Dames & Dragons 13. Into Avelis (Part 4) ft. Hannah Culbert

Fran causes problems, Laika seeks information, and Corbin handles everything with the kind of finesse we've come to expect. They meet Dashing Dawson, a slick merchant with a beautiful donkey. They say goodbye to friends. They make a plan.

Thanks again, Hannah!!! Check out Hannah Culbert. 
diamondinthesnuff.tumblr.com 
twitter.com/notevenlookbad 
instagram.com/notevenlookbad

✂️ Ep. 13 Outtakes & Extras ✂️ 

  🌎 WEBSITE: legendlark.com
  🔒 PATREON: patreon.com/legendlark
  🛒 STORE: legendlark.store
  🎶 SOUNDTRACK: noelshiri.bandcamp.com
  👍 SOCIAL MEDIA: tumblr // twitter // discord

Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER-SOUL GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

SHA THE ELF PROFESSOR is played by Hannah

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 13: Into Avelis (Part 4)

Hannah: I got some things, I’ve got...If I had met Corbin and had met Fran, these are some descriptions of their voices that I quickly wrote. You know when I met Laika, I was like—

Sha: Your voice was like a crystal glass, brimming over—

Noel: Oh yeah, right.

Hannah: So, what I had, just for me. This is just for me to read. This isn’t for you. This is just for me to help myself get into character.

Sophia: Hey! This is just for Hannah.

Hannah: This is about me.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from  ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames and Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Noel: Alright, I’m sorry. I was making it all about me and I’ll stop.

Hannah: Yeah, could you just stop. This is the one for Fran, and here we go.

Sha: Your voice beith as sweet as a chorus of thousands of nectar bedude wasps drowning in a vast pool of acid.

Fran: That's really nice of you. Your voice is actually a little bit grating.

[laughter]

Kat: Please describe Corbin’s voice for me.

Hannah: Corbin’s voice...

Sha: Your voice is like an exquisite metal rasp being drawn gently across the surface of a crystal chandelier.

Corbin: Thank you very much.

Hannah: Disgusting.

Noel: Anyway.

Kat: Anyway, let's play some D&D.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ plays and then fades out] 

Kat: [singing] Do do do do do do do, D&D!

Sophia: Great foley work.

Kaitlin: Delete all your music, Noel.

Noel: I already have.

Kat: Hi, I am Kat. I'm your DM.

Noel: Hi. I’m Noel and I play Fran.

Sophia: Hello, I’m Sophia and I’m a teenage boy—

[very quiet smooch sound]

Sophia: —and Kat has kissed me and I play Laika.

Noel: They’re sharing a mic; it was very romantic.

Kat: It's like sharing a plate of spaghetti when you’re two dogs.

Kaitlin: Hi. I’m Kaitlin, and I also once shared a mic with Sophia and…

Noel: Who do you play?

Kaitlin: I just kinda feel betrayed.  I'm getting there. I’d like to express my feelings first. I just feel a little upset.

[Noel giggles]

Kat: No one cares about your feelings, introduce yourself.

Kaitlin: [laughing ] Fine! I guess I’ll just say who I play! I play Corbin.

Hannah: I care about your feelings. 

Kaitlin: Thank you Hannah.

Hannah: And I’m Hannah and I’m returning as Professor Sha, an elven linguist from the University of Madrea.

Kat: Last time, Laika, you woke up in a market and you talked to some camels. The camels were deeply unhelpful. However, they did sort of, kind of, point you to some food. In the food tent, you met Sha; a linguistics professor from the University of Madrea. Who, from his studies, speaks the same form of Common that is spoken on Estra, which you have found out is Ancient Common.

Meanwhile, Fran and Corbin you have arrived at that same market. And with some help, sold that giant jaw bone from the bulette, and made some money. You then witnessed a disagreement between the orcs about selling the Estran books. 

And then Corbin, you had a very [momentary pause and Kat thinks of the mostly inaccurate adjective she can] delightful meeting with Vioni. And she told you Torva is tracking the Goddess’s divinity and that she will give you a cloak to disguise her from him if you get her shapeshifting vessel back from Torva’s lair in the mountains. And then Corbin was dropped off in the middle of the market by a creepy little girl. And was very upset, so he started doing his horrible crow calls in a panic and when Laika and Fran both came running, you found each other again!

Noel: Yay! We did it! And I confirmed that Laika is Laika, by using our incredible code word system and Laika and Corbin are just lying in a pile, right?

Kat: Yeah, yeah.

Noel: As soon as Fran hears the word barf, she runs and jumps on the dogpile—

[laughter]

[‘just walking (no mystical aspects here lol)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Noel: —and also starts crying.

Kat: The Goddess also gets Zarun to sort of get in close enough. She just throws herself off of Zarun and onto this dogpile, you guys. She is so happy to see everybody.

Sophia: Sha, how are you reacting?

Hannah: I’m watching this and I'm just bewildered and mildly amused and very curious about Corbin’s crow dialect.

Noel: By the way, when the Goddess jumps in our little pile Fran scoots away from her.

Kat: [surprised] Oh.

Sophia: What's up with that?

Kat: So as you guys untangle yourselves, the Goddess, she tries again to stand, and she’s a little more successful but she still leans on Zarun for support. And begins signing because suddenly she has people who can understand her again. She says—

Maeri: Where have you gone? What happened? Where have you been? Are you okay?

Kat: And she’s really rapidly signing to you—to Corbin and Fran.

Kaitlin: I say:

Corbin: [singing] I got a secret, Fran got a secret, we’ve all got secrets!

Laika: I have a secret.

Sophia: And I look at Sha, like that's my secret.

Corbin: Laika’s got a secret.

[‘just walking (no mystical aspects here lol)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Laika: I–I’m gonna tell my secret, and then you guys can share your secrets, but I made a friend who can understand me!

Corbin: That's a pretty good one.

Sha: Verily, ‘tis so.

Corbin: Oh wow.

Laika: This is Sha and he’s a really cool dude and he knows about the world below and we gotta use him as a resource and he’s going to teach us how to speak the language. Right, my dude? 

Sha: Sure! I mean, why not, right? I mean, provided you will tell me more about your fascinating origins. I mean in one day alone, I’ve met a wingless tiefling, a half djinn, and a dirty boy! Incredible!

[all laugh]

Noel: I say—

Fran: Corbin, you wanna explain what happened to us? Laika, can I talk to you for a second?

Laika: Uhh, yeah, let’s just step over here.

Corbin: Who am I explaining things to?

Laika: Corbin, I’m just gonna to talk to Fran for a second. Can youㅡuhㅡget to know our friend Sha and explain what happened to our friend Maeri over here. You know, our friend Maeri? Do you remember Maeri? Just the human. The human?

Sophia: And I am holding up—

Corbin: That’s the Goddess!

Sophia: I punch you in the face.

[giggles]

Laika: My friend is drunk. You need to sober up, Corbin! This is Maeri.

Kaitlin: I start crying. I fall down. I clutch my face and I start moaning. And I’m  rolling around in the sand.

Sophia: I say—

Laika: That's just a joke between friends.

Sophia: —to Sha and then I walk away and talk to Fran.

Hannah: I ask Corbin—

Sha: Is this a traditional greeting among your people then?

Corbin: Is my nose bleeding?

Sha: Yes.

[Corbin makes sounds of agony]

Kat: The Goddess—she comes over to you, Corbin, and she heals you for four points of damage.

Kaitlin: Thanks. 

Hannah: You use magic?

Noel: You better roll perception.

Kat: Yeah, actually. Sha, roll perception.

Hannah: Alright.

[dice roll] 

Hannah: Seventeen.

Kat: Yeah, you see that. You see that happen.

[Sha wails in confusion]

[laughter]

Sha: Your friend Maeri. I—Did she?

Corbin: Her name is the Goddess.

Noel: Oh my god...

Kat: She is motioning like—

Maeri: No no no,  it’s not. I didn’t do anything.

Corbin: Never mind… No. Her name is uh… Barry.

Sha: I thought it was Maeri?

Corbin: Yes! That's it.

Kat: The Goddess puts her face in her hands.

Corbin: Yes so anyways—

Kat: She signs to you, Corbin, like:

Maeri: Why is he reacting like that?

Corbin: I don't know. He seems weird.

Kaitlin: Then I wink at her, like I'm gonna to tell her later.

Kat: She gives you a look. She does not—

Corbin: Magic doesn’t exist here.

[Noel laughs]

Kat: She raises her eyebrows, like. And her mouth makes an ‘Oh’ and then she just closes her mouth and folds her hands in front of her.

Kaitlin: Alright.

Corbin: What was your name?

Sha: My name is Sha.

Kaitlin: I put a hand on Sha’s shoulder and I say:

Corbin: Buddy I got some news for you

Sha: Alright, I’m listening.

Corbin: You’re a wizard Harry. Well not you, I am. 

Sha: A… wizard?

Corbin: Actually Fran’s the wizard. I’m just a druid. But it’s all real.

Sha: Art thou fucking with me?

Corbin: Uh. That seems highly inappropriate for you to ask me.

Sha: God lord, child. I meant in the sense of dost thou jest?

Corbin: Oh then no. Here, follow me.

Kaitlin: I beckon. I beckon for him to follow me to a secluded area, like a back alley.

Kat: The Goddess stays where she is with Zarun and Gingie.

Kaitlin: Okay.

Hannah: I’m following you.

Kaitlin: I turn into a bird.

[laughter]

[brief silence] 

Kaitlin: I turn into a crow, specifically.

Kat: Zero tact.

Noel: I cannot believe that we are not there to stop any of this.

Kaitlin: You guys—You left me alone!

Sophia: We should’ve known this would happen.

Kaitlin: Yep!

Sha: So you are a blessed one!

Kaitlin:I turn back into a man—er, a boy.

Corbin: I'm a god.

[disbelieving giggles]

Sha: There is so much of your island, which I do not know! How many people like you are there?

Corbin: Basically everybody was a god, almost.

Sha: And now all of the people who fell from thine island are just wandering about in the desert here?

Corbin: I sure hope so, but I fear that some of them may have perished.

Sha: Well, fuuuuuck!

[Kat cackles]

Corbin: You need to lie down?

Sha: No, I’ll be fine. Just a lot to take in, you know. This Maeri with whom you travel then, you called her the Goddess. And you, you’re from the island in the sky. This Goddess, is she called Kai then?

Corbin: [confused] Her name’s Maeri, I guess.

Sha: There was… There was a goddess called Kai once, in our legends. She retreated to Estra but very, very little was known about her.

Corbin: Well there are many goddesses on Estra. Basically all of them that are female identifying are goddesses, you could say. Everybody.

 [‘Sad little ditty that was supposed to be a transition’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Sha: An entire floating island of goddesses?

Corbin: Yes. And gods and whatever the nonbinary term for holy entities.

Sha: Deities. 

Corbin: Deities. Thank you!

Sha: No problem. But if your floating home is entirely populated by gods and goddesses, and deities, how is it that it came to fall down here?

Corbin: Oh, yes. Isn’t that the question of the day?

[laughter]

Sha: Well yes. Yes it is the question.

Corbin: Yes well…

Sha: ‘Tis verily the question!

Corbin: ‘Tis verily. Yes, well I will have to...You know this reminds me: I have some very important information to discuss with my cohorts.

Kaitlin: And then I leave.

[laughter]

Hannah: I am standing in the alleyway.

Kaitlin: Are you gonna follow?

Hannah: Yeah, I guess I will.

Kat: Fran and Laika, what have you gone off to talk about?

Noel: I say—

Fran: What are you still doing with her?

Laika: What are you talking about?

Fran: I mean, our whole life was a lie. Estra was a ruse. You're hanging out with the lord of the underworld, so to speak... Overworld.

Laika: The Goddess? You’re saying the Goddess is lord of the underworld?

Fran: Well not literally!

Laika: What are you talking about? It's not her fault that Estra fell. It's not her fault.

Fran: Yeah, it's not her fault that Estra fell, but it might be her fault that Estra was raised.

Laika: We don’t know that. She doesn’t have the memories of her past life so until we can figure out what really happened and what's going on with Torva, it's still our duty to protect her. That’s—

Fran: Well that’s what she says.

Laika: Well, that's what I was trained to do. That was what you were trained to do too. This is all we have left. I’m sixteen or seventeen.

[Juniper chuckles] 

Laika: I don’t know, but I'm going on what's familiar. For all I knew, I thought you both were dead. You are the only friends I have besides my giant grandpa and Gingie.

Fran: I feel like we’ve become friends too, but we don’t know anything about the Goddess. Everything that we were told was true, including that we had to be her guardians and we had no other choice, hasn’t turned out to be true. So how do we know she doesn’t remember? How do 

we know that she is not just playing us all for fools?

Laika: Well, we don't know enough at this point to write her off completely. I want to make sure she’s protected until we can figure this out, but I think we have to do that together. I trust you. I trust you and Corbin completely. But I need to put together what exactly happened to Estra. We saw that red light and the island exploded and fell apart. What do you think happened?

Fran: I don’t know what to think about that, but at this point, the world below isn't any worse for me than Estra ever was.

Laika: There’s water by the way, like a lot of it.

Fran: [incredibly intense] What?

Laika: Yeah.

 [‘Sad little ditty that was supposed to be a transition’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Fran: What are you talking about? There is no water here, I just found this Oasis.

Laika: No, There’s an ocean. I almost drowned.

Fran: A what? 

Laika: Yeah.

Fran: Which way is it!?

Laika: Uhh, it’s—I—

Kat: You have no—

Laika: I’m sorry, I don’t remember.

Noel: I grab Laika by the shoulders and attempt to shake her but I’m much weaker than she is.

Laika: Listen, if it really comes down to it, I’m sure we can  find our way back with Gingie and Zarun. They’re able to smell their way back.

Fran: I read about oceans. And that’s one of the things I thought I would never get to see because none of this is supposed to be here!

Laika: I know. I don’t understand it either. But right now we have to gather what information we can and then make a plan for what we are going to do next. Then you can go to the ocean!

Fran: [hesitantly] I… trust you… I think.

Sophia: I blush.

Fran: And, if you think we need to check out the Goddess and make sure she’s not lying about what she knows, then I’ll… I’ll do that because… you know where the ocean is and I don’t know. 

[giggles]

Laika: Well, that’s something. I guess we’re gonna have a beach episode coming up soon, like every anime does.

Fran: Ugh. And in addition to you knowing where the beach is… [rushed and embarrassed] you’re the best friend I ever had so...

[Sophia squeals in joy for a very long time.]

Laika: That’s totally cool and—

Fran: Yeah you seem cool about it.

Laika: I’m normal about it. 

Fran: So am I and neither of us are very... shaking right now. So—so my point is: I’ll go with you guys and we can keep the Goddess with us but I’m suspicious of her and I don't think we should discuss anything sensitive in front of her.

Laika: I agree. Until we know for sure what happened. I think we also have to learn what happened on the world down below. Because if we thought this place didn’t exist, we’ve probably missed out on a lot of history. 

That’s why I want to talk to this guy, Sha. Also because at some point, we are gonna need to learn how to communicate with all the people around here. He said that we're speaking Old Common, which is a language—nobody understands it but old scholars.

Fran: Wait, so, Sha can speak our language, and… we left him alone with Corbin.

Laika: Oh Fuck!

Noel: And we run back.

[laughter]

Kat: Perfect. You guys all get back roughly the same time and—

Noel: As we come back I’m screaming—

Fran: Don't listen to anything he says. He has the vapours!

[Laughter]

Laika: He has the vapors. Sorry we left you with him, he’s fuckin’ crazy.  He doesn’t—This is our friend Maeri, uh—

Corbin: You guys are assholes.

Laika: What did he say to you?

Sha: He did turn into a crow

Fran: Well... it's the vapors? 

[quiet sounds of everyone losing their shit]

Sha: The more I hear of Estra, the more curious I become.

Sophia: I look to my giant grandpa for help like: ‘What the fuck should we do?’.

Kat: This is not his area of expertise. He does not have much good advice for you but he does come to the center of your little group and says:

Zarun: Tell this small man, that should he trespass on the Goddess, I will... eat him.

Laika: Grampa I’m not going to say… that… that's crazy. 

Zarun: Tell him.

Laika: I’m not going to tell him.

Sophia: I turn back to Sha, who I...

Noel: I scream that—

Fran: She also has the vapors, what’s going on?

Hannah: I can’t understand the wolves.

Kat: No you can't but—

Noel: You can tell she's talking to the wolves!

Laika: We don’t know if we can trust you, I'm just going to be honest. And I just need to get a sense of… more of a sense of who you are.

Sha: Well certainly. Do you have questions for me, young lad?

Fran: If you saw, just, a bleeding man fall down on the ground in front of you, what would you do?

Sha: I mean, I'm going to be real with you. Uh, probably walk away. Seems like, sort of a dangerous situation. 

[Fran ‘Mm’s appreciatively]

Sha: Wouldn’t want to necessarily be involved in all that.

Fran: You guys, I think he sounds really reasonable. 

[all giggle]

Kat: While you guys are having this discussion there is a commotion from the side of the market where the orc caravan has posted up. Do you wanna go see it? Or you gonna ignore it?

Noel: Yeah, lets go look at it.

Kat: You guys run over and it's the white haired orc again. She has her arms spread wide and she’s baring her teeth to a group of merchants who are very aggressively speaking with her. And Sha, you can understand what they’re saying!

Noel: Yay!

Kat: Yeah, cause you actually speak this language.

Hannah: I’m listening.

Kat: Sha, what you understand is happening is, these merchants are saying they wanna buy these books from her. Like, they are going to fetch a really high price. They really wanna buy these books and she's saying:

Unnamed White-Haired Orc: No, these are not tools of commerce, these are tools of knowledge. I will not sell these to you.

Kat: And the other orcs are jumping in; they’re pressuring her. Saying: ‘They’re going to pay us a lot of money. Sell these books to these merchants.’

Kat: The rest of you, you don’t understand what is going on 

Noel: Well we say:

Fran: Sha, what’s going on?

[Kat chuckles]

Sha: There are a group of customers that happen to purchase those lovely, lovely books. And the woman, there, you see, who is keeping watch over them, doesn't wish to sell. Which, of course, I can respect. Although being a scholar, I mean, I think, you know, if there was a buyer on hand who had a reasonable offer, that perhaps she can be persuaded. Um... What were we talking about? Those books look really nice you guys. Are you looking at the books?

Fran: We were familiar with them.

Sha: Oh you are?

Fran: Yeah.

Sha: Would you introduce me?

Kat: To...the books?

Hannah: [Sha’s voice] Yessss.

[all giggle]

Corbin: It looks like I’m not the only one with the case of the vapors.

Noel: I just give Corbin a mean look.

Sha: Excuse me, Miss. Could you elaborate, for me, your reasons for not selling these very nice books.

Unnamed White-Haired Orc: These men want to buy these books from me because they want to sell them to kings who will put them in dusty libraries where no one will look at them. These are priceless! They are artefacts of a world we will never see! A world that has died before us. I will not sell these books to men who will never read them.

Kaitlin: I like her.

Hannah: I gulp a little bit. Cause I’m a little intimidated and impressed.

Kat: Roll to fall in love.

Katilin: You gotta roll, buddy.

[Hannah rolls]

Kaitlin: Oh no!

Kat: You’re too intimidated.

Hannah: I‘m pretty sure I'm book-sexual.

[Noel giggles]

Katlin: Be ready to fall in love with the books. Roll to fall in love with the books.

Kat: Roll to fall in love with the books.

[Hannah rolls again]

Hannah: Nineteen.

Kaitlin: Wow.

Kat: That tracks.

Hannah: I pull on my collar a little bit, wipe a little tear from my eye, and I say:

Sha: Madam, your reasons for keeping hold of these books could not be more honorable. Albeit that, I am a scholar from the University of Madria, myself, and were you interested in selling, I could be sure they would be acquisitioned to our library where they could be read and reread by many interested persons.

Kat: She gives you a once over, she looks at the crest on your sash and she nods slowly and then shakes her head. 

Unnamed White-Haired Orc: How do I know that they will get there safely? Huh? How do I know that you will not turn around and sell them to the next man who comes along?

Sha: [with passion] I would never do that. Although... I do see your point.

Hannah: I’ve switched to Old Common.

Sha: How do you guys feel about books?

Fran: Great! I love books!

Laika: Hmm, normal.

Corbin: Yeah, I’m indifferent.

Sha: These answers are satisfactory to me. You, gods, I could send you with the books to my colleagues in Danmar, it's not very far off.

Fran: Yes we are gods.

Noel: I say staring into Laika’s eyes.

Kaitlin: I am also staring into Laika’s eyes and I say-

Corbin: We four gods, will happily do it.

Laika: No, no…

Fran: Four gods—

Laika: We’re going to address this later.

Sha: You lads, you are… Fresh as the month of May. 

[laughter]

Sha: But I digress. You could help me to transport them to the library. Where they’d be safe. Thoughts?

Fran: Where's the ocean though?

Corbin: I’m—I—Listen, listen. I have a lot of things to say to everyone. Some important information. I would like to know where the library is located geographically. I would like to know If it is anywhere close to a large mountain that might or might not be called Torva’s Jaw.

Sha: That is a fair question. Well actually, yes, Danmar would be on your way north.

Corbin: All right!

Sha: It’s just by the seaside.

Corbin: Sounds great.

Fran: [intensely whispering] It's by the what?

Sha: The ocean. Danmar, it’s right on the Bay of Death.

Fran: [fighting back tears] That— It sounds wonderful. We need to protect the books, you guys!

Sha: That sounds normal.

Laika: We need to stick together like jam on toast. So I’ll go—

[laughter borne of suffering from all except Sophia]

Kat: Damn it!

Laika: I'll go with and deliver the books.

Juniper: [mournfully in the background] Why!?

Sha: Surely you must want to stop to resupply as well. I have colleagues there who could help you continue your pursuit of knowledge. Learning the language of common tongue and all that. I'm sure these books must be of some value to you as well, being from your lost culture.

Corbin: Well it's on the way to Torva’s Jaw so I’m cool with it.

Fran: What are you talking about?

Corbin: I’m gonna catch you up later. Tell me your secrets I’ll tell you mine.

Fran: You don’t know I have secrets.

Laika: Well you guys definitely have secrets, my god friends. I’m looking forward to talking about our time one Estra, as gods. 

[Kaitlin and Noel cackle]

Kat: So the orc woman says to you, Sha—

Unnamed White-Haired Orc: What are you saying. What are these people speaking of?

Sha: Terribly sorry. We’re just talking about how we might transport the books safely. These beings that you see before you are incredibly powerful. I know they may not look it, but they are fierce warriors.

Unnamed White-Haired Orc: I have seen their powers.

Sha: They have agreed to safely transport the books. I can pay you a great sum if you are willing to accept it.

Kat: She thinks about this for a minute and she looks back at the orcs who are like- ‘Yes. Do it. get rid of these books, we don’t have the sled space.’ And she finally says—

Unnamed White-Haired Orc: Fine. Fine. The slavirs cannot carry them anyways.  I will take the books, the children will come with me.

Hannah: I gotta translate for these nerds, right?

Kat: Mm-hm.

Sha: I have spoken with her and she has agreed to transport the books to my colleagues in Danmar. You will accompany her as guard. I pray that you will take great care with them.

Fran: Right cool, can you tell us her name?

Sha: Of course. Madam, what is your name?

Unnamed White-Haired Orc: My name is Nodona.

Sha: Nodona. It is a pleasure to meet you. It is so rare to find someone who shares my level of respect for words.

Corbin: Could ask about dog-lizards?

Sha: What do you mean the dog-lizards?

Corbin: The dog lizards

Sha: Yeah, those are normal dog-lizards. They’re monsters. 

[Noel giggles]

Corbin: I think they are quite beautiful and that is a cruel thing to say.

Sha: Oh no, no. You misunderstand. I mean monsters in the sense of classification. We have loads of monsters. Did you guys not have monsters?

Corbin: Wha—

Fran: Other than Corbin?

Corbin: Hey! Fran not now!

Sha: They’re called slavirs. The desert orcs train them. They're quite fearsome but obey their commands.

Corbin: [quietly] I want one, alright.

Sha: Good luck with that shit.

Corbin: Thank you.

Laika: Sha, I have one last request.

Sha: Yes?

Laika: Before we head out, can you help us haggle and translate? We have some equipment we want to get set up before we head out.

Sha: If you will take care of the texts, I will be happy to.

Kat: You guys take some time to buy some supplies. And you guys have some gold which you find out very quickly, you can use to buy a lot of stuff. And if you want more details about what they decided to buy at Oasis market, you can listen to our Oasis market shopping episode. Which can be found on our Patreon. Would you guys do a quick rundown on what you bought?

Noel: Sure thing. Fran got a bedroll, a magnifying glass, a dice kit, and very fancy clothing.

Sophia: Laika also got very fancy clothing, as well as antitoxin and some new rope.

Kaitlin: Corbin also got antitoxin, and he got thieves' tools and hide armor.

Noel: And we all three picked up two first aid kids and rations for the journey.

Kat: Cool, Sha splits up with Goddess and the wolves to help her make her purchases.

Sophia: With my money.

Kaitlin: And my money.

Noel: Yeah, Fran’s not pitching in.

Kat: So as you’re wandering around the different stalls and buying different things, you eventually get to the end of the market. And you are about to turn around and then out of the corner of your eye, you see a stall that you’re pretty sure was not there before. 

[‘A KING’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: You turn around and see a halfling man with beautiful golden ringlets and wearing very fancy clothes that are covered in golden embroidery and they're dyed bright colors.

Noel: Oh my god.

Kat: And he is standing next to the most beautiful donkey you have ever seen. 

Noel: [hushed] Oh my lord. 

Juniper: [hushed]  Wow. 

Kat: She is this soft heather grey with black mane and flowers in her mane.

Noel: Oh my god.

Sophia: Good lord. 

Kat: And he is standing there with a little table in front of him and several items out in front of it. He gives you guys a very large overdramatic wave and says:

Unnamed Halfling Man: Hail travelers!

Fran: [hesitantly] Hail...

Laika: Hell…

Unnamed Halfling Man: Why don’t you come and have a look at my wares?

Fran: [cautiously] Hmm...Okay.

Noel: I am very intimidated. This donkey and this man are so beautiful.

Kaitlin: I roll to animal handle the donkey.

Kat: Okay.

Kaitlin: That’s a seventeen.

Kat: She seems friendly towards you but no man can truly handle her.

Kaitlin: [pleadingly] Kat, pleeeease!

Kat: That is enough that if you would like to turn into a donkey, you may now turn into a donkey.

Kaitlin: Oh thank god.

Sophia: I’m going to very quickly change into the fancy clothes that I just bought and come back and walk up to him very confidently. I'm in a very cool looking tuxedo.

Kat: So he says to you:

Unnamed Halfling Man: Wow, smooth costume change there. Have you come to take a look at my beautiful wares?

Laika: I don't know what you are talking about. I'm a different person. I've always been in a tuxedo. Yes I have come to look at your wares though.

[‘A KING’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Unnamed Halfling Man: What can I do for you today? I have so many magical items.  I should introduce myself.

Kat: And he stops and put out his hand to you Laika and says:

Unnamed Halfling Man: My name is Dawson, Dashing Dawson. And this is my Deal Donkey.

Kat: He motions towards his donkey. Who gives—she tosses her head and whinnies. 

Noel: Oh my god.

Sophia: Wow.

Kat: In front of Dashing Dawson, at his stand, he has: a scimitar, a lance, a spyglass, several red potions, a bag, bracers, a tiara. and a silver collar. And he says:

Dawson: Which of my fine items can I interest you in today, fair madam?

Laika: Thank you, fair gentlem-sir. I want to know about these magic bracers and the magic collar, the magic tiara and the magic bag. Anything that you have that is magic.

Dawson: They are definitely magic. I can tell you that.

Laika: More details please.

Dawson: Well now, that would require a little more knowledge than I have. I am just a humble merchant out buying and selling magical items throughout the land for anybody who is willing to pay a fair price. You can always find me when there is a deal to be made—Dashing Dawson, that's my name. Deals, that's my game.

Laika: Can I try on these magic bracers? I wanna make sure they’re right size.

Dawson: If you put them on, then that is a legally binding contract and you will have purchased them and you will owe me eight hundred silver pieces.

Laika: I will give you seven hundred for them.

Dawson: I’m afraid I do not bargain, fair madam.

Hannah: I’m gonna roll to persuade you

Kat: Okay.

[dice roll]

Sophia: Oh that’s—

Kaitlin: Ohhhhhhh!

Sophia: [whispering dramatically] That's a natural twenty!

[Kat rolls dice]

Kat: He is persuaded. Although, he looks at you. And he looks you up and down and he says:

Dawson: Well, now I think I can strike a more interesting deal with you, whatever. What did you say? Seven hundred? Sure, they’re yours. Now, what I’m more interested in, fair madam, is... you. 

Noel: [grossed out] Mm.

Sophia: Uh—

Laika: I’m a teenager. That’s gross.

Dawson: Nothing like that. I’m sorry. I am so very, dashing. I know, it can seem like leading you on.

Laika: How old are you?

Dashing Dawson: That is not important and it is rude to ask a gentleman his age.

Laika: Not on Estra.

Dashing Dawson: Now where was that again?

Laika: I said exhu-sundheit.

[Noel giggles]

Dawson: Now you may be trying to fool me, and you may have some pretty good wits about you—But! I have been around this block once, twice, maybe three times. And I can tell that there is something special about you. Who are those two hanging back there, is that your entourage?

Laika: I don’t know them, I’m a fancy-man.

Noel: I grab onto Corbin’s arm and I’m really scared. 

Kaitlin: Corbin nods really menacingly and crosses his arms and pretends to be his bodyguard.

Noel: Fran nods really fast, clearly nervous.

Sophia: I shake my head. I don’t know them.

Dawson: Well, I can tell that the three of you, you look like the adventuring type. And I am a man that is always looking for hail and hardy adventurers to go after those artifacts, that, well, I may not be equipped to get myself. Now let me guess, the three of you have had a little bit of trouble communicating since you’ve come to this market haven’t you?

Noel: [realising] Wait. Why can we talk to him? What!?

[giggles]

Kat: It took you long enough to figure that out.

[Noel laughs]

Laika: Yeah, that’s true.

Dawson: I know a man that can help. Well, maybe man is not the right  word but, heh, man-like creature who can definitely help you out. But you have to help me first. Nothing for free, that’s my motto. What do you say?

Noel: I just whisper to Corbin—

Fran: He’s speaking in old Estran, what’s going on?

Dawson: I can hear you back there young lady and let me explain.

Noel: I shake my head very quickly

Dawson: I am—

Kat: He takes a moment and he strikes a pose this time—

Dawson: —Dashing. Dawson. And I can always speak the language of a deal. Now, doesn’t matter where we are, doesn’t matter what we are doing I will always be able to understand you if there is a deal to be made. So here’s my proposition. There are two artefacts out in the world, nearby, fairly, that I just… well for several reasons I can’t make the trip to. One of them being I am small and squishy and there are things there with teeth and claws. And I couldn't put dear Delilah in that type of danger.

Laika: Well I’m a fancy-man so the reward would have to be very high 

because my hands are very fancy.

Dawson: Sure you are. I can tell by your fancy clothes.

Laika: They are very fancy clothes.

[Noel giggles]

Dawson: Well, at a place called Fang Lake, there is an artefact known as the Protector’s Blade. And in another place, The Long Castle, there are the Bracers of the Bull. If you three bring me one of these items,  I will tell you the hidden location of [with pizzazz] The Tower of Wivvil.

Laika: Babel?

Dawson: Now, you’re from out of town, I’ll forgive you. Wivvil, The Scribe. God—the child of the force of knowledge. He lives in a tower and can grant you any knowledge that you seek? Such as perhaps the understanding of a language that you don’t speak at all and have no way of learning quickly?

Fran: What was your name again? Haha just kidding.

Dawson: You asked and I will answer because I am... Dashing. Dawson.

Fran: Slipped right out of my mind once again. And um, that sounds like a place that I would be very into and you said it was it’s secret?

Dawson: It is a secret but I happen to know the location.

Fran: How do we know that you really know?

Dawson: I am always a man of my word.

Fran: Well you seem like a slick gentlemen.

Dawson: That I am.

Laika: I have a question: I just bought bracers from you. And then you told me about other bracers which also sound magic. What's the difference between those two bracers?

Dawson: Well you tell me, what do those bracers do? You put them on.

Sophia: I punch a wall.

Kat: Sophia, you feel as you go to punch that wall, you feel just a little but faster. You feel a little bit more dexterous. In fact, you feel plus two dexterous on any Dex check that you make.

Kaitlin: [in the background] Damn!

Sophia: Does this mean that I don't have to take disadvantage on my plate armor?

Kat: No. 

Laika: Wow, just call me [gravelly] Speed Demon.

Corbin: I won't call you that.

Laika: Corbin, please.

Fran: We’re not gonna call you that. 

Laika: Oka—I don’t know you guys, I’m a fancy gentleman.

Fran: So, does that ‘you take it, you buy it’ apply to just touching it gently?

Dawson: You can touch it gently, but don’t you dare pick it up.  Picking it up is a binding contract.

Noel: I reach out and touch the magic tiara and I cast Identify. If it's a magic item or another magic imbued object, I can learn its properties. 

Kat: It looks like it has the spell Protection from Good and Evil.

Noel: I don't want that. What was the other one?

Kat: There is a magic bag and a magic collar.

Noel: Oh I touch that magic bag and cast Identify.

Kat: It is a Bag of Holding.

Noel: How much is it?

Dawson: This fine magic bag of mysterious properties I will part with this for a mere seven hundred silver pieces. 

Fran: How about you just part with it, because we bring you back that thing.

Dawson: No can do. I already stated the terms of that deal. Nothing for nothing.

Noel: Hmm, so shiny when I look at him. 

[dice roll] 

Kat: Oh yeah, he is not persuaded, and in fact, I’m going to have you make a Wisdom saving throw.

[dice roll]

Noel: That is a ten.

Kat: No; you are charmed.

Noel: God damn it.

Noel: As you put a hand on this magic bag and you are trying to convince him, he puts his hand on top of your hand and he says.

Dawson: I think we both know that I’m asking a fair price. So if you’re interested in this fine magic bag, I think you’ll do well to pay the fair market price.

Noel: Fran just stares at him and slowly reaches her arm towards her money purse.

[laughter]

Noel: And then slowly begins to dole out the coins.

Dawson: You will not regret this decision young lady, you made a great deal today.

Kat: Dawson says as he’s scooping your money into a bag.

Noel: I hate this. I take the Bad of Holding and I stick all my stuff in there

Dawson: Can I interest you in anything young man?

Corbin: Ooo, I’m looking at the collar.

Dawson: A very fine collar. Somewhat tarnished but a little bit of elbow grease will polish that baby right up for you. Would you like that in a bag? Can I wrap it up in tissue paper for you? 

Corbin: Tell me what it does.

Kaitlin: And I’m going to roll an intimidation check.

Noel: Oh my god.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: [giggling] That's three. 

[dice roll]

Kat: Yeah, don’t worry, he beat that. Now roll a Wisdom check.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: That's a natural twenty, suck a dick.

Kat: Alright. You are not charmed by him but—

Kaitlin: He is not intimidated.

[chuckles]

Kat: He is not at all intimidated. 

Kaitlin: I turn into a crow and start pecking at his face.

Sophia: No!

Kat: He bats you away and says:

Dawson: Well I suppose then we are done here, you know the terms of our deal.

Corbin: [somehow through his crow form] No!

Kaitlin: I grab the collar with my claws and I fly away.

Kat: Alright.

Sophia: I say:

Laika: I can't believe the criminals around these parts. I didn’t know him ‘cause I’m a fancy man.

Sophia: And I walk away.

Noel: I just run after Corbin flying away, screaming—

Fran: Corbin! You idiot!

Kat: As you guys run away from him he says:

Dawson: Be sure to come back if you happen to find any of those artefacts I mentioned. [sounding at least 5% evil] I’ll always be around when you are looking for a deal.

Kat: And then when you turn to look back to him, he’s gone. 

Noel: [softly] Oh. 

Kat: And Corbin, when you do finally land and turn back into a human and look at the spoils that you have—

Kaitlin: Oh shit. 

Kat: —the silver collar. You look at and you’re like ‘Wow this is super cool’, but you suddenly realize, your money bag is a lot lighter and then you—actually you open it and it is completely empty.

Kaitlin: Well, hey, I got it! Yeah!

Kat: You lost all of your money though.

Kaitlin: That's fine. You know, hey,  sometimes you win at life and sometimes you lose. 

Sophia: Is he a god?

Noel: Probably

Kaitlin: I just stole from a god then.

Sophia: He’s defo a god.

Kat: By the time you all get to the Goddess, you found that she’s bought a dagger and a set of plain leather armor. And she goes to get changed because she’s still in her ceremonial white gown, she has been this whole time.  She's pretty eager to get changed. She steps off to get changed and she doesn't come back for a while. And first you are getting kinda suspicious about it but then she steps out. And she's changed into this simple traveling gear with light leather armor on it and she shaved her head.

Noel: Oh my God.

[excited exclamations]

Laika: Badass.

Corbin: Daaamn.

Kat: And she signs to you guys—

Maeri: I don't need to impress anyone anymore. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) begins playing]

Maeri: I don’t need to be their goddess. This is better. This will be better.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades into interlude]

Noel: And today’s message to Chantel is: Jay (rhymes with way, rhymes with nay). 

Kat: The sleeper agent is active, go. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades to episode]

Sha: Well it has been a great pleasure meeting you godlings, but I’m afraid I must purchase those goblin texts. Ah, I suppose I should teach you before I leave, if you are looking for the professors from Madria, you can say: ‘I’m looking for the professors’— that's me I'm like a professor,—’from Madria’, you understand?

Fran: Hmng, ‘I’m cooking for the messers in…’ [quiet noises that in no way approximate language]

Sha: Close enough .

[giggles]

Fran: Well, it's been good, I don’t know you at all so… good riddance.

Sha: …Thank you.

Corbin: That’s so rude Fran. It has been very lovely to meet you. I’ll put in a good word in for the other gods up in the godly heaven for you.

Sha: [honoured] It's a great honor .

Corbin: Yes, I'm sure.

Sophia: Is Sha shorter than me? 

Noel: Probably?

Sophia: I give Sha a giant hug and I pick him up and I spin him around.

[someone gasps]

Kat: You give him a Buddy approved—

Sophia: Yeah, and I say:

Laika: Sha, you really saved our lil’ butts, thanks for all your help. you’re my best friend.

Sha: Oh!

Corbin: I thought I was your best friend?

Laika: Gingie’s my best friend. But you’re on the list.

Sha: Well—

Noel: Fran stares at Laika.

Laika: [it was at this moment she knew… she fucked up] You're in my group of all my friends who are the best.

[Kaitlin and Noel wheeze]

Sha: Thank you...It was a great honor to meet you, godlings. If you're ever near Madria, stop in, check out the library. If you do come by, you know, maybe we can all sit and read quietly. That would be great. Anyway—

Fran: That sounds amazing

Laika: Maybe I can chew on some of those books. Sounds good.

Sha: Please never talk to me again.

[all giggle]

[Noel laughs like ‘hah hah hah hah’. It is quite bad]

[someone breaths extendedly making a terrible ‘hhhhhhhhh’ sound that no one comments on]

Kat: So you guys wave, give some good orc-approved hugs and Sha heads off to find those goblins texts that he was after and then maybe hitch a ride into the desert to go look at some ruins. And who knows what happens to him after that.

As Sha leaves and you guys go back to the orc caravan to get ready to go, you see that the body of Luelle is being taken down from the sled where it was being carried. Dokella, she motions you over and you see that they've built a pyre behind their camp where they are placing the body. 

Not very many orcs have gathered around but there are a few. Nodona, she’s come over from the book sled and is standing with her head down and hands clasped in front of her and there are a few others who have assumed very similar poses. And Nodrig is holding a torch and standing next to the pyre. And Dokella makes a hand motion towards you guys, she rolls her wrist towards her mouth and she says something and beckons to the pyre. 

[‘just walkin’ whirly’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: It seems like she's asking if you guys want to say a few words.

Noel: First of all we would tell Laika who this is.

Kat: Oh yeah, probably.

Fran: She was a receptionist.

Noel: Fran says, and then steps back.

[quiet chuckles]

Laika: I had a unfortunate nick-name for her—

Fran: I don't know that this is really the time Laika.

Laika: No I—I know, I’m trying to say—

Fran: Laika.

Laika: —I’m sorry!

Fran: Laika!

Corbin: Let her finish Fran!

Laika: She seemed like a wonderful person dedicated to books. And... she’s good.

Corbin: She seemed okay, she was kind of uptight, I think. I don't remember, like, anything about her. 

Laika: If you speak ill of the dead, the ghosts of a thousand ghosts will haunt you forever.

Kat: The ghosts of the ghosts?

Corbin: I’m being honest.

Noel: Then we stand back from the pyre and Fran hits Corbin on the head.

Corbin: Ow.

Kat: Okay, you step back from the pyre and they wait for a second to make sure you're done. They can’t understand what you’re saying. They don’t really even  know if you're saying anything of importance but they seemed to have assumed so.

Noel: Yeah and they’d be wrong

Kat: Yeah. Once you guys have finished, Nodrig sets the pyre alight and everyone stands in silent vigil as the body is burned.

So you guys go over to Nodrig and Dokella. And Nordrig, he does that—the orc sign of friendship or thanks or something. He grabs you, Fran, and you, Corbin, and he grabs each of you by the back of the head. Real roughly. And puts his forehead gently against yours. 

Noel: Aw. Fran throws her arms around him.  

Kat: Aw—

Kaitlin: Corbin head butts him.

Noel: Wha—!

[Noel laughs]

Kat: He actually—he seems to very much respect that. 

Katilin: Nice. 

Noel: Fran does not let go despite the fact he's been head butted. And she says:

Fran: Not-Rick, I didn’t know you very well, but I know your name is not Rick.

Kat: Once you guys say goodbye to Nodrig, Dokella comes up and she does a much gentler version of the motion. Shee gently takes the back of your head and touches her forehead to yours. And she says something to you and it's very sweet and soft but you have no idea. She could have been cussing you out, you don’t know.

Noel: I’m gonna make a minor illusion of Fran, Corbin and Dokella, but as if it was drawn by a five year old child even though Fran can clearly do it much better than that.

[‘just walkin’ whirly’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kat: Dokella seems delighted by this. The few orcs that had gathered, they don’t wait very long before they start to scatter but Nadona stays where she is with her head down and hands folded in front of her. It seems like you guys have a few minutes. Is there anything else that you'd like to do before leaving the oasis.

Noel: I need to go meditate in the oasis.

Kat: Oh—

Kaitlin: Also I want to know what my collar that I stole and lost all my money for does.

Kat: That's a great question.

Sophia: Also, I would like to have a brief conversation with the Goddess.

Kat: Sure thing

Noel: I run oasis and just dive in and go sit at the bottom.

Kat: For five minutes.

Noel: For five whole minutes.

Sophia: I try to do the same thing and then I can’t ‘cause I can’t breathe.

Kat: The Goddess thinks that is pretty funny.

Noel: Fran also thinks it’s pretty funny.

Sophia: I’m embarrassed.

Kat: So the Goddess, she sits on the shore of the oasis while Fran is meditating. Zarun has taken up a position next to her. He is just staying by her side now. And you said you wanted to have a conversation with her, Laika?

Laika: There’s been something that has been bothering me that I wanted to ask you. The Goddess before you died when she was giving birth but what would happen if she hadn’t died?

Kat: The Goddess pauses. She takes a deep breath and writes with her light finger.

Maeri: I don’t know exactly.

Kat: —she says.

Maeri: They wouldn't tell me and I don’t remember what’s supposed to happen but I don’t think the vessel, or my last body, survives... Ever. A vessel—if it doesn't have the gods spirit in it, it can’t contain the power, so I don’t think any of them survive. 

Laika: Are they killed?

Maeri: I don’t know.

Laika: So when you leave your body, you would become like vessel of Vioni, that became empty.

Maeri: I suppose.

Laika: [not sounding very cool about it] Cool.

Sophia: I walk away.

[all laugh]

Kat: The Goddess looks visibly shaken by this conversation.

Sophia: I give her a thumbs up and pretend everythings fine and I show her my tuxedo.

Kat: She likes your tuxedo but still somewhat worried now.

Sophia: I just find that disturbing and I think there’s probably more we don’t know that we will all have to find out about. That's all.

[laughter]

Kat: Thank you for that report from Laika central. Corbin, what are you doing with your last five minutes at the oasis?

Kaitlin: Corbin is still fiddling with his collar and waiting.

Kat: You put it on and you don’t really feel any super different. And then, at about the five minute mark, when Fran emerges from the water in a glorious shower of droplets, you stand up, startled by this, you feel suddenly that you could just run, and you could just get out of there, and then that feeling subsides.

Kaitin: ‘Kay. 

Kat: What you have is one unreplenishable charge of the spell ‘expeditious retreat’. It’s a one d4 unreplenishable charge.

Kaitlin: I’m gonna kill that god when I see him again. That merchant god is dead.

Kat: You stole from him!

Kaitlin: Yeah, okay but this is overpriced. One thing is eight hundred? No. 

Sophia: Hey, now you have a cool accessory.

Kaitlin: I throw it on the ground. But I do pick it back up and put it on because it is a cool accessory.

[chuckles]

Kat: Nadona beckons you all to the sled and settles you in. Straps your goggles on. She takes a bit of time with you, Laika, with you and your horns. Trying to figure out how to put them on best so they’ll be a nice fit around your eyes.

Sophia: I make it really difficult ‘cause I’m moving my head while she's trying to do it.

Kat: She gets very frustrated.

Sophia: I stop. And then I do it again. And then I stop.

Kat: She positions you on the back of the sled, along with the Goddess, Zarun and Gingie. You’re all kinda curled upin—like, she's arranged the books in a half circle shape, so you have a shelter out of the wind behind where she is sitting in the driver’s seat. She gets herself settled in the driver's seat, snaps the reins, and the Slavirs are off. So you head out into the desert, out across the sands and over the dunes. 

And it's probably at this point, a little after midday. And it's hot, it's dusty, but Laika, this is a vast improvement from trudging across the dunes in your heavy plate mail.

Sophia: Gingie and I have our heads out, and we’re like dogs in a car. 

Noel:Zarun doesn't?

Sophia: Zarun is—he’s a chill old man, he's just enjoying himself.

Kat: He’s just chill with the Goddess. The Goddess is petting him. She’s scratching him behind the ears.

Corbin: Hey friends, I’ve got some news.

Fran: [apprehensive] Okay.

Corbin: So… I had a spirit vision—

Fran: [disappointed but not surprised] Okay.

Corbin: From Vioni.

Fran: What!?

[Laika makes unhappy noises]

Sophia: Is the Goddess listening too?

Kat: She is. And when you say Vioni, she perks up and leans forwards a bit.

Corbin: Yeah… She seemed—I dunno. She seemed like—I have mixed feelings, she seemed kind of cool…

[laughter]

Corbin: But she did make me brutally murder a bird.

Noel: Alright, so— 

Corbin: I didn't like that.

Noel: Just taking Corbin’s judgement with a grain of salt right now.

Corbin: Basically though, Torva is tracking our every movement, because of the Goddess’s, like, divine presence. 

Fran: Why did it take so long to tell us this?

Corbin: I was working up to it!

Fran: By doing what?

Corbin: [splutters] I just—She made me kill a bird! It was hard for me!

Kat: The Goddess puts her hand on your knee and signs to you—

Maeri: Thank you for your courage.

Kaitlin: I… One tear falls down Corbin’s face but he holds it together.

Corbin: That’s kind of the situation. Also though, there’s this magical item I guess, at this place that's called like, Torva’s Paw or Torva’s Maw…

Fran: [long-sufferingly] Oh my god. 

Corbin: Torva’s something… like, caw.

Fran: But we’re going to drop the books off?

Corbin: Well, it's on the way I think. 

[Fran splutters]

Corbin: Anyways, my point is that’s kind of an issue that we should deal with.

Fran: Ugh. 

Laika: What does this magical item do?

Corbin: Well, it's a cloak. It masks her beauty from Torva’s… giant eye.

Laika: And she just gave you this information for free?

Corbin: Oh yeah! I forgot about that part. Vioni also wants her Vessel back, Vessel back vessel back?

[laughter]

Laika: Wait, so we’re gonna give her vessel back, and everything is just going to be cool? Because she seemed cool? I’m all for getting the cloak but I don't know about helping the Vioni.

Corbin: Here’s the low-down on the Vioni, from first-person perspective: I—

Fran: [sarcastically] From an unbiased source I'm sure.

[someone coughs in background]

Corbin: Hey! Imma be unbiased. I don’t trust her. At all. But it did sound like she basically was a prisoner in her own body a lot. So… I dunno. That seems like that sucks, I get it.

Fran: If Torva’s tracking the Goddess, what choice do we have? Either we dump her, which… [prolonged, meaningful silence where Fran assumedly shrugs] Uh, or we—

Laika: Oh, wait a s—We’re not gonna—we’re not gonna do that.

Corbin: Yeah what was that gesture that you just made, Fran? That weird, rude gesture that you made with your head and your shoulders

Fran: I shrugged.

Corbin: Like you were into dumping the Goddess.

[laughter]

Fran: I didn't say anything.

Noel: 'Cause I know the Goddess is listening and—

Fran: I’m just saying either our option is to dump her or we get this cloak somehow or we die by Torva’s hand. So... we have to get it at some point. Whether we need to give Vioni her vessel back… I guess we’ll have to see if we can get the cloak back without her help.

And if we have to stop in Danmar anyway, then maybe we can get our bearings for the geography so we can get one of the relics that that guy that Corbin tried to steal from. I forget his name but—

Laika: I think it was Darson.

Fran: Oh right, right. Dirson, I remember.

Corbin: It’s Damien.

Laika: It was Dirthma.

Kat: On the wind you all hear:

Dawson: [sounding annoyingly mystical] It's Dashing Dawson.

Laika: No it’s not. 

Corbin: It’s Darth Maul.

Laika: Shut up wind.

[laughter]

Fran: Anyway, it would be nice to figure out the language of this world before he can trap us in, like... a language based… trap.

Kat: So, about—

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: —it's late afternoon when, in the distance, you all spot a huge ribcage and the skull of a downed dragon out in the desert. 

Sophia: Whaaat?

Kat: And the slavirs start to get really antsy and they start making these—they sound actually like zebras: ‘woopwoopwoopwoop woopwoopwoopwoopwoop!’

Kaitlin: I’m in love.

[Kat chuckles]

Kat: The slaviers are, they’re starting to get antsy, and Nadona is struggling a little bit to keep them on course as they start to veer wildy towards the bones and then she steers them away. And as you begin to draw closer, the ground starts shaking violently. And the slaviers beginning to get very panicked. First, one huge, skeletal claw emerges from the sand, and then the second, and then the dragon’s skeletal head lifts from the sands and it let’s out an ear splitting shriek. 

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ swells, continues and then concludes playing]

Noel: Oh, is there a creek nearby? You guys? 

[Noel giggles]

Kat: Oh... 

Noel: Dawson's creek?

Kat: [sounding so unhappy] Dawson's creek.

[Sophia giggles]

Noel: Hey you guys. You guys—You know who my favorite character from Dawson’s Creek is?

Kat: The donkey?

Noel: No. My favorite character Hana Wana, you guys remember this?

Kat: I’ve never seen Dawson's Creek.

Sophia: Neither have I.

Kaitlin: Me neither.

Noel: You don’t know Hana Wana? Hana Wanna is the one who is waiting for all of the other ones to die?

Kat: [incredulous] No? What?

Kaitlin: I literally don’t know anything about Dawson’s Creek. 

Noel: You know? You don’t even know the song?

Kat: No? 

Noel: [sings, deliberately mispronouncing the lyrics] Hana Wana waits—

[Sophia joins in]

Noel and Sophia: [singing] —for our lives to be over.

[Sophia scats the Dawson's Creek theme song]

Kat: Okay. Alright. That was a really long set up. For that joke. 

[Noel giggles. Kaitlin is silent]

Noel: Anyways.

Sophia: Kaitlin's shell shocked.

Kaitlin: I don’t like it. I’m not into it. Bad Joke.  Bring back the sixty-nine jokes.

 [Noel laughs in the background]

Noel: Oh, they never left.

[outro music]

[ad for DMs Deep Dive plays

[end]