. And also what's great about what's great about that realization is um that I think secondarily and part of emotional uh maturity really is when we don't even have to share any of that. But it's like an it's like in us and it's it's like more of a vibe thing, an energy thing. So when so it's in us, we are like that, but we um don't have to like share, we can share if we want, but we don't have to share that with everybody we talk to or even anybody for them to kind of feel that from us and to know that we are a safe space for conversation, which I think is such a big part of growth work, you know, and realizing that you know, the a lot of times the less said the better. And so we can become people who are very wise and have lots of life experiences which have given us an incredible amount of wisdom, you know, tolerance and knowledge. Um, but we don't have to be um, we don't really have to share it all. Like we can really just hold space for that and yes a safe person in a safe space and and totally get it and be like, yes, I get that. Yeah. Um that's like another level of of personal growth, which I think a lot of people struggle with because generally as human beings, I think we're just naturally self-centered, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Um, and we there's a lot of things you like some I you don't really want to face. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but like there's some things you just don't want to face. I didn't want to face some of them, but once I understood my triggers, it was a little bit easier to navigate life and be able to communicate. Whether the other person could take it or not is a completely different story because their healing journey is very different to mine. And so once you're on that healing journey and you start to understand more about yourself and where you are versus where other people are, it actually makes it a lot easier to navigate through communication, conversations, life because then you stop taking things so personally and holding it for your like on yourself because most of the stuff isn't yours to carry.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Well, right. And also, you know, there's a real art um skill and I think perspective to being able to be the kind of person who can um sit and receive somebody else's um stuff without feeling the need to like jump in and be like, oh yeah, well, you know, when my grandmother died, I remember how that felt. And you know, it's it was almost like not even relatable. Um, instead of being, you know, able to just be like, wow, that sounds really hard, or man, you must be so sad, or whatever, being able to validate and um see and hear people. It's really all any of us really want, anyway, by the way. Yeah, most of us just want to be seen and heard and validated. Um, but I think a lot of because of the self-centered nature of human beings in general, it takes a lot of like um, I think discipline to not jump in and be like, oh yeah, you know, I know what that's like, you know, or when I was doing, you know, instead of just being like, wow, that's a lot, you know.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. But I and I it's you know, it's hard too, right? Because you're not perfect all the time. And so I do that sometimes. Of course. Yeah, we all do, you know. We jump in and we're like, oh, I know what that feels like because I'm going through this and da-da-da-da-da-da. And then I'm like, oh, wait a second, that moment was not about me. You know what I mean? Totally. But that's the self-awareness that really comes through some of the work and some of the hard work that you have to do because none of this is easy, right? It wasn't easy. There was there was a lot of times where I was questioning myself. I was questioning what I was doing. I was like, you know, what am I doing here? You know, is this the right path for me? Sometimes you've got the wrong people in your life, and you know, that's not working out really well. And so there can be a lot going on at different times of your life. Um, some good, some bad, some ugly, some messy. But again, I think that that's sometimes life, and as long as we don't get too caught up in the negative, which is hard, right? You've got to be self-aware to be able to combat some of those negative thoughts that come in.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

How do you do that? How do you combat the negative thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Man, that's hard. I just went through this, I think when was it? Was it yesterday? I was having a really hard day yesterday. I had a really hard day yesterday. And I got sucked into it, and then other moments of the day, I was like, nope, this is just this is it for me today. This is where I want to live, this is what I want to feel. It's nobody else's. I didn't put it on anybody else. I didn't talk about it. I wrote some stuff down to get it out, but it really wasn't anybody else's responsibility, but mine to like just sit with it and be like, okay, you're like this today. It doesn't mean you have to be like that tomorrow. We're gonna go to sleep like we usually do. We're gonna wake up in the morning and it's a completely different day. But today it's okay. You're feeling angry, fine. As long as you're not taking out on anybody.

unknown 29:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Yeah, I love that. I mean, we talk about this a lot and in the workout that I do too. It's just being able to like acknowledge, like naming things, like being able to name the feeling or the situation, acknowledge that it's happening. And so instead of just being like, Oh, you know, I'm fine, like I'm fine, you know, like, you know, just really being able to become willing to say, like, no, I'm feeling really angry today, actually, or I'm super sad, or I really just I'm grieving, or I'm feeling a lot of anxiety, and I can feel it in my stomach and my body is tight. And you know, being able to really get to the space where you can start to do that for yourself. And we are responsible for that, by the way. You're so right. Like that personal responsibility piece is a huge uh value of mine. Um, and then being able to um name that, acknowledge it, and then and then understand that um the only way to get over it is to go through to go through it and to allow it to be. So we can't just like dismiss it. I mean, sometimes we do numb out, you know, for short periods of time where we're just like, you know what, I just need to like scroll my phone or whatever. We use skill. Um, and and sometimes we just need to cry it out, you know, and and sometimes we don't have a choice, so we have to like go to work, you know, or we have to, you know, deal with the thing. But I think where there is time and space to be able to say, you know what, I'm gonna allow this to happen, you know, for this period of time. You know, I always tell people like use your timers or whatever. Like you might say, you know, I'm gonna kind of cry about this, or I'm gonna complain, you know, for one hour. You know, I'm gonna set my timer, and when the hour's up, I'm gonna move on. You know, I am gonna like put this away, pack it up, and move on, or maybe till tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. We're no longer gonna be wallowing around in this, we're gonna get up, get showered, and go to work, or whatever your day is.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

So I you just reminded me of yesterday. So I was obsessing. Like, you know how you're like in this, you have these things that are happening, right? You have conflict with somebody, or you know, whatever. Anyways, I get a little bit obsessive in my head where I've like have conversations with them because like I want to talk it out or whatever. And so I was obsessing a little bit about this conflict that I have in my life at the moment, and I was I was getting my legs waxed, and I just vented for 45 minutes and I cried a little bit. I don't know if she knew I was crying a little bit because you know it's just out the corner of my eyes. But like that's what yesterday looked like, and then I went to go and visit a family member with my husband, and I knew I wasn't a hundred percent, but that was okay. I sat there and you know, they talked, and I just sort of like sat there and like, you know, put my two cents in where it was time for that to happen. And then, you know, I went home and did did some things that you know I needed to do to just sort of sit there. So there were different moments in that day that I just want to point out. You know, I left the waxing appointment. I was like, damn, like I really vented to this poor woman. You know, and I left and I was like, listen, man, I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. She was like, no, no, it's all good. And so I did, I did what I that happened, you know, I worked through it with her, and then I walked out and I thought, okay, I've had that moment today. Let's work through the rest.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

Right. And I think what's really, really important about what all of it is important, but one of the most um important things that you said is that you know, you didn't leave any wreckage with anybody else, you know, you didn't, you didn't like lash out or um say mean things, or you didn't ignore, you know, the thing you didn't even not go to the family member thing. Like there's there's this, you know, so we have to be mindful about not creating more wreckage, you know, when we are in these moments. Yes, we're allowing ourselves the space. And sometimes we might need to say, you know what, I just can't show up for that today. You know, we can do that with a very respectful, you know, tone and language. Um, and that really matters, you know, that basic that says a lot about our character and who we are. Um, and that also is a lot of self-worth when we're honoring respecting ourselves enough to know like what are we able to do and what are we not able to do today? Yeah, but that's really important when we're managing conflict and communications, and also in when we are sort of stepping into that space of self-worth because we want to be a respectable person that that um doesn't do those things, you know. Now, of course, when we make the mistake, because we all will, you know, we have the ability to circle back and we make amends, you know. We just say absolutely I should have done that better, or I really didn't need to go there. I'm sorry, you know, like that's like always uh available to us. Um we should do that when we make the mistake, but you know, where we can be mature, it's good.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

Yeah, I picked uh a word for this year. I usually pick a word for each year. Yeah, this year for me is a a very different one. It's forgiveness. Oh, nice, and it's like forgiving myself for those moments that you were talking about where you know what, we're going to revert back or we're gonna get triggered, or whatever that looks like. And I want to remind myself that it's okay and that I forgive myself in that moment, right? But then also working on forgiving other people so that I can release some of this stuff too. Yeah, totally, you know, because that's really important and it's so hard. I've been working on it for years. I mean, let's just put it out there because it is not easy.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Well, I don't think and I don't think we ever stop working on this stuff. You know, we're never we don't really arrive in life, you know. We just we're always under construction. And I think as long as we're making that forward progress and we are looking for opportunities to um be better, to learn more, to um to kind of establish new ways of doing things, then then it's a positive and everybody wins. So yeah. So listen, I want to say thank you so much for sharing your your story and your time with us. If people want to get the book or reach out to you, how do you like them to do that?

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Uh go to Amazon and search I buried her in a French press. That is the title of the book. There's nothing else on Amazon that has that title. Nice. Um, Instagram, Sarah Barnes Humphrey. Um, you know, follow me on LinkedIn. We've also got Sarah Barneshumphrey.com. Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Well, again, thank you so much for your time. Um, and I hope our paths cross again. And best of luck with all the the new shows and and the book and and new endeavors and uh keep in touch.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Thanks for having me on the show.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

You're so welcome. This is Shelby John, and thank you for joining me on the Confident Sober Women podcast, where we have conversations with women building lives rooted in clarity, resilience, and freedom. If today's episode resonated with you, be sure to hit subscribe. And if you would, take a few seconds to leave a review and then share it with a woman you know who really needs to hear it. If you're ready for deeper support through therapy, EMDR intensives, or remote neurofeedback at Holistic Living, you can visit our website at holisticliving therapy.com, where we help people rewire their brains for lasting freedom from anxiety, addiction, and trauma. Until next time, uncover the truth, heal beyond the surface, and transform your life. See you next week.