Healing After Loss: Reclaiming Yourself Through Trauma, Boundaries, and Emotional Sobriety

Some stories stay with you, not because they’re dramatic, but because they’re honest.

In this conversation, Shelby sits down with Vivian Moyo, a trauma-informed life coach, to talk about what it really means to heal after deep loss. Vivian shares her experience of losing her mother at a young age, growing up without her father, and navigating layers of grief that followed her into adulthood.

What stands out isn’t just the pain, but the patterns that formed around it. People pleasing. Overgiving. Losing yourself while trying to take care of everyone else.

They talk openly about how trauma can shape identity, relationships, and emotional habits, and what it looks like to slowly come back to yourself. Not through quick fixes, but through awareness, boundaries, and doing the uncomfortable work of facing what’s been avoided.

There’s also a strong focus on emotional sobriety. Not just staying away from alcohol, but learning how to sit with your feelings without escaping them.

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

• The impact of early childhood trauma and unresolved grief
 • How people pleasing and overhelping can become coping mechanisms
 • The role of creativity as a tool for emotional healing
 • Letting go of relationships, habits, and identities that no longer fit
 • Building boundaries and learning to choose yourself
 • What emotional sobriety looks like in everyday life

This is a grounded, real conversation for women in recovery, sober curious women, and anyone working through trauma, loss, or major life transitions.

About the Guest
Vivian Moyo is a qualified life coach and trauma-informed therapist who helps individuals heal from their past, overcome emotional challenges, and build a life rooted in clarity and confidence. Her work is shaped by both professional training and lived experience.

Website: https://moyowellnesstherapy.com/

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@moyowellnesstherapy

Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/76edyttlLES02qLHBdHrTH

TikTok: @moyowellnesstherapy

About the Host
Shelby John is a licensed therapist and founder of Wholistic Living. Through the Confident Sober Women podcast, she explores sobriety, emotional healing, nervous system health, and personal growth for women building lives rooted in clarity, confidence, and true freedom.

Website: https://shelbyjohn.com

Transcript

Welcome And What You Will Hear

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Well, hey there, Sober ladies. Thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women Podcast. I have the pleasure of sharing my conversation with you today with Vivian Moya. She is a qualified life coach. She also happens to be a trauma-informed therapist as well. And she shares her story of losing her mom at the young age of three years old and then being rejected by her own father. So her story of loss and perseverance and then continuing into adulthood with her own loss, with miscarriages, and her healing journey is really powerful. She really talks a lot about her connection to creativity as a way that really helped her heal very specifically and continued her through the discovery journey journey, really into who she is as a woman and wants to become. She talks a lot about attachment and really how she let go. She says, I literally let go. I think you're all gonna really relate to parts of this, even if you don't have the same level of loss in your life. We all have loss, whether it's of people through death, or whether it's change of jobs, or moving, or kids going off to college, or whatever it is. We all do have experiences with grief and change and also the discovery of our own selves through that. And we use obviously trauma-informed processes like EMDR therapy and remote neurofeedback, and there are lots of other ways we can insert tools like creativity and you know, tool step programs and therapy and all kinds of other things to help support that uh level of healing. I think you're gonna really enjoy this conversation. So grab your big glass of water or your favorite mocktail and listen to this conversation with Vivian Moya. Welcome to Confidence Over Women. I'm your host, Shelby Jones, a licensed therapist and founder of Holistic Living. This is a space for women who are elevating their lives and choosing clarity over chaos, confidence over coping, and real freedom over short-term relief. And we all know that alcohol and drugs were never the glue that was keeping us together. They were just a temporary escape. Together we explore sobriety, mental health, nervous system healing, and personal development. We uncover the truth, feel beneath the surface, and build lives we don't want to escape from. Well, hey there, sober ladies. Thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women podcast. Today I am having a fabulous conversation with my friend Vivian Moya, and I'm gonna turn the mic over to you and let you share a little bit more about your story, and then we're gonna chat.

Vivian’s Early Loss And Silence

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Hi, thank you so much, uh Chevy. Did I say your name right? Thank you so much for having me, and uh, I look forward to yeah, our talk today. So, what can I say about myself? So, apart from a trauma-informed um life coach therapist, uh I am somebody who's very creative. Um, I do like taking walks, I do uh like um hiking, I like nature, um, but also I do like writing, I like coloring, drawing, sewing, knitting, cooking, you name it. I'm literally a creative soul, and uh and I feel like the creative part of me has been the healing the healing tools that has helped me actually heal from the traumas that I've been through, and with that, it has allowed me to guide others and to help them to use similar tools to see if that works for them. So the way I work with my clients is I would not tell them to use a tool that I have not used. So when I mean tool, I mean journaling, I mean meditation, I mean affirmation, I mean like you know, doing the knitting, the creative side of things, because I feel like a lot of people underestimate how the creative side of things can actually be a healing tool, um, apart from the gelling journaling side of things, so um that's what I do, but um apart from that, I have got lived experience of childhood trauma, and um I was born in Zimbabwe and I am 1985, so I guess you guys already know my age, uh, based on my year. So 1985, I was born in Zimbabwe, and then my mom died while I was three years old. So, unfortunately, I don't have any memory of my mom, like I don't know how she smells, how she sounds, how she looks. The only memory that I have of my mom is by looking at her picture, even then, she still feels like a stranger to me because I don't really know she is, like, I never grew up with her, and then on top of that, not having my father around, so again, that was another trauma that I went through. So, at a very young age, I almost felt like I was an orphan as well. Uh, so that was very hard, and then I came to the UK at the age of 11, where my grandmother decided that it was better for me to grow up with my uncle, who had children, who she felt like maybe I might feel safe and I might feel like I'm in a you know, with um another family who will look after me. And then sadly, after my grandmother brought me to the UK a year later, I think I was 12, she passed away. And my grandmother was like a mother to me, she was the closest thing to a mother that I've ever known, so that was another trauma that I kind of found myself in, and so leaving with my caregivers, they loved me the way they thought that they could they needed to love me, or the best way they thought they they were loving me. But the problem is when you have a child who has gone through so many losses at a very young age, the care that she needs is a bit different from somebody who hasn't lost so much at a very young age. So, my caregivers, because they had their own children, they never realize how much care and attention I needed growing up. You know, sometimes there's this stigma that when you lose a parent at a very young age, you're not missing on anything, you don't know nothing, there's nothing wrong with you. You were young, you didn't you didn't know your parents, so to them it feels safe not to even talk about it, but actually it does damage a child. So I guess them not talking about my mum, they felt like or even my father, or even my grandmother, they felt like they were protecting me, but without them realizing it, they were hurting me because that left a deep pain and a deep uh hound that I felt like I was a mistake, there was something wrong with me. Why is it that every time people die that I love? Why is it that I'm here in this world on my own? Who did I offend? I felt like it felt like it was a punishment. Like I felt like, hey, come here on earth and hey, like, you know, look you know, be in this world on your own. That's literally how it felt. And even being with my caregivers, I didn't feel seen enough. I didn't feel heard enough, and I felt again like I was a problem. Again, it wasn't nothing, it wasn't anything that they did, it was I guess the questions that they never asked that maybe needed to be asked for me to feel safe. So sometimes it's the sights the silence can damage a child or anyone going through trauma. So I feel like it's about asking the right questions. Are you okay? Like, is there anything that I can do for you? How are you feeling? Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to talk about your mom or even children that have been adopted, children that have been fostered? I feel like it's also safe for pet for their caregivers to talk about their parents in a way that they make them feel safe. Um, but I never had any of that, so you can imagine feeling very alone, lost, confused. But the twist of the story, as much as I felt alone and confused, I was always helping people from a very young age. Like I would always help people, people would always come to me with their hairy stories, with whatever is going through with them, and I would always be that person that I would always support. Um so I don't know if it was a distraction to hide my own pain, but at the same time, that distraction saved me in a weird way. Because it made me feel seen in spaces that I was never seen. It made me feel like I had a purpose when I wasn't seen as somebody with a purpose, so it was interesting, but I enjoyed helping people because I guess it made me feel safe. But the problem with that it became an escape, it became an escape from me to feel my own pain, to actually really heal. It became a place where yeah, I'm gonna help people, I'm gonna, you know, be there for everybody, but how about me? So I had to make a decision. Yes, you are the helper and the healer of others, but who's gonna come and save you? That's where I realized that I cannot keep going anymore.

Helping Others As Self-Escape

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Oh my gosh, thank you so much, Vivian, for sharing all of that. I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty in and sharing your story. It's never easy to poke around and and kind of where we came from and touch on some of those most, you know, emotional and vulnerable parts of ourselves. And and you did that so beautifully. So thank you so much. And you really did have significant amounts of loss at such a young age. And I don't think that most people can most people can relate to that unless they've had a lot of that impact in their life, especially um the parents, you know, that's such a when our primary caregivers or our mothers, you know, leave our us in such a young age informative, it does, it does create um a trauma to our brain. It does create, you know, attachment issues, things like that, things like kind of like what you mentioned. And then, you know, I don't think it's unusual for people to want to um want to kind of step into a helping position in order to uh sort of soothe their own pain or kind of satisfy their um kind of almost their own desire to get out of their own emotional dysfunction. I think that's why a lot of people step into therapy um or are people pleasers or kind of other like serving roles and because it's a way to sort of dissociate almost, right? We can like, oh, you're right. We can I can focus on these people and helping them and be of service to them, and that means I don't have to look at myself. But you like you so clearly mentioned, that that's definitely not gonna help you on your own healing journey, and it's gonna leave a lot of unprocessed trauma that needs to be um addressed, right? Because then that unprocessed trauma creates symptomatic experiences like anxiety, depression, those kinds of things. And it's it's not addressed, and it can lead to a lot of a lot of unhappiness, sadness, just you know, maladaptive lifestyles. So I'm curious if you want to say a little bit more about like kind of if and when there was a point when that sort of shifted for you. Like, did you become aware of that? Like, I mean, obviously you are now, but I'm wondering like when you started to become aware that you were sounds almost like avoiding you know your own need for healing and and using kind of your service work in a way to do that.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Um when I was in the process, when I was actually helping people, I wasn't thinking anything about me avoiding my pain. Um, it was only after I realized that that's what it was. Um I guess it came from a space where I realized that I became a people pleaser. As much as as much as I was helping people, my own life wasn't great. I was a people pleaser, and um, like I was called independent with people that I didn't need to be, um, trauma-bonding relationships, um, saying yes to things that I knew that I didn't want to do, um, being around people, situations that I knew deep down within my soul I didn't need to be, being in relationships that were only draining and hurting me because I used to feel like I was the type of person I could fix everything, right? Like I felt like, yeah, no, I can fix this, I can fix so whenever um, and then what happened was I started um attracting relationships, guys that had their own traumas, and then I'm like, no, I can I can fix that. So I became so um, what's the word, fixed into fixing them rather than being in a relationship, and that's not really healthy, right? And so that went on for a while, and then I guess the trigger was when I was with my last um ex-boyfriend who I still love dearly because he changed my life in a different way. Um, but it's when I realized so there was a so I'm a so I'm a spiritual person, and so the time when I was trying to be like making excuses, fixing him, like no, he's this way because of that. He cheats me this way because he never had the love that he needed, so it's almost felt like I was accepting that as okay based on what he went through, until I had this voice inside of me that no, Vivian, you're not supposed to fix him, you're supposed to fix yourself. That was a shock in the system.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Yeah, I'd say so. But that's so profound, you know. That's like you know, so often we don't get the benefit of having like a very profound kind of moment like that. Sometimes we do, and then often it's much more subtle. But um, yeah, I know you you know, I totally understand what you're saying. Like, you're not walking around thinking, like, oh, I'm trying to cover up my pain. Um, but you know, that's what happens. That's what the brain does. It's almost a way of our our brains are super smart and they're really good at helping us find ways to reduce our discomfort and to protect ourselves. And even if those are maladaptive strategies, like drugs and alcohol, sex, all of that stuff, like people, food, people use all of those things to self-soothe or to help them cover up their own discomfort, but they're not sitting sitting around saying that, right? So, yeah, so that relationship really gave you that aha moment of like, wow, you're not supposed to be fixing him. And um, what was that like for you? Like, what did that what did you think? And what did you do?

SPEAKER_00 16:56

That that actually felt like an awakening for me. So my healing started from my awakening to myself because when you've been through trauma, you're almost in a sleeping state, right? Because your mind is somehow protecting you from the pain, the past, the whatever. So you're living your life as somebody else because you don't really want to be that person who has lost their parents, or be that person that has been abused, or be that person that you know is very sick or whatever. So you're you it's easy for your brain to pretend so you can somehow feel safe, but it's still not healthy because subconsciously, as much as you're pretending, they show up, like I said, people pleasing was a way of showing up that there's something wrong. Um, you know, being in unhealthy relationships as well, that is another sign, and being addicted, like you said, people that fall into addiction, like they're trying to run away from something, like people like I know it's easier said than done, but I I do work with people that struggle with drugs and alcohol, and that is because they say it's easier that way because you don't have to feel the pain, and so it becomes an addiction, and the only way they can heal from that is by actually revisiting the pain and what really happened in order for them to find a healthy way of actually healing rather than being addicted to something that is not great. Again, it could be anything. So, I guess my addiction became a thing of helping people, right? That was my addiction. I'm gonna help everybody, I'm God, I'm gonna fix everybody. But then when I heard that voice within me was like, No, it's never been about you fixing him or anybody else, it's always being about you fixing yourself, and then that really shook me, and then it then went on to say in order for you to become somebody who is effective in helping people, you need to be honest with yourself and who you are first, and you're nobody's saying stop helping people, but it's not serving you if you're not helping yourself because it's gonna trigger and it's going to become worse in the long run, and also it's like start loving yourself again. And then I realized oh my gosh, I don't love myself enough because if I did, I wouldn't be in relationships that were harmful, or relationships that were toxic, or I wouldn't be a people pleaser, or I wouldn't be, you know, giving myself to everybody else apart from myself, or I wouldn't be running away from myself, and then I realized that I don't love myself enough because people feel like self-love is about how you look. I feel like it's more than just how you look. You can have good hair, good skin, good self-good self-care routine, skincare routine, bubble bath, like you can do the pedicure, the medicure. Does it really complete who you are as a person? Does that define you loving yourself?

Remote Neurofeedback For Recovery

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Hey, it's me, Shelby. Have you ever wondered what's really happening in your brain during recovery? Are you ready to take control of your anxiety, sleep better, and finally feel focused and confident? I want to introduce you to a game changer that's transforming women's recovery. Remote neurofeedback therapy. I want you to think of this as a personal trainer for your brain. It's helping you build new neuropathways right from the comfort of your own home. So if you're dealing with anxiety that just won't quit, if you have ADHD that's making life chaotic, or sleep issues that leave you exhausted, neurofeedback could be your missing piece. It's science-backed brain training that works with your natural healing process, helping you regulate emotions and build lasting confidence. The best part is you don't need to add another appointment to your busy schedule. My remote neurofeedback program brings professional guidance and support right to your living room. Do you want to learn more about neurofeedback therapy? You can go to my website, www.shelbyjohn.com to download my free guide. Is neurofeedback right for you? Together, we'll create the calm, confident future you that you deserve. That's www.shelbyjohn.com. Take the first step towards training your brain for lasting change. I I exactly. And um I think that what you described is self-care. And self-care isn't always manicures and massages, even though those are wonderful. I love those things. But um that's not the only, that's not the only part that we do for self-care. It can be very simple. It can be things like um, it can be things like skincare. It can be things like sitting quietly in the morning for 10 minutes, it can be meeting a friend for coffee, it can be going to the gym or working out or taking care of your body. All of those things are forms of self-care, which are super important and should be a priority when we are just for anybody, you know, it should be a priority for any of us, and especially when we are embarking on kind of a like a an a healing journey, I guess, for lack of better terms, where we want to really take a look at some of this past work. Because as you mentioned, you know, a big part of that past work, and I think what prevents a lot of people from doing it is that you kind of have to step back into that stuff, that mess, that that pain kind of in a very real level. And that doesn't feel good. Most people don't like that. And so um it can make people avoid it. Um, but it sounds like you really were um, and I know things don't happen overnight for sure, but you were kind of primed and ready, like your system was starting to say to you, like, hey, you know, something isn't right here. We need to make a change. And um, you kind of started down that path. So I'm kind of curious as you were doing that, like, what were the things, and even like kind of even now, I mean, what are the things that you did to really work on healing that past trauma and undoing the you know neuropathways and the negative beliefs they have about yourself today that um came from then? Like I do EMDR therapy in my practice. I also use a remote neurofeedback therapy program, which is all working at the very neurological level to help us transform our lives by healing those train those traumas that were formed, you know, at a variety of different times in our life and then really recreating those neuropathways. So I'm just curious, like what kind of things did you do to help yourself?

SPEAKER_00 24:05

So I realized that I needed to let go. Let go of what felt safe then because that was me in a survival mode. So I had to let go of the jobs that I was doing because there were not jobs that were really something that I really wanted to do. I felt like I needed to do the jobs, I had to let go of friendships that were no longer serving me anymore, that were draining me and that were toxic, and I had to let those go because they came from a trauma bond relationship rather than a real friendship. Um, I had to let go of my ex-boyfriend who I loved so much. Um, I had to let go of habits that I knew that were not serving me anymore. I had to start all over again. I had to reintroduce myself to myself. Who is Vivian? Really? Outside of because sometimes again I feel like we think our jobs define who we are, they don't. And so how did you that is not allowed to do that?

SPEAKER_01 25:10

So how did you do those things? Like, what did you do? How did you do that?

SPEAKER_00 25:14

I actually had to let go. But yeah, literally I let go. I literally had to I quit my job, that was paying me really well. The next day when I realized that it wasn't for me, I resigned and my manager was shocked, but it wasn't about him, it was about me. I blocked friends that I knew were not healthy for me. I blocked them. That's that that's how I did it. It might seem cold, but it wasn't it wasn't about them, it was about me. Um, because I feel like sometimes explaining and stuff, it gives room for them to now try and reason and then it's good at times, but I knew I was not in the right space with those people, so I blocked them. Um again, I set boundaries with my ex-boyfriend and he realized that he had no control over me anymore. The boundaries initially before he had the whole power, he you know, he had the power of the relationship, but the moment I started setting boundaries, he didn't fit in that picture anymore. So he walked away. So setting healthy boundaries and really like deciding what was best for me and um letting go. That was the way I did it. Like sometimes I know it's scary, but sometimes you have to do it not because you don't love them anymore, but because you're finally choosing yourself.

Boundaries That Change Relationships

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Yeah, you're so right about that. And I mean, I think I think honestly, that's often how it works. We often have to make decisions about about things like that you just mentioned, you know, maybe it's our job or relationships that we're in, either intimate relationships or family or friends. We have to really take a look at all that. It's almost like doing a complete inventory of our lives, you know, like what what's happening and and taking a look at what parts are what parts of this these things are harming me. What part do I have in this? Like, what is my role in these relationships, and then what parts of them are good? And then making really good, using really good discernment to make decisions about whether or not that means you have to make a decision to say I'm gonna end this relationship, or I'm gonna cut back my time with them, or I'm gonna change jobs. Like, there's a lot of results of that related to those, to that inventory, and then certainly on healthy boundaries. But yeah, boundaries is such a big topic around our healing because I feel like also too, it's kind of a stereotype, it's a generalization, I guess, for sure. But you know, I think for many women in particular, it's difficult for them to create healthy boundaries for a variety of reasons, depending on where you came from or how you were raised or what you believe about yourself. But often from my experience with with clients and and in life, is that they say think they have to be kind of this sort of nurturing presence, or they have to be nice or available. They're almost like not allowed to like create healthy boundaries. I don't know if that's relatable to you, but I do see that a lot, and it's it prevents people from kind of getting to the place you're in.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

I would say I would say in order to create h boundaries, you need to again find ways of speaking to people so that they can actually respect your boundaries. And um I feel like if somebody doesn't respect your boundary, it becomes clearer that that person is not for you because if that person was for you, they will respect that boundary. So let's say for example, I don't know, like you've got a friend that keeps speaking really bad or saying horrible things, and the boundary that you can put in place with that person is basically, I love you as a friend, but I don't appreciate the way you keep bringing me down by saying this or by bringing the past. Is it okay if you don't bring it up again? Because it is a trigger for me, because it does make me feel and once you have a give um given the reason, explain why. I feel like that person should automatically respect that.

SPEAKER_01 29:34

Yeah, I I mean, I mean that's what boundaries are. The definition of healthy boundaries is really just teaching other people how to treat us, it's telling other people how we want to be treated, right? So it's teaching other people, you know, what is acceptable to us, what isn't acceptable to us. And this changes um depending on the situations we're in. It also changes sometimes with just age and stage of life, like probably where I was when I was younger in my 20s or something is a lot different than where I am today. And that's based a lot on values or just lifestyle. Um, but you're right. I mean, the big, the big part of it is this learning how to like first discerning, and and you already mentioned this kind of like who are I, who am I, Vivian? Like who who am I as a person? What are my needs? So discerning that, like what are my needs, you know, because it's different for all, it's very personal. Like, um, what am I, what am I, what's my tolerance level too? Like, what am I willing to put up with? Like, because nobody's perfect too. And so in any relationship we enter into of any kind, there is always a risk of of disappointment because people disappoint, right? There's just no perfect person, but we all have a tolerance level for like what is acceptable to us and what's not. And we have to discern that kind of based on the work you're talking about, right? Being able to say, like, you know, for example, you know, I don't like when people yell at me. Like, I don't want to be yelled at, you know, I just it does definitely create a little bit of a nervous system response to me. Um, I don't, I don't, I don't, I just don't like that. And so in my marriage and in my relationships, if that starts to happen in the past, I had to really learn how to say, um, I it's not okay for you to talk to me like that, or please don't speak to me like that. Or it seems like you're getting really angry and you're starting to yell. So I'm gonna have to end the conversation and then we'll circle back when you know we can talk calmly. And it sounds so kind of silly, even just like saying that to you. It sounds kind of funny, like oh, unrealistic, you know. And I always encourage when I talk to my clients about that to like talk in just that tone, right? Which is very difficult when you're in like a heated argument or you're having an emotional reaction. We get, we want to kind of just stay in that like a kind of neutral response. And you get better at it with time to let that person know, like, oh, I'm going to end this conversation now. Like, I'm no longer going to continue this. And if it's a if it's a relatively healthy relationship, or at least with somebody who has a mutual respect for you and wants to continue to have a relationship with you, over time, if you continue to do that, they will, the behavior will change. It will affect them and it will change. Um, it might take a long time, or sometimes things get worse before they get better, I always say, you know, sometimes people ramp things up. They're like, oh, well, that's not working anymore. So I'll try this now. Um, so it just depends on, and then sometimes it just consistently reveals to you who that person is and that they're not going to respect them and change, and you need to make a decision about that relationship. Um, but none of that is none of that's easy. It doesn't mean that doing the creating healthy boundaries is wrong. It's wonderful, it's a great thing for mental health and and and healthy lifestyles, but it's it can still be very emotional. Kind of like you mentioned, like it was still painful for you to in that relationship with the boyfriend that you still really loved, even though you know that was the right thing for you. Um, it was still painful.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Definitely, and um, I'll say like don't be afraid, like people would love you the way you show them how to love you. So setting it that set setting boundaries is a way of showing somebody how you want to be loved, and that way they will respect it and love and love you for that because you've shown them, but if you don't tell them, they're gonna just continue to treat you anyhow, and I feel like you deserved somebody to love you for you in that way.

Faith As A Healing Support System

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Yeah, absolutely, and you know, when you're stuck in um um trauma response, you know, when you're kind of you're kind of living in that kind of mess um of of the of your where you came from in the past and the damage that's caused, it's really tough to a even know how you want to be treated. It's it's it's very tough to discern because so so many beliefs like I'm not worthy of love or I don't deserve nice things or things like that. So many of those get formulated and then create people's inability to like even entertain the idea that someone would treat them well, right? They kind of just accept the bad behavior because that's just what feels okay, like if that feels normal to them until you really drill down and learn, like, oh, actually, this isn't not acceptable to me. This doesn't make me feel loved or wanted or safe. And so I'm gonna do something to change it. But that usually takes um quite a bit of trauma work and therapy. Um, usually takes quite a bit of um, you know, brain work on, you know, kind of clearing out that trauma. Um, the spiritual component you mentioned is also super important to me as a person, too. I talk about that a lot here on the show, and other people know that. And I think for those people who do have, you know, like a dedicated faith system or are at least connected to something spiritually, that can be such a big part of the journey as well. I'd love for you to like share a little bit more about what that's looked like for you.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

Definitely. So I feel like spiritual awakening is your true soul crying out to you. That is the place where you are true to yourself, and um, that is a place you're awakening to yourself, like who you really are as a person. And I feel like for me, that is what saved me when I realized I was in that place, and what I did was I didn't fight it because it feels very completely, spiritual awakening feels completely different to the reality that you've always lived, like it feels like you're shedding so many layers of your old self and you're entering a new state that you don't even know yourself without realizing that you are finally remembering who you've always been outside of that trauma, and so I feel like when you find yourself in that space of awakening to something bigger than yourself, don't fight it, embrace it because that is the place where you're gonna really find yourself and begin the healing journey. If I hadn't awakened, or if I hadn't had that voice, the still voice that said, Hey, you've been I think I feel like that voice has been wait waiting to tell me this for many years, but I think that moment I was in the right state to hear it. Like, it's not about him, it's about you, right? And so, and then I I felt like they became my guide and people that were like helping me in in that way towards my healing journey, and I'm glad I went through that because that's when I again realized the job wasn't really for me. I was doing it my my the intention was good, but I was doing it for the wrong reason. And so my advice is like if you do have faith and if you feel like faith is something that's going to help you towards your healing journey, use that faith because sometimes healing on your own is a lot harder. You need a support system, you need therapies that will help you navigate the pain. You live you need a life coach, you need a spiritual source, whether that is being a Christian, whether that is being a spiritual person, that will really help you to give you the hope that you need. Because the problem is a lot of people they try to do the healing on their own, and then it becomes harder and they give up. But if you have somebody, or if you have faith, so for me, my awakening and my faith, because I've always been a Christian from a very young age, I've always believed in God, and I felt like that has been something that has kept me. Without that, I don't know what I would have done many years ago. I probably would have crumbled. But having faith and you know, accepting that that awakening was the true path, and you need to be ready to let go of the past in order for you to finally move forward and see what's out there in the future because you can't go backwards, but you can only move forward, and don't be scared to move forward because the past is a past, right? I always say to people, why would you want to go back to your old vomit, right? Like you want to clean slate, you want to continue to move forward. But the problem is we feel safe in the past where actually the past is only trapping us from really discovering who we truly are. Also, the last thing I want to say is your past doesn't define you, your trauma doesn't define you. You you you have the power to change your story, you have the opportunity to rewrite your chapter, don't allow the past or people to tell you otherwise. You have a choice. Are you gonna stay in the past or are you going to rewrite your story and still deal with the past without ignoring that it didn't happen, but still looking ahead and creating a brighter future for you, and that only begins when you begin to heal. That's how you'll begin to start all over again.

Where To Find Vivian And Closing

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Yeah, that's so beautiful, Vivian. Thank you so much for sharing in that way. And I do think that the spiritual component is such an underutilized and talked-about tool and um need in our current society, at least here in the US. And um, what I've seen and experienced in my own life too is when people do have some kind of a spiritual connection, it doesn't have to be um the one that they grew up with, it doesn't have to be a biblical approach or religious format. It can be, and that's wonderful, but it does need to be a something. There does need to be a connection with something outside of yourself, a knowing that there is energy and um forces kind of outside of us, beyond us, that are that are there for us to utilize and to to gain peace from and strength from and and guidance even. And when we can connect with that in that way, I do feel there are it's much greater opportunities for people to have true healing and you know, things like forgiveness and that letting go you're referring to. It's much harder, I think, to do that when you think you're you're it, like you're the be all end all in the world, like the book stops here with us humans. Because kind of where else are you supposed to go? I mean, that's that's a depressing outlook on life. So it does, it does. I feel like it's very important for people to find us a connection outside of themselves in whatever that looks like for them. So I just do want to say thank you so much for sharing um your story with us and for your time. Um, I appreciate any time people come here to share with us so vulnerably, and also just the the ways that you have found that have been really helpful in your journey to make an impact on others, but also on yourself and to prioritize your own your own healing. So, where do you like people to get a hold of you and reach out if they want to get more information?

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Uh it was so nice having you. Like we had um connection errors in the beginning, but we got we got through it in the end, so that was so great. Um you can find me on my website, which is Moya Wellness Therapy, and it's www.moyal wellness therapy.com. So that is where I do a lot of my um the websites, and I do have a podcast of my own as well, where I talk a lot more about like the healing side, the spiritual side as well. So you guys are more than welcome to listen to and um to the podcast as well, and then also you can find me on my um Instagram page as well, which is more wellness therapy, YouTube Moya Wellness Therapy, and I'll send you the actual handles so then you can um put it through so people can actually have the right details. So I look forward to yeah, connecting with everybody.

SPEAKER_01 42:15

That's awesome. I'll make sure I include all of that in the show notes below, and I really hope our paths cross again and we can continue to talk about new things that are coming up in our worlds and and share all the good news with um our people. So thanks again for being here, and I hope you have a great rest of your day. This is Shelby John, and thank you for joining me on the Confidence Sober Women podcast, where we have conversations with women building lives rooted in clarity, resilience, and freedom. If today's episode resonated with you, be sure to hit subscribe. And if you would, take a few seconds to leave a review, and then share it with a woman you know who really needs to hear it. If you're ready for deeper support through therapy, EMDR intensives, or remote neurofeedback at Holistic Living, you can visit our website at holisticliving therapy.com, where we help people rewire their brains for lasting freedom from anxiety, addiction, and trauma. Until next time, uncover the truth, heal beyond the surface, and transform your life. See you next week.