128 Don't let others to devalue YOU

In this last year, I have had a few situations where others have tried to devalue me, and for a moment, I nearly internalised their opinions, views and perceptions of me. However, I know who I am and my worth. I won't let others bring me down.

Psalm 134v14: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Living to Empowered Life podcast, where we discuss all things empowering, encouraging and inspiring. My name is Yvonne Ellis. I'm an empowerment speaker, author, coach, trainer, and founder of Uni Empowerment, a company that facilitates the empowerment of people. I help people to make positive life change, live in their purpose, and develop into their best version of self. I share stories, interviews, spiritual encouragement, and actionable tips to empower, encourage and inspire you to live the life you want. So if you want to live the empowered life, join me each week on my podcast so we can take the journey together. Hello, Empowered Lifers. Welcome to Living the Empowered Life Podcast. My name is Yvonne, and this podcast is all about bringing you content that helps you to live an empowered life. All things empowering, encouraging, and inspiring. If it's your first time listening in, I welcome you. Please do be sure to check out or please be sure to check out all the other episodes I've done of this podcast. I'm sure that you will find something to encourage you in whatever season of your life that you find yourself in. And to my continued listeners, thank you as always for taking time to support and listening to this podcast. And I thank you all, whether new or old listeners, thank you for taking time to listen in to this podcast episode today. The weather is very hot outside, and apparently this week is going to be into the 30s, which I don't think I'm really going to enjoy. I do like the sun, I like the hot weather, but 23-24 is okay for me over here. I was talking to somebody the other day about when I went to California in 2019, how hot it was out there. It was like 40 plus degrees, but the heat out there, and when I've gone to other places where it's quite hot in other countries, doesn't compare to the heat over here. I don't know if it's because you know in London it is a bit of a concrete jungle, there's lots of concrete. I don't know if that adds to the heat feeling really weird. So, you know, yeah, the heat definitely does feel different, but I'm not complaining because you know there's nothing like a bit of sun to lighten the mood. So, quickly in other news, I did share that I am doing an awareness event, afternoon tea awareness event for survivors of sexual abuse and the public to raise awareness of how this trauma affects lives. It will be on Saturday, the 12th of September, 1:30 to 5:30 in a place called Church of Nazarene, their main hall. It is just opposite the train station at Clappen Junction. I will be posting links for that. If you're interested in coming or you know anybody that's been through this type of abuse, you might want to forward it on. Also, as well, I'm still raising funds for this event as well. If you'd like to donate, please do. I will leave links in the show notes as well. Other news, I'm just still working really hard. I'm looking forward to going to an exhibition in the next couple of weeks. That big project that I told you about with the consultancy is nearly at an end, it finishes on July the 3rd, and I can't wait to get some of my life back. Not that I'm complaining because this has been a really important piece of work that I've had to do, and it taught me so much. And I did say in a later episode I would be showing kind of the pros and cons of that, but yeah, it's nearly finished, so I'll be back to doing my usual vlogs and uploads and everything. So thank you for bearing with me. I will be back, be I will be back on track as usual. So, in this episode, episode 128, I wanted to talk to you about you know not letting anyone devalue who you are. And really, for me, it's come this inspiration for this episode has come from just some of the dealings I've had over the last year in the professional arena, dealing with different types of people, and just reflecting on some broader experiences I've had over my life. And I think it's really important to discuss this because a lot of the time, if you're not strong in your identity, strong in who you are, maybe you know you may have low self-esteem or confidence. I know that I did for many years in my early 20s and 30s. It can be very easy to allow people's opinions of you, what they say about you, and the things that they do to devalue who you are. So I wanted to kind of quickly touch upon that in this episode. I won't keep you too long today, and I know that I can't stay too long because actually the window is closed and I'm in my home office and I'm trying to do this episode. But I want to share a couple of quotes before I get into what I want to talk about. The first quote is by cortino.com. It says go where your effort is appreciated. Don't let your actions go unnoticed by individuals who are never satisfied. The second quote is by a website called Power of Who, and it says you will never succeed with people who devalue you. How very true. How very, very true. And the last quote I want to share with you, it doesn't say who it's by, but it says, Don't let someone who doesn't know your value tell you how much you are worth. True, that is so so true. So I just want to ask you a quick question. Have you ever found yourself questioning your worth because of how someone treated you? I don't know about you, but I have on several different occasions in several different situations in my life. The very first time I found myself questioning my worth because of how somebody had treated me was when I went through childhood sexual abuse. For many years after that, I just felt that I was unworthy, that I was dirty, that I was spoilt goods. And the decisions of people I had in my life and how I determined how I would be treated was set by those things that happened to me in my childhood, being treated in such an appalling manner. You know, it may not be trauma, it may not be abuse, where you know you have questioned your worth, it could be because somebody has dismissed your ideas, overlooked your contributions, criticized your dreams, or made you feel as though you weren't enough. And when you've had those experiences happen repeatedly, it's easy to start seeing yourself through someone else's limited perspective. As I mentioned, you know, I had been thinking about this because what I have found over the last probably two years in consultancy, in some of the kind of jobs that I have been doing, where I've been, you know, commissioned to be a consultant, is that people within those certain posts that I've had, the past ones, have tried to devalue me. How they've tried to devalue me has been through my faith, being made to feel condemned because the fact that I'm born-again Christian and I believe in Jesus Christ, and made to feel actually, I felt how it felt to me quite bad for the fact that I'm a Christian. I've also had experiences in particular consultancy posts of being overlooked, particularly because of my skin colour. As many of you know, I am a black woman. And you know, what has happened over my career is that I've had to deal with, you know, some form of devaluing. It doesn't matter the knowledge or the skills or the experiences that I bring to whatever I'm doing. The stop and start for everything with certain people has been my outer appearance of being a black woman. And that has been quite discouraging at times, you know, and as well about my faith, you know, being kind of rejected or being seen as radical and all these different things, or people saying these things, and then I felt quite a derogatory way to make me feel bad about the fact to have faith in Christ. You know, it's been not a nice experience. And there were certain times within that, just like how when I just explained about going through sexual abuse as a child, how that kind of you know fed into how I valued myself very lowly. There were times I just felt like I allowed it to get to me. You know, I allowed other people's perceptions, their kind of value of me get to me. And I had to really check myself about it because I thought to myself, these people don't know me. They know a snapshot of me just by what I've said or maybe something they've read online, they don't know me. And who am I to let these people devalue me? Their opinions, their limited perspective, their views of me are based on superficial things. Their views of me are based upon things, you know, that shouldn't matter in the bigger scheme of things. Like, for example, doing this consultancy work, you know, that I've done over my career. What should matter is do I have the skills, experiences, and knowledge and insight to do the role rather than you know my skin colour or my faith. And I want to remind you of something today that is so important. If you're somebody who is being devalued through whatever methods, I want to just say to you, other opinion other people's opinions do not determine your value. Your worth is not up for negotiation. You see, many of us have spent years seeking validation from people who are unable or unwilling to see our true value. Sometimes it's family members. You know, after I went through what I went through, I spent years trying to, you know, get my mother's love and being validated by her. It never got me nowhere. Maybe for you it might be a parent or somebody else, a partner. You know, we can find ourselves working harder, proving more, achieving more, sacrificing more, hoping that someone will recognize our worth. But here's the truth: you don't become valuable when somebody else acknowledges your value. That is what I found through my own journey to knowing who I am and valuing who I am. You don't become valuable when somebody else acknowledges your value. You were valuable all along. In the eyes of God, you were always valuable and you are valuable. A diamond doesn't stop being a diamond because someone mistakes it for a rock. I once read that quote and I thought to myself, how true. Some people will look on that as a rock, but at the end of the day, it's a diamond. The thing is, the value remains the same, and the same applies to you. Just because someone doesn't appreciate your kindness, your wisdom, your resilience, your knowledge, your creativity, your gifts, doesn't mean that those things don't exist. Often people can only see through the lens of their own experiences, their own insecurities, limitations, and beliefs. And if you're not careful, you will begin to internalize their perspective and make it your reality, as I just shared, through some of the negative experiences I've had in a particular arena of consultancy that I have been doing over the years. And nearly internalized their perspective, their views, their opinions of me. Nearly questioned, nearly doubted who I was. But empowerment begins when you decide to stop measuring yourself by someone else's ruler. Think about how many challenges you've overcome. I think about how many I've overcome, and I'm I'm grateful to God that I'm still here. You need to think about all the obstacles you've survived, thinking about the growth that you've achieved, thinking about the strength it took just to keep going when life has been difficult. You need to think about those experiences because those experiences matter. They have shaped who you are, the person you have become today, and no one can take that away from you. So as I wrap up, I want to ask you a question. Whose voice are you listening to when you think about your worth? Or whose voice are you gonna continue to listen to when it comes to your worth? Is it your own? Or is it the voice of someone who's underestimated you, someone who's criticized you, someone who's made you feel small? Are you gonna listen to the voice of God through his word, the Bible? What he says about you? Psalm 139-19 that you're fearfully and wonderfully made? You can't listen to someone who made you feel small. And you know, many of you listening may be carrying old messages from years ago. I know that I did for a certain period of my life. Those messages say that you're not good enough, you'll never succeed, you're too old, you're too damaged, you don't have what it takes. All forms of rejection, all forms of devaluing. But those messages are not facts, they are opinions, and opinions can be wrong. One of the most empowering things you can do is to challenge the beliefs that no longer serve you. Ask yourself, is this belief true? Where did I learn it? Does it help me to move forward? What would I believe about myself if I trusted my own value? And you know that can be very hard to do, but if you rely on the word of God and ask God to show you the value of who you are, his word is truth and a word that you can always rely on. I want to encourage you that there will always be people who don't understand your journey, there will always be people who overlook your strengths, and there will be people who fail to recognize your potential. I've had all of these experiences. Not nice, the comments, being overlooked, being downplayed, all of it's not nice. But their inability to see my value or your value doesn't diminish it. So don't shrink yourself back into to fit into places where you are not appreciated. Don't abandon your dreams because somebody else lacks vision. Don't silence your voice because somebody else is uncomfortable hearing your truth. And don't hide behind anything because of your skin color for fear that they won't accept you. Stand confidently in who you are, celebrate your growth, honor your journey, recognize your strength, and remember that your worth is inherent. It isn't earned through achievements, approval, status, or perfection. It comes from simply being you. It comes from simply knowing that you're fearfully and wonderfully made by God. And his word is the beginning and the end. Not man's word, not the negative words of those who don't really care to understand or to know you, who've already got a perception of you. None of those things that they say matter. So I want you to think about this this week when you're coming to these situations with people, whether it's through work, in a relationship, wherever it is where you feel devalued. I want you to think to yourself, maybe even write some of this down. I am worthy and valuable as I am. I want you to remember that. I don't need anyone else's permission to believe in myself. I choose to see myself through a lens of self-respect and self-worth. I am enough. And maybe the one of the most important ones as well to remember, to write down, I will not allow anyone to devalue who I am. So, guys, that is it for this episode. I just wanted to share that with you today, and I hope that it's encouraged you. It's definitely been encouraging to me to do this episode, considering you know, I've had some of these really devaluing experiences over my life, you know, as I shared personally, professionally, but I won't allow those experiences and those people's opinions or views or perspectives of me devalue who I am. I've been through too much and seen too much to allow those things to bring me down. As I shared, the Bible scripture is from Psalm 139, verse 14, not verse 19, guys. I made a mistake. It says, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I'll know that full well. You know, God has made you in his image, he doesn't make mistakes. People can only see you through what they see you through, their own damage lens to devalue who you are, but in God's eyes, you are always valuable. So, guys, I hope this message today has encouraged you. Please take a moment to reflect on where you may have been allowing somebody else's opinion to influence how you see yourself. I want to thank you for joining me on this episode of Living the Empowered Life, and I will see you on the next one. Oh, and don't forget, guys, all links to my different stuff that I do my books, empowerment coaching, blog, newsletter, everything is in the show notes description box below. Until the next time, take care.