Very Best of Living
Dr. Taylor Hartman, relationship expert and Psychologist, discusses key insights that he has made over his professional career on what makes successful relationships. His work The Color Code now called the People Code is a powerful agent for positive healthy relationships both personal and professional.
Very Best of Living
Embracing Diverse Personalities in Parenting
Unlock the secrets of harmonious family dynamics with our insightful conversation featuring Dr. Taylor Hartman and Kat Larson. Discover how understanding your children's personalities through the lens of the color code can transform their formative years into a period of meaningful growth and connection. This episode promises to illuminate the powerful role parents play in nurturing their children's unique traits, even amidst the chaos of busy family life.
Journey with us as we explore the art of parenting children of different color personalities. We tackle the complexities of raising assertive and strong-willed red children, offering practical strategies for setting boundaries and maintaining harmony without resorting to guilt trips. Dr. Hartman and Kat share personal stories and vital techniques on how to engage with these children intellectually, ensuring they feel heard and valued, while maintaining the balance of authority in the household.
The conversation continues as we delve into the unique challenges of parenting blue, white, and yellow children. Learn how to nurture blue children's need for affirmation, engage white children's preference for independence, and manage yellow children's charismatic yet sometimes impulsive nature. Through heartwarming anecdotes and practical advice, we highlight the importance of understanding and appreciating these diverse personalities, ultimately fostering more supportive, joyful family interactions.
Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.
Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.
Hello listeners, this is Dr Taylor Hartman, with the Very Best of Living, and I hope that's what you're experiencing right now in your life. I'm with my good friend, kat Larson. Kat, how are you?
Speaker 1:I am experiencing my very best of living in this moment, so thank you for asking.
Speaker 2:Yes, you bring such joy. That's so good. And today we're talking about something that you and I can really appreciate, and that's raising children and what role they play in our lives and especially what role we play in their lives in terms of identifying them and helping them be their best self right, and it's an interesting thing. So you have this window of time with your children to make them into good human beings and to embrace the connection you're going to have as a family early on in your lives, and typically it's when you're busy yourself early on in your lives, and typically it's when you're busy yourself trying to make a career happen, creating homes, moving, finishing school lots of different aspects are in play and yet it probably is the most significant imprinting time you'll do in your kid's life, right, Mm-hmm. So ours is an interesting dynamic because we have five children.
Speaker 2:We have three that were natural, and then Jean miscarried and I had to go to the hospital to be with her, and so my client asked me where I, why I canceled my appointment with her, and I explained that my wife had been in miscarriage and she happened to be pregnant and said would you, would you have my child? Would you take my child and that's started the adoption route that we went on and then later we had the opportunity to adopt a boy. We didn't know it'd be a boy or girl. We have four girls and all Jean said I don't care if it's a boy or girl, I just want a blue. And she came close. She got a white with blue.
Speaker 2:You don't have any blue kids. Nope, no blue kids. She's all alone. But a lot of our kids have married blues. Yes, which has made it easier for her. Yes, but I think that's an interesting kind of journey because we have such different children based on those backgrounds. Yes, and you have two children. Yes, and they are ages. Now what?
Speaker 1:25 and she'll be 24 November 8th.
Speaker 2:So boy and a girl, yes, and so I think we can have, we have some experience here. Talk about colors and I'm fascinated. It always intrigues me. Someone falls in love with a color code and I'll say to them always intrigues me. Someone falls in love with the color code and I'll say to them I'll say what color is your child? I don't know, I haven't thought about that. I'm like I don't, I don't even understand that. Like, if you love the color code and you know it works, why would you not have thought about applying it to your child, right? And so I, I'm, I'm a little mesmerized by that. I'm like, wow, okay, so I do want to put out there for our listeners. It will make your life with your children I don't care what age they are and your grandchildren so much more inviting than if you don't understand those elements.
Speaker 2:My son has two little boys. One is so blue I'm in so blue, and one is so yellow. And so at the wedding for my granddaughter recently, they're all dancing and the blue boy said no, I just want to sit here with you. And I said why he goes, because I'm scared, and the yellow was gone, danced literally for an hour. He's like two years old and the four-year-old and I sat there and watched it, which was kind of nice for me because at my age it was nice to watch and not dance. But the yellow kid was out there dancing the whole time and, knowing that about them, knowing that my blue grandson was more concerned about doing it right or feeling comfortable, it makes it so you don't sit there and judge him and push him out of the dance floor and make him do it, and what's wrong with you? And no, no, and you're also not trying to pull the yellow back saying sit on your seat and just observe, right, right. So I do think, and I do think color combinations are interesting. Like, for example, I'll see couples that are being like red married to a blue who life is good, they get it, they're all in sync to a blue who life is good, they get it, they're all in sync, they're appropriate, and they get a yellow kid and they're like how did this happen? Like this is not going to work because they're just so different. Right, and I think that it's interesting.
Speaker 2:We have to remind our audience that, remember, your personality comes in your soul. It is not genetic, it is not biological. So, while you may inherit certain traits of your parents, you don't inherit the personality. You can impact their personality, like when our daughter had that time where her hair was pulled out from the mixer and we were laughing about it. She was more laughing herself, right?
Speaker 2:I just heard this great story. Oh my gosh, it was so good. This guy said his daughter got ready for her blind date and the blind date came to the door and he was a little older than they expected him to be and she expected him to be, but she was very polite, and so she just put on her coat and out. They went polite, and so she just put on her coat and out they went, and then they sat in the car but they didn't leave. And then about five minutes later she comes back into the house and the guy had come to pick up her sister to babysit. For him it was not her blind date, and so the parents were laughing so hard about how funny that was that she thought it was her blind date. It was actually somebody coming to pick up another of the children's babysit that she broke down laughing as well, and it made it for such a fun experience for the family as opposed to being.
Speaker 2:How could you be so stupid? And so I was thinking that if you can make, like um, life pleasurable for the children and and fun and acceptable, instead of judgmental and critical because they're not like you, you'll do much better as a parent. Because there are things you need to teach your child. Yes, there are things. For example, I love it when a man says to a son you will not speak to my wife that way. Yes, that is not what happens in this house. I love when they have that kind of respect for the spouse and they tell the kids to act appropriate. So there's some things you want to teach your kids right. But if you're teaching them everything, they're never right on their own terms, they're not going to want to hear much of anything. So I thought today we'd talk about how do you really get effective with kids of different colors right.
Speaker 2:Great, got to start with the red, because the red are so easy to identify. Yes, they can kind of see it right. Yes, so I have a red and I don't think you have a red. You have a red, you have a daughter's red.
Speaker 1:Yes, she's red. I mean she's almost 50, 50 red, blue. I mean it's very hard to tell.
Speaker 2:That's an intense one it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the red piece you have to give allowance for reds to win, like it's just in their being to want to be right. So if you're always wrong as a red, how much do you like being around that person? Right, that is your parent, right? So I love that example where that teacher in third grade was had this red kid. That was just like Gestapo, like he wanted things done orderly and right, and so the teacher was so great she goes. You know what your job every day after lunch is to line the kids up. That's your job. And, and at first he hit a few kids and and he called a few out and he didn't do it well, right, but he certainly had the gift and she continued to work with him and and promote his leadership and his decisive nature, which I was so impressed with, as opposed to being negative, critical. I'm the teacher, not you. Yes, what a brilliant move she made, I thought in his life, right, yes, so if you have red kids, let them be right.
Speaker 2:Like there's things that won't hurt anyone, like where should we go eat tonight? If they're decisive, then great, let's go. Won't hurt anyone. Like where should we go eat tonight? If they're decisive, then great, let's go. Let them choose sometimes. Don't always say no, I'm the parent, you're not. That's really important and I think it's really important. You also don't lay a lot of emotional guilt on a red child. It confuses them. They don't like the long blue diatribe about why you're hurt because they did this. You can't believe they would do this to hurt you when that was never part of their story ever. They didn't mean to hurt anybody, they just want to get their way.
Speaker 2:So I think you can be very specific and direct. And, by the way, I always say hit below the belt Always. If you need to punish a red, punish them enough to know this is not in your best interest. Don't do this again. If you're too light, they'll think well, that was worth it, not a big deal. So there's certain things I also say with reds. I'll only give them three rules. These three things are going to happen in my house. If you break one, you'll never, ever live to regret it. That will never be in your best interest. But then give them license to pick some other things they want to be right about. They're okay. Don't have them locked down. You know like blues want to please people and they want to be right. Well, that's not a red. So if you think you're going to make them more obedient or appropriate by locking them down on every aspect of living, that will not be effective with a red. So so good.
Speaker 2:Did you ever like, uh, argue? I would argue with my red daughter. It was great. I didn't mind it at all, because they love to argue. I mean, they love to kind of figure out things in their head. That's part of their life. I think some people get very offended by it, they get irritated by it. It's not respectful, they don't appreciate it. I think that's unfortunate, because reds do think well on their feet. Yes, they like to feel they're being heard. Yes, so my experience has been. It doesn't I mean, I'm so comfortable with what I'm going to do at the end. Anyway, it doesn't bother me to have the argument along the way, and sometimes I relent. Sometimes I'm like good argument, that's a good point, makes sense to me. So I, but I think you guys, I mean I'm yellow with red, so I don't really mind that stuff. Maybe others are like I don't need to hear that. It's not appropriate.
Speaker 1:But I think, well, I think the, I think when you, I think that the gift of that is is the minute a child hears you say, oh, that's a good point, I didn't think about that, oh, I'm sorry, yeah, you know what, that's right, is that? What that gives to them is, you know? It just gives them so much in terms of confidence, maybe personal growth, in terms of, oh, I'm, I'm actually, I'm actually in this earth. I mean, I'm being heard, I'm somebody, as opposed to I don't have a voice anywhere.
Speaker 2:Well, and we've talked before about belonging yeah, you don't want them not to feel like they belong, exactly, so I like that. I think that's a very good insight about letting them be heard and letting them and they are smart Like, seriously, red people, red kids, have good minds.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So giving them voice, I think, is very critical. Don't be offended by it, don't get so upset, because they may challenge you or disagree with something, but certainly you can teach them respect, which they're going to have to learn in their life anyway to be successful.
Speaker 1:So what happens with parents, like, say, with a red child, when they feel, when a red parent feels disrespected as authority figure because I do get that, they are the authority figure, they're the person with the, with the power and the power, you know, fight in a in a in a relationship between parent and child, who is red? The child who is red? In a relationship between parent and child, who is red? The child who is red? Do you decide? Do you talk about what respect feels like? How would you bridge that gap?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, actually I had that with my own daughter who was red. I would often say to her Tara, this is my time in the sun, you will have your time, and when you have your children, that's your call. But right now it's my call, call. I'm the parent and you're not the parent, so I would let her know that this is my moment to lead, not yours. So I appreciate your feedback, but we're going to go with my decision. When you're the parent, that's on you. You can do that, and so I was very. I use that kind of direct uh language with language.
Speaker 1:Yep so good that? Because I think I think we think that we get afraid of. I mean, maybe red parents don't get afraid, I don't know, Red red would be scary.
Speaker 2:It's actually the best or the worst, honestly. They either are very good together because they get each other, or they battle everything and they make it uncomfortable for everyone around them. Yes, but you know what? If I'm not a secure red parent, I get intimidated by my red child. Yes, so the more secure you are as a parent, the more able you are to hear them. But not necessarily relent Got it, got it, got it. They will push for leadership. They will always push for that. That's again.
Speaker 2:When I talk about personal power, kat, I'm talking about, as a parent, feeling the personal power to control your home, as opposed to letting them run amok at your expense. And so if I'm not personally powerful, a red could take over my home and I would be overwhelmed by it or upset by it, but I couldn't control it, and that would be not fair to the rest of the family, because reds can be boys. They can really kind of run the show, and if they're abusive, physically, whatever, someone has to step in and say not in my house, this is my home and if you want to be part of it, here's what I expect from you. And reds are very logical, so I don't ever use the emotional piece. I go right to logic.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's good.
Speaker 2:And also when I'm, when I, when I talk about being with red. Please just be brief, direct. Make your point, land a punch, hit below the belt, meaning punish them in a form that they will remember. They will realize that was not worth doing what I just did, because if you're too lenient about it or you let them off the hook like too early, you will lose your value in their eyes. They'll work you.
Speaker 2:So, I also think it's talking with reds. I love to talk about your, their vision, your future, what do you see happening? They love that kind of stuff. So that's a nice way to connect and blend with the red is to have them talk about the way they see the life and what are the things they're struggling with in school, or if they have a problem with the teacher who's slow or whatever. I mean, it's great to hear them out on that and validate it. Like it really will be hard in life. You're very sharp and you're very quick, so you're going to have to learn to be patient with people that don't move at the same pace you do.
Speaker 1:Teaching that is important, I think when McKenna was young, because this red blue thing I mean, that's hard for adults to figure out red, blue, and when it shows up in kids it really was hard on us because it was just confusing.
Speaker 2:Confusing is a good word, it really is.
Speaker 2:And, by the way, for our listeners it's so important you get the core. What is their core? If you get the core wrong, you may parent them poorly. So that's great, but it can be very confusing. Yeah, you had McKenna and I had Summer that I couldn't tell if she was white or blue, and once I knew what she was, it was like, oh, so much easier to parent. Yes, yes, that's a good point. Yeah, yeah, so if they have a high secondary, just know that may color what you're seeing. Don't get it wrong. Don't go to the secondary, go to the core it wrong.
Speaker 1:Don't go to the secondary, go to the core, and what happens is whatever's valued in that I mean, like if you have a high secondary, like if if the family, our family, was more blue oriented, of course, because paco was and kade was blue um, yeah, you know I'm yellow, red, but but I still, you know, I mean I'm charactered in blue. You know, I've learned how to be that way because of paco, and so it just was interesting that it's really easy to overlook and go to the core color. She wasn't.
Speaker 2:No, that's such a great point. I love that insight you shared about the culture of the family. If you're not careful, you are overladen in being a certain color and someone who's not like that Say, say, you're a yellow, fun engaging go-do. I have a couple I adore. She's red, he's yellow and they have this blue child and like it doesn't even fit, like what is going on here, and they're such good parents that they're trying to learn blue so she can feel like she fits.
Speaker 2:So your culture like what is the culture of your family? The color and how you go for, what you go for, and is there somebody who's so different they don't really fit in that, like a white that wants to sit in the room and read a book, you're like no, we only hike, we do physical things, that's what we do. I mean what you're basically saying to them is you are something wrong with you. Like you're not, you're not, you don't fit. So you have to find ways to really look at. Is our culture enhancing or detracting from who they are as a person? That's good.
Speaker 1:Gosh, I can just go back and say, as a parent, my need to go and do and explore and adventure, and the lack of being able to chill out. You know like I mean. It's just they make so much fun of me. Now it's like, oh yeah, oh yeah. I don't remember our living room, mom, because we never sat down.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1:How would I know? I don't remember a couch. Did we have a couch?
Speaker 2:It's terrible, I love it, it's so great, and they can be that kind of candid. This also says a lot about your relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, they give me. No, they don't give me an inch.
Speaker 2:Well, I, I think let's talk about blues for a minute. Okay, blues, the most sensitive right. So they feel hurt or unheard. They may not land the punch, but they will power and they will feel neglected or ignored. Blue people are very, very tender and they have a hard time understanding what is unfair. And, as you remember, I would guess as a child, you don't really get what's fair or unfair and some people really don't figure that out Like life is not fair. That's a reality. Some people are more popular than others just because they are, that's right. Some people are better like runners.
Speaker 2:They're faster than others just because they are? Yes. But when you're a child and it feels like you have all the short sticks, like what's wrong with me, I think it's very critical that parents lift their children and tell them what is right with them and what they value about them. And blue people look for that validation more than any other color. They crave a sense of meaning from someone else and they want to please other people. So when they don't please you, it hurts them. I don't have that gene in me. Like I am with you, didn't get pleased. Well, I guess that was not meant to be. That's not a blue. A blue is like. Why not Like? Why would you not take the time to make me my needs be met? So I would recommend in those scenarios, listening to understand what's really going on with them and when they're hurting, don't just dismiss that out of hand. Well, life's tough, buck up. Like, tell me about that. Like when that happened at school, what did that feel like for you.
Speaker 2:Let them express their unfairness, right. I'm not asking you to let them sit in it for life.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying before you go forward sit in where they're at at that time. Yeah, if they don't ever get that, they'll never. I think we did a podcast about that, where that's where some of adults get stuck in. That victim thing is that they were never listened to maybe. Yeah, I mean, could that be come from?
Speaker 2:100% true, no, and in all fairness, they're so sincere they don't understand it. Like it really is hard for them to understand why am I being ignored and not heard when I, I, I, care so much? Um, so it is. It is important that that you really get to know, get under the covers with a blue and really feel that, really feel the depth of who they are. That's really important. And then let's go with the whites next. They're the least understood. It's interesting.
Speaker 2:We have five children. Three of the five are white, if you can imagine. Yeah, so that would drive my wife crazy because she's blue, so she wants to engage and connect and talk. And whites are like, literally they can go without talking. They just don't.
Speaker 2:They're happy to sit with you and say nothing, and fortunately we didn't have anyone so unmotivated that they wouldn't do schoolwork or whatever, because the hardest I've dealt with are kids that are white, that are unmotivated.
Speaker 2:They don't care, you can take everything. Take the doors off the bedroom, take their clothes away, take their food away, like you can do whatever you want, it doesn't matter, they will. They're so stubborn that the only way you can get them to open up is kindness, and it's the only way you can get them to open up is kindness, and it's the only way you can crack the window on a white child. They have to feel your kindness. By the way, meanwhile, they're not being kind to you, so I'm not saying that you necessarily get it all the time, but their language, their currency is kindness. So if you're able to not lecture the laborer, push them out of their comfort zone too often, getting in touch with their being kind to them is a very, very critical piece. It's almost like side-by-side activity, not too enmeshed. They like being with you, but not so connected to you. They don't have their own independence, so that's funny.
Speaker 1:I had a, I had a friend, her, her little girl, cause I'm a yellow, so I would take care of her. And it's, it's so funny that you said that, cause she was a white little girl and she would like, she would like you just sit there. She wanted me there, but she wanted me to sit and not join in with her.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh Isn't that funny, it's just it was just like okay, no, you don't touch any of this I'm doing, I'm playing, but you sit there. And she turned around and check and see if I was there. Yeah, I'm still here, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I love that Cause. You would never think as yellow to do that. You can't ever, but it's so helpful, like your ability to say okay, I get it. That's where you're at, that's what you're about, and not impose on her. You have to talk to me all the time, right?
Speaker 1:So I would think the red parent would have the toughest time translating kindness to a white child. Would that be true?
Speaker 2:Blue does.
Speaker 1:Blue has the hardest time.
Speaker 2:Yep, being kind yep why, because they're compassionate, but they're not kind. They're very, they're very critical. So the red is more matter of fact. They say this thing and they move on. The blue is like what is wrong with you? Why can't you not understand there's a better way to live? And the white child will. They'll say I'll take a red punch in the mouth any day over a blue lecture any day. It's like it's one and done, but boy the lecture, it does not stop so, oh, I, I, oh, you're right.
Speaker 1:You're absolutely right, because I could just hear it. It's like what is, yeah, what is with you? I can't believe you think that way.
Speaker 2:I can't believe you don't need.
Speaker 1:What's wrong with hugging me? What is it? Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2:I get it All it does to you. You're so unable to see it. What's wrong with you, like how could you be my child?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How can you not? How come you're not crying? That's exactly right. Oh, I know, it's just it's kind of fun to watch that. Though you I mean I've always said if you have a white, they're going to win every argument, because they don't argue, they just don't do right. They'll look at you, that blank stare, and it drives you insane, like how can you just look at me like a blank stare, like, and they don't even answer no and they are all fairness. The white child can get overwhelmed easily.
Speaker 1:Yes, literally easily.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm by nature. I'm not that way. I don't get overwhelmed, right, I'll figure things out. So I can be very unobservant of what's happening and before I know it, I'm down a path where they are in knots. They literally are in knots and I can't comprehend why they're in any knot at all. So the quietness of saying, okay, let me take a step back here, let's make this better, let's talk about this differently.
Speaker 2:And I had this one red parent that she was so effective with her white child he drove her nuts Like he was just so hard for her to understand and she just finally got so good at saying, okay, we have these two things for dinner, pick the one you'd like. And that was it. She didn't get caught up in and if he didn't eat it, it's okay, it's not a big deal. She wasn't mean or malicious, or she goes. You're going to sit at the table with us, but I understand if it doesn't kind of hit you yet, and sometimes he would go over to the other counter and finish something. She would leave it out for him after dinner if you want to come back in and get it later. But her deal was you're going to join the family, but I'm not going to force you to eat, like I think you should eat. It's really cool, like, very, her work she did about patients was remarkable, just phenomenal. And again, I want to say it again, kindness was the reason it worked.
Speaker 2:Right, right, no, so that's kind of the critical thing for white, for whites and, by the way, whites also need direction. Yeah, like, don't just let them hang. Yes, unlike a red who's going to force themselves to do something in life, a white will. Literally they'll just sit there. They don't know what they want to do, they can't make decisions. Well, right, so it's really good to teach them early on. Here's two outfits Pick the one you want to wear today. Just do that. Once a week, you get to decide where we go to dinner, I don't know. Well, you know right now that seven days from now, I'm going to ask you to start thinking about it. And then during the week, you say what kind of place are you thinking about? Like, you help guide them down that path. Don't let them not make decisions, because if you do, you're going to give their spouse a nightmare.
Speaker 1:It's really hard, right, right. I heard it in my family with that, with my mother who just thought she was, she thought she was being easy going with the I don't care, yeah, and it gave a really weird sense of disconnect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great point. Boys don't mean that, but it comes across. I don't care.
Speaker 1:No. Yeah, like I don't care where we go to dinner, I don't care where we go on vacation, I don't care. You know, and and and it was like do you, what do you care about? I think I remember like I don't know if I ever thought that, but I remember as I got, I started getting older, it's like, okay, well, she became a little bit we've talked about it, so you know. But but I remember her becoming like a little bit, like like I couldn't, I wouldn't turn to her for things major things.
Speaker 2:Right, cause she didn't log in on things, she didn't share an opinion. Right, they almost make themselves irrelevant, which is not in their best interest at all. Right For you to pull them in and teach them that they belong and they have things to offer. Yeah, so good. So the yellow it's so funny because yellows are so likable and adorable and unless you're raising one, that does not make any sense. You're like are you kidding me? Like they do not think of consequences, they do not consider them. They're, they're, you know, like raising a boy versus raising a girl. It's like how could you not possibly have thought about you were going to crash when you did that? Well, who's thought about crashing? How would you get on the bike? That's all. And so yellows can be very problematic in that things will happen and they have not thought through what the consequence is going to be. It's ironic.
Speaker 2:In our family, probably the easiest child to raise and she still is today is our yellow daughter. She made good choices, ran with good friends, always made just. Life was easy because of her happy, engaging, involved, and she would walk down a long driveway to our home talking to herself after school every day and just having a great time, like she was totally immersed in having a conversation with herself, and I've always been grateful that we had that in the yellow child, because when a yellow child is like that, they're just sunshine and balloons, like they just make people happy being around them and they don't cause problems. There are yellows that are very self-centered and not that way, like they really. They really can be very obnoxious, difficult, failing classes. They're, they ditch classes, they are the con man. I always have a good lie that they could share to get out of something. They're not workers, they don't do the chores.
Speaker 2:There is that element of peace and, my listeners, you all know that I've said the thing you must do with the yellow is adore them. But once you adore them, you must set the record straight. There are certain expectations and if you don't meet those you'll be sorry and you can't do that if you don't adore them. But if you adore them and don't do that, then you're doing them a huge disservice. Yes, right, yep, like, please let me know my guidelines, please let me know what I have to do to get through life. And in my own life I'm sure you probably feel some of the same way my red mother for me was so helpful in setting boundaries that pushed me down a path of productivity that, had it not been there, I don't know that I would have listened, but if she had not adored me, I would have sworn her off.
Speaker 2:I would have done the opposite, because yellows are rebellious. You tell me that I will do the opposite then. So that's why it's foolish for you to not adore them, because then they can own you by acting out inappropriately, hurting themselves and the family as well. And the other thing I want to think about that with Kat, I want people to realize that sometimes we pay too much attention to the person that deserves the least attention, and so the family kind of becomes focused on. Like we know how this is the problem. If somebody is ill physically and all the health issues that go with that, it can consume the family life, so people get lost. That can also happen to people who act out emotionally inappropriately. So much energy is put into that child that you actually neglect other people who are more deserving of your time. And I think it's really important for you to have those conversations with the kids to let them know how much they mean to you how much?
Speaker 2:you appreciate them, instead of just always putting the energy. It's like you're putting your thumb in a dam all the time trying to stop it right. So I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm saying it's the wrong thing to do if you take away all the time trying to stop it right. So I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm saying it's the wrong thing to do if you take away all the attention from those who deserve it and give it to those who don't so well, I I think that's that's really good, because I think we can get into the.
Speaker 1:So what you're saying is like it's so easy to do something that's obvious and evident, like I've got to something that's obvious and evident and that is like, look what I'm accomplishing. I'm doing something, as opposed to stopping that and taking care of something that isn't so obvious. Okay, got it.
Speaker 2:Yep, that's exactly it Got it All right. We're done for today. It's been great. Well, I always love these so much. Kat, a pleasure to be with you. As always, listeners, we love you, we appreciate you. Thank you for tuning in and we hope you have an incredibly great day and maybe just reflect on some of the people in your life your children or your parents, and what they've meant to you. Thanks again for who you are, very best of living. Love you guys. Bye for now, bye-bye.