Dames & Dragons 18. Into Avelis (Part 9)

Laika and Corbin give chase to the dark divine presence in the tower while Fran and the Goddess do damage control. Then, our adventurers press onward down the road toward new possibilities, puzzles, pursuits, and poop jokes.

✂️ Ep. 18 Outtakes & Extras ✂️ 

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Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 18 – Into Avelis (Part 9)

Kat: Hey, listen, Kaitlin? At the beginning of the last time we recorded an interlude I said I didn’t care about your feelings and I want you to know I care about your feelings. 

Kaitlin: Thank you Kat. Thank you.

Kat: I just wanted to say that on the air, it sounded very mean when I listened to it. 

[Kaitlin makes fake crying noises]

Kat: I was like, ‘Man, that was really harsh.’ So I wanted—

Noel: Isn’t that the funny thing about podcasting? That occasionally you’re just like, ‘God, why would I do such a thing?’.

Kaitlin: I, honest to god, do not remember this at all. 

Kat: Listen—

Kaitlin: But thank you. 

Kat:—I’ve been consumed by guilt about it for weeks, so. 

Sophia: Hey, Kaitlin. I just want you to know: I care more about your feelings than Kat does. 

Kat: [Very intense] Shut the fuck up, I care about her feelings more. 

Sophia: I care the most about your feelings. 

Kat: I’m gonna fight you!

[Laughter]

Noel: Anyway, Kaitlin. I want you to know that—and I don’t mean this in a mean way—but I do not care about your feelings. 

Sophia: Noel—

Kaitlin: You’re gonna hear this podcast after we’re done recording and you’re gonna feel so fucking bad. 

Noel: I’m gonna burst right into tears. 

[Kat laughs]

Sophia: Let me just say—

Noel: All the way in. 

Sophia: —Noel might say she doesn’t care about Kaitlin’s feelings but Noel cares the most about everybody's feelings. 

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Kat: That’s true. 

Kaitlin: That’s true. 

Sophia: I can see it in her eyes right now. 

Kaitlin: Yeah, she's laughing to deflect the reality of what we’re saying which she can’t really handle. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ -Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) beings playing] 

Sophia: Her head! It has just gone down. 

Kaitlin: She’s trying to cover her face with her hair. She doesn’t want us to talk about it-

Sophia: She won’t meet my eyes!

Noel: I don’t care about any of you!

[Laughter]

Noel: I’m a lone wolf!

Sophia: Welcome to Dames and Dragons. Where we all care about each other a lot. We care about each other a lot and we’re just gonna feel a little bit. 

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Noel: [Huffs] Not me though. 

Sophia: Especially you. 

Kaitlin: Lets just have a couple silence—a couple silence—

[Noel snorts]

Kat: A couple silence!

Noel: Wait, how many?

Kat: Idiot!

[Laughter]

Noel: Hey, Future Kat? That was uncalled for. 

Kaitlin: Yeah, Future Kat, watch out. 

Kat: Hey Future Noel? Suck my dick. 

[Laughter]

Noel: Kat, is there anything we should do today?

Kat: We should probably play some dnd. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) plays and then fades out] 

Kat: Oh hi! I’m Kat, I’m your DM and…

Sophia: You sound sad.  

Kaitlin: She was remembering when she just called Noel a dick or something. Two seconds ago. 

Kat: No, I just wasn’t prepared and I’m so sleepy. The carbs are taking me. 

Noel: Hey, I’m Noel and I play Fran, a genasi wizard. I’m level....

Kat: Da da! Six! You all levelled up at the end of last episode. I forgot to say it on the mic but you did! Congratulations. 

Kaitlin: I think, actually, I think Fran lost maybe twenty-five hundred levels. From the last— ‘cause she was like, level a million.

[Laughter]

Kat: Oh yeah, right. 

Noel: I lost those when I saw the butt-cheeks of the man in the Caribou.

[Kaitlin loses it laughing]

Sophia: Which I went to get your drinks! Did you see him there?

Noel: I looked. No. 

Kaitlin: My name is Kaitlin and I play Corbin who is level six. 

Kat: And?

Kaitlin: And he's a druid. And he’s human—Nope! He’s a crow. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: Hi, I’m Sophia. I play Laika, a tiefling paladin and I’m—

Kat: You sound sad. 

Sophia: Level sexy six. I’m in a steamy level six mood over here. 

Noel: Woooooahh. You’re the devil. 

Kaitlin: That’s what you sound like when you're in a steamy mood? Just kind of—

Sophia: Really relaxed. 

Kaitlin: —Depressed?

Sophia: Honestly, you guys, I put on these leggings and they feel like butt-ah. And I’m just melting like butter on top of a pancake. 

Kat: Like jam on toast. 

Kaitlin: Oh, damn it Kat. I was about to say it. 

Sophia: Like jam on toast. TM.

Kat: Alright. Last time you guys got to the tower of Wivvil and you met the knowledge god Wivvil. You asked some questions about gods and goddesses and Torva and you were forced to give up some precious memories in return. You found out, also, that your Goddess, Maeri, is not Kai. Who is/was the Goddess of Estra. And that Kai was supposed to take Maeri’s body as a vessel but for some reason didn’t. And then, as you were talking to Wivvil about this and that and the other thing, Laika, you sensed a dark divine presence further in the library. And that is where you are now. So Wivvil asks you:

Wivvil: What’s wrong?

[Fran gasps]

Laika: There’s something bad here. 

Wivvil: What do you mean?

Laika: I can sense something. Something’s wrong. 

Sophia: And I point in the direction. 

Kat: Wivvil looks over his shoulder and gets up. 

Wivvil: Come, come with me. It’s not safe for you to stay here. 

Fran: What!

Laika: What!? Why?

Wivvil: Well there's all sorts of traps I have set up. It’s best that you stay with me. 

Fran: Wivvil…

Laika: Wivvil…

Corbin: Wivvil…

Kat: The Goddess signs:

Maeri: Wivvil.

[Laughter]

Wivvil: What? You think that I’m not constantly beset by thieves and vagabonds? This is a house of all the knowledge in the world; I would be a fool not to set up traps. Now, will you be coming with me or not?

Laika: Alright, let’s—let’s do it. 

Fran: Wivvil, this is a janky place. Shits fallin’ over. You’ve got traps you can’t stop. 

Wivvil: I’m not all powerful. I’m just a god. 

Laika: Wivvil—

Corbin: [Mockingly] ‘I’m just a god. I’m Wivvil, I’m not all powerful.’

[Fran laughs]

Corbin: ‘I’m just a god.’

Fran: Good one Corbin. 

Kat: Can I have you all make perception checks again. 

[Dice rolling]

Noel: Wooah. I got over twenty. 

Sophia: Nine. 

Kaitlin: Fifteen. 

Kat: So you guys all smell something very distinct and now Wivvil is—he speeds off into the library. As you smell burning paper. 

Noel: [Softly] No…

Kat: He leads you through winding corridors of shelves and books.

[‘snazzy jazzy guitar’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing] 

Kat: And when you come to the source of this smell, an entire shelf of books is on fire. And you see in front of that shelf there is a young man, he looks to be about your age, with chestnut skin and black hair. He’s wearing all black with a mask pulled up over his nose and mouth. He turns, and he sees the five of you and he immediately throws a splay of darts. I’m gonna have you all make dexterity checks. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: Ah, I don’t like this. 

Sophia: Ohhh! Natural twenty. 

Kat: Nice!

Kaitlin: Oh shit, I got seventeen. 

Noel: This is dexterity?

Kat: Yeah. 

Noel: I got seventeen too. 

Kat: Okay. 

[Kat begins to roll dice]

Kat: Oh shi… oh no. Well that’s real bad. Okay, um—

Kaitlin: Ahhhh!

Kat: Both the Goddess and Wivvil are hit by the darts and they both just crumple. You see the Goddess, her face is contorted in pain and she is just— this silent scream. And Wivvil is—the sound he is making is this screaming gurgle. The dart hit him right in the neck and he is down on the ground.  

Kaitlin: He’s a god. 

Kat: So, all of you roll initiative. 

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Seventeen. 

Kaitlin: I got ten. 

Noel: I got four. 

Kat: Alright, and he got a twenty-three, so. 

Noel: Shit. 

Kaitlin: Un-fucking-believable. 

Kat: So he—his turn, he is running. He turns on his heel and sprints away from you guys. Wivvil and the Goddess are out of initiative right now as they are writhing on the ground in pain.

Sophia: I’m going to hand my antitoxin to Fran and say:

Laika: Can you handle the fire? And Maeri and Wivvil?

Noel: Fran laughs hysterically and takes the antitoxin. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: Okay, good. 

Kat: Cool, you got this. 

Sophia: Then I am going to turn to this lil’ fart. ‘You can use your channel divinity to invoke primeval forces to ensnare a foe. As an action you can cause spectral vines to spring up and reach for a creature within ten feet of you that you can see. The creature must succeed on a strength or dexterity saving throw or be restrained.’

[‘snazzy jazzy guitar’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing] 

Kat: So Laika, you run down the corridor after him, round the corner and cast these spectral vines. Annnnd… [Rolls dice] He rolled a twenty-nine for dexterity. 

Sophia: OH-kay. Well I want to Misty Step in front of him and then attack him. 

Kat: Alright, I guess roll to attack.

Sophia: Okay. Fifteen plus seven?

Noel: Twenty-two. 

Kat: That just hits. 

Sophia: Okay! I’m gonna roll damage!

Kat: Roll damage. 

Kaitlin: His AC is twenty-two?

Noel: Fuck. 

Sophia: Oh, I can re-roll that cause I have a two-handed weapon. 

Kat: Okay. 

Sophia: Six plus three plus four?

Noel: That is thirteen. 

Kat: Thank you. Corbin, it is your turn. 

Kaitlin: How does he look after that attack?

Kat: He looks barely phased.

Kaitlin: Figured. 

Kat: In fact, he takes the attack and it slashes over his studded leather armour and then he just ducks right around you and keeps running. 

Kaitlin: Okay, I’m gonna—

Sophia: Wait! If he’s running away I get an attack of opportunity!

Kat: You do actually! Good point! Take your attack of opportunity. 

Kaitlin: Do it! Do it! Do it!

Sophia: Suck my dick, dude. 

Kat: Yeah, take your attack of opportunity. 

Kaitlin: Kill him.

Sophia: Could I try and grapple him? 

Kat: Sure!

Sophia: Is that an attack then?

Kat: No, that’ll be a strength contest. 

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: Ooooh! Yes boy! I got nineteen plus four. 

Kat: Twenty-three… yeah, actually you did it. You grappled him. 

Sophia: Nice. 

Noel: Woah!

Kat: He is restrained. 

[Noel and Kaitlin gasp]

Sophia: Can I try and remove his mask?

Kat: Sure. I mean, you can. It’s just a piece of cloth. 

Sophia: I’m taking off his mask.

Kat: He is—looks like a human dude. 

Sophia: Is he hot? 

Kaitlin: Yeah, is he hot?

Kat: Yes.

[Kaitlin gasps]

Kat: He is very—he’s definitely very attractive. He’s got a very straight nose and these very soft lips and just a square jaw. 

Noel: Wow. 

Kaitlin: Damn. 

 Kat: Long, long black hair. 

Kaitlin: Oh wow, how long? 

Kat: Down to his shoulder blades. 

Kaitlin: Oh man. 

Sophia: Sounds like a babe. 

Kat: So yeah, when you grapple him, you grab his arm as he runs past you and you are able to spin him around and grab him under both his arms and hold him up against you. 

Kaitlin: I run up there and I say:

Corbin: Who are you and what are you doing here and what’s your name?

Kat: He spits in your face. 

[Gasps]

Kat: And—

Kaitlin: I lick it off and I wink at him. 

[The group erupts in disbelieving and affronted laughter]

Noel: [Very high-pitched] Kaitlin!

Kaitlin: I want him to be intimidated. I don’t want him to think he can get to me. 

Sophia: He’s gonna be turned on. 

Kaitlin: I also want him to be a little bit turned on. 

Kat: Kaitlin, I’m gonna have you roll intimidation if you’re gonna try and intimidate him. 

Kaitlin: My intimidation is really bad. 

Kat: Okay. 

Noel: Yeah, clearly from what you just did. 

Kaitlin: That’s a sixteen. 

Kat: He is not into it. 

Kaitlin: Is he a little bit turned on? Roll to see. 

[Kat rolls dice]

Kat: No, he’s very grossed out. 

Kaitlin: Damn it! Well, you know what? You can’t win it every time. 

Sophia: You licked someone's spit. 

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Sophia: You can still attack him. 

Noel: I think you should take his darts. 

Kaitlin: Oh yeah, okay. I pat him down and I find the darts and I wink at him while I’m patting him down. 

Kat: I’m gonna have you rolla to see if you can find those darts. 

Noel: Maybe they’re magic darts. Maybe they’re in his butt. 

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: I wanna search his butt first. 

Noel: No. 

Sophia: No!

Kaitlin: That— well it’s not great. That’s sixteen. 

Kat: No. You pat him down and it’s just like there's nothing but body under the clothes. It doesn’t feel like he has any weapons on him at all. 

Kaitlin: Nothing? Oh wait, I look at him and say:

Corbin: Nothing but body, eh?

Sophia: Laika is really uncomfortable that Corbin is flirting with this guy while she’s holding him. And she gives Corbin a look and she’s like—

Laika: [Uncomfortable] Corbin....

Corbin: I don’t want him to think he’s better than us!

Laika: Yeah, I don’t know that that’s the impression that you are giving right now. 

Kat: Noel, it is your turn. 

Noel: So I have my antitoxin and I’m looking down at two writhing divine beings. And Fran is hyperventilating—

[Laughter]

Noel: —and she rushes and—this antitoxin can only be used for one person, right?

Kat: Yeah. 

Noel: So I take my antitoxin and I pour it down the Goddess’ mouth and I put my hand over her mouth and make her swallow it. 

Kat: She is—

Kaitlin: Do that thing that you do to dogs where you rub her throat. 

Noel: I’m not gonna do that. 

Kat: She stops writhing and she’s breathing really hard but her eyes are very unfocused and she's not responding to you but she's no longer screaming silently or writhing on the ground, so.  

Noel: So it helped. 

Kat: Improvement!

Noel: Are the darts still in them?

Kat: Yes.

Noel: Okay. I’m gonna take them out. 

Kat: Okay. They are small, bronze darts. Looks like whatever poison was on them has—it’s rubbed off. 

Noel: Okay. 

Kat: So we are back up to the top of the order with Mystery Man. Does a twenty-three hit your armour class, Sophie?

Sophia: Nooooo…

[Laughter]

Sophia: Yes it does. 

Kat: So as you are holding him and Corbin is beginning to question him, you feel something push into just between the cracks of your armour. And then I’m gonna have you roll constitution.

Sophia: Ayyye. [Rolls dice] Oooh! That’s an eleven!

Kat: Oh, no. That doesn’t do it. You drop to the ground in just the most blinding, unimaginable pain. It feels like someone is grabbing you from inside where that dart hit you and is just trying to rip your insides out through that puncture. 

Sophia: I scream ‘Antitoxin!’ at Corbin. 

Kat: As you are forced to let go by this pain, the man takes off again. Takes off running. And Laika, now it's your turn. 

Sophia: Can I do anything?

Kat: You can make a constitution saving throw again. 

Sophia: Oh, okay. I got a fourteen. 

Kat: No, you are still poisoned and you take seven damage. 

Sophia: Aw.

Kat: Kaitlin, you’re up.

Kaitlin: I pour the antitoxin down Laika’s throat and I close her mouth and I rub her throat like I do with a dog that you’re trying to get to swallow something. 

Sophia: Laika likes it because she knows that’s what you do for a wolf.

Kaitlin: Yeah she knows. She knows what’s up.

Kat: You feel—the pain recedes Laika, but you’re still feeling very dazed and you will have disadvantage on any rolls going forward.

Sophia: All?

Kaitlin: Forever?

Kat: No, no. Just until— 

[Laughter]

Kat: —until you take a long—for the rest of this encounter. Until you save again on your constitution. 

Sophia: That’s a strong toxin. 

Noel: Jeez Louise. 

Kat: Fran, you are up. 

Noel: Okay, so the Goddess still looks the same?

Kat: Yeah, she’s no longer in pain but she’s dazed.

Kaitlin: I guess Wivvil is fucked. 

Noel: Does she get a turn now?

Kat: Uh, yeah. Actually I should roll initiative for her. [Rolls dice] Yeah, actually then the Goddess is going before you. She struggles to get to her feet and then casts Create and Destroy Water. [Rolls dice] Ohh. She casts it and first water comes out of her hand and then immediately turns into steam. 

Noel: Ohh. 

Kat: Which engulfs—a hundred foot diameter cloud of steam. 

Noel: Does it dampen the flames?

Kat: A bit, yes. Fran and the Goddess, though, your visibility is decreased.

Noel: Okay but we can still see the flames?

Kat: Yeah. 

Noel: Fran holds out her hand to Maeri and she’s gonna cast Create and Destroy Water. Like we did before. 

Kat: Do you guys hold hands?

Noel: Yeah, we hold hands. 

Kat: You are able to use her power to channel it toward the blaze. And let me just see… yeah. She only doubles it.  

Noel: Okay. 

Kat: And so that is beginning to put out the blaze. It is not fully extinghused yet, but definite progress has been made. Well done. 

Noel: Thank you.

Kat: Alright, it is back to the top of the order with our Mystery Man and he is still running away from you guys. I’m gonna have you all make athletics checks to see if you are able to keep up with him. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: I got an eighteen. 

Kat: Kay. 

Sophia: Fifteen plus seven!

[Noel giggles]

Kat: You are not able to catch up with him but you are not far behind. He starts taking turns at every opportunity he gets to try and lose you guys but Laika, even in your dazed state you are now angry and you are fixated on him and you are chasing him down. You aren’t far behind every turn he makes. But you see that he is running towards the only entrance and exit. Which is up, like, a hundred floors from you. Laika, do a constitution save.

[Sophia rolls die]

Sophia: Ah! I got a really good one. Twenty-one.

Kat: That’ll do. You have overcome your dizziness.

Sophia: Ain’t nobody can poison me. 

Kat: Yeeah! Well, they did but you got over it. [Sudden British accent] You goht bettah.

Sophia: Honestly I think my best bet is to Misty Step in front of him again. 

Kat: Okay. You Misty Step in front of him and what do you want to do? Attack?

Sophia: Yeah. I think I’m gonna use Thunderous Smite. [Rolls dice] So that was sixteen. 

Kat: No. No. No, no, no. We’ve already established his armour class and it is not that. 

Sophia: Well fine. I get one more attack. 

Kat: Go for it. Are you gonna try and Thunderous Smite him again?

Sophia: Yep. [Rolls dice] I don’t hit!

Kat: No. Your vision is swimming in front of you as you step out of the mist and you bring your sword down once but he's just not there. He’s not where you thought he was. And you see that he’s moved just a foot to the left and you try and put your sword down on him again and again he’s just not there when your sword comes down. And he is gonna dodge around you again to try and keep running. 

Sophia: Do I get an attack of opportunity?

Kat: You get an attack of opportunity. 

Sophia: I’m gonna Thunderous Smite this son of a bitch!

Kat: If it’s the last thing you do you will Thunderous Smite him!

[Sophia rolls dice]

Sophia: I am not going to! I can already tell you that. 

Kat: As he ducks around you, you swing your sword wildy and all you manage to do is slice through a couple of books on a shelf.

[Sophia whines]

Kat: And he is running and now it is back to Corbin. 

Kaitlin: I’m gonna cast Pass Without a Trace. 

Kat: Okay. 

Kaitlin: On myself and Sophie, just in case she decides she wants to be sneaky. 

Sophia: Thanks. 

Kaitlin: You’re welcome. And then I’m gonna turn into a crow. 

Kat: Alright. Now we are up to the Goddess. So the Goddess, she looks  between the diminishing fire and then down to Wivvil. And then she looks at you Fran and stares for a moment in—sort of deer in the headlights. Before finally she kneels down next to Wivvil and… [Rolls dice] And her eyes are wide and she signs to you:

Maeri: I don’t know what to do. 

Fran: Well I don’t know what to do!

Kat: The Goddess is going to cast Cure Wounds which heals him of the damage but he’s still poisoned. And he’s looking pretty dazed. And now it is Fran’s turn. 

Noel: Okay. The fire’s still going?

Kat: Yeah. It’s starting to eek out but also the rain is starting to stop. 

Noel: I’m just gonna do the same thing again. I put my hand on the Goddess’ shoulder. 

Kat: And this time it seems to do it. By the end of the spell the flames have been extinguished and all that is left behind of this bookshelf is a burnt husk. What Whatever was on this shelf is… it’s gone. It’s just blackned books and scrolls. And now we're back up to Mystery Man. And I’m gonna have you guys make an athletics check against him.

Sophia: Twenty-one. 

Kat: Okay. You get so close, Laika. He gets to the base of—the last shelf. And it’s just a shear wall up to the door and you are running straight toward him and you have your hand out to grab him but he is already climbing. And you aren’t able to grab him before he is up the shelf, too far for you to reach.

Sophia: It’s my turn though, right?

Kat: It is your turn. You wanna try climbing up after him?

Sophia: Oh hell yeah. I’m gonna climb and pull that little man down. 

Kat: Alright. Make an athletics check. 

Sophia: He’s coming down alright. Maybe. [Rolls dice] Actually. Seventeen?

Kat: No, that does not do it. You reach for him but he is already out of your grasp. But he does look down at you and he gives you a wink.

[Noel gasps]

Kat: And then he is up. He is climbing like Spider-man up these shelves. And he is gonna be at the top of this tower probably within the round. Like, he is climbing super fast. And Corbin, what did you roll on your athletics check?

Kaitlin: Pfft. I didn’t actually do that great. I got um…

Noel: You probably don’t have to do that great though.

Kaitlin: I got a seven. 

Kat: Well you do not critically fail. 

Kaitlin: I’m just trying to follow him. 

Kat: You are able to follow him—

Kaitlin: I also don’t want him to see me so do I need to do a stealth-dexterity roll?

Kat: Yeah roll a stealth roll.

[Kaitlin rolls dice]

Kaitlin: Well I got eighteen plus ten so that’s twenty-eight. 

Kat: Oh yeah—

Sophia: Noice!

Kat: He does not see you following him. 

Sophia: Hey that’s noice!

Kaitlin: Fwanks!

Kat: And then it is the Goddess’ turn. She is still panicking because she has nothing she can do against poison. So the Goddess pulls Wivvil onto her lap, so she is kneeling and she has his head in her lap and she’s just stroking his hair, trying to soothe him. Because there's not much else she can do. And occasionally when she sees his eyes come into focus she signs ‘I’m  sorry’ and ‘I don’t know what to do.’ and ‘I’m sorry.’ And Fran, it’s your turn. 

Sophia: I feel bad.

Noel: Sooooooo. I basically have nothing I can do for him. Fran is horrified by what she’s seeing, by the way. But she just can’t really deal with that so she goes to look at what section was burned. 

Kat: Roll an investigation check. 

Noel: I got eighteen. 

Kat: From what little remains, and there's very little, but you do see one word you recognise, occasionally. 

Noel: Mm-hm. 

Kat: And is is ‘Estra’. 

Noel: Fuck!

Sophia: God damn it. 

Noel: What…

Kaitlin: Mm-mm.

Sophia: Mister—this guy. He winked. I hate him. 

Kat: Back at the top of the order here. Make one last athletics check Sophia. 

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Okay! Sixteen plus seven. 

Kat: That’ll actually do it. He rolled a seven. 

Sophia: [Whispering] Suck my dick.

Kat: Yeah, he’s climbing with alarming speed but you are just driven by malice and hate. Especially after that wink. You are able to grab his ankle and I’m gonna have you roll strength. 

Sophia: How high up are we?

Kat: You are probably about halfway up now. 

Sophia: ‘Cause I’m thinking I might pull him off and throw him down. 

Kaitlin: Yeah, just drop him. 

Kat: It’s a really long way down and he will get hurt if you drop him. Or if you fall. 

Sophia: I’m gonna take that risk. 

Kat: I’m just gonna say that if you fail this, it’s not gonna be good for you. 

Sophia: Yeah, I know. [Dice roll] Well! I didn’t do it!

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: I hate this.

Noel: What did you get?

Kaitlin: Three. 

Sophia: Well it would be three plus four if it’s strength. 

Kat: He is able to wrench himself free. You just don’t have a good enough grip. Please make—

Kaitlin: You get—

Kat: —a dex save to see if you…

Kaitlin: You get plus ten on dex saves.

Sophia: Alright. I definitely make it cause I’ve plus four dex and plus ten. It’d be twenty-five plus four.

Kat: So you are able to avoid falling down yourself, but he does kick his foot free from your grasp to continue climbing. And now it is Corbin’s turn. 

Noel: Start flying, little bird. 

Kaitlin: There's not a lot I can really do in bird form besides follow him. 

Sophia: Keep doing it. 

Kat: And, Fran, do you have anything you would like to do? Otherwise there’s not much changing in your camp. 

Noel: I’m gonna say:

Fran: I’m gonna go get Laika; she can heal poison. I’ll be back. 

Noel: And then I run off. 

Kat: Okay. Your turn is you running to the area that you guys entered form. So then we are back up and the guy gets up to the top. And Laika, he looks down at you and he spits.

[Gasps]

Kat: [Amused] And then he runs.

Kaitlin: Lick it. 

Noel: Don’t lick it!

Kat: You see him at the top, but he’s out the door before you’re anywhere close to the top. 

Sophia: I want to dodge the spit. 

Kat: We’ll say with your athletics roll you were able to dodge his spit. 

Sophia: And I say:

Laika: That’s not jam on toast.

Kat: God damn it!

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: I—ohhh…

Kat: Corbin do you want to follow him out of the library?

Kaitlin: Yes I do. 

Kat: Alright. Roll stealth. 

[Dice roll]

Kaitlin: That’s twenty-four.

Kat: Okay. I'm gonna come back to Corbin and the boy in a bit. Fran, you have gotten to where you see now Laika is about three quarters of the way up this bookshelf that she has just scaled. 

[Giggles]

Fran: What the fuck?!

Kaitlin: And I’m missing!

Kat: Yeah, Corbin’s just gone. So that’s the scene you come upon.

Fran: Laika?!

heal

Sophia: I just scream in rage. And I start climbing down. 

Fran: The Goddess can’t heal poison and we don’t have any more antitoxin. Where’s Corbin!? Where's that guy!?

Laika: He followed him. Hopefully we can catch up with him later but let's take care of Wivvil. 

Fran: Ugh. 

Kat: So you get down, Laika, and you guys head back over to Wivvil. And it takes you a little while because this place is very difficult to navigate without Wivvil and now that you’re not following this guy anymore, you don’t really have a path. You don’t know where you’re going so it takes you a little bit. But by the time you get back Wivvil— he’s sweating and writhing and his form is flickering in and out. Remember when you guys first saw him, he was this sort of formless being.

Noel: Ohhh, yeah. 

Kat: And he keeps going back to that form. It’s like he’s not able to hold this human shape. So you gonna Lay those Hands on him?

Laika: Yeah. It cures him. 

Kat: So as his eyes refocus he looks up at the Goddess and finally is able to breathe deeply. He says:

Wivvil: [Relatively weak]  Did you—did you catch him?

Laika: [Audibly frustrated] No.... but Corbin’s following him so hopefully we can find out more. Did you recognise him?

Weevil: Yes. Those wretched children. 

Kat: He struggles to get back to his feet. And his form—again—flickers and you guys notice that his feet are gone. He’s just sort of floating now. I guess he’s just given up on feet. 

[Laughter]

Kat: So he floats back to another one of these little rotundas like you were in before and collapses into a blue chair that just appears under him as he sits down. And he cradles his head in one hand as he rests his elbow in the arm of the chair. 

[Wivvil sighs]

Wivvil: That would be Falen. One of Torva’s wretched children. He is aptly named the Betrayer. Patron of back-stabbers and assassins. I’m sure his father sent him here. 

Laika: He’s a god?

Wivvil: Demi-god but yes. 

Kaitlin: Hey you guys, he’s the back-stabber? So what if he back-stabs Torva and turns into Zuko?

[Laughter]

Sophia: Ooooooohhhhhh! He’s gonna be Zuko! I hope to god he’s like Zuko. 

Kaitlin: I want him to be Zuko so bad.

Laika: Me too. 

Noel: That’s a good point. 

Sophia: He did spit at me though. 

Noel: He also winked at you. 

Kaitlin: He also winked at you!

Sophia: Yeah.

Noel: And Corbin licked his spit so I think there’s been some mistakes made all around. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: You know, after that happened he should have known better, y’know?

Kaitlin: Yeah that’s true. 

Sophia: Were not the types to get spit on. 

Kaitlin: We're not gonna just take it like a—we’re gonna lick it.

Sophia: Well, one of us is anyways. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: I guess what I would ask is:

Laika Why did his poison affect you? Aren’t gods immune?

Wivvil: Well, there’s one poison that affects a god and there’s one god who manufactures it and that is Torva.

Fran: Was is Kastra poison? 

Wivvil: A very weak form of it, yes. It’s Falen’s favourite toy. 

Fran: So it didn’t take your divinity? Or your immortality?

Wivvil: No, no. It just hurts like a bitch. 

Laika: Why would he have burned those books?

Wivvil: That was everything I had containing knowledge of your island. I suppose Torva doesn’t just want to have taken it from the sky, he wants to take it from the minds of everyone who will live from now on. That knowledge is gone. Destroyed from my library. Means it won’t hold on in the world very long. I’m sorry, I’m just not really in the mood for entertaining, so… [Sighs] If you are satisfied with your time here then please, one of my assistants will show you out. 

[‘moon farts’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing] 

Fran: Well, we need to learn the knowledge, though. The—the language of this world. 

Wivvil: Oh, right. 

Kat: He waves a hand. 

Wivvil: There, you have it. 

Kat: You feel no different by the way. 

Fran: Does Corbin have it? He left.

[Wivvil sighs]

Fran: And he left to help you, by the way.

Kat: Wivvil looks off between the two of you, focused on something in the distance. Then he nods slowly. 

Wivvil: Yes, yes. The boy can understand. Although he may not comprehend. I don’t know what’s in that boy’s head. 

[Kaitlin wheezes]

Fran: That’s a very fair point.

Kaitlin: [Through wheezes] That's so mean. You hear a distant—cry that’s just a little bit sad. 

Noel: No. No we don’t.

Kaitlin: You hear it in your brains; it was psychic.

Noel: Oh my god. 

Kaitlin: His two golden hands clap together twice although his arms do not move from where they are and a little golem comes up and it tugs at your pant leg, Fran. 

Fran: [Surprised] Ergh. 

Noel: I jerk my leg away. 

Wivvil: Please, follow my assistant. He will lead you out. Thank you for stopping by. 

Fran: Ah, thank you. I guess. This was horrible. 

Laika: Two star Yelp review. 

Kat: So you guys follow the little golden golem out. It takes you up a spiralling staircase that visits each floor as you pass it, so it spirals around the whole tower so it’s a very long staircase. But you do get to the top. Back up to that first landing and out of the Tower. And when you turn around it is gone. You are just in an empty clearing. You can see a path. A very clearly marked path that leads back through the woods from where you are. And now we’re heading back to Corbin. 

So you have been following Falen through the woods. I’m gonna have you roll, actually, perception. See how well you can follow him. 

Kaitlin: Twenty-two. 

Kat: Okay, yeah. You’re able to follow him pretty well as he is running through the forest. 

[‘moon farts’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing] 

Kat: When he believes that he is no longer being followed, he slows down. You see him stop in this clearing to catch his breath and you take roost in one of the trees. And you can see in the distance the mountain range that’s been looming in front of you for a while. 

Kaitlin: Mm-hm.

Kat: And you see him look directly at these mountains 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) begins playing]

Kat: And specifically you can see he looks at this black peak in the distance, points to the sky and then vanishes into black smoke. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) plays, fades into interlude]

Sophia: [Dramatically] And now: a message to Chantel. 

Kat: Chantel, the codeword is: ‘Nail me and call me crucified.’ Go!

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) plays, fades out]

Kat: It’s just the three of you. ‘Cause it’s just the Goddess, Laika and Fran since Corbin, you are off still on your spy mission. And there is a path leading right out of these woods and when you take the path leading right outta these woods. And when you take the path— I assume you take the path?

Noel: Yeah, we’ll take the path. 

Kat: Okay. It is just a short jaunt back to the village. And there's no lights. There's not even that pedestal that you passed. All of it is just gone. So you—Sophie you just look so upset right now.

Sophia: I’m so scared that something happened to the wolves. 

[‘third time’s the charm’- Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Kat: So as soon as you come out of the forest— it is a bright summer day. There are children out playing in the road in town and as people see you they slow and they stare. And you hear them whispering and for the first time you can understand they’re sayinging. 

[Gasps]

Kat: You’re hearing mutterings of: ‘Oh gods be!’, ‘They came out alive!’, ‘Honey, come inside. Come out of the street.’ and as the mothers call to their children and the kids stop playing they just look at you in absolute awe. 

Noel: So when we hear them talking does it just sound normal to us?

Kat: Yeah. It sounds like a language you understand but you definitely can distinctly hear that it’s another language.

Noel: Right. 

Kat: It doesn't just sound like ancient Common to you. It’s like you just gained a new language all of a sudden. 

Noel: Okay, great!

Kat: And after a minute the man who runs the general store comes out of his shop. And he stares at you guys, mouth agape and says:

General Store Owner: You’re alive!

Noel: Oh yeah. The man from the store. 

Kaitlin: Yeah he's the one—I stuck my head in his grain, right?

Kat: Yeah you did. 

Noel: Oh shit I forgot about that. 

Fran: Uhh. This might be a weird question. But uh, how long were we in there?

Unnamed General Store Owner: Oh. 

Kat: And he looks round and the street has very quickly emptied. 

[‘third time’s the charm’- Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing]

Unnamed General Store Owner: You—actually. Follow me. I’ll—you must be hungry. I’ll get you some food. 

Laika: We’ll follow you but have you seen… uhh… How do you describe Corbin?

Fran: Um. 

Laika: You know that lil’ guy that stuck his head in your grain? 

Fran: He doesn’t wear enough clothes. 

Unnamed General Store Owner: Yeah. I remember him. Did he not make it out?

Laika: Well, we think so. But he went on ahead. Did you see our two large—I don’t know if you know what they are—wolves?

Fran: They’re like big dogs. Big, big dogs.

Unnamed General Store Owner: Oh you mean those huge dogs that have been lurking around the edge of town? Yeah, I mean we’ve seen them. They won’t come up to anyone. 

Laika: [Very relieved] [Dramatic sigh] Oh thank god. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: Cool! I follow him inside. 

Noel: M’kay. I also go. 

Kat: He leads you into the local tavern. He sits you down and leaves you at one of these tables for a minute and comes back with a couple bowls of hardy beef stew and some soft bread. And he brings that over to you guys and sits down across from you guys. And he’s just staring at you guys in absolute awe still.

Noel: I am uncomfortable and I slurp my stew as loud as possible.

Sophia: I follow Fran’s example. 

Noel: I silently stare at him. 

Sophia: I do the same. 

Noel: What does Maeri do?

Kat: Oh yeah, Maeri. She’s just eating like a normal person. She’s very—

[Laughter]

Sophia: So we’re like— [Does a bad slurping noise]

Kat: Well she’s super used to people staring at her in awe. 

Noel: Oh that’s fair. She’s just like, ‘Oh yeah, normal day.’

Kaitlin: ‘This is regular.’

Kat: She’s completely comfortable with it. She gives a sign of thanks to the man and he nods to her. Corbin, what are you doing?

Kaitlin: Well… I feel like my first instinct would be to try to go back and try to find wherever the tower was because that’s where I would assume they would be. 

Kat: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Obviously wouldn’t be able to find it. 

Kat: No. You fly back into the direction and there's no— you see the clearing but there's no sign of a tower and you’re not even sure if this is the right clearing. 

Kaitlin: So if I couldn’t find it I would probably just circle the forest for a while and try to find them in the forest. And I can’t stay a bird for more than an hour so I wouldn’t do it for more than an hour before I flew back to the town ‘cause I wouldn’t want to walk back. 

Kat: Okay. I guess you’ll meet them in an hour.

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: [Laughing] Yeah. 

Sophia: Corbin’s just like—

Kaitlin: Forty-five minutes…

Sophia: ‘I’m gonna find my friends!’

Katilin: I’ll get there. 

Kat: So after a little while of just staring at you guys while you eat—and you notice that the few other people that are in this tavern—it just looks like it’s the tavern keeper and one other person who’s in there drinking—they’re, both of them, staring at you. Completely unashamed, unabashed staring. 

Noel: As I slurp I change eye contact to each one. 

Kat: Finally the general store man— 

Unnamed General Store Owner: Oh, um, sorry. We’ve never seen anyone come out of the woods before. It's kind of exciting. I’m Antonio.

Kat: And he holds out his hand to you guys.

Sophia: I’ll high-five it. 

Noel: I’ll shake his hand. And I say:

Fran: Antonio, so you notice anything different about us? Smarter, maybe?

Antonio: Um…

Sophia: I lean to pose next to Fran. 

Noel: I also pose. 

Sophia: And we look really studious. 

Kat: The Goddess gives him a little wave and just goes back to eating her soup. Antonio looks between the two of you and says:

Antonio: I mean… you don’t look very different. 

Laika: Do we sound.... Really good?

Antonio: I—oh!

Kaitlin: [Whispering in background through giggles] I hate this.

Antonio: I can understand you!

Laika: Yeah!

Fran: Yeah!

Laika: We speak your cool language!

Fran: Yeah we’re smart. We learned it in like—how long?

Antonio: Oh it’s—how long has it been? I guess you went into the woods… it was early spring… Couple of months?

Fran: That’s pretty fast to learn a whole new language. Wooow.

Laika: Listen to my vocab…

Fran: Woooow.

Laika: You look very… nice.

Fran: You look… tremendous.

Laika: You look… faaantabulous.

Fran: [Whispering] Wow. 

Antonio: Did you meet the spirit then?

Laika: The god?

Antonio: The god? There was a god in there?

Laika: I… don’t… know? I forgot.

Antonio: We’ve seen—dozens of adventures have gone into those woods and no one has ever come back out alive. 

Laika: You know this is—it’s—it’s not a big deal. How about you just tell us about yourself? What are you like? Tell us about this town.

Antonio: Oh, like I said: My name’s Antonio, I own the general store. This is Briar Glen. I mean we’re just a little forest village. We’re not incorporated with any of the larger kingdoms. We sort of keep to ourselves out here. No one goes into the woods to the north of us and no one comes out of those woods except for you guys. We thought they were haunted. Are you saying there was a god back there? This whole time?

Fran: I mean, they probably just got lost. There's some puzzles. 

Laika: Yeah, he had some puzzles. 

Antonio: How shou—

Fran: You’re not gonna be able to get back there, so don’t even try it. 

Antonio: I mean, shou—

Fran: We’re really smart. We learned a language in two months. 

Laika: I mean, you could maybe figure it out but I think you better stick it. Unless you know how—

Fran: Stick it to that seat.

Laika: Yeah. Stick it to that seat. 

Antonio: I know my place, don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for adventure here. We’re just trying to make a simple living away from any of the politics or the wars of all the—

Laika: Yeah, sounds like gods are huge arseholes.

Antonio: Well, they’re people. They’re not perfect but…

Laika: Murdering tons of people seems pretty bad. 

Fran: You’re a very forgiving man Antonio. 

[Laughter]

Antonio: Wait, you’re saying they’re not your gods?

Fran: I’m an atheist. 

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: After just meeting a literal god. 

Sophia: Doesn’t mean we have to believe in them!

Kaitlin: That’s true, that’s true.

Noel: I don’t believe in any of them. They can’t achieve their dreams. 

Kat: He laughs at you guys.

Antonio: That’s crazy, you know that right? That’s crazy. They obviously exist. They exert their will on all aspects of life. Bav planted the trees, Meela made them grow. Our crops only exist by the grace of Yovia’s light. I mean, the gods exist. Some of them are fickle and they don’t always have the best interest of mortals at heart but they serve the Forces and the Forces are infallible so—

[Someone makes an ‘Ehhhh’ sound]

Antonio: It’s all the will of the Forces. Whatever may be will be.

Fran: Who’s Will?

Laika: Whoever this Will is, I’d like to talk to him.

Fran: Seems like a dick. 

Laika: Seems like a real nard. 

Kaitlin: Corbin is currently flying through the woods and suddenly he gets a brilliant idea to not just only should he kill the gods, but the Forces as well. 

[Laughter]

Antonio: Can I ask? Which god is back there?

Fran: Uhh. Umm. John. 

Antonio: John? 

Fran: Just like—look it doesn't matter. The point is if you go into the puzzles, you’ll die. 

Antonio: Well—

Fran: He’s the god of puzzles. 

Laika: Wivvil.

Antonio: Ah, I see.

Fran: Knowledge has a price!

Antonio: Well that would explain a lot, I suppose. 

Kat: And he leans back on his stool and starts rubbing his beard in thought. 

Laika: Don’t think too hard about it. Plan any secret plans. 

Antonio: No, I just am thinking. All of our children here are especially smart—

[Surprised and delighted ‘Oh’s from Laika and Fran]

Antonio: We’ve all been—we’ve all learned very quickly how to live off the land. I mean, we’ve only lived in this town for a generation or two and we’re thriving. 

Fran: [Quietly] A little big for your britches, Antonio. 

Kat: He pounds his fist on the table once. Holds his hands in front of him. 

Antonio: Yes. Right. So. Welcome, blessed of Wivvil. 

Kat: He stands up.

Antonio: I need to go have some words with the town council. Um, we’ll get a proper altar set up and everything for worship, don’t worry. 

Fran: Uhhhhh.

Laika: Woah, woah, woah! What are ya talkin’ about?

Antonio: If Wivvil lives in out woods and is blessing out town we can’t just not—

Laika: He doesn’t care about that stuff. 

Fran: He’s just like, chilling. 

Laika: If you want to do something for Wivvil, I’m sure he would love if you read a book. He would love you to just keep learning and sharing your knowledge with others and that’s the best way you can worship.

Fran: Go to college. 

Laika: Yeah go to college. Send your kids to college. You don’t need to build an altar just keep sharing your gifts with others. 

Ka: He nods and stands up. 

Antonio: There's a room for rent here if you’d like to take a rest. 

[‘ukulele grunge’- Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Antonio: I will go speak with the town council about having reading circles of worship, that’s a great idea. 

Noel: God damn it. 

Kat:  Gods damn it. Yeah, there is a room  for rent here if you guys would like to take a long rest which I assume you do. 

Noel: Yeah. 

Sophia: We should go get out giant dogs. I telepathically say:

Laika: Gingie, c’mon. 

Kat: A few minutes later, after you guys have finished up your food—and Corbin I hope you don’t mind if I'm taking liberty for a second?

Kaitlin: Go ahead. 

Kat: Through the door comes first Zarun and then second Gingie with a pant leg in her teeth; dragging Corbin in. 

[Laughter]

Kat: And she says to you:

Gingie: I found this in the woods! I thought you might want it back!

Sophia: I run up to them and I hug them and I say:

Laika: I heard we were gone for two months. Are you guys okay?

Zarun: We were fine in the forest—

Gingie: No we were not fine! It was really scary and I don’t know how to hunt any of the things around here but then Zarun found a carcass of some big thing that was very smelly but it smelled sooo good and now we're okay. 

Fran: Wow. 

Laika: Sounds really good. 

Corbin: I was fine. 

Fran: Is your horrible skimpy armour okay? 

Corbin: [Audible winky face] It’s a little bit ripped but nobody will mind. 

Fran: [Deeply unnerved] Oh...

Kat: So when you guys go to resent a room here at the inn, the tavern keeper refuses your money. Says—

Tavern-keeper: No, no, no. I heard what you were saying. You four are the chosen of Wivvil, I’m not taking your money. 

[‘ukulele grunge’- Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing]

Fran: [Exasperated] Ohhh.

Tavern-keeper: There’s a loft upstairs. You guys are welcome to stay as long as you need to. 

Laika: We’re not chosen by Wivvil and we will pay you. 

Tavern-keeper: I will not accept your money, ma’am. Please, this way. 

Kat: And he walks away from the counter up to the ladder which leads to a loft. 

Noel: We can just leave money when we leave. 

Sophia: Yeah.

Kat: He shows you to the room that is above the tavern. It’s not really a room, it’s a loft with one large bed as well as a cot in the corner. And it’s covered in furs and blankets and looks real cozy and it overlooks the dining room of the tavern. So you guys, you catch some z’s and [Singing] bum-ba-da-da-da-da you wake up feeling stronger, wiser… more spell-slotty. 

Sophia: Can we take a bath?

Kaitlin: Yeah, is there a bath. 

Kat: Yeah. If you ask the tavern keeper he’ll heat up some water for you in a tub. 

Sophia: I want to bathe Gingie and Zarun too. 

Kat: The tavern keeper looks at you very weird for bathing you animals, like:

Tavern-keeper: Why are you doing that?

Laika: Uh, because they like it. 

Fran: Wivvil wants us to. 

Kat: At that explanation he nods and says:

Tavern-keeper: I see, I see. It’s the will of Wivvil. Will of Wivvil.

Noel: Can I get some clothes?

Sophia: [Laughing] They’re gonna bathe their animals [Unintelligible]

Noel: I would like to get normal clothes. Because I only have my white clothes, that I’m sure are disgusting now and my very fancy clothes. 

Kat: There is not a clothing shop here, but the general store sells fabrics. And when you go into the general store to ask about clothes, there's a woman in there who overhears you and when you buy your fabric she immediately takes it from you and says:

Woman: Oh don’t worry, I’ll make you something special. I’m the best seamstress in town. 

Fran: I need a fantasy cape!

Kat: Cool. This woman makes you some nice travelling clothes, Fran. You describe to her a very cool cloak and she did her best. It’s not exactly how you imagined it but it’s a cloak which has these very cool folds and gathers and it fastens on the side. It’s very dramatically sweepy. The cowl of it is huge and envelops your whole head. 

Noel: This is amazing. 

Laika: God! Fran looks so cool!

Corbin: Fran looks cooler than any of us. 

Noel: For the next whole day, I’m not gonna mention it but just know: Every time I walk, everytime I gesture, everytime I change where I’m looking at, I’m swishing. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: Can we also get cloaks that we can wear to disguise ourselves?

Kat: After you guys see Fran’s cool cloak you guys go to the seamstress woman also like ‘We also want these cool cloaks.’

Kaitlin: Yeah, we get really jealous. 

Kat: Yeah. So she makes all of you cloaks. 

Sophia: And I’m leaving fifty silver for that woman. 

Kat: Cool! So, what do you guys want to do from here? So you guys stay in town for a couple days—

Sophia: Can I replenish my antitoxin?

Kat: He does not sell antitoxin at this store. They only sell, basically, rations. 

Sophia: Is there anything else we can do?

Kat: Not really, there's not much here. There's the little general store and this little tavern and then otherwise it's just houses with people. 

Noel: Harass those people. 

Sophia: Can we—is there anything we can do to help them before we leave?

Kat: They don’t seem like they need much help. They’re doing quite well out here in the forest. 

Sophia: Cool, then we leave. 

Noel: Yeah. 

Kat: You do see as you’re leaving they are starting to construct an altar to Wivvil. 

Sophia: Oh no. 

Kat: At the entrance of the woods. 

Kaitlin: God. 

Noel: Well, what can we do? It gives them comfort. 

Kat: So, your next stop on your itinerary is to head up to the Temple of Iol. Which is the temple of Death. Iol is the Force of death, I should specify. 

Noel: The Force? Not the god?

Kat: Yeah, Iol is the Force of Death. The gods under Iol are Farah, Nweya and Besk. Farah is the Guide, Nweya is the Attendant and Besk is He Who Comes. Again, I’m gonna ask, do you want to take the road? Or do you want to try to go through the forest?

Sophia: My argument then is that we take the road, ‘cause we’ve had this positive experience with people in this town. That It'd be like ‘It’s friendly here!’

Kaitlin: Yeah. And I think now that we can speak the language I would be more willing to take the road too.

Noel: That’s true. Road?

Kaitlin: Road it is. 

[music]

Kat: And you head off. This town is pretty far off the beaten path so itakes you a little bit to get back to the road. It’s a good thing that all four of you got these cloaks because it is raining the entire time. It’s a week's journey to get to the base of the Farah Mountains and it is just miserable. Except for Fran. Fran doesn’t give a crap. 

Noel: I love it! I’m in a great mood! I’m whistling. I’m dancing in the rain. 

Kat: But for the rest of you it is cold and it is muddy and it is raining and the rain does not let up the entire week. But after a week in this awful weather you finally reach the bottom of the Farah Mountains. There is a signpost at the bottom of the mountain, which you can read now! And it says that to the north-east of where you are there is a town called Doval and pointing up the path it just says ‘The Pilgrim’s Path’. And as you are looking up it, it is fairly well maintained. Except that this mountain is very high. It is a big ass mountain. As you guys start up the steep, treacherous path it is going to be a rough hike. I’m gonna have you all roll survival checks. 

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: Nineteen.

Kaitlin: Twenty-one.

Noel: I got twelve. 

Kaitlin: I’ve amazing survival. 

Kat: Awesome. You guys do very well. You may not have the equipment or the tools for a climb like this but you have magic and that helps out a lot. You are about half way up this path when you see two figures and a donkey with a cart up a head of you. 

Sophia: I wanna say, like, ‘Hail and well met!’

Kaitlin: Yeah. I’d just be like, ‘What’s up?’

Noel: I want Corbin to turn into an animal and go scout out the situation. 

Kaitlin: I turn into a donkey. 

Sophia: That’s so suspicious! Why’s a donkey walking up a mountain by itself?

Kaitlin: To say hi to the other donkey!

Sophia: No! A dog would make more sense. 

Noel: Is there somewhere else—is there somewhere for the rest of us to hide while this donkey—

Kat: Yeah. 

Sophia: Wait, I think Laika would volunteer to go with as the person escorting the donkey. 

Kaitlin: Yeah, be my owner. 

Noel: Then we might as well just go!

Sophia: Fine, fine, I’ll wait. 

Kaitlin: But it’s even more suspicious if it’s just a donkey!

Noel: Yeah, it sure is. 

Kat: The Goddess, she comes over to you Corbin and she signs to you:

Maeri: You know, we should try and be stealthy. Maybe the better form to take right now would be that of a crow. 

Corbin: But I’ve already wasted—ugh.

Kaitlin: He groans.

Fran: The Goddess wants you to do it. Maeri said so!

Corbin: Ugh, alright!

[music ends]

Kaitlin: But I’m a donkey so it kind comes out like:

[Kaitlin makes horrible donkey noises]

Kaitlin: And I turn into a crow. 

Kat: You fly ahead and perch on a rock up ahead?

Kaitlin: On their donkey. 

Kat: ...Yeah okay. 

[Sophia and Noel make distressed noises in the background]

Kat: You go up ahead and you perch on their donkey and both the men are very startled. 

Noel: What do they look like?

Kat: They are two young men. Maybe late twenties. They are both tan with black hair. They’re wearing warm looking clothes and you can see that in the cart that this donkey is pulling is a body wrapped in white cloth. 

[Gasps]

Noel: Oh, it’s probably a funeral thing—

Sophia: [Loudly] They’re killers!

Kat: One of them grabs the others arm and clutches and says:

Unnamed Man: Palo that is an omen. We should turn back. 

Kaitlin: I open my big and I do that thing that that bird does in that video where it goes ‘Wakawakawakawaka’.

[Laughter]

Kat: The man who was—Palo, as he was called, that looks at the other man and is like,

Palo: You honestly think that's an omen?

Kaitlin: I look directly at that man and I go: 

Corbin: Wakawakawakawakawaka.

Palo: It’s just some weird bird. I heard about this. There's weird birds up in these mountains. 

Kaitlin: I fly up and I land on his head. I continue to make the noise. 

Kat: Which one? Palo or the other one?

Kaitlin: The one who was like ‘It’s no big deal.’.

Kat: Palo bats you off his head. 

Palo: Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here!

Kaitlin: I fly away but I start circling them. I land on the dead body. 

Kat: They—

Kaitlin: Yeah, I pull the cloth back with my beak. 

Kat: It is the body of a man who looks like he's a little bit younger than these two. But looks very similar to Salm, which is the other man. 

Kaitlin: Aw. Probably his brother. 

Kat: One thing you notice about this body is that it looks like there are some patches of greenish scabs coming up the neck .

Noel: Get away from there!

Kat: And they immediately both start yelling at you and shooing you away from the body. 

Kaitlin: Alright, I fly away. 

Kat: Salm shouts after:

Salm: Damn birds!

Noel: Are you gonna come back to us now?

Kaitlin: Yeah, I go back to you guys and I turn back into a human and I say:

Corbin: They seem cool. They're probably just trying to do a dead body thing with their dead brother. Funeral! That's what it's called. 

Kat: A dead body thing!

Corbin: What!?

Fran: You know what, Corbin. When you inevitably die young I am gonna  invite people to your dead body thing and I will refuse to call it a funeral. 

Corbin: Please do!

Fran: I will be making direct eye contact with your ghost. 

Laika: Corbin, imma make sure you live a long time.

Corbin: Oh, thank you Laika. 

Kat: The Goddess just pats your arm and then moves out from behind the rocks.

Fran: Let’s go! Lets go!

Kat: You guys go up to talk to them?

Noel: Yeah. 

Sophia: I’m gonna say:

Laika: Hail travellers.

Kat: They look behind them and both wave: ‘Hail! Hail travellers!’ They stop their donkey and cart and let you guys catch up to them. 

Sophia: I say:

Laika: Did you see a weird, nerdy bird?

Palo: We did actually. The birds on this mountain are so weird. We’d heard about them—

Fran: What have you heard about the nerd birds?

Kat: Palo shrugs and he says,

Palo: Not many things specifically. Just that they’re weirdly aggressive and if you go too far up the mountain—especially up the eastern side they’ll attack you. 

Fran: Typical birds!

Palo: I should introduce myself! I’m Palo and this is my husband Salm. 

Kat: Salm holds out his hand.

Sophia: We shake their hands. I try to do a cool handshake with a high five with him. 

Kat: Can you roll for that?

Sophia: Yeah, that’s charisma.

Kat: Yeah, roll a charisma check. 

Sophia: Eight.

Kat: You bungle it. You go for a high-five but he doesn't understand what you’re doing so you just boop him on the nose. 

Sophia: Alright, cool!

Palo: That was—where are you from? Is that a traditional greeting?

Laika: Just a tiefling thing. 

Noel: Do they like my hair?

Kat: Do you have your hood up?

Noel: Yes. 

Kat: They don’t notice your hair. 

Noel: Do they like my blue skin?

Kat: They have not commented on it and actually are kind of avoiding looking at you. 

Noel: Fran’s used to that. 

Laika: We’re sorry for your loss. What brings you up this mountain?

Salm: Well, our loss. This is my brother.

Kat: Salm says, putting a hand on the cart. 

Salm: There was a plague that came from some monsters near our village and he… didn’t get better. He always wanted to be buried up at Farah’s Temple, so we decided to make the trip. Weather hasn’t been the greatest but at least for this long climb we’re not dealing with the rain. 

Laika: It’s a kind thing you’re doing. 

Kat: Salm nods and Palo puts an arm around his shoulders and gives him a little squeeze. A little side hug. 

Laika: Where’s your village? What brought this on?

Salm: Oh, we’re from not too far south of here. Wolf Cliff—we—there was a… it came from the Long Castle. All these sorts of things always do. I don’t know what it is about that cursed place but monsters spawn there all the time. 

Kat: Their eyes—eventually—as they’re explaining this their eyes sort of finally trail to the wolves that are behind you and Salm grabs Palo’s arm and he’s like freaking out silently. 

Sophia: Laika notices and says:

Laika: Oh, don’t worry. They’re friends. 

Salm: [Whispering] Are those wolves?

Laika: Yeah. 

Kat: And they look at each other—

Salm: Oh my gods…

Palo: Gods be…

Salm: Those are extinct! Where did you find wolves!?

Sophia: Oh fuck. 

[Laughter in background]

Laika: Are there canines?

Salm: What?

Laika: Like, coyotes?

Salm: I mean, sure. Down in the deserts. 

Laika: Alright, so there could be wolves elsewhere too. 

Kaitlin: No. 

Salm: No one’s seen wolves in thousands of years. 

Laika: Well yeah…

Fran: Like two thousand years, probably…

Palo: The cliffs near our town have drawings of wolves, that’s where it gets its name. We have seen these depictions, they’re beautiful. Never seen… can I—

Kat: And this is Palo speaking.

Palo: Can I pet it?

Laika: Uhhh, let me ask. 

Palo: Wait, you need to ask? Do they speak!?

Laika: Not in the normal—

Fran: Not to you. 

Laika: Not in the normal fashion, I can understand they’re body language. 

Sophia: So I look to them and I ask, telepathically, Gingie is it okay. 

Kat: Gingie immediately runs up to Palo and starts butting her head against his legs and his hands. Shes looking for those but scritches.

Noel: [Laughs] Yeah.

Laika: She likes treats. 

Kat: So as—Palo, he gets down on her level, he squats down—she starts giving her the best—rubbing her face, scratching her butt, giving her the best pets. And Salm rummages in the wagon and find a little bag of jerky and he give sher a piece of jerky. And they are just loving it. 

Sophia: I beckon to Zarun to come forward. 

Kat: Yeah, after a minute— Zarun’s been hanging back and finally he comes over and he just sorta walks into Palo until he edges Gingie out and then just sits down in front of him and accepts the love. Accepts the pets.

[Wild laughter]

Noel: I love Zarun so much!

Kaitlin: Zarun is like the best old, giant, reserved dog ever. 

Sophia: I say,

Laika: Zarun, you really like those pets, huh?

Zarun: You don’t pet me. 

[Kaitlin laughs]

Laika: [Whiny] I pet you all the time, Grandpa!

[Laughter]

Laika: Grandpa!

Paulo: Is that his name? Grandpa?

Laika: Yeah! He’s my Grandpa!

Fran: His name is Zarun. Which is Grandpa in our language. 

Paulo: Where are you from?

Fran: Uhh… Deer’s Cliff. 

[Snorts and laughter]

Paulo: Do you mean Deer Bay?

Fran: Uh huh. No. 

Kaitlin: Hey, deer Bae? Get it?

Paulo: Well, we would greatly appreciate the extra company and protection. I hope I’m not assuming—

Kat: Paulo says.

Paulo:—but you guys look like you're pretty well armed and these paths can be dangerous.

Fran: Yeah, I’m well armed. 

Noel: And I flex my incredibly scrawny arms. 

Kat: So you guys start heading up the road with Palo, Salm and the donkey and cart. 

Sophia: While we're heading up I pet Zarun and I’m like,

Laika: I pet you all the time. 

Kat: He’s eating it up, he loves it. 

Kaitlin: Zarun…

Kat: It was all a lie! It was all a ploy! 

Sophia: Well it worked!

Kat: A little further up the path the—god, how big is your group now? The lot of you, all of you, come to a huge waterfall. And Salm and Palo they look at each other and then they take out a map and then they shake their head. 

Salm: This isn’t supposed to be here. 

Kat: Salm says. 

Salm: This is just supposed to be a stream and a bridge that goes over it. We’re far enough in the summer, the spring melts shouldn’t have done this. 

Kat: But there is in front of you a huge waterfall that has completely crushed the bridge that used to go over it. Probably about a hundred feet across. It is coming down the mountain steep from a cliff above you. Crashing down over to where you see there's the ruins of where there used to be a bridge but the force of the water has completely decimated it and it is flowing further down the mountain. How do you guys wanna get across?

Sophia: So—

Noel: Are there any trees?

Kat: No. 

Kaitlin: Is it like the waterfall’s going straight down or is it like the waterfall’s going down and then over a little and then straight down?

Kat: Second one. 

Kaitlin: I have a spell called Water Walk. 

Kat: Keep in mind, though, you also, because you are travelling with—

Noel: It’s moving really fast. 

Kat: Yeah, it’s moving very fast. 

Sophia: Wolves and a cart with a dead body. 

Kat: Yeah. Cart, donkey, wolves. 

Kaitlin: Okay so here's the spell: spell grants the ability to move across any liquid surface - such as water, acid, mud, snow, quicksand, or lava - as if it were harmless solid ground.  Up to ten willing creatures I can see within range gain this ability for the duration which is one hour. 

Noel: Oh my god, Corbin, do it!

Corbin: I have an ability. Uhhm, that might come in handy—it's a regular, normal ability that many people have. Uhh, I suppose—I don’t know—It would be effective. It has one downside… it might be difficult to get the cart with us across. But the body could come. 

Kat: Palo and Salm look at each other.

Paulo: If we leave the cart then we have to carry the body the rest of the way up the mountain. 

Fran: Could we lay him on top of your donkey anyway?

Paulo: I guess… I mean—

Fran: Or maybe on the back of one of the wolves?

Kaitlin: Gingies huge. She’s a steed. 

Kat: They look at each other uncertainly. And then Salm says:

Salm: I guess we are also worried about the plague. We don’t want anybody to get sick. 

Fran: Oh…

Salm: We’ve done our best to clean the body but we don’t have any sort of protections with us for dealing with it. We figured the tieflings up at the temple were going to… be able to help us. 

Kaitlin: [Quietly] Tieflings… at the temple. 

Laika: I’m not concerned about that. My wolf, Gingie, is unaffected by disease. 

Salm: Oh, I didn’t realise that wolves weren't affected by diseases. 

Laika: Ah, not all wolves. Gingie’s a particular case. She has a very strong immune system. 

Salm: Oh okay, I guess. 

Sophia: And I look to Gingie and I say:

Laika: Are you okay to carry him across?

Gingie: [Sounding like the english dub of a plucky anime protagonist] I am ready!

[Delighted giggles over Gingie’s cuteness]

Kat: As she says that she squares off and stands with her paws evenly spaced apart. Very ready. 

Sophia: Aw, she’s the cutest wolf alive. 

Noel: That is cute. 

Fran: Remember that time we all got the shits and Gingie didn’t get them at all?

Corbin: I’ll never forget that time. I got the shits so bad. 

Laika: I didn’t get the shits. 

Fran: Laika got the shits worse than anyone. 

Corbin: Yeah, she had the worst of the shits. 

Laika: You guys are shits. 

Noel: Okay, do you wanna cast the spell?

Kaitlin: Yeah. I cast Water Walk on all of us. Everybody present, including the dead body. 

Kat: Who’s gonna be the first person who's gonna attempt to cross?

Kaitlin: I’ll do it becuase if I get swept away I just turn into a fuckin’ bird and fly off. 

Noel: Yeah, good idea. 

Kat: Good idea, good idea. So when you step onto the water you find that you are able to step but your footing is not good because the water is moving super, super fast. 

Kaitlin: That’s fair. 

Noel: So Corbin is going? And he’s making—

Kaitlin: Yeah I’m going first anyways. 

Noel: So as long as you’re walking, let’s all stay close to each other then. 

Sophia: I’m gonna go last too. 

Kat: Yeah, let’s decide the order that you guys want to cross in. So it’s gonna be Corbin…

Kaitlin: Yeah I’ll go first. 

Noel: One of the dudes. 

Kat: One of the dudes. So probably Salm, we’ll say. 

Noel: One of the wolves. 

Kat: Wolf. We’ll say Zarun. And then it is the Goddess. 

Noel: Me. 

Kat: Fran, Palo. 

Noel: Gingie. 

Kat: Gingie with the body. And then…

Kaitlin: Do you wanna brace Gingie a little bit? In case she loses her footing and the body falls off and flies away?

Kat: Well yeah, do you wanna tie it down?

Sophia: Do you want me to roll for that?

[music starts]

Kat: Yeah, roll a—what did I have you roll [Unintelligible]

Noel: I think survival.

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: I did terribly!

Kaitlin: Oh no. 

Kat: Oh good, I’m glad you rolled. 

Sophia: I’m actually gonna ask for assistance. I say—

Kaitlin: I’m really good at survival, I’ll help you. I’ll come—I step on the water and I say:

Corbin: It’s walkable but it's very hard to keep you footing. 

Kaitlin: And then I come back and I help you with this fucking knot. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: That’s twelve plus seven. 

Kat: That’s good. So you all walk in a line across the torrent of water. But this isn’t—it’s not a calm lake. Or just a river with a current. It’s extremely choppy and it’s fast and you’re all gonna have to make dex saves to stay up. 

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: I got ten!

Kaitlin: I got fifteen. 

Kat: Okay. 

Noel: That’s seventeen. 

Kat: Okay. Corbin, Zarun, Maeri and Fran. You all do okay keeping your footing as the water rushes beneath you. However, Salm, Gingie and the donkey, Palo and Laika? Ehh… the water’s just too rough. And one by one you each fall down into the waterfall rushing over the edge of the cliff.

[outro music]

Kat: ...don’t think she has anything that can cure poison. 

[A horrible shuffling noise commences]

Noel: She should. 

Kat: She doesn’t.

Sophia: But she should. 

Kaitlin: If she’s got cleric stuff she should. 

Sophia: I think you should say she heals him for poison. 

Kat: Guys, I’m about to [The noise makes it hard to hear what Kat says]the game that I set up. Jesus. You’re telling me—

Kaitlin: Kat I think that you should just make Falen stop running and hand the stuff over to us and cure him—

Noel: Kat, just do it!

Kat: No! I actually made a fucking character sheet for her and I picked out her spells and unfortunately I was a fool and did not pick out anything that can cure posion. 

Noel: Well when she levels up she better get a poison curing spell. 

Kaitlin: Yeah, she better. 

[fade to music]