Dames & Dragons 10. Into Avelis (Part 1)

Well, guys, the Guardians are totally dead now. Wait, no. Just Laika is dead. Or was it the Goddess? No, no, no... Fran and Corbin. That's it. But, wait. Anyway, tune in for the first episode of Arc 2, wherein there are dust storms, beaches, land sharks, and also mortal peril.

✂️ Ep. 10 Outtakes & Extras ✂️

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Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 10 – Into Avelis (Part 1)

Sophia: [in a weird old man voice] Welcome to Dames and Dragons. An actual play 5e podcast with an all⁠—female cast. I hope my boys and girls are ready⁠—and gender neutral people are ready for an adventure!

Noel: Who⁠—who is that? Who is that talking?

Sophia: Hello, it's meee. Father Time.

[all laugh]

Noel: Father Time, you sound kind of congested what's that about?

Sophia: I have a cold. As do fifty percent of the cast of Dames and Dragons.

[giggling]

Kat: Father Time, why have you visited us today?

Sophia: I need to stop to get some Mucinex from Noel's cabinet.

Noel: You're out of luck. I know you always come here for Mucinex, Father Time, but we’re fresh out.

Sophia: I shall take some from your harvest this year as a tax for your betrayal.

Noel: Ohhhhh. [muttering] Not again.

Kat: And that is why we had to take a month off from releasing episodes. Hi, I'm Kat, I'm your DM.

Noel: Hi, I'm Noel and I play Fran who is a genasi wizard.

Sophia: Hi, I am Sophia and I play Laika, a tiefling paladin.

Kaitlin: Hello, I am Kaitlin and I play Corbin who is a human druid. Are we going to mention that we're level five now?

Kat: You're level five now. Yay! As everyone is falling to their deaths, they level up.

Sophia: Level up!

Noel: When we do die, when we hit the ground, at least we'll know that we were level five. 

Kat: Yeah!

Noel: This is the last episode of Dames and Dragons.

Kat and Kaitlin: Yeah.

Sophia: It's been good

Kat: It's been swell. I mean, I'm glad we got the listenership we got while we had living characters but you know, sometimes these things happen. For those of you not in the know what happened last time.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ beings playing] 

 The island of Estra has fallen from the sky and taken our heroes with it. So this is where we are beginning our second arc.

Noel: [unenthusiastically] Yeaaaaaah.

Kaitlin: [also unenthusiastically] Yayyyyyy.

Sophia: [pained and high⁠ pitched] Hhhhhhhhhhh... hhhhhh.

Kat: I do love the sound of excitement in the morning. Or the mid⁠-afternoon.

[uncomfortable laughs]

Noel: It's also not excitement. It's genuinely fear.

Kat: I don't know why you guys are scared, it's uh, what⁠—What indication have I given you that you should be scared?

Sophia: We're falling from the sky.

Noel: Yeah, all those times you told us ‘You should be scared.’

Sophia: And you know, like you better level up. Threatening wink.

Kaitlin: Also I've known you for more than three days.

[all laugh]

Kat: Yeah, let's play dnd.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ plays and then fades out] 

Kat: When the world was new, and all was green and growing, the Beast Gods roamed the Great Forest. They protected their own and hunted all those who opposed them. The humans who lived on the edge of the forest made offerings to appease the gods and keep their favor. 

[‘Creepy Peaceful Space (Extended)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

And then one day, the wolf god Fenrir found a new offering on his altar. Sitting on the stone slab where humans had carved his likeness, there sat a young girl. She was still, not crying, hardly breathing, only watching him. 

Unnamed Girl: Oh mighty Fenrir.

Kat: She said to him.

Unnamed Girl: My kind have sent me in place of the sheep. The year has been lean and they cannot spare the meat. I humbly offer you my life. 

Kat: Fenrir circled the girl.

Fenrir: Are you afraid?

Kat: Fenrir asked.

Unnamed Girl: No. I only regret that I do not have the strength to protect my village. But if this is how I am to die, I ask that you kill me quickly.

Kat: Fenrir considered the human girl for a long time and then approached her.

Fenrir: Climb onto my back. If your life is mine, then you will be one of my pack. We will teach you strength.

Kat: And so the girl learned. However, she took no joy in the violence of the wolves. She much preferred to explore the sacred woods. Then one day, she came across the deer god Cernunnos. She had been warned to never cross the paths of the other gods and so she turned to run. But the grass grew around her feet, binding her to the earth as the great stag turned his impassive gaze to her. 

Cernunnos: Are you afraid?

Kat: The deer god asked.

Unnamed Girl: No

Kat: Said the girl.

Unnamed Girl: I only regret that there is so much more to learn. If this is how I am to die, I only ask that you do it quickly.

Kat: The grass around her feet loosed, and she was able to step free. 

Cernunnos: If you wish to learn, then my herd shall teach you.

Kat: And so the girl learned. She learned the magic that was in the water and the wind, and she learned to harness it. She began to venture out further, using this magic to reach areas of the forest she had never been before. And then one as she climbed, her hand was trapped by a black talon. She looked up to see the shining black eyes of Muninn, god of the crows.

Muninn: Are you afraid?

Kat: Muninn asked, bring her beak close to the girl's ear. 

Unnamed Girl: No

Kat: The girl said.

Unnamed Girl: I only regret that I was not able to see more of this wide world. If this is how I am to die, I only ask that you do it quickly.

Muninn: If you wish to see the world, then I will show it to you. 

Kat: Muninn said.

Muninn: I will teach you how to explore and to survive even in the worst places, so you may see all there is to see.

Kat: And so the girl learned. The crows carried her on their wings, taking her far beyond the forest to see great oceans and mountains. In this way, the girl became a woman. She brokered a careful peace between the three clans and made herself a home in the center of the forest. 

Outside the protection of the trees, time passed and people became less wary of the forest. The battles between the Great Beasts no longer kept them from the paths. Their villages turned into cities, and their cities into empires. They prayed to Gods who rained destruction upon their enemies. Those who could flee ran to the safety of the woods. 

The woman took them in and tended their wounds. She raised homes for them and sheltered them from the war of the world. She taught these lost ones to live in the forest in harmony with their hosts. And for a time it seemed, this world they were creating would last. 

And then the fires started. Embers from the battles of the gods set the world ablaze. Empires were consumed, cities were razed, villages burned to nothing but ash. The forest was no longer safe as the trees began to light and fire decimated all that it touched. And so she called upon the gods of beasts.

Unnamed Woman: Friends!

Kat: She cried.

Unnamed Woman: Lend me your power. The heat of the flame grows ever closer. It is only through peace with each other that we can all be saved. 

Kat: And seeing that there was no other way, the gods agreed. Taking these gifts into herself, the woman thought of the lessons she had learned. 

She remembered the hours running with the wolves, which toughened her soles and built her muscles. She remembered the days sitting in the clearings with the deer, learning the magic which lay within all things. She remembered flying with the crows, the wind on her face and the thrill of discovery. With the powers she had been given, she was able to lift the forest into the sky. 

As they rose higher and higher, those in the forest could see the glowing embers of the world below stretching out as far as they could see. When they finally vanished above the clouds, they knew that there was nothing left in the world below. They named their new home Estra, a haven above the clouds. Forever safe from the cruelty wrought by the fires of war. 

[‘Creepy Peaceful Space (Extended)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kat: So you are all falling from the sky. 

[‘let’s get risky’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: Laika, you are holding onto the Goddess and Fran and Corbin you are holding onto each other. Corbin, you took an arrow in your shoulder and you are losing blood quickly. Laika, you are holding onto the Goddess and as she fails in her last attempt to keep Estra afloat, she passes out. Fran, you cast Feather Fall on everyone, right?

Noel: Mhm.

Kat: Okay. You guys are falling slower than the rubble. The Goddess is passed out and as you are holding onto her, you're clinging onto her, a huge piece of rubble falls and you have⁠—you are forced to hold tighter to her as it hits you in the shoulder. And you're pushed to one side, and then you can't see Fran and Corbin anywhere. You look around, you have no idea where they have gone because there is just fields of rubble. Fallen buildings, pieces of the magic carriages are falling, you see a dining⁠ room table that has fallen out of a window of a building. And it's just chaos raining down. I'm going to have you now actually make three Dex saves.

Sophia: [rolls dice] Eighteen plus two. [rolls dice] That's nineteen plus two. [rolls dice] And fourteen plus two.

Kat: You are able to use these obstacles to push through the rubble without getting crushed by any of it. A building falls towards you and you're almost about to be trapped in this gap with the Goddess but you are able to push off of one piece and basically propel it away giving you enough time to escape and speed up. But as you⁠—as soon as you guys are clear of the rubble, you and the Goddess, you begin falling much faster. Because Feather Fall only lasts for four rounds at a fourth level which is forty seconds. 

And you look down to see what you're falling towards but in the light of the full moon, all you can see is a faint shimmering. However, you can hear amid the screams and crashes of huge pieces of debris falling into each other, enormous splashing sounds. And you realize just a few moments before you and the Goddess hit the surface, that you're falling into water. 

You plummet into it and it is icy cold. And there is... no bottom. You just keep sinking. As you force your eyes to open, it stings but you manage to look around. You see the Goddess about fifty meters away, suspended in unearthly rays of moonlight filtering through the surface. And you look down and you see there's nothing, and you just choke. You inhale and you feel the edges of your vision go black. And the last thing you see in front of you... is the Goddess, glowing faintly in the light. And you're drowning.

[Noel gasps in the background]

[‘let’s get risky’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ swells]

Kat: So Corbin, you have taken an arrow for the Goddess and you are losing a lot of blood. You are going to have disadvantage until you heal.

Kaitlin: [strained] Sweet.

Kat: So I'll have each of you now make three Dex saves. 

[lots of dice rolling]

Noel: Those rolls were four, nineteen and fifteen.

Kaitlin: [rolls dice] The lowest one is four plus two. That's an eleven. [rolls dice] If I wasn't on disadvantage that would have been a natural twenty, but I am on disadvantage so thankful though it was twenty-one.

Kat: So Fran, you are clinging onto Corbin as he is quickly losing a lot of blood, and you are falling, and the world is falling around you. And you just⁠—you're not able to keep ahold of each other. 

[Kaitlin laughs and Noel makes an uncomfortable sound] 

Kat: You are flung from each other's grasp as a piece of rubble comes between you and pushes you apart. I'm going to have you each make another roll to see if you can get back together.

Noel: That's a thirteen for me.

Kaitlin: That's an eleven for me.

Kat: Okay, that's actually enough. Fran, you are able to push yourself off of a piece of rubble and sort of dive at Corbin to get your arms around him again.

Corbin: Woooooooooah.

Fran: Eeeeeeeeew.

Kat: There's still just all sorts of things flying past you. You see one of those flying motorcycle type things, you see someone fly past you, still riding one, trying to make it to the ground. You see people with various spells trying to stay afloat or at least slow their fall. People are casting Feather Fall right and left but there's just so much falling from the sky. 

People are getting crushed, and you cling tighter. Fran, as Corbin sort of going limp in your arms, you just dig your nails into his shoulders and pray. Pray that you two are going to be able to stay together as you plummet towards the world below.

Your Feather Fall wears off and you look down to see where you're going to land and it doesn't look like anything? In the darkness as the island's debris touches ahead of you with deafening crashes, huge clouds of dust rise up, blocking your view of the ground. And you fall into the plumes. And the⁠—as⁠—

Noel: I wanna cast Feather Fall again!

Kat: Okay, alright! 

[all laugh] 

Kat: Okay, great so you guys slow back down and you manage to keep hold of Corbin as you suddenly make impact with the ground and there is just an explosion of dust around you as you do. And I'll have you each make a Constitution save. 

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: Do I have disadvantage on the Constitution as well?

Kat: Yeah, you still⁠—you haven't healed.

Noel: I got fourteen?

Kat: Okay.

Kaitlin: And the second is a nine. So, eleven.

Kat: You're choking and you're coughing but you're able to stay conscious as the sandstorm kicks up around you. And you realise as you get up on your hands and knees, that what you've landed on is sand. And you can't see anything else. The storm is blocking out any light from the moon or the stars. Everywhere is just sand, it's coarse and irritating.

[laughter]

Kaitlin: It gets everywhere.

[more laughter]

Kat: God, okay. I'm glad I brought this up now so we can just get it out of the way. Anyway, so what do you guys want to do? You're on the ground, there is a sandstorm raging. Corbin, you are still bleeding out. Neither of you can see anything.

Noel: It's a sandstorm? How bad is it? Are we about to die?

Kat: Yeah, so you have limited visibility. If you do not act at all, you will not be able to breathe in this in probably two rounds.

Noel: Alright, guess what, you guys? Level five Fran has some hot spells.

Kaitlin: Ohhhh!

Kat: Hot spells, hot spells! Hot spells straight off the spell press! What'd ya get?

Noel: Uhhh, it's called Leomund's Tiny Hut.

 [laughter] 

Noel: Let's get into it. Alright, so basically, a ten⁠—foot radius, immobile dome of force springs into existence around and above you and remains stationary for the duration. The spell ends if you leave its area. Nine creatures⁠—ba ba⁠—a lot of people can fit inside. No creatures or objects can come in here, spells can't come in here. I can't cast spells out of it. The atmosphere inside is comfortable and dry, regardless of the weather outside. And from the outside it is opaque, any color I chose but it's transparent from the inside.

Kat: Very cool.

Sophia: What color is it?

Noel: I'm going for camouflage, so it's like sand color.

Kat: Okay. So you spring that up around you and Corbin?

Noel: Mhm. Yes, I do.

Kat: How long does it last for? What's the duration?

Noel: Eight hours.

[someone whistles and general noises of being impressed]

Kat: Well...

[Noel laughs]

Noel: I was fucking ready.

Kat: You were. Uh, alright. Well. So now you've solved the⁠—[witch voice] You've solved my sandstorm puzzle!

Noel: Yes, go inside.

Kat: But you still have your Corbin bleeding out puzzle to deal with.

Kaitlin: Ehhhhh, I'm groaning in pain. 

Noel: Is⁠—is he awake?

Kat: Yeah, just barely. 

Fran: Corbin, cast healing on yourself.

Kaitlin: Can I do that?

Kat: Yeah, you can do that yourself.

[Noel and Sophia laugh]

Kat: I don't know why you didn't do it earlier!

Kaitlin: I'm just used to like, you know, you give it out and you get it in return. I forget that I can cast spells on myself. Figured that⁠—

Noel: Do I have to pull the arrow out first?

Kat: Oh, yeah! You know, let's get some roleplaying in here, yeah.

Kaitlin: Yeah, pull it out.

Noel: Alright, where's that arrow?

Kaitlin: Put

Corbin: Give me something to bite on!

Fran: I...

Corbin: Put your hand in my mouth!

[laughter] 

Kat: Nooooo!

Noel: I quickly look around the dome and realize that there's just sand in here, and I try to put some sand in Corbin's mouth.

[all laugh]

Kaitlin: I start to choke.

Noel: I realize my folly and find my rope, I put it in his mouth.

Kaitlin: Cool, thanks. I bite down on that real hard.

Kat: Alright. Now just roll to see how good you're able to do this.

Noel: Is this going to be medicine?

Kat: Yeah, roll a medicine check.

Noel: Okay! I got eighteen.

Kat: Very good. Alright, so you expertly are able to pull this arrow out of Corbin and put your hands over the wound as soon the arrow comes out to stem the bleeding. Long enough for Corbin to⁠—what spell are you casting? Lay on Hands?

Kaitlin: I'm gonna cast Cure Wounds on myself.

Kat: Okay.

Kaitlin: I got a seven plus four.

Kat: Okay so that brings you up to...

Kaitlin: That's twenty⁠-eight, and I have to touch a creature so I am touching my boob window. 

[Noel sighs] 

Kaitlin: Sensually.

Fran: Of all the people I could have gotten stuck with... I got stuck with my best bud Corbin.

Corbin: I'm also so grateful to be with you.

Fran: [forced laughter] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa.

Noel: Fran begins to have a panic attack.

[all laugh]

Kaitlin: I don't have a spell for that.

[laughter]

Sophia: You could calm her down?

Kaitlin: I go over to Fran and I put my hand inside of her water hair

[laughter]

Noel: What!?

Kat: Why!?

Kaitlin: And then I pat her on the head.

[giggling]

Noel: Oh, Fran freaks out. And my hair⁠—I just let it deform 'cause I am very surprised and shocked. And it falls in the sand and disappears so thanks for that.

[Kaitlin laughs really hard]

Noel: Now I'm bald!

Corbin: That's a great look on you.

Noel: Fran screams... piercingly. 

Kaitlin: Corbin hears you imitating his bird call and he makes his bird call back at you.

Noel: Ugh, okay well, Fran just like, puts her face in her knees and tries to do breathing exercises.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) begins playing]

And fails to calm down but eventually says:

Fran: The Feather Fall wore off before we hit the ground. What do you think happened to Laika?

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades into interlude]

Noel: Last of all, here’s a message to Chantel. Chantel, I truly can’t believe that you haven’t left us an iTunes review. We been out here beggin’ these randos and… we give you message every episode. And that⁠⁠—that review’s gotta ba a’comin’. You told me that you, in fact, didn’t know that this was a thing that was possible but I assure you, Chantel, that it is. 

Sophia: So in place of our message to Chantel this week, we have a message for our favourite person: Brandon. Hey Brandon? You’re on brand.

Kat: That was a hundred percent an excuse just to say that, wasn’t it-

Sophia: [gravelly voice] Brandon.

Noel: [gravelly voice] Brandonicus. 

Kaitlin: Brandonia

Kat: Brandon, please don’t take your five dollars from us. We need that money for chicken nuggets.

Kaitlin: Brandoooon.

Noel: We love you Brandon. The Brandon agent is active.

[giggles]

Kat: Go!

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades out]

Kat: It did not take long after Estra ascended for the gods to take notice. When the flames of war burned the earth to ash and killed all of their followers, those beings turned their eyes to the last pocket of survivors.

[‘Creepy Peaceful Space (Extended)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: While many tried to exert their influence, they found no house of worship would open its doors to them. They were to blame for the wreckage of the world and none who were left would praise them. 

It was Torva, the Conqueror, who was smitten not with the potential for worship but with the Goddess herself. He reasoned that if he could convince her to be his wife, they could together take down even the Forces which had created them all. One evening, Torva appeared at the Goddess's temple. Lining up with her worshippers to lay gifts at her feet. She would take their gift, hold it close to her heart, then kiss the forehead of her worshipper. 

Torva: My lady—

Kat: He said⁠.

Torva: I bring you the sword of Belius. May you use it to vanquish your enemies.

Kat: The Goddess took the sword, examining the fine blade. As Torva stood to accept her kiss, she plunged the sword into his gut. 

The Goddess: Your wish has come true. I have vanquished my enemy. 

Kat: ⁠She said. Torva gaped and gasped, and his form vanished. However, it is not so easy to kill a god. Torva spurned, swore his revenge. As Estra continued to flourish and build, Torva sat on his throne of burnt earth, he summoned Atum, the Snake. Atum, furious at the betrayal of her kin, the wolf, deer and crow, agreed to help. They colluded in secret and from this union there was born the first khastra. The egg of this monstrous creature was hidden in the deep chambers of the Goddess's temple, where it lay in wait. Armed with a poison that could steal the immortality from the divine. It snuck from its dark home up to the Goddess' bedchambers and stood over her sleeping form, poison from its fangs dripping onto her face. It did not notice the wolf god who slept at the foot of her bed until it was too late. Fenrir took the khastra in his enormous jaws and snapped it in two. However, the creature's poison had touched the sleeping Goddess’ lips, and her mortal form was now cursed to die. She gathered her friends, the Beast Gods, to her side.

Cernunnos: Without you, Estra will fall!

Kat: ⁠Cernunnos said.

Cernunnos: It is tied to the divinity we gave you.

Muninn: If you are mortal, then we will fall.

Kat: Said Munnin

Muninn: Our divinity is held within you.

Fenrir: If you die, I shall not live. 

Kat: ⁠Fenrir said.

Fenrir: You are my daughter, and I will rend the world in two rather than see you perish.

Kat: The Goddess held her friends close. 

The Goddess: No.

Kat: She said.

The Goddess: No gods, no Forces shall bring Estra down. Listen well for I will not let Estra die with me. 

Kat: And so the Goddess took a human lover and in time, became heavy with child. But as she grew, her body became weaker. When the time came for the child to be born, Fenrir brought her deep into the woods. Cernunnos prepared a bed of grass and leaves for her and Muninn a nest to serve as a crib for the child.

The Goddess: This is my end.

Kat: She told her friends.

The Goddess: But do not weep, for inside me is new life. And the gift of divinity which you granted me, will be kept alive. There will be a new Goddess. Never touched by the world below, and she will carry my spirit with her. In this way, I shall never die.

Fenrir, Cernunnos, and Muninn: Are you afraid?

Kat: They asked.

The Goddess: I shall never fear.

Kat: The Goddess said.

The Goddess: As long as you are by my side.

Kat: And so the new Goddess was born. And the old gods could see the child's shining divinity, which would keep Estra afloat for all time.

[‘Creepy Peaceful Space (Extended)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kat: And now we're gonna go back to Laika and the Goddess. You wake up as you feel the earth below you rock. And you wake up coughing and sputtering and spitting out sea water. And take you a minute to figure out you're on land again. You've made land somehow, but you just feel so tired. I mean, you just feel this sort of unspeakable weariness. And functionally what that is, is you have taken two Strength damage. 

Sophia: Is that permanent?

Kat: Uh, no. This is⁠—until you take a long rest. 

Sophia: Okay.

Kat: It's negative two to your base Strength. So when you open your eyes, you realised a lot of time has passed since you went unconscious. The sky above you is a light periwinkle and it seems to be early morning. 

[music begins playing at {39:54}. It sound like a more developed version of ‘like suspense but worse’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ but the actual song is not featured on the soundtracks]

Kat: And when you look over, you see the Goddess is next to you and she's gasping for air, laying on her back. Her eyes are open but she's not really responding to anything. So can I have you roll a medicine check?

[dice roll]

Sophia: Sixteen.

Kat: Okay, yeah. You press on her chest and get her to spit out the rest of the water, to cough it out, and turn her on her side so she's not choking on seawater anymore. When you try and rouse her, she's not responding to you. She’s just laying there, limp but breathing. As you look around you realize that you are on the top of a tall rocky cliff. You look over the edge and you can see there is just water down below you. As you look out over the horizon, it's all water, in every direction. And you kind of can't comprehend it? Like, you've never seen an ocean before.

Sophia: So, I washed up on an island.

Kat: Mmm, it's about twenty feet out of the water of sheer cliffs. So you've somehow ended up on the top of this island. It's not like you washed up on it. You've just sort of appeared there. Around you, there's one or two low shrub⁠-like trees, some tufts of grass clinging to the rocks, but not really anything else. Ahead of you though, you can see there's a much larger shoreline with some foliage and trees on it. But it's quite a distance and it's farther than you think you can swim at this point. You're just too weak, especially if you're carrying a limp Goddess. Otherwise, there's not much⁠ you can see. There's nothing.

[music concludes playing at {41:38}]

Sophia: So, a shore is something to me though! So I just want to⁠—

Kat: It shore is!

[begrudging laughter]

Sophia: Oh, god. And she's not awake? Does she need to be healed?

Kat: You can't tell. It doesn't seem like she's taken any physical damage. She doesn't have any cuts or bruises or anything.

Sophia: Okay. Well, I'm gonna say it's safe to assume we got on this cliff probably because of the Goddess, and that this proves she's divine. I think it's a miracle that we're alive. I'm pretty sad that everything I know is gone and my friends have disappeared. And my best friend Gingie is maybe dead. Uhhhh, but I'm fine. I feel great 

[laughter from Noel and Kaitlin] 

Sophia: and everything is normal and I'm gonna try and wake up the Goddess.

Kat: No, I mean, you pumped water out of her lungs like and she didn't respond to it.

Sophia: Okay, so in that case, I'm going to put her on my back and investigate the island. 

[dice roll]

Sophia: I got a sixteen.

Kat: With a sixteen, you look around a little bit more and you see a path down. It is on the far side of this small island, so you'll have to swim around it to be able to swim towards the shoreline. You're still going to have to climb a long way but you can see there's clear handholds and footholds. You think you're going to be able to make it down that cliff face rather than the sheer cliff you woke up on.

Sophia: Kay, I'm gonna go down that way.

Kat: Okay, what are you going to do with the Goddess?

Sophia: I have rope right? So I'm going to tie her around my bod.

Kat: Mhm. Okay. Roll a survival check. 

[dice roll]

Sophia: Shit. 

Kat: What'd you roll?

Sophia: I got a two, so that's a six.

Kat: Okay. Well, you tie the Goddess onto you back and you begin to climb down the cliff. Go ahead and make a Strength roll.

[dice roll]

Sophia: Thirteen.

Kat: [clicks her tongue] That⁠—I mean, your arms are screaming, your legs are burning. It just—it hurts to be doing this. Hand over hand, you are concentrating, you are gritting your teeth, but a rock slips and you're not able to grab on and course correct quick enough, and you fall backwards, and you fall into the ocean with the Goddess with you aaaaand…

[dice roll]

[‘like suspense but worse’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: Aww, and she comes untied. Your knots fail and she begins to float away from you and you struggle to get back up to the surface.

Sophia: I'm gonna grab her!

Kat: Okay.

[dice roll]

Sophia: Twenty.

Kat: You are able to push your way back up to the surface and you see her, she hasn't floated too far away from you yet, and you're able to swim over and sort of tuck her under your arms. But what do you want to do now? You're out in the open ocean. You could still swim back to the island or you can make an attempt on the shore.

Sophia: Well, I mean, I wanted to get to the shore anyway and I think it's important we get off this island, even though that's going to be tough.

Kat: Okay. It's not going to be easy but let's do it!

Sophia: Okay.

Kat: So make three Strength checks.

Sophia: Okay. [rolls] Twenty-three. [rolls] Twenty-four. [rolls] And that is twelve.

Kat: Okay. So you are feeling strong, you're able to concentrate, you pull in. You think of Buddy. You think of Buddy teaching you how to swim in the rivers and how he taught you to swim against the current. And you remember him holding you up as you, arm over arm, leg kicking up, kicking down, swam against the current and trained for this type of thing.

[‘like suspense but worse’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’begins playing]

Kat: I mean, he never knew you'd be in this situation but he wasn't the worst mentor in the world. You have some training for this, and you are able to arm, turn your head, breathe, other arm, turn your head, breathe, concentrate and dig deep and you're feeling good as you're swimming. Except, you haven't done this while trying to hold someone else up and you're able to make it and you're almost to shore when... she just slips out from under your grasp again. And you turn around and she's under. You don't know where she is.

[Sophia groans in frustration]

Sophia: Alright. Well, I go and I dive and I get her.

Kat: Okay. Make one Strength roll.

[dice roll]

Sophia: I got a twenty.

Kat: Niiiiiiiiiiice.

Sophia: It's not natural.

Kat: Oh. Well. Still niiiiiiiice. You dive under the water and you try to open your eyes at first and it stings like hell. Saltwater! This is not what you're used to! But you're able to get your eyes open and see the Goddess as she's sinking down towards the bottom. And you swim down and you scoop her up and you're able to break the surface again. And the waves have started to get much worse as you're getting closer to shore. But you are able to fight through it. You get her and yourself to this shoreline and you drag her up onto shore, and you collapse next to her. You made it. You're on dry land. You can see there are trees in front of you and bushes, but then you can see beyond that now. And all you see beyond that is miles and miles of sand. 

Sophia: So I'm going to check on the Goddess, ‘cause I know she wasn't looking good. Just to make sure she's okay. I'm gonna move her back towards the copse of trees. 

Kat: Yeah, okay. So you hold up your metal bracer underneath her nose and check that it's fogging to see that she's still breathing. You check her pulse, her heart is beating, and she is alive. She seems okay. You really don't know much more beyond that. So you want to hide her, you said?

Sophia: Yeah, I want to find if there's an area where I can like cover her up?

Kat: Yeah, you can definitely cover her in the copse of trees. It's not the best but you are able to sort of pick her up under her arms and drag her across the sand to the trees. And as you're putting her down, her hand catches on something in your pocket and pulls it out. You look down and it's the amulet that Zarun the greater wolf gave you.

Sophia: I pick up the amulet and after I finish getting the Goddess covered up and sheltered, I decide to break the amulet.

Kat: Alright, it wasn't the best shelter for the Goddess but you're able to cover her with some palm fronds and hide her in the underbrush. She may not be the most comfortable, but she's hidden. Once you're done with that, you look at this amulet in your hand and you just crush it, and it just sort of disintegrates. It has no resistance when you crush it. And for a second, nothing happens. And then the shards in your hands turn into crow feathers which speed out with enough force that they leave tiny cuts on your hands and your face. 

[dice roll] 

Kat: You take four damage. And at the same time there is this huge, ear splitting caw, and then nothing. It's silent.

Laika: Well, I guess that didn't do anything. Maybe it will be resolved later.

Sophia: Are there any survivors that I can see in the water?

Kat: Roll a perception check.

[dice roll]

Sophia: That's a nineteen.

Kat: Great! You look around and you really don't see anything on the horizon on the desert or along the beach, but as you peer out on the ocean, past the island you swam here from, you see a hazy, large figure in the distance. So you can't really tell what it is. With a nineteen, when the sea breeze blows toward the shore, you hear the sound of distant screaming coming from the open ocean.

Sophia: God dammit. I know like my instinct playing Laika would be that if there's people to help I should help them. And also those people might be my friends. I would assume that you guys are in the water too. So, I'm gonna use a spell called Find Steed first.

Kat: Tell us a little about what Find Steed does.

Sophia: Basically Find Steed is a second-level paladin spell. There's a limited amount of creatures you can summon, but it's really open to interpretation. Like a DM can decide, 'Oh, you can summon this or not summon this.' It's a vague spell.

Kat: Right. It is, and we spent a long time debating it. So when you go to summon a steed, and you immediately think 'What's gonna be the most useful for me right now?' and you're thinking like, ‘what—

Sophia: Water creature!

Kat: Water creature!

Sophia: Something aquatic anyways.

Kat: You're trying to think of an aquatic animal and concentrating on this spell that you've never cast before. And you're thinking about it and in front of you, it's kind of like the winds begin to pick up.

[‘sudden new jazzy tune’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

 And the form and they swirl into the shape of a quadruped, of a four-legged creature. And there's this little poosh! And that creature materializes right in front of you and it is a ginger-colored wolf. 

[several quiet gasps] 

Kat: It's Gingie!

Sophia: Oh my gooood!

[excited noises]

Kat: You were able to summon Gingie to you!

Sophia: I freak out. I run up to Gingie. I give her a big hug. And I—

Laika: Gingie, is it you?

Gingie: Yeah, it's me! I don't know what happened. It was all really scary and really dark and then suddenly it was very wet and I couldn't see anything and now I'm here!

Sophia: I start crying.

Kat: And her tail is just wagging, she's licking your face. Jumping on you. 

Noel: Wagging her tail. 

Sophia: Let's move on. I can't talk about this for too long. That's wonderful.

Kat: For a little background, Gingie is the only mount that you can summon. She is your mount, you are spiritually bound to her. And one thing you do notice about Gingie as now that you've summoned her is she does seem a little bit different. Her fur is a little bit shinier and it has sort of some silver strands in it, and she just kinda looks sparkly. She's like sparkly in the sunlight. And what has happened, more or less, is you have infused your paladin magic with your love of Gingie, which has turned her into your magical soulbound steed, which you can now ride in combat. And we'll get into some of the more mechanics of Gingie later when it's more relevant, but yeah. Welcome back Gingie.

Sophia: Uhh, I wanna ask Gingie something really quick.

Kat: Yeah, okay.

Laika: Gingie, do you know what happened to Fran or Corbin, or the other animals?

[‘sudden new jazzy tune’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Gingie: I don't know.

Kat: Her ears droop a little bit and she says:

Gingie: [upset] I don't know, it all happened too fast. I was there with Bae and Bura-Jura, and then all of a sudden everything broke apart. And I tried to stay but Bura-Jura flew away and then a big piece of building came down and I lost track of Bae. And then I was falling and I didn't know what to do and I couldn't find you. I don't know where any of them are.

Sophia: I calm her down. And I look to the ocean and then back at the Goddess. I wanna see—is there a fallen tree or a log somewhere?

Kat: There's some pieces of driftwood, a couple bits, but nothing substantial.

Sophia: There's nothing big enough that I could use as a floatation device?

Kat: Mmm. I mean, no, not really. Not that you see.

Sophia: I'm gonna cut down a tree.

Kat: Oh! Okay. Alright, cool. I'm gonna have you make a Strength check.

Sophia: Okay.

Noel: Don't you just have a sword?

Sophia: Yeah, I'm gonna chop—it doesn't have to be a huge tree. It just has to be—

Kat: Okay, so a small tree.

Sophia: It could even be a substantial branch that I can use to float.

Kat: Okay. Let's just see how good.

[dice roll]

Sophia: Well! That's thirteen?

Kat: It takes you awhile and it tires you out but you are able to chop down a mid-sized palm tree. But you are tired from this activity, it definitely drains you. But it'll float. So do you wanna just hop on in?

Sophia: I'm going to turn to Gingie and I say:

Laika: I think there might be survivors out there, and we have to try.

Kat: Alright—

Sophia: I take off my armor and we go.

Kat: Gingie just—she's aboard. She runs into the water and waits for you to get into the water and one arm around your flotation device and one arm around her. And you are able to kick your way out through the surf and out into the open ocean again. You guys make it through the current, it's hard but you do it. And as you swim out further you can hear something across the water. It's really difficult to make out with the wind and the waves but I'm gonna have you make a perception check.

Sophia: Eighteen.

Kat: Okay, yeah! Out there, in the distance, it looks like a chunk of land? With the bouncing of the waves and everything, it takes you a minute to figure out what it is, but it's a piece of Estra that has crashed down to the ground and is in the shallows. And on it, you can see figures moving. So there are still people alive, but that piece of island is way too far from the shore that they probably can't see it from where they are.

[‘now for this i guess’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: And just as you've seen these shapes on the horizon, Gingie, she gives a yip and she tosses her head. You look over in the other direction and you see… in the water, it's Zarun.

[‘now for this i guess’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ continues playing, fades out]

Kat: Fran and Corbin. You two have waited out the worst of the sandstorm in your magical dome and you're able to see out of it, correct?

Noel: Yes, we can see out. 

Kat: As the storm starts to ease up and visibility improves somewhat. And still everywhere you look, all you see is sand. You also realize the sky is getting much lighter. You've been in there for a long time, what have you been doing? Sleeping, having panic attacks?

Kaitlin: Sleeping.

Noel: Yes.

Kat: Trying to sleep and having panic attacks?

Sophia: I think you guys would probably talk about something for a little bit right?

Kaitlin: Yeah, I think—

Noel: Oh yeah.

Corbin: How 'bout that weather, Fran?

Fran: Ohhhhuhh, I'm trying to sleep, Corbin. For the fiftieth time.

Kat: And that sums it up. Okay.

[giggles]

Kat: But so let me ask, does this dome have a bottom?

Noel: No, it's just around and above us.

Kat: [evilly] Oh, okay, great! So you two stop arguing? Sleeping? Sleep arguing? And as the sand beneath you suddenly shifts and one half of the dome's floor begins to sink as the other half rises. It looks like there's something tunneling under you.

Noel: Mmm-mmm-mmm. This is that Tremors style!

Kaitlin: Graboids!

Kat: But before you're able to really react to that, you see outside of your dome you see someone running through the sand and they come up to your dome and begin banging on it. It's a—

[Noel gasps]

Noel: [whispering] It's Kevin Bacon.

[Kaitlin and Sophia giggle]

Kat: It's a young half-elf man, probably more like a teenager. He's dressed in Estran clothes and he begins banging on the dome and yelling—

Unnamed Half-elf: Let me in! Just open the—

[excerpt from ‘boppin evil fight’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: And before you're able to, a pair of huge, jagged jaws leap from the sand and get him in one bite. 

[Noel makes a noise of surprise] 

Kat: The creature attached to this—these jaws, is enormous like a... well it looks a bit like a shark, but on land. A land-shark, if you will. 

[giggles] 

Kat: With these massive jaws that just go all the way back to the back of its head. 

[excerpt from ‘boppin evil fight’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kat: It has these four limbs made for crawling through the earth and this smooth skin. And it looks directly at the hut next, as it finishes swallowing this man in one bite. It is in fact, a bulette, and it has begun to circle your hut.

Noel: [upset] Okay.

Kat: It has these small little eyes on the sides of its head and it's peering close to this hut but it's not able to move it.

Noel: Okay. What's the sandstorm situation?

Kat: Well, the worst of it has passed fortunately and you can see a lot further, but it's still going.

Noel: Okay.

Kaitlin: And the land-shark can't seem to get into where we are?

Kat: Well that's the whole thing, the hut—my interpretation of it, it says the creature cannot enter. I'm not gonna have it dig under. Like some fool.

Kaitlin: Alright.

Noel: So it's not gonna come in here.

Kat: It can't.

Kaitlin: I would like to try to communicate with the land-shark.

Kat: The bulette? Okay.

Kaitlin: Yeah. [rolls dice] That is a twenty but not natural.

Kat: You reach out towards the Bulette, and you put your hands on the dome and you're trying to communicate with it. And it seems for a minute like it's going to calm down, and it's looking at the point in the dome where you are. It seems to be able to sense where you are, and then it begins to dig. 

Kaitlin: Oh shit, you guys!

Kat: And it may not be able to get into the domes, but it is able to take sand out from under your feet.

Kaitlin: Oh god.

Kat: And the sand inside the dome begins to shift, and you're sinking but it can't get through under the dome so it just keeps digging.

Kaitlin: Mm. 

Noel: Mm.

Fran: [as though she is privately thinking about violence] Great job, Corbin.

Corbin: At least, I tried something.

[laughter]

Sophia: I love this.

Noel: Ohhhh. Fran just shakes her bald head. 

[more laughter]

Kat: Basically what will happen if this thing continues to dig, is that when the spell runs out, you will be buried in sand, all the displaced sand.

Kaitlin: I got some—I got some doozy spells. I'm ready to let this thing have it.

Noel: Alright, so before we go out, let's roll survival checks to like try to cover our faces and stuff.

Kaitlin: Ohhh. 

Kat: Good plan.

Kaitlin: Good—good, yeah, I have like blankets and shit. Whatever.

[dice roll]

Noel: Okay. I got a nine.

Kaitlin: Twenty-five.

Kat: Okay. So Fran, you are ready to just fucking charge out after this thing. 

[Noel laughs]

Kat:You've come to the decision, you guys realize there's no waiting out this thing. You're about to charge out and Corbin just grabs the back of your shirt and sort of pulls it up over your head, and says [in an approximation of Corbin's voice] ‘Cover your mouth!’.

[laughter]

Corbin: Cover your mouth!

Kat: You guys—you fashion mouth and nose covers to keep from inhaling the sand and the dust. And so the hut disappears as soon as you exit it, right?

Noel: Yes.

Kat: Okay.

Noel: And we know we're coming for it and it doesn't know.

Kat: That's true.

Kaitlin: Oh, maybe if we go to the far side of the dome and fire our attacks right away, we can get a surprise round on it.

Noel: Yeah!

Kat: Alright, so I guess it's time to roooollll initiative! 

[‘boppin evil fight’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: I have a seven.

Noel: I got a nineteen.

Kat: Okay so each of you get to make one attack and then we'll go into the initiative order. 

Noel: Okay.

Kat: Alright, so Fran is first. 

Noel: I am going to cast Fireball. The creature needs to make a Dexterity saving throw.

Kat: Oh, this thing has no Dex. Okay.

[dice roll]

Kat: Oh, mm. That’s a three . It does not—it is not a fast creature.

[Noel chuckles]

Noel: Alright. It's gonna take 8d6 fire damage. 

[dice roll] 

Noel: That's twenty-eight damage.

Kat: Ow? It's not super happy about that.

Noel: Yeah. Fran screams:

Fran: Go back to the ocean!

Kat: It doesn't—it's a land-shark. It’s never been to the ocean.

Noel: Yeah, but Fran is projecting. 

[laughter]

Kat: Alrighty. And Corbin?

Kaitlin: I'm going to cast a new spell that I got, called Call Lightning? A storm cloud appears in the shape of a cylinder that is ten feet tall with a sixty foot radius, centered on a point you can see one hundred feet directly above you. When you cast this spell, choose a point you can see within range, a bolt of lightning flashes down from the cloud. Each creature within five feet of the point must make a Dexterity saving throw.

[dice roll] 

Kat: Okay, yeah. It does not.

Kaitlin: A creature takes 3d10 lightning damage on the fail save. [rolls] That's a three. [rolls] Eight. [rolls again] And a four.

Kat: And now, we're in action. So actually, Fran you get to attack again.

Noel: Ha-ha!

Kat: The bulette is surprised.

Noel: I am gonna cast Scorching Ray.

Kat: [Singing either to the tune of Chocolate Rain] Scorching Ray.

Noel: Okay so this one I get three rays of fire and I have to make attack rolls for each one.

Kat: Okay.

 [dice roll] 

Noel: So the first one is an eighteen?

Kat: Okay, that'll hit.

Noel: So the damage is gonna be ten. The second one, my roll is over twenty. Woah! I'm getting super good rolls. 

[Noel giggles]

Noel: The damage is twelve. So the third ray... a natural twenty!

[noises of excitement]

Kaitlin: Oooh shit!

Kat: Alright! Roll double damage. 

Noel: Alright. Four of these. 

Kat: You guys are making quick work of this boy. 

Noel: [in disbelief] What is going on!? 

[laughter]

Noel: I got seven plus twelve is nineteen. 

Kat: Okay. Ouch.

Kaitlin: Damn.

Noel: Suck it.

Kat: That hurts. Well, it's gonna get some revenge on you.

Noel: [groans in distress] I hate this part.

[giggles]

Kat: Yep. So it is going to use Deadly Leap. You are going to need to make a Strength or Dexterity saving throw, dealer's choice.

Noel: Oh. Well I have minus one Strength so I won't be choosing that. I will choose Dexterity. Alright.

[dice roll]

Noel: Oh! And I got nineteen.

Kat: Nice, okay. 

[dice roll] 

Kat: And that is a seventeen to hit?

Noel: Yes. Oh. Definitely.

Kat: Let's see, you will only take half damage of this. Which is good.

[nervous laughter]

Noel: I hate this stupid land-shark.

Kat: So... four plus three, that's seven. Nine.

Noel: [distressed] Why?

Kat: So half of twenty-eight.

Noel: That's fourteen.

Kat: Yeah.

Noel: That's still not great. 

[Kat laughs]

Kat: So it leaps forward onto you, and you are just barely able to dodge enough out of the way, that instead of this thing landing on top of you—instead you only take big gashes to your chest and are able to avoid most of its bite, although it does scrape your arm with its harrowing jaws.

Noel: Okay, so only gashes through my chest. That sounds great. 

[‘boppin evil fight’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Sophia: Gashed open.

Kat: Alright. Corbin, it's your turn.

Kaitlin: Cool, cool, cool. So I'm going to send another bolt of lightning towards this guy with Call Lightning.

Kat: Okay, he's going to make a Dexterity save to try and get out of the way. I don't think he'll be terribly successful. 

[dice roll]

Kat: Oh, no he's not. That's a nine.

Kaitlin: Oh, that's great.

[dice roll three times] 

Kat: Ten, six, eight?

Kaitlin: Yep.

Kat: Fran, back to you.

Noel: I'm gonna cast Poison Spray.

Kat: Okay.

Noel: The creature must succeed on a Constitution saving throw. 

[dice roll]

Kat: Ooh, that is a ten.

Noel: Sprayin' all around. It only takes three damage.

Kat: Okay. Yeah, I guess it's gonna bite since…

[dice roll] 

Kat: Yeah, that hits. It's a seventeen plus seven so... yeah.

Kaitlin: How many hit points do you have right now?

Noel: Not a lot! Twenty-eight.

Kaitlin: Okay.

[dice roll]

Kat: So that's a ten plus eleven., so that's twenty-one. Plus seven—

Noel: So I'm dead.

Kat: You're—

Kaitlin: Oh, Jesus.

Kat: Yeah, plus seven and then another—

[dice roll]

Kat: —plus another eleven plus four. So you're very dead.

Noel: Yeah, I'm passed out.

Kaitlin: Right.

Kat: Yeah. The bulette grabs you in it's jaws and shakes you like a ragdoll and it throws you into the sand, just a little ways away from it and it begins to advance on you Corbin. 

Kaitlin: I'm gonna use Healing Word to cure Fran—

Kat: Okay. What's your word?

Kaitlin: —of her passed-out-ness. Oh gosh, oh gosh, umm—

Noel: Make it a swear word.

Kaitlin: You want it to be a swear word?

Noel: Yes.

Corbin: Tater tots!

[laughter]

Noel: Fran moves slightly more towards death.

[Kaitlin laughs]

Kaitlin: Alright.

Kat: You are able to stabilize Fran so that she does not—

Kaitlin: Make the saving throws.

Kat: —make saving throws—yeah make those saving throws, and you know, slip closer to death.

Kat: But the bulette is going to ignore her, because as it sees it, it’s got one down and one still kickin'. And it's its turn. So it turns towards you Corbin.

[dice roll]

[laughs of disbelief]

Kaitlin: I'm gonna die! I am dead.

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

[laughter continues]

Noel: Uhhhhhhhh.

Kat: That's a natural twenty. For those of you following along at home.

Kaitlin: Goodbye everybody!

[Kat rolls a bunch of dice]

Noel: Well, I mean…

Sophia: [far away from microphone] You’re not gonna kill them!

Kaitlin: Oh, I'm dead.

Kat: And that is forty-nine in the end. forty-nine damage.

Kaitlin: Yeah, I had thirty hit points so I am one-hundred percent, like, dead.

Kat: Alright. Ohhhh, Corbin. So, Corbin, as you are scooped up in this thing's massive jaws, you feel cold. You're blacking out. And just before you lose consciousness, you hear a bugling horn. 

Noel: Oh, thank god.

Kat: And you hear a long call of ‘Bulaaaaaaaaa! Buuluuwuu! Bulaaaaaaaaaaa!’ And you see this circle of these sleds come out of the sandstorm and they're piloted by huge orcs. And you see one of them throw a spear. And then you're out cold.

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ swells, continues and then concludes playing]

Noel: This anime beach episode sucks.

[all laugh]

[outro music]

[end]