New Ring, Same Name

The first thing people ask me since I got engaged? “So… are you changing your last name?” Spoiler: nope. In this episode of Lex Appeal, I’m talking about planning a wedding in your 30s, why I’m keeping the name I’ve built my whole life with, and what it really means to shake up tradition in 2025. Consider this your reminder that being a modern bride isn’t about following rules, it's about writing your own.

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Transcript

 This week, we are diving into one of the first assumptions people make when you get engaged, changing your last name. When I tell someone I'm actually keeping my last name. I get kind of a side eye, oh, you're so progressive. Look, I absolutely get the allure of the shared last name thing, and if that's your vibe, I totally support you.

But today I wanna talk about why I've decided to keep mine. Because while I'm gaining a husband, I'm not losing the name that's been with me through every step of the way. That led me to August. Let's start with the heart of it. My last name isn't just letters slapped on a driver's license. It's part of who I am.

My family's history, our stories, the way we show up in the world is all wrapped up In that name. It's the name I built my career with, but it's also so much more than that. It's the name I've carried through every stage of life. The name people know me by both personally and professionally. And when someone says Lexi White, it's not just a name.

It's my personality, my character, my reputation. It's the way I show up in the world, not just in work, but as a friend or a partner, a daughter, a stepmom, and. Just an all around a person. It's tied to the family that I love fiercely. They're the people who shaped me, and those are the roots that keep me grounded.

When I think about my last name, I think about my grandparents, my parents, my brother, and all the memories that connect us. And I think for me changing, it would almost feel like I was drawing a line between who I've always been and then who I'm becoming in my next chapter. And I really don't want there to be a line.

I want it to feel just like a continuation. And I think over the past few years, I've realized that changing my last name won't make me any more of a wife. It's not gonna like suddenly increase my love for August or give me like brownie points or something, but I do know that it would make me feel. Less me and I wanna talk about age because getting married at 35 hits way different than if I had done this at 25.

At 25, I might've still been perfecting my signature, but at 35, well technically I'm 34 right now, but by the time. July, which is when we're getting married. Next year comes, I will be 35, so I know exactly who I am at this point in my life, and I've had decades of writing this name on everything from exams and job applications to apartment leases, my mortgage and bar tabs.

Obviously, it's just been there for every milestone, like every introduction, every reinvention of myself, every accomplishment. At this point, it's not just a name, it's, it's my history, it's consistency, and honestly, it's my longest committed relationship In August, if you're listening, you're amazing baby, but you are still kind of new when compared to my last name.

Here's the part that gets me. It's so interesting to me that there are people who still think there's only one way to do this. Some women can't wait to change their names, and I love that for them because it makes them feel more connected, unified, like they're starting a fresh chapter. And then others keep theirs.

And that's really powerful too. And I just think both are very valid and both are beautiful. It's just personal preference keeping. It isn't about rejecting tradition. It's not me being rebellious. It's about honoring what I've built and bringing it with me. Into my marriage. I'm not starting from scratch just because I'm becoming a wife.

I'm just layering on, and I think that is the best way that I can honor myself and who I am and who I've become to where I can be the best version of myself as I become August's wife. It just feels like the truest version of quote wife for me. Also, sidebar, I've watched so many friends go through the whole last name change thing.

So I know how much work it actually takes. So if you have changed your name or if you're about to change your name, please know I respect the ever loving shit out of you because it's not, I know it's not just swapping a couple of letters. It is passports and driver's license, bank accounts, emails, utilities, work, stuff like it is your entire identity on paper, and it honestly just looks like a full-time job.

And so all the other things that I'm talking about aside, this also helped me realize that keeping my name isn't just sentimental, it's practical as well. Um, and saves me a lot of headaches. So a little tangent there. I also wanna talk about like people's opinions when you tell them that you're keeping your name, like I do have a lot of support or a lot of just people being like.

Oh, okay, cool. But I definitely have heard a lot of, not necessarily pushback, but just questioning it. Like, don't you wanna share the same name as August? Or don't you think it's a little selfish? And I think obviously my favorite one I think that I get is. Don't you want the same last name as your kids?

And first of all, I'm getting married, not entering witness protection, and with that like sharing the same last name as my husband, why aren't we asking the real question? Why isn't he taking mine? Also, to be clear, just like August never expected me to take his, I would never expect him to take mine. It's just funny that.

The default expectation always lands on the woman because that's just how it's always been. And then as for the kid question of, don't you wanna share your last name with the kids, it's an entirely different conversation because the answer to that is, well, I actually don't want my own biological children.

So it kind of makes the argument fall flat and. Then I get more appalled looks than when they find out that I'm not changing my last name. The children thing really throws everybody off. I think what's really surprised me though is just honestly, when I shared that, that I'm not changing my last name, is how many women have kind of.

Quietly told me, well, I kinda wish I had kept mine too. And it's almost like this secret that they don't wanna say out loud. And I think it says more about us as a society that like we forget it's even a choice. Like it's just expected. But I just wanna remind everybody that traditions aren't permanent.

Like they can evolve and so can we. So if you're getting married soon and you. Start thinking about it. Like don't be afraid to kind of, I guess, say, I'm gonna say rock the boat, even though it's not, it's not rocking the boat, it's just doing something different. Okay. But I do wanna play devil's advocate.

What would convince me to change my last name? I have a pretty short list, but it includes one, if I had a personal masseuse on call, day and night, as well as laundry that disappeared, dirty and then reappeared, perfectly folded and put away. Two, if my new last name came with a castle, like in Tuscany or something and with staff, I think that'd be pretty cool.

Or, and most importantly, if Taylor Swift herself came to me and said, Hey girl, I need you to take this last name for the greater good of the world. Yeah, I think, I think Taylor Swift could probably convince me, but otherwise, we're good here. I'm set. And I know some of you listening are probably like, well, what does August think about this?

And all I can say is I hit the jackpot in the future hubby department. I was really nervous when we first started talking about our future and getting married because I wasn't sure how he was going to take the news that I wanted to keep my last name. But when I shared that with him, his reaction wasn't confusion, no resistance, no frustration.

It was. Really simple, like almost like in passing, like along the lines, something like, yeah, it's your name I support whatever you like. Whatever you wanna do, babe. Like, I love you. And then immediately was like, well, you scratch my head. So. Definitely husband material, but seriously, it actually was a huge relief for me to have a partner that gets it and not just gets it, but fully supports it.

It's, he sees me as a whole, not as somebody who needs to morph into some other version of myself just because we're getting married. And honestly, I think that's what a partnership should be like, celebrating each other as we are not expecting edits. Sometimes I think about what my 25-year-old self would say if she heard that I was keeping my last name, I think she'd be shocked.

Honestly, I know the 16-year-old me would've like absolutely fallen out. 'cause back then, and I'll embarrassingly admit that. The boy that I'd be dating at the time, his last name would go behind my first name in my notebooks during class. So yeah, that's mortifying, but it's reality. And we're going to, we're gonna keep it really honest here, but along with that, back then.

I only knew of one woman who had kept her last name, and I remember at the time it blowing my mind and seeming really strange to me because I just thought getting married meant you automatically took the guy's name. Like I knew there was another option, but it was a. It was the exception. It wasn't the normal thing to do.

I just imagined myself practicing a new signature, getting a new monogram, you know, the whole thing. But if I could sit my 25-year-old self down the version of myself that was about to move to New York, I'd say, Hey girl. So here's the thing, lemme break it down for you. The next decade is gonna be all about figuring out who you really are.

You're gonna fall in love and you're gonna get your heart broken. You're gonna stumble and fall many times, but then you'll surprise yourself when you stand back up with how strong you actually are. And somewhere in the middle of that, you're gonna start a business and you're gonna build a reputation that you're really proud of, all under the name that you already have, and one day.

You'll decide that you don't wanna change your name, and then this guy named August is gonna come along and prove that you don't have to do anything you don't want to. He's gonna back you up and cheer you on, and he's gonna love you exactly as you are and who you are, and I hope she'd take it well. But let's be honest, 25-year-old Lexi was pretty sassy.

Not that that's changed at all, but she'd probably have some choice words about the whole thing. I just think it's really cool how much change can happen in 10 years. The girl who once thought changing your last name was non-negotiable is now confidently keeping it. And again, not out of rebellion or needing to break tradition, but purely out of respect for the woman that she became.

I just kind of, I don't know. I get sentimental when I think about this. I get a little bit emotional. It's, I'm just very proud of myself and who I've become. Because I'm not sure I would've ever pictured being here in this moment. I think I've felt in past relationships that I've had to change in order to, whether it's make the relationship work or morph into the mold that they expected me to fit into, and I'm in a relationship that does not expect that at all.

So bottom line, when people ask if I'm changing my name, I'm just like, Nope, I love this one too much. And I think. If they side eye me, I'm just gonna start hitting them with, it's 2025, babe, catch up. And if you're engaged or engaged to be engaged or single, just remember it's your name. You've gotta do what feels right to you.

Keep it, hyphenate it, change it, help make up a brand new one. Whatever. It's yours. You've gotta own it and you've gotta be proud of yourself and who you are. Whether you change your name or not, because at the end of the day, that's what really matters.