126 When was the last time you had fun?

I have been so busy working and focusing on reaching certain goals that I didn't realise that I was missing out on having fun. Last week and this bank holiday weekend served as a reminder that fun is a crucial part of life and that I must not neglect it.

Proverbs 17v22: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Living for Empowered Life podcast, where we discuss all things empowering, encouraging and inspiring. My name is Yvonne Ellis. I'm an empowerment speaker, author, coach, trainer and founder of Uni Empowerment, a company that facilitates the empowerment of people. I help people to make positive life change, live in their purpose and develop into their best version of self. I share stories, interviews, spiritual encouragement and actionable tips to empower, encourage and inspire you to live the life you want. So if you want to live the empowered life, join me each week on my podcast so we can take the journey together. Hello Empowered Lifeers, how are you doing? How are you feeling? Welcome to Living the Empowered Life Podcast. If it's your first time listening in, my name is Yvonne Ellis and I am your host. And on this podcast, I like to share all things empowering, encouraging, and inspiring. And I just want to say hi to you all, new listeners, old listeners, continued supporters. I appreciate you all for taking your time to listen in to this podcast. If you are new here, please do check out my other episodes of Living the Empowered Podcast. I'm sure you'll find something that appeals to you at whatever stage of life you're in now. And as always, I always say to those who continue to listen to me, my continued supporters, I love you guys. Thank you as always for tuning in and listening to this podcast. And whether you're a new listener or an old listener, don't forget to subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast on, whether it's Spotify Podcasts or Apple Podcasts, or whether it's on my YouTube channel, Living the Empowered Life, or on Yumi Empowerment website, because you can get the episodes there as well. Do hit the follow or subscribe button so you don't miss the bi-weekly episodes. So, guys, at the time of recording this podcast, it is Monday, and I am recording it because yesterday it was far too hot in my home office to record anything. I mean, if you're over here in the UK, especially London, I'm not sure about other parts of the country, the temperature has been hitting 30-34 degrees. It is so hot. And even though it's been really, really hot, I'm not complaining. I have been able to go out and do some really fun things over the last few days, and I have been enjoying me and my husband's nighttime riding episodes. Like Friday night, we went riding, 7 o'clock in the evening, same on Saturday. You know, we grabbed a bite to eat, sat down by the embankment and overlooked the Thames, and it was just such a nice evening. And I've just been doing some fun things over the last few days. I don't know what's really been happening, but yeah, it's just been one of those things where work has just been bogging me down, and over the last few days I've just got back into having some fun. And this is what this episode, episode 126, is all about having fun. Having fun in your 40s, having fun, where's the fun gone? Basically, that's what we're going to be talking about today. But before we get into the episode, I want to share with you some quotes about fun later on in life, midlife, 40s, wherever you are at this time. One quote says, We're adults, when did that happen? How do we make it stop? So so true. It's like once you hit adulthood, it just continues on and on and on, and you forget to do things that make you have fun. So I thought that quote was quite funny actually. Another quote says, Young at heart, slightly older in other places. That's so true. I think the other day I attempted to try and see if I could do a roly-poly. Big mistake. And this quote by Tom Beringer says, around midlife everyone goes manic a little bit. I wish that was the case actually. I know they say some people do have a midlife crisis or whatever. I suppose so. But some people, the majority of people, just kind of get lost a little bit in midlife, and that's what I want to talk to you about today. Where's the fun gone? And this episode is meant to just be a quick episode just to encourage and inspire you to have fun and where possible not to take life too seriously. You know, one of the things I've observed with some people that the older they get, you know, the more serious they become. I know there have been times in my life where I have been like this. You know, somewhere along the way, many people, over 40, and as I said, me included, become responsible for everyone and everything, balancing work, bills, children. Well, I don't have any young children now, my youngest is now 19, but when I did have younger children, it was children balancing all the different things that were going on there. And while responsibility matters, because you know we can't get away from responsibility in life, joy and happiness matter too. The question I have for you today is when was the last time you generally had fun? And it is a serious question because as I said, you know, we can all be responsible doing all the adult things, the life things that we're supposed to be doing, taking life seriously and all that, and it doesn't help, you know, we're living in an economy now where the cost of living crisis, everything's going up, worrying about different things. But when was the last time you had fun? And on Friday, actually, on my Instagram, Yumi Empowerment, which I haven't been posting a lot on there, I'm still battling with that, so forgive me guys. But on Friday on my Instagram, Yumi Empowerment, Y-E-M-E underscore Empowerment, you can find me over there on Instagram. I share, you know, little snippets of things I do out and about having fun or quotes and different things. I shared a photo of me in a little pop-up shop where I tried on the most amazing, amazing skirt, which is on my birthday list because it is so lovely, it's going to be such a timeless piece. But I shared this photo of me in the shop trying on this beautiful skirt, and you know, I popped in and these two lovely ladies, one of them being the owner of this brand and her stylist, welcomed me into the shop, and we just got talking about all things life. And I just came across this shop. You know, I came off the bus at the top of King's Road because the reason I was up there anyway, because I just decided to take, you know, the morning off to go to the Chelsea and Bloom flower display on King's Road. I go absolutely every year. I will be posting more pictures next week. I did share some of my stories, and I was going to go, you know, from the top end of King's Road all the way down so I could get pictures of the different flowers in bloom. And I came across this shop and went in, and you know, we just got talking about different things. I was able to talk about my podcast, they were telling me about the brand, all their different pieces. You know, the owner was telling me about her journey and all that stuff of being a starting as a buyer and a stylist and all these different types of things, and it was just great. It was just so random for me to just go into this shop, try on this skirt, have a conversation with these ladies about all different things about life, and it was just such a nice interaction with them. You know, they were so cool. Two ladies around my age, probably mid-50s or so, but they were so cool, and their fashion sense was amazing, and we just talked about fashion and different things. And you know, when I left that shop, I just felt like really happy because it was like one of the most randomest things that I've done in a long time that was fun, which is kind of the things I like to do. And you got me thinking about when was the last time I had fun, and that's why I'm asking you this question. Because sometimes things can just happen and life can happen, and we forget to have fun. And I'm not talking about you know productive fun or networking, not doing something because you should. I mean, real joy, real laughter, real spontaneity, real kind of off-the-cuff stuff, moments where you feel alive. Because you know what? I realize life after 40 should not be about surviving, it should also be about living. That is the whole ethos of living the empowered life. Living the empowered life is all about living life to the full, embracing all that you know life has to offer, each of us in whatever stage we find ourselves, not being diff making the things of life define us, but us defining our life. Life should always be about living, and many people in their 40s are carrying years of pressure. Trust me, I have been there before I stepped out in 2018 to start my own company. I was doing all the things that I thought were great to do, being responsible and stuff, but I wasn't actually living, I was just doing things because it was expected of me to do. You know, I had responsibilities, financial responsibilities, different things going on. And you know, the years of carrying pressure really just care it really just made me feel unhappy until I decided to do something about it. Some people, you know, they have not only spent their 40s surviving, it's been a continued theme throughout their life. Some people spent their 20s trying to survive, then their 30s trying to build, and now in their 40s, they are exhausted. And I realized that when I had that little kind of spontaneous little thing that I did, you know, going into the shop trying on this skirt, you know, taking myself off out, just booking the day off, and then going for lunch at half nickels. I I I remembered, you know, this is what life should be about. I was feeling exhausted from working. And when I looked back over my different kinds of Instagram posts and stuff, I realized I hadn't posted anything fun for absolute months. And I decided on Friday that I'm gonna change that. Sometimes as well, people just feel like you know, if I'm having fun, then I'm not being responsible. Or that fun feels irresponsible. Sometimes people feel guilty for resting, and that's another thing. This bank holiday, I have not done any work. Not Friday, not Saturday, not Sunday, not even today. And I feel great for it. Sometimes when you're used to just doing and being on the go, resting can make you feel guilty. Sometimes it's trauma, sometimes it's burnout that can make joy feel unfamiliar. When you've been used to those things for so long, finding joy, doing things that make you happy, you know, can make you feel guilty. Some people do say that. And if you have grown up and you've had to mature too quickly, you know, that is another thing that can make you feel guilty for having fun and having joy because you've never really had or experienced carefree moments in life. But here's what is important: I want you to remember that fun is not childish, joy is not a waste of time, laughter is not laziness. Everything has a balance. Too much of work, too much of responsibility, too much of you know, demands can make you feel that there is nothing more to life. You have to have those moments in your life where you're having fun and doing things that you are enjoying. Having joy is part of emotional well-being. You know, so many adults have become focused on healing that they've forgotten also, you know, that they're allowed to enjoy life. And you do not need permission to experience happiness. You know, you have a life as well as anybody else, and you're entitled to have moments of joy, fun, and laughter. Maybe fun for you now, you don't know how that looks, but you remember how it looked in your 20s. I remember I used to love raving. My late teenage years, 20s, you know, early 20s. I used to like to go out, I used to like to go raving. I remember on the turn of 2000, year 2000, me and my friends at the time went to about eight parties and you know, going all nighters and different things like that. Obviously, at the time I was a very different person to I am now, but to me back then that was fun. I enjoyed it, you know, but now to me that's not fun. And you know, I have different things that I love to do now, you know. I appreciate those times. I raved in my early 20s, teenage years, but now I enjoy doing things like going to afternoon teas and you know, going to the VA to taking exhibitions, going to jazz clubs, different things like that. These things to me are fun, you know, doing random things like going into shops and trying on random skirts. That to me is fun, you know. So sometimes it can be a thing where fun, you know, maybe you don't know how to have fun because the fun that maybe you used to have when you were younger is not the fun that you imagine yourself having now. But it can be imagined a different way. Maybe fun now means taking yourself off out to breakfast, dancing in your kitchen, travelling somewhere new, trying a hobby you were once afraid to try, going to a concert, you know, wearing clothes that make you feel confident, starting over without shame, saying yes to new experiences instead of saying yes to fear. Fun does not have to be expensive, it does not need to impress anyone. It's about what brings joy to you. And maybe this season of your life is about reconnecting with the version of yourself or discovering your new self that became buried underneath the weight of life, underneath responsibility. One of the biggest lies people believe after 40 years, my best years are behind me. And I've heard people say this I'm too old, my best years are behind me. No, your best years are not behind you. I made a video a little while ago talking about the fact that I feel like I became the best version of who I imagined I could be in my 40s. I really felt I came into my own in my 40s. I feel more confident, I'm more sure of who I am. You know, sometimes I'd find myself saying, if only I had this mindset and this wisdom and experience, you know, that I have now in my 20s, I would make much different choices. But everything in life happens for a reason. And I don't believe my best years are behind me. As a matter of fact, I really believe I'm at the beginning of my best years because it's age is more than a number, age is more than you know what society tells you you should feel. My best years are ahead of me, so it's simply not true when people say my best years are behind me, your different years are behind you, but the years that you're yet to discover are ahead of you. You know, your 40s can become your most confident years, the years where you find freedom, it could become the years where you find peace, or even your purpose. There is something so powerful about reaching a stage in your life when you can stop performing for others and start asking what makes me happy, and that is what the 40s brought for me in my life. I don't care what anybody thinks about me, I don't care how people think I should dress or whatever, not that anybody said ever said anything negatively negatively towards me about how I dress. People love the way I dress, I get compliments every single day. I've always have from young, you know. But when you hit your 40s, it's like all those things that you kind of feel kind of self-aware about suddenly start to melt away. Well, that's what I found in my experience. I live my life for what is good for me, and as long as it's pleasing to God, then that's what's pleasing to me. I don't live my life for people. You should strive to live your life or live a life that brings you peace, excitement, and joy, and doing things that make you happy. In your 40s, midlife, wherever you find yourself, you're still allowed to dream, you're still allowed to laugh loudly, you're still allowed to reinvent yourself. That's another thing. You know, if you've just been used to being a one-way your entire life and feel okay, my best years are behind me, it's too late for change. No, you can still reinvent yourself, you can still go out and have adventures. You know, this is the beauty of life. As long as you have breath, you can always make change, you can always do things that can make you happy. So it's important to remember that. And as I finish today, I just want to leave you with a few questions and write this down in your journal or diary or whatever you have. I would love for you to just sit and think about these things because this is your life we're talking about here. You can't live your life for other people. And whilst there is and whilst there is responsibilities and things that we have to be mindful of, there's more to life than that. So I want you to think about these questions, write them down. What makes you feel alive? When was the last time you had a good laugh? Think about whether you've become stuck in survival mode. Think about what did you enjoy before life became so heavy? That's a question this week, or last week I should say, that really came to mind for me because I realized when I was doing all that fun stuff on Friday, I realized that I have allowed life to become heavy. You know, I'm not moaning, I'm not complaining, I'm really thankful to God for all the work and contracts and everything that I have. But I have allowed it to take up a huge part of my life, and it it became heavy. And I realized that is why it became heavy, because I was doing a lot of work. Ask yourself that question. What did you enjoy before life became heavy? For me, I enjoyed going on my cake and coffee dates, going on my little experiences, you know, doing different things. Ask yourself that question. I want you to think about as we go into this new week, what small thing you can do this week to find joy, to bring you joy, to bring a smile to your face. And maybe a deeper question you might need to ask yourself, even before that, is are you giving yourself permission to enjoy your life? Maybe you feel that you haven't done that. Maybe you've not even thought about that. That's an important question to ask yourself. So if you're listening today and life has felt heavy lately, this is your reminder. You deserve to have moments of joy and laughter. Your life is not over because you've hit a certain milestone in age. Maybe you're 40, or maybe you're midlife, maybe you're older. In many ways, you know, you are only just at the beginning. I want you to know that there is still laughter ahead, still connection ahead, still purpose ahead, still fun ahead, still healing ahead. So I want you this week to do one thing that makes you smile, one thing that reconnects you to yourself, one thing that reminds you that life is meant to be lived, not just endured. And as we finish the podcast today, I want to share with you a Bible scripture. It comes from the book of Proverbs, chapter 17, 22, and it says, A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. So essentially, what is that saying? It's good to have joy and happiness in your heart. It's good for your mental health, it's good for your well-being, it's good for your spirit. This is what this proverb, in my opinion, is saying a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit, one under the weight of pressure, responsibility, stress, whatever it is, dries up the bones. So remember that this week. If you want to connect with me, please do check out all the links in my show notes. Also, as well, you know, please be sure to listen to other episodes if you need to. I am an empowerment coach as well. Do check out my books. There's lots of different resources and services I offer through Yumi Empowerment. All of those, as mentioned, can be found in the show notes. I want to thank you for taking your time to listen into Living the Empowered Life podcast. Hope you enjoy the rest of your week. Until the next time, Empowered Lifers, keep growing, keep choosing yourself, keep trying to have fun and doing things that make you happy. Take it.