Dames & Dragons 16. Into Avelis (Part 7)

Our Guardians discover ever more confusing details about the life of the Goddess, arrive at Fang Lake, and fight for their right to big swords. Most memorable of all, Mashing Mawson and his Meal Monkey return.

✂️ Ep. 16 Outtakes & Extras ✂️ 

  🌎 WEBSITE: legendlark.com
  🔒 PATREON: patreon.com/legendlark
  🛒 STORE: legendlark.store
  🎶 SOUNDTRACK: noelshiri.bandcamp.com
  👍 SOCIAL MEDIA: tumblr // twitter // discord

Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 16 – Into Avelis (Part 7)

Sophia: Who would like to be the guy that starts to show?

Kat: You just did. 

Kaitlin: Nose goes.

[Laughter]

Noel: Sophia!

Sophia: I don’t have anything!

Kaitlin: I don't either

Kat: Just start saying words.

Sophia: [Hesitantly] So, I went to a pretty cool chicken nugget restaurant... with my buddies and one of my buddies, her name starts with Kaitlin, bit into a lemon while making direct eye contact with me. Which I find-

Kat: Upsetting?

Sophia: A nightmare. Just the worst thing.

Kat: Just horrible. 

Sophia: Just an awful thing to see. 

[Kaitlin ‘mmm’s]

Sophia: So as we were leaving; Kaitlin was behind me; I was gonna turn around and keep the door shut so she couldn't open it because I'm very tall and strong and Kaitlin's frail and only two inches tall. 

[Kaitlin makes an agreeing ‘Mm-Hm’ noise]

Sophia: So- make life difficult for her. But instead I realised I was closing the door on a family. A man and his very cute little girls. And so I immediately stopped and I said sorry and his reaction was to glare at me and say: ‘Yeah.’ 

Noel: Fuck you!

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ -Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) beings playing] 

Sophia: Yes. It was an overreaction. I said sorry, clearly seeing that it was a joke And I was trying to play a prank on my friend, whom he had budged in front of.

Kaitlin: Yeah, he did.

Sophia: Yeah.

Katilin: That's true. He pushed me to the ground and his three little children walked on top of me.

Sophia: And Kaitlin is only two inches tall. 

Kaitlin: I am very short.

Noel: I thought he only had two children?

Kaitlin: He had four!

Kat: I thought he had five children.

Sophia: He had eight children and they all trampled on me as well.

 Noel: Quantum children.

Sophia: So, anyways. In Minnesota it’s very impolite not to hold a door for someone and I will be going to jail for my crime.

Noel: We’ll miss Sophia but we're going to have to replace her with that guy and his hundred children.

[Brief cross talk before multiple groans of displeasure]

Kat: Let’s play some DND.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ -Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) plays and then fades out] 

Kat: Hi. [Changes to a considerably brighter tone] Hi! I'm Kat, I am your DM.

Noel: Hi I'm Noel and I'm gonna leave in the part where you changed your whole demeanor.

[Laughter]

Sophia: Like a robot!

Kaitlin: That was crazy.

Noel: And I play Fran.

Sophia: [In a robot voice] Hello. I. Am. Sophia!

Kaitlin: No.

Kat: I work a phone customer service job. Yes I do change my entire personality based on whether I'm being recorded or not.

Sophia: And I play Laika and I am a tiefling paladin.

Kat: Who are you?

Kaitlin: That’s a great question. I'm Katilin, probably. I might also be Kat’s Dad. And I play Corbin who is a human druid.

Kat: So last time you guys talked with the professors from Madira, who told you Torva’s destruction of the world below- now known as Avelis. You know what it’s called now. It did not wipe out all mortal life and that there were three other apocalyptic events of this type. 

Laika and Corbin, you guys made an oath to kill all the gods. You explored the city and you found a abandoned and desecrated Temple of the Vioni and Fran found a water temple. Fran also revealed that she believes her mentor was Torva in disguise and tried to leave the party, but was convinced to stay through the power of friendship. 

So now you guys are headed out of Danmar you have made it through the incredibly long line to get out of the city. Gingie and Zarun are waiting for you guys. Gingie’s very happy to see you, Laika. 

[Sophia ‘Aww’s]

Kat: She jumps up, puts her paws on your shoulders and licks your face a lot.

Sophia:I jump up and lick her face in response.

Kat: Zarun gives you a polite sniff of the butt. 

Sophia: I return the favour. 

Kat: Nice.

Sophia: Oh, I think I got treats for them.

Kat: They appreciate the treats. Gingie eats hers in one bite and then she whines because she wants more.

Sophia: I give her another one.

Kat: Do you have another one?

Sophia: I stocked up for the trip.

Kat: Oh okay. Zarun, he savors his because he knows that only good boys get treats. 

Sophia: I’m like,

Laika: Gingie, he has a point. 

Kat: Good. Good.

Noel: Before we go, now but I'm not leaving the party, I’ll put everybody’s stuff in my bag of holding. Because I thought I was sending them off with my horse before.

Kat: Nice. So you guys are off. You have your map. We've got three people on horseback, one person on wolfback and you guys are headed north. You said you wanted to go to Fang Lake, correct?

Noel: Yeah because that's the one on the way to Torva’s Jaw.

Kat: Yeah, sort of. It’s up to the- it's on the way to the Temple of Iol, which is where you need to go before you go to Torva’s Jaw. Fang Lake is about a day's ride north of where you are now and you are starting out late in the day.

[‘don't know don't know don't know’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) beings playing]

Kat: Which is smart for the desert but you guys are actually heading away from the desert. So you guys ride for a few hours before the landscape changes from that hard packed earth to more lush grass and greenery. The road that you are taking follows one of the canyons up, as the scenery changes from desert to greenery. And you can see to the north and west of you there is a large forest. 

The road ahead continues through a valley, which is mostly just grassland. The forest, which is where you’ll need to head for Fang Lake, that slopes upward in a small hilly knoll. Towards the Pogswoods, is what is marked on your map. But by the time you get to the edge of the forest to the edge of the forest it is nighttime. Do you want to proceed or would you like to wait until morning?

Noel: Uhhhhh, I think we should wait. 

Kaitlin: Yeah.

Sophia: Yep, set up camp. 

Noel: Cool.

Sophia: I will take first watch. 

Noel: Laika, Fran gives you a hug. 

[A moment of stunned silence]

Sophia: Oh- wha- why?

Noel: And then just goes to sleep. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: Laika’s too shocked to react but she like, thinks about it. She's like:

Laika: Wow!

Kaitlin: I have-

Sophia: All night long, as she's sitting out looking into the darkness, she's like:

Laika: Wow!

Noel: And Corbin? Fran takes back your part of the bandolier.

Kaitlin: Oh. 

Noel: She puts them away. 

Kat: So, Laika takes first watch.

[Rolls a die]

Kat: Alright. So who takes second watch?

[‘don't know don't know don't know’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing]

Kaitlin: I guess I will because Sophies just staring at me.

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: So wake me up Laika.

Sophia: I wake Corbin up. 

Kat: Laika, when you go to bed, Gingie- she curls up around you and Zarun cuddles in on the other side so you are spooning between two wolves.

Sophia: Ah, my heaven.

Kat: I know. Corbin! During your watch…

[Rolls die]

Kat: Okay. So your watch is uneventful. And Fran. 

Noel: Uh oh.

Kat: I mean- unless the Goddess takes a watch.

Noel: I’ll take the next watch and I sit up inside my bed roll. Just with my little head peeking out. And I'm looking around.

Kaitlin: Do you wake up without me having to wake you up? Do you just naturally arise when it's time?

Noel: Yes. I just sit up like a vampire from a coffin.

Kaitlin: Well as you do that, I lie down.

Kat: It’s just in sync. 

Noel: Very creepy-

Kaitlin: Completely in sync.

Noel: Horrible.

[Someone says ‘I hate this.’]

Kat: [Rolls die] Alright. Fran, your watch is also uneventful. So then it’s the Goddess’ watch.

Sophia: Do you wake up the Goddess?

Noel: Oh yeah. I’ll just shake her awake. 

Kat: Yeah, she wakes up. 

Noel: And then I lay down again just as I arose. 

Kat: You roll over, shake her a little bit and roll back over asleep before she's even fully awake. 

Noel: Yeah, I do not check if she’s awake and actually knows what I want. I’m asleep before she can say a word.

Kaitlin: Or sign a word as the case may be. 

Kat: Yeah.

Noel: That’s true.

Kaitlin: Thank you. 

Kat: So. Just before dawn, all three of you are awoken by a huge tremor that shakes the Earth. And when you wake up, as you look around to see what could have caused that, it's very readily apparent. Because there’s a huge spike of earth, theres still trees on it even, that's been flicked up, and is jutting out of the ground. And the Goddess is standing in front of it and she looks terrified.

Fran: What the heck? Did she do that?

Corbin: You’re so strong, Maeri.

[Laughter]

Fran: Maeri, that’s incredible. 

Laika: Maeri my-... Maeri. 

[Laughter]

Kat: The Goddess looks back at the three of you and signs:

Maeri: I heard a noise. And- I don’t know what happened- I just tried to make a light. 

Fran: You kicked the shit out of that noise, Maeri.

Maeri: I don’t know why that happened. I was just trying to make a light. I-

Fran: You sure it was you?

Maeri: I’m pretty sure. I-

Laika: Do it again!

Kat: So she does. She casts light and her hand glows the way it should.

[Rolls die]

Kat: And then a tree explodes.

Laika: Huh. You-

Corbin: Daaaaaamn.

Fran: [Very enthusiastically] Maeri that's so cool. 

Corbin: Maeri you’re crazy strong. 

Fran: You’re out crazy friend. 

[Laughter]

Corbin: We’ll call you Crazy Maeri.

Kat: She shakes her head. She's shaking her head.

Maeri: That is- I did not make that happen. That is not what I wanted to happen.

Fran: Yeah!

Laika: Wildcard Maeri strikes again.

Corbin: That is so cool.

Laika: What kind of pranks is she gonna get up to next?

Fran: As a magic user who's made a lot of mistakes: Maeri, this is probably just an extremely cool thing that will go away if you practice your little spells for a while. You've never been away from Estra, which was draining a lot of your magical power, so you probably just need to recalibrate. But don't do it too fast because this is amazing.

Laika: Do another one!

Fran: Again! Again!

Corbin: Do it again! Do it again!

Kat: Alright. So she casts, I guess she just casts light again, that's a cantrip.

[Rolles die]

Kat: This time a jet of hot steam erupts from the ground.

Noel: Where is it?

Kat: Just a little ways away from you guys.

Corbin: You guys I will say one thing did just occur to me. What if we are standing on top of a supervolcano and this is just really poorly well-timed and we're all about to die.

Fran:... Poorly well timed?

Corbin: You know! Like- it’s a coincidence. 

Fran: Oh…

Kat: The horses are all, at this point, freaking ou0,t by the way.

Noel: That's fair.

Fran: Well regardless of whether there's a supervolcano, if steam comes out of the ground and we’re standing where that steam is, that wouldn't be great. But Maeri would never do that, right?

Noel: And I look at the Goddess.

Kat: The Goddess shakes her head and phatically, ‘No, no.’ and she signs again. 

Maeri: I don’t know why this is happening. 

Laika: Well I think Fran’s theory is probably correct. You are a god. Have you ever exercised your power before?

Kat: She shrugs. She signs,

Maeri: Yes. All the time, constantly on Estra. I was using my power to keep the island aflot. That was most of what I did. All of those days of prayer were to keep the island up.

Fran: But have you ever used your powers to fight? Have you ever used them for anything other than healing? Or managing Estra?

Kat: She shakes her head and signs,

Maeri: No. That’s why I had Guardians. So I didn’t have to use my powers for fighting. 

Laika: Have gods always been limited in their powers? Like, can the god of fire only exercise his or her powers of fire?

Kat: She shrugs. 

Maeri: I don’t know. I’ve never met another god. 

Laika: For you, is there- are there things you can… can’t do?

Kat: Again, she shrugs. 

Maeri: I wasn’t really trained to do more than- I know how to use my powers to make protections and I know how to use my powers to heal people. I know how to make a sending but I’ve never had to fight. I dont- I don’t even know how I would even channel my powers in that way.

Fran: Lucky for you, you’re with three total badasses now, Maeri. And we’re gonna teach you how to use your power for destruction.

Kaitlin: Corbin-

Laika: Kill all the gods.

Kaitlin: Corbin leans into Laika and says,

Corbin: Fran just totally called me a badass.

[Laughter] 

Sophia: Laika’s like, 

Laika: I know. I heard, just be cool. We have to both be cool.

Corbin: Ohh, I’m freakin’ out.

Sophia: I say,

Laika: She hugged me last night.

Corbin: God, she hugged all of us.

Noel: Fran is pretending she can't hear, but she can.

[Laughter]

Kat: So are you guys-

Sophia: I do wanna ask- I want to ask,

Laika: Zarun, is there anything you know about Kai?

Kat: Mmm. Zarun how to run off to sniff around the exploded tree and the jet of earth and everything. But he comes back when you call for him.

Zarun: Mmm. I know the name but... it is a name of antiquity .

Laika: What can she do? What are her powers?

Zarun: I cannot speak to the specifics of her powers. We did not train the Goddess much in the ways of the Wolf clan. Her powers were trained mostly by the Deer and Crow.

Kat: And he looks at the Goddess and says,

Zarun: But we taught you in the ways of the forest. We taught you to run and to hunt and track.

Kat: And the Goddess nods and signs,

Maeri: Yes, you taught me all of that.

Kat: And Zarun says,

Zarun: So you know how to fight, my Goddess. It is only a matter of if you are willing to use that training.

Noel: Does the Goddess get retrained every time she’s reborn?

Kat: That's a good question. Yes and no. Because each time it's a new body, so each time the body has to be retrained. But normally the goddess retains the mental knowledge of how to do all of this so they've never had to teach her how.

Sophia: So just like, build her strength, basically?

Kat: Yeah. The Wolf clan does all the physical training of her body, toughens her soles so she can run further. And the Crow clan and the Deer clan are more responsible for her spiritual training. Training in her magic. Particularly, the Deer clan teaches her how to shape raw energy into magic. Whereas the Crow clan teaches her more of the nature magic.

Noel: So I am gonna ask,

Fran: Zarun, you trained the Goddess? Did you know that she doesn't have her memories?

Zarun: We suspected as much but it is not until recently that you have-

Kat: And he looks at the Goddess as he says this,

Zarun: -you have only recently found your voice. It is good to see you speak so freely among your friends.

[Little ‘aw’s]

Kaitlin: That’s cute. 

Sophia: Does the Goddess say anything.

Noel: So to speak.

Kat: The Goddess- she doesn’t say anything to that. She just sort of shrugs and shuffles a little.

Kaitlin: She’s embarrassed.

Kat: Yeah.

Kaitlin: I get it. I'm constantly embarrassed by my own emotions.

[Laughter]

Sophia: All of us.

Kaitlin: All of us.

Kat: Bunch of teens who don't know how to express themselves.

Noel: And adults.

Kat: And adults. 

[Brief cross talk]

[Laughter]

Kat: So after you’ve calmed down your horses and your wolvess and packed up your camp, you are off into the woods. Pogswoods is- it's very pleasant. It's a sunny day. It's still pretty hot here but it's definitely nowhere near the scorching heat of the desert that you've just been in. All the trees are just starting to leaf out, it's early spring. Some of the bushes that you passed by, they have flowers on them. And actually I'm gonna have you guys make survival checks. You're pretty good at the woods, so it’s a pretty low check. 

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: I got eighteen. 

Sophia: Ninteen.

[Brief pause]

Noel:... Five.

[Giggles]

Kat: Oh, I’ll have the Goddess roll. 

Kaitlin: This is in character. 

Oh shit, the Goddess rolled a natural twenty.

[Various ‘Whoa’s]

Noel: She got inspired. 

Kat: Yeah. The Goddess, Corbin and Laika you guys are all totally fine navigating these woods. Fran, however, it just seems like it’s every single root in the road that you horse is tripping on. And low hanging branches just hit you straight in the face left and right. Bugs start biting you, biting flies are coming out and they don't seem to be going for anybody else, except for you.

Kaitlin: Standing water. Mosquitoes.

Kat: Actually yeah some mosquitos-

Noel: I actually am standing water.

Kaitlin: Exactly.

[Laughter]

Kat: Some mosquitos come to lay eggs in your hair and you have to swat them away. But after about half a day, you guys make it to Fang Lake.

Sophia: Fang-tastic!

Kaitlin: Perfect delivery.

[‘Creepy Peaceful Space (Extended)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Kat: Perfect. It is a long, narrow lake filled with greenish water. And surrounding this lake are ruins. Moss is growing on these huge broken columns that dot the shoreline. the columns that are still whole, you see, have ornate steel shields decorating them. and although most of the paint has worn away, there are still patches where you can see that this one's very brightly painted.

Going across the lake there are big chunks of stone that stick out of the water; the remains of a bridge that used to span across the lake. And that's the end of this broken bridge, there is a big stone pedestal on the north side of the lake.

There is a broken archway above this stone pedestal and you can see on the ground next to it there is a very ornate stone shield. More decorated than any of the others that are still hanging up.

Noel: And this is on the opposite side of the lake than where we are?

Kat: Yes. You’re coming-

Noel: But we can still see it?

Kat: Yes. You’re coming from the south side of the lake. The pedestal and this huge shield are on the north side. I'm gonna have you make perception checks. 

[Dice rolling]

Noel: Okay, I’m doing my perception check specifically on the lake. 

[‘Creepy Peaceful Space (Extended)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing]

Kat: Okay.

Kaitlin: Oh god. 

Sophia: Fourteen. 

Kaitlin: Nine.

Noel: Fourteen. 

Kat: Alright. Corbin, you don't see shit. You are distracted as you see a flock of birds flying overhead.

Kaitlin: [Reluctant but accepting] Yeah… I try to say ‘Hi’ to them.

Kat: They don't respond. They honk at you, in fact.

[Kaitlin gasps, delighted]

Kaitlin: [Excitedly] I try to honk back!

[Kaitlin makes a honk noise]

Kat: They fly away in a V formation. 

Kaitlin: Ooooooh, I know what those birds are. 

[Laughter]

Kat: They’re big old meanies.

Kaitlin: They’re poop birds.

Kat: But, Laika and Fran. You see that in all of these stone shields and columns, there are indents that- it looks like there used to be something in these indents. Probably some sort of metal work or jewels. And you can see there are huge scratches around these indents where they have been pried out by somebody. You also notice, near that pedestal on the other side of the lake, you can't see it very well from where you are, but there is a patch of earth that looks like it's been recently disturbed.

Fran: What about the lake itself?

Kat: You don't see anything in the lake. The Goddess, by the way, she stays behind the three of you. And she signs,

Maeri: I hope that you are not offended that I think it would be best if I stay back.

Laika: What do you mean?

Kat: She motions towards the ruins of the lake. Says, 

Maeri: This is clearly the temple of another god and we don't know how sensitive they are. Clearly Torva, at least, can track my divine presence and I don't want to make our presence more known here than is necessary.

Sophia: I ask Zarun if he will stay with her. 

Zarun: Of course. It is my duty to protect the Goddess at all times. 

Sophia: I kiss my grandpa wolf on the cheek. 

Kat: So they post up a little bit further into the woods, a ways away from where you guys are. 

Sophia: What’s the difference from- there's a bridge that goes-

Kat: The bridge used to go directly from where you are at the south side of the lake to the northern pedestal. However, it’s broken into several chunks and there’s parts of it that have sunken completely into the lake and other parts that are- you know. It’s not a clear shot across anymore.

Sophia: Cool! So should we go across the lake? Or should we go around?

Kaitlin: I know that Corbin made a really low perception check, but I definitely vote for not going into the lake. Especially if it’s green and we can’t see anything. 

Noel: Ah, ah, ah. Fran is gonna argue with you.

Kaitlin: I know she is!

Noel: Frand definitely wants to go in the lake.

Kaitlin: Corbin turns to Fran and he says:

Corbin: There's only one way you weren't getting me inside going near that lake and it is if you go in there, and you swim around and you make sure there's no Loch Ness-

Fran: Done!

Corbin: -monsters.

Noel: I jump in the lake. 

Corbin: Do it! Go!

Kat: Ok cool, I'm going to have you make another perception check.

Noel: Oh no..

Kaitlin: Yeah! Because there's a monster in there and I know it!

[Laughter]

Sophia: Waters dangerous.

Noel: And now we get to fight it. That’s thirteen.

Kat: Okay. And then I'm also going to have you make ah- just do a straight dex check.

[Noel laughs nervously]

Kaitlin: Yup! Yup!

Noel: That’s a thirteen as well. 

Kat: Ok. You swim through this green, silty water and you can't see very far underneath. You notice right away that there are no fish in this lake, there is not even any seaweed growing in there. It's just green and algae and it sticks to your skin in a really unpleasant way.

Noel: I hate it.

Kat: It almost feels more like slime than water.

Kaitlin: Oh no.

Kat: And you're really not able to see anything until you're about or most of the other side of the lake when you see something. If you had breath in the water it will take it away. At the bottom of the lake there is a long withered body of a tentacle abomination, which is half on the land in half in the water. At first you don't know what this is and you'll see the tentacles moving on the water but you realise it's just the current moving these tentacles. And as you pop up onto land and you get a closer look at this thing, it has been dead for a very very long time. 

The skin is dry and papery on land, the skin under water is flaking off and rotting. And it's been dragged up onto that pedestal and there is a trail of blood.

Noel: And I'm now at the north side of the lake?

Kat: Yeah.

Sophia: Is the blood fresh?

Kat: No, it is old. It looks like it’s very old.

Kaitlin: Is it this thing's blood or is it somebody else's blood?

Kat: Thats a good question.

Noel: I wave to you guys from the other side of the lake. And I shout,

Fran: C’mon in! The waters great! Not like, objectively, though.

Kaitlin: Corbin just realised that he can turn into a bird and he turns into a bird and flies over the lake.

Sophia: Laika gets on Gingie and they walk around the lake. 

Kat: Laika, on your way around the lake. You're coming up to the carcass of this thing when Gingie yelps and she steps back because she stepped on something that cracked under her paw. And you get off her back to look at it and it is a humanoid skeleton.

Sophia: [Worried] I check her paw, is her paw okay?

Kat: Yeah it okay. It’s a little bit cut. 

Sophia: Does she need healing?

Kat: No she didn’t take any real damage.

Kaitlin: I want to say that I'm still a crow and I'm not turning back into a human.

Noel: Do you land on anything?

Kaitlin: I land on your head.

[Laughter]

Noel: My head is now that nasty green water.

Kaitlin: On, I get off immediately. And I crow in agony. 

[Kaitlin makes and agonised crow noise]

Kaitlin: That’s… that’s what I do. 

Fran: Fran laughs and quaffs her hair into a pompadour. 

[Laughter]

Sophia: I hate that, but I love it. So I would obviously like to investigate this skeleton.

[Sophia rolls dice]

Sophia: Oh, I got a two. So I'm just like ‘Whatever.’. But I do say,

Laika: Hey guys I found some cool chew toys.

Noel: I walk over and I take out my magnifying glass that I bought at The Oasis market and I-

Fran: What seems to be the problem?

Kat: Well, there's two skeletons on the ground.

Noel: I see those and I go ‘Whooooa.’

Kat: So Gingie stepped on one and there's a second one not too far from it. A cursory glance tells you that one of them was likely killed by decapitation because it's head is not connected to its body.

Sophia: I pick up it’s skull and I say, 

Laika: [Dramatically] Alas, poor Yorik. 

[One reluctant chuckle]

Kat: And no one un-

Corbin: Who’s Yorik?

Fran: N- Not Rick. Not Yorik.

Laika: My Rick.

Corbin: Nodrig. 

Kat: So as you guys are making these bad jokes I'm gonna have you make some- another set of perception checks.

Noel: Can I do an investigation check on-

Kat: Oh yeah, investigation check on the skeleton first if you want.

Kaitlin: Oh y'all, I just rolled a nat twenty for that perception check, fyi.

Kat and Noel: Nice.

Sophia: I got ten for perception. 

Noel: Eight.

Kaitlin: I got… [dice rolling] Eleven for the investigation. 

Kat: Okay. What you notice when you're investigating the skeletons is that they don't have any equipment on them.

Noel: They have clothes?

Kat: Nope. These are naked skeletons. Laika and Fran,You guys are investigating the skeletons and you're saying to each other how odd it is. Like, where is all their equipment, it shouldn't have rotted away, it would have been metal. No matter how old the skeletons are.

Sophia: I say, 

Laika: I think they were just naked. 

Kat: As you are talking about that, Corbin. You are- you’re still a crow right?

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Kat: So you're just flying around up there. And you notice coming out of the water, there are these horrors. They have hard, green carapaces and two arms with massive serrated pincers. Red tentacles spill from their mouths- or what you think are their mouths because you can't tell even if this is a face that you’re looking at. They have another two sets of limbs they are using as legs and long fishtails.

Sophia: Is it called a Cuthulu?

Kat: No, it’s just called a chuul.

Sophia: So Cthulhu.

Kaitlin: So Cthulhu. 

Kat: You see these as they come up behind Laika and Fran. And one of the chuuls has a white sword with a glittering gold hilt stuck in it’s carapace.

[Party gasps]

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) plays, fades out.]

Noel: [As she is speaking there is a shaking noise] Hello and welcome to the interlude. Today I'm joined by my nephew Max, who’s shaking a canister of dice. He loves to do it. Max, do you have anything to say? 

[Max continues to shake the dice]

Noel: Effusive.

[Cluttering sound moving away from mic]

Noel: You dropped it. Today I would like to thank our iTunes listeners.

[Reads lists of iTunes reviewers]

Noel: Thank you all so much for your reviews and ratings. It really, really, really, really, really, actually, really does help us. Especially you, Abscome, who will apparently never play D&D in a normal way ever again. 

[Max makes a baby noise]

Noel: As you said that you’ll never be able to play a character that doesn’t have a nipple-chafing boob window or a proclivity for massive dumps. Max, you can’t learn words yet, right? 

[Max doesn’t respond]

Noel: Cool! I also want to thank our new Patreon subscribers.

[Reads list of Patreon subscribers]

Noel: We are so blessed and pleased to have you as part of our patreon family and we hope that you like the content we have there.

[Max makes more baby noises]

Noel: What else do you think about the patreon donors?

[Max makes noises into the microphone]

Noel: Oh, Max. That’s so real. And now for a word from the lovely and talented Venture Maidens.

[Pre-recorded trailer for Venture Maidens plays]

[Noel reads an ad for Audible]

Noel: And now for- as Max jumps like a crazy man in my arms- now for a word to Chantel.

Kat: Chantel. The code word is: Al-lo-ley-lola.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) (interlude music) plays, fades out.]

Kat: Corbin. Because you rolled a natural twenty on that perception you have the first move in initiative. So you have one round before anybody else.

Kaitlin: Okay. I actually had this planned, ‘cause this is why I stayed bird, ‘cause I knew we were gonna get attacked by fucking something. I position myself above them and I dive bomb them and I scream, as I'm falling, both as a crow and human- so he turns from a crow scream to a human scream. It’s like:

[Kaitlin makes a really bad noise]

Kaitlin: It’s kinda like that.

Noel: Your crow sounded way more like a human than your human did.

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: And then I take my spear as I’m falling and I jam it through one of their heads. 

Kat: [Unfazed] Okay, try. 

Kaitlin: [Yelling] Try!

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: Roll attack, you mean. 

Kat: Yeah. 

Kaitlin: That’s five.

Kat: Yeah, no. That does not hit. 

Kaitlin: No?

Kat: After making that really impressive scream you just land in between the two of them.

Kaitlin: Cool, I'm dead.

Kat: Well it looks really cool!

Kaitlin: [Disappointed] Yeah.

Kat: And No now we're in initiative.

[Various dice rolling]

Sophia: Thirteen.

Kaitlin: Twelve.

[Some muttering]

Kat: Did you roll a one?

Noel: Yeah, I got a one. 

Kat: Corbin, despite your heroics and early warning system, the chuuls get an attack in before Laika and Fran are able to turn around. And the first one is gonna go for you, Fran.

[Noel makes a noise of discomfort]

Kat: That is a sixteen. Does that hit?

Noel: Oh yeah.

Kat: Okay. That is gonna be eleven damage and I’m gonna have you make a strength check.

Noel: That’s ten.

Kat: You’re are gripped by this thing’s pincer.

Noel: [Softly, with feeling] Fuck.

Kat: And you’ll need to make a constitution save.

Noel: Okay. Twenty but not natural twenty.

Kat: Then you’re great, you’re fine. The second chuul will go for Corbin. Ah no, that misses. That is a natural one. It goes to pincer you and it just clips right above your head.

Corbin: Dumbass.

[Giggles]

Kat: And then Corbin, it is your turn.

Kaitlin: I’m gonna cast Moonbeam and I’m gonna hit the chuul that’s not holding Fran.

Kat: Okay. So that is a fourteen?

Kaitlin: My spell save dc is fifteen so it can suck it. So, six and a nine. That’s fifteen! ‘Cause I play cribbage. Hah hah!

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: So I raise my badass spear-staff into the sky and I say,

Corbin: Thout wilt shalt not wilt not pass!

Kaitlin: And I cast Moonbeam.

Kat: Great! And then it is Laika’s turn. 

Sophia: So I can do this thing called Channel Divinity. You can cause spectral vines to spring up and reach for a creature within ten feet that you can see. They must succeed on a strength or dexterity saving throw or be restrained by the vines. On a success it frees itself and the vines vanish. I want to do this as one action and then I’m gonna do something else.

Kat: Okay. So it has to make a strength or dexterity, you said?

Sophia: Yes.

Kat: Twenty but not natural.

Sophia: You done got me. 

Kat: You cast this spell and spectral vines start to wrap their way around the chuuls legs but it immediately, with its immense strength, is able to rip it's legs out of the vines and advance on you.

Sophia: Is this the one that's holding Fran?

Kat: That's the one that you've targeted, yes.

Sophia: Yes it was. Okay. Let's try something else. I want to attack and I want to use Divine Smite. and my intent in attacking is to cut off the arm that's holding Fran.

Kat: Roll to hit. 

[Dice rolling]

Sophia: Oh! Natural twenty.

[Exclamations of happiness]

Kaitlin: Jesus!

Sophia: That’s double damage! 

Kat: Alright, roll it.

[Dice rolling]

Kat: That’s forty damage total. So Laika,you slice this thing. And you aren’t able to chop its arm off, but you bring your greatsword down on its arm and white energy radiates from the spot where you strike it. And it screams. And the sound- it feels like it's crawling in your skin as it screams but it drops Fran.

Noel: [Whispering] Nice.

Kat: And retreats, it skitters back to the side of its friend.

Laika: Jam on toast.

Kaitlin: Ohhhh.

Noel: Damn it. 

Kaitlin: God damn on toast.

Kat: Now Fran, it is your turn. 

Noel: Am I prone?

Kat: Yes.

Noel: So I get up and...I'm going to cast Fireball and that will get both of them because they’re in a twenty foot radius.

Kat: Yeah. So they have to make dex saves right?

Noel: Yep.

Kat: The first one is thirteen.

Noel: That fails. 

Kat: Okay. And the next one is a seventeen.

Noel: That one passes.

Kat: Okay so No-Sword, he takes full damage and Sword takes half, right?

Noel: Yep. So I reach out my finger, I point to a point behind them enough that they’ll be within the edge of my spell. The one that passed it's check is gonna take thirteen damage. The other one takes an additional fifteen damage, so that’s gonna be a total of twenty-eight.

Kat: Okay. So you cast Fireball and fire engulfs these two and the one that does not have a sword in its back is able to leap clear, so that it is only singed. However the other one is completely engulfed. When the fireball dies down you can see it's carapace is cracked and hardened and blackened. And then it shrieks again. That same shriek that just gets under your skin and the black hardened outer shell bursts away from it. 

Kaitlin: Cool.

Kat: And there's a slightly lighter shell underneath.

Noel: Oh okay. 

Kat: And in addition to this, the fireball, having a forty foot diameter, has set the nearby woods on fire. So now there's a forest fire as well. 

Noel: Alright, well. Nothing we can do.

Kaitlin: You can shape water, you’ll fix it later.

Noel: I can’t shape that much water. 

Sophia: We’ll get- we’ll get through it. 

Kat: Alright. No-Sword, he is next. And he is gonna go after Fran again. Lookin’ for some revenge. That is a thirteen?

Noel: That’s a hit. 

Kat: Oh that hits? Dang. Twelve damage- oh shit, it gets to make two attacks.

Kaitlin: [Softly] No.

Kat: It'll make it second attack on you.

Noel: I could die. 

Kaitlin: What’s you- what’s your HP?

Noel: I got eighteen. 

 Kat: That is a ten.

Noel: No that doesn't hit.

Kat: Okay. And you're gonna need to make another strength save. 

Noel: That's an eleven?

Kat: Uh, no. You are trapped.

[Squeaky laughter in background]

Noel: [Resigned] Alright. Which one is this? The same one?

Kat: Yeah, same one. He is back at it again.

Noel: Damn it! At the Krispy Kreme!

Kat: So now he’s got you so Swordy Boy is going after Corbin.

Kaitlin: Cool. 

[Dice roll]

Kat: And that is going to be a sixteen?

Kaitlin: Yeah that hits.

Kat: That’s an eleven. And then make a strength save, see if you are trapped by it.

Kaitlin: Fuck. 

[Rolls dice]

Kaitlin: Oh thats a natural twenty, fuck off guys.

Kat: Nice!

[Laughter]

Kat: Corbin, he's gonna attack with his tentacles. So you are going to need to make a constitution saving throw.

[Dice rolling]

Kaitlin: Seventeen. 

Kat: Okay. The chuul grabs you in its pincers but you are able to get your hands up so you were able to push it’s pincers apart and as it's coming down at you with this mouth full of red tentacles that are spilling from its carapace you force the pincers apart and duck underneath it’s legs and come up behind it. 

Kaitlin: Damn right, bitch. 

Kat: Yeah and now, Corbin, it is your turn again. 

Kaitlin: Oh cool-

Noel: Should we be trying to get the sword out? I mean it does it seem like they're getting special power from it…

Sophia: Kat is smiling.

Kaitlin: Which one had its carapace broken off? Was it the No-Sword? I would assume-

Kat: No, sword one- yep it was Sword One. 

Kaitlin: So if the swords on its carapace…

Kat: Yeah it's still stuck in there. It has several layers- 

Noel: Wedged in.

Kaitlin: Ohhh, okay.

Kat: These things have a lot.

Kaitlin: So it’s not as stuck in anymore. So I’m gonna turn into a crow and get on top of its back.

Kat: So you're going to use wildshape to turn into a crow-

Kaitlin: Yep.

Kat: Fly up.

Kaitlin: Use my wildshape, I fly up and I land as close as possible- as close as crowly possible to the sword. And I try to yank it out.

Kat: Are you gonna do that in crow from or in human form?

Kaitlin: No, I'm going to turn back into a human to yank it out.

Kat: Ok. I'm going to have you make a strength save just to stay on this thing's back. And then you’ll make another one to try and pull the sword out.

Kaitlin: Strength is not my strength.

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: That’s a nine so I probably got flung off. 

Kat: Yeah you are instantly- it bucks you off almost instantly and you are thrown prone. 

Kaitlin: Can I make a dexterity saving throw as a reaction?

Kat: Yes you can make a dex save to see if you’re able to avoid being prone. 

[Dice roll]

Kaitlin: That is eighteen.

Kat: Yeah. So you are thrown from this creatures back and you do the cool land on the balls of your feet and hands as you slide backwards.

Noel: Cooool.

Kaitlin: Sweet. Sweet. I look badass.

Kat: You do. You look very badass.

Kaitlin: I’ve accomplished nothing but I looked cool. That’s like my whole MO this battle, you guys.

[Laughter]

Sophia: It’s working.

Kaitlin: Thanks. 

Kat: Okay, Laika, it’s your turn.

Sophia: So what I’d like to do then, is attack and use Thunderous Smite.

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: And that’s a bonus action, so what I’d like to do again is try to cut off the arm and have it pushed back.

Kat: Okay.

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Hmm. Six plus seven…

Kat: Not enough. Laika, you make a wild, arcing swing for this thing's arm in order to cut Fran free and you just miss spectacularly.

Sophia: I’m gonna try and use Thunderous Smite again.

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Fail. 

[Laughter]

Kat: What was that?

Sophia: That was a three plus seven, so ten. Didn’t hit. 

Kat: That did not hit. Alright! And then it is Fran’s turn. 

Noel: Okay, so I am in this thing’s grasp.

Kat: Yep.

Noel: I think I’m gonna use Witch Bolt. 

Kat: Which bolt?

[Disingenuous laughter from Kaitlin]

Noel: I won’t- won’t engage with you.

Kaitlin: I laughed before Kat even said anything. I knew it was coming.

Noel: I’m just gonna put my hands on it’s pincers in particular, as I cast it so that I can get out of it. 

Kat: Oh and you also- before you even get to do that, make another strength save.

Noel: Oh, because I have to see if I can get out? 

[Dice roll]

Noel: I can’t.

[Laughter]

Noel: I rolled a seven. 

Kat: So, Fran, you're trying to push the pincers away and you’re just not able to.

Noel: Yeah, so I'm gonna use some magic.

Kaitlin: Wait, I have a question really quick. So this is the same one that grabbed her before, right?

Kat: Yep.

Kaitlin: So is it’s one pincer on the ground, useless? And it's used it's only one to-

Kat: Well it has- both of them are still on it. One of them is badly hurt.

Kaitlin: Okay.

Kat: It is using it’s unharmed pincer.

Noel: Yeah, which makes sense. I'm going to cast Witch Bolt as I-

Kat: Which bolt?

Noel: [Ignoring Kat] As I push again to try and get out of this thing’s grasp.

[Rolls dice]

Noel: Yeah, that’s over twenty. 

Kat: Okay. Yep that hits.

[Noel rolling a bunch of dice]

Noel: Five… two… that’s sixteen damage. 

Kat: Alright. And now it’s back to-

Noel: Did I get out?

Kat: I’ll have you make one more- one more roll to see if you can get out. 

Kaitlin: Yeah, nice job.

Noel: Thank you.

[Dice roll]

Noel: Yeah, I didn’t. I got an eight. 

Kat: Nope, you still- even though you hurt it greatly- and in fact, it instead tightened its grip on you.

[Noel murmurs, disappointed]

Kat: In response to the pain.

Noel: By the way, how do these things look at this point? Are they like very- I mean obviously the one has like, a split open carapace, but...

Kat: So n-

Sophia: Forty damage, like.

Kat: No-Sword is looking pretty rough, he's oozing from some places. But Swordy, apparently the fire bath did him some good and he's not looking too bad.

Noel: We haven’t attacked him nearly as much, so.

Kat: Yeah, exactly. That’s really what it is. 

Sophia: I thought it was related maybe to the sword, but- I want to pull that sword out of its body.

[Kaitlin ‘Mmm’s emphatically]

Noel: I just feel like it’s cool if we pull the sword-

[Noises of agreement]

Kat: It is gonna keep on rippin’ at you, since you’re the one hurting it. And it's going to see if it can use it’s bad pincer to hurt you more.

Noel: Does it have disadvantage then? ‘Cause it's injured.

Kat: It'll have disadvantage on it's first attack. It does not hit you on it's first attack, it's trying but it's bad pincer is just too- too bad. It can’t do it. So instead it uses its good pincer to tighten its grip more and that is a ten?

Noel: No, that does not hit.

Kat: Okay. It's just too weak to do that so-

Noel: [Whispering and gravely] Fuck you. 

Kat: And now it is on to Sword Chuul. And Sword Chuul’s goin’ after Corbin still.

Kaitlin: Yeah cool.

Kat: Oh, that is a critical failure on it’s first attack.

Katlin: Haha, suck it. 

Kat: It actually- it hits itself in the face.

Kaitlin: Hoho.

Noel: Does it take any damage?

Kaitlin: Yeah, does it take damage?

Kat: It took one damage from that. On its second attack, that is going to be seventeen?

Kaitlin: Yeah, that hits.

Kat: Okay.

[Kat sings a little song as she rolls dice]

Kaitlin: Why is Kat so happy when she hits us?

[Laughter]

Sophia: That is a good point.

Kat: That is eleven damage. 

Kaitlin: Oh, okay.

Kat: And now please make a strength saving throw.

Kaitlin: Yeah ok. Oh, that's a three. So it got me.

Kat: Nope! Nope. Now Corbin- Corbin is now up in a pincer. 

Sophia: What’s your health?

[Kaitlin ‘Uhhh’s]

Noel: In Sword’s pincer?

Kat: Yes.

Kaitlin: I am at twenty-one. 

Sophia: Are you okay?

Kaitlin: Yeah, I am at half health. Double.

Noel: I need healing still.

Sophia: What's your health?

Noel: I am at eighteen. But I have a lower AC.

Kaitlin: Yeah, you’re more likely to get hit. I’ll heal you in a minute.

Kat: Well it’s Corbin’s turn now and you are in- you are being held by Swordy. And uh-

Kaitlin: I can still make a- cast a spell though, right?

Kat: Yeah. Yeah you can do anything. 

Kaitlin: I cast Healing Word on you. On Fran.

Kat: And what’s your word?

Kaitlin: Um. 

Corbin: Crab-cakes.

Noel: Nice. 

Corbin: Is what I’m gonna make out of you assholes when we're done here. 

Noel: Thats a lot of words.

Kaitlin: Well I’m having a lot of feelings. 

[Noel laughs]

Kaitlin: That’s nine points of health, Fran. 

Noel: [Singing in a weird voice] Thank yooooou!

Kat: Okay. And then Laika, you’re up next.

Sophia: Here’s what’s up. I’m gonna use Thunderous Smite, maybe, if this works. And I’m gonna try and push him back in the direction of the Moonbeam. Obviously I am hoping he will drop Fran. 

[Kat ‘Mm-hmm’s]

[Sophia rolls dice]

Sophia: I got a twwwoooo! But! I want to spend one of my Luck points to re-roll.

Kat: Okay.

[Sophia re-rolls]

Sophia: Yessssss. That is a twenty-four.

Kat: Okay, great.

Sophia: Okay.

Noel: [In background] Eighteen.

Sophia: Can I attack the other one?

Kat: With your second attack? Sure.

Sophia: Okay, cool. 

[Rolls dice]

Sophia: Sixteen?

Kat: That just hits. 

[Sophia rolls damage dice]

Sophia: Fourteen.

Kat: So you hit it’s arm, the arm that it is using to hold Fran, with your Thunderous Smite. And there is a crack of thunder as you do so. And you slice its arm clean off, and while the pincer falls to the ground with Fran in it, she is still trapped inside it’s grip.

[Laughter]

[Disappointed ‘Ooh’ from Noel]

Kat: It is pushed back into Corbin’s Moonbeam as you planned. And then the other one takes some damage. 

Sophia: Alright.

Kat: Fran it is your turn now. Please make a strength saving-

Noel: Oh, I got a two. I am going to use Enlarge and Reduce to enlarge this claw so I can get out of it.

Kat: Oh! Cool.

[Various ‘Cool’s from the group]

Kat: Cool, you do it.

Noel: Alright, I’m out of it. Now it’s a big ol’ claw. 

[Laughter]

Kat: I love it, I love it. Now it’s back to-

Noel: I clambour out and I stand on top of it.

Kaitlin: Do you claw-mbour out?

Noel: OoooooOOOOHHH. And then I- I’m just- Can I…. Can I have some kind of advantage on aiming? ‘Cause I have the [Sudden Obi-Wan Kenobi voice] high-ground, Anakin. 

[Laughter]

Kat: Well… yes. On your next turn… you will-

Kaitlin: [Obi Wan Kenobi voice] Don’t try it. 

Kat: So No-Sword is going first and-

Kaitlin: Moonbeam.

Kat: Yes. He takes-

Kaitlin: Moonbeam.

Kat: Constitution save?

Kaitlin: Constitution saving throw. 

[Dice roll]

Kat: That’s a ten.

[Noel makes a weird, smug noise]

Kaitlin: [Strained voice, talking with weird inflections] That does not beat my spell save dc which is fifteen.

[Laughter]

Kat: Alright.

Noel: That’s a horrible thing. 

Kat: So-

Kaitlin: So I need two d10.

[Dice roll]

Kaitlin: And that is eight and six whi-

Kat: It’s dead.

Kaitlin: It’s-

[Group ‘Ooohhhh’s victoriously]

Corbin: [Chanting] Suck! It! Suck it!

Fran: [Joining in] Suck! It! Suck! It!

[Fran and Corbin continue to chant]

Kat: So it is pushed back by Laika’s attack into this Moonbeam and although it tries to scramble out from this searing ray of silvery light, it just isn't quick enough and it's not tough enough and it just is burned by this light. And it shrivels up, shrieking and falls to the ground. It’s dead.

Corbin: Crab cakes!

Laika: Jam on toast.

Fran: Anyone in the mood for sea-food?

[Giggles]

Kat: Now it’s just Swordy. It’s just Swordy against all three of you. It is gonna go for Fran; up on top of that big ol’ claw. 

[Rolls dice]

Kat: Twenty but not natural.

Noel: Shit.

Kat: So it grabs you again. 

Sophia: Oh my god. Don’t you think you need to climb up it?

Kat: Sure, but it has enough movement that it can definitely climb that. So it climbs up, using just it’s back four legs, as it’s pincer’s still out. And it grabs you in one pincer.

[Laughter]

Kat: You’ll just never escape. 

Noel: God fucking damn it. So I gotta do a strength save, right?

Kat: Yeah.

[Dice roll]

Kat: That is going to be fourteen.

Noel: And I rolled an eighteen to not be caught by it.

Kat: So this time you are fucking ready for it. Even though the jagged, sharp edges of the pincers dig into your skin, you have your arms out and you push this thing’s pincers wide open and hold it open like - You know all those movies when they hold open the shark jaws?

[Noel ‘Mm-hm’s]

Kat: Yeah. Like that.

Noel: I say:

Fran: Practice makes perfect.

[Giggles]

Kat: Alright. And now it gets to make it’s second attack…

[Dice roll]

Kat: And it misses you. And now it is Corbin’s turn.

Kaitlin: I'm gonna use Call Lightning. It has a range of one hundred and twenty feet and each creature within five feet of that point must make a dexterity saving throw.

Kat: Okay.

[Dice rolling]

Kat: That is a seventeen. And Fran, what is your dexterity save? You are definitely within five feet of this.

Noel: [Quietly] God damn it. 

Kaitlin: [Loudly] Oh shit!

Kat: It’s already happening. 

Noel: That’s ten.

Kat: Okay. 

Noel: I’m gonna die from this. 

Kaitlin: Tragically, Fran will take full damage and it’s gonna take half-damage. 

Kat: Right.

[Dice roll, brief pause]

Sophia: It’s twelve. 

Kaitlin: Yes, thank you for doing math. 

Kat: Twelve?

Kaitlin: Yeah it’s twelve.

Kat: Okay, so this one takes six.

Kaitlin: Yep. 

Kat: Okey- dokey!

[Noel sighs]

Sophia: Are you dead?

Noel: I have one hit point left. 

Kaitin: Are you serious?! How low were you!?

Noel: I was at thirteen!

Sophia: I’m trying to think of the best way to do this. I want to use one of my actions to heal Fran-

Kat: Okay.

Sophia: And then one of my actions to try and pull the sword out from the dude. Do you want me to roll to like, climb up the claw? Or can I just…

Kat: Roll for it, it’s gonna be a low check though. 

Sophia: Okay, cool.

[Dice roll]

Sophia: [Pleasantly surprised] Oh! Good. I Got nineteen plus whatever. 

Kat: Yeah you’re able to climb. 

Sophia: So I can heal you for twenty-five hit points. 

Noel: Oh damn! Are you going to?

Sophia: Yeah.

Noel: Thank you!

Sophia: And I say:

Laika: The doctor’s in.

[Noel laughs]

Kat: And everyone is deeply upset. The chuul, just skitters back a little bit. It doesn’t- it really is upset by that. 

Kaitlin: Me too. 

Noel: Fran loved it. 

Sophia: I roll up my sleeves that I don't have because I’m wearing armour, and I rub my hands together and I’m about to do Misty Step and I’m gonna pull this damn sword out of this guy's bottom. 

Kat: Alright, well it's in his shoulder but okay. If you’re landing on top of it I’m gonna have you make a strength save in order to stay on. 

[Dice roll]

Sophia: I got a seventeen. 

Kat: Alright, yeah, you are able to stay on top of it. And I’m gonna have you make another strength save in order to pull the sword out. 

[Dice roll]

Sophia: [In a snooty voice] What's good, it’s a twenty-two. 

Kat: Alright, here's what happens: You run and climb up this claw, grab Fran’s foot as you’re pulling yourself up, heal her for twenty five hit points-

[‘buh buh buh buh buh’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) beings playing]

Kat: -and use her to help you hoist yourself up. And just as like, Fran is starting to be pulled off balance, you’re gone. And then you re-appear on this thing’s back. It tries to buck you off, but it's not able to, you are just too strong. You’ve already got your hands around the hilt of that sword, and you yank it from the creature's carapice, and it screams and it screeches and it writhes. And I’m gonna have you make another strength save to stay on top and not be thrown. 

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Well I failed it, it’s a seven.

Kat: You are knocked from its back and you fall prone with the sword gripped in your hand. 

Sophia: And Kat just wants to hurt me right now.

Noel: Did it take any damage from her ripping it out?

Kat: It did, actually. It took ten damage. 

Kaitlin: Good. 

Noel: Huh.

Sophia: [Singing] ~ Boys are back in town. ~

[Laughter]

Kat: And now, Fran, it is your turn. 

Noel: M’kay. I’m gonna do, I think, Scorching Ray. 

Kat: [Singing to the turn of Purple Rain] ~Scorching Rayyyy.~

Kaitlin: [Continuing to sing] ~Some get scorched and others… taste the… pain. ~ That didn’t make sense, I’m sorry. 

Kat: No, I liked it. 

Noel: So I reach my hand through that air and make three swipes and rays of fire erupt from my fingers. And I will now roll to hurl them at Swordy-Boy-No-Longer. [Dice Roll] That's a twelve. 

Kat: No.

Noel: Okay. That’s over twenty. 

Kat: That’ll hit. 

Noel: Okay. And then I'll just throw the next one and see... It failed, so I have one. It takes six damage. 

Kat: Now this thing is mad. And it is still gonna keep attacking Fran, cause that is still it's closest target. That’ll be fourteen?

[Noel laughs ]

Noel: Shit. Yeah, that hits. 

Kat: Yeah, it grabs you. You are just-

[Chorus of sad ‘Oh no’s]

Kat: Make a strength save to see if you’re trapped in it’s claw again. 

Sophia: Having a bad day.

Noel: That’s eleven. 

Kat: No, that does not- you are trapped in it’s claw again. Again, again, again. 

Kaitlin: Oh lord. 

Kat: And it is going to try and poison you. 

Noel: Oh yeah, I passed it.

Kat: And now it is Corbin's turn.

Kaitlin: Cool ,well I'm not gonna use that other spell again. I'm gonna move my damn Moonbeam. And I’m gonna be very careful.

 Sophia: Uh- she's in the-

Kaitlin: Yeah, but I’m gonna be very careful. 

Kat: She’s in its claw. 

Kaitlin: Yeah, I’m gonna move it towards its tail, it’s butt. So it’s gonna have to whip all the way around and reposition itself to get her in that Moonbeam. You have to make a constitution saving throw.

Kat: Right. Oh, no.

Kaitlin: Yeah, suck it. I'm gonna get right up in its little booty.

Sophia: Get up in that booty. 

Kaitlin: And that is nine points of the damage.

Kat: Okay. Alright Laika you're up. You have been knocked prone, so you have to use your movement to get up.

Sophia: What if I Misty Step again?

Kat: I guess. Yeah, if you want to use that.

Sophia: I feel like we’ll rest after this, right? Yeah. so I'm going to do Misty Step and attack it.

Kat: Okay.

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Natural twenty. 

[Someone ‘Oohhh’s]

Kat: Allllright. 

Kaitlin: [Whispering] Kill it.

Kat: Roll damage. 

[Dice roll]

Sophia: Twenty-one.

Kat: Oh yeah, it’s dead.

Noel: Yay!

[Multiple ‘yay’s and ‘yeah’s]

Kat: So Laika, you Misty Step back up to this thing. You step up, you just chop it's head right off. Cleave it in twain. And it falls from the giant claw onto the forest floor as the burning woods behind it crackle.

[‘buh buh buh buh buh’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing]

Kat: And so- as Fran and Laika are getting down off this giant claw, the Goddess and Zarun come in running out of the woods and Zarun says:

Zarun: We saw fire and smoke. What has happened here?

[Noel lets out a breath of laughter]

Fran: What’s everybody lookin’ at me for?

Laika: Ah, we got a cool sword.

Fran: Well Maeri, you’re like a force of nature, right? Can you like- help me do something about this?

Noel: Can she like, give me extra juice?

Kat: You guys could try it.

Fran: Or maybe you could help me do it? I can already shape water but... not enough to put out this fire.

Kat: The Goddess nods and signs,

Maeri: I haven't tried before but now seems like a good a time as any.

Fran: Alright, cool.

Kat: And she takes your hands in hers and…

[Kat rolls dice]

Kat: You feel a moderate amount of extra power.

[Kat rolls dice again]

Kat: And as you attempt to shape the water and pull it from the lake over to the forest fire, the entire lake erupts in a geyser. And just wrenches everything around it. The forest fire is put out.

Fran: Crazy Maeri strikes again!

Noel: I say, giving her a pat on the back.

[Laughter]

Laika: Wild-card Maeri. 

Corbin: That was insane. 

Kat: The Goddess let's go of your hands and just holds up her hands.

Noel: I high five her hands.

Sophia: I put her on my shoulders.

Kat: So earlier you saw there was a patch of earth that looked like it had just recently been disturbed. And the geyser has rubbed away some of that fresh earth and you can see there is a horde of gemstones and-

[Kaitlin gasps]

Kaitlin: Corbin dives for it!

Kat: It looks like this- these are the gems that we're pried from the shields and the columns.

Noel: And they were buried there?

Kat: Yes.

[Sophia makes a noise of discomfort and scepticism]

Sophia: [To Kaitlin] Slow your roll- well I’m gonna let you do you. But I am gonna just do a quick investigation check on the sword.

Kaitlin: Yeah, Corbin doesn’t wait. Corbin dives for the gems. 

Kat: Alright, that's fifteen-hundred silver pieces of golden jewels. 

Kaitlin: Oh cool!

Noel: Yeah, Fran also goes over there and she holds open her Bag of Holding. 

Sophia: Can we- can we split that?

Kaitlin: Yeah. Yeah.

Noel: Yeah. 

Kat: Yeah, it’s split between the three of you. Five hundred silver pieces each. 

Noel: Cool. The Goddess gets none!

[Laughter]

Noel: Actually we probably should give her- give it to her right?

Kat: Well, she didn't do any of the fighting.

Noel: But she did the watering.

Kat: True. True. you guys- I'm mean that's up to you guys. 

Noel: I think we should-

Kaitlin: She's not- she’s an NPC.

Noel: Yeah, but like-

Kaitlin: I give her one silver piece. 

Sophia: We’ll buy her stuff.

Neol: This is weird, I’m gonna give her my share. 

Kat: The Goddess, politely, as you try and offer her the money, she signs:

Maeri: I don't really know how to... buy things. Even. 

Fran: [Sarcastically] It’s a really steep learning curve, Maeri. 

Kat: She pushes it back into your hands. 

Maeri: I appreciate it, but please. You hold onto it, you risked your life. 

Noel: I say,

Fran: Alright, I’ll guard this for ya, so to speak. 

Kaitlin: I take my one coin that I gave her back. 

Sophia: So I rolled an investigation check and I didn't do well so I'm gonna say:

Laika: Hey guys, what do you think about this old pointer?

Noel: Mm. I’ll roll arcana on it. [Dice roll] That’s over twenty. 

Kat: Okay. So, this is the Protectors Blade.

Noel: Cool!

Kat: What you can tell about this blade, is that it is a holy artefact. And that this blade gives plus three to defence.

Noel: Okay. 

Kat: So to your AC. 

Noel: So if Laika had that that would be fuckin’ dope as hell. Or I could carry it around.

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: Actually if anybody needs it, Fran does.

Sophia: I do not want to switch from my great sword.

Noel: Oh that's fair. 

Sophia: Because it’s plus four slashing. 

Noel: So I’m gonna carry this for now, on my back.

Kat: Just for fashion. 

Kaitlin: How-

Noel: Yeah, but it's gonna give me plus three, right?

Kat: Yeah. 

Noel: Great! I need that.

Sophia: So I hand it off to you. 

Noel: I already have it. 

Sophia: I say it’s yours. 

Noel: Oh good. 

Kat: So Just as you guys are saying ‘Oh, shoot. This is a really cool sword.’ And Fran, you're putting it on your back and you're modelling for everybody.

[Laughter]

Kat: Like, ‘Cool. Look at me. I got a cool sword.’ and you hear:

Dawson: Hail and well met, travellers!

[‘A KING’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Noel: No! It’s David!

Dawson: What! A! Battle!

Kat: And you see: coming out of the woods, with his beautiful, gorgeous donkey, it is the one, the only, the Dashing Dawson! And his beautiful Deal Donkey. 

Noel: [Singing] ~ I don’t want to wait for my life to be over~.

Kat: And you hear this music playing as he makes his entrance.

[Laughter]

Kat: Ane he’s applaud- he claps slowly as he walks in. 

[Kat claps slowly]

Kat: And he says:

Dawson: I have not seen such a display of might and magic in all my days. Ahh, it was truly exciting.

Laika: Have you been following us, Daniel?

Dawson: Heh, it’s Dawson. And no, like I said, I am always around when there is a deal to be found. And I believe we had a deal. 

Kat: And he walks up to you, Fran, and holds out his hand for the sword.

Fran: Dirk, before you take this-

Dashing Dawson: It’s Dawson. 

Fran: I need to know, Dirk, if I give this to you can we trade it for the Braces of the Bull later. If we want?

Dashing Dawson: Ehhh, welllll. Hmmm. We’ll see. 

Noel: [Not impressed] Oh…

Corbin: I don’t like this guy. 

Dashing Dawson: It depends on how I feel. And I mean, it depends on if some ungrateful, ingrate travelers would possibly dain to remember the name of a lowly merchant who offered them to such a deal. But, we’ll see. For now I will take that sword, thank you very much.

[‘A KING’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) concludes playing]

Fran: And you’re gonna give us the location of the Tower. 

Dashing Dawson: Check your map, it’s already there. 

[Noel gasps]

Noel: I pull out the map, I look.

Kat: Yeah, and as you pull out the map, he just very cleverly takes that sword out of your hands. 

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) begins playing]

Kat: And the Tower of Wivvil, it is to the north of where you are now. Just on the edge of the Farah Mountains. In- deep in the forest near there. 

Kaitlin: Is it on track for where we would be going?

Kat: Sort of. 

Sophia: Can we see that map?

Kat: Yeah. 

Fran: So we should probably go to the Tower first, just because otherwise we’d have to double way, way back. And then go to the Temple of Iol after. 

Corbin: Agreed.

Laika: Yeah. Jam on toast.

Corbin: Oh.

Dashing Dawson: Well, now my business is concluded.

Kat: Dawson says. And while you guys were looking at the map, the sword just sort of vanished. 

Noel: It's inside the donkey!

Dashing Dawson: Farewell, travellers! May you always find me when you are in need of a deal!

Noel: I wave without looking and I say:

Fran: Yeah, bye Lawson!

Corbin: Bye Dennis!

Laika: Bye Dickson!

Dashing Dawson: You’ll never get that sword back! Farewell!

[Laughter]

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ - Arc 2: Into Avelis (Soundtrack) swells, continues and then concludes playing]

[Fades to after scene]

Kat: I dunno, I’m not a geography person.

Noel: Mound?

Kat: Mound? A noll? A hilly noll?

Kaitlin: A nob?

Kat: No, that's a penis. 

[Laughter]

Kaitlin: [Emphatically] Oh. 

[Laughter]

Noel: I can’t stand that reaction. 

[Kat keeps laughing]

Katilin: Boo!

[Kat’s laughter continues]

Kaitlin: I’ve killed Kat. 

[Fades to music]