Dames & Dragons 09. Festival of Lights (Part 9)

At long last, Fran, Laika, and Corbin come face to face with the faceless one. Time runs short as they scramble to piece together scraps of evidence. The Goddess assures them that everything will be fine, and the Festival of Lights is indeed impressive. But you know what they say about all good things.

✂️ Arc 1 Outtakes & Extras ✂️ 

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Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 9– Festival of Lights (Part 9)

Noel: Alright! Hello, and welcome to our very special Super Bowl episode.

Kat: Super Bowl Sunday, here we are!

Sophia: Oh my god, you guys. I have to go, because I love the game. Football is life. We got the quarterback, Nickelback, frontline, backline, sideline, the referee! I've got it all, top to bottom sportsfan.

Kat: What about your defense?

Sophia: What about it? My play is all offense, there's no defense needed, my playbook is worth many coins.

Kat: You fool. Without defense you have opened yourself up to my ultimate attack! [yelling and drumming on table] TOUCHDOWN RUMBLE!

Sophia: [laughing] No, you get away from my goalie! Imma dive in, I save my goalie, I take the hit. I am killed. I die in the refs arms as he weeps for me.

Kat: And thousands of footballs are just pouring into your endzone and without any defense there's no way your single frail body can stop them!

Sophia: Don't cry ref... I'm so cold... [shudders] Look after my son...

Kat: Ahh, let's play D&D.

[Guardians Theme (festival of lights) plays]

Kat: Hi, I'm Kat and I am your DM!

Sophia: Hi, I'm Sophia and I play Laika, a tiefling paladin, and I'm Level 4.

Kaitlin: I'm Kaitlin, and I play Corbin, who is a human druid, also Level 4.

Noel: And I'm your sweet baby brother Fran, and I am a water genasi wizard, and plot twist - I'm at Level 14.

Kat: [amazed] Whaa?

Noel: That's right, I picked up 10 levels while you guys were in the bathroom.

Kat: Nice.

Sophia: Hm.

Kat: Good. I'm glad you were working hard.

Kaitlin: I'll never go to the bathroom again.

Sophia: Please... do.

Kaitlin: Never.

Kat: You're a zero waste machine. A perfect machine.

Kaitlin: Yeah, yeah I am a perfect machine, thank you.

Kat: Alright, so last time we played D&D, you guys went through the,-what basically amounted to the secret backdoor of the temple, faced a bunch  of traps to get up the back way. You ran into that poor hobbit attendant that you terrified in earlier episodes.

Sophia: [high-pitched voice] Mmmm hobbit?

Kat: Halfling. Halfling.

Noel: Those are extremely different.

Kat: Very different, don't come after me in my sleep, estate of J.R.R., stay away, it's a Halfling. So that poor Halfling attendant, she told you the Goddess was back, you went upstairs to try to see what was up, go see you main bro, the Goddess I guess? And you found Cecilia, sitting by her side while she slept.

Noel: Very creepy. Did not like.

Kat: So the Goddess sits up and signed to you "I think we should talk" and as soon as she signs that, she goes completely rigid and she falls back asleep, just like down [slap sound] sack of potatoes.

Noel: What?!

Kat: Falls down like a sack of potatoes, that's a thing!

Sophia: Narcolepsy.

Kaitlin: Also a thing!

Noel: [as if in a commercial] Narcolepsy affects one Goddess in Estra every year.

Kat: Wow, there's only one in Estra.

Noel: I know. 100% of Goddesses are affected.

Kat: So the Goddess, she falls dead back asleep and Cecilia says:

Cecilia: No, I think it's time that we talk.

Laika: Pass.

Corbin: Boo.

Cecilia: I see that you've been up to quite a lot while we were having our -- hmm, how shall I put this delicately? We were resting in the forest temple.

Noel: So I immediately ignore her and run to the Goddess and try to wake her up.

Kat: Oh, she is out cold, she is not responding in any way. She's limp and she actually feels really cold in your hands.

Noel: Mhmm, I pull her eyelid open.

Kat: Her eyes are rolled back, she is out.

Noel: I say:

Fran: What did you do to the Goddess?

Cecilia: Don't worry, she's... she'll be fine. She's just sleeping, she needs her rest, she is very weak.

Laika: Have you seen a dead body versus a sleeping person, because there's a big difference.

Cecilia: Don't worry, I would not kill the Goddess... yet.

Noel: What!? [sounds of shock] So I take my spellbook out and I'm ready to fucking party!

Cecilia: Don't bother. Please. This gambit --

Kat: --and she stands as she says --

Cecilia: This gambit has run its course and we're ready to withdraw. You won't have a fight from me. Not if we all just act calmly.

Fran: What gambit? Who are you working for?

Corbin: I've never acted rationally in my life.

Cecilia: Now, you cannot truly be asking me who I'm working for, considering all of the... amazing detective work you've done in these past couple days.

Noel: Alright, very rude.

Cecilia: Do I really have to spell it out for you?

Corbin: I... I can't read, so.

Fran: How is Torva spelled? Is there an H at the end or no H?

Corbin: Are there two R's or one?

Laika: Is the V silent?

Fran: Is there any other silent letters? And do they spell out the word BETRAYAL?

Corbin: Is there a silent K, as in the word knife... in my back!

Kaitlin: I'm sorry, I didn't follow through very well on that one.

Sophia: It was flawless.

Kaitlin: Thank you.

Cecilia: You were all such excellent choices.

Kat: And she sorta paces away from the bed and goes to look out the window.

Cecilia: Did you never wonder why... why are we only serving one Goddess? There are dozens of beings equally or more powerful in this world, and yet here we are, trapped, given no choice but to worship one ruler that we never chose! We're descended from people who were trapped in the forest. Why should we live like this?

Corbin: Read a book! Everybody died!

Laika: Also, from my understanding the Goddess has always supported freedom of religion and is cool with whatever you want to believe.

Cecilia: Oh well.

Kat: And Cecilia looks back and she looks over her shoulder at the Goddesses unconscious form and she says:

Cecilia: She certainly is, I suppose. [Cecelia sighs.]

Fran: What does that mean?

Cecilia: It means - well, this body of hers, it's simply not her best work, is it? Can't speak, prone to these fainting spells, so sad... Disappears for days on end and no one knows where she goes. Just a tragic turn of events.

Laika: Are you sure you don't have something to do with those disappearances?

Cecilia: [laughs] You may be smarter than I gave you credit for.

Laika: Thanks, it's pretty obvious. [laughter]

Cecilia: This took --

Kat: She turns around and walks to the bed and she sits down next to the Goddess and it's very creepy, but very loving, and she strokes the Goddesses face and says:

Cecilia: This was so many years of planning coming to fruition. An imperfect vessel, contaminated from the start. She never was good at tying up loose ends.

Kat: She stands back up and looks at you and says,

Cecilia: Luckily I am. Now, please, what do you wish to know from me? My time here is growing short and I don't want to overstay my welcome.

Fran: What did you do to the last Goddess?

Cecilia: Well, you've been looking into her, haven't you? The vessel, the escaped one, the shapeshifter... Now what do you think we could do with a shapeshifter?

Fran: Uh, impersonate the Goddess?

Cecilia: So small-minded. The Goddess must choose a father for her new vessel.

Fran: Ohhhh...

Corbin: Ew.

Fran: Gross!

Laika: So this is a child of both?

Cecilia: Contaminated, like I said.  A pure human vessel is the only way for -- ehh, it's too complicated to explain. I won't waste my time, or yours, trying to... dumb it down for you.

Laika: Why did you decide to work with Cordelia?

Cecilia: Cordelia? Well, I think maybe it's time that you meet her.

Kat: So as she's talking, the shadows start -- they just start to shiver at the edges, and as you notice this and as you sorta look at the shadows and concentrate on you,  you see that they're becoming tar like, and Cecilia looks over to her right and these tar-like masses are piling on top of each other next to her. And they form up into the shape of Cordelia. She is standing there and her veil is finally pulled aside and you guys can see there's just no face, there's nothing, [sharp inhalations from the group] there's not even the outline of a face, it's just -- you look in and it's pure inky blackness. And then it starts to bubble and boil and a face forms out of it and it's this half-elf woman and she's got bronze skin and bright blue eyes and Fran, you recognize her.

Noel: What?!

Kat: It's Alonia, it's your mentor.

Fran: [groans uneasily]

Kat: And she smiles at you and then her face changes again, and this time it's an old human man with a bushy mustache, and then it changes again and it's that Halfling attendant that you guys scared super badly, and then it changes again and she -- it's -- it's not human for a second, and then it forms into something... else. And then she throws her head back and laughs and the face changes to one you've never seen before, of a man with bright golden hair and reddish coppery skin and when he smiles at you, his teeth are like pieces of obsidian in his mouth. And he says to you,

Shapeshifter: [demonic voice] Good luck, children.

Kat: And it's like a thousand voices all echoing off the walls, and they echo inside of you, it's like you're standing inside of a bell and you have to cover your ears and squeeze your eyes shut. The voice just grows so loud and it's inside of you, it's inside every empty space, echoing off of you. And it hurts so badly, like nothing you've felt before, like you're being consumed by a thousand fires. And then it's gone. And you open your eyes and he and Cecilia are gone.

Sophia: Is the Goddess there?

Kat: Yeah, she's still there.

Kaitlin: I'm on the floor crying.

Sophia: I peed my pants. [laughter]

Kat: Yeah, so uh, what do you guys want to do?

Kaitlin: Is the Goddess awake... now?

Kat: You can go check.

Sophia: Yeah, let's check on the Goddess.

Kaitlin: I crawl from my position on the floor to the side of her bed and I pull myself up and I take her pulse.

Kat: She's alive, she's breathing. And actually, as soon as you touch her, her skin becomes warm to the touch again and she opens her eyes and takes a deep breath in [Kat takes a deep breath], and she looks up at you guys and she's clearly very scared, very confused, she does not know what's going on, and she signs to you guys,

Goddess: What, what happened?

Noel: I start checking around the room to see if there's any signs of the disappeared people and I will roll a perception check for that.

Kat: Okay, and while you're looking around Fran, she signs:

Goddess: Where's Cecilia? Where did Cecilia go, where is Cordelia? What are you guys doing here?

Corbin: Well I hope they're dead, but I doubt it.

Laika: I hope they're dead too.

Noel: I got a 13.

Kat: 13? No, you don't find any trace of them. You do find that the door is slightly ajar, so they clearly just walked out the door. [all laugh] But, if you open the door to look out down the hall there's nothing, there's no one there.

Noel: Okay, I am gonna look out the window.

Kat: Sure, yeah, you look out the window and it's still nothing, there's no one, it's just the normal guards, milling about, some attendants, I mean not many people are about, it's nighttime, you know.

Noel: But we can see out the windows?

Kat: Yeah! They're visible- they’re opaque from the outside, but...

Noel: You said that we can't see out the window in every room except the Goddess’s room.

Kat: Yeah, and you're in the Goddess’s room!

Noel: Yeah, which is fine, but I just am noting that. The Goddess can see out her damn windows!

Kat: Yep! Yeah, she can actually!

Noel: Nobody else can.

Kaitlin: In our rooms can we not see out our own windows?

Kat: No. That’s an interesting--

Kaitlin: What the hell are they there for?!

Kat: Weird feature-- To let in natural light! But that is an interesting feature of the temple, is that the only person who can see out of it is the Goddess.

Laika: Suspicious. [sounds of agreement]

Kat: Cecilia did make some  points, that who elected this Goddess to rule?

Noel: Um, the fire that burned the world below elected her. [laughter]

Kaitlin: I told her to read a book.

Kat: But yes, the Goddess, she signs to you:

Goddess: What is going on? You were here, they were here, and then what happened?

Sophia: So, I think we should just tell her what happened and that we found out that probably she's a daughter of either Vioni or Torva.

Noel: I don't think she needs to know it all at once!

Sophia: Let's sit down, we'll have a cup of tea, we'll -- we'll just hash it out.

Kat: You wanna order some tea from room service?

Kaitlin: No, I don't trust the person who brings the tea! I go -- is there a teapot in the room?

Kat: Yeah, actually there is. There's a little tea station.

Kaitlin: I go make some tea. Corbin goes and he makes some famous crow clan tea, it tastes like shit, I'm gonna go do that.

Sophia: Alright. I clean myself up in the bathroom because I peed my pants.

Kat: You did, you did do that.

Kaitlin: Is that something you normally do as a dog?

Sophia: No! But I have very sensitive ears as a wolf-lady tiefling, so when I hear a screaming loud noise that shakes my very soul--

Kaitlin: And your bowels.

Sophia: My bowels just... loose.

Kaitlin: Alright.

Noel: Well, that's a new report.

Kaitlin: [laughing] Was it #1 and #2 or was it #1 only?

Sophia: You know what? A lady never loses her bowels and tells.

Kaitlin: That's fair.

Kat: Let's start one thing at a time, so you guys want to tell her about Cecilia and Cordelia?

Sophia: I don't really know how to explain this!

Laika: Well basically, your attendants are working for Torva and/or Vioni, it's a little unclear to me. Cordelia is a shapeshifter, she was the escaped vessel of Vioni, and it's very likely that probably she's your dad. That's weird to say, but she's your dad, and a really bad dad, and I'm really sorry -- Worst father award of the year.

Fran: And we're gonna kill her!

Laika: We're gonna kill them, don't worry about it, we're your guardians, this is what we signed up for, you know, we think you're great, and... fuck those guys.

Kaitlin: I come over with the tea and I hand it to her.

Kat: She takes the tea and she's -- she really considers this. And then she sets the tea down and she signs to you:

Goddess: What have you learned? Lay it all out for me. Are you just going off of her word? What do you know?

Laika: We know she is the vessel of Vioni, we just saw her shapeshift into a horrible monster and it was very traumatizing for all of us. And we also know that you've been leaving through a passageway into the forest and you disappeared, and that's something that she said you were at the forest temple but I'm guessing you probably weren't.

Goddess: I don't know where I was...

Kat: -- she signs to you --

Goddess: I... I don't remember, I've been h-here, I thought -- what-what day is it?

Laika: It's Super Bowl Sunday! [all laugh]

Goddess: So I've been gone for... two days? It's -- [interrupted by laughter]

Noel: [away from mic] Sorry!

Kat: We're rolling with it, it's Super Bowl Sunday.

Sophia: The ancient festival.

Kaitlin: They love football on Estra.

Fran: As we all know, the Super Bowl is held the day before the Festival of Lights, and we make a super big bowl.

Kat: Yes, it's a big bowl of ice cream that everybody in town eats. The Super Bowl.

Fran: Yeah, I'm surprised that you knew about that Laika, because you're not exactly familiar with mortal culture.

Laika: I love sports, I love the ice cream sports. We have a version of it that we play in the woods.

Corbin: I've been to that a couple times. It's quite fun.

Laika: How did we not meet, my friend?

Corbin: Dumb, bad luck.

Goddess: So I've been gone for two days? Where...

Kat: And she keeps sorta half-forming signs, but none of them mean anything, it's like she's looking for words, she doesn't have any, she doesn't know what to say.

Noel: I say:

Fran: Do you or someone you know suffer from narcolepsy? Because one Goddess every year is affected in Estra, and we saw you pass out and turn cold like a dead body!

Kat: She shakes her head slowly, like:

Goddess: No... no... Sometimes I have fainting spells...

Fran: Mmm. Mhm, mhm. Are they always when your attendants are around?

Goddess: Well my attendants have always been around, they've always been with me, they said I was sick... They said that because this body was created so fast, they said it was fragile... and weak.

Fran: You are not weak!

Corbin: Oh - oh yes, you're quite strong.

Laika: I think we should go see the Great Animals, and bring the Goddess with. At this point, they probably have an idea of what we should do.

Kat: And the Goddess, she nods and she gets up out of bed. She pauses, and she looks like she's about to pass out again.

Sophia: Dexterity save?

Kat: Yeah, dexterity save, see if you catch her.

Sophia: A'ight. I got an 8.

Noel: I got a 14!

Kat: Okay well Laika you attempt to catch her and sorta like, just sort of end up dropping her more, and then Fran, you swoop in and save the day, like Princess Bride, you know, the full like swooning catch. [Noel chuckles] Her eyes open back up again, she takes a deep breath, she gets back to her feet then she signs:

Goddess: Let's go.

Corbin: Wait! Wait wait. I think that you should drink that tea first! I did make it especially for you!

Noel: First we drink the tea and take a short rest.

Kat: Yeah okay, you guys drink the tea and the Goddess like, gets dressed, gets ready.

Noel: So while the Goddess is getting ready and I'm drinking my tea and creepily watching I guess, I don't know what I'm  -- why I'm -- what's going on here, how this scene is playing out.

Kat: The Goddess doesn't have much of a sense of privacy, she's been waited on hand and foot her whole life, like --

Noel: I do have a sense of privacy, so I'm like kinda avoiding looking at her and I like feel really weird.

Sophia: I'm extremely curious and I'm like sniffing around her stuff.

Noel: I'm just like avoiding eye contact with really wide eyes and I say:

Fran: I was just wondering, do you have any memories from any of your past lives?

Kat: She doesn't respond for a long time, and then she signs:

Goddess: No.

Fran: Isn't that unusual?

Goddess: Yes.

Fran: Well.

Corbin: Subtle. Very subtle Fran.

Noel: I just go stand in the corner, facing the corner, ‘cuz I can't tolerate this.

Sophia: I say:

Laika: Hey, neither do I! Just throwing that out there!

Kat: [laughing] The Goddess laughs at that.

Noel: I start hitting my head against the wall.

Corbin: Do you need some tea, Fran?

Fran: I don't know what you're talking about!

Kaitlin: I bring you some tea!

Noel: I gulp it down in one swallow.

Kaitlin: Good call.

Noel: It burns.

Laika: So, what is traditional for the passing on of memories? What-- How does the process of becoming the vessel of the Goddess work?

Kat: She signs to you:

Goddess: I don't know much about it, they said that I would be able to learn when the time came, which hopefully won't be until I'm quite old, but I know I'm supposed to remember. I know I'm supposed to have these memories of all the lives I've lived before because I'm supposed to be living one life, but I don't remember anything... and Cecilia and Cordelia said I shouldn't tell anyone that, that I should just keep on pretending that it's okay, that I remember, that I'm the same as I've always been, but I don't... I don't know... how I've always been.

Corbin: Well, they've definitely lied to you. I can for sure say that.

Noel: I start hitting my head again, ‘cuz that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard someone say to someone who is distraught. [all laugh]

Corbin: I don't know about human emotions. I'm a crow!

Laika: What else have they told you? Have you ever noticed anything weird? Especially about Cordelia, do you have any memory of being taken to a place that was unfamiliar to you or leaving the city of Estra?

Kat: Yeah, actually I'm gonna roll for this. What does she remember? [rolls] Okay. She shakes her head.

Goddess: When I think, I remember the forest sometimes I remember that I lose days, I thought it was just another symptom... something else that was wrong with me. I didn't think that they would b--

Kat: --And she stops signing. She can't bring herself to say that these two women, who have basically raised her, like those attendants have been her main attendants with her every single day of her life -- that they've been working against her this whole time. And she's having some trouble processing that.

Sophia: We need a group hug.

Kaitlin: Mhm.

Kat: You're gonna group hug?

Kaitlin: Group hug!

Noel: You're gonna have to grapple me into the group hug.

Sophia: I will grapple you.

Kat: Strength contest!

Sophia: Is this like a group strength roll?

Kaitlin: Yeah, what're we rolling for?

Kat: Uh, no, we're just rolling hug skills.

Kaitlin: Can we add proficiency, if we're proficient in hugging? I'm not, but I feel like Laika is.

Sophia: Yeah I -- [rolls] --Oh shit I got a three...

Kaitlin: I got a 19.

Kat: Okay Corbin, you --

Noel: I got a 13.

Kaitlin: I win.

Kat: Okay so Corbin you grab Fran by the wrist and you pull her into this group hug. You are not escaping this group hug, Fran. You can't escape it! Love! Friendship! Fran, roll to fall in love!

Noel: ...alright I roll to fall in love. [rolls] I don't act any different than usual. [all laugh]

Kat: Alright, so. What do you guys want to do next?

Kaitlin: Should we secure the Goddess in some way?

Noel: Well, she can come with us, can't she?

Sophia: Strap her on my back!

Kat: If you guys choose to take the Goddess with you, you are not going to be able to move freely about the city.

Noel: Well can we disguise her again?

Kat: Yep, you could try, yeah!

Noel: I mean we know how to do it, we did it last time.

Sophia: We're not leaving her ever again.

Kaitlin: Yeah, she's coming with us. Forever. Always.

Noel: Yeah. If I have to go to the bathroom, she's coming with.

Sophia: Same. Oh, I'm just bad rolling tonight. I did nothing helpful.

Noel: I got a 19!

Kaitlin: I got a 15.

Kat: Okay Laika, you -- you got this. You fucking got this. You take the bedsheet from the bed and you put it on her and then you're good to go.

Laika: Solid.

Kat: Bedsheet ghost!

Laika: Normal.

Kaitlin: I cut some holes in the bedsheet.

Kat: Yeah, for eyes! And the Goddess is, she's laughing, she thinks it's really funny. But Fran, you take this seriously, because it's serious, and you actually are able to put together from her wardrobe an approximation of what an attendant's uniform would be. 

Noel: And while I'm doing it, I say:

Fran: Those two weren't joking you know that right?

Kat: And she signs back:

Goddess: That is what makes them so endearing.

Noel: [aww-ing and laughing] Cute.

Laika: I'm blushing.

Sophia: [to Kaitlin] Do you have no reaction?

Kaitlin: Well I'm a crow, I can't blush!

Sophia: Hate this.

Kaitlin: Sorry.

Kat: So it's also -- it's middle of the night at this point, so do you guys want to sleep, or do you just want to start going?

Noel: Here's one thing we could do, is we could go see the Greater Animals and sleep there?

Sophia: I like that idea. [general agreement]

Kat: So you take the Goddess out with you and bring your animal companions, I assume? Along with you as well?

Noel: Yes, yes.

Kat: You guys make kind of a strange procession, going down the streets, as the three guardians and your animals and this mysterious veiled attendant. And people, they turn and they look at you and they give you some like "ooh, I wonder what's going on here" looks, but there's not really many people about.

Noel: Right, and they're a bunch of preps, and I stick up my middle finger at them.

Kat: Yeah, this district of Estra is especially quite, you know, it's pretty quiet in the middle of the night. There are other parts of the city that are really busy and bustling, the downtown areas, but, you know, the holy district is pretty quiet. So you guys are able to go down the main thoroughfare to the gate to the forest. So are you gonna go back to the deer clans place?

Noel: Is that what's closest?

Kat: Yeah, yeah.

Noel: Then yeah, we should go to the Deer Clan probably... right?

Kat: Okay. Yeah, yeah, back home to Fran's, uh, parents. So you guys head back into the forest, which you guys are really good at navigating at night because you've done it your whole lives -- the Goddess is not. And it takes you significantly longer to get there because she keeps stumbling over roots and rocks and she can't quite keep up with you guys, she's not as physically able...

Kaitlin: Pick her up!

Sophia: Yeah, I piggy-back her.

Kat: Oh, you give her a piggy-back, that's nice.

Sophia: No, I ride her! I get on her back. [group bursts into laughter] I'm just kidding.

Kat: So you guys get to the clearing and mostly people are asleep. Cosu lifts her head as you guys enter the clearing and she stands up right away.

Cosu: My Goddess! To what do we owe such a great honor?

Kat: And she bows her head very low to the Goddess, who takes off her veil now that she's in the clearing, and she sorta waves her hand as if to say "no, no, please don't bow to me, it's fine, don't worry about it". And now Cosu is up and they're starting to stir and as people see the Goddess they get up, and then they get right back down on one knee. Like everybody just stands and kneels right back down. And the Goddess is continuing to be like "oh no, please, geet back up, please get back up!" And she signs to you, Fran:

Goddess: Can you make them stop, we have more important things.

Noel: Yeah, I stick up my middle finger at them.

Kat: The Goddess slaps your hand down. 

Goddess: Clearly a bad idea, this was clearly a bad idea.

Noel: And I go,

Fran: [evilly] Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!

Sophia: Corbin, you seem like you can calm a crowd.

Corbin: Um, hey everybody, so we've all been lied to our whole lives --

Kat: NOPE, nope the Goddess stops you [all laughing] and puts her hand on your boob window like "nope, just stop, stop". She signs to all of you:

Goddess: Can you please tell Cosu that we need to speak with her alone.

Laika: Cosu, we need to talk alone. The Goddess says "hey" to all you guys and she says she will sign autographs later.

Kat: The Goddess sorta pats you arm, like "there you go, good job. Well done." So Cosu, she turns and she bows her head to the forest, to the thicket of trees and they part before her. You guys walk through this corridor of trees, which as you walk into the next clearing, the corridor closes behind you. Cosu turns and says:

Cosu: What is all of this about, young guardians?

Noel: We tell her!

Kat: You tell her all of it? From top to bottom, side to side?

Noel: Yeah. Mhm.

Kat: As you talk, Cosu -- Laika, Corbin, you cannot tell this really, you wouldn't really know -- but Fran, you can tell she's becoming very tense and very agitated.

Noel: And I'm worried about it, but I do not know what to do.

Sophia: Is she a deer in the headlights? [Noel groans, Kaitlin cackles]

Kat: Anyway. So when you describe the last face you saw to her, she grows very grave.

Cosu: That is a description that I have only heard tale of. Never seen, but very distinct. It may be that our enemy is closer than we ever believed. For that is the face of Torva. Conqueror.

Laika: So where is Vioni if Torva is in the vessel?

Cosu: I don't know, we have not heard from the old gods in so long, we had thought they had forgotten about us. That was, in retrospect, naïve.

Kat: Cosu shakes her head.

Cosu: If what you say is true, then this has many grave implications. We do not know who we can trust, if Vioni's vessel is as powerful  a shapeshifter as we believe, then this is becoming very, very dangerous. Do you know where they have gone at all? Do you have any clues?

Fran: They went out the door.

Cosu: Thank you, Fra'Nika. Your contributions are always so... enlightening.

Fran: [whispering] I hate you so much!

Cosu: I appreciate your contributions to the conversation.

Noel: I take out my knife and start trying to cut through the trees to get away.

Kaitlin: I look at Laika the way that you look at your mutual friend when you're at your other mutual friends house and they start violently fighting with their parents.

Sophia: I hide behind Corbin.

Kat: It's very successful.

Cosu: Fra'Nika please. You're making a scene. The rest of you, you must do what you can to find proof of these claims that Cecilia has made. Do not trust anyone. We do not know what face Vioni may be wearing. And Goddess, my Goddess...

Kat: And Cosu turns to the Goddess, bows her head very low.

Cosu: You are welcome to stay in my clearing. I can assure you that all of those who are here are loyal to you and no one else.

Kat: So are you guys gonna spend the night here at the Deer clearing?

Kaitlin: I make a small nest out of little twigs that I find.

Sophia: I sleep with Gingie you guys, just cuddled up. [group awws]

Noel: So, after everyone else goes to sleep, I take out the necklace that I got from the robes, that I recognize, and I cast Identify on it.

Kat: Oh, what does that do?

Noel: You choose one object that you must touch throughout the casting of the spell. If it is a magic item or some other magic-imbued item, you learn its properties and how to use them, whether it requires attunement to use, and how many charges it has, if any. You learn whether any spells are affecting the item and what they are. If the item was created by a spell, you learn which spell created it. If you instead -- oh it doesn't matter.

Kat: Okay, do you have to roll for that at all or do you just do it?

Noel: I think I just do it.

Kat: Okay. Yeah, this feels weird. The closest approximation to this magic you've ever felt before is the Goddess and her type of essence. And when you try to identify this, you're not getting so much of like spells, you're not getting a solid "x-y-z components went into this", you are instead getting the gut senses, of grounding, of permanence, of stabilizing, but you can't fit these things together in any meaningful way, you just aren't able to process it.

Noel: I don't like that. Ohhh, I don't like that. Because that makes me think some things that I don't like. [all laugh]

Kat: Do you want to do anything else?

Noel: [sighs] What is Cosu doing right now? Sleeping?

Kat: Oh, she's gone back to bed, yeah.

Noel: She close by?

Kat: Yeah. I mean, you guys have gone back to the main clearing. The Goddess has been left in the private clearing, she gets her own room.

Noel: Alright, so [sighs again] I guess I've cooled down after waiting for everyone to go to sleep, and I use Shape Water to make a little bit of water fly over and fall on Cosu's face.

Kat: She wakes up. She sorta looks around and looks at you and is very annoyed.

Noel: I show peace signs.

Cosu: Fra'Nika, what are you reaching out about?

Noel: So I tip-toe on over there with the necklace in hand and I show it to her. And I say:

Fran: I found this in the tunnel where the vessel of Vioni went. It was in a pile of attendant's robes.

Cosu: That belonged to Alonia, did it not?

Fran: Yeah, well that's what I thought too. Do you recognize this at all, other than it belonging to Alonia?

Cosu: I can't say that I do... It feels quite old... I can’t-- have not felt something like this before, this type of magic. It begs you not to look at it.

Fran: So you're thinking like there's probably not more than one of these, huh?

Cosu: As far as far I know it's... but like I said, I have never seen something like it before.

Fran: Well... do you think something like this could've been used to stabilize the vision that the shapeshifter was using?

Cosu: That is certainly possible. The way it begs permanence, the way it begs stability... Yes, that's a good theory.

Fran: What do you know about Alonia?

Cosu: Alonia was chosen just as you were. At a young age, from the temple orphans. She was chosen because when we tested her abilities, she showed she was loyal and true, brave and wise, that she would do well as a guardian. I find it hard to believe that she would be able to carry on this impersonation for too long. But perhaps this helped blind us to what was going on.

Fran: That's what I was afraid you were gonna say.

Cosu: Fra'Nika, do not hold this by yourself. It is not something that you must bear alone. Remember, you have others by your side. Let them support you and they will lean on you in turn.

Fran: Who, those guys?

Cosu: You are all chosen, Fra'Nika. You were all tested to be loyal, brave, and true. You may act so flippant and you may drive even me crazy sometimes, but Fra'Nika, you were meant to be here now. Do not forget that.

Noel: I am folding my arms and looking away, and I like quickly wipe my face and scurry away and go back to sleep.

Kat: Okay. So Laika, roll. See if you get woken up by Fran coming back to bed.

Sophia: No, that's a 1.

Kat: Oh, no, you are sound asleep. So that means you are very rudely awakened when you are grabbed under the arms and hoisted to your feet by someone who's coming from behind you. And I'm gonna have a strength contest here.

Sophia: I wanna kick them in the face! In a cool acrobatic move!

Kat: You can try. I rolled pretty badly.

Sophia: I got a 19 plus --

Kat: Yeah, you do it. They rolled a 5, so your senses are honed and also you are super on edge with everything that's happened. You leap to your senses as soon as you're so rudely awoken and you are able to leverage yourself over and sort of use your upper body strength and your core strength to flip yourself up so that you basically throw this guy back and into the ground.

Sophia: Then I kick him in the face.

Kat: Yeah - well and as you get up, scramble up to your feet to kick him in the face and it's Buddy! It's your mentor, Buddy!

Sophia: Aww!

Kat: He goes,

Buddy: Aaahh kid! Ah kid aaauuggh you win! You win! Good job, good job kid!

Laika: Buddy, this is a fucked up way to greet someone you're mentoring.

Buddy: Ah, I just wanted to make sure  you were on your toes.

Laika: I'm on my toes and I'll be traumatized for the rest of my life.

Buddy: Yeah... You know what I always find helps with that? Let's wrastle! C'mon let's wrastle kid!  Let's wrestle!

Laika: Alright Buddy, it is like 3 am, but sure!

Kat: So you and Buddy at 3 in the morning, you wrastle.

Noel: I feel like this explains a lot about like what Laika is like.

Sophia: Because Buddy is my only example!

Kat: Oh, did you roll a 3?

Sophia: Yeah.

Kat: Oh god, he rolled a 2! Ah, you guys are equally matched.

Sophia: I barely -- we're just tired because why would you be wrestling at 3 am, it's time for sleep!

Kat: Here's the thing, this is not unusual. Buddy has done this to you a lot in your life. He just wakes you up in the middle --

Sophia: He's an asshole!

Kat: Well he wants to make sure that you're ready, ready to get up and defend against any threat!

Sophia: That's fair.

Kat: So he has routinely throughout your life woken you up in the middle of the night by trying to carry you off or like wrestle you, or just like, stab you. So you guys wrestle, and it's not the best wrestling match you've ever had, but you are able to overcome Buddy, Laika, and that's pretty good! Like he's a big dude.

Buddy: Kid, you make me proud. Coming back to the forest here, just to beat up your old man like this... I heard the wolves were talking about you guys had come back into the forest, I had to come see ya myself.

Laika: Buddy, things have been pretty shitty, honestly I could use some advice. Like I'm very scared and I feel like I'm not able to handle this situation because I'm only 16 and I'm going through puberty --

Buddy: Okay, oh kid, kid, kid. Hoo deep breath!

Laika: My voice is cracking!

Buddy: Deep breath. Deep breath. [exaggerated deep breaths]

Kat:  --And he leads you through some breathing exercises that are just deeply incorrect.

Buddy: Alright, keep your head on straight, keep your horns forward.

Laika: What?

Buddy: Keep you head on straight, keep your horns forward!

Laika: Oh, sorry, I was just thinking car horns, which don't exist in this universe, I have horns, YES, I got it.

Buddy: Listen. Laika. You know, I wasn't prepared when I became a guardian either. And it didn't turn out great for me. I mean I'm not gonna spin you some cobwebs. I ain't gonna spin you no cobwebs about this, but--but you-- you've learned from my mistakes, and now you're gonna be able to face this, head on. Horns forward.

Laika: Buddy, I saw a guy with glass teeth, though, and I can't get it out of my head.

Buddy: That's messed up

Laika: Yeah! Buddy, you're with me on this!

Buddy: That's messed up.

Laika: And I think he's the dad!

Buddy: What?

Laika: He's the dad of the Goddess.

Buddy: That's bullshit, I know the dad. He's a good dude.

Laika: Who's the dad?

Buddy: His name is like-- like Mark?

Laika: Where's Mark now?

Buddy: ["I don't know" sound]

Noel: [away from mic, laughing] Mark...

Buddy: I kinda disengaged from all that when I went to train you... We didn't keep in touch, we weren't close...

Laika: I'm just confused.

Buddy: Mark was a good guy. He came by the temple every once in a while, left flowers, little offerings... good dude.

Laika: Did he seem like he had glass teeth, maybe?

Buddy: Nah, seemed like he had totally normal teeth for a human.

Laika: Well I'll pass this on, maybe we were led astray, thanks!

Buddy: You're welcome kid. Listen. I believe in you.

Laika: Thanks Buddy, I believe in you too.

Buddy: You mean that?

Laika: Yes! I guess?

Kat: He gives you a big hug, like big bear hug. His arms are made for huggin' and he's gonna hug you.

Noel: You guys are gonna have to roll for that.

Kat: Roll for hugging.

[rolling]

Sophia: I got a 1!

Kat: So you sorta just go limp in Buddy's big strong orc arms. He didn't roll great either, but he rolled better than a 1, so he just gives you this big, crushing bear hug around your whole body that like, your amour kinda starts to dent from?

Laika: Buddy please. Please, I need to breathe!

Buddy: I --oh, sorry, sorry kid. Sorry kid. Listen, I'll let you go back to sleep, I just  knew that, you know I got a whole 'nother group of sprouts that I'm training now and I didn't think I'd be able to come by and I thought you could use a little nighttime razz!

Laika: Thanks Dad, I appreciate it -- I - I mean Buddy, I mean Buddy.

Buddy: It's okay, son.

[laughter]

Kat: Okay. One more thing to happen before we move on is actually for Corbin! Yeah, Corbin, when you go to sleep, you have that dream. That one, we mentioned it in our first episode. The dream of fire falling from the sky. And this time I'm gonna have you roll a wisdom check.

Kaitlin: Oh shit! That is a 16, plus 4.

Kat: You're good. So this time you see the sky behind the fire turn into this inky purple void, filled with stars. And then everything falls away and you're floating in this void.

Kaitlin: Love it.

Kat: You look behind you and you see this woman reaching towards you, and I'm gonna have you roll a perception!

Kaitlin: That is 15 plus...

Kat: That'll do it. She reaches towards you and you realize, you look and you see she has the crow feather earrings and the wolf tooth necklace and the antler bracelets -- this is the Goddess.

Kaitlin: Shit!

Kat: But you don't recognize her. And then every time you look at her she looks different. Like an entirely different person. And she grabs you by the hand and you feel something hit your chest like a horse kicking you in the chest. Roll a constitution.

Kaitlin: 15 plus 3.

Kat: Okay, so you feel this hit you in the chest like a kick, and then the world just falls apart. And you just see these images, one after the other, and they're too fast for you to understand and you see this strange city and it's cut out of a mountain and you see a man and he's covered in blood and you see a tree and you see a lake and you see a desert and you see lightning in the sky and you see a world on fire and you see a girl handing you the body of a vulture. I'm gonna have you make another wisdom check.

Kaitlin: Oh god. That's 13 plus 4.

Kat: And you wake up and there's tears streaming down your face.

Kaitlin: Oh, I sob quietly.

Kat: And you don't remember any of it.

Kaitlin: Nooo! Ah, that's so mean Kat you're the worst! Ugh I sob harder!

Noel: I look over at Corbin and I'm also crying and I'm like:

Fran: You too buddy, huh?

[49:04]

[INTERLUDE] Codeword is Juicy Wizards.

[51:59]

Kat: So your world's been flipped on its head and you went back to the place that's familiar to you, you went back to the forest. Had some touching interactions with mentors and deer and uh dreams. And now it is morning, it's the morning after, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, Corbin, when you wake up you look up in the sky you see a couple of crows fly overhead and you feel like "Ahh, thank god something normal in the world."

Kaitlin: I squawk at them.

Kat: Give a nice friendly squawk.

Kaitlin: Yeah, I give 'em a nice friendly squawk.

Noel: Can you demonstrate that squawk?

Kaitlin: HWAA!

Kat: I wasn't... prepared?

Noel: I regret asking.

Kat: I regret you asking.

Sophia: That's your crow?!

Kaitlin: Yeah, it sounds just like a real crow! Hwa!

Kat: Yeah. Corbin! You feel distinctly off, you do not remember your dream at all, but you just, it's like this feeling in the pit of your stomach. You look and you see something, you feel like you've seen it before. But you can't place it at all, it's very unsettling. But the rest of you are bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, you guys have a couple things you guys want to finish up before we head into the Festival of Lights, correct?

Noel: That's right, that's right.

Kat: So which one of these things do you want to do first?

Noel: I think we should check out the book first.

Kat: So that was the book from the library that was missing, that you guys took to the restorationist.

Noel: Yes, it looked like someone from the Sims had stomped it in some grapes.

Kat: Right! Oh, yeah, now I remember, that whole thing. So, are you gonna take the Goddess with you, where did you land on that? Or do you want to leave her with the Deer Clan?

Sophia: Take her with, because they have a lot of random shapeshifters in their midst!

Kat: Not a lot, but I suppose one is enough. So before you go, one of the deer attendants in training comes up to you, Fran. She is a half-gnome, half-Halfling. Which is something I haven't really had a chance to mention about Estra is that there are a lot of interesting mixes of different races because it is such a small enclosed population, They've kinda combined every race in every conceivable way, that is physically possible. So you have, you know, people that are halfling-orcs or like elf-halflings, elf-gnomes, like all sorts of  different combinations. But she is a half-Halfling, half-gnome. She comes up to you Fran and she's holding attendants robes and she says:

Attendant: [very high pitched voice] I don't know if it's appropriate for me to offer these to the Goddess, but please, I believe this will work more properly as a disguise!

Noel: Do I know her?

Kat: Yeah, actually you do. Not very well. Her name is Huberta, and yeah, she was always trying to be really helpful to you and you always brushed her off when you live here.

[all laugh]

Noel: Oh, that's surprising! So I say:

Fran: Heyyy, it's Hubert, right? It's good to see you!

Huberta: It's Huberta, but you know you're close enough!

Fran: [uncomfortable] Oh, it's just a nickname from me to you...

Huberta: You gave me a nickname?!

Fran: I was... yep, I sure did! I thought of it earlier, I... missed you?

Huberta: I missed you too!

Noel: [dying a little] She's so cute! Oh, Fran rolls to fall in love.

Huberta: Anyway, I just thought that the Goddess could use these.

Noel: Fran says:

Fran: [high-pitch, breathy] Thank yooou.

Noel: And she takes the robes. And quickly hurries away.

Sophia: Is she in love?

Noel: I don't know!

Kat: Fran do you give these robes to the Goddess?

Noel: No I steal 'em! [all laugh] No, I am gonna give the robes to the Goddess, I hand those right over.

Kat: Great, yeah, she changes into them and she looks just like any of the other attendants. The veil has an advantage that way.

Sophia: I have an idea. I just want to make sure none of us get passed as like 

shapeshifters, so like Corbin leaves to go out to do something, and then he comes back and he's like [Corbin's voice] "I'm Corbin!' and it's actually a shapeshifter.

Kailtin: Great Corbin impression.

Sophia: So I think we need like a password that only the Goddess would know, only we would know. Uh, we'll ask them a question and its a response that they have to give back.

Kat: That's a great idea, what do you want your codeword to be?

Kaitlin: [after a pause] Barf.

Sophia: Is there something that would make sense with the lore, like a question and answer?

Kaitlin: Oh yeah, that might be better than barf.

Noel: Honestly, barf has a really good ring to it.

Kat: And also, let's be real, would you guys honestly pick something that has to do with the lore?

Sophia: No, that's true.

Kat: You guys would pick barf.

Sophia: That's fair.

Noel: We have to have a question. What's a really good question that the answer is barf?

Sophia: What'd you do last night? [all laugh]

Noel: ...kay.

Kaitlin: I love it!

Noel: Sounds great.

Kat: Alright. So you guys set up this codeword: What'd you do last night?

Sophia: Barf.

Noel: We all love it.

Kat: You all love it, it's great, it's awesome.

Noel: What does the Goddess say about it?

Kat: She gets a kick out of that, she thinks it's very funny. So you guys are ready to head out of the forest and  go to the restorationist. And While you're walking, you notice that the Goddess is looking around a lot, fascinated by the city. And this is very different from the last time you walked through the city with her, where she was a very serene, kind of imposing, regal figure, and now she just looks like... she looks like a tourist.

Sophia: I'm right there with her, like, this is great!

Kat: And she signs to you:

Goddess: I've never seen this side of the city! I've only ever been on the main thoroughfares. This is amazing!

Corbin: We'll go shopping later.

Kat: So you head to the restorationist, and there's piles of books everywhere and this time, from behind one of the piles of  books, a tiefling man pops out.

Laika: Dad!!

Kat: And he's very old and he's got wispy gray hair, kind of coming out from the base of his horns, like little white scrunchies at the base of his horns, that's all the hair that he has. And he has these thick round glasses that make his eyes like 10 times bigger, and he looks at you all and he goes,

Restorationist: What can I do for you?

Sophia: Yeah, I speak in infernal to him, so I'm like [unintelligible, guttural demon words. The restorationist responds in infernal, and Laika talks back. There's lots of yelling and growling and scary noises.]

Kaitlin: I step closer to Fran because I'm scared.

Noel: I hold onto Corbin tightly.

Laika: [back to English] So that pretty much covers it, we're here to get the book!

Restorationist: Let me get that for ya.

Kat: So he leaves and he comes back.

Restorationist: Now, it's not perfect, but I was able to do something with it, you're at least able to read it now.

Kat: So he hands you back the book and it's wine-stained, like all the pages are kind of purple-y now, but you can at least read the text. And you know, I'm gonna have all of you make intelligence rolls, just to  see if you can find anything that's actually worth reading in the book.

Kaitlin: I got a 5, so.

Noel: I got a 12.

Sophia: 13.

Kat: So what you do find in the book is that it is a book about the magic of the old gods. And what you can find in there kind of just by putting your heads together, looking through it pretty quickly, is that there was a chapter that was particularly badly ruined, and it's still pretty hard to read, even after everything the restorationist has done. But it is on mortal vessels the old gods would take. And it has a list of requirements, and some of these you already know, but it says that a mortal vessel cannot be alive, gods cannot possess any living thing, and that any vessel that is inhabited by the spirit of a god, the death of that vessel has to be dedicated to that god. And you also find out from this book that as long as a vessel exists, it can be reinhabited by another god. Otherwise what's in this book is that it talks a lot about that the magic of the old gods is a magic. It's not this otherworldly devine force as it is often misconstrued to be, that it is just the most powerful form of magic in this world, and that true divinity only exists in the Forces, and it is very rarely observed. So that is what you learn from just a cursory glance of the book.

Noel: Hmm.

Kat: So is there anything else you want to try to learn from the restorationist?

Noel: Who does his hair?

Sophia: And also if he is related to me.

Restorationist: I do my own hair kid!

Fran: Well it looks great.

Restorationist: Been doing my own hair like this since the day I was born.

Noel: I shape my own hair into horns like his with little tufts at the bottom.

Resorationist: Hey that's a great look!

Fran: Thank you sir.

Restorationist: You belong on the cover of a magazine!

Noel: Fran blushes. Is he related to Laika?

Kat: Oh, no, hell no. No, not at all, no.

Sophia: Is he know who my parents were?

Kat: No... There's lots of tieflings.

Noel: He doesn't know who you are!

Sophia: Well. I just had to ask!

Restorationist: Listen, kid. You look just like any of the other tiefling orphans. There's a bunch of 'em.

Noel: So you're definitely a tiefling.

Kaitlin: So you're definitely an orphan.

Sophia: I write something down on like a pad of paper, like a detective does, and then I nod and I say,

Laika: Alright. Let's get moving.

Kat: So are you -- what are you doing with this book, by the way? Are you taking it with you?

Noel: Yeah, let's take it with us!

Kat: Okay. So! You take the book with you, you leave the cool old restorationist, with his cool hair. What do you want to do next, what's the next thing you want to finish up?

Noel: I still have that vial of potion from the lantern that seemed suspicious, and considering that the Festival of Lights is today and it may or may not be about to like poison some people or play into Vioni and Torva's plan, I think we should check it out. I don't know exactly where we should take it though....

Kat: That's a good question!

Noel: Well, should we ask the restorationist about that?

Sophia: Yeah!

Noel: Alright we quickly go back into the restoration shop.

Restorationist: Ah, you're back!

Noel: I take out the vial and I say,

Fran: Do you know anything about like general chemistry, or do you know anyone who would know?

Restorationist: Hmm I know a bit, let me take a look at that.

Noel: Alright, I hand it over.

Kat: [rolls] let's see how much he knows... OH! Oh shit!

Noel: Did he nat-20?

Kat: He nat-20'd on that! So he, he looks at this and he goes,

Restorationist: Yeah, I don't know jack-shit. [a moment of silence followed by confusion and outrage] This is -- I can tell ya this. This is way outside my realm of knowledge.

Laika: C'mon dad.

Restorationist: I'm not your dad. We're gonna keep putting that -- I'm not your dad.

Laika: Mmmkay.

Restorationist: Look. My area of expertise is in restorin' books. Now I could tell you if this was an ink, I could tell you if it was a dye, I could tell you if it was a spectral... a spectral... [Kat is struggling here and everyone else laughs at her] whatchamageiger.

Kaitlin: [laughing] Whatchamageiger...

Restorationist: I could tell you up, down, and sideways if this was calligraphy. But what I cannot tell you is anything about this nonsense. It looks like nothing I've ever seen, it looks like something I've never seen!

Noel: I'm starting to hate this guy.

Restorationist: Here's what I can tell you. You should go to the magician's workshop. They have the equipment available to test this sort of stuff.

Fran: They made it! And they clearly don't know that it's EVIL!

Restorationist: I can't tell ya if it's evil or not. I'm just a restorationist.

Kaitlin: We're telling you it's evil.

Sophia: I hate this guy so much.

Kat: I'm sorry, the natural 20 meant nothing! He's --

Fran: Can -- can we kill this guy?

Kat: The Goddess looks very alarmed at that suggestion. She signs a definite NO.

Fran: I was just kidding, my Goddess, okay? Alright? It's just a joke.

Restorationist: Look. Let me tell ya something --

Sophia: No! We're leaving.

Kat: You just leave?

Noel: We run out.

Kat: You leave on him, okay!

Sophia: I hate my dad so much!

Noel: Um, I bond with Laika, like 20 times more.

Sophia: We come up with a secret handshake.

Noel: I wink at the end and I'm like,

Fran: You're all right.

Sophia: I just lay on the floor for a little bit, and then I get back up and I'm cool. Or I'm acting cool, but I'm like really happy about it. Corbin, what are you doing?

Kaitlin: I'm staring at the ground.

Sophia: I teach you the secret handshake.

Kaitlin: I feel uneasy, I don't get it. I try to do it, but I can't.

Kat: The Goddess also tries, she tries to do the secret handshake [dice roll], oh shit she's really good at it! She just immediately -- she not only does she do the secret handshake, she expands on it, she adds a new riff.

Laika: Looks like we're a cool gang now!

Fran: Yeah, except for Corbin.

Kat: Corbin, she takes your hand and just gives it a nice firm handshake. [all aww]

Kaitlin: I tear up, there's one tear that comes down my cheek.

Kat: And she signs to you:

Goddess: You have to stop crying every time I touch you.

Corbin: I don't know how!

Kat: So, actually, she looks over at you Fran, and she motions to you and signs:

Goddess: Can I see that vial?

Fran: Um, yeah, you can sure see it. We stole this from right under your nose by the way, ha-ha!

Kat: She pulls her veil aside to make a very pointed facial expression at you.

Fran: I respect that, I respect that.

Kat: Disapproval. But she looks at the vial anyway, and she sorta holds it up to the light and then shakes her head and hands it back to you and says:

Goddess: Why do you want to look into this?

Fran: I think just because we were really suspicious of Cecilia and Cordelia and they're the one that came up with this new compound and we thought it was suspicious that they would be putting their time into that...

Kat: She signs:

Goddess: Okay, well he said we should go to the magicians workshop, so why don't we go there?

Noel: Alright, let's go...

Kat: Yeah! So you go there and it is busy, like they are carting out these lanterns by the basket-full, by the armful. They are running them back and forth and people are working like crazy to get these things ready and it is just this chaos. Nobody pays attention to you.

Corbin: Shall I scream?

Noel: [stutters]

Sophia: Do your bird call!

Fran: Don't scream!

Corbin: HWAH!

Kat: So Corbin, as you do your bird call, there is someone who stops and looks at you.

Noel: [laughing] Just one...

Kat: Just one, yeah, actually it is just one, but he is probably half-orc, half-tiefling, if you had to guess...

Kaitlin: [impressed] Oooh.

Laika: Dad?

Magician: No, not your dad.

Laika: You sound like me, so...

Magician: Listen... I can't have this conversation, it's too busy right now. What are you kids doing here, what do you want?

Fran: Um, we -- uh, we -- uhhh WE are here for a good reason hm-hm-hmmm! And we're here to announce that you're all under arrest.

Kat: The Goddess puts her hand out and she just, puts her hand out to you Fran and then she takes a  step forward, and she takes off her veil, and she sorta pauses, and lets people look at her, and then everybody-- it's the same thing, like everywhere you've been, every time people see her face, they just get down on one knee.

Noel: I say:

Fran: That's right, so you can turn yourselves in, one at a time, and you can line up to my left.

Kat: The tiefling-orc, from his place on the ground:

Magician: [distressed] We've only been trying to get everything ready for the festival! I don't understand what we've done to displease you my Goddess!

Corbin: You have the right to remain silent.

Laika: Anything you say can and will be used against you.

Corbin: In the court of law. Or should I say in the court of caw! Like caw-caw crow! [Noel wheezes in the distance] You also have the right to an attorney. [all laugh]

Kat: Okay. The Goddess is just shaking her head furiously while you guys are talking, like "No, no, no, no." She signs to you guys:

Goddess: Please translate, please tell them what I'm saying.

Sophia: You got this.

Goddess: No one is under arrest, we only are asking to requisition one of your laboratories.

Noel: Okay I say,

Fran: No one is under arrest, YET. And we need one of your laboratories right away.

Magician: I don't understand what's going on but okay! Okay sure, uh yeah, uh, take the first one on the left.

Fran: Thank you we'll also need a beautiful assistant.

Magician: I'll send you my most beautiful assistant right away. Right away my Goddess!

Kat: So you guys go to this laboratory and it's a mess. Like this is clearly somebody's personal laboratory, there is a family picture on the wall of a beautiful human family, there’s some old coffee cups... But there's also a bunch perfectly good lab equipment.

Fran: So, before we start, my Goddess, regardless of how these lanterns turn out, I don't know if we should go through with the Festival of Lights.

Goddess: Why not?

Fran: Because it seems like Cecilia and Cordelia are planning something, don't you remember they were trying to block off all the exits and keep us away from you?

Corbin: It's clearly going to be a coup-d'état.

Kat: The Goddess shakes her head and says,

Goddess: Cecilia and Cordelia are -- who knows where they are. And if I don't make this appearance, then things are just going to look worse... I mean they haven't told me much, but I know that I'm not trusted.

Laika: What if we just postpone it, for like a year's time.

Goddess: Then it's next year...

Laika: Yeah!

Goddess: No...

Corbin: What if we postpone it for like a month?

Goddess: Then it's not the -- [sighs]

Corbin: What if you change the calendar, you're the Goddess!

Laika: You can do whatever you want!

Corbin: Yeah!

Kat: She makes a silencing gesture.

Goddess: No. No. I will not do this. I have to show my people that I am their Goddess. And if there are forces that are attempting to  keep me from doing that, then it is all the more reason that I should show up for them.

Fran: [uncertainly] Alright... Your funeral... And my funeral and Corbin's funeral and Laika's funeral!

Corbin: I'm ready to die for the cause.

Kat: And then your beautiful assistant comes in, and he is tall, dark --

Noel: And beautiful.

Kat: And beautiful. He is a...

Noel: [whispers] Is he a dwarf?

Kat: Yes. He's a tall, dark, beautiful dwarf named Swan Rockson. [all are jubilant] And he says:

Swan: [deep, sexy voice] Hello ladies. What can I help you with?

Kat: And he says this looking directly at you, Corbin.

Corbin: Oh, hello, uh, yes, uh, we need you to run some chemical tests on, uh, on these lantern things that we've got here, we need you to figure out if something is amiss! Like gunpowder, or...

Laika: Poison!

Corbin: Poison, or...

Swan: Well I s'pose I can run a full battery of tests, but I can tell you I've been working on the compound myself and it's nothing but a chromatic powder!

Kat: And the Goddess, she signs and asks you guys to translate and she says,

Goddess: You know, we just need you to run whatever tests you can, we just want to be extra sure. Please, this is coming directly from me.

Kaitlin: And I say:

Corbin: Safety first, bitch, straight from the Goddess!

Swan: Oh, okay, well, um, I guess I will get right to work at this.

Kat: And he, he is very uncomfortable. But he does run his tests [dice roll]. Okay. As he's running the tests, at first it seems like things are going pretty smoothly, like he's just ticking off boxes, running his test, ticking off a box and he runs another test, ticks off another box and then he runs another test, and then -- and then he stops. And he looks around and he runs another test. And he runs another test. And then he leaves the room, and he doesn't say anything to you guys though, he just leaves the room. Then he comes back and he has a couple more vials and he runs another test. And he sorta shakes his head and goes:

Swan: Hm. I don't know why it's doing this.

Laika: Treason!

Swan: Wha? I mean it's not anything bad, it's just, it's more reflective than I thought it would be.

Fran: Reflective?

Swan: I mean, we've run plenty of tests on it and I guess the way the magic is built on it...

Laika: I open up my Divine Sense.

Sophia: What do I get?

Kat: There is something divine about it. Like when you look at the Goddess, who is this blinding pure divinity in the room, and then you look at this and you can tell they're in the same school.

Sophia: So it's good!

Kat: It is a pure, white light.

Noel: But is it actually that, or is it just reflecting the Goddess?

Sophia: I ask the Goddess just to step outside the room.

Kat: She does. She doesn't quite understand why, but she does.

Sophia: Does the vial change?

Kat: Yeah actually, it does! It is less reflective.

Sophia: Hmm... I tell her she can come back in. And then I share my information with you guys.

Swan: The reflectiveness aside, I can tell you there's no poison, it's not gunpowder, it's not gonna explode in any way except for into some pretty colors in the sky -- it’s what it's made to do.

Sophia: Let's do a test! Let's see one go off.

Swan: Sure, okay.

Kat: So you guys go out to the courtyard and you take a lantern with you and he steps back and sorta gestures to the Goddess. She squares up her shoulders and she lifts her hands towards the sky... and the lantern begins to float! And it floats up and up into the sky, and you can't really see it very well because it's daytime, but there's this pop of just this brilliant crimson red in the sky, and it fades away. But other than that, you don't see anything.

Sophia: Red?

Kat: Yeah!

Sophia: Are they all red?

Noel: Why does it matter if they're red?

Sophia: 'Cuz isn't that Torva's color?

Noel: I mean, I suppose. What I'm thinking more is that this is some kind of power conductor and it's gonna be used against us.

Sophia: Okay.

Noel: Or some kind of reflecting thing...

Sophia: Yeah I think we gotta convince them to go back to the old-school lanterns.

Noel: Yes.

Swan: You're gonna have to talk to my boss. I'm just your beautiful assistant.

Sophia: Alright! Let's talk to your boss!

Kat: Okay, so you go talk to his boss, which was the tiefling-orc, and he is in the middle of directing people -- they're in overtime here. He goes:

Boss: What, my Goddess, what can we do for you?

Kat: She says:

Goddess: You know, I think my attendants can best explain it.

[all laugh]

Sophia: Corbin, you give it a shot.

Corbin: Alright, hello, hello, my name is Corbin...

Kat: I'm gonna have you roll to convince this guy!

Corbin: Oh yes.

Kaitlin: Oh my persuasion's not very good... [rolls] Uh, that's a 6 plus 1 which is 7, but I --

Sophia: Oh no!

Kat: You hitched your horse to this wagon.

Kaitlin: I'm gonna make a great case for myself.

Corbin: Um, yes, so. I think that considering that you're all the idiots who let like basically like an evil villain dictate what you put inside your compound --

Boss: What are you talking about?!

Corbin: Uhh, I think you know what I'm talking about, you let an evil villain decide what was going to go inside your compound!

Boss: My Goddess, what is he talking about?

Kat: And the Goddess is looking at you like "What are you talking about?"

Noel: I put a silent image of the old lanterns in front of the Goddess.

Laika: You know, I just think like there's all this new technology in the world and it's like we can always think we can do better and better, but like look at this old lantern. Look at this classic symbol. This is what Estra is about, just old lanterns. So, I really think --

Kat: Swan Rockson cuts in:

Swan: We don't have any of the old lanterns. We--

Sophia: I step on his foot.

Swan: Ow! Why would you do that, we don't --

Laika: So it's settled then.

Swan: We don't have any. We didn't make any of the old lanterns. We make these specially each year, it's a months-long ordeal to make these.

Noel: How hard would it be to switch out the compound, and not change the lantern?

Swan: Impossible. I could stand here and  explain the complex chemistry that goes into each one of these lanterns, but I don't think that'd be a productive use of our time.

Fran: [quickly] Guy who's going to go back to the old lanterns says what!

Kat: Okay, the Goddess shakes her head. She says:

Goddess: Enough, enough! I understand your concerns. I understand that with all that has happened recently, we have to be careful. But chasing down leads about lanterns is not... this is just a waste of our time. Here is what we'll do. We will remove the banners and  the decorations of those types that Cordelia and Cecilia were suggesting. We will do our best to nullify any of those efforts, we will double our guard. I will still make my appearance, these lanterns will still go up, and as soon as we are done, you will escort me back to the forest.

Laika: On one condition.

Goddess: Yes, Laika.

Laika: We use my old master's system, the Buddy System. And we are never, ever apart from you, we are tied by ropes to each other, literally.

Kat: This also explains a lot about Laika. If this was the system she trained with.

Laika: That's Buddy's system!

Kat: Buddy's got a good system. I'm sure kindergartens for years to come will use such a system.

Noel: Alright, well, the Goddess does not seem to be very [sighs] receptive to our ideas about stopping this madness.

Kat: I mean like, what good argument have you really presented her? That you have kind of a hunch, based on the--

Sophia: We know that old lanterns are better! That's a great argument, technology is scary!

Noel: Alright, well...

Kaitlin: We did what we could.

Kat: You did what you could. So yeah, let's get into the Festival of Lights! So, you guys return to the city temple and you are greeted by a lot of very worked up attendants. Like they have-- You went missing. The Goddess went missing overnight. Cecelia, Cordelia went missing. Everybody is freaking out.

Kaitlin: Actually I do have a question.

Kat: Mhm?

Kaitlin: So like the Goddess is the, you know, tippy-top. But is there like a political council or some second-tier group of people that should know about a potential danger?

Kat: Um, that's a good question. Yes. But it would have been Cecelia and Cordelia. They are the next people down from the Goddess. They are like her most trusted advisors.

Kaitlin: Okay.

Kat: And then there is also the high-level clergy but they are not really involved in the state matters. The Goddess is kind of like it for government in Estra. Which has worked really, really well for thousands of years because she's been a single presence. I mean, what better leader than the one who literally remembers everything from the beginning of your civilization.

Kaitlin: Mhm.

Sophia: Can we alert the guard know?

Kat: Yeah, actually. Yeah, you can. You can let them know as much as you want to let them know.

Sophia: So we want to tell the guard of Estra that extra guards should be placed around the Goddess. That Cecelia or Cordelia, or anyone looking suspicious in Deer attendants robes should not be allowed anywhere near the Goddess. That they are suspected of treason and plotting against the Goddess. And that if they see anything suspicious they should let us know.

Kat: Okay. Alright. So you guys after you get changed into your ceremonial armor, and you look like 10 out of 10 stunner babes, [Noel laughs] you go with the Goddess as she gets prepared. And there is the Crow and the Wolf attendant that you met on day one that have kind of stepped up to be the Goddess's attendants. They paint the gold designs on her skin and they do her hair for her, and it's a very involved, long process.

Kat: So just as the sun is starting to set, you guys get in formation. The Goddess leads but in front of her are two guards, then it's the Goddess, and then it is the three of you close behind her, her two attendants, and then some more guards. Exit into the courtyard. And throughout the day as you guys have been getting ready, the Magician's Workshop attendants have been hard at work getting everything set up. There is just this field of lanterns all around the temple square, surrounding the stage and the rows of chairs. You all walk through the gates from the main temple down into this packed temple square. And it just bursts into applause. Everybody is on their feet, cheering, screaming, losing their minds, like people are so excited to see their Goddess. And as you walk through the crowd, this pathway of golden light begins to unfold with every step the Goddess takes through this crowd and it just shines like this beacon as you approach the stage.

Kat [continuing]: And there are chairs set up where there are some important city officials and important clergy. They are seated at the front of the crowd. Everyone else is just elbowing for room. They are trying to get in close. They are trying to get a look at the Goddess but there are guards everywhere. They are holding people back and keeping people away from the Goddess. So you guys have shifted you places a bit since rehearsal after finding out what you've found out. And you're no longer standing far away from the Goddess on stage, you are right up with her. However, Cecelia's place has now been taken by the Crow attendant. 

Kat: [chuckles] She seems pretty nervous. like this is not her job. She's not supposed to be up here. This is not her place but she is soldiering on, she is doing it. You all take your places and the Goddess raises her open palms to the crowd to call for silence. And everyone is silent. And they are all staring at her in awe and reverence. And the Crow attendant steps up to the end of the stage and casts a spell to amplify her voice. And her hands are shaking as she holds this little scrap of paper and you can see is kind of damp, like her hands have been kind of sweaty. But she says:

Crow Attendant: The Goddess welcomes you to-- to this uh, evening of remembrance, mourning, and celebration. Tonight, we pay tribute to all of those who were lost in the Great Calamity. We pay tribute who fell victim to the cruel machinations of the gods of old. We pay tribute to those unable to escape the fires. Tonight we send our lights to the heavens so they know they are not forgotten. They will never be forgotten. We few on this tiny, island continue to honor their memory and continue on, journeying through the dark. Dreaming of a world that was lost to us before we even knew it. Tonight we celebrate our continued survival. We send our dreams to those no longer able to dream with us. We send our prayers for continued peace, safety, and prosperity. 

Kat: She finishes the speech and crumples up this little damp paper in her hands. And the Goddess puts her hand on the attendant's elbow. And she gives her this smile, tell her that she's done a good job. And she steps in front of the attendant and she hurries backward. And the Goddess stands at the end of the stage, and she's cradling a lantern in her hands. And as she steps forward, a tiefling child breaks through to the front of the crowd and everybody sort of panics a little bit at first, but the Goddess she just sort of kneels down [Kaitlin makes a noise of suspicion]. And she holds out a hand to him and brings him up on stage with her.

Kaitlin [very uncomfortably]: Mmm-mmm.

Noel: Uhhhhh... I step forward next to the Goddess and I'm watching this kid.

Kat: She sees that you guys are starting to sort of gear up to you know, step forward--

Sophia: Destroy a child!?

[laughter]

Kat: Destroy this child.

[Kaitlin laughs very hard.]

Sophia: Kill him!

Kat: And she holds a hand up to you guys. And she takes this child's hands in hers and together, they lift up the lantern into the sky. It floats up and as it does, all of the other lanterns light and they float upwards. And it's beautiful. Like every single one is its own individual color. It's representing each of the individual lives that were lost and all of the individual wishes of the residents of Estra. They float up into the sky in this beautiful rainbow of lights. And the child is looking up and is just delighted.

Kat: And I'm going to have you all make perception checks.

Noel: Ay yai yai.

Sophia: Oh that baby.

[rolls of dice]

Sophia: Hmm. I see nothing.

Kaitlin: I got twenty, but not natural twenty.

Noel: I got a 14.

Kat: Okay! Laika, you are also enchanted by the lights. You are absolutely delighted by this. It is amazing.

Sophia [sarcastically]: Ha ha ha.

Kat: You guys, however, see in the alleyway. One of the ones that should have been covered but it is not anymore. You see an archer step out and take aim. You two make dex checks, Fran and Corbin.

[rolls] 

Noel: Mhm.

Kaitlin: Again a tweet but not a natural twenty.

Kat: Okay.

Noel: I got a 19.

Kat: Okay. Corbin, you act swiftly and decisively. You run up and just shove the Goddess out of the way but as you do this the arrow hits you in the shoulder. And people scream. There is just the beginnings of panic, and then you look up and you see all these lights in the sky are turning pink. This brilliant, like bright pink--

Noel: Like in Corbin's damn dream.

Kat: Yeah.

[Kaitlin chuckles strainedly]

Kat: And as more lanterns reach the barrier you see that every time they are hitting it, it's turning this brighter and brighter pink. Until it begins to disintegrate. And there is this huuuge gust of wind as the barrier comes down all at once, suddenly. And you're all going to have to make dex checks.

[rolling]

Noel: 17?

Kaitlin: I rolled exactly what I rolled last time.

Kat: Jesus! What is wrong with you? [laughs of disbelief]

Sophia: That's an eight for me.

Kat: Oh no. Fran and Corbin, you are able to stay upright but Laika, you and the Goddess are both knocked over. And I'm going to have you make another dex save.

Sophia: To grab her?

Kat: Mhm.

[rolls]

Sophia: Okay. Shit! That's a five... seven.

Kat: Yeah, you aren't able to grab her and she is knocked away from you guys. And this scene has quickly turned into chaos and panic as people are being blown over and there is just this powerful wind that is ripping through the entire city. You look out and you see banners are flying off of building sand windows are shattering with just the sheer force of the wind.

Sophia: Can I make like, either an acrobatics, I'm not sure what it would be. I want to try and throw myself in the direction that the Goddess is going, so I can try and grab her again.

Kat: Sure. Yeah, yeah.

[rolls]

Sophia: Mmm, 21?

Kat: Okay, yeah, you're able to. So you throw yourself into the wind, and you are able to grab onto her hand. And now both of you are being blown along. And you actually are-- you land, you do land just a little ways away. But as you land, the ground begins to crack under your feet. And it's like the whole island is beginning to shake. And the ground opens up, and you're falling. You and the Goddess are falling. Corbin and Fran, where are you guys?

Noel: Umm, uh, I don't know. Where are we?

[all laugh nervously]

Kat: Yeah, you're-- I guess, I suppose you guys are still on the stage. You didn't fall down.

Noel: Can we see where they're going?

Kat: Yeah, they've been blown probably a hundred yards away at this point. Um--

Noel: Okay, well I'm gonna grab onto Corbin. Corbin grab onto me.

Kaitlin: I grab onto you.

Kat: You grab onto each other.

Kaitlin: We grab onto each other.

Noel: We are holding each other very tightly and I think we should go where the Goddess is going. [Kaitilin makes noises of agreement.] Try to jump into the wind.

Kat: Dive after her?

Noel and Kaitlin: Yes.

Kat: Yeah. So as you guys run into the wind, running after her, you see in front of you as buildings are starting to topple. Things are just starting to crack and crumble. And you hear people screaming as they are thrown out of buildings and off of balconies. The ground is cracking open and people are falling into the sky. Fires are starting as hearths are sheared in two. And you guys jump after the Goddess into the sky. But there is nothing under there. You all are free-falling. As the island above you is crumbling.

Noel: Alright, well, I have Feather Fall.

Kaitlin: Yeah, I was just gonna say. [Kaitlin laughs]

Sophia: Also are our animals with us?

Kat: Yeah, they were with you but--

Sophia: Yeah, I think they'd follow us.

Kat: Yeah, and they're following you closely.

Kaitlin: Berger-Jerger can fly so...

Kat: Yeah, Berger-Jerger can fly. Berger-Jerger's doing okay. Um actually, Gingie and Bae are-- they are up on the island still and they are clinging to a piece of falling rubble as it's tilting down.

Sophia [sad and distraught]: Nooo, Gingieee!

Kaitlin: Can I have Berger-Jerger go help the other animal companions somehow?

Sophia: Yes! Please!

Kat: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Okay so I tell Berger-Jerger to go do that.

Kat: okay so Berger-Jerger, heeding you command, swoops to the rescue of the other two animal companions. And as you see Berger-Jerger get there, [rolls] she barely avoids a piece of falling rubble but you can't see what happens next. That blocks your view.

Kaitlin [sadly]: Okay.

Kat: So Fran has cast Feather Fall.

Noel: Mm.

Kat: And in the wind, not falling down, that just means you're going to be blown around hither and thither. Laika, I'm going to have you make another save to stay entwined with the Goddess and Corbin and Fran I'm going to have you make saves to stay together.

Sophia: Is that strength or dex?

Kat: Uhh, yeah I'll have you make strength because you guys are holding onto each other. [rolling]

Sophia: That is 15.

Kat: Okay. Yeah, she-- that'll do.

Kaitlin: I rolled a 19.

Kat: Yeah?

Noel: 15.

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: Are you guys holding onto to each other or [noises of affirmation]-- and following us?

Kaitlin: Have we gotten close enough to grab onto Laika or the--?

Kat: I mean, you are free-falling at this point.

Noel: Yeah, I mean, we're falling at sixty feet per round.

Kat: Which is considerably slower and there are-- I mean, you can see there are people casting Feather Fall. I mean, pretty much everybody on this island knows some form of magic. But there's nothing to land on. You are free-falling into the sky. And the island is just disintegrating above you. As you're all trying to get to each other, as you're all trying to stay safe, there is a moment. Everything goes still. And Laika, you see as you are holding onto the Goddess, her eyes are glowing bright golden. And she reaches out, and it's like she reaches into the sky and holds up Estra for just another moment. The island is stable and it's okay for a second, and everybody has stopped falling and stopped being blown around by these winds. 

[music stops]

Kat: But she can't hold it. She can't carry it anymore, and her eyes go dull and she passes out. And just everything spins out of control. Pieces of the island go flying in different directions. Some of them go east, west, down, up. It explodes. And you're alone. And you're falling. And Estra has fallen. 

[A sad song plays and the episode comes to a close. There are no outtakes to soothe the heart-break.]