First, Brush Your Teeth

When Lisa Espinoza said goodbye to her son Chandler as he left for work on his BMX bike in December 2018, she had no idea that casual "I love you" would be their final exchange. Hours later, a call from the hospital began an 18-day journey that would end with the unthinkable—the loss of her vibrant, adventure-seeking 23-year-old son to catastrophic brain injuries.

Facing grief's crushing weight, Lisa made a remarkable choice. She began writing—first on CaringBridge to update loved ones during Chandler's hospitalization, then continuing daily for a full year after his death. This practice became both her lifeline and eventually her book, "First Brush Your Teeth: Grief and Hope in Real Time," offering readers a raw, unfiltered journey through early grief without the retrospective polish most memoirs contain.

Lisa's perspective on grief challenges conventional wisdom. She shares how her family has preserved Chandler's presence in their lives, speaking his name freely and naturally at gatherings. When her young granddaughter (whose middle name is Chandler) recently asked innocent questions about "fixing" the uncle she never met, it triggered another layer of grief—watching her children and grandchildren process this profound absence. Yet these painful moments coexist with Lisa's powerful message that joy remains possible even after devastating loss. Wearing a ring inscribed with "WWCD" (What Would Chandler Do), she reminds herself that truly honoring her son means embracing life rather than creating a mausoleum of grief.

Whether you're navigating your own grief journey or supporting someone who is, Lisa's compassionate wisdom offers a roadmap for putting one foot in front of the other. Start with the simplest self-care—brush your teeth, then perhaps get dressed, maybe take a walk. These small steps, taken day after day, become the path forward through unimaginable loss. Reach out to Lisa through her website for grief coaching or simply to connect with someone who truly understands.

Contact:
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To Reach Lisa:
Website: 
First, Brush Your Teeth — Lisa Espinoza - Author, Coach, and Speaker

 
Credits: 
Music by Kevin MacLeod 

Copyright 2020, by As I Live and Grieve

The views expressed by guests are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent. 

Transcript

Podcast Introduction

Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to as I Live and Grieve, a podcast that tells the truth about how hard this is. We're glad you joined us today. We know how hard it is to lose someone you love and how well-intentioned friends and family try so hard to comfort us. We created this podcast to provide you with comfort, knowledge and support. We are grief advocates, not professionals, not licensed therapists. We are you.

Speaker 2 0:28

Hi everyone, Welcome back again to another episode of as I Live and Grieve. I hope y'all take care of yourselves there. I go with that y'all again. You'd think I lived in the South. Well, I did for a period of time and that y'all word just, oh, it's just so comforting to me. So, hey, y'all hope you've been taking care of yourself. With me today is Lisa Espinoza. Lisa, thanks for joining me today. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it Absolutely. It's my pleasure. So would you start us out today and just tell a little bit of your background, a little bit of your story to our listeners so they can get to know who is Lisa.

Speaker 3 1:06

Well, like the big, you know, overhead view would be. I've been married for 42 years, almost Four kids grown, two grandbabies. That is really the most awesome thing that can ever happen to somebody and two dogs a weenie dog and a golden doodle that I hope won't bark while we're talking, and so that's kind of a little bit about where I am, my station in life. But I'm here because I have lost a child and I'm in that group of people that no one ever wants to be in, so I. It's kind of I don't know surreal that we're having this conversation today, because just last night I got a call from my oldest son and I could tell he'd been crying. He FaceTimed me. When he FaceTimes me I always answer because I figure, oh, he's got my grandbaby with him and she wants to tell me something, absolutely. So I answered it and I could tell that he had been crying and said mom, I took my daughter to the jacuzzi tonight to just hang out and while we were there we met somebody who knew Chandler and Chandler is my son that we lost. He said that this person knew Chandler and we just talked about Chandler for a while and he goes afterwards.

Speaker 3 2:23

My daughter started asking me questions about Chandler and her middle name is Chandler. She's named uncle. He died before she was born and she said, daddy, can we fix him? And it just, it was breaking my son's heart and you know. And he said we're going to celebrate. You know, we celebrate his birthday every year. And she said, but I don't want to celebrate if he can't be there. Can he be there? And so here I am today. It just we lost him on January 1st 2019. And it doesn't get, as you hear people say all the time. It doesn't get easier, it just gets different. Yeah, so even these years later, we're dealing with, yeah, uncle Chandler is not here and you wish you could fix him and you want him. She's like I won't meet him. Can I meet him? She's four. Oh, so, yeah, that's my story.

Speaker 3 3:16

So my son Chandler he was on his way to work December 15th 2018 on his beloved BMX bike. He was a crazy one. He was like a golfer, a dancer, a hiker, a surfer, a BMX biker. He did all the things that defy gravity and just loved life. So this BMX bike had been a bike that you know, he's done flips on and all kinds of craziness, and so he was riding it to works. He didn't live too far from I mean work, too far from the house. So as I hear somebody walking down the hall, it was close to Christmas and so I yelled out. I didn't know which one of my kids it was, because they all have a CH name. So I'm like, hey, whoever you are, do you want to go with us tonight to look at Christmas lights? I didn't know which one it was. It turns out it was Chandler and he yells back mom, I got to get to work, I work tonight. So I said, okay, I love you honey. He said I love you mom.

Lisa's Story and Losing Chandler

Speaker 3 4:09

And a couple hours later I was shopping and TJ Maxx for secret angels for work, and I get a call from a hospital and they say are you Chandler Espinosa's mother? And I'm like, yes, what's wrong and wrong. And they said, well, you need to get to the hospital. And I thought, okay, here we go again. We've been called by the hospital because he picked up a rattlesnake. One time oh my god, we've been in hospital because he like cracked like a cervical vertebrae body surfing. He had had rib contusions. He, he was just that he broke his collarbone falling out of the toy box when he was like so I, this is another one of those deals. And I said, okay, I'll be there. I says okay, and they said you just need to get here. So I thought, okay, well, I'll just go ahead. Now, this is how crazy, this is my life, which I'll just go ahead and pay and then I'll go. But then something hit me because he said my son's been, your son's been hit by a car. And I thought, okay, he's been hit by a car. This may be different than all the other times. Just hit me. I threw the car, I ran to my car, got to the hospital and that was the beginning of 18 days.

Speaker 3 5:18

Things did not progress as we hoped. We knew he would be paralyzed. They told us that and then we were told that if he made it, there would basically be no functioning, like he wouldn't understand anything. And on January 1st 2019, we lost Chandler. So and I was writing, so I'm a writer and a friend of mine said you need to. You need to go on CaringBridge and update people on how he's doing. I don't, I don't want to do that. And she said you need to do this because it could help people and you can process and they want to know how he's doing. So. I started this blog on CaringBridge and was updating people every day, but I found I was processing my own feelings. There was so much it feels like I lived a hundred lifetimes in 18 days between that. Oh, there's no hope, there's no. That was uh. So uh I.

Speaker 3 6:11

Once he passed, I found out that he wanted to be a writer. Oh my, I said you know what I'm going to write. I'm going to keep writing every day for the next year as an honor Chandler, a way to process my own grief. And I had been getting like emails from people who are reading my blog saying your words are helping me. So I said, okay, if I can help somebody else through processing this, that's. It's a point of redemption in the whole dark place. So I did. I wrote every day for that whole next year, no matter what was going on. I wrote and at the end of the year I thought I want to publish this so that people who are going through grief can look at this in real time.

Speaker 3 6:56

The name of the book is First Brush your Teeth Grief and Hope in Real Time, because this is not a retrospective, it's not well. When I was about three months along. This is how I felt. There's nothing wrong with that. But this is, if you open that book to month three, that's what I was feeling at month three. You're walking in your steps, day by day, day by day.

Speaker 3 7:17

It's a chronicle, a daily chronicle, and what I've heard from those who've lost loved ones, and particularly who have lost children, is that it gave them hope, like they could open it up like two months, three months down the line and see, okay, she's surviving. She even laughed, she even had some joy. Maybe I can do this. And so that's how the book came to me, and I just consider it such a privilege to be able to come alongside my fellow grieving moms. Or, grief has so many shapes. People lose pets, and that's a whole different shape of loss. People lose a parent, husband. They all have a different shape, but loss is loss and grief is grief. And so to be able to to be in this club that nobody wants to be in, but to provide some kind of hope and encouragement, maybe some structure, I just think it's a privilege.

Speaker 2 8:10

Well, I love your perspective on it and I personally think that losing a child is one of the most horrific losses. And then when you couple that with a trauma, it adds a whole nother level of complexity to it. Because, yeah, through the trauma you don't always have a chance to try to sort things out. If someone child, spouse, parent is suffering from a chronic, terminal illness, you go through that what they call anticipatory grief. You know, you start, you start processing it, even though you might not realize it. But you start to think about life beyond when they're gone and your life after. And what do you start to make some plans or whatever. It just goes through your mind, it just passes through your mind. But when you are dealing with trauma, especially with a child who's been injured, I'm not sure Could you, were you ever able to process the fact in reality that he may not make it through At first?

Speaker 3 9:17

we were just. We were very hopeful and you know we're people of faith and we just clung to that. We knew that he'd be paralyzed and we were already making plans to retrofit our downstairs. We were already thinking, okay, we're going to, we'll put a downstairs bedroom, take away the step from the front door. We were already thinking through and people were telling us, hey, we'll take him at our rehab our spine injury. The spine was severed and traumatic brain injury, and we were already making those plans. So we were looking at and we knew at some point we're going to get a call that, okay, your son, who's in a wheelchair, tried to do a flip off of such and such, so now he's in the hospital. So you know we were already having those conversations.

Speaker 3 9:58

But when we heard the words diffuse axonal injury, severe diffuse axonal injury, and the way they explained it was it's as if someone takes a paintbrush and splatters the paint onto a canvas and it's just splattered all over the canvas. That is the nature of the injury in Chandler's brain. It was into his brain stem, it was all throughout the brain. There was no part of his brain that wasn't affected and the neurologist or the neurosurgeon said you know, we really had hoped that we would see something different by now, but this is, this is what it is. So at that point we knew we had to be realistic about what we're not. We were hopeful we're. I think on the whole we're also realists, but when it gets to the point that the doctors are telling you flat out this is it.

Speaker 2 11:08

It's not going to happen. That is a reality that no one wants to accept. Did you have hope beyond that that the doctors would?

Speaker 3 11:15

be proven wrong. No, we, just as a family. There wasn't one of us that was like, oh no, no, he'll be good, he'll be able. Every single one of us that was like, oh no, no, he'll be, he'll be good, He'll be able. Every single one of us was like this this isn't Chandler, this is not like. Paralysis is a whole other thing. Paralysis, I mean, I don't mean to minimize it for those who have had to go on with life and learn to deal with life having paralysis, but the extent of brain injury, yeah, that's a whole other thing. So that was the piece that we just had to accept that reality. Yeah.

Speaker 2 11:48

My husband died of brain cancer. So I understand how, when the brain is impacted, it's just a mixed bag. You don't really know from one day to the next if there's going to be something different. And I remember for him he was in the hospital. He'd had surgery to remove as much of the tumor as they could. It wasn't to cure him at all because the particular type he had was an incurable cancer, it was glioblastoma. That's not a good thing, no, and we were hopeful that he at least was going to be able to have a little bit longer to live.

18 Days in the Hospital

Speaker 2 12:27

The big question was quality. But when he came to and he was just blabbering unintelligible things, I was terrified at that moment. Yeah, fortunately, within 24 hours that cleared up and he did pretty well and and lived another eight months. But with the brain injury like that it's just so difficult really, for a while they just they have to wait for the swelling in the brain to go down before they had better evaluate it and that that time to wait. But you didn't have very long with chandler once that happened. You didn't have very long and and he you know he was probably aware of your presence and everything. But just let you know that you knew that well that I know I'm a lot of days, I'll be big now for a lot of families. Something like this. We just, oh, it would just, it would fragment everybody. You know how. What was your family's reaction? Did y'all pull together, oh man?

Speaker 3 13:27

individually. We I don't even have words for how my kids stepped up and showed up for each other and I'm probably going to get emotional here when they finally were able to see Chandler at the hospital. That the night of the accident he'd been been in surgery. They brought him up to the ICU. I'd gone on to in to see him, so I was already in there. And then when they came to the waiting room and told my kids that they could go see their brother, I was told that they held hands and the door opened as they walked down the hall together and you couldn't ask for something more from your kids. They stood by their brother. They just they stood by each other.

Speaker 3 14:08

They have shown up in the most meaningful ways. They've each dealt with it in their own ways. I have my book. My middle son has written songs and just released an album recently Songs, all songs about Chandler. That's one way process. Wonderful.

Speaker 3 14:26

We've all processed differently, but we never get together without mentioning Chandler's name, and it's just as natural. If we're playing a game, yeah, somebody will say, oh, chandler would have said this, oh, chandler would have done that one. If we're out anywhere and somebody has no shirt on, they'd be like oh, that would be Chandler, because he's known for it. He was like the Matthew McConaughey of the Espinosas. He just always found a reason to not have a shirt on. That's really nice. So we talk about him all the time. It's not a.

Speaker 3 14:57

Nobody's ever been like, oh well, if we talk about it it'll hurt. Well, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt, it's going to hurt and it's going to hurt forever, forever, yeah, and so and things like this, like we started with, will come up where my son's daughter is saying where's Uncle Chandler? Can I meet him, you know? Can we fix him Right? So she said to me on this phone call, mimi, he got hit by a car on his bike on his way to work and she was sad. You know she's bored sad. So the worst part of it I was with a friend last night who lost her husband suddenly a few years ago and I said the worst part of it, I think, is seeing your kids hurt. I mean I miss Chandler. Like you know, there are no words. But when I see my kids hurt and now my grandbaby, I mean that's just, that's double and triple layer of grief.

Speaker 2 15:49

It's the layer. You're grieving what you know they are missing out on as well.

Speaker 3 15:54

100% Yep Chandler would have been the uncle.

Speaker 2 15:57

Yeah how old were your other children when you lost. I was trying to do math in my head, but that I children.

Speaker 3 16:02

When you lost your family, I was trying to do math in my head, but those days have passed, I think in general, my daughter was a junior in high school, okay. And then my middle son was late 20s, 27. And then my other son was 31, 30, 31. Okay, so you know they were. One of my sons was married and I was so grateful because he had his wife to lean on and she was wonderful, yeah. And then, but we just every our family was so they just they came around. They came around to each other and still do. And if somebody's having a hard day and we're crying, then we cry yeah, so it's just, that's wonderful. Then we cry yeah, so it's just.

Speaker 2 16:43

That's wonderful, and please pass along to your son, in his role as daddy, that I am so impressed with how he is being truthful with his four-year-old, how he's not trying to fabricate a story about 100%. Yes, he's just. He's basing it all in reality, yes, and I think that and that alone is going to help his daughter grow up understanding and accepting that grief is a part of life, absolutely. It is so difficult for children who have had everything kind of masked for them and I know I kind of grew up in that, in that generation where you know it was really you didn't go to single homes. You didn't participate in any way, even in a wake or a family dinner after the funeral. You just didn't participate because my parents were protecting me. Yes, I don't think you really should protect from the truth. You may need to be very selective with your words, but please let him know that I find that very impressive. Kudos to him, kudos to you for raising your children in that manner. So I just that blows me away.

Writing Through Grief

Speaker 3 18:02

I did say, honey, what you told her, the way you handled it, because he was like mom, I don't know if I said the right things. He was crying, he was sad and he told her Chandler and all these things. I said, honey, the best thing that you can do is you did not tell her answers that just pat answers. You didn't give her the right response. She saw your pain with you because she felt your pain. And I just talked about Chandler and told her about Chandler and you know, and one of the things that he said to her, that thought was really, I said, son, that that's, I would have never thought to do that, but I thought it was helpful because she's just four.

Speaker 3 18:38

And he said you know how you have thoughts in your head there, they live in your head but're real thoughts. But when your body goes away, when your body is not here anymore, that part of you is still. That's our system of belief, are, that is still exists. So, hey, uncle chandler, he's still somewhere, he's just not in that body anymore, right? And but he, the way he explained it, to say that you know those thoughts in your head that you can't see. We can't see them, they're just in your head. But that's that kind of energy, that's what is still in existence. It's just not in Chandler's body. So we can't, we don't, we don't know, we don't have all the answers, we don't have.

Speaker 2 19:24

Yeah, that's, that's beautiful. I read a couple of things in your profile and I kind of wanted to pull a couple of those out. What was, if you can recall, the most helpful thing? People are full of comments, you know, and we know that most of it's because they're so uncomfortable, they don't know what to say and they feel they need to say something. Yep, because they feel they need to say something. Yep, because they feel silence is uncomfortable. Yeah, so we hear a lot of really stupid stuff. In fact, I have a good friend who's written a book called Stupid Shit. People Say to Grievers I love that and it's just full of that, but was there anything that someone said to you that really?

Speaker 3 20:04

helped you, just full of that. But was there anything that someone said to you that really helped you? Honestly, the things that there were. No like words of wisdom that somebody would write down in a book that I could recall, the things that were the most, I will say.

Speaker 3 20:15

Like one friend of mine said, can I bring you a juice from nectar juice place near us and just sit with? And this was like a week after Chandler had passed. And I said, yes, yes, please come and just sit with. And this was like a week after Chandler had passed. And I said, yes, yes, please come and just sit with me. And she looked at me and said I don't even know what to say. I don't. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to say. This is just hard. That is helpful. That again, the truth, the truth, the truth. I don't want to hear he's in a better place. I don't want to hear he's in a better place. I don't want to hear there's a reason for everything. I don't want to hear any of that. I just, I just want you to acknowledge that my son is not here with me anymore and I don't like it. It's hard, it's gut-wrenching. So don't give me your little pat answers.

Speaker 3 20:59

So it was the people who really just were like this this sucks, yes, and they're the presence. Really the word presence is what stands out to me. People that can. And I discovered there are people who can't be with others, who are hurting. They do, very true, and that's not about you, that's about them, not to judge them, but for whatever reason, they just can't sit with someone in their pain. So I learned that as well. One of the stupidest things anybody said to me. And I will say and I've talked about this in the book I wasn't trying to be the Greek Nazi and slam people. For you guys, even when people would say how are you doing? And they'd go, oh, that's a dumb question I'd say no, it's not a dumb question, because maybe today I'm doing really great, or maybe today I'm doing really great, or maybe today I'm doing great. How are you doing? It's not a dumb question. But someone, bless her heart, was telling me about someone that she knew that and I'll try to keep this vague in case this person hears it.

Family Support Through Loss

Speaker 3 21:58

This person said you know, I know someone who had one kid and they lost that kid. And I thought I know someone who had one kid and they lost that kid. And I thought, god, look, they have one kid and all these other people have three or four kids and I kind of wanted to slap them. Yep, well, you know what You're right, what's one? When you got three more? Well, you've got replacements right. So what's the difference? That was the number one stupidest thing. That would hurt the core. I, that would hurt the core. I just kind of I took the. I considered the source and thought, yeah, I don't know that she's capable of much more, but yeah, those are. Thankfully there was not a lot of that.

Speaker 2 22:37

Well, that's good, that's good. Right, you must be the good community, or surrounded by a good group of friends in your network. Yeah, and if you were to say, just imagine the listeners out there listening to this episode right now, and they're around the world. We have listeners in over 100 countries around the world. So if you were just to say something to another griever out there who has lost a child, what would?

Speaker 3 23:00

you say to them oh, my goodness. I would say, first of all, I am sending you huge hugs and sending you love because I know that your heart is broken. There's a piece of you that is gone and there's no way to replace that, there's no way to you can heal in a sense, but you will never get past. I am a person who's lost a child. You will always be the person who lost a child. But what I want to encourage you in is to say you can experience even joy after losing a child, and I don't mean jump up and down, happy, slappy, right, but you can find moments of joy and when you do, you honor your child that you lost. I had a ring made A friend made a ring for me that says WWCD, because I'd written in Chandler do. And I wore that ring and I remember putting my hands in the sand at the beach and looking at the ocean where you love to surf, and the sand just like trickling over that ring and I thought, chandler, you want me to have these moments of joy, you want me to move forward in my life. It would not honor you for me to hunker down, to stay in your room, to never move things around in your room to create like a mausoleum, like a cloistered off A memorial yeah, an altar, almost. Yeah, yes, you would not want that, you would want me to, and so that's what I would encourage you in Feel what you need to feel. When you need to feel it, by all means Let people in when they say what can I do to help? Think of something that they can do to help, because it will bless you and them. Don't try to be alone. Don't cloister yourself away. Find meaning, whatever it is, just in this day.

Speaker 3 24:53

Well, first of all, brush your teeth. If you're having I love that, if you're having trouble getting out of bed, because I get it you wake up and say how can the world continue? I've lost my child, and you just have to put your feet on the ground and go brush your teeth. First brush your teeth and then, after you brush your teeth, maybe you'll have the energy to go into your closet and grab some clothes and maybe, if you get dressed, you'll feel like going downstairs and getting a bite to eat.

Speaker 3 25:19

Maybe and maybe then you'll sit on the couch and think about do I need to take a walk? Do I just need to sit and think about my child. What do I need? What will serve me right now? That will help me and not harm me? But first brush your teeth, just take a first step. Just take a first step, and when you take that first step and the next, and the next, and keep showing up for yourself, you are showing up for your loved one, You're showing up for their memory, you're showing up to honor them by saying I will move forward in my life and I will find meaning as a way to honor you, even though I am grieving with every pore of my body.

Speaker 2 25:55

That's wonderful, very eloquent words. Thank you for that. One last question, and then we're going to get ready to wrap things up Is there a right way to grieve or a wrong?

Speaker 3 26:07

way to grieve. Yes, I did the wrong way when I lost my mom. She was, I was 18 and she died of lung cancer and I thought, if my, if I ever lost my mom, I would just crawl in a hole and die. She was my best friend, we hung out. I just. She was the most amazing human and she died of lung cancer. And so I did all the wrong things. I refused to, I minimized it. I minimized this death by saying, oh, she's in a better place. It's just her body that's gone. Her spirit's alive. I put her makeup on her in her casket. I'm 18.

Speaker 3 26:42

Put her makeup on her in her casket, sang at her funeral, did not cry for probably three weeks, and then it started to come out sideways. Yeah, because, yeah, it was. It's a body, but it's the body that rocked me and fed me and helped me if I had a hard day at school, and gave me the mom kisses that are unlike any other kisses in the world, the unconditional warmth of those hugs and her voice. That's the body that I lost. Yes, it was a package for an amazing spirit, but I lost that body. She could no longer be in my life, in that body.

Speaker 3 27:20

And so when, all these years later, I lost my son you know I've lived some life, had some education and I just knew there's a different way to go about this I was far more settled in reality and willing to say this sucks and I need all the people that want to come around me and help me. I'll take it. Just far different experience to come around me and help me. I'll take it. It's just far different experience. So I would say the wrong way is the way that keeps you out of touch with reality.

What Helps and What Hurts

Speaker 2 27:51

That will actually help you heal and move forward, interesting and a great summary actually for that. I recently had a guest on the podcast and she said first of all, she thanked Megan Devine for the phrase it's okay that you're not okay. But she said, my phrase is that it's okay to be okay. That's your grief.

Speaker 3 28:14

And I found that. Yes, I think people. That's why I say you can find joy even in your grief. And people are afraid like how can I do that? Because they died.

Speaker 2 28:26

But I love that, it's okay, yeah, be okay to be okay. Yeah, not, it's okay to be great, it's okay to be okay and it's, you know, kind of keep it simple if you will love that. Well, I have to say I can't wait to get a copy of your book because memoirs are my favorite thing to read anyway. I absolutely love the title. Time goes way too fast when I do these podcasts, but this is the time in the episode where I actually turn the microphone over to you for a little bit and let you speak directly to the listeners without me interrupting with questions. Okay, let them know a little bit more about your book, your blog, anything you want to tell them. This is your turn to share the floor. It's yours.

Speaker 3 29:11

Thank you so much, kathy. I appreciate that. Like I said, it's a privilege for me to come alongside, as sort of a companion in the journey of folks who've lost someone, and so what I hope for my book is that, if you are grieving or if you know someone who's grieving, what I've heard is that first brush your teeth is like a trusted companion because it's real, it's raw, there's no pretty bows on it, but it's an encouragement and an inspiration for people who are just trying to figure out how do I put one foot in front of the other. So I would encourage you, if you're that person who's grieving or know someone who's grieving, it's first brush your teeth. Grief and hope in real time.

Speaker 3 29:54

You can get it on Amazon. I also have a website, lisaespinozacom, and I, you know, I do grief code, I'm a certified grief counselor, I do grief coaching. I'm a certified yoga teacher, so I use movement as well for healing through movement and breath. But I would love to hear from anybody and just listen to your heart and just be able to come alongside in just sharing those words.

Speaker 2 30:17

Super and our listeners know but I'll just repeat it again for everyone that the contact information to reach Lisa will be in the podcast notes, so you don't have to worry about grabbing a pen writing things down. Just check the podcast notes and reach out to her. I think it's very interesting that so many guests my podcast invite people to just reach out to them just to let them know how you're doing. Do you need some support? You know, do you have a question? Anything like that? And you won't find that, I don't think in a lot of podcasts.

Finding Joy After Child Loss

Speaker 2 30:52

It's, I believe it's unique to grief because we know that grief is ugly. There's no other word for it. It's ugly, it hurts, it's painful, it's erratic. It goes on forever. I've said time and time again I'm going to grieve until the day I die. The grief takes different shapes. I never get over it. I just kind of fit my life around a little bit. But every so often it rears its ugly head and I have a really rough day. Those are usually around the anniversaries or holidays or just a special memory that gets triggered, and those days especially you need somebody that you can reach out to, and for me it's my two daughters I can reach out to either one of them and they're like my best friends. They're going to support me and generally, what will happen? And even my son-in-law will do this it he would just put a bottle of hot sauce out and that will always make me smile, because tom loved hot sauce. We had an entire cupboard full of hot sauce bottles all unopened, because he bought them thinking he wanted to taste them.

Speaker 2 32:01

Yeah I thought it would always make a great art display. In all honesty, yeah, so I'm community. I talk about taking care of yourself, and that's one great way that you can do that is look at your network. If you were having a really bad day, do you have someone to reach out to? You should, if you don't reach out to me, reach out to someone on the podcast that you really enjoyed hearing their story and hearing about them. Just reach out. We're there for you because we're all in this together, absolutely.

Speaker 2 32:33

Finally, I have to say farewell again, until next time and remind everyone, wherever you are in the world, that I so appreciate you taking the time to tune in and listen, whether it's week after week, whether it's sporadic, or maybe this is the very first time, but there's a lot of episodes out there for this podcast as I live and breathe. Check them out. I've tried to make the titles somewhat engaging, maybe to pique a little curiosity. You know, listen to a piece of it, listen to the whole thing. It's entirely up to you. It's there as my gift to you. And again, take care of yourself. Catch you next time as we all continue to live and grieve. Thanks again, lisa. So much, thank you.

Speaker 1 33:18

Thank you so much for listening with us today. Do you have a topic that you'd like us to cover or do you have a question from one of our episodes? Please email us at info at as I live and grieve dot com and let us know. We hope you will find a moment to leave a review, send an email and share with others. Join us next time as we continue to live and grieve together.