God, Grief, and Gin: A Spiritual Survivor's Tale

What happens when everything you love disappears? For Gina Economopoulos, this wasn't a hypothetical question but the reality she faced repeatedly throughout her extraordinary life journey.

Gina's path defies easy categorization—bartender turned Catholic nun for twelve years, then back to bartending again. But the thread connecting these dramatic life transitions is grief in its many forms. At 23, she lost her mother to cancer, a devastating blow that propelled her toward religious life seeking meaning and purpose. After twelve years and taking final vows, Gina experienced what she describes as "like a divorce" when she left the religious community following emotional abuse.

Just when she was rebuilding her life, she fell in love with Danny, an alcoholic who died just one month before their wedding day. This final loss plunged her into what she calls "complicated grief"—a state where she "simply existed" rather than lived. "The smile on my face was wiped away," she shares, revealing how she believed her purpose in life was merely to suffer.

The turning point came unexpectedly through Alcoholics Anonymous. Initially attending meetings to understand why Danny died while others recovered, Gina eventually recognized her own alcoholism. Through the program's structure and community, she learned to process grief in healthier ways, confront suppressed emotions, and rebuild her spirituality on more authentic terms.

Today, over ten years sober, Gina has transformed her multiple losses into purpose as an end-of-life doula, supporting dying people and their grieving families. She's authored her first book "Shake the Dust Off your Feet and Walk," sharing her journey of resilience and hope.

Perhaps her most powerful message is the permission she gives others to feel the full range of grief emotions without judgment. "It's okay to feel it," she emphasizes. Equally important is her reminder that finding joy after devastating loss is possible—and not a betrayal of those we've lost.

Contact:
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To Reach Gina:
Gina Economopoulos's Website

Credits: 
Music by Kevin MacLeod 

Copyright 2020, by As I Live and Grieve

The views expressed by guests are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent. 

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to as I Live and Grieve, a podcast that tells the truth about how hard this is. We're glad you joined us today. We know how hard it is to lose someone you love and how well-intentioned friends and family try so hard to comfort us. We created this podcast to provide you with comfort, knowledge and support. We are grief advocates, not professionals, not licensed therapists. We are you.

Speaker 2 0:27

Hi everyone. Welcome back again to another episode of as I Live in Grief. I hope you've all been taking care of yourselves. You know I tell you that every time I sign off, so don't disappoint me, okay. Thanks for finding time to come back and listen again. Another great guest yes, I say it every time and yes, it's true Every time With me today is Gina Economopoulos. Did I do it right again, gina? You did it correct. Great. Thanks so much for joining me today.

Speaker 3 0:57

Oh, thanks for having me, kathy. I appreciate you for being here and for all your listeners to share their time with us, and it's a joy. It's a joy to be here, so thank you.

Gina's Unconventional Life Journey

Speaker 2 1:09

Thank you. Well, I'm going to have you start us off with Gina. Would you kind of introduce yourself to our listeners. Let them know a little bit of your story and why you're here, oh, wow.

Speaker 3 1:20

Yes, as you all know, I'm Gina Economopoulos. I was born and raised on Long Island, New York. One of eight kids, seventh child I went to college. I was a bartender in my life and then I was a Catholic nun for 12 years in my life and then I went back to bartending. So my life has held a lot of twists and turns, a lot of paths, but throughout my past grief always came into play. I lost my mom at a young age, at the age of 23. That was my first, I would say, real grief experience Leaving the nunnery, the sisterhood. That was another grief experience, Absolutely. And then I also, later on, after leaving the sisters, I fell in love with an alcoholic and we were engaged to be married, but then yet he died. So that's another grief experience. But I'm here to tell you that there is hope and that there is strength in all.

Speaker 2 2:26

Absolutely, and, listeners, you can't see the smile on her face, but she has the greatest smile that I've seen in a while and so, yes, it's group positive. So let's talk a little bit on your journey. Now you mentioned, this is one to wrap your head around, bartender, nun, bartender.

Speaker 3 2:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2 2:45

What happened? What happened? That would I mean? I'm sure, when you entered the condom and entered the sisterhood, that you were committed to that life. What happened?

Speaker 3 2:55

So true, so true. Well, I'll back up a little bit, because first I had to know who God was. You know, I need to know who Jesus was before even a vocation of being a sister. As I said, I was raised in a Catholic family, raised Catholic, went to school and college went away from my Catholic church, not away from God, but the Catholic church Didn't need God whatever. That's why I was bartending. I lived like a Sodom and Gomorrah, you know, like in that kind of environment. But that environment I lived in college. So it was something I was used to and I wanted, that I liked, because I was looking for that love, looking for it to be accepted and I was looking in all the wrong places.

Losing Mom and Finding Faith

Speaker 3 3:42

So during that time my mom was diagnosed with cancer back in 1992. I happened to be at home with my dad while bartending and I took care of my mom with my dad and that's the first time that cancer came into our lives. What is cancer? And she was terminally ill right off the get-go. The doctor gave her four to six months to live. After a simple operation on her back, she was diagnosed with bone cancer. So I was clueless. I was clueless. All I know is. I love my mom. I wanted her to live.

Speaker 3 4:17

I was 23 years old, but yet mom died. So when she died, I literally died. I was searching for the meaning of life. I came back to my Catholic roots now. I came back to the aha moment. I had a spiritual experience where I was like, oh my God, my mom's in heaven, jesus is in heaven. This is what I should have known and received as a Catholic Christian on Easter Sunday, you know when. The resurrection. Yeah, you know, heaven is our. You know like that. But it had to do with my mom's death. A lot of tears, a lot of crying. And so now I'm on the other spectrum. You know, bartending is bad. I didn't want to go back to bartending. I'm living this life of Jesus, following Jesus.

Speaker 3 5:06

I meet this young community back then. Now I'm in my 25, 26, but I see this young men and women loving Jesus, loving God and having fun. But they were, you know, an austere wearing a habit, an austere community. So I'm like, yeah, that's what I want, right. So so I did and, like you said, it was a commitment. I was there for 12 years. I did make my final vows, like in any marriage of my marriage was marrying God, the church, the community and the people that we serve. We were Franciscans. So this was it ringing all and everything, and I thought this is my life.

Leaving the Sisterhood Behind

Speaker 3 5:49

But yet I experienced a lot of suffering, pain from the hands of the community. I was rejected, I was sent away. It was just ugly, ugly stuff that was going on in the community. But at the same time I covered my whole life with a smile. I'm not in pain, everything is fine, everything is fine. I know I love myself, I love this. No, I'm not hurting, that doesn't hurt me, and I want you to feel good. I want this, I want peace. Now I'll take it. That was my whole life, that identity that I formed with myself, a false identity. And so by at the end of 12 years of religious life, even though you know part of me, I mean I'm married to God, I can't leave him now. I made, like you said, I like that, I made that commitment, those vows, final vows.

Speaker 3 6:44

But yet, in the long run, the sisters kicked me out. In the long run, the sister says you don't belong here anymore. In the long run, in hindsight, I was emotionally abused In hindsight, and I'm okay with that today but yet once again had to go through a lot of pain and trauma and beef because of leaving, like a divorce. It's like a divorce and I tell you, kathy, the last two years of my religious life, when part of the community, when the community came, approached me and says that you know, we need a break from you, you need to go get help in this. I did everything I can like any marriage would, when a husband and wife so hard to rock, you hear they go to counseling, go this.

Speaker 3 7:29

I went for the counseling, I was sent away. I was like, but they didn't, yeah. And so when I came back to the community after being kind of renewed, refreshed, like, yeah, there's nothing really wrong with me, I'm just what I've learned is that I was. I need to love myself more. There were certain things it was all about me. But yet I really had another spiritual experience, but the sisters didn't receive it, like the sisters. And so they asked me you know, one day they literally says you don't belong here anymore. And I was like what, after 12 years, through my blood sweat and I moved on. I had, I had to move on. I now I'm in my 40s and I'm like, okay, what is life all about for Gina? What am I supposed to do? So I also have to say, kathy, by now, by now, as we all, when we turn like 13, 17, 18, what is your dream? My dream back then was to get married and have eight kids.

Speaker 2 8:31

Well, yeah, that's what it was. That's, yeah, I mean, that's what it was.

Speaker 3 8:35

Yeah, Because my family was so loving, Like my parents. I saw my parents my father worked, my mother took care of the kids. She worked just as hard as my dad did, worked hard together and raised us. And so I was like, yeah, that's what I want. But that wasn't God's plan for me and I didn't realize that and I had to go through a lot of pain, suffering, rejection, uncertainty.

Speaker 2 9:01

If you consider here and now, how do you feel you are now? Are you in a much better place? Oh, yes, yeah. And what did you do? What did you do to get there?

Speaker 3 9:12

I could jump to the moon and back and back and forth. Okay, you know, but back to the moon and back. Yes, what did I do? All I know is that I went through, as I share with you, with grief, and then fast forward. After leaving the sisters, two years later, I met Danny. He was an alcoholic, we fell in love and he ultimately died from the disease.

Alcoholism, Loss, and Rock Bottom

Speaker 3 9:35

And now, at this point, I did not want to live life. At this point, I couldn't smile anymore Because up until then, kathy, I was like, yeah, everything's fine, everything. Yeah, no, I'll get through it, god loves me, you know. Like this and that, yeah, when I found Danny dead a month before our wedding day, I'm like, no, god, I didn't want to live, I didn't mind. The smile on my face was wiped away, and that was back in March of 2013. So, and at that point, honestly, in the guts of my guts, I felt like my life, my purpose in life, was to suffer. It's to suffer. Black cloud, you, whatever you want to call it, pain, suffering. I mean, I'll take it, give it to Gina, like Mikey with the cereal. I don't know if you ever remember that. Yeah, I do, I do. Mikey likes it. Mikey likes it. Give it to Gina. She doesn't like it, but she'll suffer. I don't know how I did it.

Speaker 2 10:32

She'll make you think she likes it. She'll make you think she likes it.

Speaker 3 10:35

She'll make you think that it's okay. Yeah, I'm the strong person. I'm suffering like Jesus, I'm doing this. So after Danny's death, it was a period of time that that was where I was in complicated grief. I really did not want to live, I wanted to die. I wouldn't kill myself, but I just was simply existing. That's how I said it. I was. I also looked at it that when I pictured myself in a hospital bed and you're pressing the button and nobody's coming and you're like in the butt and there's no, and you don't have no more strength to press that button, that's where my mind, soul, body became Like that state I felt. And so I came back to Jersey, because that's where I live today. I live in New Jersey and that's where I met Danny, but yet his tragedy happened in Indiana. So, but then when that all happened, like I said, okay, I returned back to Jersey, simply just, yeah, I'll just wait until I die, whatever.

Speaker 3 11:36

And then I went into the rooms of AA because, like I shared with you, danny was an alcoholic, right, he was in and out of recovery when he was sober. He was a great man and he had a personal tragedy in his life because when he was sober and when everything was great in our life, he had a car accident with his mom in Indiana. That's how we ended up in Indiana, where his mom died, burned up, and Danny burned up. So I also lost his mother too in this whole time, and so I had uplifted and be with Danny in Indiana and then he ultimately died. He went back to drinking and I found him dead. So that happened in his six months. So I'm just sharing you where my mind and heart Well, I got it, and even to the listeners, I mean I was in this state of darkness. It was like forget it.

Speaker 2 12:28

And I couldn't even begin to make any progress before something else happened.

Speaker 3 12:32

Exactly. I was like yep, yeah, it happened. Yeah, yeah, and the smile that you see today was I didn't have a smile. There was no smile, and so I did my own searching again. But my searching was why did Danny die of being an alcoholic and why do people get sober? So I went into the rooms of AA, which is a 12-step program. I just went in crying, listening or whatever, just crying mostly because, I do have to say, tears were my best friend still is. During tears, I felt tears are healing, so I always cry. It's like give me healing, let me cry.

Speaker 3 13:13

Back then could it be a stranger on the street and I would share my story and I would be crying. You know, you want to hear my story. You want to sit on my comfy couch, like I had a pity couch within. So when I went into these rooms, listened and this gentleman there invited me coming to another meeting, and I'm like I'm not an alcoholic, danny is, and he's dead and you're alive, and I'm pissed off. And so I went into these rooms listening and then, 10 months later, just going to these meetings every day, not as an alcoholic, that I came to realize that, oh my God, I'm an alcoholic. So I joined the program, as they would say, without realizing it and and alcoholism was not in my family. I know we like to drink. And then I had a look in hindsight how alcohol was like. Another was my best friend. I realized, well, sure, yeah, something, I ran to something. I thought I'd become like, yeah, I'll be this person. If I drink, I I become more social, believe it or not. Right, I be the center of the attention.

Recovery and Learning to Grieve Properly

Speaker 3 14:17

So on April 2nd 2015, when I said my name was Gina, I'm an alcoholic, everything changed in my life. Didn't realize it at the time, but once again I had another grieving the grieving of alcohol, the grieving of my old behaviors, of being in the self-pity, the victimhood. Look at me grieving up, little Mikey, you know I would say I mean these are all I'm talking about grieving, emotionals inside. I had to let go. I had to let go of that self-pity, I had to let go of that fear and I had to learn. As I'm in the rooms of AA, I had to learn to grieve healthier, in a healthy way, because that does happen and but I wasn't. In my whole life I was not grieving in a healthy way. So, being in the rooms for over 10 years now. Ever since then, one day at a time, I became to know who Gina is. I became to learn who that little girl is that I've been running away from my whole life as a child, and it was just one thing after another, whether it was grief.

Speaker 3 15:26

As a child, I had a lot of surgeries you know what I mean. Like, physically, I wasn't physically well, so I had to really adapt to this. I wasn't physically well, so I had to really adapt to this. As I became sober, I had to realize like, wow, there is a little girl in me. Wow, there is a God that loves me, for me. Wow, you know, I can grieve and cry and be angry in a healthy way. I can be afraid in a healthy way. Today, fear, anger, resentment doesn't control me anymore. It doesn't paralyze me Because life goes on.

Speaker 3 16:02

I know many people have died. My father had died when I was in recovery back in 2016. And I was about a year sober. And so what did I do? I went to a meeting. I talked about it. I had these tools. I dreamt properly, instead of with my mom, with Danny wanting them back and this, I want this. No, I don't know where they are or et cetera.

Speaker 3 16:29

Today I really do have a personal experience with my God, spiritual awareness, a relationship. My faith has grown stronger. I know who I am. I know who God is. I know that I have the taste of heaven. You know I've tasted heaven and so, and that's where I am today. You know I'm just a sober woman of faith today, yeah, and I try. I enjoy life, I show up to life. I show up and be present to those and to share my story, to share my strength, to share my weakness.

Speaker 3 17:02

You know grief for me as, like, I never went to school for grief but my life has experienced grief. So when people do grief for people, you know, for their loved ones, there's nothing I can say to them. I've learned. I've learned that it's okay, especially when they lose someone in the beginning, like the first two years through, it's okay to feel it. It is okay. It's okay. If you want to cry, if you want to be angry, if you want to punch the wall, I'm here. If you want to call me, I can listen. If you want to hit me, go ahead.

Speaker 2 17:34

It's okay, because I never had that when I was grieving in my life with my mom and Danny, as opposed to with the sisters. Yeah Well, it sounds to me like the 12-step program of AA was something that gave you some structure, some support and some approval. So those things are hard to come by if you are grieving and you don't have a community around you, you don't have those friends that will listen to you as you talk or as you scream, or sit with you silently as you cry. But you found all of those things in the rooms of AA, it sounds like to me, and that has brought you to where you are today.

Speaker 2 18:20

You not only recognize it, but you also appreciate it and value it Is that correct?

Speaker 3 18:27

Totally, kathy, that is totally correct. And I know, like when my mom had died I of course I wasn't in any kind of program, but yet I did go to see a counselor. Like I was a person that like, let me talk. I went to and then, especially after Danny died, I went to a special group where families lose someone to alcoholism or addiction, because that's a whole new, different realm, it's a stigma like that. So I had to learn not to be ashamed, not to say, oh, danny died as an alcoholic, no, danny died as an alcoholic, he died from the disease. And I had to learn to let go all that shame. But you're totally correct, because when I came into the rooms of AA, first I had to realize, oh my God, I'm an alcoholic.

Finding Peace as an End-of-Life Doula

Speaker 3 19:13

And I look back in hindsight, that was my problem, my whole life, maybe not the drinking part, but all the isms, the thinking, the manipulations, the fear, the control, like all that that. I was caught up in all that. But then, when I listened and working the steps, and then I had to invite God back in my life, because, as you know, I always say this in the rooms I married God, I divorced God, but now he's back in my life because when I came into the rooms I hated God, and that's another thing. I hated God with a passion. And now if you say that, whether you're in the rooms or even in a Christian environment, they're like no, you can't hate God. Yes, I can. I married it. He knew, know who he is, and that's the kind. And that's because God is to me, is real, and it's not only real to me, he's real to all of us, or whoever your higher power is. It's okay to say, hey, you know what.

Speaker 3 20:13

So back then, when people would say to me you know, before they didn't know I was a nun, I'm in my beginning stages they're like, oh, you know, you know God loves you and God does this and that you know. And in my mind I'm like, no crap, god loves me. I married him. I mean, he knows who I am, he's not like this. And I said he's to relearn, relearn a new life. And that was just. It wasn't. I don't want to say no, it wasn't.

Speaker 3 20:40

It was easy, but yet it wasn't easy because I had to really trust in God, have faith in a higher power. Whether it's someone, it's someone that's not Gina, someone that's not Kathy. I'm sorry, kathy, you're not my God. You know what I mean. It's not like or anyone to really trust and say, hey, I walk with you. I, you know, I let go, I forgive. I mean, I had to go through a lot of forgiveness in my heart. Let go, forgiveness.

Speaker 3 21:04

I had to write a letter to Danny because I was so angry with him when he died. And how could he and Danny, when he was sober, kathy, he was the greatest man, we got engaged and everything. And he said to me he said you know we'd be talking. And now meanwhile I didn't know I had the disease. So, like he's the sick one, I'm thinking. And he said, you know, he goes, gina, I love you so much he goes. There's two things you don't have to worry about. You don't have to worry about that. I won't drink again. I will always be faithful to you.

Speaker 3 21:36

Well, kathy, he ended up drinking, dying drunk, and he was unfaithful. So and I share that because I was hiding that, I was shameful of that, didn't mean he loved me. I mean these are like the steps of the program you said, as well as my higher power as God and other things, I went back to reading the scriptures, you know, just doing little things, walking on the beach. Beach is where heaven and earth meets. That's where I see, I feel, all those who are passed away. I go to heaven, you know, I go to the beach Like. All these things are like resources or sources that help me to be who I am today, to have this smile, to have this and to live life on life's terms.

Speaker 2 22:19

Yeah, and I think sometimes too, when we go through as much as you went through and suffered grief in many different forms loss of someone you loved, loss of a lifestyle or a life you thought you were going to have, loss of a career even, and then loss of another one you loved You'd had grief in many, many different forms. But sometimes we as grievers and I'm going to say thank you to Megan Devine for the phrase it's okay to not be okay, but as grievers, I don't think we realize and accept readily that it's also okay to be okay, that when we're grieving, we can move forward, we can keep going, whether you have the help of a 12-step program and I know AA is one of them, but there are others as well there are therapists, there are clinicians, there are many, many ways. There are support groups, bereavement groups and everything Excellent programs out there that it's okay to work on yourself, to help yourself heal some, so that you can be okay. It's okay to be okay. So I think it's marvelous that you've done what you've done.

Speaker 3 23:28

And another tool just to share briefly is journaling. I journal and sometimes I'm like no, I can't write that People are going to think I'm crazy. No, no, no, I'm going to write this because this is how I feel, this is who I am, and if they read it I don't really care, because once it's on paper, you know feelings are okay. You know they're not facts. Feelings are not facts. You know they feel this way. They come and go, they ebb flow. You know like this and you learn that. But that's not who I am. Like, okay, I hate, that's not who I am. That's how I feel today. You know we go on.

Speaker 2 24:04

Well, journaling does definitely help you get that feeling out of your system onto paper and it's just like if you have a solid friend or someone at a meeting that you can verbalize something that makes you angry or something that you feel guilty about or ashamed about. And you can do that knowing that no one's going to judge you. You're in a safe space to judge you. You're in a safe space, but if you can get it out of you, it saves so much of that pent-up emotion that really causes us a lot of the symptoms of grief Perfect.

Speaker 3 24:36

Yeah, so true. And the last thing I'll share is that now, today, believe it or not, I'm an end-of-life doula. I'm present to the people who are dying and I'm with their families grieving. I help them out. You know, I don't help them. I'm there. I do help them.

Speaker 2 24:52

However they want their their hell I serve they are there, yeah, and you're that non-judgmental person that will just sit with them in silence. If you need to listen to them, if that's what they need, whatever they need, you're there to help them, yeah and that and that's what they need.

Speaker 3 25:10

Whatever they need, you're there to help them and that's exactly what I do. And it became a passion of my mind which I never thought.

Final Thoughts and Closing

Speaker 2 25:20

There's many things I never thought I would be today An alcoholic and recovery end-of-life doula, just sharing my experience, strength and hope to you know, to your listeners, to others, but it's fabulous Well you've really come full circle and from crises of faith several of them, it sounds like to where you are today and now you're helping others that are facing end of life and you support their families as well, as they sit with them and try to grapple with the concept that they're going to lose someone they love.

Speaker 3 25:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2 25:51

True, so thank you. Sadly, the time has come where we need to wind things up. This is the point where I turn the microphone over to my guests so that you can speak directly to our listeners without me interrupting you with questions or comments. So the floor is yours, gina.

Speaker 3 26:07

It's Cassie, and to all your listeners, I want to thank you for listening to us and you can find it all. I am a first-time author. I wrote my book Shake the Dust Off your Feet and Walk. It's available on Amazon and you can catch more on my website, GinaEconcom. And the last thing I'd like to share with you all is that do not lose hope. Do not be discouraged. Know that you're not alone. And if nobody told you that they loved you, today I do Peace, oh, I like that.

Speaker 2 26:37

I like that. Thank you again so much, gina, for coming on here and just sitting and chatting with me. It's been such a pleasure and your story is inspiring, it's engaging and it's nothing short of your own personal miracle in a lot of ways. So, listeners, we have to say goodbye, and someone has informed me that every time I have to wrap up, I suffer a little grief for letting y'all go, but I know you'll come back again next time. Continue to take care of yourselves, please. That's a priority when you're grieving, and I'll catch you next time as we all continue to live and grieve.

Speaker 1 27:17

Thank you so much for listening with us today. Do you have a topic that you'd like us to cover or do you have a question from one of our episodes? Please email us at info at as I live and grievecom, and let us know. We hope you will find a moment to leave a review, send an email and share with others. Join us next time as we continue to live and grieve together.