You Don’t Always Get What You Want, But You Get What You Need

What if the love you needed was already around you, just not in the form you expected? 

As we close out the year, I share a candid, unfiltered reflection anchored by a letter I wrote to my future self—equal parts prayer, pep talk, and promise. That note set the tone for a year that didn’t deliver the romantic love I imagined, but brought something more sustaining: pure love from my students and deep, steady care from friends who showed up again and again.

If this resonates, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a gentle reframe, and leave a review with one thing you want to hear next. Your ideas will shape the next season of growth we create together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:07

Hello, my dear passengers, and welcome aboard the Self-Growth Train, a podcast that combines personal stories, opinions, and research in order to better guide you through your self-growth journey. My name is Frances Marie Tivera Pacheco, and I am your guy. First, I just want to say thank you for tuning back into the podcast. Today is the last episode of the year, and I'm so excited because I decided I don't want to do the format that I usually do. I know that in the last episode I also improvise, but it's okay. Sometimes it's cool to switch things up and do it differently. And today I just want to have a full-on face-to-face conversation with you, and I want it to feel present. I want it to feel relevant, and I want it to feel very raw and very in the moment. So I don't want to research. I literally just want to talk to you. You, my dear passenger. I just want to talk to you, human to human, and tell you that you're not alone. Because that is, after all, the message that I'm always seeking to give in this podcast. So I hope you enjoy today's episode. So today is the last episode of the year because tomorrow is New Year's Day. And with New Year's Day comes resolutions, new ideas of who we want to become for the next year, and also new promises to ourselves about what things we are allowing and not allowing into our lives. But before we start rushing into becoming somebody else, I want to talk about who I was this year. And let me tell you, the woman that I was this year was a very exemplary, magnificent woman. Okay. This is no brag, no shame. This is like legit me being unbiased. Like the way that I have grown over the past year and a half is amazing. Okay. Like, y'all don't understand. Like my therapist says this all the time. She's like, you know, you definitely still have a lot of room to grow and you have a lot of lessons to learn, but bam, you have grown a lot. And I'm like, wow, somebody else sees it. Okay, good. Like it's not just me feeling it. And the reason that I've grown a lot is because I have allowed this version of myself, this Francis that I am today or that I was yesterday, evolve with time. I have not asked her to stay stuck into a specific certain mindset. I've asked her to look at the circumstances and change it accordingly so that way that she can benefit the most out of the situation. So that way she can grow the most out of every situation. And I think that's so important because a lot of times we're so focused on becoming somebody new that we forget to talk about like what we've accomplished and not accomplished. Because I think that's also important. You need to know what didn't happen. Because maybe the reason that it didn't happen is because it's no longer relevant to you, or maybe it's not a priority anymore, or maybe you're taking a break from it. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, let's look into it a little bit deeper. So last year I celebrated New Year's Eve with my best friend Ellen, and we decided to write each other, well, not each other, but like write to our future selves, okay? So this was our way of telling our future selves, congratulations, I'm proud of you. Or this is like the goals that you set out for yourself. I was supposed to open this tomorrow, but I wanted to open it here for this podcast episode. So I'm gonna open it, and I am going to read some of it because some of it I cannot read out loud. Just because it's private, it's between me and me, you know? So I'm gonna leave that to myself. But let me read this to you, dear me, future me. I'm spending my time with Ellen in our new apartment. However, I'm coming back to you today to congratulate you to congratulate us. This new year will help us break ancestral chains of shame, insecurity, and potential. This new year will bring pure love into your life, and as scary as it sounds, hold on to it. Fight for love always. This new year will bring you a partner worthy of your time, attention, energy, and resources. God, you're such a Capricorn. This new year will teach you how divine surrender brings about abundance of independence. Wow, I'm on a roll. I am amazed by our groundness, our divinity in Christ, and our majestic power hitting in identity. You inspire me to be, do, and remain better. I am so proud of you. I have been sharing for you for ages. Stay on track. I effing love you. I am never gonna stop loving you with love. FMRP. Wow. Wow. I just I know me and I know how I wrote this letter to myself, and I was hyped up. I felt very, I felt very inspired, and I felt very motivated. And I'm just I'm so glad that I'm reading the note for the podcast because let's let's dive right into it, okay? I told myself that I was going to find pure love. And for those of you that don't know, the way that I define pure love is love that is given unconditionally, is love that is not hidden, it's love that gets multiplied by both parties, okay? So that is pure love. And when I wrote this letter, I was referring to romantic love. Why? Because I had, I was still going through a breakup. Like, even though the breakup happened two years ago, like it, there's still residue feelings, there's still residue emotions, like you know, you're you're still going through it. So in that moment when I wrote my letter, I was thinking about romantic love. I was thinking that I was going to find, I even talk about it, I say I'm going to find a partner. And it's funny because that did not happen. I am still single, I'm still dating, I'm still hoping to find my one true love. But in the meantime, I have found pure love. And the way that I have found pure love, it's kind of crazy. And I'm gonna tell you how. It has been through my students. My students. So, as you guys know, I work at an elementary school, and I particularly work as a paraprofessional for a special needs pre-K class. And when I tell you, I go to work every single day with a smile on my face, and I leave every day with a smile on my face because every one of those children shows me they love me consistently. Now it doesn't mean that they're always good, it doesn't mean that they're always following directions, it doesn't mean that they don't annoy me sometimes, and it also doesn't mean that they don't drive me crazy sometimes. What it means is that every day I can expect them to tell me that they love me, I can expect them to hug me, I can expect them to call out for me because they feel comfortable with me, they feel safe with me, they feel vulnerable, and they feel able to be themselves. And that for me is a pure form of love that I have never experienced, and not to the level that I have been experiencing, because when it comes to children, children just give. They just give. They don't think about receiving, they just give. And that's the same way that I am. I always think about giving love. I don't necessarily think about receiving love. And some people have said that that's me not self-respecting, or that's me not self-loving. I will argue that it's not necessarily like not me respecting myself or not me not loving myself, it's more of like I have so much love in me, it needs to come out, it just needs to come out, and I have never met other people that felt the same way that I did until I came to this classroom. And again, like they feel their emotions, like they want to tell you, I love you, they want to tell you I feel safe with you, they want to tell you I volunte you, they want to tell you you care about me, and I care about you, and I missed you yesterday when you didn't come to school. And and why were you gone? And like, do you understand that you mean so much to me? Like, ask for your love, and I manifested that for myself, and I got it, but not in the way that I thought I was gonna get it. So I think that's a very important note to have that every time you ask, you will receive. But you might not get what you want, you're gonna get what you need. Let me say it again. Everything you ask for, you will receive, but it might not be what you want. Instead, it will be what you need. Clock it, clock it because that's important. And again, I told myself that I was gonna find a partner, that I was gonna find a partner because again, I was so focused on the romantic aspect of love. Why? Because I had experienced it for the first time for three years, and it felt great being in love, and I wanted to reciprocate that feeling, and I genuinely thought that because I had only ever felt it while being in love with someone, I needed to be in love with someone again in order to feel it. But now I've realized that this year I haven't got one romantic partner, but I have multiple platonic partners that give me that attention, that give me that love, that give me that validation. And it makes me feel so good to know that I'm surrounded by such beautiful, wonderful people that care about me and that are shearing me on and that are there for me. Just the same way that I am there for them. And what a blessing! What a blessing to say to the world, hey, I want romantic love, and the world, or in my case God, telling me, okay, I see what you want, but I'm gonna give you what you need because you don't need one person validating you with their romantic love. What you need is about 20 platonic individuals coming in, giving you that love because, girl, not only do you deserve it, but I'm going to multiply it. And so, oh, I just feel so blessed. I feel so happy about it, and I wouldn't change it. Okay, so I had to go back and get my letter because there's something that I said that was really powerful, and I wanted to say it again. This new year will teach you how divine surrender brings about abundance of independence. Let me tell you, if there is one thing I accomplished this year, it's divine surrender. It's knowing that I don't get this. It's knowing that in my case, because there's a God out there that I believe in and who I pray to and who I am friends with, he's got this. I definitely don't because if I'm the one driving the car, we're going to be in the ditch somewhere. And I'm not here to be on the ditch, I am here to be on the highway, and I'm here to be on the trip, right? So, having said that, divine surrender, oh, just knowing and saying, I don't got this. I don't got this, but you do. So let me keep you right here beside me and let me put you in charge. Let me delegate this to you because you got it covered. I don't. Wow, divine surrender has been the biggest blessing that I've manifested for myself this year. Okay, it has been the biggest blessing, and let me tell you, I've had car issues, I ended up having to buy a new car. Just so many things have happened. Issues of the apartment with like the AC and like my finances because like the AC was running. I don't know, it's just like a bunch of things, and I kept having like these little mishaps along the way, and some of them I would handle pretty well because you know I can handle some things, but some things I couldn't, and I was literally like, God, you are on speed dial, please take over. I am going to take a break, and I appreciate you. Thanks. And it was the best decision I've ever made. So, and I've said this before: whatever you believe this, whether it be the universe, God, science, some entity, hold on to them, and you know, and ask them for divine intervention. Because let me tell you, that's when real miracles happen, and that's when you really go, Wow, I'm God's favorite. I also said something about there being majestic power in my identity, and I think that's something that I manifested as well because now I feel like a brand new woman. I feel like a woman that knows who she is, knows what she wants, knows what she's going for, and knows what she needs to focus on. And that's just so important. And my dear passenger, looking back into these goals that I set out for myself, primarily romantic love, right? Romantic love did not come into my life because it stopped being a priori, it stopped being what I looked for once I realized that platonic love is just as fulfilling, if not even more, than having one person be your romantic partner. So I I failed, right? Parentheses, I fail at finding a romantic partner, but wow, did I win the lotto by finding all of these friends and fostering these friendships and making sure that the people that are around me are people that are in my corner? Like what a blessing to have that love multiplied so fully, so completely, so wholesomely that I no longer seek that outside validation of being worth to love by one person because I know that so many people love me. That's powerful. I I really, really I'm happy that that happened. And I'm glad that God has been blessing me that way because again, I asked and I received, but not in the way that I was expected. But wow, the way that I received, super dope and super cool, and I wouldn't change it for the world. But let me tell you what I want to do this year. This year I've been praying about it, okay? And I sat down with God, and God was like, yo, Francis, that's how God talks to me, okay? He was like, Yo, Francis, I keep telling you you need to focus on the podcast. But every year you come up with excuses and you get distracted and you do things that you're not supposed to be doing. And I was like, God, you're right, you're right. I hear you. So what should I do? And he was like, bruh, I gave you all these friends that are holding you accountable in other aspects of your life. What do you think I gave them to you for? They're also here to help you become a better version of yourself. And this better version of yourself is somebody that is self-disciplined and consistent when it comes to our podcast. So you better come back to these friends and tell them that they need to help you become a better version of yourself because that is the reason that they're here with you. And so, my dear passengers, you guys are part of this friendship group, and I want you to keep me accountable. I want you to send me voice notes, I want you to send me text messages, I want you to send me reminders, whatever. Send me ideas for episodes, send me things that you think other people might enjoy. Why? Because the podcast was created for me to help other people not feel alone, right? So that means that I need to start listening to you guys. And I need to have a you guys give me some input. And don't get me wrong, you guys do give me input sometimes, especially the people that know me personally in my life. They're constantly giving me input, they're constantly giving me ideas. But I want to talk to the people that I've never even met. I want to know how the podcast has influenced your life. What things would you change? What things do you love? What things do you want to change? So this new year, I'm really going to focus on getting to know you. I want to know what you need, and I want to know how I be I can become a better resource for you. So please, please, please help me because this is for all of us. This is for all of us to become better and to do this journey of self growth together. Well, my dear passengers, on to the next step.

unknown: 17:45

Bye.