This week I'm thrilled to have Kirsten Cobabe on the podcast. I've had the pleasure of chatting with Kirsten before for our membership program, the Natural Super Kids Klub, and it was such an insightful chat on supporting our teens.
Kirsten is a family coach and teen whisperer who specialises in supporting both teens and parents in navigating the waves of adolescence. Her intentional approach focuses on creating lasting connections through curiosity, presence, authenticity, and awareness. Kirsten supports parents in learning how to listen to and talk with their teens. She engages parents in personal reflection, embracing their new role, cultivating rapport, understanding the teen brain, transforming obstacles, and restoring harmony in the home
In this episode of the Natural Super Kids Podcast, Kirsten and I discuss:
Episode Links:
This week I'm thrilled to have Kirsten Cobabe on the podcast. I've had the pleasure of chatting with Kirsten before for our membership program, the Natural Super Kids Klub, and it was such an insightful chat on supporting our teens.
Kirsten is a family coach and teen whisperer who specialises in supporting both teens and parents in navigating the waves of adolescence. Her intentional approach focuses on creating lasting connections through curiosity, presence, authenticity, and awareness. Kirsten supports parents in learning how to listen to and talk with their teens. She engages parents in personal reflection, embracing their new role, cultivating rapport, understanding the teen brain, transforming obstacles, and restoring harmony in the home
In this episode of the Natural Super Kids Podcast, Kirsten and I discuss:
Episode Links:
Welcome to the Natural Super Kids podcast, where you will discover practical strategies to inspire you to boost the health and nutrition of your kids. I'm Jessica Donovan, a qualified naturopath specialising in kids health, and I want to make it as easy as possible for you to raise healthy and happy kids. Let's get into it. Hello everybody, welcome back to the Natural Super Kids podcast. I am thrilled to introduce you to Kirsten Cobabe for a conversation about parenting teenagers today. Now I've interviewed and had a chat with Kirsten before for a masterclass for our Natural Super Kids club members. So, if you remember, you can head into the membership portal and watch that conversation, which is also about teen parenting. So today on the podcast we're having a chat with Kirsten and, as I've shared quite a bit this year, you know I'm in the thick of teen parenting. I have a 13 and 16 year old and I am feeling out of my depth, let's be honest most days. So I feel like I got a personal coaching session with Kirsten in this conversation and I asked her all of my burning questions about teenagers and teenage parenting. So let me tell you a bit about Kirsten. She is a family coach. She's definitely a teen whisperer. She specializes in supporting both teens and parents to navigate the waves of adolescence. Her intentional approach focuses on creating lasting connection through curiosity, presence, authenticity and awareness. She has over 20 years experience with families and Kirsten supports parents in learning how to listen to and talk with their teens. She engages parents in personal reflection, embracing their new role, cultivating rapport, understanding the teen brain, transforming obstacles and restoring harmony in the home. In recognizing this unique stage of development, kirsten's mission is to bridge the widening gap between parents and their children, creating conscious and strong bonds. Through tailored strategies, compassionate guidance and proven techniques, she empowers families to pilot these pivotal years with understanding and grace. Kirsten's work is not just about addressing immediate concerns, but about lighting the path to a more empowered future, ensuring that today's challenges become the foundation for tomorrow's brighter relationships. She really is a breath of fresh air in this space For me. She reminds me that what we are going through as a family with two teenage kids is completely normal, and so I love that about her. You must follow Kirsten on Instagram, over at KirstenKobe. Her surname is spelled C-O-B-A-B-E. I will make sure the link is in the show notes, because her Instagram posts always show up for me at the perfect time and reassure me and give me some really practical tools that I can use to strengthen my relationship with my own teenagers. I know you're going to love this conversation. Here's Kirsten. Hello, kirsten, it's so exciting to talk to you again.
Speaker 2:I'm so happy to be here with you again.
Speaker 1:So let's dive in, and I'd love for you to share your wisdom. I know this is a big question, but I'd love your thoughts on what parents need to know when it comes to teenagers.
Speaker 2:So many things, of course, I think what comes to heart right now is that actually they really do care about what you think of them and they actually do want to hang out with you. What they don't want is to be nagged, and what they don't want is to have that transactional feeling relationship. They really want to be seen and witnessed like we all do, right.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. I'm a mum of two teens and I must admit I'm feeling out of my depth in a lot of days. So, speaking from experience, teens can often be resistant. I'm definitely feeling a lot of resistance from my 16-year-old at the moment, especially when we're asking them to do something. Can you explain why this happens and how we can improve this dynamic?
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, it's an important part of this stage actually, and it serves a really essential purpose. So part of it's their budding autonomy, right. It's sort of like the toddler year is just bigger and the stakes a little higher, because they're maybe driving and these sorts of things. So recognizing though that, no, is really important. It's not because they're disrespectful and want to disobey, it's because there's a part of them inside that's really becoming, it's growing right, that inner autonomy, that autonomy is budding and blooming. And we can also look to counter will, which is another part of all humans. But the stage particularly, which is really about if I sense an agenda, I'm not down with it and this is a really important, important, beautiful, almost like sixth sense that we want them to have and to keep. We wouldn't want them to just be blindly obedient to anything or anyone at any time. And so these are really important, important parts of the stage and age when we can see that that's what's happening, that it's not personal, it's developmental, and I think it can be really tricky because most parents are sleep deprived, stressed out. Also, your once child often feels a reflection of whether your parenting is good or bad, and it's like I mean, obviously there's a connection between you two because it's a dynamic and a dance, but it's not necessarily an accurate reflection of whether you're parenting good or bad, because there are these developmental stages and lamppost along the way. So you can actually kind of be there by their side when you remember that it's not personal, they're not trying to be disrespectful, they're actually sleep deprived and stressed out too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, such good points. And I was catching up with a friend with older children in their twenties a few weeks ago and I'm like, oh, how plucky, I need some tips on the teenage years. And she said my biggest tip is do not take anything personally. And you've just reiterated that.
Speaker 2:That's it it is. It's totally developmental. And if any, if any part of us does want to says it feels like there's something there and maybe it's not personal, but it's like, oh, I wonder why that bothers me. Beautiful, that's a beautiful wonder, because there might be some magic in that trigger. But I always say, like there's a treasure in the trigger.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that and getting curious right rather than kind of yeah, like that blaming, and I so relate to you. Know, they're like toddlers, but only bigger, and I think as parents, that can make it trickier, like we're in the process of moving house at the moment. In one of my bad moments I said to my 16 year old I'm like I think you were more helpful when you were three, mate, you know, because we expect more from them because they are bigger. I mean, he's bigger than me, but they are. You know it is similar to the toddler years in so many ways, isn't it?
Speaker 2:It really is, and they actually might have been more helpful at three, because at three they're like Mummy, like what are you doing? I want to be with you all the time, but when they're 13, 14, 15, 16, they're not. That it's not that same energy. When I say they still want to be with you, it's not in the same way as when they're three. It's completely different. It's quality over quantity. They want to complain and talk to you about their life. They just need to know it's going to be received rather than shut down.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, oh, that's so good. So lecturing our teens again I can speak from experience on this like gets us nowhere as parents. So what should we focus on instead? You know, for those parents who you know might be going to, you know, give a lecture to their teenager, like how can we stop and maybe think about what we're going to say a bit differently?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, of course, so hard to stop because we were handed patterns from our parents and they were handed these patterns and when there's not that other path laid out perfectly, or we didn't, we haven't any practice in it, it can be hard to go. Wait, I'm going to try something else. So I just want to honor how tricky that is and how sacred this role in this time is, and it's natural that it's going to feel uncomfortable and maybe even wrong at times, because it's when we realize our parents maybe could have done better. They did their best but maybe didn't work for us. We have to almost forgive them, in a way, and and also mourn or grieve, and that can be a hard thing to do. So I just want to honor that. Speaking in practicality, parents can sit down If they want. One of my friends told me this once and I loved it. Her name's Kaylee Kukla and she's like when you sit down, it totally changes what's going on in the brain. You can't, your brain can't be like it's an emergency run from the bear with our old, you know, hunter, gather brains. If we're sitting, then it's like okay, so put your feet in the earth, sit down, anything that can ground you throughout the day. Even it's harder in the moment if you're stressed and your teen is, you know if you're faced with this, so do it as much as you can, just for yourself anyway, and then in that moment maybe remember and notice when you start to lecture and you could just stop and go oh my God, I'm starting to lecture you, I'm stopping. Teens appreciate this so much because it's ended, it's honest, it's authentic. They also see that you're maybe growing and shifting and that's and that's what they're ready for is for you to listen more. 80 20 is a great sort of ratio If we want to look at are you listening 80 or are you lecturing 80? You want to be listening or like 80% of the time. We want to be listening 80%, and then maybe the 20% of lecturing kind of goes down a bit better with our team as well, right, yeah, of course, when we feel heard and seen, no matter how old we are, we're much more likely to be receptive to the wisdom or the insight that someone else has. When it's when we give permission for that, you know, we can be like hey, I have a couple of thoughts. Do you want to know if we even just offer that before just diving right in? We offer teens that control to choose. And another thing they really needed this stage in age is a sense. I mean a sense of control, obviously within safety and age appropriateness, but that really goes hand in hand with the autonomy that they're starting to grow and really cultivate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so true, and I, yeah, I love that like asking them, because they're probably going to say, yeah, I want to hear your thoughts, because then they're going to be intrigued, right, rather than just kind of diving straight in.
Speaker 2:And if things they know, then it's also okay, because then you can be like no problem, I'm, I'll keep listening, or let's make some food right and and it's not the right time, and that's. It's good to know that.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So do you have any practical tips on you know how we really do listen, how we really can listen to our teens?
Speaker 2:I think one of the most important pieces of this is actually learning to really listen to ourselves, and I say this because so many of us were indoctrinated, whether it be in school or society or specific people, to steer away from that inner knowing. You know, if we think about a child daydreaming in class about things they love, like an instrument or maybe a painting or anything, it could be anything that they love, that they're working on or are interested in. And a teacher no offense to teachers, because of the way schools are set up often it's like hey, attention, come back here Happens in the home too. Oh, no, get that done first or no, we don't have time for that. And or you're fine, you're fine, right. And instead of really being like, oh, what's that like for you? Oh, yeah, you wish you could be doing this instead. Or, oh, you're sad right now, right, we often sort of override culturally, and maybe even as parents sometimes, what's really going on for that kid. It doesn't mean they're going to know that you have to agree, or they're, or it's even something. That's true all the time, because everything with kids is pretty fleeting and that's okay. Good, they're moving it through, right. Those feelings like they come and go like clouds, but I would say really, what's your inner voice saying, what's going on within you, what's hard for you, what's scary for you, what's big for you? Maybe find support with learning how to do this, because it is something we all kind of have to relearn because we unlearned it. Yes, and so that's one thing parents can do before you know, and then maybe that'll feel so good and you'll want to do that more for your Tina. You really see how beneficial this can feel.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it does. It was like when I'm talking to parenting experts and that sort of thing often, always comes back to the work on ourselves, doesn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're creating. I mean, we're creating the reality that we're in. Of course, nothing's completely in our control, but we do get to choose our perspective. We get to choose what's most important to us. Teens are in this really special place where they're really cracked open because they're experiencing like four times the emotions that they did when they were little, and they're much more complex and they actually practice feeling them. That's why I say go into these moments when they're complaining, they're, they're in real life, asking you to guide them through how to feel these big feelings. They're not going to say that, but that's what's happening, because that's what's natural and that's the natural unfolding of the stage and age. We have to hold space for and trust that there is a natural unfolding, as much as we can just be a witness to it and allow, while keeping them safe, of course, but encouraging them to learn how to keep themselves safe too, yeah, and that's such a good way of looking at it.
Speaker 1:You know that they're practicing feeling those emotions. Yeah, such a such a tweak on the way we can look at, look at things and yet, like looking at our own triggers, is huge. I recently because one thing that triggers me I walk into my daughter's bedroom and she's got her blind shot and she's sitting there in the dark and it's a nice sunny day and I, like you know, march over to the blinds and open them and open the window and say let the light in, let the fresh air in. And it always leads to an argument between the two of us because you know that's. You know I'm walking into her space. So I said I bought this up with her a few weeks ago and she's said, yeah, I really wish you wouldn't do that when you walk into my room. I said, okay, I'm going to make a really big effort not to do it. And it's just, you know, the interaction between us when I'm walking into her bedroom has, like, dramatically improved since just stopping that and that was my trigger. You know I don't want you sitting here in the dark and the, you know, without any fresh air when the weather's so nice outside. So, yeah, it's looking at the. You know the things that are triggering us, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I can completely understand that. I am a total sun worshiper and we know the magic of sunshine and how important it is for us, and so it can be, it can be worrisome to see your teen in the dark. It can be like, oh no, of course you're going to feel like crap if you're sitting in the dark. And so that perspective shifted like, yeah, this is all. A lot of this is phases, and not that we would want to say that to a teen, but a lot of it is trying stuff on feeling their way through feelings and what. What you're thinking is probably so different than what she's thinking. And just that little you, you showed her that you listened to her and you made a different choice. And now you I mean, what I tend to see is when we can meet teens and that is, then, all of a sudden, they'll start like opening their blinds on their own, because you've allowed all this space for her to be in the darkness.
Speaker 1:Exactly. That's exactly what I found, and a few times I've caught myself out, you know, going to open the blinds, and then I'll say to her oh, I'm not supposed to be doing that, am I like the blind? The blind, you can be in charge of your blinds in your room, and just one. You know, it's just such a simple little thing, but it really has made a big difference.
Speaker 2:Teens are so from my experience, which is, like thousands of teens at this point for decades now, so forgiving and so open, when we can really just meet them where they're at, yeah, yeah. Even if it's under the covers in a dark room when it's sunny out and it's like, oh, life sucks right now. Huh, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, and maybe that's her mood right now, and that's okay. She doesn't have to be in a good mood just because the sun's out, right.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Exactly, yeah, yeah, so you know, sometimes when we're seeing our teens make, you know, bad decisions or decisions that we feel are wrong, it can be, you know, we can get in the trick of sort of blaming them and it can be a challenge to sort of zoom out. But I know that you talk a lot about looking at the environment rather than blaming the teen. So can you talk more about that to us?
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. You know, one of the best examples is probably school right now for so many. Right, it's like I hate school. Or maybe your child is having a hard time at school or even failing school, and sometimes it's very easy to go there's probably something wrong here, or my kid's not trying, my kid's lazy. And then, oh my gosh, and they're gonna be on my couch when they're 45, right, that's just like. Immediately goes to this horrible worst case scenario or never gonna graduate. You might be even getting the memos from school that that your child's in paying attention or that they don't seem to care, they're not motivated, and I I think the reframe is really like no-transcript. Yeah, how come that's not working for your kid? What are they learning about? What's the dynamic with the teacher like? What's the classroom setting like? Because we know in our bones we need sunshine, we need movement, we need people of different ages to interact with, we need to take safe risks, we need to make mistakes, we need to fall down, we need to have multiple safe people to sort of mentor us through life, and the classroom is not offering any of this. That's an actual environment thing and teachers are doing their absolute best within a really tricky system and last time I was in a school was 10 years ago as a therapist, and now I just do coaching, not therapy. But I know that even then, 10 years ago, it was really rough for a lot of teens to feel heard and seen in their experience of what they're going through. Whether it be a hard morning at home, they're sleep deprived. That's another kind of environmental thing. Right now that we're seeing Most teens are completely sleep deprived and that looks like laziness but it's actually their brain is not getting enough sleep for what it's doing and how much it's growing. And so that's another environment we can look to and what's natural, what's most natural in the stage. So yeah, looking to. It's like that quote right about the flower blooming If it's not blooming, we don't blame the flower, we look to the environment what need isn't being met, what passion isn't being supported. And now we have media kind of telling teens and what path and what place to be in and what group to be in, instead of again that like inner knowing. It's like when your kid is little and they were really like. A lot of us kind of knew our thing when we were little, or at least we were open enough to put. We were playing with all kinds of different things building, drawing, singing and then we find our place. Some of us know it really young, and then we get kind of like learned out of it. So I always look to what's missing, right? What is that need that's not being met or valued or honored? Does your kid need to actually be the leader in the class? Are they more of a listener? Do they need more group stuff? Do they need actually to be more solo for quiet if they're more introverted?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we could say the same for home as well. Couldn't we Like in terms of, yeah, if we're feeling like their behavior is off at home and I know we're in a bit of a cycle like this at the moment get up and get out of bed a bit earlier? Or my kids used to be real early risers and again this is a big trigger for my husband and I where up and walking the dog and doing things in the morning, and now we're in summer school holidays here in Australia and there they're dragging them out of bed at 10 am and then they need a couple of hours to wake up and have breakfast, and so it's midday before they're sort of getting going. But yeah, so just when you were talking, then I'm like, okay, what do we need to change in the environment? But this is fairly normal for teens as well, isn't it? This kind of the sleep cycles really change?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and we never look at a baby and go oh, that baby is so lazy. It could be like waking up now. It's been napping for too long. But we do this with teenagers, culturally speaking, in our societies. We're like shaming them for this need to rest. And if I went to a high school right now, I don't think I'd make it a week without being completely moody, totally irritable and like I'm done with homework. There's so many reasons and so I'm amazed when I look at teens and what they kind of deal with in the day, which is basically doing a lot of stuff they don't want to do all the time. That, plus what's happening. If we could magic school bus into their brain and see what was actually happening and how it's doing all of this with half the sleep they need, or two thirds, really is more of what it's like. We would just be shocked, yeah. And almost just like amazed I think yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because their.
Speaker 2:Canadian rhythm is very, very different. Actually, just like I was saying, with babies, we have very. We need very specific sleep in that stage in age and every baby is different. And then very specific sleep in the teen years. Nine to 10 hours is best and most teens aren't getting that. My friends wrote Sleepless Generation. It's a great book and it was written actually a few years ago. It's probably even more true now. I'm sure they'd love to talk with you about this because it's yeah, it's real. And then, of course, you as the parents are like how do I motivate my kid to get up and and and they're just sleeping all the time. And then they play video games and it's like well, of course, if the work is uninspiring, if the work doesn't feel relevant, if they don't feel connected to the material or the teacher or themselves, and then they're not getting sleep, oh my gosh. Yeah, of course they take every chance they can to sleep in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so true, yeah, and that you know they don't want to go to bed early, you know, so they're going to bed late, so they really probably, you know, do need that sleep until 10am some days, and the whole school system is not kind of, you know, like designed for teens and the way their brains work either, is it?
Speaker 2:Not at all. No, it was developed, at least in this country, in the Civil War era. It was like, all of a sudden, dads were in factories and then they're like, okay, now kids are going to go to school to train for this. I mean, we know this weekend you can look this up on the internet. The real history of school has nothing to do with child development and and I remember studying to be a teacher at one point and I knew I had to stop after a year I'm like this is not going to be good. I don't fit in this box. This doesn't seem like anything to do with what's appropriate for this, these stage development. It really is not designed to support it and that's why we're seeing, I think, so much stress right now. I mean, the kids are not okay In a lot of places. It's just really hard and even if your kid is a type A superachiever, they're still compounding so much into every day and they're sleep deprived and the human body, as we know, can't hold on to everything forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, can't just keep going and going and going. Yeah, yeah, that's so true. Yeah, we're really lucky my son's at a trade school because he's been very interested in you know, doing like his very hands on, and so, yeah, one of our local schools offers a trade program so they do sort of you know, the minimal kind of academic work that is needed for them to finish high school, and they do lots with their hands. So they're, yeah, like sort of starting in the trade of choice, whether that's, you know, carpentry or electricity or whatever. So, yeah, he's just thriving there. But I really don't think he would be coping at a mainstream school for the reasons that you've talked about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean in all children, and definitely boys in particular. They're meant to be moving things, building things. You know like I mean all of us, in different ways of course, but it is such an amazing time for boys to be physical and in good ways and really age-appropriate ways and beneficial ways, and also for anyone. This is such a time of let's open this store and see what's going on in there and let's get gain practice and maybe mastery and the skill that I'm interested in, and so that's so beautiful that you guys have that option. It's way more appropriate for what makes sense and what we know about the stage and age for it to be a falling one's path and also just being more active. I mean, there's so much sitting it doesn't work for us humans. We're made to move.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what happens in the later years of high school at least. You know it's more sitting and less moving. You know a lot of kids don't do any sort of physical like physical education at all, you know, depending on what sort of paths they are going down. So yeah, it just doesn't make sense, does it?
Speaker 2:No, I was talking with a friend recently about I don't know if you've heard of agile learning centers. They used to have a different. They've popped up all around this country and for decades now, and we were talking about even positive peer pressure. That can happen. It's a really beautiful way of learning, similar to a trade school. It's really like similar to Montessori. You're kind of following your, your passion, and there's specific things they do. It's beautiful. But this topic of positive peer pressure was kind of great because it's when you're around people that are sparked and lit up and stuff you. You too, want to feel that and follow that, and it's especially when it's authentic and truly integrated and real. There's there's nothing that can really replace that, and so when a when a group of kids you know are all around each other having a great time and learning what they love, it's contagious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, definitely so for anyone listening, if you know your kids, your kids are struggling at school just knowing that there are alternatives out there, obviously, depending on where you live. But, yeah, highly recommend looking at looking at some alternatives and not sort of just sticking with mainstream school if it's not working for your team.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and even if I love to add this, because even if there's no other option, for whatever reason, your family does not have other options there's so much beauty and listening to how hard it is for your team going back to what we've started with, Even if you can't change anything. Be with them in how hard it is, because there is nothing worse than feeling alone when things are hard, especially for a child, right? It's like painful, truly painful. And so if you can't change anything for whatever reason, or you haven't found the way to change something yet the environment then be that environment that they need. Be right with them along the way and also ask your school is there an option here for this class? Can it be online? Is there an option for no homework? Because sometimes there is and they won't tell you till you ask.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, yes. Keep asking the questions and I love that. Just keep listening. Rather than well, you know the comments that sometimes you know automatically come out of us because of the way we've been parented. Well, you're lucky to be able to get an education mate, or you know things like that. But sometimes you know not well, not like sometimes we say and I'm not helpful at all when a teen is going through hard times.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, because a teen hears. Part of my job is translating for parents what what your teen is actually saying with the I-rolls and their words, what that teen and you know, vice versa, but what what the teen hears, and that is. I don't care that it's hard for you and I don't have time to listen, and you should be grateful, no matter what. Your experience doesn't matter, even though you're not saying that that's what they hear. That's what they hear, yes, and then we wonder why then they don't share Right, then they close up. Well, this isn't a safe space to share how hard things are for me or what I don't like, and it's. It's a really missed opportunity because when we listen to what people don't like, we learn about what they love, if we can really listen and be present.
Speaker 1:Oh, love that so many. I'm going to have to listen to this episode over and I do have one more question before we finish up. So I'd love, because that, you know, the teenagers can be filled with a lot of conflict and you know, really, I think most of us parents really just want to feel more connected to our teens and our teens want to feel more connected to us as well. So can you share some practical tips on how we can move from that dynamic of conflict to more connection with our teens?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we've covered some of it already and so I can sort of piggyback a little bit the listening, do the work. If there is a trigger, that's for us, it's like a gift for us to find that treasure. And I would also say it's not about no conflict, like having no conflict ever. It's even a reframe of, okay, conflict. What is this? Oh, like we're not seeing this, this, the same way, we haven't found the common ground with this. Or my teen feels very passionate about this, or right, like not liking school or something, for example, or really loving soccer. You know, this is this type of stuff and so we can. But if it's about something like chores I have I've seen such magic in those moments of conflict we're just like, ah, oh, my gosh, I can't believe you won't just do this thing, do it with them, or collapse on the couch next to them, be like I wish we never had to do chores ever, like going into that and allowing space for their experience, and then they can go yeah, it's so stupid. And then you might be like let's do it together. And then you know, and then whatever. And then you kind of talk about the next thing you'll do, and maybe it's something that they'll actually enjoy. I find so much magic like you were saying before, we can meet them where they are. There's almost this exhale Like it's okay that I hate taking out the trash my mom's not mad at me for that, I can breathe again and actually I'm more open to doing it, and especially if she'll do it with me and then utilize that moment that could have been a huge blowout to model self regulation, engage them in co regulation and then show them how to do the chore. Of course, they likely know how to take out the trash, but at the same time, some teens actually don't have that much practice with it and they are tired, and so even just having your company might be a massive shift in your dynamic and also the ability to just get that thing done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you can use it as an opportunity to spend time with them, because you know we all need more of that. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. Most parents say that to me, like, oh, I wish I could see my team are great, so do these things with them. Be right there by their side. Instead of that a hammer coming down on them, another sort of authoritative voice that's just chipping away at their joy, Like and I don't mean be passive or permissive, that's not at all what I'm saying You're still the adult and the guide. As your relationship strengthens their desire to follow and be part of your family community totally shifts, or at least can totally shift.
Speaker 1:Yes, Beautiful. So many great tips and it's just reassuring to have this conversation with you for many personally. But I'm sure all of our listeners will really enjoy this conversation as well, whether they have teenagers or whether they're heading into those teenage years. So can you tell our listeners a bit more about what you offer and where they can find you online?
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. I offer coaching for parents and teens sometimes whole family, depending on the dynamics and you can find me at kirstencovabecom or that's my handle, so feel free to reach out, send me messages. I try to reply to every comment and message. And also, if anyone wants, I'm still offering, as long as I possibly can, this free 30 minute call, one per family, if people just want to just feel that, have that experience. Sometimes a half an hour can be really enlightening and feel really, really good, so that's why I still offer those.
Speaker 1:Amazing. Well, we will pop the links in the show notes so that people can find all of that really easily. Thank you so much for having this conversation with me today, Kirsten.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I always love seeing you. It's just wonderful to be here. So great to chat.
Speaker 1:See you later. Thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. Head on over to our website, naturalsuperkidscom for the show notes for this episode, as well as a whole heap of inspiration to help you raise healthy and happy kids. I'll see you next week.