Dames & Dragons 02. Festival of Lights (Part 2)

Sometimes in life, you and your friends just have to make a mortal flesh tower to get through the day. As the Trials continue, Corbin has an unfortunate encounter with a watery grave, disappears from existence, and acquires a nemesis for life--not necessarily in that order.

(Also featuring sound-quality issues which are fixed in later episodes.)

✂️ Arc 1 Outtakes & Extras ✂️

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Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: KAT

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by NOEL

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by SOPHIA

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by KAITLIN

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 2 – Festival of Lights (Part 2)

Noel: Hello there, dames. Hello there, dragons. Before we get started I need to make a note about the sound quality in this episode and the next. As we recorded our first few episodes in this hurried rapturous idealistic fury... we failed to notice that our borrowed all-around mic was not working properly? Until we’d already recorded three episodes with it. It had a loud side and it picks up background noise like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Uh, we’ve since solved the problems we’re having, but episodes two and three suffered a bit for it. It’s still definitely listenable, but I just want to assure everyone that this is not the new normal. We’re so sorry for any inconvenience and we hope you enjoy the episode!

**

Kat: Hey! Welcome. Welcome to Dames and Dragons! The second–? Second episode of this. Do you ever have those weeks where you feel like... You start the week and you’re in Hell. And then, and then every single subsequent day, you’re going into another level of Hell, and you think ‘Well, at least I’m at the bottom now.’ And then it just keeps fucking going down? 

Sophia: Yeah!

Kat: Yeah, that was my week. How was your guys’ week?

[Silence, followed by Sophia releasing a pained gasp]

[Laughter]

Sophia: Umm…

Kat: Hard to follow that, I know. 

Sophia: … Good.

Noel: How are you, Kaitlin?

Kaitlin: I- I actually-- I can’t quite follow that? I’m like, that asshole who’s like, gonna try to one-up you but is, is not quite that bad? I did get food poisoning this week, and now I have a sinus infection. So…

[Guardians Theme (Festival of Lights) Starts fading in]

Kat: I had to quit my job!

Kaitlin: I know Kat! I know, it’s really bad for you. 

Kat: It’s great! It was super great and I’ve really, seriously considered… keying an old man’s car.

Kaitlin: Awww.

Kat: And then I seriously considered slashing his tires. And then I seriously considered murdering him. 

Noel: Was the old man Donald Trump? 

[Laughter]

Kat: [in a funny voice] Current events! Ooh boy, politics!

Noel: Yeah, can’t live with them, can’t live without ‘em, that’s what I always say.

Kaitlin: That’s– That’s what they come to the DND podcast for. 

Kat: [Laughing] Let’s play some DND, you guys. 

[Guardians Theme (Festival of Lights) plays]

Kat: Okay. My name is Kat, I am your Dungeon Master! 

Noel: My name is Noel and I play Fran!

Kaitlin: I’m Kaitlin and I play the Cool Corbin.

Sophia: I'm Sophia and I play Laika of the Wolf Clan.

Kat: Okay! Awesome. So last time we were here, you guys got together, you met each other, you're taking your roles as guardians of the Goddess. And… you started your final trial together! You went through two puzzle rooms, and took way longer than I thought you would to figure them out.

[Kat, Sophia and Noel laugh]

Kat: Uh, and… Now, you just finished your second puzzle! And two doors opened. There is one door that is on your right and one door that is directly across from where you came in. Which one would you like to go through?

Noel: I’m... gonna do a Perception check... to see if I notice anything about. The doors. 

Kaitlin: Hmm.

[Dice rolling]

Noel: [Laughing] I got a seven plus two, I got a nine!

Kat: The doors… are solid. 

Noel: Oh, the doors…

Kaitlin: Wow.

[Sophia humming sagely]

Kat: They’re definitely doors. 100% doors.

Noel: Yeah, I see the doors. 

Sophia: That’s good. It’s good to know. 

Kaitlin: Oh… I wanna do a Perception check... ‘Cause my Perception is… okay!

[Laughter]

Kat: Ringing endorsement.

Kaitlin: Oh, it’s better– it’s better than Fran’s! I got, uh, over twenty.

Kat: Okay, uh, you can tell that one door… uh, one is directly across from you, [stumbling over words] you can look through– and you –think to look through–

Kaitlin: Cool. Use eyes. 

[Laughter] 

Kat: [Laughing] Use eyes. You can see that that hallway is much shorter and it turns sharply to the left. The other one is a long hallway and it turns right. 

Kaitlin: Cool. Do I smell anything? Like what’s my–  how’s my olfactory.

Kat: Smell… It smells… Dank. 

Kaitlin: Daaank.

Kat: It smells like that dank dank earth.

Kaitlin, whispering: Oh.

Noel: Both ways? 

Kat: Both ways, it smells dank.

Kaitlin: Which-- is there like one way that smells more dank than the other? 

Kat: The shorter hallway smells more dank.

Kaitlin: That’s the one we gotta go down. We gotta go down the short one. 

Noel: Now, you guys, before we go… I just wanted to point out that it’s feeling like Saturday Night Fever in here… So we got colored tiles on the floor, and my shirt is still strobin’.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: How long does that spell last?

Noel: Probably not that long, but. I just decided it’s still strobing. I’ll cast it again if not! I just did it.

[Everyone laughs]

Sophia: Alright. 

Kat: Alright. So—

[Quizzical, romantic violins: ‘happy orchestral’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons soundtrack)’ starts playing]

Noel: And also… also, uh... we’ve… we’ve known each other for a while now.

Kaitlin: Hmm.

Noel: You know, like a few minutes. Uh, and, because of how Fran’s character is, I’m gonna have to roll to fall in love. 

[Everyone else laughs]

Noel: [Laughing] Um, uh, because I don’t particularly like either of you, I’m gonna have a high resistance–  [Sophia laughing] –but you know what? What happens, happens. 

[Dice rolling]

Noel: And… that was for Corbin. And that was for Laika.

Sophia: Oh.

Noel: Uh, Fran's not– Fran does not appear to act differently towards either of you. 

Sophia: [indignant gasp]

[Laughter]

Kat: Fran does not fall in love with either of you...

Noel : … Yet. Not yet.

[Someone clicks their tongue]

[Noel laughs]

Kat: Okay. So! You guys head down the hallway to your right. You take that turn and it comes to… a… another door! That you can see through there is a large, round room. And chained to the center of the room… chained to the ground is an enormous Stone Golem. About twenty feet tall. 

[music fades in]

Noel: Whoa.

Kat: On the very top of its head you can see a silver key much like the two 

you’ve already collected. 

Sophia: Hmm.

Noel: Okay. Where is it? On top of its head?

Kat: Yep! Right on top of its head. 

[Laughter]

Kat: What are you two doing?

Kaitlin: I was just trying to–

[Sophia laughs so hard while talking her speech is unintelligible]

Kat: They just– [Sophia laughing really hard in the background] -- for the listeners at home, to communicate what just happened: Sophia held up a small piece of paper to Kaitlin with some writing on it, Kaitlin shrugged and shook her head, [background laughter], and Noel and I sat here confused.  

Kaitlin: We didn’t want to interrupt the flow of the podcast with our–

Noel: We were all being silent. 

[Everyone laughs]

Sophia: There’s nothing secret going on... that you need to worry about…

Kaitlin: We have nooooo secrets…

Sophia: Nothing… 

Kat: Sophia–

Sophia: With nobody… [crosstalk]

Kat: [crosstalk] … Sophia is giving me shifty eyes. 

Sophia: …needs to know.

Kat: I believe they have a secret but I’m gonna ignore that for now. [Sophia shushing] What do you guys wanna do?

Kaitlin: Um, I don’t want to provoke the golem.

Kat: Okay.

Noel: How do you plan to not provoke it? 

Kaitlin: [Laughing] Quietly. 

Sophia: He’s asleep? Like we’re right by him and he’s asleep?

Kat: You guys haven’t entered the room I just told you what’s inside it, but you have not told me you entered it. 

Sophia: Well, we need that key.

Kaitlin: We need the key anyways, yeah… 

Sophia: Yeah, so… It’s pretty dank in here. 

Kaitlin: Oh, oh, actually, wait, wait, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait, wait, wait-wait, wait. I have. A really cool spell! 

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: Alright…

Kaitlin: It’s called Pass Without A Trace.

Kat: Okay.

Kaitlin: It’s real sweet. Um, and it, uh, is basically, it says: ‘A veil of shadows and silence radiates from you, masking you and your companions from detection. For the duration, each creature you choose within thirty feet of you, including you, has a plus one– plus ten’, I almost said plus one hundred– [laughing] ‘plus ten bonus!’ ‘to... Dexterity checks and can’t be tracked except by magical means. A creature that receives this bonus leaves behind no tracks or other traces of its passage.’

Kat: Cool! 

Kaitlin: Cool, right? 

Kat: Very cool. So. You won’t be detected by it. You cast that spell.

Kaitlin: Yeah, I do. 

 Kat: How are you gonna get up to its head? 

Kaitlin: Uhh. Well. Carefully. 

[Laughter]

Noel: Are you just gonna climb?

Kaitlin: [Laughing] Y-yeah!

Kat: You cast it on all three of you?

Kaitlin: Yeah, I cast it on everybody.

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: H-how tall is it? Is it, is it climbable?

Kaitlin: Yeah, what’s the size? 

Kat: He’s twenty feet tall.

Kaitlin: He’s chained to something, right? 

Kat: He’s chained to the floor. He’s chained to the ground.

Kaitlin: Okay.

Sophia: Hold up. How tall are all of we? [Everyone laughing] ‘Cause if we stand on top of each other…

Kaitlin: [laughing] I don’t know how tall… all of we are.

Sophia: [laughing] I’m six foot one, so… 

Kaitlin: I think I’m short.

Noel: I’m five’ three”. 

Kat: Six’one”, plus five’three”...

Kaitlin: Wait… I’m five’six”.

Kat: Okay, so you’re still…

Kaitlin: Wait…

Noel: How about… wait, it’s not gonna work.

[Laughter]

Kat: We are it’s ‘not gonna work’ tall, when stacked on top of each other.

Sophia: I have a pretty long sword, though. Like what if–

Kat: Hmmmm.

Sophia:  –what if one of us like, held onto the sword… like–

Kaitlin: Can you stop bringing your sword into everything?

Sophia: I just want you guys to pay attention... 

[Kat laughs]

Noel: So, um, I have a spell called Enlarge and Reduce. 

[Everyone laughs]

Kaitlin: Uhooooo, I love that spell.

Noel: Um, so listen… Should I enlarge us or reduce the golem? 

Sophia: Enlarge us. 

Kaitlin: Make us BIG! 

Noel: Um, no, because there’s three of us, it’s not gonna work. 

Kaitlin: What–

Noel: It’s not gonna work! I have to reduce the golem. Okay, so if I use this to reduce… it has to– I mean, if it’s alive, it has to make a Constitution saving throw. 

[Dice rolling]

Kat: That is going to be… twenty-one.

Noel, laughing: Welp! The spell has no effect.

[Laughter]

Noel: Uhh..well. 

[Laughter]

Kat: I’m just going to point out that this is an enormous Stone Golem? 

Noel: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Hmm hmm.

Kat: … Did you think that it would not have good Constitution?

Noel: I didn’t know what it’s Constitution would be. I thought that maybe it would roll a one.

[Kaitlin and Sophia laughing]

Noel: I wondered if it would maybe fail. ‘Cause I’ve done that.

[Kaitlin and Sophia laughing]

Kat: I’m so sorry.

Noel: Well… I didn’t do it, you guys.

Sophia: Daaaamn.

Kaitlin: Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 

Kat: … Character voices.

Kaitlin: I’m sorry. 

Laika: Daaamn.

Corbin: Cool cool cool.

Kat: … Is that, your character?

Kaitlin: I thought you had more of a Batman voice? 

Laika, deeper: Damn. Da-? [Laughing] dAAUMN?

Sophia: [sadly] What does it sound like?

Kaitlin: [gruffly] Wasn’t it like this? 

Noel: No, it was not like–

Kat: What?

Kaitlin: I feel it was like that.

Noel: Um, no, first you were like, 

Noel doing Laika:[making Old Man Laika impression] ‘Gingie, c’mon!’ 

Noel: And we were all like ‘that sucks’, and then you went:

Noel doing Laika: [Regular Laika impression] ‘Gingie, c’mon!’

Kaitlin, doing her Laika impression: ‘Gingie, ‘c’mon!’

[Everyone laughing]

Sophia: It sounds like Ash Ketchum.

[Everyone laughing]

Kaitlin: [doing an Ash Ketchum impression]‘Hey, it’s me Ash! I’m a twelve-year-old kid! I’m just a boy!’

Kat: [also doing an impression]‘I’ve been twelve for so long…’

Kaitlin: [doing an extra gruff Ash] How long have you been twelve?

Kat, quietly: ‘… A while.’

[Muffled laughter, the low, soft whisper of an “Oh my God”]

Noel: Anyway. Umm– [Kaitlin dying] The spell didn't work. Let’s just go try and climb it.

Sophia : Alright.

Kaitlin: [concerned] KAy...

Noel: We clearly don’t have any spells that can work. 

Sophia: Hold on. Can I suggest we stand on top of each other, one of us leaps onto the head, grabs the key, and then we just run for it. 

Noel: That’s gonna be a lot of… saves, but let’s do it.

[Kaitlin laughing]

Kaitlin: Alright!

Kat: Okay. So, who’s gonna be on the bottom of the pyramid?

Sophia: Me, I’m tall. 

Kat: Okay, who’s gonna climb on top?

Kaitlin: I, I–

Noel: Laika, and then? 

Kaitlin: I feel like– how tall are you?

Noel: And then Corbin, and then I’m gonna climb on top–

Kaitlin: Wait, how, tall are you?

Noel: I’m five’three”!

Kaitlin: Oh, okay!

Noel: It doesn’t matter! It’s not gonna affect [laughing] anything! 

Kaitlin: I know, it just– it might! Alright, okay, I climb–

Laika: [gutturally and a little seductively] Get up on me. 

Kaitlin, hesitantly: I climb… on top of Laika. 

Kat: So, you’re gonna need to make a Dexterity check.

Kaitlin: Cool.

Kat: And you’re going to need to make a Constitution check. 

Sophia: Wouldn’t that be like Strength, maybe? Since I’m like–

Kat: Mm yeah, okay. You do Strength.

Sophia: Okay. [Dice rolling] Well, that’s a fourteen plus two, so sixteen. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: Okay, um, I also got a fourteen, plus two.

Kat: Alright! So this time you guys coordinate, and Corbin you are able to get up onto Laika’s shoulders.

Kaitlin: Cool.

Kat: And now Fran, you have got to uh, to make the, complete the totem pole.

Fran: So now that I see you guys doing it, I’m kindaaaa… losing motivation? [Laughs]

Corbin: Fran! Please. Get on, top of me. 

Fran: [Laughing] As enticing as that is, Corbin! I don’t know if I’m really feeling it, like, uaaaaaauahaaugggh!

Corbin: Come feel this! 

Laika: Feel this, it feels pretty good. 

Corbin: Yeah.

Fran: [Laughing] You guys are bad at convincing me, but like, I do feel sorry for you, so I’m gonna do it. 

Noel: Alright, so I am gonna make a DEX…

Kat: You’re gonna make– yeah, make a DEX, and then Sophie and Corbin, you both have to make another Strength check.

Noel: Alright, so I’m gonna–

Kaitlin: Wait, Strength? Not Constitution?

Kat: Strength. 

Noel: So, we get plus ten on DEX, right? 

Kaitlin: Yep, plus ten on DEX. Nothing else.

Noel: Okay so I’m... gonna be fine, but you guys have to be strong! You guys need to hold it tight!– [Kaitlin laughing]– [laughing] I’m rolling, I’m 

rolling! 

[Dice rolling]

Noel: I got over twenty on DEX, I’m doing great. 

Sophia: That’s a nineteen. 

Kaitlin: [laughing] I got a five!

Sophia: Oh my god. 

Noel: Plus what?

Kaitlin: Uh, plus zero.

Noel: ♪ I’m comin’ up and I’m feelin’ great ♪ Then what happens?

Sophia: [Laughing] So wait, what– can she stay on me, and just Kaitlin falls out? 

Kaitlin: Yeah, I just fall out. 

Kat: Yeah, yeah, so, Fran, you go to climb Laika, and you are doing, so good! You are like Spider Man? And then as you get– you get up Laika, and you’re gonna start shimmying up Corbin, and you just sorta push him off! [Everyone laughing] And he just falls right off!

Corbin: God damn it!

Fran: Aaahhaaaa-aaa! Hah-ha! 

Kat: So now you’re the middle of the totem. 

Fran: I love this! I did it on purpose!

[Everyone laughing]

Corbin: I’m gonna climb back up there. 

[Dice rolling]

Noel: Alright, so I got sixteen... plus one. Err no, minus one. Laughing] Fifteen Strength!

Sophia: Nine plus two so…

Kat: Eleven.

Sophia: Eleven..

Kat: Okay

Kaitlin: I got nineteen, with a plus ten Dexterity bonus. 

Kat: Okay, so Corbin is so swift- so swift! That even though Laika is losing her strength, and is starting to sorta- start to fumble, you are able to get to the top of the totem.

Kaitlin: I do it, you guys, I do it! 

Noel: It was all worth it, it was all worth it. 

Kat: You are just several feet–

Noel: You are… very far from the–

Kaitlin: WHAT-- FEET?

Sophia: Uh, You’re gonna have to-- 

Laika: You’re gonna have to leap!

Fran: I’ll push you-- I’ll push you up! 

Corbin: I’m going to jump.

[Sophia laughing]

Kat: Launchpad!

Noel: Alright, what kind of thing do I need to roll?

Kat: I guess make a Strength check.

Kaitlin: Um, isn’t there like a rule for jumping?

Kat: Uh, it’s half your movement.

Kaitlin: … In feet? So I can jump fifteen feet? Okay.

[Dice rolling]

Noel: I got a natural twenty–!

Kaitlin: Holy shit!

Noel: –in pushing someone to jump!

Kaitlin: What was I– what was I rolling? Under? Like, what–

Kat: That was a–

Kaitlin: Skill?

Kat: I guess that was Dexterity?

Noel: So you got over twenty!

Kaitlin: So– no, I got, that’s a twelve–

Noel: Plus ten!

Kaitlin: Oh! Shit, yeah, okay yeah, nevermind. Yeah, cool!

Kat: [laughing] In a surge of super strength-!

[Everyone laughing]

Kat: Unbeknownst to you– [everyone laughing] –but it is teenage girl power

Noel: Oh, I know. 

Kat: You just– launchpad Corbin up!

Kaitlin: Sweet!

Kat: And Corbin, you fly–!

Kaitlin: I’m like a–

Kat: –like a crow. You fly towards the top! And now I’m gonna have you make another DEX save, to stick that landing. 

Kaitlin: [smugly] Oh, with a plus ten, how can I not? Watch me roll like a, one. [Dice rolling] No I got– I got ten, that’s a twenty.

Kat: Okay, yeah, you stick the landing! Um, and you get it. You get on the top of this Stone Golem. 

Fran: Get the key! 

Kaitlin: I grab the key. 

Kat: You vanish! 

Kaitlin: Wooo!

Noel: ….[pained] Oh what?

Kaitlin [pained, laughing]: Bye!

Fran : [desperate] Corbin! 

Kat: Corbin, you’re just gone. 

Laika: Corbin…

Kat: I’ll get to what happened to you when they find you.

Kaitlin: Wha! Wha?! Uummm...

Noel: Wha?!

Laika: … So we got the key, though!.. So that part’s done. 

Fran: Uh, which one of us has the key, Laika?

Laika: We- we both have keys? Right? Like, that’s the third key? Is that-? That’s what going on?

Kat: Yeah! Corbin has the key and Corbin’s gone!

Kaitlin, in her Corbin voice: ‘I’m gone!’

[Everyone laughing]

Kat: So what do you guys wanna do?

Laika: Um, uh, let’s try the other door! He's gone; he had to go to the bathroom, so.

[Kat laughing]

Kaitlin: He did.

Kat: People just disappear in your world when they have to go to the bathroom?

Sophia: I mean, that’s kind of what wolves do… Actually we’re always going to the bathroom, nobody cares, so.

Kat: Do you even know what bathrooms are? 

Sophia: It’s, not a concept I’ve been introduced to yet.

[Laughter]

Sophia: But I can’t wait to learn about human culture.

Noel: She clearly thought it was some kind of teleportation device. 

[Everyone laughing]

Sophia: Isn’t it? 

Kat: Okay, so you guys wanna go, go explore some more dungeon? 

Noel: Alright, we just leave. 

Kat: Okay. You just go? You wanna go back to the room you came from? 

Sophia: We, we wave goodbye to the golem though.

Fran: Bye, Corbin!

Laika: Bye, Corbin.

Corbin: Goodbye!

Kaitlin: I… just say that, wherever I am.

Kat: Wherever you are?

Kaitlin: Yeah, wherever I am. 

Kat: In the dark?

Kaitlin: Yep.

Kat: Tiny room that you’re in. 

Noel: Hmm??

Kaitlin: Yeah. I... guess.

[Laughter]

Sophia: Is Corbin dead?

[Noel laughing]

Kat: Yep, Corbin’s dead. I killed Kaitlin the first thing. Okay-

Kaitlin: Guys I knew this was going to happen, why do you keep asking me to play DnD with you just to kill me in the first round!

Noel:[meany] ‘Cause it’s fun every time!

[Sophia snickering]

Kat: Okay, uh. So you guys go back and you go try the other door?

Noel: Yeah.

Kat: Okay. So you go down that hallway, ah, it takes a sharp left and then there’s another, uh, split. You can either go straight ahead where you see there is an open door, or there is another hallway that goes to... your... left.

Noel: Um yeah, let’s go straight ahead.

Sophia: Let’s do it. 

Kat: Okay. So, uh, you look into the open door ahead of you, it looks like an arena. It’s six-sided, there are uh, several portcullises. And uh, it has a dirt floor, and a high ceiling which you can not see the top of. Would you like to go in?

Noel: … No. 

[Laughing]

Sophia :[laughing] Hmmm… Paaaass.

Kat : [laughing] Cool. Cool. So you’re gonna go down the other way?

Noel: Yeah let’s, let’s stay away from the gladiator arena for now. 

[Laughter]

Kat: Okay, okay. You go back down the hallway, uh, take the other direction. Take that left. Um, and then, you’re hit by another split, you can take another left, or you can go straight. 

Sophia: … Let’s take left.

Noel: Yep, let’s take a left.

Kat: Okay, so. The room- there is another open door. And you can see that this room is empty, that you can see, except for a large mural on the wall across from you.

Noel: It’s murals again!

Sophia, deeply: Murals.

Kat: You guys want to go into this room?

Noel: Yep, let’s go check out the murals.

 [like suspense but worse from 1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack) starts playing] 

Kat: Okay, so!Corbin, you awaken and find yourself in... a room that is... about as wide as your wingspan, either way. 

Kaitlin, excited: I have- I have wings?

Kat:  No… 

[Sophia and Noel laughing]

Kat: Your figurative wingspan

.

Kaitlin: C-cool.

Kat: So, um, it is--

Kaitlin :[laughing] God, I was so excited. 

Kat: So you can touch all four walls when standing in the center, you know, as you turn. 

Kat: Um, you cannot see the ceiling. Can’t see the floor, it’s completely dark. And you… both walk into the room with the mural, and immediately, the doors lock behind you. You see on the floor… there is a... square glass panel. And you can look down and see Corbin at the bottom of a long shaft. 

[Kaitlin laughing]

Noel: Oh my god.

Corbin: Hey...

Laika, laughing: That’s a weird kink, Corbin. What’s going on?

Kat: You can’t hear them. Or see them.

Kaitlin: Damn it. 

Kat: Um, but--

Fran: Corbiiiiiiiiin!

[Kaitlin laughing]

Kat: You feel your feet, uh... get very cold, very damp, as water begins to rush into the chamber.

Kaitlin: Heeell no!

Noel: Does Corbin know how to swim?

Kaitlin: No, I don’t, ‘cause I’m a bird! And not the duck kind! 

Noel: Guess who’s a water genasi y’all, just a second. 

Kat: But you- yes, you can see down, but you cannot- he can’t hear you.

Kaitlin: Yep, hold up. 

Kat: Time- it will take… about five minutes! For the room to fill and the timer has started.

Kaitlin: Wha-! Oh! Ah!

Noel: Alright, so, I can, as a water genasi, I’m gonna make an ice cube for Corbin to float on.

Kat: Okay.

Kaitlin: I begin to cry before I know that that’s going to happen.

Kat: Okay.

Noel: I make an ice cube-

Kat: Cool, you make an ice cube.

Noel: - that’s big enough for Corbin to float on.

Kaitlin: I, am not crying anymore, but I am confused. 

[Everyone laughing]

Sophia: Can we shatter the glass?

Kat: You can give it a try.

Sophia: I’m going to stab the glass!

Kat: Okay!

[pause]

Sophia:[realization] …We’re standing on the glass. 

[Everyone laughing, Kat cackling]

Noel: Can we move off the glass to be able to shatter?

Kat: Yeah, it’s only like, five-by-five. 

Sophia: Cool.

Noel: Okay, yeah.

Sophia: Alright. 

Noel: Good call, Laika.

Sophia: Um, thanks- so that’s a six plus… six, so twelve?

Kat: Umm… No, your sword clatters harmlessly off the glass.

Noel: Hmm, let’s look around. What’s around us! Other than this? 

Kat: There’s nothing – there is a mural on the wall.

Noel: Okay, what is the mural of?

Kat: The mural, uh, is uh, okay- in front of you is a mural of the Goddess holding a disc-shaped mirror. She’s in the middle of flipping this mirror and it shows... on one- on the top of the mirror, you see a crow stepping on, and on the bottom you see a crow stepping off. 

Sophia: ……….. I want to try and punch the glass!

[Everyone laughing]

Noel: Oh man!

Sophia: Um, that’s an… eighteen.

Kat: Hmm, eighteen. You hurt your fist.

Laika: Okay…

Fran: Laika, I don’t think that’s working! So… there’s a mirror… and there’s a crow stepping on, and a crow stepping off… 

Kat: You have three minutes. 

Fran: And… Corbin’s on the other side of this glass..!

Kaitlin: Can I- can I see the glass yet, or am I still really far down?

Kat: No, you can see the glass, and you see that there is a mirrored surface on the bottom.

Kaitlin: Oh. So I freak out and I like, try to attack the other crow.

[Laughter]

Noel : [laughing] You don’t look like a crow!

Kaitlin: Whatever! I don’t know that!

Kat: You can’t reach it, it’s far above you, so.

Kaitlin: Well, I get angry at it. 

[Sophia laughs]

Kaitlin: I don’t like that it’s there.

Sophia: … Can we flip the glass?

Kat: You can try.

Noel: Let’s try.

Sophia: Alright, let’s try, flip it.

Noel: Push on it!

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: Welp, whup, that’s a two. 

Noel: I got a seven.

Kat: Nope!

Noel: We got confused.

Sophia: We pushed each other.

Kat: Laika, you push on one end, and Fran, you push on the other, which evens itself out and nothing happens.

Kaitlin: Can I just say-

Noel: Alright, let’s try again, now both on the same side.

Kaitlin: Okay.

Kat: Nope, nothing happens.

Noel: Okay, uh…

Kat: You have one minute and thirty seconds before the… ah, before the-

[like suspense but worse from 1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack) starts playing]

Kaitlin: I start to get real mad at that other crow! 

Noel: Once again, Kaitlin, your reflection isn’t a crow!

Kaitlin: Corbin! Doesn’t! Know that! He thinks he’s one of them!

Noel: Is he blind?

Kaitlin: No, he doesn’t– he just doesn’t understand, okay? He doesn’t want to understand, he’s not ready for that yet.

Kat: So Corbin, you have uh- and it’s now at one minute, you can now reach up and touch the glass. 

Noel: I touch where Corbin's touching.

Kaitlin: Oh! I– I try to attack it!

Noel: No! I touch where Corbin’s attacking!

Kaitlin: I use, uh, a spear. I try to hit it with a spear. [Dice roll] And I rolled, um, like, over twenty. 

Kat: Uh, it does not break.

Kaitlin : [whispering]I’m gettin’ real angry. 

[Sophia laughing]

Sophia: Uh, we got thirty seconds.

Noel: I- I knock on the glass!

Kat: Corbin, you can hear it! You can hear it.

Kaitlin: Oh, I- I get real scared.

Kat: You can also- you’re also starting to be able to hear voices.

Kaitlin: Okay, ah…

Fran: Corbin! It's us! It's us! 

Corbin: Hello! Hello!

Noel: I touch–

Corbin: I hate this other crow, please!

Sophia: I’m gonna go and tear at the mural. 

[Laughter]

Kat: It’s– you– it’s a painted mural on the, on the ceiling. On the wall.

Sophia: Any, any secrets in there?

Kat: No, there is a picture of the crow stepping onto the glass–

Noel: Okay, I step on the glass.

Kat: That doesn’t do anything, and Corbin, you take– you’ve reached the ceiling now, and you take [dice roll] two points of damage from drowning. 

Corbin: [desperate pained gasp]

Sophia: I- I step on the glass too!

Kat: Um, nope, nothing happens.

Noel: We did that before.

Sophia: Should we try…

Corbin: Help me! [Drowning noises]

Kat: You’re currently drowning, continuing to drown.

Corbin: Help!

Sophia: Let’s try and flip it. One more time. 

Noel: Alright! This time with feeling.

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Ooooo…

Noel: I got sixteen.

Sophia: That’s a one.

[Noel laughing]

Kat: You fail to flip it. Again.

Sophia: I’m going to step back. 

Kat: Alright. 

Corbin: [Drowning noises] Help me!!!

Kat: And… you have another seven seconds before you take another one. 

Corbin: NO [LOUD DROWNING NOISES]

Noel: I try to flip it, [dice roll] I got a three–[everyone laughing] –I try to flip it, [dice roll] I got a nineteen. [Laughs]

Kat: No, it does not seem that it’s gonna flip and Corbin, you take another… [dice roll] one damage! 

Kaitlin: Hmm… Can I cast spells while I’m drowning?

Kat: You can do– you can do all sorts of things. 

Kaitlin: Oh shit– I can do stuff? 

Kat: Yeah. You can–

Kaitlin: You guys! Talk to me. 

Kat: Maybe describe the mural to Corbin? ‘Cause now he can hear you.

Laika: Corbin. There’s a really weird mural- there’s a lady holding a mirror, there’s a bird on one side-

Corbin: [Cartoonish drowning noises].

Laika: Uh, yep. That’s right.

Corbin: [Cartoonish drowning noises]!

Fran: Okay, you go on- you go on the right side of the mirror, and 

we’re going on the left side of the mirror and stand on it.

Corbin: [Drowning noises]

Fran: Push up!

Kaitlin: Alright, I do that. 

Noel: We try to do that. 

[Dice rolls]

Kaitlin: Eighteen.

Kat: Um no, that doesn’t seem to do it… and…

Kaitlin: No…

Kat: You take another four damage!

Kaitlin: Ah!

Noel: Try again! 

Kaitlin: I… rolled a sixteen upon my second push. 

Kat: Ah, this, you do feel… like it’s moving, but it feels more like it’s starting to crack now.

Corbin: [Cartoonish drowning noises]

Sophia, laughing: Alright! I’m gonna punch it! 

Kaitlin: Should I like– should I– I’m just gonna push again. 

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: [Dice roll] That’s a seven, I’mma punch it again.

Kaitlin: I rolled a sixteen again. 

Sophia, laughing: [dice roll]... That’s a one.

Kat: Okay Corbin, you manage to just shove the glass up through sheer force of… will? And also– [Kaitlin and Sophia laughing] –terror. 

Corbin: You weak fools! 

Kat: You see however, the mural across from you… it just disappears. 

Noel: So we… We pushed it up?

Kat: Hm-hmm.

Noel: [laughing] Us standing on it did nothing?

[Kaitlin giggles]

Kat: And the mural is gone. And there is no key. 

Noel: Okay… so was that just a trap or did we fail the test? 

Kaitlin: I think it was a trap. 

Noel: Alright, well.

Laika: Corbin you look really damp.

[Everyone wheezes]

Kaitlin: I just stare at you, I don’t say anything, I stare and I’m angry.

Noel: I use Shape Water to pull the water off Corbin. 

[Kaitlin laughs]

Corbin: Thank you.

Kaitlin: And I, I also turn to Laika and I say

Corbin: Did you see a bird flying away? One like- that looked just like me!

Fran: Corbin, you’re not a bird, you’re a man! 

Corbin: WHAT?!

[Everyone laughs]

Laika: Listen, I might have-

Corbin: TAKE THAT BACK!

Laika: Corbin I might have seen that bird. 

Corbin: Oh! Where’d he go?

Laika: I don’t know, he looked a lot like you.

Corbin: [gruffly] I’m gonna kill him.

[Everyone laughs]

Noel: [laughing] Let’s go-

Kaitlin: I stare at the floor like I’m really determined, like, like those- like an anime boy who’s like, just been bested by his enemy, but like, is really ready to get him next time.

[Sophia and Noel laugh]

Kat: That’s a very specific look. But I know what you mean.

Kaitlin : [laughing]Thank you. 

Noel : [laughing]Okay… so… Corbin has, has declared war on his own reflection - [Kaitlin laughs]- and, now let’s go! I’m shaken emotionally and I don’t like this place. So let’s… just… go see… what that arena was about. And pray to god.

Sophia: Hold up. Um, I’m gonna roll to fall in love.

[Violin music; ‘happy orchestral’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons soundtrack)’ starts playing]

[Everyone laughs]

Noel: Who are you gonna fall in love with?

Sophia: We’re gonna find out– [Noel laughs]. [Dice roll] –I love you both equally. [Kaitlin laughing] I got eleven for both of you, and I have a really low, like, resistance to that, so I love you guys a lot! 

Noel: Whoa!

Sophia: We’ve bonded.

Kaitlin: Cool.

Kat: This experience has bonded you, to your, your fellas. 

Laika: I’m glad you didn’t drown-

Corbin: Thanks.

Laika: - and I feel like we get each other-

Corbin: Thank you.

Laika: -- uh, Fran.

Fran: I don’t agree… but let’s just go.

[Everyone laughs]

Corbin: I don’t know what love is.

Noel : [laughing]Um, I quickly walk away from Corbin ‘cause he’s scaring me.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Alright, so you guys gonna head back to the uh, the arena? Is that what you said?

Noel: Yeah. 

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: Wait! There was another hallway though, right?

Kat: Yeah.

Sophia: Should we check that out first? 

Kaitlin: Sure

Noel: Okay, let’s check out the place… that we didn’t check out. 

Kat: Okay!

Noel: I think that’ll lead to more forks though.

Kat: Who knows? 

Kaitlin, laughing: Oh god, I got really confused by what you meant by forks for a second. 

Kat: Hold on. Let me double check on that. 

Fran: Corbin, while we thought you were gone, we found this room full of forks!

Corbin: Did you take them? 

Fran: No, we left them.

Corbin: FOOLS!

[Everyone laughs]

Fran: We didn’t want those stupid forks.

Corbin: They’re reflective!

Fran: They certainly are reflective, Corbin, and we thought, ‘Corbin 

would really like those-

Corbin: I WOULD HAVE LOVED THEM!

Fran: We farted in that room and then we left. 

[CORBIN COUGHS AND WEEPS]

Laika:[upset] Corbin I didn’t want to do that. -[Kaitlin laughs]- Fran made me do it. 

Corbin:[sincerely] Laika… you are my only true friend. 

Laika: Thank you likewise, I’ve never had another friend that’s not a wolf.

Noel: I walk away. 

[Sophia and Kaitlin laugh]

Kat: Okay. So you guys wanted to check the other way? And so… going down the other fork now that you’re all reunited and Corbin didn’t drown, there is a large room at the end of this hallway; you can see inside, in this room there is a huge orb, sitting in a pool of water that’s surrounded by flowers. 

Kaitlin: Before anything weird happens, can I- I just remembered, can I cast Cure Wounds on myself? Cause I’m feeling shittyyy.

Kat: Do you have a spell slot?

Kaitlin: Yeah I do actually, I have two spell slots. Of the uh, number one level left. 

Kat: Okay. 

Kaitlin: So, I’m gonna. I have to touch a creature for this so I lay my hands on my own body, 

Kat: That's horrifying.

Kaitlin: Specifically, I just- Please don't look at me like that. I would like to mention that Corbin has a boob window in his leather armor, and I specifically touch my boob window with one hand.

Kat: I really love that there's an oversexualized male character in this DnD campaign.

Kaitlin: So, I do that. And I… oh.

Noel: Fran fights nausea and almost throws up.

Kaitlin: [laughs] Well, I, if I- I'm busy casting this spell, but if I had seen that I would be very, um, offended, by that.

Kat: [laughs] Um, so, as I was saying. There is a- in this room there is a huge orb sitting in a pool of water surrounded by flowers. Um. Also, in front of the orb there is this beautiful, delicate uh, glass pedestal that just sort of seems to be rising from the water as if it's part of it. And on that pedestal there is a silver key.

[Guardians Theme (Festival of Lights) plays to signal interlude]

Noel: Hey, I hope you're enjoying the episode. It's me Noel! I usually play Fran but right now I'm down in Georgia playing sweet synths to fight the Synth Devil. You ain't gonna steal my soul Daft Punk. 

  First of all, I just wanted to extend our warmest and most hysterically genuine thank yous to everyone who has listened and everyone who has liked or reblogged our stuff on Tumblr. We are all so touched and excited. We read every single comment, and send messages to each other in our group chat, and cry silently in the bath, and carve them into stone monuments-- and etcetera. That goes for you EagleOverlord, CaptainLaserbeam, SubterraneanTear, and SaraKodiak, just to name a few. Shoutout to our girls, Libby, Abby, and Hannah. You guys are our sun and stars, the moons of our lives. Stay sweet and spicy you guys.

  To Tumblr users Swordtosong and Amoralescapeartist especially, I want to extend thanks to all your reblogs and tags,  you guys are the best! Both of you. You have that in common, maybe you should meet each other and like get married. Destiny can strike anywhere, Swordtosong and Amoralescapeartist. Anyway, thanks a million for all the love for the podcast and it's art.

  And speaking of our podcast art, we have a lot of art up at our official website already. We've got some brand art and an incredible banner that Sophia illustrated and we've also got official character art of Fran and Laika by Kaitlin. You can reach that by going to damesanddragons.com/art and be as amazed as I am-- which actually is impossible because I am more amazed than anyone is, has been, or ever shall be. And my amazement is legion and could fight your amazement with a knife and a gun fight and destroy it.

  Anyway there's also more to come if you can believe that. Something else that I am going to be doing over the next few episodes during the interlude, is to introduce some of the ways that you can interact with us. Today that means iTunes where the main way is by rating and reviewing. This helps us so much by increasing the likelihood of exposure on iTunes and thusly a huge expansion of our listener base. We'll also be reading our favorite reviews in our future interludes, as well as SOMETHING ELSE. Something amazing. Something not coming until we release the episodes we're recording now, meaning it's something that's in episode, meaning…. You'll just have to wait and find out I guess :/ 

  As always you can find us on Twitter, Facebook, and Patreon, and our website is damesanddragons.com . 

  Last of all I wanted to clarify our posting schedule, we're going to be posting every Monday for the next several weeks and then we'll settle into posting every other Monday thereafter. Subscribers should be able to see that content by noon or twelve thirty, but the RSS feed may take more time to update like even one or two days for people who aren't subscribed. So make sure to hit that subscribe button on iTunes or the podcast apps, and follow our Tumblr and or Soundcloud. Thanks so much for listening and now for our message to Chantel.

Noel: So like Chantel, do you remember like, that time that it was your birthday and everyone kept calling you Noel? And then you screamed "My name's not Noel!It's Noel!!!" ? 

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: We all do. We all remember that.

Kat: Oh yeah I remember that probably

Noel: We love you Chantel

ALL: Chantel

Noel: The codeword is-- rapscallion.

Kaitlin: I love you Chantel

Kat: I love you too

[Interlude music fades in]

Noel: The sleeper agent is activated. Go.

[Interlude music]

Fran: Hmm. So, I don't like our luck with orbs so far. [Laughs]

Laika: I feel like we should give this one a chance.

Fran: Well... Corbin what do you think?

Corbin: [clears throat] I think I’m going to perceive some things in the room.

Kat: [laughs] You wanna roll a Perception check?

Corbin: Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

Noel: I'm also gonna do that.

Sophia: Same.

Kaitlin: I goooot... I got fourteen.

Noel: I critically failed.

Sophia: I did too.

[Laughter]

Noel: Uh, Sophie and I just shook hands. Because we're so bad at Perception.

Kat: So, Fran and Laika, you guys turn to like, sorta look into the room and 

instead smack directly into each other. Headbutt.

Sophia: I just want to say, in real life Noel and I do have ADD and this is probably true to what would happen.

Kat: Okay. Corbin, you look into the room. You... can tell that there's an aura of calm in this room. 

[Serene music begins to play]

Kaitlin: Cool.

Kat: It feels real serene, real chill.

Kaitlin: I get real tired.

Kat: Real sleepy?

Kaitlin: I get real sleepy. You know, like, when birds are going to sleep and they do that thing where their eyes, like, blink real slow.

Kat: Like, all animals do that.

[Sophia and Noel laugh]

Kaitlin: No, okay, but specifically birds. Like, if you've never watched a bird fall asleep-

Kat: No! No.

Kaitlin: -like, it's different.

Kat: Why would I have ever watched a bird fall asleep in my life?

Kaitlin: Because you love birds and you wanna watch them fall asleep.

Sophia: Kaitlin, do you watch birds... fall...?

Kaitlin: I used to have a bird, and I did use to watch, uh, that bird fall asleep, yes.

Noel: Kaitlin, I love you, but I don't watch you fall asleep-

[Everyone laughs]

Kaitlin: Okay, well, there happens to be a specific way that birds blink-

Noel: -Very often!

Kaitlin: Oh!

[Scattered laughter]

Kat: Are you just going to go in the room now?

Kaitlin: Yeah, go in the room.

Kat: Okay.

Kaitlin: And I'm tired.

Noel: I’m confused and I sat down. 'Cuz I got hit in the head.

Sophia: I'm staring at the wall. I'm just thinking about life and what it means.

Kat: Okay, well, Corbin walked into the room. What do you do?

Kaitlin: I went into the room. You said there was a giant orb in the middle?

Kat: There's a huge orb in the middle of a pool, glass pedestal, silver key sitting on the pedestal.

Kaitlin: I'm not into pools right now after my experience in the dank well. Uh, so I turn around and I call to my comrades and then say

Corbin: Water-man-girl, please– [Noel and Sophia laugh] –would you… would you take a dip in this pool for me?

Noel: Fran stands silently for a good thirty seconds.

Kaitlin: I clear my throat, and then I say,

Corbin: Fra’nika, please.

Fran: Corbin, uh, dude-lady. I'm coming in because that water looks dope as hell.

Corbin: Thank you.

Noel: And I go in, and I pull Laika with me.

Sophia: Thanks.

Kat: Okay. So do you walk into the water or do you just walk into the room?

Noel: Uh… I walk into the room.

Kat: M’kay.

Noel: And I... am going to do my Shape Water cantrip on the water and change its flow to see what it's deal is.

Kat: Okay. Cool. You change its flow. It goes from sorta swirling clockwise to counterclockwise.

Noel: What's its rap style like? What's its flow? Does it have a sick flow?

Kat: It has a sick flow.

Noel: Oh wow.

Kat: Wait, hold on. Hold on.

Kaitlin: Does it use alliteration?

[Dice rolling.]

Kat: Uh, it has some real good lines of alliteration.

Kaitlin: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Noel: Thanks for rolling for that, Kat. [Laughs].

Kat: Need to roll to see how sick these rhymes are, how sick these beats.

Noel: Okay, alright, so the water seems normal?

Kat: Seems pretty good, seems like some good water.

Noel: Alright. I'm gonna catch it with my finger.

Kat: Cool! You are fully healed, and all of your spell slots are-

Kaitlin: Aw, what the fuck!?

Noel: This water is THE BEST.

Sophia: I drink it.

Kat: Yeah, same thing. Fully healed and all your spell slots are recovered. 

Kaitlin: I’m already healed, but I do need to recover some of my spell slots, so I go in there and do that bird thing birds do in a bird bath.

Sophia: I do the same thing because I think it's a human custom, and I wanna be respectful.

Noel: I stare in silence for a full thirty seconds.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: So you guys are all healed. Nice and cleaned up.

Noel: I feel great.

Kat: Good

[Phone sound]

Kaitlin:  Um…

Kat: Did someone not silence their phone?

Kaitlin: What is happening?

Noel: I literally did, but Siri opened music.

[Sophia laughing]

Kaitlin: Siri!

Sophia, laughing: That's really creepy!

Kaitlin: I love that!

Noel: It says, “Playlist The Air Was Never Seen now playing.” And I'm so 

distraught right now. 

[Everyone laughs]

Noel: I can't begin to tell you.

Sophia: That’s so crazy.

Kat: Siri knows.

Kaitlin: Please don't take this out of the podcast, we need to leave this in.

Noel: I can't say what's gonna happen, because I think my phone is gonna kill me. - [Kaitlin laughs]- I'm living in deep fear from this moment forward. [Laughs] Okay, so let's move on in this fantasy world where cell phones don't exist and I'm safe.

[Laughter]

Kat, quietly: Are you?

Noel, laughing: Urgh!

Kat: Okay, do you guys, like, splash around the water for a while, what are you doing?

Kaitlin: Yeah, I'm splashin’.

Noel: I'm having a great time, and I've restyled my hair into, um, the shape of… a dodecahedron.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Whoa.

Noel: Like a giant, 'fro, kind of, but it's very-

Kaitlin: I watch you, mesmerized, and it's a little bit like, impolite.

Fran: That's impolite.

Corbin: Oh dear.

Kaitlin: And I turn around and I put my face in the water like a duck.

Kat, laughing: You just nearly drowned.

Kaitlin: Yeah, I did, but like, I'm healing with this water. It feels good, on my feathers, which I have.

Sophia: I'm going to splash Fran and I'm going to roll to bond.

Noel: I'm going to roll to resist that bond.

[Kaitlin laughs]

Kat: Alright, straight up bonding... contest.

[Dice rolling] 

Sophia: That's a natural twenty!

Kaitlin: Oh shit!

Noel: I did roll a seventeen, but I feel... a flicker of affection for Laika because she gets me and how much I like water.

Sophia: It just makes my life. I am complete.

Noel: I smile, but it's very small.

Kat: [In a dramatic voice] Just the briefest flicker of a smile ran across Fran’s face.

Noel: It ran away as well, forgotten.

[Sophia and Kaitlin laugh]

Kat: Okay, well. So uh, water fun aside. There is a key sitting on a glass pedestal, and a door leading- a door that you went through and another door leading out of this room.

Sophia: Who has a key right now?

Noel: We all three have keys, and there is one more key on the pedestal with the orb, and I hate pedestals and orbs because I did play Final Fantasy Ten.

Kaitlin: My question is, where is Alicia Keys?

Noel: Ugh.

[Pause, then everyone laughs]

Noel: You-. Never mind. -[Everyone laughs]- I was going to. I was gonna make a joke about a leash of keys, and I was going to be like, “you would love leashes” because of a dog thing? But none of it made any sense.

[EVERYONE LAUGHS, LOUDLY AND OVERDRAMATICALLY]

Kat: Noel, I was also going to try and make that joke.

[Noel laughs]

Kaitlin: What the fuck?

Kat: I also went to the point where I went like, “there's no way to make that make sense.” -[Noel laughs]- “Not a good joke.” But I didn't say it, and there's the difference between us.

Noel: I said I was going to.

Kat: Okay, what are you guys gonna do? Are you just gonna sit and splash in the water all day?

Kaitlin: I really do like this water. I was really upset by water before, but now I feel like I've brokered a peace.

Noel: Um, I'm gonna take the key.

Kat: Okay. The door- the doors that you came through and the door that's across the room both lock.

Noel: What happens if you put it back?

Kaitlin: I put it back.

Kat: Nothing.

Kaitlin: I take it up, and then I put it back again.

Kat: Nope, nope, that still doesn't work.

Noel: I'm going to go and touch that orb.

Kat: The orb feels slightly warm to the touch.

Fran: So, feels great you guys. Hey, remember when you guys said to ‘come feel this’? Come feel this! Come feel this, you guys!

Kaitlin: I have to be persuaded.

Sophia: I feel it.

Kaitlin: Roll to persuade me and I'm gonna counter it.

Noel:I got a ten.

Kaitlin: I got a thirteen, suck a dick. 

[Noel laughs]

Sophia: I'm gonna persuade you. And I feel like I have advantage 'cuz we 

bonded earlier.

Kaitlin: Alright, you do have a little bit of advantage. Ooh, mine did bad.

Sophia: That's a seven. 

Kaitlin:  [laughing] And I rolled a natural twenty, so I cannot be persuaded.

Noel: Alright, let’s give up on Corbin, it doesn’t matter.  When we touch the orb, nothing happens?

Kat: Nope. 

Noel:  When we put the key on the orb, what happens?

Kat: There’s a key on the orb. 

Kaitlin: I put the orb in the water.

Kat: The orb’s in the water. It's enormous.

Kaitlin: Is it like floating?

Kat: It seems to be sunken in. It's not a very deep pool of water.

Noel: Put the key in the  water.

Sophia: I put the key in the water.

Kat: The key is underwater.

Noel: I look around the room.

Kaitlin : [laughing]I hate this.

Kat: Perception checks!?

Sophia: Yeah, Perception.

Kat: Play some DnD?

Kaitlin: I want to look deeply into the orb and perceive something. So, I'm doing that. [Dice rolling] And I got, uh, over twenty. I got twenty-one.

Kat: Okay. Looking deeply into this orb and perceiving this orb–

Kaitlin: I perceive it. 

Kat: You, being a bird, have some knowledge–

Kaitlin: I am a bird.

Kat:  -of, of orb type things such as eggs. And you can tell this orb is not solid.

Kaitlin: [Gasp] Like is it - like, hollow?

Kat: Yes. Hollow.

Kaitlin: Oh.

Noel: Let's break the orb!

Sophia: Break the orb.

Kaitlin: Let's break it.

Kat: Alright, try and break the orb, I guess.

Kaitlin: I feel like such an idiot, breaking this orb. 

Sophia: [Dice rolling] That's a twelve. 

Kat: Okay. Doesn't break.

Kaitlin: I throw a spear at it. I don't, like, throw it. I like… I take a spear and 

[laughing] I touch it harshly against the-

Noel: I'm gonna kill you.

Kaitlin: -against the orb.

Kat: It's called stabbing, Kaitlin! It's called stabbing!

Kaitlin: It's like a harsh touch.

[Laughter]

Kat: Just roll your goddamn die.

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: Uh, I got a sixteen.

Kat: Your spear clatters uselessly off of the orb’s surface.

Kaitlin: [Sigh]. I sigh.

Noel: Is it still in the water?

Kat: Yeah. It's sunken in, like, about a foot.

Noel: And there's a pedestal and that's where we got the orb from?

Kat: That's where you got the key from. This orb is enormous. It is larger than any of you.

Noel: Oh.

Kaitlin: Oh whoa!

Kat: I kept saying enormous. That's what I meant.

Noel: I was imagining like, larger than a basketball.

[Everyone laughs]

Sophia: Watermelon size.

Noel: Like a beach ball.

Kat: It is probably ten feet in diameter.

Sophia: Okay, um. Can we lift it onto the pedestal?

Kat: You can give it a try!

Noel: What do you mean, roll it?

Kat: Yep.

Kaitlin: It’s like a beach– We should be able to push it through the water, 

like a beach ball.

Kat: Okay. So, you guys roll it. It does roll. Um. It's a little bit harder to roll than one would think because it is still made of stone.

Noel: Fair.

Kat: But...I'm gonna have y’all make Perception checks again. We are all about perceiving today.

[Die rolling]

Kat: Laika, you don’t see shit, you rolled a one.

Sophia: Yep.

Noel: I got a twenty, but not natural.

Kaitlin: I got an eight.

Kat: Okay. Corbin and Laika, you are so busy rolling this ball and you are having… a ball.

Kaitlin: We're LOVING IT!

[Laughter.]

Sophia: [Strained] Yes.

Kat: Yes, you're loving it. However, Fran, with your keen, teenage apathy, um, and inability to have fun, you do notice that there is a key hole on top of the sphere, that you can now see, since you rolled it.

Noel: Ooohh.

Fran: Hey, stupid idiots!

Corbin: Whaaaat? Excuuse me.

Fran: Hehe. Guess what, you guys? I've just seen a heel. That's right. Lookit, it's right here.

Noel: I point to it with my flashing shirt.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat, laughing: It's still flashing? Are you just, you just-

Noel: I re- I recast it every time it goes out. It’s a cantrip.

Kat: Okay, do you want to try putting the key in the keyhole?

Kaitlin: Mhm.

Kat: Cool. Um, so you put the key in and turn it, and then the sphere unfolds like a beautiful flower, like a lotus.

Kaitlin: Aww, that's so peaceful.

Kat: And in the center there is another silver key, and the doors unlock. 

[idk idk lmao (Ending Theme) begins fading in]

[Everyone giggling]

Noel: There will be real music playing.

Sophia: Can I just add a sound effect though? Doo-doo doo-doo 

Noel: I'll definitely add that in.

Kaitlin: Okay. Can I take a spin on that? 

Noel: Yeah.

Kaitlin: [High pitched] Dee-dee dee deeee!

Noel:[ laughing] Can you do both at the same time?

Yeah, I'll play those right over each other.

Kaitlin: Yeah, overlay ‘em.

Kat: [Gruff throat clearing sound]

[Laughter]

Kat : [sagely]You’ve learned well.  

Sophia: Add that. Add that in over it.

Noel: You don't have to tell me twice.

[They make all the three noises together, and it’s terrible]

[idk idk lmao (Ending Theme) plays]