Ever wondered about the key differences between coaches and therapists? Join me and my dear friend Cat Larsen as we dive into an insightful conversation about these distinct professions, and how working with professionals trained in the color code and character code can offer immense benefits. I also share my unique approach as a mental health practitioner, helping clients uncover and tackle the core issues causing them pain.
During our chat, we touch on the importance of embracing a positive mindset and the role of supportive partners in reminding us of our achievements. Cat's son also joins the conversation, sharing his experiences of self-discovery and adapting to his new life as an engineer. Discover how coaching can serve as a powerful tool for personal growth and how striking the right balance between taking ownership of our actions and learning to let go can lead to a more fulfilling life. Trust us, you don't want to miss this enlightening discussion!
Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.
Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.
Ever wondered about the key differences between coaches and therapists? Join me and my dear friend Cat Larsen as we dive into an insightful conversation about these distinct professions, and how working with professionals trained in the color code and character code can offer immense benefits. I also share my unique approach as a mental health practitioner, helping clients uncover and tackle the core issues causing them pain.
During our chat, we touch on the importance of embracing a positive mindset and the role of supportive partners in reminding us of our achievements. Cat's son also joins the conversation, sharing his experiences of self-discovery and adapting to his new life as an engineer. Discover how coaching can serve as a powerful tool for personal growth and how striking the right balance between taking ownership of our actions and learning to let go can lead to a more fulfilling life. Trust us, you don't want to miss this enlightening discussion!
Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.
Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.
Hello listeners, this is Dr Taylor Hartman, with Very Best of Living. We are always happy to have you with our podcast and joining us on this journey that we're on. I'm with my good friend, kat Larson. Hello Kat, how are?
Cat Larsen:you. Hello, taylor, i'm great.
Taylor Hartman:Yes, now she's trying different accents, since she's back from Amsterdam. She thinks she's a world traveler and she can never speak just one dialect, so it'll all be something new. We always enjoy that so much, and today she actually pulled a rabbit out of the hat. We are going to have her son join us and Kate and I are going to get a chance to do a coaching call And I'll introduce him in a minute, which I'm very excited about. It's interesting.
Taylor Hartman:So I'm going to ask me, for example, what's the difference in coaches or therapists? And I wanted just to address that for a minute and let you know that we actually have now coaching packages that you can actually sign up for and pay for on the website at TaylorHartmancom. You will find yourself so much better off by working with people who have been trained in the color code and the character code and will actually give you options to grow rather than just listening to your story. They will actually suggest ways that your life can improve in the process. So the biggest difference actually in a coach and a therapist is that coaches cannot diagnose behavior and they cannot bill insurance. That's the biggest difference. So if you're working with someone who's schizophrenic, for example, a coach cannot diagnose. That It does not mean that coach may not be effective in working with people like that, but that may not be their expertise. And there's also therapists that's also not their expertise, even though they can actually claim to diagnose it and treat it.
Taylor Hartman:So what coaches do is they treat mental illness that is not standardized as part of the code that are psychologically imbalanced. There are people who are struggling with life issues, choices, decisions are making, self-identity concerns. So much of what I've always done as a mental health practitioner and therapist are what coaches would do just for fame. What you have to understand that, what you're always looking for, is somebody that will move you down the path of growth. So my expertise has always been that I love people very easily and I am very direct. That's my combination, and so you'll find that our coaches are trained in that same format because they work with me to teach them what we're looking to pull out of clients and help them along the way in life. So that's the essence of the difference there, kat. Any questions about that for you?
Cat Larsen:No, i would like to put some emphasis on the word. very direct, so get ready.
Kade Larsen:Yeah, very direct Very.
Cat Larsen:But and Taylor, why don't you? can you talk just a little bit about that approach and why?
Taylor Hartman:Yeah, the reason that I feel people are in pain. If I had a medical emergency and I had to go to a medical doctor, an ER, i would not want them to talk to me about my pain. I would want them to solve the problem. Like, give me something I can do. So in mental health, i find that many mental health practitioners they are like an ER doctor sitting there and when you walk in they said tell me how this feels and what would you like to accomplish if we could really be successful today? And then let's tie that to your childhood and how that might impact who you are.
Taylor Hartman:And there's never like an urgency is probably a good word an urgency to where does the pain hurt most and what is about that pain that you'd like to kind of address? And are you willing to put on your big boy or big girl's shoes and pants and address that, or do you want to be just heard and listened to? So I'm very direct about like what is it you'd like to see happen? And then I tell them or my expertise is is I would like to help you discover the core issue that is causing you the pain and let's address that. So it'll be more painful than if I were to say let's beat around the bush, talk about things that are easier and even let the client direct me that way, because clients will actually come to you and direct you away from the real issue, unless you're really good at saying that's not what's gonna solve this problem. Let's talk about where the real core pain is. So your intuition as a good therapist or good coach comes into play when you're able to go. We're not hitting the real issue here. That's not happening and it won't help you. So let's address those things. That's what direct big purchase right.
Taylor Hartman:Love it, okay, Okay, so, Kate. so I want to introduce this young man who is terrific. Kate is a blue Kate, would you like to say hi?
Kade Larsen:Howdy, it's very interesting hearing all your voices without the intro music Like the little. Yes, yes, I was like I need to play that. Forget that.
Taylor Hartman:Yeah, this is the backstage right, exactly So. It's great to see you, kate. It's been a long time And, as I understand, you're moving and you've got a girlfriend and life's good. You've got a good job as an engineer And starting out in life, right?
Kade Larsen:Yeah, it's been a big step, but college was a really great opportunity for me to figure out who I was, and I'm still figuring it out, which has been kind of a cool step. It's not like, hey, we're done with college, you're finished. It's like no, there's a lot more work to do. So embracing it instead of trying to figure out like, oh, i'm doing something wrong, has been pretty cool.
Taylor Hartman:Oh, I like that. That's really good. I always think it's more important for someone to learn like to want to read than to finish the book.
Kade Larsen:So who you?
Taylor Hartman:learned about life was I want to learn more as opposed to I'm done. Now I graduated, I'm real impressed. That's very cool. So, okay, I want to ask you a question. You know you haven't successful. Why is it? success is hard for you to embrace. What is it about that concept that makes success hard for you to embrace When, in fact, you have been?
Kade Larsen:I think it's this sort of negative connotation that I have towards my own success. Where I can look at someone like my mom or my dad or my sister and be like, whoa, they put on pants this morning, that's a win, that's a success, where, to me, i always compare it to where I could be. I keep thinking like, hey, i succeeded on this, but it could have been more. And because of that I always think I need to keep pushing. I always need to keep going. I always have a little bit extra I can give when in reality, that's going to end up hurting me more than it helps me.
Taylor Hartman:So I talked to a man the other day who was a marathon runner and he actually was very, very fit, very, very driven, loved running And he completed all but two miles of a marathon and his legs gave out. He was thirsty, he was broken, he was done. I said, oh, that was disappointing, wasn't it? And he goes? no, not really He goes. I actually realized I gave it my all, I did everything I could do. I'm thrilled I ran And I'm like, oh my gosh, you're like a poster child, Like that's a great way of looking at right.
Taylor Hartman:I mean, his shift of perspective was I wanted to run it, i did run it and I gave it all I had. Now, your difference in that is you're thinking I always have more in the tap. I could actually always believe I could do better, whatever it might be. Is that correct?
Kade Larsen:Very much so that in any situation I can always have done a little bit more. And then it becomes like a little self-deprecating, it's like, oh, but you could have pushed harder. You know that sort of negative mindset.
Taylor Hartman:So how does that affect your ability to enjoy what you did accomplish, like what you have done?
Kade Larsen:It makes it very like it's after the fact. Like my girlfriend is very supportive. I actually also recently did a marathon. Didn't do the whole thing, It was part of a relay team, But I kept thinking, oh, I'm not hitting this pace, Oh, I'm not hitting this time. And she was really good about like yeah, but when you started you were at like running 12-minute miles and you ran the whole thing at a time and it pays her, however it works out, So it becomes very after the fact. I can't celebrate it when I do it.
Taylor Hartman:It's like, oh yeah, I have to reanalyze it later on, and almost it comes from someone else telling you Exactly, i can't give it to myself. Well, no, why would you do that? Yeah, exactly.
Kade Larsen:That's too easy.
Taylor Hartman:But I like is that you're dating a girl who is the opposite. In that sense That's very smart. It actually brings to you what you need to remind you that it makes you better. But I want to address the core issue of why I'm not enough. Ok, and that really could be a life challenge for you. Like, the reality is you could have a great career, you could have kids, you could have a marriage, you could have all those things and still say, yeah, but if I had been more of this right? So part of the problem here with you and you're very blue, so we know blues struggle anyway with expectations Like, you're always setting yourself up for an expectation, right, yes, and it's very much high right, it's never like medium, it's high right. So if I were to say to you I want you to decide right now to accept I am a positive person. I want you to think about yourself as a positive person. I will choose to look at what was right about my college. I will choose about what's right about my career. I will choose to accept what's right about me as a son. I am well aware that you can always add on, but I could have been, but I could have done, but let's just start with the one I choose, i choose.
Taylor Hartman:Victor Frankl talked about that in his delicious book Man's Search for Meaning When he's in the concentration camps and he goes. The one thing they could not take from me was the right to choose. I could always choose. Once people gave that up, they abdicated it, they died, they lost the motivation I want to suggest for you. You are choosing to be negative. You are choosing to be less than and in some form that's giving you something you want or you wouldn't do it. Now you're going to think what? How does that benefit me? Why would I do that to myself? The question is why do you think you choose that versus saying I'm a good kid, I make good choices? Why is that?
Kade Larsen:My immediate thought is because it's some form of motivation, it's some form of like. I don't want to say like extra fuel for the fire, but it's that little like push harder, come on That old mentality of work harder, get better results.
Taylor Hartman:Yes, so good. You are buying into a paradigm that you actually believe. I'm better off being negative. Yeah, so what if I were to say to you but the problem I have with UKD is, knowing how blue you are and how devoted and committed you are to the process, you don't need extra motivation, you're always going to show up. You can not show up. You'd feel guilty if you didn't. Exactly, you're going to complete the task, going to do the things that need to happen. What if I were to say just try this on like a new shirt. You know what? I really am motivated, just being who I am as a good human being.
Taylor Hartman:I care about people that I work with. I care about my performance. I care about my spouse, my girlfriend. I care about those people. I'm going to show up. Fine, i don't need extra motivation. I need to be nicer to me, see if you actually drop your game, see if it gets worse or if it gets better, if you're happier or you're less happy. Let's do a little research project. Totally, yeah, but the thing about that is that, at the end of the world, i don't think so.
Kade Larsen:I think with any new thing, there's going to be a little bit of a learning curve to the fact that this has been my habitual state of mind for a long time. Right, right, get to work. It's like, oh, answer all the emails, talk to this person, get all this done. It's like that's what I guess I've set up myself for my day-to-day to be. Now the effort is not going to go into actually being nice to myself. It's doing that instead of everything else that I've been doing.
Taylor Hartman:No, that's really good. It bothers me when someone is really talented, like you, will show up, get things done. That's who you are by nature, but you're not enjoying the game. You're too busy meeting deadlines and critiques of yourself, and it could have been more like this, and so you're missing the joy, right? So I'm asking you to trust me when I say you are the kind of person who absolutely is already motivated. You're thinking I have to be this way or I won't be as good as I should be. I'm thinking, no, i think you're not enjoying the game. You'd be just that good anyway.
Taylor Hartman:But I want to add the element of just enjoyment, like I like being at the work, i like knowing that I will complete a task, i like knowing that I'm trustworthy, those kinds of things you carry. And I'd like you to pick like three things, just words that work for you, that are positive. They're always positive and they're never negative, and I want you to put those in your mindset. Like, if you choose, you're deciding your identity is going to be now, i am a positive person and you get over the hurdle, right? Well, i wasn't so positive today. Maybe I'm really not meant to be positive. Is you have to commit that throughout that entire process, you're going to keep saying these three words about you that are positive. So give me one of those words that might sound right although it's a stretch, that's positive, and if not, i'll ask your mom.
Kade Larsen:Yeah, i was gonna say that you have a very good word bank right. Here I want to say enjoyment or excitement, some form of the way that I experience things. I find I derive a huge amount of joy from the way that I or from the music that I listen to or the things that I do, and so embracing that more because if there's already, some light coming from it. let's keep going. Let's chase that down even more. So, First of all, that's very positive.
Taylor Hartman:No, that's very good. But you're saying appreciate passion.
Kade Larsen:I like that. Yes, appreciate passion, or, if we needed one word, just passion.
Taylor Hartman:Yeah, i like that, and so we're accepting that. We're not going to say, well, i could be more passionate or I could have done this and it would have shown my passion more. I'm just going to own, i am passionate. Yes, and that's a positive Yeah, right, ok, very much, all right, i'm going to need to pick, then two more. We won't do it today, but I want you to think about OK, so if I've got that now, i'm going to live by it And just so you know something, just so we can kind of prepare you.
Taylor Hartman:There are people who will mock you for doing this. There are people who want you back in the old box. They're more comfortable with that, or they are afraid themselves like a lobster. They're going to pull the other lobsters down. They won't let you get happy because they would then be challenged. That's why they're unhappy. Right, just know that, right, yeah, so our commitment is going to be that, no matter whatever anyone says or does, for one month you will play with that word passion. You'll accept it, you'll embrace it, you'll enjoy it Absolutely.
Kade Larsen:That sounds like it sounds doable but, like I said, it's going to be a learning curve. Just be consistent with it 100%.
Taylor Hartman:And you know what It'll bring its freedom, but not initially. At first it'll be like it's work, like it's hard to do it, but what you're going to discover is, if I have identified now as positive it fits, i can get there Absolutely. My accountability with you is going to be I want to see what happens to you when you actually embrace that, think about it, say it at least twice a day, those three words, whatever they are repeatedly right, and find the joy of what you really bring to life, just as when you are. Is that what that worked for you?
Kade Larsen:That sounds fantastic. It's already bubbling away for the other two words.
Taylor Hartman:So it makes me so happy because you deserve to enjoy more than you do, because you actually pay your dues, you show up, you're genuine, so you're taking away from yourself things you actually have already earned right, very good point. Yeah, thank you. That's going to be our work. So tell me how this worked for you today. What were your feelings when going through the process?
Kade Larsen:I knew, going into it, that it was going to be something that I'd had to confront, and so, in something actually in a book that I'm reading, it was Embracing Challenges with Open Arms, kind of thing It was like hey, guess what We're going to go through this together.
Kade Larsen:So I kind of thought about it like hugging it, like guess what? You're in here with me, let's go Letting it flip away because I'm scared or worried or I'm going to say the wrong thing. But I also knew that it wouldn't be right now. It wouldn't be like, hey, i'm going to end this phone call and be perfect. There's going to be things to work on And it'll manifest and change and morph and dance into different things. And that's what excites me the most about these one-on-ones or these sort of talks where it's like you could start in one place and it will solve or it will help somewhere else, because it's not just one answer for one problem, it's everything, it's a whole personality thing.
Taylor Hartman:See, that's cool, and I really love the idea that you're saying I'm not looking for the results today. I'm looking for a shift in my identity and my systems. What I'm going to do, like read those things in the mirror And the other thing that I, like you sound like you would like to be able to have the dialogue Again, like, all right, here's what happened to me on this journey. Here's what I experienced, right? Yeah, that's what a good coach would do. They would actually take you down that And you know you have them. They want to hear how's it going, and you don't have to be perfect. You have to share your journey, right? Very?
Taylor Hartman:much so, so let me ask you this Would it be helpful to you if someone were like a coach, were to text you once or twice in the week and say tell me how that's going for you?
Kade Larsen:I don't know to be honest, i feel like there are certain aspects to the coach. Player. Air quotes player.
Kade Larsen:Communication where something like this I don't like what we had just spoken about. I don't know if a week like a like a two times a week update would have really worked for me, because I feel like this is something that I need to see over a couple weeks or like a long-term goal, versus, like you know, changing my Like personal vocabulary or how I talk to myself, like those little things that can change. But there are certain Things that I've worked through, that I've gone through with other people that is like, yeah, i need a day-to-day check-in you know.
Taylor Hartman:No, i really like that. You shared the insight that good coaches would ask the client and is that helpful to you? and Let them be part of the process, don't just that they're an assumed of course That's what they need or that's what they should do. Find out and see if they really want that. And your feedback was great. I mean total sense. To me It was really really good. So, thank you. We're looking for a shift in perspective. That's all we're looking for is one month from now, you will accept you are a positive person. Yes, sir, which you and I both know doesn't happen tomorrow, it happens with time repeated. Okay, you're remarkable, like you were really really good.
Kade Larsen:Thank you very much.
Taylor Hartman:Thank you for joining us, by the way, today.
Kade Larsen:I appreciate you guys. Thanks for letting me be a part of this. I've my girlfriend and I've been listening for a long time and it's always cool to be like, oh, and we talk about this and this little thing. How did you hear this one? So it's really cool. What colors your girlfriend?
Taylor Hartman:Very blue like myself. Oh, my gosh two blues, the face my mom is making.
Cat Larsen:Well no, they're just so great.
Taylor Hartman:You're a great tribute to your mom. I know how she adores you and I know why, and It's really just so great to even see you, k. You look terrific, so thank you, see you too sir.
Kade Larsen:Thank you guys, all right, bye bud.
Cat Larsen:Bye, sweetie. Talk to you guys then, okay, love you, bye, bye.
Taylor Hartman:Love you. See, i'm telling you that, seeing that young man and what he's become, what he's doing with his life, give me a break. It's just so rewarding. And even his willingness to come on and talk to openly. I can think of so many other blues that are listening to that and thinking Kyle, he's so open, getting feedback and want to be better.
Cat Larsen:Oh, He is so vulnerable and and you know just the fact that when we were talking about kind of showing all of you Are wonderful listeners what coaching feels like. I mean in Taylor, you also just get right into it and because truly and in kid and I talked about this before, you know he gave me permission to kind of talk afterwards to say, you know, as he went through it, so the fact that He can never relax, he can't, he's like I go through a day. I come home right.
Cat Larsen:The house isn't clean. I haven't worked out, i haven't, you know, done my a, b or c. He can't sit down and relax until it's all done. And guess what? it's never all done.
Taylor Hartman:Never. And the truth is, like you and I, it's not that difficult to relax, it's not? I don't care, it doesn't define me, No, but a person like Kate, it does define them and therefore they're held hostage to that.
Cat Larsen:That's right And so we have.
Taylor Hartman:We have to use each other's gifts. Like you and I need to take ownership and responsibility for things that some yellows don't do They just always let somebody else pick up the pieces And blue need to develop the yellow gift of letting go. It's really okay, Like I was working with a man the other day and he's vulnerable to bitterness And the situation he's in is so it's like a comedy, It's like a Steinfeld. It's so bizarre, Kat, that I mean I said to him you can't quit, because I know you. I could just quit, I would just not do it anymore. You can't do that. So since you can't, you have to laugh at it.
Cat Larsen:You have to know.
Taylor Hartman:this is like a bizarre comedy And you're part of it. It's part of your life And I'm. I'm working with him to allow him to add that element, because he's so blue, he can't quit, he won't give it up, whereas I honestly would say I'm out. This is not going to work for me. So you have to work within people's framework. Right Your color so they can feel congruent, but also we all need other colors to help us navigate life differently.
Cat Larsen:So Oh, absolutely. And you know, with the Hartman color code, coaching, you know what we have is. You know there are times when you know I can make some progress, I can work on things. I can read every book, you know, and I can get there. And then there's times where you're not getting the traction and we have packages from. You know, if you want to talk to somebody, you can do it once, you can do it three times, six times, 12 times. You can do whatever you want, but talking to somebody who is versed in getting to that very direct, because you know, taylor, you've trained all of us that very direct. Hey, let's. Yeah, i hear all of that about what you're going through, but let's get to the root. What is the right?
Taylor Hartman:That's noise, and that noise is not going to free you. That's right. Let's talk about the real route.
Cat Larsen:That's right.
Taylor Hartman:I hope our listeners have enjoyed this. I mean, it's been really great to have them with us. It went would do fast for me.
Cat Larsen:I know.
Taylor Hartman:But we'd love to hear from you listeners, how you feel about what you experienced today. Life is not easy. It's an ongoing challenge for all of us And I think what Kat and I are trying to offer you is a sense of connection, someplace where you can actually practice that successfully. So thank you, listeners, for being with us. Kat always a pleasure.
Cat Larsen:You too, taylor. Great job, thank you.
Taylor Hartman:Thanks, great to see you. Bye, everybody. See you next week. Bye, bye, bye now.