129 Life Reflections at 49: What I'm Taking Into My 50th Year

I cannot believe my 40s are ending. I can't believe I am nearly half a century old!!! Jokes aside, I have been thinking about the difficult, wonderful and intense journey that is my life. In this episode, I share some reflections with you and what I am taking into my 50th Year.

Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Living the Empowered Life podcast, where we discuss all things empowering, encouraging and inspiring. My name is Yvonne Ellis. I'm an empowerment speaker, author, coach, trainer and founder of Uni Empowerment, a company that facilitates the empowerment of people. I help people to make positive life change, live in their purpose and develop into their best version of self. I share stories, interviews, spiritual encouragement and actionable tips to empower, encourage and inspire you to live the life you want. So if you want to live the empowered life, join me each week on my podcast so we can take the journey together. I want to thank you as well for your continued support and bearing with me as I have been still erratic with doing these episodes. I welcome you all. If you haven't checked out my other episodes, please do so. You'll find them on Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, and also as well when I upload them to the Living the Empowered Life YouTube channel. So, guys, I'm sure by now you're tired of hearing my apologies for late uploads and being inconsistent. I need you to know though that I am doing these episodes from my home office, not in a professional studio or anything like that. So I have to time the recording to not kind of coincide with noise outside of my window, and sometimes that is very, very tricky. I was meant to upload an episode last Sunday, but the people who were opposite me have had to take down their extension, and unfortunately, it has meant that they are knocking and drilling on weekends as well. I don't know how they've got away with it to be able to do that, because I thought that when you're doing those types of works, you know, usually that's on a weekday because they know people are at home resting, relaxed, and all that stuff, but anyway, between that and just everything else, it was very difficult for me to record and upload last Sunday. So I'm doing a recording this Sunday, Sunday the 26th of July, and I'm gonna edit it and put it out. So sorry about this. Hopefully, by September I will be back on track. I know I've said it before, but thank you for bearing with me. You know that I am good for this. You know that I am good for doing these episodes. I have stuck with it for six years, and I appreciate you sticking with me too. So before I get into the episode, just a quick light little chat. I'm smack bang in the middle of one of the busiest times in my family's life. On July the 10th, I had my daughter's 20th birthday, we had a lovely time. I did her a birthday table, it's just a little tradition I've been doing from when she was born. She absolutely loves it and askes me for it every year. You know, I took her out to dinner, all that stuff, and then I had my husband's 50th birthday. My husband is quite the opposite to me in a way, in the sense that he wanted it just low-key, so I tried to make it as nice for him as possible. We had a lovely time. I took him and my daughter out for a lovely fancy steak dinner. He really enjoyed it, he was really happy with his birthday, and then it was my 21st wedding anniversary just gone, so we had a lovely day just doing different things, and what we've decided to do for our 50th birthday because they're within you know four weeks of each other, is to do 50 different little things, so you know we've been doing that as well, but yeah, it was a it was a nice day, and my birthday is coming up in a few weeks' time in August. I am going to be turning the big 5-0, and to be honest with you, I'm just really shocked at how fast time has gone by, and that is what I want to talk to you today about in episode 129 of Living the Empowered Life podcast. It is my life reflections at 49, and really what I am going to take into my 50th year. What I want to do is just kind of just wrap up some things today that I I've reflected on, but over the next few podcast episodes, probably starting from mid-September, I'm going to be doing a series, a three-part series called Brave Conversations at 50. These are things that I probably wouldn't have spoken about before, but as you know, I've got older, I've got more courageous in certain things I should say, some things I've kind of shrunk back from, and that is a whole nother episode. You know, I'm still working my way through trying to live, you know, my version of living the empowered life. You know, I feel like you know, my 40s has been, you know, the best decade of my life, and I am sad to see it go. So that little series is going to be coming in September. So, as I said, today is really about my life reflections at 50 and what I'm taking into the 50th year, you know, because for me, I am now at a really crucial crossroads in my life, unique crossroads. I'm crossing over from being 49 to 50, as some people would say, half a century, which just makes me feel ancient. Even though I don't feel ancient, I still feel quite young at heart, but it is a unique crossroads, and you know, it is a personal episode today because I'm talking about me being 49 years old and my birthday being just around the corner. As I said, you know, a lot of people will say, Oh, yeah, I'm half a century, and that is definitely true in age. You know, I've lived across many different decades, I've lived from the early 70s, 80s, 90s, you know, through the millennium. You know, it is a really unique time to be born in 1976 because I've been able to enjoy a variety of different things. For example, music, you know, growing up with old school soul, growing up with old school reggae, you know, soul funk, so band, you know, all the different kinds of pop that we had in the 80s, then 90s RB, then going into 2000s and being able to enjoy other music like grime, jungle, or jungle was early 90s and stuff. So I was born in a really unique time span, not just for music, but for other things as well. I was born before I was I was living in a time where there was no internet and we used to have to rely on encyclopedias. Well, these cyclopedias used to get them at the library, big huge volume books, those who know know, and going through that time to be able to see mobile phones coming in. You know, when we were coming up, it would be house phones, all this different type of stuff, to mobile phones, internet, and everything else. So I've lived across a unique span of time, and I'm really blessed and I'm really thankful that the Lord has allowed me to be born and to experience these times. You know, I've talked about a lot on other episodes about my hardships and things I went through in my earlier years, but I'm really still thankful for the life that the Lord God has given me. I think when you hit 49 and you're turning 50, it is naturally a time for reflection. I don't know if many people do that, but for me, it is a time of reflection, and it's not because life is ending, but because it's another chapter, it's a new beginning, and you know, things I've been thinking about that I've been asking myself and thinking about a lot, you know, as my 50th birthday is nearing is what have I learned? What really matters, what am I ready to leave behind? And if you're approaching a milestone birthday or simply feeling that life is asking you to grow, I hope that some of my reflections today help you. Okay, so lesson number one for me is that life isn't about perfection. You know, when I was younger, I really believed that I needed to have it all figured out. As I've shared on other episodes, there was this additional pressure for me because, as many of you know, I've talked about a lot because it has been a part of my unique life experience going through childhood sexual abuse and how that had really affected my mental health and my life for over 20 years, and it took that long for me to be able to start living in my own identity, not under the kind of shadow of a survivor in my early 30s. So there was this thing, this additional pressure that I should, you know, need to catch up, I need to get my life on track and everything else, and all it did was kind of put more pressure on me, you know. I spent a lot of time looking and thinking if I didn't go through abuse, I would have had the perfect career when I was younger. I've shared, you know, when I was 14, I wanted to be a banker in the city and all that stuff. And I did end up being a banker at Halifax for nearly five years, and that for me, when I look back over all the jobs I've had since 18 years old, Halifax was my best job working for an employer, no doubt. I absolutely loved it. Working for when I when I was working at the Clapham Junction branch, which is now closed down for a number of years, you know, being a cashier, being promoted after six weeks, having my own office as a banking advisor, I absolutely loved that job and I loved the people that I did work with as well. You know, I thought I would have the perfect career, you know, as life went on. I had obviously another daughter, things changed, and I found that the traditional job kind of trajectory I was on of working for an employer wasn't making me happy. I thought I would have the perfect relationships, and you know, I found that, you know, even as I've just shared at the beginning of this episode, 21 years married, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. I'm sorry for those of you out there who may believe that this is the case, but actually, you know, in all my years of being in a relationship, in a it being married, being a wife, I can say there is no perfect relationship and there are no perfect people. It is continuous, continuous hard work, and a lot of the time you just don't want to do it. And I'm being real with you, and that's something I may touch upon in one of my after 50 conversations, we'll see. But you know, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and you have to work alongside your partner in order to make your relationship work. Also, as well, the perfect plan, you know. When I was younger, you know, I had the perfect plan for my life, you know, as I was going along, even after going through abuse, you know, when it hadn't really hit me how it affected my life, I still had this perfect plan and you know, things with my family and everything else, and none of it has worked out the way that I'd imagined. And I am a praying woman, I am a godly woman, I have prayed some prayers for years about my children, about my marriage, about my family, about my life, about my struggles, about everything, career, and you know, I can say 90% if it didn't work out the way that I thought that it would. And having all these experiences throughout my life has just showed me that now I know that life isn't something you know we must master. Life is not about mastering things, it is something we experience. And you know, a lot of people might find that strange in this day and age to be even thinking like that, especially when social media has robbed so much of people's time, it's robbed some of my time. You know, it's very easy to get distracted by social media, but growing up, as I said, before internet, before social media and stuff, life was all about experiences, and that is a lot of what is missing in life. It's something we need to experience, life. You know, I've learned that growth comes through mistakes, wisdom comes through disappointment, wisdom also comes through learning, and strength for me has come through things that I thought would break me. There are a lot of things when I look back over my diaries and see, you know, how I felt at that time that I would never survive them, like abuse, like betrayal, and everything else. I see that God had a greater plan in everything and how I survived it and how it made me stronger, how it gave me wisdom. You know, strength does come through surviving things that we thought would break us. Perfection isn't the goal. For me, what I've realized in my 49-year reflection is that peace is. I value my peace. I value my peace. It's something I wasn't able to have for a long time, but peace for me is the goal in my life. The next lesson I want to share with you is that time is the most valuable currency. You know, at 49 I feel time differently. I realize that I have more life behind me than I do ahead of me, and that in a sense is scary, and that in a sense is a sobering thought, and it has given me a bit more boldness and courage to say, you know what, I'm now fifth, I'm now coming up to 50. I need to be more courageous and do the things that I want to do. I feel time differently in my body, not that I feel older, whatever, but you know, you feel the changes in yourself as you get older. I feel time differently in my mind. And as I said, you know, I have more time behind me than I do ahead of me. And my main thing is now that I need to make the most of my time. I'm not looking on it as a thing like, oh gosh, I'm hitting 50, I'm nearly at old age, and that and I'm feeling this fear. No, that's not what I'm saying. You know, I feel an appreciation for time, and I'm going to be doing more as I go into my 50th year to value it, reading more, spending more time doing the things that I enjoy doing, you know, creating memories, having more experience-based life events, you know, those are the things I've been thinking about. A lot of things as well, you know, that time has taught me is that I've become more intentional about who I spend time with, what I say yes to, and what deserves my energy. Because every yes is a no to something else. You know, I've learned that a meaningful life isn't created by doing more, a meaningful life is created by doing what matters most. Time is valuable, and I've talked about this over the years in my episodes and videos from Living the Empowered Life, that time is the most valuable commodity. How you use your time is important, and whatever you spend time on, know that you will never get that time back. All of us have been given a time to live on this earth, and we need to make the most of it. The next thing I want to share with you lesson three is your identity can evolve. One of the greatest gifts of getting older is giving yourself permission to change. This is the whole ethos of living the empowered life. It's about change. You know, I've talked about it through my books, Exceptional, Not Expected, Volume 1 and Volume Two. If you haven't got those books, do you know do have a read of them, you'll find them in the show notes on Amazon, Walkstones, all that stuff. I talk about change, I talk about living exceptional, not expected. You know, as you get older, it doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in whatever it is you're doing. You know, it's okay to give yourself permission to change. You know, we outgrow jobs, we outgrow friendships, beliefs, dreams, you know, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that we failed, it just means that we've evolved, it means we've changed. The person who got us to where we are now doesn't need to be the person who carries us into the next chapter. I can clearly see in my life the the girl that I was from in my teenage years, from 10 to 18, to the girl to the young woman I was in my in my early 20s, to the woman I was kind of changing in my 30s, and the woman that I, you know, grew into confidently in my 40s is not the same woman. But you know, a lot of the time, as I've said on other episodes, growth requires courage. And you know, that can be hard for a lot of people. It took me a while to gear up to have courage to do change in my life when I entered into my you know mid-30s and stuff. But I realized I was in a unique space because I had lost so much already that even in trying I didn't have nothing to lose. I want you to know that reinvention is available at every age. The person you were then is not the person you are now, and you don't have to stay like that. You don't have to stay the person that people have known you for. It's okay to change, and if people can't accept that you're changing and growing positively for the better, that's on them, not on you. Lesson four I want to share with you is relationships matter more than achievements. As I shared, I had a thing where I was just achieving absolutely everything, you know, because obviously I felt that time was against me because I lost over two decades dealing with sexual abuse, and I went through a phase of just from 35 to like 45, maybe and a bit older, of just doing absolutely everything, you know, and I appreciate my achievements. I'm glad that I've achieved the things that I've achieved. I didn't come through a traditional route, I had to create opportunities for myself, I had to work twice as hard, I had to do all those things. I don't regret that, but I've realized that success without meaning of meaningful relationships can feel empty, and you know, meaningful relationships doesn't amount to how many meaningful relationships you have, it's about with the key quality people in your life. Besides my achievements, the moments I do treasure, you know, are little things like the conversations I've had with my husband, my daughters, you know, shared laughters, quiet mornings, all different things, you know. People may not remember everything we've achieved, but they will remember how we made them feel, and I have witnessed that firsthand within my family from the things that my husband and daughter says to me through right through to just the work that I've been doing for the last 15 years, and I'll be doing a whole post about that because I've been founder of a non-profit organization for 15 years supporting survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and the conversations I've had with those women and the and some of the men that I've helped to try and get the courage and strength to go through their own journey has stuck with me and will always stick with me. How I was able to make them feel in a time when they were in a dark and desperate place, you know, is something I will hold on to. And what I've come to realize is that love, connection, and presence are life's greatest investments, including, I should say, how you spend your time. The next thing I want to say to you, and this is the last quick lesson I want to share with you, is that it's never too late. Turning 50, turning 40, turning 30, wherever you are at a milestone birthday, you know, it doesn't need to feel like you're reaching the finishing line, it could feel like you're standing at another starting line. For me, I am taking it as I'm at a new starting line. There are dreams to chase, there's places to explore, people to meet, skills to learn, uh ways to serve people. Age isn't a permission for me to slow down, it's my permission to become more authentic and become less concerned about you know pleasing others. And I think actually I cracked that at 40 when I stepped out and um left my job. But it's very easy to get caught up in what other people, what other people want to put on you from their own fears and insecurities and everything else, you know, because they want you to do certain things. So, you know, it's not about being concerned with pleasing people, it's more committed for me to live with purpose. That is how I'm trying to go into my 50s, more committed to living with purpose, with focus, with intention, and yeah, everything is a work in progress. And as I step into my 50th birthday, there are a few promises I'm making to myself. One is to do more things that I enjoy, to do new things, and I'm gonna be sharing with you something new I'm gonna be doing over the next few weeks to protect my peace, to live intentionally, to say what I mean, to spend time with people who bring out the best in me. Another thing is to keep learning, to stay curious, to look after my health, to be grateful for ordinary days and boring days. And you know, just to remember, because ordinary days are in fact extraordinary. Ordinary, boring days are extraordinary. So I'm gonna have more of those as I go into my 50s. I want to just say to you, if you are listening today, I'd love to just you know, just leave you with one question. If you were beginning the next chapter of your life tomorrow, what would you choose to carry forward and what would you finally leave behind? And yeah, I am going to enjoy my 50th birthday, you know, and I'm going to go into my 50s, you know, really taking the life lessons that I've learned this far with me and using them to elevate me to the next level. So before I finish the episode, I just want to share with you a Bible scripture that comes from Isaiah 43, verse 18 to 19, and it's from the New International Version. It says, Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I'm doing a new thing. Now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and a stream and streams in the wasteland. And you know, I've shared this Bible scripture throughout my exceptional not expected books, probably on Napa Podcasts, you know, because it's very hard to forget the former things if the former things have caused you setbacks. But there is nothing to say that when you're looking on the form of things, you cannot reflect on how far you've come and take from the form of things the lessons that you want to in order to go forward positively. So, guys, thank you for sharing your time with me, listening into this podcast episode. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who's approaching a new season of life. And until the next time, remember your age doesn't define your possibilities, your mindset, guys. I've talked about this on other podcasts, you know, about mindset. Keep living with intention, courage, and purpose. Keep striving towards living the empowered life because your best years are still ahead of you. So that is it, guys. Until the next episode, take care.