Episode 2: Brock Austin and Sonya Winters

In this episode... Poppy and Beibo explore Google Translate, Walt puts on a puppet show, Conall returns, and Mary's fans invade. Then, they premiere the first segment of the saga of Brock and Sonya, featuring a dancefloor and the enigmatic Emergency Man. Plus: the jingles "Ziffrin Brittenham" and "Werner's Mortuary"! 

KOLD is written, mixed, and directed by Isabelle Rogers, with tech support by Tim Rogers and music by Val Haynes. The cast for this episode is: 

Scott Barkhurst as Joe
Bill Furtick as Conall Kaleo
Tray Hammond as Beibo Suncloud 
Greg Havton as Victor 
Pamela Lehan-Siegel as Mary
Aimee Manley as Katy
Mary McCoy as Narrator/Petunia Stonebury
Emma Paulini as Poppy Valley
Thor Rogers as Walter Kay
Dante Thanhardt as Maximiliano 
Adrienne West as Eleanor Krakaufsky

"KOLD Theme" performed by Emma Paulini; "Ziffrin Brittenham" performed by Emma Paulini, Thor Rogers, Isabelle Rogers, and Greg Havton; "Werner's Mortuary" performed by Emma Paulini, Thor Rogers, and Isabelle Rogers

Transcript

NARRATOR
Welcome back! Or if you’re new to KOLD Radio, let me catch you up on the exciting events- Eleanor, the station manager and a nostalgia addict, is trying to convince my idol, Mary, and her dim husband Joe to invest in the struggling station. To turn back the clock to the days when families closed their eyes and listened to radio dramas together. She introduced them to the few broadcasters remaining at the station - college students Poppy and Beibo, and hyperactive teen Walt - but had to stall as she’s still waiting for the appearance of Conall, the man with the golden voice. And then Mary, our beloved diva, got frustrated, so she had to sing one of her hits. Acapella!!

SFX: Clip of Mo Ghile Mear from previous episode.

NARRATOR
She sure taught them not to dismiss her! But it turned out her song was going out on the air...and the most devoted fans of Mary’s music, led by I, Petunia Stonebury, learned that she was in our very town, breathing the same air as us!! We chose to see this as an opportunity to prove that those maligned as “crazy fans” were saner than anyone else in this wild world. So Katy, Maximiliano, Victor and I set off to pick the lock of the KOLD Radio front door and prove our sanity.

SFX: Eleanor closes the door of the booth and stands in front of Mary and Joe.

ELEANOR
There is absolutely nothing to worry about! The doors are securely locked - (whispering) Poppy, go lock all the doors! And we’ll make sure you’re thoroughly entertained!

SFX: Poppy locks all the doors.

JOE
Huuh, she makes a point there! It’s safer to wait out the nutty fans than go out an’ expose yourself! Remember when they climbed into the back of our tour van?

MARY
I told you not to get a pick-up truck, but you insisted on the bargain! It was tacky an’ dangerous!

JOE
Kinda like your first an’ only role on Broadway, luv.

ELEANOR
ANYWAY- let me just introduce you to our resident foley and jingle expert, Walter Kay!

JOE
You’re still waitin’ for that Irish fellow Conall to present your radio play?

ELEANOR
He always comes back to the station after a stern talk with his mother. Everything will be fine. Walter?

SFX: Walt plays a snippet from “Ziffrin Brittenham” to introduce himself.

WALT
At your service! It’s an honor to meet you, Miss Mary!

MARY
...Little laddie, I think you addressed me that way before, but it didn’t sink in. Miss Mary? Miss Mary?! MISS MARY? No one’s called me that in years.

JOE
You haven’t been a Miss in years, luv! And years, and years...

MARY
Of course, I’m technically Mrs. Mary, but I WISH... It’d be lovely if you could call me Miss Mary.

WALT
Hi there, Mr. Joe.

JOE
Uhh, lad, you can call me Joe. No need to be so, uhh, formal.

WALT
Okay, Mr. Joe.

NARRATOR
As Walt entertained Mary and Joe with his foley contraptions, Beibo sat in the booth, sniffling and wiping his eyes, and flicked through his phone.

SFX: Poppy opens the booth door and sits down next to Beibo.

POPPY
Hey. Are you ok? You’ve been sniffling for, like, three hours.

BEIBO
Only, like, 15 minutes.

POPPY
Time moves slow here. I’d say we were going back in time, but unfortunately Einstein disproved that. Are you upset - because of Mary’s song?

BEIBO
Yeah. I hadn’t heard that song in like five years, and she performed it live, and it made me think about my fiancé who went to war and is lost at sea.

POPPY
Oh- I’m so sorry?

BEIBO
No no like, that’s what she’s singing about, so I just got really in character. And it was a nostalgia trip. She’s a genius.

POPPY
Ohh. I didn’t really get that from the song. I didn’t know if it was her accent or what, but all I got was that she was totally in love with some guy named Shane Molay Mo Gilla Mar.

BEIBO
That’s all because it’s in Irish. Let me pull up the lyrics on Google Translate...

POPPY
Er, you’re dripping on your phone.

BEIBO
Yeah, sorry, thanks...It goes: Cuckoo cheerfully/Weeping hard’s forecast of tears/As the release my lively boy/’S are calculated from him, my sorrow.

POPPY
How do you cuckoo cheerfully? Cuckoo! Cuckooooo!

BEIBO
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

POPPY
Go on then...

BEIBO
It continues: The cuckoo sings not pleasantly at noon/The voice is not in a dog nut/Nor summer morning in misty glen/Since it went, my lively boy.

POPPY
“The voice is not in a dog nut?”

BEIBO
Maybe it’s a metaphor. We can’t underestimate the power of Google Translate.

POPPY
Yeah, I get what you mean. These are, like, powerful lyrics. They’re making *me* tear up now.

NARRATOR
Poppy and Beibo sat in the booth for a long time and joked about things they found on Beibo’s phone. Their humor started to sound like an alien language, so I thought I’d spare you and check in with Joe, Walt, and Mary.

JOE
Little lad, what is this “foley” stuff? Sounds like a word that you might’ve made up...maybe after a few too many pints, eh?

WALT
Oh no! Foley is a historical career path! We foley artists make uncommon sound effects from common materials, Mr. Joe. If you’ve got a sound effect that needs to be made, I can do it for ya!

SFX: Walt makes various retro sounds.

WALT
Like this horrifying sound from the well-known radio play “Horrible Happenings At Hawser Manor”!

SFX: Squeaky hinges.

JOE
A door that needs a bit o’ oil doesn’t scare me, lad!

WALT
No, it’s Dr. Hawser’s squeaky hinges! Gives me chills, Mr. Joe.

MARY
Now little Walter, is that a theremin?

WALT
A theremin, yep! One of the greatest instruments!

MARY
I used to be a Therapeutic Theremin Champion - in truth, it’s how I got signed to Joe’s record label! I think I’ll try yours out!

WALT
Be my guest!

SFX: Theremin music, and Mary laughing to herself and having a great time. Plays continuously in the background.

JOE
While she’s distracted - Come here to me, lad. So, this sound-making business is sort of like pretendin’ to be other people, right?

WALT
Um, no, Mr. Joe, it’s not like that...

JOE
Can you do an impression of my wife, lad?

WALT
Why? She’s right there...

JOE
Just for a laugh, lad. I just want a laugh. She glares at me whenever I laugh...

WALT
Um, okay, Mr. Joe...

NARRATOR
With characteristic verve, Walt pulled two hand puppets from his pockets. They were red and blue socks, with a shock of yarn hair like they had just stuck their nonexistent fingers in a socket. They also sported realistic doll eyes.

SFX: The theremin stops.

NARRATOR
Unfortunately, this spectacle attracted Mary’s attention. The two hand puppets began to speak to each other.

WALT / “JOE”
Huuh, hey there, luv, what d’ya want to do today?

WALT / “MARY”
Oh, I dunno Joe, how about we go down to the pub and have some colcannon and Guinness and then go home and snuggle or somefin?

WALT / “JOE”
That’s what we do every day, luv!

WALT / “MARY”
Well, let’s do it again!

WALT / “JOE”
Huuh, okay!

WALT / “MARY”
(*kissing sounds*) My corned beef and cabbage!

WALT / “JOE”
(*kissing sounds*) My Jameson Irish whiskey!

SFX: Mary and Joe laughing together.

JOE
Lad, I’m not trying to be offensive, but you’re a bloody terrible impersonator!

MARY
Yeah, little laddie, I’m going to have to agree with my husband. The last time I did that, we were laughing about how my brother’s career was total shite...

JOE
And that was back in ’73.

WALT
Well, Mr. Joe, at least she let you laugh this time!

JOE
That’s true! All because you made a right hash of it!

WALT
Also - Mr. Joe, Mom always told my big sister that when boys are mean to you, it really means they love you. And you, Miss Mary, you’re just playing hard to get...You really love each other! It’s obvious!

SFX: Mary laughs.

JOE
If you mean the Hallmark movie sort of love, I think you’ll be very disappointed, lad.

MARY
Our sort of love is spelt T-O-L-E-R-A-T-E.

WALT
Haha. Very funny. Tol *er* a-te. Now this is the part where you’re supposed to realize yes, of course I’m right and apologize and then you-

MARY
Then what?

WALT
Well, I always plug my ears after that in the radio plays.

MARY
No reason to plug your ears now, lad. Nothin’ like that is going to happen.

JOE
And it hasn’t for years!

MARY
AND D’YA WANT TO KNOW WHY, LUV?

JOE
Cos you got tired of me, I suppose! Maybe I couldn’t measure up to those boyos in the Lakedance!

MARY
Don’t you bring Danny-O into this!

NARRATOR
Walt couldn’t stand to hear them fighting. To be honest, neither could I... and in a major breach of professional standards, instead of learning all the details for this section of my Mary-Ography, I ignored it. I wanted to plug my ears, close my eyes, and roll into a ball, like Walt did in this moment.

ELEANOR
Walter? Walter, dear, you have to unroll yourself now... Conall Kaleo is here! 

WALT
Really? He’s still gonna work for you? 

SFX: Knocking on the outside door continuously during this section.

CONALL
Did I miss something? I thought it was another day at the office.

ELEANOR
Conall! You actually came back! I mean, of course you did, as expected, since you were simply stuck in traffic. I’m so glad you’re here!

MARY
Ah, so this is your Irish legend, Conall?

JOE
I don’t think he’s wearin’ enough sequins to count as a legend.

MAXIMILIANO
Should we get out the concrete drill now? Time for a foot-wide hole!

VICTOR
That Conall guy will be back for us, there’s no need to break the law.

PETUNIA
No, let’s try my hair pins again!

KATY
They always work to pick locks in movies!!

CONALL
I’m not Irish. I would think that was evident enough in my voice, since that’s all anyone judges me on.

ELEANOR
Conall, meet my investors and music legends, Mary and Joe. Conall is a radio legend himself, on the air continuously in radio drama/newscasting since 1955.

CONALL
Indeed. Let me go open the outside door - there’s a pack of be-sequined people who were insistent that I open it for them.

SFX: Conall walks towards it.

JOE
More sequins? Huuh, luv, that must be your fans!

ELEANOR
Conall, no! They’re firmly on the do not enter list!

CONALL
I don’t know what’s going on here,  but you’re in no position to turn anyone away from your station, Eleanor.

SFX: Conall unlocks the door.

NARRATOR
Conall, who would forever be our hero after that moment, unlocked the door. The grimace on Eleanor’s face grew bigger.

ELEANOR
That’s a fireable offense, Conall...

CONALL
But you’ll let me off this time because you need me. I get it.

KATY
Oh my Mary, the hair pin thing worked! The movies don’t lie to us!

MAXIMILIANO
So I rented this drill for nothing?

PETUNIA
Shh. Serious faces on. We are about to see Mary in the flesh and change the course of history!

SFX: Petunia opens the door.

NARRATOR
We walked into the KOLD studios and tried to be as professional as possible - but then we saw *her*. The real Mary. A cornerstone of our childhoods, car rides, career paths and hopes for the future. Our best friend. Maybe our celebrity crush. We stood there staring at her, faces frozen and grinning, for two minutes.

JOE
Do you think their circuitry is breakin’ down, luv?

MARY
I said I didn’t want any more face-to-face contact with fans, Joe! They’re far too unpredictable, and...

JOE
What? I figured you’d like more people to fawn over your every move an’ act like your armpits smell like fresh-baked soda bread.

MARY
Well, sure, I wouldn’t mind someone who respects my brilliance a wee bit more, but they...

ELEANOR
Conall, I am extremely frustrated with you. Take this script and prepare for performance with Poppy and Beibo while I clean up your mess.

CONALL
Four people in black sequin jumpsuits is not a mess. A fashion disaster, perhaps. But as you wish, boss.

SFX: Conall goes to the booth and sits down with Poppy and Beibo. Eleanor’s footsteps over to the fans.

MARY’S FANS
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

NARRATOR
The buzzkill Eleanor walked up and  waved her hand in front of our faces.

ELEANOR
Hello? Eleanor Krakaufsky, Managing Director of KOLD Radio-

MAXIMILIANO
Eeeeeeee- We know you, Eleanor!

ELEANOR
Um, will I have to call 911 on this crisis you’re having? You sound like- helium balloons.

KATY
Eeeeeeee- No, we’re fine!! These are squeals of joy!

PETUNIA
Yes, we’re actually here to save Mary!

VICTOR
And to save the world. We believe the world needs to hear Mary’s magical voice again... even if it has to mean she returns to Pagan Female, where she outclassed every performer.

PETUNIA
That’s just Victor’s personal opinion.

ELEANOR
O-Kay. Well, as you can see, Mary is standing far away from you, because she is afraid of you, so...

MARY
That’s not true! They’re far less crazy than they used to be!

PETUNIA
H-Hi, Hi, Hi Mary!!

KATY
So that’s what she looks like now?

MAXIMILIANO
She looks so different!

JOE
Huuh, luv, you want these nutters here? I don’t think they realize that your appearance an’ voice has, uhh, transformed since the album covers of your glory years.

MARY
Sure, you eejit... that’s why I was so worried about goin’ on this trip! They want me to be a fresh-faced thirty-five year old in the flowin’ dress under a waterfall, and I’m not!

JOE
Huuh, as I recall that dress never  zipped in the first place.

MARY
An’ I suggested some light airbrushin’ around the eyes- but it wasn’t all fake. Those were my glory days - but it’s not right for me to doubt myself. Once they adapt to the real me, they’ll do whatever I like an’ think my armpits smell like potpourri! Which they do.

ELEANOR
Oh. So I’m hearing that Mary is *not* afraid of you, and...she wants you here?

VICTOR
Oh my Mary. Yes!!!

WALT
Hey, Miss Eleanor - I’m working on the rhymes for “Werner’s Mortuary”, and they’re going really good! What rhymes with “kick the bucket”?

ELEANOR
There are a lot of rhymes, Walter, I’m kind of busy right now - wait, no! There are some things you just shouldn’t rhyme!! 

WALT
Ducket? Lucket? Pucket?

ELEANOR
Just go in a whoooole different direction, Walter. But that gives me an idea... Jumpsuit squad here! Can you sing?

VICTOR
Why would you even need to ask that?

KATY
Of course we’re singers, no matter what our vocal cords might have to say about that situation!

PETUNIA
Mary inspired us to sing! She motivated us to do almost everything in our lives! Including, for me, to become the world-renowned author of the comprehensive, (unauthorized) Mary-Ograp-

ELEANOR
Great! I love it! Waaaaalter!! I have singers for your jingles!!

WALT
Oh, fantastic! Maybe they can do harmonies on this Werner’s Mortuary song! It might be better than *the best part of waking up...* Well, unless I plagiarized it.

ELEANOR
So! Everything is ready! Mary, Joe, just sit on these nice comfy chairs-

NARRATOR
They were mismatched flowery chairs borrowed from the nursing home upstairs.

ELEANOR
And listen to our old-time radio show, written by an established radio play author and performed by our very own audio crew.

MARY
This better not be a pile of shite.

JOE
Of course not, luv! Why would I bring you all the way here for something you could get at one of your brother’s concerts at home?

SFX: Mary and Joe laugh. Then, a heroic fanfare plays, extra loud.

CONALL
Have you ever wondered what the sunset on another planet might be like? Or what birds might soar in the skies of a prehistoric Earth?

JOE
Uhh, no.

CONALL
Do you ever ponder what the presence of a ghost feels like, or what strange creatures lurk on the surface of mysterious planets?

JOE
Uhh, no. Listen, I’m a businessman, lad! I think about CD sales and taxes and revenue shrinking... and shrinking, and shrinking...

CONALL
Well, wonder no more!

JOE
Why isn’t the lad listening to me, luv?

MARY
Maybe because he’s a right impertinent fella! Or because you’re a complete eejit, chatterin’ about losin’ money in front of my fans!

CONALL
Welcome to EERIE TALES FROM THE AETHER, our new flagship program.

JOE
Oooooh, was he doin’ his radio broadcast? I am an eejit!

CONALL
Every late afternoon on EERIE TALES FROM THE AETHER, we give you the spookiest, creepiest experience... Guaranteed to shock you, thrill you, terrify you, and seduce you! And it’s all broadcast right to your transistor radio! This afternoon on EERIE TALES: In the not-so-far future... Two complete strangers meet at a dance, igniting a passionate fire inside them. But when is a dance more than a dance? What does the world have in store for these futuristic paramours? And will that fire spark love, or burn out? THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE WILL BE ANSWERED... after this short commercial break.

JOE
What d’ya think is gonna happen, luv?

MARY
I’m going to get bored, tell them all to get stuffed, and walk out, luv! The only way it could be worse would be if someone started singin’!

WALT
A-one, A-two, A-one two three!

MARY’S FANS
*Ziffrin, Brittenham, Bronca Fisher, Gilbert-Luri and Cook*
*Stiffelman, Johnsonlande and Wolf, they’re the attorneys for you.*
*If your hands are caught in the cookie jar*
*And you don’t know what to do...*
*Then Ziffrin, Brittenham, Bronca Fisher...*
*They’re the attorneys for you.*

JOE
“Caught in the cookie jar!” Huuh, back home I still can’t solve the mystery of why the cookies in the pot o’ gold jar keep disappearing!

MARY
No comment. You’re probably eating ‘em in your sleep! But in the name of all that is in tune, Joe, what did we just hear? Those fanatics o’ mine need to stop stabbin’ my ears out!

JOE
I thought it sounded rather nice.

MARY
Ah sure, ‘cos you’re always so charitable to everyone but me!

JOE
You have to be stealin’ the cookies, luv! It’s the only thing that makes sense!

SFX: “Hip” 80s style background music plays.

CONALL
Now. This Afternoon’s Show. In a bustling, frenzied big city on a faraway, futuristic planet, on a Friday night, a group of young, hip teen-agers and twenty-somethings are dancing. It’s a ritual dance - the kids have been doing it as long as they remember. Everyone knows it by heart. The floor is filled with small, multicolored squares.

BEIBO
It’s Dance Dance Revolution!

POPPY
Oh my god, it is!

MARY
Well, luv, it’s like that dance floor in Saturday Night Fever!

JOE
I remember when I had a suit like that John Travolta fella. Looked quite dashin’ on me!

MARY
40 years ago when we were both more muscular, and powder blue suits were in fashion. What were we thinkin’?

CONALL
The doors burst open and Brock Austin, the renowned sports champion with an exquisitely tanned and bronzed six-pack, saunters in. Brock wanders through the crowd and sees a lone face who seems to glow compared to the rest.

MARY
Ah, no! They’ve named him Brock?

JOE
That’s some brock luck, a brock sign, luv.

NARRATOR
Yes, I learned in my years of research that “brock” is a synonym for “bad” in Irish slang.

BROCK
“Hello.”

SONYA
“Who are you? A lot of strange people frequent my dance hall, but none of them ever look at me like that...”

POPPY
Holy Jane Goodall, this is so stupid!

BROCK
“The name’s Brock Austin. You?”

SONYA
“Sonya Winters. I run this dancehall, and I dance every moment I have. It’s the only thing I really love.”

BROCK
“I’ve never danced before. Teach me?”

SONYA
“Left foot here, you see, and...”

BROCK
“Why do you do it like this?”

SONYA
“What do you mean, why? This is the way you dance. It’s the way we all do.”

BROCK
“Seems to me it would be better if you did it like this.”

CONALL
Brock begins to dance.

SFX: Louder cheesy 80s music.

NARRATOR
Commotion in the KOLD booth drew my attention, and Mary and Joe’s as well! Beibo began to breakdance, apparently to demonstrate his character. Poppy looked strangely entranced. But then, Eleanor entered the booth to correct him! She began swaying her hips and moving her finger in the air, doing a poor Travolta impersonation, and continued with moves such as the Sprinkler, the Snorkeler, and the Skier. Beibo and Poppy put up an impressive effort to stifle their laughter.

CONALL
But he dances differently from the rest. His dance is a blaze of color and beauty, a wild, momentous surprise, a wondrous, magical moment, but it’s wrong. He doesn’t step in time with the music. He doesn’t do the right steps. Everyone walks back in wonder, surprise, and mild horror.

SONYA
“...That’s absolutely amazing. Where did you learn that? How did you...”

BROCK
“I didn’t learn it, I just did what came naturally. Why’s it such a big deal, anyway? It’s just a dance.”

SONYA
“...Just a dance?! Dancing is my whole life. It’s my business. It’s everything!”

CONALL
Suddenly, the lights turn red and a large door labeled “EMERGENCY” hidden in the metal walls opens.

SFX: Alarm beeps, huge metal door sliding open with an extra-silly Walt sound.

CONALL
But before we continue with the story, a word from our sponsor.

MARY’S FANS/POPPY
*If you’ve got a corpse in your basement*
*If you’re a great great grandparent*
*Werner’s Mortuary is there for ya*
*For the mourners we have warm croissants*
*Served by lovely debutants*
*Your wake will be the envy of the nation*
*Werner’s Mortuary and Catering*
*Werner’s Mortuary and Catering*
*We are experts in quinceañeras*
*And gender inclusive Jewish mitzvahs*
*But remember that our focus is dead people*
*You may be captivated by our petit fours*
*Or by our snacks for carnivores*
*Just remember that our focus is dead people*
*Werner’s Mortuary and Catering*
*Werner’s Mortuary and Catering!*

MARY
Ah, I almost don’t want to tell the little laddie how badly he plagiarized...

JOE
Cos that was a complete masterpiece, it was!

MARY
But payin’ those Hallelujah royalties will take up all of his college fund!

CONALL
Back to our story... After the door opens, a small, squat, red-faced man comes out of the hidden door with a clipboard.

BROCK
“Who are you, and how dare you interrupt my glorious dancing?”

CONALL / EMERGENCY MAN
“Well, look at that. I’m out of the closet I’ve been living in all my life. What do you think of that, Milton? What do you have to say for yourself, Milton?”

BROCK
“Milton? My name’s Brock. Brock Austin. Not very nice to meet you.”

EMERGENCY MAN
“I can’t believe I’m out, I’m finally out. Living there in that damp, dank little closet for years, surrounded by voracious, flesh-eating mice with only a few freeze-dried meals to live on... Milton, ol’ boy, why did you ever let them lock you up in there?”

BROCK
“There’s no Milton here. Just tell me what’s going on.”

SFX: Suspenseful music.

EMERGENCY MAN
“Hmmmmmm... It’s you, huh? You’re the first one, you know.”

BROCK
“The first what?”

EMERGENCY MAN
“Everyone here dances exactly the same way, with the same steps. It’s a test, this whole operation is, from the colored tiles on the floor to the super-advanced disk jockey system. If you fail the Dance, your intelligence levels are incredibly low, and you must be taken to our laboratories for testing. You’re coming with us, Brock Austin.”

BROCK
“Wait! Before you take me, allow me to share one last passionate kiss with Sonya Winters, the most delicate, beautiful, utterly talented woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of dancing with.”

SONYA
“What are you doing? Are you really going to let them take you?”

BROCK
“I don’t know. But I saw an opportunity to kiss you, and I sure wasn’t going to let that go.”

CONALL
As Sonya looks up into Brock’s soft blue eyes, his chiseled chin, his perfectly sculpted cheekbones, a tear drips down her cheek at the thought of what will soon be his fate.

BROCK
“You tried to teach me how to dance, Sonya Winters. I didn’t listen. And look where it got me. Now maybe you can teach me something else, and I promise I’ll listen this time. Maybe you can teach me... How to love.” 

POPPY
Oh god. The cheese.

BEIBO
I know, right?

POPPY
How did you even say that without spontaneously combusting from the ridiculousness of it?

BEIBO
I’m an actor, Poppy. I dig deep down and play Brock’s action - to convince Sonya of my love. ...And I think about sad puppies.

CONALL
Sonya closes her eyes and leans in for the kiss of her life. But just as they’re getting started, the strange man smashes a large glass box on the wall labeled EMERGENCY, then picks up the red phone and makes a call. Suddenly, a group of 50 government soldiers bursts into Sonya’s dancehall.
“Brock Austin, put your hands up and walk out, very slowly. Very, very slowly...”

BROCK
“And what happens if I don’t? Will you shoot me down in front of this whole crowd? Great PR move.”

EMERGENCY MAN
“Oh, Mr. Austin, we intend to bring you back very alive indeed. But the same can’t be said for the girl...”

BROCK
“Sonya.”

SONYA
(extra ridiculous)
“Brock!!!!” 

BROCK
Hey- Come on- “You have to come with me, Sonya. You have to leave it all behind. Run. Just run!”

SONYA
(still ridiculous)
“I...” 

CONALL
Will Sonya take the great leap and run with Brock? Can they escape the government soldiers? And will love’s legs make the journey or tire out? These questions and more will be answered...in the next section of Eerie Tales from the Aether!

NARRATOR
And once our exciting show returns, we will answer even more questions: Will Poppy be able to make it through the cheese? Why was Walt, during the radio play, alternating between biting his fingernails and watching Mary and Joe? What was behind Conall’s mysterious disappearance? And will Mary agree with the brilliant plan of I, Petunia Stonebury, to return her to her former glory? If you’re interested in the answers, stay tuned and download the next episode!