Dames & Dragons 19. Into Avelis (Part 10)

Hypothetically speaking, if the Guardians were to survive the waterfall, then this episode would include an arrival at the Temple of Iol, a primer on Tiefling history, an encounter with Dashing Dawson, and a funeral.

✂️ Ep. 19 Outtakes & Extras ✂️ 

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Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 19 – Into Avelis (Part 10)

Noel: So I found out something horrific that you guys may or may not know. It is a personal trial to me and it is this: that the high-five was invented in the 1970’s.

Kat: What!?

Kaitlin: What. 

Sophia: That's not proven. Bullshit. Nobody knows when the high-five was invented. 

Noel: Well here's what I’ll say about it. I said this to my parents, cause I was like ‘This is not a truth.’ and my parents were like, ‘Oh yeah, the high-five. You mean that thing that was invented in the 1970’s?’ And I was like, ‘I’m gonna murder both of you.’ This can’t be true.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) beings playing] 

Kaitlin: No that's fake. 

Sophia: I think it’s beyond time and space. We’ve always been [High-five slap sound] high-fiving. 

Kaitlin: I’m gonna ask my mum to corroborate that because I feel like it’s possible that your parents just grew up in an anti-high-five culture. 

Sophia: Yeah. 

Kaitlin: Maybe they just didn’t know. 

Sophia: I also love that maybe you high-fived your parents and they said, ‘Oh, yes! The high-five. I’m familiar. From the 1970’s.’

Noel: Can we go back to the part where Kaitlin told me that my parents grew up in an anti-high-five culture?

Kaitlin: I just think it's possible. 

Noel: I think it’s possible that I’m about to grow up into an anti-Kaitlin culture. 

Kat: I think it’s possible that we should play some dnd. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) plays and then fades out] 

Kat: Hi! I’m Kat, I’m your DM. 

Sophia: Hi, I’m Sophia. I play Laika. 1970’s high-five.

Noel: Hi, I’m Noel. I play Fran. I’m a genasi wizard and I’m at level six. 

Kaitlin: Hi, I’m Kailtin. I play Corbin and I’d like to give a shout out to Noel for saying what level she is because I forgot. I’m level six. 

Noel: Hey this is Noel. I’d like to give a shoutout to Kaitlin for giving me a shout out. 

Sophia: Hey this is Sophia—

Kaitlin: Shout out to Noel again. 

Sophia: I just wanna jump in on these shout outs. Giving a shout out to you guys for being here. Thanks for coming. 

Kat: I want to give a shout out to getting this game started. Last time you chased Falen the Betrayer, child of Torva, out of the Tower of Wivvil. After he burned the Tower’s Estra section to a crisp. You then started on your way to the Temple of Iol, which is on your way to Torva’s Jaw. And on the path up there you met Salm and Palo who are escorting Salm’s brother’s body to the temple for burial. On the way up the mountain you came to a waterfall that had destroyed the bridge. Corbin cast a spell on the whole group so you could walk on water. However it was rougher than expected and the men, their donkey, Laika and Gingie all fell into the water, which pours over a sheer drop down the mountain. And that is where you are now, what are you gonna do?

Noel: Okay. Umm…

Kat: The water is moving rapidly. You have approximately three rounds until you are swept down the second waterfall. 

Noel: Okay, I’m not gonna go all the way across then right away. Who is nearest to me?

Kat: Gingie. 

Noel: Other than Gingie. Can I get Salm, then?

Kat: Sure, yeah. He’s not—

Noel: Cause he’d be in front of me as I’m going towards him, right?

Kat: Yeah. 

Noel: Can I reach out and touch him?

Kat: Yes. 

Noel: I’m gonna use, as I run towards him and touch him in the water, I’m gonna use Gaseous Form and I’m gonna turn him into a human fart. 

[Laughter]

Noel: He’s probably scared but—

Kat: Yeah! Oh yeah! He is freaked out.

Noel: Anyways, I basically turn him into a cloud. A misty creature and he can fly wherever he wants. I just tell him to go to the other side of the shore. And then I think I can end it whenever I want. 

Kat: It takes him a minute to figure out exactly how to use his ghost-body. But he is able to, yes. He is able to get across to the other ledge. 

Noel: I’m actually gonna follow him over there then. And I say:

Fran: Everything's fine! 

Noel: And I’m turning all around because I’m not sure if I’m speaking to him or not. 

Fran: Remain a cloud because we can maybe use you to be a spy. You’re fine!

Sophia: Can you smell him?

Kat: You do. You smell a very weird meaty smell. The smell of a human in cloud form. Which is weird and meaty. 

Kaitlin: I hate this beyond reason or words of explanation of any kind. 

[Noel laughing in background]

Kat: And that leaves—in the water there is Gingie, the donkey, Palo and Laika. 

Sophia: I’m gonna misty step out of the water. So I’m back on top of the water and I’m gonna pull Gingie out of the water. 

Kat: Okay, make a strength check.

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: Thirteen. 

Kat: Okay, that’ll do it. You are able to pull Gingie up out of the water and she’s able to get her footing back again. 

Sophia: Who’s still in the water?

Kat: Still in the water then in the donkey and Palo. 

Sophia: I’m gonna use Misty Step again, over to Palo, and pull him up. Unless—is he close enough that I can walk?

Kat: Make a dexterity save. See if you can.

Sophia: Fuck, I’m gonna do bad. 

Kaitlin: Wait, no. Stop, stop, stop. I wanna cast—I wanna use a cantrip. 

Sophia: I’ll let you go then. 

Kaitlin: On you. On you, so you can do that.

Sophia: Oh, really? Oh! Okay, sure. 

Kaitlin: That check. So you can get him out. It’s called Guidance. Basically you get to add 1d4 dice to a check of your choice. You can do it before or after the check. 

Sophia: Thank you. 

Kaitlin: You’re welcome. 

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: That’s actually good. Thirteen plus four. 

Kat: That’ll do it. You are able to run across the surface of the water, just barely skipping over the choppy current, and grab Palo’s arm before he is washed over the edge. And that just leaves the donkey. 

Sophia: Imma let somebody else save the donkey. 

Noel: How close am I to the donkey?

Kat: You’re pretty far from the donkey at this point. 

Kaitlin: I do have—

Noeol: I think I can’t turn the donkey into a fart. 

Kaitlin: I do have a spell I might be able to use. It might hurt the donkey a little bit. Can I use a spell that’s an attack spell to non-fatally…

Kat: Yes. 

Kaitlin: Okay—

Kat: You can always do non-lethal. 

Kaitlin: I want to do that, non-lethal. The spell is a cantrip called Thorn Whip. It’s basically an attack that—I make a Thorn Whip and if it hits the creature then it pulls the creature ten feet closer to me. 

Kat: Alright. I guess roll to hit. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: Nineteen. 

Kat: Okay. that hits. You are able to wrap your thorny whip around the donkey and now you’ll need to make a strength save to pull it in. 

Kaitlin: Oh, a strength save?

Kat: Yes.

Kaitlin: Eighteen. 

Kat: Great. You are able to pull in the donkey from the other shore and get it up onto the shore. It is very scared and bleeding now. How much damage do you do?

[Dice rolling]

[Laughter]

Kat: You do max damage!? This poor donkey!

Kaitlin: That six points.

Sophia: Non-lethal through.

Kaitlin: I actually have level five so I do have to roll twice. I’m level six. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: Okay that's nine points of damage. 

Kat: As soon as everybody gets up onto the other shore. First thing: Palo is looking around.

Palo: Salm!?

Fran: He’s fine!

Palo: Where is he?

Fran: He’s… a cloud!

Palo: What!?

Corbin: He’s a fart-cloud!

Fran: Do you smell that?

Palo: Yes! What is that? Salm, where are you? Salm!

Noel: I don’t know if he can talk. 

Kat: I don’t think he can, no. He’s a cloud.

Noel: I don’t think so. I don’t think so. 

Sophia: Can you turn him back?

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Noel: I don’t want to turn him back because we might be able to use this. 

Kaitlin: He’s freaking out!

Sophia: You should turn him back. 

Noel: No, no, no. It’s fine, it’s fine.

Fran: I can’t turn him back. 

Palo: You can’t turn him back!?

Corbin: Fran this not a hostage situation.

Fran: It wears off after a couple hours and he’ll be back to normal, good as new. 

Palo: What did you do to him!?

Fran: Um… I’m… a god. 

[Laughter]

Palo: God!? What god are you?

Fran: I’m…

Corbin: God of farts. 

Laika: We’re not gods. 

Corbin: Yeah we are. 

Laika: No we’re not. We’re just people and we did what we had to do to get across the river. Trust me when I say your husband is fine. 

Sophia: And I’m gonna roll to soothe him. 

Kat: Okay yeah, roll persuasion. 

Sophia: I put a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

Noel: They let gods do anything, Sophie. You messed up my plan. 

Sophia: I don’t wanna tell—I hate gods! I’m not letting—you guys say we’re gods. I’m serious. Because they’ve done so much damage I’m not gonna say I’m a god.  

Kaitlin: Yeah but if—

Sophia: That’s the most paladin I’ve ever been. 

Kaitlin: If a god turned your husband into a fart-cloud versus if a regular human turned your husband into a fart-cloud I’d be way less scared if it was a god. 

Sophia: I’m pissed at the gods! Because the gods have a history here of literally ruining peoples lives.

Kaitlin: Yeah but at least I would know it wasn’t just some rando guy with insane powers. 

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: Alright, well I got really good. I got a twenty-two. 

Kat: Yeah, he calms down a little bit. But he’s shivering. I mean, he’s cold as hell, he just fell into a freezing river. 

Noel: I’ll Shape Water off of him. 

Palo: What…. Who are you people?

Corbin: Normal. 

Laika: We’re Guardians. 

Corbin: Yeah, okay, fine. 

Kat: Meanwhile, the Goddess has—she’s been healing the donkey and the donkey is now fine. And she comes over to Palo and puts a hand on his face and then signs to him:

Maeri: Be calm. We have been blessed by Telliah and we are her champions. 

Noel: That’s true I guess. 

Kat: Yeah. Which is actually technically true because she derives her power from the beast gods who are gods under Telliah. 

Noel: And we derive our power from her. 

Kat: You derive her power from her blessing. Or Kai’s blessing but you know. So he nods quickly and then slows down and says,

Palo: Okay, okay. Salm? Honey, it’s gonna be okay. Wherever you are. 

Laika: Salm, if you’re there, smell really bad in front of your husband so he knows you’re okay. Make yourself really concentrated right by his nose. 

[Laughter]

Noel: He can do that.

Kat: Yeah, after a minute it smells real, real bad.

[Laughter]

Kat: Palo puts a hand up over his mouth and goes:

Palo: God. Yeah, that smells like one of Salm’s farts. 

[Laughter]

Noel: Typical marriage. 

Kaitlin: Oh god. 

Sophia: That’s really cute. 

Kat: So you continue on your way and I am gonna have y’all make some perception checks. 

[Dice rolling]

Noel: I got nine. 

Kaitlin: I got nineteen. 

Sophia: Fifteen. 

Kat: Okay. Corbin you spot them. Above you, circling, there are some large, dark birds. 

Kaitlin: Ooooohhhhhh.

Kat: But they’re very far above you. They just seem to be circling and surveying you as you head up the mountain path. 

Corbin: I’m worried about other birds now. Corbin gets nervous. 

[Noel laughs]

Noel: Oh yeah, because he got attacked.

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Kat: There rest of you trek up the Pilgrim’s Path—it’s hard. It’s very hard. The road gets super muddy and slippery further ahead. Gingie has some trouble keeping her balance with the body tied to her back and everything. But it is easier for her to do this than the donkey, which is having a lot of trouble just getting up on its own. They’re good at rough paths but Palo is leading it pretty heavily through these rocks. And he makes an off comment to the side. 

Palo: It’s a good thing we had to leave the cart behind. 

Kat: And he looks to his side where he hopes that his husband is. 

Noel: Fran is concentrating really hard to make sure that this guy stays a fart. 

Sophia: What—

Kaitlin: Fran!

Sophia: Why, Fran!?

Noel: Because he’s gonna be useful! Maybe. I don’t wanna waste spell slots.

Kaitlin: Oh god. 

Sophia: I think we don’t need him though! To be a fart. 

Noel: It’s fine. 

Kat: It’s a few more hours and it’s getting toward twilight by the time you are able to get to the top of the mountain. 

Noel: Oh, that guy turned back. 

Kat: Oh, okay. 

[Laughter]

Noel: I didn’t know it was gonna take that long. 

Kat: Yeah—

Noel: I thought we were close. 

Kat: At what point did he turn back?

Noel: After an hour. 

Kat: After about an hour when Salm reappears, Palo is very relieved. And he’s just hugging his husband, kissing him and holding his hand. And he will not let go of his hand. 

Fran: That’s very sweet. And it’s too bad that that didn’t come in handy. 

Kaitlin: God. 

Sophia: Laika just shakes her head at Fran. 

Kaitlin: Corbin looks unimpressed. 

Kat: The further you’ve gotten up this path the colder it has gotten. 

[‘singing library’ -Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) beings playing] 

Kat: When you are getting up toward the peak there is snow covering the rocks and the path. And just as twilight is starting to set in and you can see the sun setting in the west from the top of the mountain—and by the way; the sunset up here? Spectacular. 

You are approaching the Temple of Iol, at the peak of Farah’s Mountain. The top of the mountain has been carved into a statue of the hooded god for whom the mountain is named. Farah, the Guide, watches over pilgrims as they come up the path. She holds a stone door with a silver knocker contained within a lantern held up to her chest. 

Despite the weather the statue must endure the carving is really well maintained. Beneath the stone hood there's the face of a woman looking out over the world below. Beneath the statue there is a frozen courtyard dotted with these short, dark trees that have thick leaves iced in snow. And in these trees there are these big macaques with thick, soft, black fur covering all of their bodies except for their gentle golden faces. 

Sophia: What is a macaque?

Kat: Oh! Macaques! They are a type of snow monkey. 

Kaitlin: I’m gonna animal handle that monkey. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: I got a thirteen. 

Kat: That’s not gonna do it, I’m sorry man. 

Sophia: I’m sorry, you look so sad!

Kaitlin: Is it too—god, fuck. Is it too late to cast Guidance on myself?

[‘singing library’ -Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing] 

Kat: Well, here's the thing. I will let you—you can try again after a long rest. 

Noel: Aw that’s nice. That makes sense too. 

Kaitlin: Okay. 

Kat: Yeah, it’s not like an all or nothing thing. 

Kaitlin: One or done thing, yeah. 

Kat: When you see these macaques you try and—you try to approach them. But they immediately begin chittering and if you listen you can understand them, sort of. You can understand them more than the camels, Laika, but you cannot understand them nearly as well as the wolves. 

Kaitlin: What are they chatering about?

Kat: Nothing particularly interesting. But as you approach they go:

Macaques: Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad birdman! Bad! Bad! Bad! Don’t go! Birdman bad!

Corbin: Fucking rude!

Kaitlin: And I walk away. 

Fran: That’s what I hear in my thoughts all the time. 

Laika: When looking at Corbin?

Kat: One of them throws a berry at you, Corbin, at the back of your head as you pass by. 

Kaitlin: I eat it. I whip around like an owl—like a head—like the owl—

Kat: Jesus!

Kaitlin: And I eat it. 

Kat: So do you guys head up? There are stairs heading up to the door. Do you go up those stairs? Or are you just gonna hang out in the courtyard? 

Sophia: Let's go up. 

Kat: Okay! So you guys head up to the doorway and Palo grabs the silver knocker and bangs it twice. And the door opens. And you are greeted by a musk-skinned tiefling. He is dressed in a—

Laika: Dad!

[Laughter]

Kat: He is dressed in drapy, grey, hooded robes and the robes are open in the back to allow room for his huge, leathery wings. 

Sophia: I say:

Laika: Dad, you’re beautiful. 

Unnamed tiefling man: Uh. Um. I’m sorry. Do I—do I know you?

Laika: Where are my wings?

Unnamed tiefling man: Uhh… I… don’t… know. Um. I’m—

Kat: He is very flustered. 

Unnamed tiefling man: I’m sorry. Please, please come in. 

Kat: And he ushers you into the hall. 

[‘singing library’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) beings playing] 

Kat: As he shuts the door behind you you see inside is a great, stone hall with a roaring fire in the middle of the room. There are a few other tieflings milling about in pairs or threes, chatting. And flying around.

Laika: [Whispering] Whoa. 

Kat: The inside of this hall is the inside of this mountain. At the back of the platform that you are on there's a line of pillars which mark the edge. Beyond and above that there are more platforms and tiefling’s flying between them. A few of the platforms are connected by rope bridges but higher there seems to be no ways to reach them except by flight. 

Sophia: Do any of them look like they could be related to me?

[‘singing library’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing] 

Kat: No. Actually they all look significantly different than you. Whereas your skin is quite red, their skins range more from a rust to a burnt umber.

Laika: Her skin is like red-grey. 

Kat: Yeah. Red-grey but theirs are more in the orangey-brown…

Sophia: Okay. 

Kat: ...range. Besides, also the fact that they all have huge wings. They are also quite a bit smaller than you. The tallest one you see is a full head shorter than you are. 

Noel: I say:

Fran: Laika, these guys are so cool! They’re way cooler than you!

[Laughter]

Sophia: Laika agrees and she just slumps to the floor ‘cause she’s like:

Laika: These guys are cool and it’s too much. 

Noel: I’m gonna shake my head in awe and I pat you on the head and I’m like,

Fran: You must be so proud. 

Corbin: Laika, don’t worry about it ‘cause they’re all short idiots. 

Kat: Gingie comes and sits next to you and then she lays down and puts her head in your lad and looks up with her big puppy dog eyes. And she says:

Gingie: Now that you’ve found your real family you’re not gonna abandon me are you?

[Very intense ‘Aw’ing]

Noel: Oh no! Gingie!

Sophia: Laika screams and then she hug—she screams in a battle cry and then she gives Gingie a big hug and says:

Laika: [On the verge of tears] You're my real family!

Kat: Zarun comes and puts his head on your shoulder as well. 

Sophia: I say:

Laika: I was the dad all along. 

[Laughter]

Kat: The tiefling who let you in, he comes up behind you and says:

Unnamed tiefling man: I—uh. I hate to interrupt but welcome to the Temple of Iol! I’m Marcus. I’m one of Farah's humble servants. Please, come. Warm yourselves by the fire. 

Kat: There's a large fire in the centre of this main room. There's a couple tieflings who are sitting around it and Marcus immediately calls over another couple of tieflings who take the body from Gingie. And as you guys are being ushered over toward this big fire they greet Palo and Salm. You see that they give each of them a big hug. 

Sophia: There’s one thing I wanna do. 

Kat: Absolutely. 

Sophia: I just wanna try speaking Infernal to them to see if my Infernal language is as dated as my common is. 

Kat: Oh, sure. Who do you wanna speak to?

Sophia: Marcus. 

Kat: Sure!

Laika: [In Infernal] How’s it going’?

Sophia: But I’d say it like:

[Sophia make a growly noise]

Kat: He looks at you. And he’s a bit surprised and then looks around and he puts an arm around you so you’re real close. And says:

Marcus: [Whispering] I don’t know where you come from, friend, but we do not speak the old tongue here. 

Laika: Why not?

Marcus: Its… I mean it’s… I’m having trouble answering that question. Why would we? It’s a language of an evil past. 

Laika: Evil?

Marcus: Oh—I… What Temple do you hail from, friend?

Sophia: I look at Fran. 

[Laughter]

Noel: The only thing that's coming to my mind is the International House of Pancakes. Okay, well, Fran points at Corbin. 

Corbin: We’re gods. 

Laika: We’re not gods. We came—why don’t we just go sit by the fire. And you can catch us up on just like, a thousand years of world history if you have access to that.

Fran: That'd be great. 

Kat: Marcus looks very confused but he brings you guys over to the fire. There’s pillows and cushions laid out around it. And this is like—it’s a big, circular fire pit with a stone ledge and then inside that ledge is a big warm fire. So you guys lay out on these cushions and it’s just so nice and warm. And another tiefling comes and they bring you some bread and some soft cheese to munch on for a little while. 

Noel: I roll around on the cushions. I’m having the time of my life.

Sophia: Laika does too. 

Kaitlin: Corbin pecks at the bread like a duck. Except don’t feed bread to ducks ‘cause that’s really bad for them 

Kat: Okay. 

Marcus: Now, please—

Kat: Marcus says. 

Marcus:—sister, where do you come from? What has happened to your wings?

Sophia: We just—we tell him just a brief summary. 

Noel: We all speak in unison. 

Sophia and Kaitlin in unison: Yes. 

[Very loud laughter]

Sophia: [Between laughter] Fuck. Shit. Just like that. 

Kaitlin: Just like that. 

Kat: Like a Greek chorus. 

Sophia: Yeah. We give him a summary of recent events minus telling him that Maeri is, you know, the Goddess. 

Kat: Cool. Marcus looks shocked, surprised, not quite sure how to react to this information. 

Marcus: So, if I’m understanding you correctly, tieflings on the island, they didn’t have wings?

Laika: No. I would guess it’s because of having relations with other species over two-thousand years. 

Fran: Or somebody didn’t want you to leave the island. Ah ha ha ah ha. 

Noel: Fran is still rolling. 

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: Is she saying that as she’s rolling. 

Noel: Of course. 

Kat: Marcus, he says,

Marcus: Well, if you’re curious I know there are some texts in the library—something regarding our distant past. I think there was something mentioned. I apologise. It’s been a long time since I went up there. Which is, now that I think of it… wooo. I have some continuing professional education credits that I really need to take care of. 

[Laughter]

Noel: Fran does not like this guy. 

Laika: Our past from the hell-world?

Sophia: I have no understanding of tiefling history. 

Corbin: On Estra they called it the hell-world. 

Fran: They also called this the hell-world.

Kat: Yeah, basically. 

Marcus: I mean, no. I mean, out history as a race. As a species. Do you have any knowledge of where you come from, dear?

Laika: No. Are there other places in this world where tieflings live?

Marcus: Of course. We are attendants of Temple’s of Iol. There are three temples, one for each continent. I’m sensing from the blank look on your face that this is all new information to you.

Laika: I know nothing. 

Marcus: You should visit the library. It’s on one of the upper levels. You can get to it by the rope bridges, it’s open to pilgrims. 

Fran: Do they have spells there?

Marcus: Like I said, I haven’t been up there in a while. I’m not really sure. 

Fran: Chump. 

[Laughter]

Laika: What a chump. 

Corbin: Fran. Laika. Please. 

Marcus: You can also visit—there’s dormitories for pilgrims. Those are just—

Kat: He points to another rope bridge. 

Marcus: Those are off to the left. 

Laika: Man, it’s too bad we aren’t pilgrims. Sounds like they get a lot of benefits. 

Marcus: [Amused] You came up the mountain, that means you’re pilgrims. You’re a pilgrim if you don't live here and if you came up the Pilgrim’s Path. I feel like this is all very basic information you should have. 

Corbin: You don’t have to be patronising about it. You guys are right. This guy is a chump.

[Laughter]

Marcus: Well, anyway. If you take the bridge to the right you can get to the main temple platform. We will be having a ceremony this evening for the couple who you arrived up the mountain with. We will be laying their loved one to rest this evening. You are welcome to attend the ceremony. Dinner will be served in a couple of hours, I believe. Otherwise you are free to explore anywhere you are able to get to. 

Fran: [Quietly] That’s rude. [Louder] Let’s go!

Laika: Let’s go. 

Corbin: I can get to a lot of places. 

Fran: Yeah, that’s fair. 

Kat: He doesn’t know that you can turn into a bird.

Fran: Don’t you do it.

Corbin: I won’t do it!

Kaitlin: Corbin has enough sense to know when somebody tells him ‘You can’t go somewhere.’ That he can’t let them know that he can go there .

Noel: That makes sense. 

Sophia: We’ll go there later. 

Kaitlin: We’ll go later. 

Noel: Should we go to the library first?

Sophia: Yeah. 

Noel: Okay. 

Kat: Sure! You guys are heading up to the library. 

[‘Jassy F-ing Right’ -  - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing] 

Kat: Gingie and Zarun are both very nervous about these rope bridges. Zarun, he won’t cross them. He just—he will not do it. He is too old. His joints are already achy from the cold. He will not do it. So the Goddess, she offers to stay back with the two of them and just hang out by the fire with them. 

Fran: Bye!

Noel: Then we go. 

Kat: Cool . There's a series of rope bridges up there. And they—each one lands on a little platform and then you keep heading up. The library itself is toward the top of the mountain. Inside a little naturally formed cave. It’s not very big. It’s probably two or three dozen shelves that are fairly well maintained. And there is a very old tiefling sitting at a table in the centre of the room. 

[‘Jassy F-ing Right’ -  - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing] 

Noel: Okay. 

Kat: What would you like to do?

Sophia: Approach that dude. 

Kat: He does not hear you approach. 

Sophia: Ooooooh It’s this game again. We gotta spook ‘em. We got—

Kaitlin: Corbin runs around behind him. 

Sophia: Laika hides under the desk.

Noel: Does Fran see where the magic section is?

Kat: I mean, it’s not readily apparent but a little bit of looking—there's not a lot to look through. 

Noel: Fran just leaves then. She's just gonna go. I don’t care about this guy. 

Sophia: At the same time, I’m gonna pop up in front of the desk and

Corbin: I’m gonna give him an uncomfortable back rub, à la Buster. 

Sophia: Laika did not know that.

Kat: Laika, you pop up from behind the desk and are horrified to see that Corbin is giving this old man a very creepy backrub. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) begins playing]

Kaitlin: Just little shoulder squeezes.

Sophia: I just,

Laika: I was the one who was spooked. 

[Laughter]

Corbin: Gotcha.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) plays, fades into interlude]

Noel: And now for a message to Chantel. 

Kat: Chantel. The code word is: fry-curious. Go!

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) plays, fades to episode]

Kat: The old man straightens up very quickly as his shoulders are grabbed and he leans back as he sees Laika jump up and as such he ends up leaning into Corbin and then tipping his chair backwards. 

Kaitlin: Oh, nice. Do I get crushed?

Kat: Yes.

Kaitlin: Oh. 

[Corbin makes distressed crow noises]

Kaitlin: That is my reaction noise to being crushed. 

Kat: Fran, you are elsewhere in the library and all you hear is that horrible noise. 

Noel: And I’m not surprised. I just go:

Fran: Ugh. 

Noel: And keep looking. 

Laika: I’m sorry. We were just trying to play a little prank on you but clearly I did not anticipate my… friend’s behaviour. 

Corbin: This was your idea. 

Kaitlin: And I tip his chair up as I say that. 

Kat: He was tossed from his chair as it fell back and—

Kaitlin: I help him up and I put his chair right. 

Kat: He definitely needs the hell up; he’s a very old man. 

[Sophia and Kaitlin ‘Aw’]

Kaitlin: I feel bad. 

Sophia: Yeah.

Kat: He has that sort of friar-monk hair do. 

Sophia: Oh no. 

Kat: With the bland head and the ring of white hair around his horns. 

Sophia: What is with these weird tiefling hair-dos in this podcast. 

Noel: Soon, Laika. Soon.

Kaitlin: I help him up from the ground I say:

Corbin: I love your hair. 

Old tiefling man: [Old man voice] Thank you. It was very fashionable when I was a young man. I’m sorry I didn't hear you come in, my hearing is not what it used to be. How can I assist you today?

Laika: We need a summary of the past two-thousand years. Specifically on tiefling history but a general history as well. 

[‘Cheery Harumph’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Old tiefling man: Oh, well. I’ll need… I’ll need some tea before we start that. Did you bring me my tea, my child?

Laika: No. I can go get it for you?

Old tiefling man: Please, tell Clarissa to bring my tea. She.... should be here by now. 

Laika: A mini-quest. I got it. 

[Giggles]

Sophia: I go look for Clarissa. 

Kat: Doesn’t take you long to find. She is actually landing on the platform out side of the library just as you walk out. She has orangey skin, long, braided blonde hair and these big, big wings. 

Sophia: Who old is she?

Kat: She looks nineteen-twenty-ish. 

Sophia: I think she’s really beautiful. 

[Giggles]

Clarissa: Oh, I’m sorry. Were you—did you end up…. Master Farlan. He asked you to come get his tea, didn’t he?

Laika: It’s not a big deal. It’s very cool. To do. 

Clarissa: It’s not… [She sighs] He won’t do anything if he hasn’t had his tea. If I don’t bring him his tea right on time he starts sending people on random fetch quests to come find me. 

Sophia: Laika laughs for way too long and too loudly. Like,

Laika: [Subdued shouting] Ah ha ha ha ha!

Kaitlin: Is that Laika’s natural laugh sound?

Sophia: Yep. 

Kaitlin: Love it. 

Kat: Clarissa, she walks past you and seems to be taking your weirdness in stride. Seems perhaps she’s used to people acting bewildered by her beauty. And she walks past and goes:

Clarissa: Master Farlan! I brought your tea. Same time as always!

Sophia: Laika follows her back in. 

Farlan: Oh, thank you, dear. It’s not the same time though, you’re late. 

Clarissa: No, I’m not late Master Farlan. You just don’t know what time it is. 

Kat: She set the tray of tea down in front of him and she takes a blanket off of the back of his chair and puts it on his lap. 

Clarissa: Now please, don’t get your tea all over the blanket this time?

Farlan: I will put my tea wherever I will please. I am old enough.

[Laughter]

Kat: Fran? How’s it going in your area of the library?

Noel: Fran’s having a great time. She’s running through the shelves of books, her arms outstretched. 

Kat: It’s like that scene in Beauty and the Beast where Belle gets the library except—

Noel: Except for there's nobody there. Fran’s alone.

Kat: It’s also a very small library, so. Back to Farlan. He sips at his tea.

Farlan: Where would you like me to start? Two-thousand years, you said? 

Corbin: Start with whenever you were born. That’s gotta be, what, three-thousand years ago?

Farlan: I don’t like your tone, young lady. 

Corbin: I’m a boy. 

Laika: Don’t misgender, Corbin.

Farlan: Dresses like a girl, squawks like a girl. 

Laika: You seem prejudiced. 

Corbin: I’m gonna murder you and they’ll think it was a heart-attack.

[Laughter]

Kat: Clarissa, she puts her hands on Farlan’s shoulders. 

Clarissa: I’m really sorry about him. He’s…

Kat: She leans in close and puts her hand by her mouth. 

Clarissa: [Whispering] He’s very old. 

Laika: [Whispering] And offensive. 

Clarissa: [Whispering] Yeah, we’ve been trying but he just wont stop. 

Farlan: I don’t know what you’re saying because you have your hands blocking your mouths but it sounds bad and I don’t appreciate it. 

Corbin: Everyone hates you, old man.

[Laughter]

Corbin: You’re a jerk!

Farlan: I’m old, I get to be a jerk. 

Corbin: Untrue. 

Farlan: You said to start when I was born and I’ll start there. I was born—

Laika: No, no, no. No. Start two-thousand years ago. 

Farlan: Ehh. Well, very well. I wasn’t alive yet so I don’t know it very well but I’ve read the tomes and the scripts. I’ve.... Clarissa did you—is this the right tea?

[Laika sighs]

Corbin: I could read the tomes and scripts and it would take less time than hearing you explain it to us. 

Clarissa: Yes Farlan, it’s the right tea. Please, please, please just tell these people what they would like to know. 

Laika: Hey, could you tell us?

Farlan: She’s just an apprentice! She doesn’t know anything. 

Laika: That’s what old people always say. 

Corbin: Yeah, I bet she knows more than you. 

Kat: As you guys are saying this, and after Farlan has insulted her again. And you are kind of getting the sense that this is a daily occurrence. She grabs the back of his chair and pulls it out and says:

Clarissa: You know Master Farlan, you’re right. I was late today and it is your bedtime! We’d better get you back down to your bedroom. [Whispering to the Guardians] I’ll be right back. 

Kat: She leaves with him. Do you guys do anything while she’s gone or do you just hang around lookin’ at books?

Kaitlin: I draw dicks all over his desk. 

Kat: Fran have you found anything interesting?

Noel: Can I find a spell?

Kat: Yeah, you can. 

Noel: I find the spell: Magic Circle, which is a third level spell. 

Kat: Cool! So when you found the spell, you do have to copy it into your spell book so I assume that is what you’re going to be spending some time on here. 

Noel: Yes. Plagiarism. 

Kat: Do you just hang out in the stacks and start copying?

Noel: Yes, I sit down on the ground. 

Kat: I imagine Fran’s done that a lot. Just sits in the library on the floor. She did that a lot in Estra. 

Noel: Yeah.

Kat: Good image. So, Clarissa comes back a few minutes later. 

Clarissa: I’m really sorry about him, you guys. He’s… This is gonna sound really bad but I’m just—I’m really waiting for him to die. 

[Laughter]

Clarissa: Because he’s like that everyday. 

Laika: Why don’t you just take over?

Corbin: Yeah, move the process along.

Kaitlin: Corbin winks. 

Laika: No!

Kaitlin: And then makes a finger-throat gesture. 

Clarissa: I’m not killing him. I just—he’s annoying but… he’s the head librarian and it’s a lifetime position. I don’t know… if I could just take over I would. Anyway, you guys were looking for a very long history of tiefling culture, right?

Laika: And just general world history too, two-thousand years. 

Clarissa: Okay, let me see. Let me try and sum this up as quickly as I can. So, tieflings, we were—hold on. How much do you know about tieflings?

Laika: [Confidently] Nothing. 

Clarissa: That’s upsetting to me but we’ll move on from it. So, tieflings, we were created by Rayl. You know who Rayl is, right?

Laika: Yeah. Force of War. 

Clarissa: Yes. Our ancestors were created by Rayl as a gift to his favourite son: Torva. You’ve heard of Torva, right?

Laika: Yeah, what the f—what the hell-world!? We were a gift?

Clarissa: Yeah. The early days of tiefling history, they’re not great. So, bear with me, it gets better. We were created as a gift for Torva, but then Torva burned the world down, which wasn’t great. You—do you guys know about all of that?

Laika: Some. 

Clarissa: Okay, I’ll gloss over that. So once that happened, those tieflings who remained, we were gathered up by our Dark Lord of the Unending Grace; Iol. And we were given a choice that either we could become shepherds for the souls that we had taken or we would die. 

Laika: So we were evil?

Clarissa: I mean our ancestors were, but that was two-thousand years ago. Since then we have really given up all of that. We’re all very happy here being dedicated servants to Iol the Force of Death, our Dark Lord of Eternal Grace. Um... our wings were a gift from Iol! So that we could navigate the mountains where his temples are placed. 

Laika: Oh. Do the Forces have physical manifestations and or genders?

Clarissa: Oh, uh… no. And I guess a bad habit on our part. We just sort of, and I say we I mean—

Kat: And she makes a big gesture. 

Clarissa:—all of us mortals. We all sort of assign genders to them, But they don’t really understand that concept, so... 

Laika: How do I get wings?

[Snorts of laughter]

Clarissa: I guess befriend the Force of Death or Life or one of them?

Laika: How do I do that?

Clarissa: I don’t know. Why would I know that?

Corbin: I’m gonna say right now I think probably killing gods is not gonna be a good way to go about it.

Clarissa: [Loudly] I’m sorry, what!?

Corbin: Uhh—

[Laughter]

Corbin: That wasn’t our plan, I’m just saying. You know, ‘cause we’re not gonna do it, so. 

Laika: Definitely not. I guess I’ll have to pass on the wings. Alright, thank you. 

Corbin: Yeah.

Laika: You’re beautiful. 

Sophia: And then I walk away. 

Clarissa: I get that a lot. 

Kat: Do you leave Fran in the library? Do you come find her?

Kaitlin: I feel like we’ve seen Fran running back and forth in the background a couple times—

Noel: Yeah.

Kaitlin:—and we’re just like, ‘She’ll come out.’

Noel: Yeah. 

Kaitlin: When she’s ready. 

Sophia: We’ll wait on the platform outside. Unless there's more information in there. 

Kat: I mean, you could look through the library and see what you find. 

Sophia: Mm. I’ll let Fran do that. We’ve already left. 

Kaitlin: Fran’s our smart-person, we’ll go do something else. 

Noel: I dunno, I’m looking through stuff, do I see anything of interest? It’s my special skill, I guess.

Sophia: Have to roll for that?

Kat: Nah, no. Here’s what you find searching through the library. You do, you find a tome on tiefling history. And at first you don’t really think anything of it but you're just paging through it because it has some good illustrations. 

Fran: Look at all these hot people. 

Kat: Yeaaahhhh. Hot oldies. 

Fran: Is this anime?

[Laughter]

Sophia: Are you looking at hentai?

Fran: Haven't you ever seen a picture of a tiefling? Imagine if tieflings had wings. You know it's anime. 

Kaitlin: Yeah that’s true. That’s valid. 

Sophia: I see what you mean. 

Kat: Okay. You find an interesting story in this tome, however. Of tieflings who fled after they received their wings. And in this story one of the tieflings returned and told others that they could find a home in the sky but if they chose to stay there they would not be able to keep their gift from Iol. No others chose to leave, however. 

Noel: That’s good to know, so then I’m gonna go out and find them on the platform and I immediately cast Magic Circle. 

Kat: What does it do?

Noel: Basically nothing, ‘cause we’re not fighting anyone but it has cool glowing runes on the ground around us and a circle cylinder of light that goes up to the ceiling. And I’m like:

Fran: [Intensely] Libraries are cool! Knowledge is power!

Noel: And I’m like,

Fran: Look!

Kaitlin: Corbin turns into a bird and flies around you. 

Noel: Good. 

Kat: You hear people gasping and you look down and see other tieflings and a few scattering pilgrims that are pointing up at the huge column of light that is going up the ceiling of the mountain. 

Noel: I point down at them and I say:

Fran: Stay in school!

Kaitlin: I think I have a power that because I’m a bird I can mimic sounds so corbin does a horrible bird impression of what you just said. 

Sophia: He says: [Cockatoo voice] ‘Rah! Stay in school!’

Corbin: [As a bird] Rah! Rahy in school! Rah!

Kaitlin: Yeah, just like that. 

Noel: And then I stop casting the spell and I’m like, 

Fran: I was right about the tieflings on Estra, you guys. 

Laika: What do you mean?

Fran: When they went there, they had wings. But it said in the story I read that they knew they had to give up their wings if they lived there. 

Laika: Well I had no idea we had this evil past. I guess my ancestors made the right choice. 

Kat: Fran, do you know about the evil past? I don’t think you actually read that.

Noel: We’ve all got evil pasts. 

Kaitlin: Corbin crows in agreement. 

Kat: Are you still a bird?

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Kat: Okay. 

Kaitlin: I’m doing a little birdy bath in Fran’s hair and I’m sure she hates it. 

Noel: I hold out my arm though. 

Kaitlin: I perch on it. 

Noel: I look cool as fuck. 

Sophia: You do. 

Kat: As you guys have left the library and you’re looking down toward the main platform that you came in on. And you see that there’s someone else coming in. 

[Sophia gasps]

[‘A KING’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Laika: The devil…

Kat: You hear echoes through the enormous chamber:

Dawson: Well hello there, it’s me! I’m Dashing Dawson, can you please point me in the direction of your general store?

Sophia: Laika doesn’t even wait for him to finish; she just walks back into the library so she doesn’t have to hear him say anything. 

Corbin: It was the devil. 

Kaitlin: Corbin follows Laika. 

Kat: Well okay. 

Noel: Fran does not go back into the library, contrary to everything about her personality. 

Kat: Fran, since you stayed out there you can see that some, sort of perplexed looking, tieflings are leading him down a small hallway.

Noel: Well, I look into the bag of holding. I shake it and it makes a comic rattling sound, like there's nothing in there. And I’m like,

Fran: I need to get some rations, so. 

Sophia: I come back out and I’m like, 

Laika: Is he gone?

Fran: Yeah, and we're gonna go to the general store. The opposite direction of where he went. 

Laika: Let’s do it. 

Fran: Follow me!

Kat: You guys head back down all these rope bridges you stop, say hi to Maeri and Gingie and Zarun. They’re still hanging out by the fire. 

Sophia: I wanna ask if she needs anything.

Kat: She lets you know she's low on rations, but otherwise not really. 

Sophia: Okay. 

Kat:  You guys head down this little hallway, which ends in the only door that you’ve seen so far. And you open the door and inside is—it’s a small shop. Not a ton of stuff here, but a nice little inventory. And in front of the counter there is Dashing Dawson and his Delightful Deal Donkey. He turns and says:

[‘A KING’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludess playing]

Dawson: Hail, travellers! What a coincidence. I didn’t expect to see you here!... It’s a lie. I did. 

[Laika groans]

Corbin: You’re following us, David, and we know it. 

[Laughter]

Dawson: I am not following you , we just happen to be on similar paths. Now, while you’re here, may I interest you in…

Kat: He makes a big flouishing motion with his arm and it’s like, a table and a tablecloth and a bunch of items just fly out from his arm as he waves it and a little stall sets up next to his donkey. The shopkeeper—he—

Unnamed shopkeeper: [Indignant] Excuse me! You can’t just set up your own shop inside my shop!

Kat: Dawson points to her and suddenly she goes—

Unnamed shopkeeper: Oh, you know, never mind, I think it’s fine. It’s fine. 

Fran: That’s creepy. 

Corbin: I don’t like you. 

Laika: I don’t like you either, but I wanna look at your stuff. 

Kat: Laid out on Dashing Dawson’s Delightful Deal Desk, is a lance, a spyglass, a few healing potions, a stick made out of black wood, a pair of beautiful silver, silk slippers with little black opals sewing in intricate patterns on them.  There is a wooden ring with an intricately carved octopus around the outside and a brass compass with a moonstone needle. 

Sophia: Kat wants me to get the compass.

Kaitlin: How much—I only have five hundred and forty. 

Laika: I want those damn slippies. 

Dawson: You are interested in these beautiful silver slippers? Oh, they are just—please, feel the quality on these. 

Noel: I reach out and I cast Identify.

Kat: Ah. 

[Noel laughs]

Kat: I hate that you have that spell. You—there's not a specific spell that you can really feel out but they definitely feel like they would make someone more dexterous. 

Noel: [Whispering] I need those, Sophia. 

Kaitlin: Wait. the slippers?

Sophia: [Loudly] Alright! You can get the slippies. Could I use the magic wooden stick?

Noel: I touch the magic wooden stick and cast Identify. 

Kat: The spell on this feels bardic in nature and it seems like whatever it does has something to do with fire. 

Noel: Hold on. So, I see here that there is a magic ring with an octopus carved on it so once Fran sees that her eyes zoom like a cartoon and shes like:

Fran: WhhhhaaaaAAAaaaaAAaat?

Noel: And she immediately touches it and casts Identify. 

Kat: This has magic on it that is for transmutation—no. What is—

Sophia: Trans—

Noel: Transfiguration?

Kat: Transfiguration, yes! 

Sophia: To what? What does it do?

Noel: An octopus. 

Kat: I mean.. That is the obvious answer. 

Sophia: You can turn into an octopus?

Kaitlin: That would actually be less useful for me than it would for you. 

Noel: Oh yeah, that would not be useful to you. 

Kaitlin: ‘Cause I can do that if I animal handle an octopus. 

Sophia: Can you Identify the brass compass too?

Noel: Yeah, I’ll do the last one too. 

Dawson: You guys have been awfully touchy with these items. I don’t know that I feel comfortable—

Corbin: Shut up, Donny. 

Noel: I just touch it anyway. And I say:

Fran: You asked me to feel the slippers. 

Kat: Okay. The compass, you get a strong sense of directional magic. Which sounds like I’m being very obvious but…

Noel: Makes sense. 

Kat: Yeah. 

Sophia: I’m gonna buy the wooden stick but I want to negotiate with him. 

Kat: Okay. Roll to negotiate. 

Dawson: Oh, you’re interested in this? Isn’t it just fine? Feel the quality of the wood. It’s warm to the touch.

Laika: Isn’t that maybe a little but too warm for seven hundred silver pieces? I feel like that’s a drawback. 

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: Fuck. 

Kat: Let me uh—let me just…

[Dice rolling]

[Excited and surprised screams]

Kat: Except he rolls with advantage. 

[Dice rolling again]

[Even louder excited screams]

Kaitlin: Oh, suck it. 

Kat: He rolled a natural one and then a two. 

Sophia: I rolled a three. 

Dawson: You know, you did do me a favour. So, I’ll take it down to six hundred. 

Sophia: Do I know what it does then?

Kat: Yes. You take this black wooden stick, it feels very warm to your touch. The name of this item comes to you like a vision. And it is the Rod of Burning and you realise that if you make a sick burn before your attack and your attack hits you will do an additional 1d4 of fire damage. 

Noel: I love that.

Kaitlin: You gotta get on those sick burns though. 

Sophia: Would you say that’s a hot rod?

[Giggles]

Kat: Alright. 

Dawson: Can I interest you in anything? You, young man? Do you have any money? I seem to remember you didn't have any money. It’s so strange. Have you found any?

Corbin: I seem to remember that there’s a villain in the room and I hate him. His name starts with a D. 

Dawson: Is it this guy?

Kat: And he points out the shopkeeper who says,

Unnamed shopkeeper: [Sadly] My name is Dwight.

Sophia: I thought it was a woman. 

Noel: It is a woman. 

Kat: It is a woman; her name is Dwight. 

Sophia: Okay, cool. 

Corbin: No, Dwight is a lovely woman. I’m not talking about Dwight. We know who I’m talking about. I want the compass. But I don’t want to pay that much. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: I’m gonna—

Kat: Roll, please. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: Uh, sixteen. 

Kat: Nope. Does not. 

Corbin: Well fuck you, I’m not buying it. Bye. 

Dawson: And you? Young lady with the marvelous hair? I must say, I love what you’ve done with it. 

Noel: I…. once again feel the shoes and say,

Fran: Mmm, feels good. How much are you charging for this? 

Dawson: These are only six hundred and fifty silver pieces. A real bargain for these beautiful—do you see? These are real black opals. 

Fran: Ehh, well what about this compass, this looks like a piece of shit.

[Dice rolling]

Noel: I do not convince him. 

[Laughter]

Noel: I have rolled a five. 

Kat: Yeah, he rolled a sixteen on his higher roll. 

Noel: Hnnng, I don’t know if I have enough money for everything I wanna get though. 

Dawson: I’m sorry, but this is a moonstone—

Sophia: You could trade something for it!

Kat: Yeah, you can actually sell items, if you have anything you wanna sell. 

Noel: Oooooooh. That’s a good idea. 

Sophia: Like that amulet. 

Noel: What?

Sophia: Your teacher’s amulet. 

Kaitlin: [Amused] Sell your prized emotional possession.

[Snorts]

Sophia: [Indignant] Well, it’s magical!

[Laughter]

Noel: I’m… not gonna sell that.

Sophia: Well, I’m just saying, you could probably get a couple hundred. 

Noel: No, no ,no. I’m not selling that. Hello no. 

Kat: Laika: a ruthless practicalist. 

Sophia: Sorry. 

Kat: You did survive like three days on your own in the desert with no supplies. 

Sophia: Yes, and things are just things. 

Kaitlin:  Laika’s probably like ‘Sell your underwear, idiot!’.

Sophia: ...If he would buy it? Sure!

Noel: I don’t really think I have anything I can sell actually. Kind of a minimalist. 

Kaitlin: [Intensely] Ugh. 

Sophia: Except for that amulet. 

Kat: I forgot. Anytime you fail to charm him he charms you. So you are actually charmed. 

Sophia: I am not!

Kat: You are not. 

Kaitlin: I am though. 

Kat: Both of you two are charmed. 

Noel: I’m gonna buy the shoes anyway, because I need more dex and I’m praying that it will give me dex.

Kat: You immediately put your boots off and put on these luxurious silver silk slippers. And as you take a step you hear the little jingle of small bells as you walk. I’ll just tell you what these do. While wearing these shoes you add double your proficiency to dexterity to dance and tumble. And opportunity attacks made against you have a disadvantage.

Noel: [desperate] Do I get any dex?

Kat: Uh, no. 

Fran: What’s the return policy on these? I don’t want these.

Dawson: Well if you don’t like them, I will give you three-hundred and twenty five back. 

Fran: Mmmmmm.

Sophia: I’m gonna try and charm him. 

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: I’m gonna say:

Laika: Listen, she just tried them on and they really don’t do much. So, could she perhaps trade them for the compass?

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: [Quietly] Fuck. [Defeatedly] Seven. 

Kat: He rolled a nineteen. 

Sophia: I tried, Noel, I tried. 

Noel: Thank you. 

Dawson: I’m afraid my return policy is set in stone. 

Kat: And he takes out from one of his pockets an impossibly—should not have fit in this pocket—a stone tablet with his return policy on it. 

Sophia: I roll my eyes and I say—

Kat: Oh, and you are charmed. 

Sophia: Fuck!

[Laughter]

Sophia: I say:

Laika: Wow, you just are really prepared, aren’t you?

Dawson: I certainly am. Or else I wouldn’t be Dashing Dawson! 

Laika: Dashing Dick-Face. Haha. That’s just a joke between friends. 

Dawson: I know because we are best friends, aren’t we, Laika?

Sophia: Laika just falls to the ground. 

Noel: Then Fran… [Disgusted] nicely, charmedly, returns the slippers. And says:

Fran: Thank you so much for the opportunity, sir.

Noel: And she takes the compass and needs to pay an additional hundred-twenty five. 

Kaitlin: Who was the—who was he the son of again? He’s the demigod of somebody. Who was it?

Kat: Killonio. 

Kaitlin: That’s right. 

Sophia: Fart-nugget. 

Kaitlin: The fart-nugget.

Kat: Killonio who is the Thief and the Trickster. 

Noel: [Scoffs] Course. I take the compass and I’m like:

Fran: Thank you! I bet your dad is not a thief.

Dawson: That is an oddly specific and incorrect thing to say. 

Kat: So as you take the compass you feel it’s true purpose in your mind it’s a tracking compass. The moonstone needle points in the direction of an object that you name that is on the same plane.

Noel: [Whispering] Oh that’s dope. 

Kat: When you speak the objects name aloud while holding the compass. 

Kaitlin: Is it only objects or can it be living creatures?

Kat: It’s objects. 

Sophia: Hold up, though. We don’t have to go get the shape-shifting body then. We can just get the cloak. 

Noel: That’s a good idea. Is there a distance limit to it?

Kat: No, there is not. 

Noel: Great. 

Kat: Also, it can only track one item at a time.

Sophia: How come that was the cheapest? That’s the coolest. 

Kaitlin: It’s definitely the coolest item. 

Noel: Dashing Dawson likes to throw us off. 

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Sophia: Yeah. 

Kat: Yeah, basically. 

Sophia: Son of a bitch.

Kat: Next, let’s have you all list off what you bought at the general store. 

Noel: Well we’re all getting warm clothes. ‘Cause we’re about to climb a snowy mountain. 

Kat: Right. Sophia, we’ll start with you. 

Sophia: [Weird, soft voice] I bought—

Kat: What’d you buy from Dwight. 

Sophia: [Voice continues] From Dwight, I bought a first aid kit, one ration—

Noel: Why are you talking like that. 

Sophia: That’s how I talk. 

Kat: No it’s not. 

Sophia: [Continuing voice] One antitoxin and warm clothes.

Noel: Who is in the room?

Kaitlin: God. 

Sophia: It’s me. 

Noel: It’s a ghost. 

Kaitlin: I feel like I’ve been assaulted. I got warm clothing, two first aid kits and two antitoxins. And I spent two hundred and forty. 

Sophia: So we’re broke! 

Noel: Fran is gonna get three first aid kits, two sets of rations—one for the Goddess—a set of warm clothes and a grappling hook. And I have three hundred and one silver pieces left. 

Kat: That is an oddly specific number.

Noel: I do not know why. 

Kaitlin: Oh—

Sophia: Candy?

Noel: Yeah, maybe the candy. 

Kat: You guys finish up your shopping and as you do and you’re heading out of the general store Dawson waves goodbye to you. 

Dawson: Farewell! Farewell! You always know where to find me when you’re looking for a deal!

Sophia: I wave back but it’s like I’m possessed because I’m staring at my hand in horror. 

Kaitlin: I wave back but I manage to get the strength to give him the finger as I’m waving. So I’m waving the finger at him. 

Noel: I wave back and I’m like:

Fran: Yeah we know where to find you! Definitely not up your own ass. Bye!

[‘man oh man’- Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Kat: As you are coming out of the store there is the distant sound of melodic chanting. And as you come to the end of the platform you look down to the one that’s just below you, where there are tieflings and some pilgrims all gathered on the platform. And you see Salm and Palo are standing, holding hands, in front of the edge of the platform. A tiefling is hovering at the edge holding the wrapped body. Then another tiefling, a stately older woman, begins a sermon. 

Older woman tiefling: Our Dark Lord of eternal Grace, we give to you this soul. Oh, Iol, the End, that we must all meet one day. May your Guide find him in the darkness and take him to your side where he may live forever in your Grace. 

Kat: And there's a murmuring from around the gathered. And she continues, and as she continues speaking the tiefling that is holding the body begins to lower and make large circles around the cavern. Spiralling slowly downward into the mountain. Then the tieflings that are among those gathered begin to sing in this low, slow, chant. And they sing a song about loss. About revival and about the unending love of the dark embrace. 

[‘man oh man’- Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing]

Kat: And you watch this from where you are and you see Palo and Salm hug tightly as their brother is buried. 

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

So as the ceremony ends and people come and they greet Salm and Palo and they give them hugs and pat their arms. You see that the Goddess is down there, that she has convinced Gingie and Zarun to get down one rope bridge and she approaches Salm and Palo. And she takes Palo’s hands and speaks softly to him. You can’t hear anything from where you guys are. And then she takes Salm’s hands and she kisses his forehead. And he just starts sobbing. He just breaks down in her arms and she holds him for a while while he cries.

Noel: We better not down there. We’ll fuck it up. 

Kaitlin and Sophia: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Corbin says:

Corbin: Don’t let me go. 

Sophia: I hold him back. 

Corbin: Thanks Laika. 

Sophia: I say:

Laika: Hold me back to. 

Kaitlin: Okay, you’re holding me over my arms? I go—put my arms out to keep you from going anywhere. 

Noel: I put me hand on Corbin’s shoulder and I say:

Fran: I’m also being held back. 

[Giggles]

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) swells, continues and then concludes playing]